Eight staunch Scotsmen with right proper stauners under their sporrans

Since A Discovery of Witches features staunch Scotsman Adam Stevenson, features a Scotch comedian trapped in London, and one of Robert Oberst's strong men was Scottish, I figured it was time for some Scots studs. 

A kilt malfunction in Edinburgh.

Pub mates in St. Andrews, site of the most prestigious university in Scotland.

Pub mate stauner -- a semi. 

St. Andrews prof explores his kinky side.

There are about 60,000 Scots Gaelic speakers in Scotland, mostly in the Hebrides.  You often hear it spoken in Stornoway, on the Isle of Lewis.

Vietnamese-Scots chub from Stornoway, skittish about showing his tadger.

The Callanish Stones, Lewis

More Scotsmen after the break. Warning: explicit.

"Ripley": A slow, artistic version of the gay-subtext con artist/murderer, with Tom's bum and Dickie's dick

 

The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) stars Matt Damon as the charming con-artist Tom Ripley, who has a gay-subtext romance with Jude Law's Dickie before murdering him and adopting his identity.  The 2024 version is a tv series, and reputedly overtly queer, taking the gay subtext into text.  I reviewed the first episode.

Scene 1: Rome, 1961, atmospheric black and white.  Having just killed someone, a man with his face obscured puts on his shoes and hat and starts dragging the body down a palatial staircase.  

Scene 2: Six months earlier, New York. Tom (Andrew Scott) gets up in his run-down room in a residential hotel, walks the mean streets, steals someone's mail, and writes out a fake "payment overdue" notice

Then he goes to a bar and starts one of those highly-closeted 1960s hookups with a guy named Al (Bokeem Woodbine) Whoops, no, Al is a private detective, hired to find him and hook him up with the wealthy Mr. Herbert Greenleaf.  Tom refuses, then leaves to ride the subway and walk the mean streets some more.  

Back home, someone left his business card: From the IRS!  

Scene 3: Tom continues his scam: he steals payment checks, then calls or writes the sender, claims that it was lost in the mail, and has them send a new check to his own post office box. Nice establishing shots of the art deco post office and bank.  

Uh-oh, the clerk thinks something is wrong, and goes to consult the manager. Tom has to run away, and close down the whole collection agency scam!  What to do next?  Maybe Herbert Greenleaf's job won't be so bad...

Scene 4: Greenleaf Shipbuilders.  Tom is escorted past the big ships to the office, where Herbert Greenleaf tells him about the job: his son Dickie,  Tom's old acquaintance, has been living in Italy for years, pretending to be a writer or a painter, but really just goofing off.  Greenleaf wants Tom to convince Dickie to come home.

Why Tom?  They didn't know each other well.  Because none of Dickie's other friends wanted the job. Why would someone on the bottom of Dickie's friends list, who he doesn't know well and doesn't care about, be able to talk him into leaving Italy?  Tom must have a really big dick.

Scene 5: While he's considering the job, Tom has dinner with the Greenleafs. Back story dump: He went to Princeton. When he was young, his parents drowned. Uh-oh, maybe he killed them. Then they look at some photos of Dickie when he was young, in college, and now, in Atrapi, with Marge -- "girlfriend, friend, who knows?"  So Dickie is gay.

Scene 6: Tom at the tailor's, inspecting the clothes the Greenleafs bought for him. He gets his passport, signs travelers' checks, throws out his scam checks, and we're on the Orient Express!  In the Swiss alps; I guess in those days you flew in through Paris?   

He writes to his Aunt Dottie, who is getting a dental procedure -- which we see, for some reason: "You're free of me now, and I of you." I like the slow, moody structure, with the beautiful, weird shots of fire escapes, catwalks, and sculptures, but it's a little too slow.  How much time do we need to devote to Tom brooding?.

Scene 7: Naples. Tom gets off the train, changes some travelers' checks, and asks for a bus to Atrapi.  He is pushed into a cab instead, and arrives at a darkened station in the middle of the night.  Nothing to do but wait until morning, then get on the real bus -- for a trecherous drive through the mountains!

Atrapi, finally!  He asks someone, in bad Italian, for Richard Greenleaf, and is directed up endless stairs, through arches and corridors, up more stairs. to a villa.  Where he is told that Richard is down on the beach!  Is this supposed to be a comedy?

Scene 8: Tom at a shop, trying on a very bulging swimsuit, while ladies giggle at him. He asks for something a little less revealing. 

The beach is deserted -- oh, there in the distance is Dickie, lying down, fully clothed, with Marge's head on his thigh.  Tom wakes them and introduces himself, pretending that this is a chance meeting. Dickie doesn't remember him, but invites him to go for a swim.  Uh-oh, Tom is afraid of the water, since his parents drowned.  He won't set foot into the water.

More Dickie after the break

Shane Michael Parker: Soldier, stunt cock, wolf fan, gay BDSM performer?

Shane Michael Parker was "proudly born" in 1994, grew up in Ohio, spent time overseas in the military, and moved to South Carolina in 2016, at the age of 22, to pursue an acting career. Why, was Los Angeles full? 

As Shane Miclette, he worked as a production assistant on the horror movies Separation and Scream (2022).  He filmed an appearance as Matthew in the second season of Outer Banks (2021) but his scene was cut.

As Shane Michael Parker, he played a Confederate soldier in Lessons from Ebenezer Creek, (2021), about a massacre of recently enslaved African Americans in North Carolina in 1864.

His most impressive role to date is in  Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.1, a flashback to 1968, when Young Eli, the Maniac Kid, bests his opponent in a huge wrestling arena, then goes back to the locker room to talk to his manager, Glendon Marsh.   

A muscular naked guy walks from the showers across the scene. Glendon says   "Nice cock, Ernie."

There is no "Ernie" in the cast list. Either Glendon is talking about someone off-stage, or the naked guy's name was changed to Jason, played by Shane.

Glendon's son Junior gawks at Jason's dick, so overwhelmed that he trips, then catches himself and turns to peek at his bare butt.  

The gay/bi coding continues when the elderly Junior shows up in Charleston to reunite with his old friend or boyfriend Eli.

Of course, I wanted to learn more about this guy whose dick is so instrumental in establishing the gay-subtext Eli-Junior friendship in Season 2.

Shane doesn't have much of an online presence,  so I haven't found out much about him except that he has one or two kids, both girls, and he lives in a small town about two hours from Charleston.   

There are some photos online of Shane with a wife or girlfriend, and on a visit to Wolf Country USA in Palmer, Alaska, which closed in 2011 after the owner was fined for owning and selling wolf hybrids. So Shane was about 16?

Shane himself was arrested in November 2022 for telephone harassment: "repeatedly contacting and threatening the victim by phone."  He also had a felony fugitive warrant from Ohio.So maybe the name change has to do with the fugitive warrant?   

A search for nude photos on dating sites yields only a blurry butt pic.  And this:

Naked Shane, probably, after the break

The homoerotic hijinks of Skyler Gisondo's crew, with at least four gay and three nude dudes

Skyler Gisondo was born in Florida and grew up in California.  He was home schooled for several years to give him free time for acting; then he attended Milken Community School, a Jewish high school, graduating in 2014.  He was deeply involved in Jewish activities, including Temple Beth Am (Conservative Judaism), USY (United Synagogue Youth) and Camp Alonim.  In 2015 he began attending the University of Southern California, a semester at a time to make room for Santa Clarita Diet.

In high school and college, Skyler found some hunky friends who enjoyed homoerotic horseplay.  Some have remained part of his crew to this day.  

1. Top photo: Joshua Tree.  Skyler is the one pretending to be a top.

2. His friend Ben in Israel.

3. Skyler and his roommates.  What happens in the apartment, stays in the apartment.

4. In Costa Rica.

5. Skyler is the one attached to a guy instead of a girl.

More after the break

The Family Responds to Keefe's Fire Dance

During Cousins' Night (Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.3.), Kelvin's boyfriend Keefe, a former Satanist, performs a highly erotic fire dance for the family.  Their reactions:

Jesse: "I am not turned on, I am not turned on, I am not..."

Chuck: "So this is what my brother does in the bedroon?"

Karl:  I wish I had a guy to do that with in the bedroom.

More after the break

Brock Yurich: Romcom hunks, hustlers, gay villains, nude modeling, and a big reveal

First Brock O'Hurn, and now Brock Yurich: I seem to be collecting Brocks.  After seeing Yurich as ChaseDream's Trainer in two episodes of The Other Two, I looked him up on the IMDB.  

Not much: Born May 1, 1989 in New Philadelphia, Ohio, about two hours west of Pittsburgh.  Nothing else until he moves into acting in 2011 with small roles like Fraternity Brother, Bar Patron, and Attractive Man, plus guest spots on The Two of Us, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and Succession.

The IMDB says that he "known for" playing Winston in Rambler (2013), not to be confused with The Rambler (2013), starring Daniel Keith as a hit-man with a price on his head. I don't know who Winston is, but in the trailer there's close-up of a woman's foot followed by a guy, maybe Brock, dressed in a South-of-Market leather outfit offering drinks and screaming.  I'm guessing a standard gay/trans villain.

Brock is also "known for" two short films that he wrote, produced, and appeared in: T-Country (2016), about a down-on-his-luck prizefighter, and 49: A Tribute to the Pulse (2017) -- the gay Latinx nightclub that was the site of a mass shooting in 2016.   That one is gay-related.

Another possible gay role: in Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit Episode 17.18, 2016, the detectives uncover a "massive cover-up in the Catholic Church." Brock plays Lance Woodstone. I don't have a lot of details, but this photo suggests that he's a hustler who specializes in BDSM scenes for priests. I can't tell if it's a homophobic portrayal or not.

After that, we move on to purely heterosexist roles. The Hating Game (2021): A romcom about two business rivals (Lucy Hale, Austin Stowall) who fall in love.  It's a "boring trifle," "sweet and sugary," or "an abomination," depending on whose review you believe. Brock plays someone named Mack, far down the cast list -- not the gay best friend.

The Love Hunt (2023) is a romcom about an heiress who has to find some hidden treasure in order to inherit her dad's estate. Brock plays the small-town working-class bloke whom she chooses over her prissy button-down boyfriend.

The Boxer and the Butterfly (2023) is a romcom about an aspiring dancer who must teach a down-and-out boxer the moves.  Brock plays her love interest.  Ok, maybe the gay projects were just a fluke.

His instagram is not very exciting.  Sure, he flexes a lot, but 3,000 photos of a bodybuilder flexing at the gym or in a nondescript room?  There are no photos of travel, restaurants, or anything of non-hunk interest, no humor, not even a lot of interesting exterior shots. And he hugs a lot of women.  Definitely straight.

This is the only humorous post, Brock in a Mandalorian mask, with the Yoda baby.

Searching for "Brock Yurich" and "nude" revealed some shots from Tyler Perry's soap opera, The Haves and the Have-Nots (2018-21),  about the relations between the rich Harringtons and the poor Youngs -- basically the plot of every soap opera ever, except that most of the cast is black.   

In Seasons 5-8, Brock plays Madison, an "openly gay" nurse at the local hospital, who develops a relationship with Jeffery, the Harrington's closeted, then out-but-beleaguered son. Actually no nudity, but the guys hug.

Real nudity after the break. Caution: explicit

"Pitch Perfect": Nerd Ben Pratt, hunk Skylar Astin, and jerk Adam Devine. What could go wrong? With nude dudes

 Pitch Perfect (2012) is comedy about dueling a capella choirs.  I didn't even know that a capella groups were a thing, but wikipedia lists dozens of them, and Music Grotto ranks the best groups (#1 is Pentatonix).  Regardless, if it's about music, there's bound to be some gay characters.  

Scene 1: An all-male a capella choir, the Barden University Treblemakers led by Bumper (Adam Devine), performs "Don't Stop the Music" at Lincoln Center, to rousing applause!  

In the booth, the judges discuss how perfect they are for the International Championship of Collegiate A Capella Groups (I want this to spell something dirty, but it doesn't), and how all the ladies in the room are hot for them.  Ugh, heterosexism in the first second: the only reason a man does anything is to get ladies.  

They perform some cool moves. Bumper does a "sexy man-split", struts for the fangirls, and insults the next group: an all-female choir.  They're the first girl group to get this far in the competition because, according to the judges, girls just don't have the range.  I think we're supposed to condemn the judges for being sexist.

Dressed like 1960s stewardesses, the Bellas sing a snoozefest song. Then one throws up.  Projectile vomiting in the first five minutes!  Yuck! The judges actually like this: it add excitement to their act.

Scene 2:  This must be a flashback.  Beca takes a taxi to move-in day at the stately, ivy-halled university.  She meets her new roommate, who hates her from the start, even more when she brings out her DJ equipment.  

Her dad drops by: Dr. Mitchell, a Professor of Comparative Literature.  I majored in that in grad school, for about ten minutes. It was stiflingly elitist. He insists that she give college a chance; she can move to California and become a dj later.

Meanwhile, the hunky Jesse  (Skylar Astin, left) meets his new roommate, Benji (Ben Platt, below), a Star Wars nerd and amateur magician.  To his credit, Jesse doesn't insult him.  (Ben Platt is gay in real life, so maybe his character is gay).

Scene 3: The Activities Fair.  Hunky Jesse tells Magician Benji that the hottest club on campus is Bumper's A Capella Group. It's what being a man is all about.  He points to where Bumper is asking passing girls if they want him to whip it out. But they're sexist jerks!

Meanwhile the head Barden Bella rejects a girl because her boobs are inadequate.  More sexist jerks!  She only wants "super-hot girls with bikini bodies who can harmonize and have perfect pitch." Her assistant suggests maybe recruiting girls who can sing, like Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson).  Yes, she calls herself that.  

Scene 4: An incredible hunk in a swimsuit is passing out fliers, but Beca ignores him.  Maybe we're supposed to conclude that she's gay?   

She stops at a booth called the Barden DJs, since she wants to be a DJ, but it's actually a group for Deaf Jews, har har.

Head Barden Bella tries to recruit her for the Bellas, but she refuses: it sounds tremendously lame. 

Meanwhile, Nerd Benji is desperate to join the Treblemakers, but Bumper says no.  But Bumper's singing changed his life!  Maybe they could hang out sometime?  Nope: "The smell of your weird is affecting my vocal chords."  Dude, pick someone who doesn't sneer all the time.  Your new roommate seems nice.  

Scene 5:  Beca finds a campus radio station that plays funky alternative music. Wait, she has a job there.  On move-in day?  Turns out that Hunk Jesse works there too.    Time for a meet-cute?  Nope, she hates him. Station manager Luke (Freddie Stroma, left) tells them that, as freshmen, they can't go into the DJ booth; their job is to sort CDs.  Ugh!  

Scene 6: Dad wakes Beca up.  "You've been here a month, and still no friends?  Geez, I thought it was the next day.  "Get with the program."   "I work at the radio station?" "With those weirdos?"  He forces her to join a student club. 

She heads to the shower room (fortunately, we don't see anything.)  Surprise -- she's being stalked by the Bella Aubrey, who gets way too close as she importunes Beca to join.  Ok, ok, just get your hands off my junk!

Scene 6:  The auditions for all four a capella groups at once.  I guess you sing for all of them, and we can watch Bumper insulting more people. 

The host, Kolio (David Del Rio), specifies that this is not a high school club, where you "can sing and dance your way through any social issue or confused sexuality."  Ok, that's homophobic, claiming that gay people are "confused."   "This isn't high school, it's real life."  I get it: gay people do not exist in real life.  

The auditions are mostly awful.  I expected Beca to nail it, but she does a weird thing with clapping and a cup.  Everyone is shocked by how awful she is, but she's in anyway.  Almost everyone who auditioned gets in. 

More a capella after the break