Sterling Point: Queerbaiting, dark secrets, a guy with changing ages, a lot of lesbians, "Heated Rivalry," and some Canadian cocks.

 

When Amazon Prime recommended the 2026 tv series Sterling Point, I searched on its name and "gay," and got an interview where the two male stars, Jacob Whiteduck-Lavoie and Daniel Quinn Toye, said that they were having a Heated Rivalry-type romance.  That's enough for me: I'm in.  

Scene 1: A young woman awakens in her luxury apartment, vigorously scrubs herself while growling, and sits at the kitchen table with her laptop , looking angry.  Her roommate Connor (Keen Ruffalo) is in love again.  Could he be gay?  Nope, "what's her name?"  

She's stressed out because she's waiting to see if she got into the summer program at Wharton, the most prestigious business school in the world.  So you're a high schooler, and the dude is your brother?  I had you figured as a grown up.

"Forget college.  It's the summer before your senior year.  Spend it going buck wild."

Dad Steven pops in with bagels, and asks about Wharton.  She gets word: "No.  My dreams are shattered. It's the end of the life I've been imagining for myself."  Couldn't you, like, get into a good college even without the program? On TV they're always getting into Harvard.

We finally get the girl's name: Annie.

"Now you can have fun this summer," Brother Connor says.  "Why don't you go to Thailand with your 100% straight heterosexual boyfriend?"  

"I can't break up with him until he's ready to come out."  It's 2026.  Nobody comes out. Parents just say "Someday you'll meet the man or woman of your dreams."

Scene 2: Establishing shots of New York, and then Annie's Glee-era gay-stereotype boyfriend Oliver (Luke Avoleda) asks if she wants to watch Cynthia Erivo sing "Edelweiss" at the Kennedy Center.  You're super-femme, you live in New York, and you're not out?  Girl, everyone has known since you were in kindergarten.

"What am I going to do all summer, now that all of my dreams have been crushed?" Annie asks.

"I don't know.  Go on Anti-depressants?"

She suggests going to Thailand with him, but he doesn't like that idea.  No getting his gay on with a beard hanging around.

Annie tries to get him to come out, yet again, when Brother Connor bursts into the room: "Grandpa died -- but not the one we like.  Gordon, Mom's Dad, the one who was shady as fuck, and everybody hated him, so Mom and Dad cut him out of their life, and we've never met."

Scene 3:  Meeting with the lawyer.  Grandpa Gordon left Dad nothing.  The kids get a trust, which they can access when they turn 18, and property in Canada.  He also left them letters, but Dad snatches them up and won't let the kids read them.  Weird family history.  

Left: a professor from Toronto and his hookup.

Cut to Annie trying to sleep.  She looks at a photo of their Mom, who died when she was little (of course).  Why did she hate Grandpa?  Why is Dad so secretive?   

In the morning, she breaks into Dad's safe (never make your birthday your password), and finds dozens of letters -- Grandpa was writing to them all along.  

The one that came with his will: "I'm sorry I didn't fight harder to see you.  I shouldn't have agreed to the plan.  I hope Sterling Point will reveal the truth. Find her."  Obfuscation for its own sake.  Any normal person would reveal who she is.

Downstairs, Brother Connor is being fed and smooched by his girlfriend.  Gross -- I hate adults feeding each other, like they were babies.  She reveals the new intel.  "We have to go to Canada and investigate!"

"What for?  We're adopted, so he's not even our biological grandfather."  

"Ok, I'll go by myself, but cover for me.  Tell Dad I went to Thailand."  So Connor and the gay boyfriend won't be back?

Scene 4: On the plane, Annie pops an Ambien and asks for a blanket and a pillow, not realizing that the flight to Toronto is only 45 minutes long.  Didn't she look at a map?  

At the airport, drowzy, she meets Ellis (Jacob Whiteduck-Lavoie), who will be flying her to Muskoka, the island her grandpa owned.  He's the one in the Heated Rivalry romance.  She's afraid of the seaplane but the only other way to get there is by car, and it would take forever (the real Muskoka Lakes are just 2 1/2 hours from Toronto).

Scene 5:  Establishing shots of Muskoka Island.  Ellis notes that Grandpa Gordon, who owned the whole island, said that he would never rent this house, so it's weird to see Annie moving in.  Isn't she the new owner?

Next question: Nope, no stores on the island, so you have to take a boat to the mainland to get groceries. You could have stocked up before leaving Toronto.

Inside, the place is a mess.  Annie finds her mom's old room, and...a squatter! Nope, just squirrels bringing nuts in to store. 

Next stop: The Marina, where she has to rent a boat to get to the mainland.  She asks Joe the Boat Shop Guy (Negan from The Walking Dead) if he knew Gordon who owned the island.  "Yes.  He was great.  Everybody loved him."

"Did he have...um...family around?  A daughter maybe?"  Terrible sleuthing, girl.  

Problem: She doesn't have a driver's license (many New Yorkers don't bother, because why would you ever drive in the City?  It takes five times as long as walking).  Or a boater's license.  So she can't rent a boat, but his son will give her a lesson. How will that help?  She needs groceries now, and it will take a lot of lessons to get her license.

Wait -- the son isn't around, so the teenage Oona offers to teach her.  "Oona -- beautiful name for a beautiful girl!" Sounds like we got some lesbian representation. But Annie is straight.  Or was that why she was happy with a boyfriend who didn't want to do bedroom stuff -- she's not into guy parts. 

"But you're a terrible boat driver!"

"No, I'm not.  I can handle her," she counters, gazing at Annie.  I'll bet you can...

The lesson begins.  "You handle the tiller -- this thing that looks like a dick --  just like a hand job, except twist more."  Are you sure you're a lesbian, Oona?

She tries it, but they start spinning in circles, and she doesn't know how to stop.  Let go?

More after the break

Noah Centineo: The Boyfriend of Your Dreams, with five butts, three bulges, two cocks, and no gay characters

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What movie has the same plot as "The People We Meet on Vacations"? It's not "Much Ado About Nothing." With Heizer and Blyth dicks

 

Before watching a movie, I always conduct research to make sure there are no nasty surprises, like homophobic jokes or queerbaiting.  The People We Meet on Vacation (2026) looked promising:  star Tom Blyth has played gay characters, and he's a guest at the wedding of Miles Heizer and Tommy Do.

And both Miles and Tom have nude photos online.

But something about the plot bugged me:

Poppy and Alex (Tom Blyth) met at Boston College nine years ago, and started going on annual vacations together.  They have a romantic connection, but every year they are dating other people, or something goes wrong and ruins their opportunity for bedroom stuff.

Lucien Laviscount, as Poppy's boyfriend, and hunky tour guide Luke Gage are among the problems en route to the bedroom.  

After five years, they give up: obviously they are not Meant to Be Together.

But Poppy has stayed friends with Alex's brother, David (Miles Heizer), so she is invited to his wedding in Barcelona.  Alex comes too, of course. And the ex-boyfriend.  With all the misunderstandings, matchmaking, lies, secrets, and gossip, will they ever realize that they are indeed Meant to Be Together?

It's a romcom.  Of course they will.

Wait -- they didn't actually meet on vacation.  They already knew each other when they started vacationing together.

I was turned off by the misleading title and the superfluous gay wedding, just there to provide a backdrop for a heterosexual courtship, but something else was bugging me.

This all sounded very familiar.  I was sure that I had seen this movie before, but how?  It just now popped up on my Netflix recommendations.

First I checked to see if it was a sequel to two movies with similar titles, Vacation Friends (2021) and The People We Hate at the Wedding (2022).  No.

After extensive research, I found a movie with an identical plot:  Anyone But You (2023), a romcom based on Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.

Left: Robert Sean Leonard and Denzil Washington in the 1993 Much Ado.

Grad student Ben (Glen Powell) and financial analyst Bea (Benedict and Beatrice, get it?) have a "we talked all night!' hookup, but then they ghost each other -- until Bea's sister starts dating the sister of Ben's best buddy.  Then they have to interact, but with a "You're looking well" coolness. 

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Mason McKenzie: From a fairy's dungeon to Poison Ivy, pickleball, Phi Psi and a physique. With Aidan, Mason, and the Hunter nude

 

Once Upon a Time, with the characters from all the Disney fantasy movies related in a complex genealogy, was almost entirely heterosexist.  There was a blink-and-you-miss-it lesbian romance (with the couple vanishing immediately after their kiss) and a few very brief gay-subtext romances. One of the most significant was between Gideon, son of the Rumpelstiltskin and Belle, and Roderick, his cellmate in the Black Fairy's dungeon.  They were played by Anton Starkman and Mason McKenzie as children, and Grayson Gabriel and Giles Mathey as adults.  

That's four actors to check.  

I've already profiled Anton Starkman.

Giles Matthey is extremely ugly, and straight.

There are too many Grayson Gabriels to find the actor.

That leaves Mason McKenzie.  At least he has a chest (above), a nice backside (left), and no tattoos to date.

Mason was born in 2005 in Barrie, Ontario, about an hour north of Toronto. After many tv commercials, he broke into scripted tv in two 2017 episodes of the soap When Calls the Heart, as the bullying nephew of evil railroad executive Jeremy Wyatt.  (Nikolas Ducik, left played his brother, Earl).

Then came the Once Upon a Time episode, a thriller, and two romcoms: Frozen in Love (2018) and Love Under the Rainbow (2019), not to be confused with Under the Rainbow, about the actors who played Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz. 

You played the kids of the romantic leads, not the guys themselves, but still, it's not looking good for your gay representation score, Mason Baby.

In a 2019 episode of Project Blue Book, UFO researcher Hynek (Aidan Gillen, right) handles the case of a scoutmaster who disappeared after his troop witnessed a UFO.  Was he abducted by the Men in Black? Mason plays one of the scouts.

Another Aidan dick.

In a  2020 episode of The Baby-Sitters' Club,  Mary-Anne is hesitant about approaching her crush, so one-shot gay character Alex (David Raynolds, not Reynolds) tells her about his crush on a boy at theater camp.  Mason plays Toby, one of his friends, but not the crush. 

More after the break

Off Campus: Hannah must choose between a hocky star with a nice butt and a bad boy with tats. Plus a gay bestie and fratboy cocks

Apparently the success of Heated Rivalry has started a trend. Producers thought, "Ok, viewers want to see more hockey players," not "viewers want to see more gay romance," so we're getting a lot of hockey player hetero romance.  I'm watching Off Campus (2026), on Amazon Prime, in spite of the annoying commercial breaks, in case there's a  gay character -- or some dicks.

Scene 1:Hockey Star Garrett (Belmont Cameli, left)  puts on his uniform, listens to "Dancing By Myself," and practices, while Hannah does janitorial work, listening to the same song.  

Finished, he takes off his shirt -- the tattoo says Nullum Gratuitum Prandium, "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch," which presumably will become important later.  He langorously showers.  Hannah, wearing headphones, can't hear the shower, and accidentally sees his backside -- and his front, when he turns around.  She hurriedly exits, grinnng.

Belmont states in an interview, "Obviously I'm being sexualized to some extent, but I never felt exploited." 

Scene 2:  90% of viewers tune in to see Cameli's butt (and hopefully cock), so they got it out of the way. Now we can get on to the plot.  At a hoity-toity university, the philosophy professor explains to the class that C means C, so 70% of the students got C+ or lower on their papers.  Hannah's gay bff Dexter (Miles Gutierrez-Riley, the boyfriend on Agatha All Along) complains that it's a jock class, so why should he bother?  Philosophy is a jock class?

Jock Beau (Khobe Maxwell, left, who played a gay guy in Cruel Intentions), looks at his grade and wonders if he can still drop the class.  His bro, Garrett from Scene 1, points out that they need it for their major, but not to worry, the coach will talk to the prof about "creative grading."  

When I was an undergrad, every student had to take a philosophy class.  I took "Modern Philosophy." assuming that it would be, like, modern.  Nope, it was about Kant, Hume, and Berkeley (pronounced Barkeley; that's the only thing I remember from the class).

BFF Dexter gawks at them: "Jocks -- so pretty, so entitled."

"Aren't you above stereotypes?"

"Girl, I'm beneath stereotypes."  He takes another look at  Beau.  "Maybe behind."  This will become important for shipping later.

Hannah got an A, but tells BFF Dexter that her grade was "not good."  Hockey Star Garrett looks over her shoulder and exclaims "You aced it!"  This angers Hannah, for some reason.  You forgot to complain that "He's arrogant!"

Scene 3: On the way out, BFF Dexter points out bad-boy music major Justin Kohl (Josh Heuston), Hannah's crush  Their third friend joins them and asked if Hannah has made a move yet.  "He doesn't know who I am.  Am I supposed to fling myself at him?"  "Yes!!!"

Hockey Star Garrett joins them.  After they criticize him for being rich and goodlooking, he tells Hannah that he's failing the class, and wants her help on the next assignment, n oral presentation.  "Nope." Why not?  Just because he's arrogant?  

"But you owe me for the sneak peek.  Tons of girls would have paid for that view."  What about guys, heteronormative jerk?

Scene 4: Hannah leaves them to bike across the campus of Briar University (actually the University of British Columbia).  She stops at Kaufman Center, where Professor Daveed (Brandon Scott, left), is conducting the student orchestra.  He glares at her for being late.

After class tells her that her scholarship for the year has been cut.  Not because she was late, because the government thinks that the fine arts are useless.

"But this is the third week of the semester!  My only hope of staying in school is to get another scholarship!" 

There aren't any other classical music composition scholarships, but what if she changes her major to performance?  Nope, she's a lousy clarinet player.  

So what about pop music composition?  Lots of scholarships there, given out at the Pop Music Showcase

"I can write pop music.  How hard can it be?"  Famous last words.

Scene 5: The frat house.  The guys, Tucker, Dean, and Logan (Jalen Thomas Brooks, Stephen Kalyn, left, Antonio Cipriano) are bickering as they prepare for the party tonight.  There are shirtless shots and discussions of cooking.  

Hockey Star Garrett comes in later, when the party is already going on.  Tucker is cooking "dippables."  Dean is kissing a girl.  Other party guests are playing video games and...chess?  I thought frat parties were all beer pong and nonconsensual bedroom stuff.  

They criticize Hockey Star Garrett's taste in music -- it's old-fashioned, from the 1990s. So he's a pop music fan.  Maybe he and Hannah can help each other.

Meanwhile, at Malone's, Bad Boy Justin and his band are performing, while Hannah, working the bar, appears to be having an orgasm while watching.  Her friend asks what she's going to compose for the Pop Showcase: "Taylor Swift or Lady Gaga?"

"I'm more Taylor."

"So be Taylor, and go talk to your crush, Bad Boy Justin."  

He's singing "A little less talking, a little more 'touch my body," which is basically what Olivia Newton John sang in "Physical," and Julie Andrews in My Fair Lady.

Never do I ever want to hear another word
There isn't one I haven't heard
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream
Say one more word and I'll scream

"Nope, I'm too scared." 

"Ok, then.  Everybody is going to the Block Party tomorrow.  You can talk to him then."  They have block parties at universities?

More after the break

Aidan Merwarth: Finn's wannabe boyfriend, pencil factory exec, juvenile delinquent, brat, with 3 d*cks and inconclusive social media

In Season 2 of Unprisoned, gay-coded Finn (Faly Rakotohavana) and his family go to group therapy. Mom complains  that he spends all day online, not interacting with anyone in real life, so he'll never "fall in love, get married, and have a nice life."  I'm not getting into the assumption that you have to be married to have a nice life.  The therapist assigns Finn to "make a friend," presumably a friend that he could fall in love with.

He invites Spencer (Aidan Merwarth), to his room but doesn't want to play video games or watch tv or anything.  Dude, if you're not going to make out with him, at least give him something to do.

Spencer plays with his phone for awhile, gets bored, calls Finn a "baby" (you wanted a real man?), and leaves.  He re-appears at the college fair to taunt Finn again. Well, can you blame him?  Dude thought he was going to get at least some smooching, and maybe some beneath-the-belt action.

Finn remains gay-vague, his sexual identity unconfirmed through two seasons.  

I wanted to know about this guy who is playing a gay subtext or maybe gay-text teenager.

He was born in July 2002, and grew up in San Antonio, where he weas homeschooled.  So either he's a fundamentalist Christian, or he goes on so many auditions that he has no time for school. 

 

He has 133 friends on Facebook.  

He's an acrobatic gymnast.  In 2015, at the International Acro Cup in Poland. Aidan and his sister Devon won second place in the mixed pair 11-16 age range

He attended the Los Angeles Film School, graduating with a B.S. in Animation in 2025.

He has eight acting credits on the IMDB.

A Girl Named Jo (2019). on Brat TV, features two girls trying to unravel a mystery at Attaway High School in 1963.  Aidan appears in four episodes as Felix, apparently Jo's boyfriend.

Another Brat TV series, Crazy Fast (2019), has a group of outsiders join the track team at Attaway High. Colin McCalla (left) stars.  Aidan plays Eamon, a runner "whose past with Rowan threatens everything."

Another straight guy, darn it.

The Forgotten Place is a short about Eric (Jeff Locker), who wants a friend.  He finds one (Brian Flaccus), but apparently he means a platonic friendship.

In Saving Paradise (2021), a "ruthless corporate executive" (William Moseley) has to return to his small town when he inherits his father's struggling pencil factory. At Christmastime.  He has to save it and win The Girl (named Charlie, just to fool you into thinking there's a gay romance).

So Paradise is a pencil factory?  I guess it beats saving the annual Christmas festival.  Aidan plays the  rutless corporate executive as a teenager, already in love with The Girl.

But a pencil factory?  When was the last time you used a pencil?  Or saw one?

More after the break

The top 18 gay-positive comedy movies: Bill and Ted, Jay and Silent Bob, zombies, pixies, time travelers, and Adam Devine in love

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Meet Me Next Christmas: A drag show, a queer cousin, Pentatonix, and a dancer's dick

  

I fast-forwarded through the first 20 of the Christmas movies streaming on Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu, and found only one with probable gay characters: Meet Me Next Christmas.  Plus there are two hot guys on the icon, so there's bound to be some beefcake.  

Scene 1: It's snowing in a Chicago with no recognizable landmarks.  Pentatonix is singing on holograms and store cams everywhere: "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."  The Girl, Layla, is in the airport with her luggage on Christmas Eve.  Who flies on Christmas Eve?  You won't get there in time for anything.  But all flights out are cancelled.  She is shocked; who knew that flights are cancelled in snow?  

While she is waiting in the VIP lounge, James (Kofi Siriboe, top photo), a hot guy with a cancelled flight, sits next to her.  Her flirting bio: she runs a charity that gives scholarships to deserving youth to attend Historically Black Colleges and Universities.  She shows him a photo of Derek, who graduated from Langston College in Oklahoma last year. 

Named after Langston Hughes, the Westernmost HBCU is advertised as an "excellent value," with a lot of white students on its website. and no mention of LGBT people.

"Right now Tanner and I would be going to the Pentatonix Christmas Eve Show."  You're flying on the same day as the show?  Idjit!

James doesn't know what Pentatonix is, even though they've been singing all through the airport, so Layla tells him. 

They decide that, if they're both single next year, they'll meet at next year's big Pentatonix Christmas Eve concert. 

Scene 2: The next year, three days before Christmas, Layla is at work, busily placing students at HBCUs, when her bff calls -- not a gay guy, darn it, but she talks like a drag queen.  Layla is going to pick up boyfriend Tanner's favorite dinner -- takeout Italian with a Christmas twist.

She arrives at her stunning Victorian -- in Poughkeepsie?  Why not near a HBCU college? -- screams -- and a half-naked lady runs out, followed by a shirtless Tanner (Brendan Morgan, left).  What idjit has a hookup when he knows his girlfriend will be home any minute?

Layla wants to know that too.  He explains that this is the day the maid comes, so he couldn't hook up at his place. So she dumps the Italian food on his bare chest,  slams the door, and looks out the window, miserable. 

Scene 3: In New York, staying with her bff, Layla drinks wine and stares out onto the city.  Girlfriend says that she always picks the wrong guys -- successful, muscular, well-hung -- but forgets to find out if he's into her.  "Is he your ride or die?"  

"Hey, maybe I can fall in love with my airport hookup from last year, James." They said they would meet at the big Pentatonix concert, but Tanner the idjit ordered Macklemore tickets this year! 

No problem; they'll just go to the Rockefeller Center website and buy a ticket for Pentatonix. Sold out!  "But you can go through a concierge service to get them." I thought a concierge worked in a hotel, but it's a general service that rich people use for help of all sorts, like getting sold-out tickets.

Scene 4: In New York,  two days before Christmas, concierge Teddy (Devale Ellis) passes out Christmas fudge to his coworkers, and cioppino to the boss lady.  I'll bet that Layla gets with him instead of James. 

Layla has hired him, after sending a lot of emails and showing up at the office. His job is to get her Petatonix tickets by tomorrow night.  "Your client reviews suck," Boss lady snarls,"So get this one done or you're fired."

In Teddy's office, Layla explains that she's freaking out because she's tried everything to get that ticket: Ticketmaster, Tickpick, Stubhub...none available.  Girl, just text the guy and offer to meet him somewhere else. 

Nothing in the company databases, but Teddy knows a guy who might have one. "He has a kiosk.  I'll go get it.  No, Layla wants to go with him, to make sure there are no screw-ups. And fall in love, of course.

Scene 5: Out onto the streets of Toronto masquerading as New York.  The kiosk is closed, but Layla found a guy on Dave's Tickets who has a couple, and wants to meet in the Village.  Tony resists -- he's the professional with the contacts, so this guy must be a scam -- but she drags him on.  Squabbling- they'll be smooching in the last scene, 100 to 1

Gay characters after ther break

"Happiest Season": Christmas romcom with lesbian couple, pansexual Patrick, Jake's junk, and Candy Cane Lane

Happiest Season, on Hulu, is advertised as "A Holiday romcom about being true to yourself and trying not to ruin Christmas."  The icon shows three heterosexual couples, an unattached woman, and what looks like a lesbian couple, but ten to one they're bickering sisters.  

But the husband on the left is Dan Levy, Patrick on Schitt's Creek, and the hunky Jake McDorman, top photo, is at the top of the cast list, so I'll give it a try.

Opening:  They're a lesbian couple!  The opening consists of watercolor-type pictures of two women, a blond and a brunette, meeting, falling in love, going to a family Christmas, celebrating Halloween and Thanksgiving, exchanging gifts, and moving in together.  They kiss twice, so it's unlikely that viewers will identify them as "just close friends."

Scene 1: A residential neighborhood decked out for Christmas, called Candy Cane Lane.  A tour guide gives its history: it was started by Herb Flack, with his nephew Otis playing Santa Claus "until he was arrested for child endangerment."  A pedophilia joke?   The ladies are taking the tour. 

The rich brunette is named Abby, and the poor blonde is Harper.  Somebody goofed --  Harper absolutely has to be the rich one.  It's impossible to keep their names straight, so I'll call them Rich Brunette and Blondie. 

Uh-oh, Blondie doesn't like Christmas, a major crime in these movies, and in real life during the month of December. Rush her to a re-education center, stat!  Brunette argues that it's impossible to not love Christmas -- I've heard that argument a lot -- but Blondie stands firm.

Next Brunette drags Blondie to a house that's not on the tour and up to the roof, so they can look down on the lights.  "Now you love it, right?"  Sure, trespassing makes any holiday more festive.

They complain about being separated for the holidays, kiss and...uh-oh, the homeowner hears them.  They slide off the roof, destroying an inflatable snowman, and run away.  The homeowner is a Santa Claus dominatrix and her reindeer-costume sub, har har.

Brunette has an idea: why not come to her parents' house for the holidays?  Wait -- the water-color intro already showed them with the parents at Christmas.  Blondie agrees.  They kiss for like five minutes. 

What happened to Herb Flack and Otis?  You can't name characters and then have them not appear.  We don't even see Candy Cane Lane again.

Scene 2:  The ladies' elegant brick house in downtown Pittsburgh.  Blondie works as a pet sitter?  Girlfriend must be an heiress. An old-fashioned phonograph playing a new song, "Jingle Bells" by Bayli, as Blondie says "We need to talk."  Uh-oh.  

It's nothing bad.  She just wanted to say that she got a substitute pet-sitter, John, so she can go.  Um...the first rule of fiction, even in frothy gay-positive fiction: there has to be conflict.

Cut to a coffee shop, where Blondie is giving John (Dan Levy) pet-sitting instructions.  Wait -- in the intro, he's celebrating Christmas  with the ladies and the parents.  I thought he was the Brunette's brother-in-law, married to the scary-looking sister.   

John is distracted because he left last night's hookup alone in the apartment, so he has to keep tracking him to make sure he leaves.  

Takeaway: he tracks all of his friends.  This will become important later.

In other news, Blondie is planning to ask Brunette to marry her.  John is against it: they're a perfect couple right now, so why spoil things with an archaic assimilationist ritual, trapping her girlfriend in "the iron box of heteronormativity"?

Also: she wants to ask Brunette's dad for his blessing first. You've been reading too many Jane Austen novels, girlfriend.

Scene 3:  Establishing shots of their trek out of the city into the deep, dark wilderness.  You know Pittsburgh is just an hour's drive from West Virginia, right?

Big reveal: When Brunette said that she was out to her parents, she was lying.  They think she is straight, and Blondie is her "roommate."  So, you're about 30, you haven't mentioned a guy in 15 years, and you're  living with a woman. Girl, they know.

And they can't come out now, because Dad is running for mayor, and he's trying to impress this important, homophobic doner.  Sounds like the plot of La Cage aux Folles.

Besides, he has made it very clear over the years that he will only love his children if they are perfect, and being gay is by definition imperfect, so she has a fake boyfriend played by Jake McDorman (butt left).

When they arrive, it turns out that there are three sisters and a scheming ex-girlfriend, all with long black hair, so I can't tell them apart.  But apparently they all have imperfections that they're keeping secret so Dad won't stop loving them:

Eldest sister and her husband are separated and divorcing, but pretending to be together.  The husband is played by Burl Mosely, seen here on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, where he sings "Don't Be a Lawyer."

Brunette is an imperfect lesbian.

Youngest daughter is writing a Harry Potter-like young adult fantasy novel in secret. 

 Pop Quiz: What happens next?

1. T/F: Brunette dumps Blondie for her ex-boyfriend.

2. T/F: John agrees with Brunette's decision to stay in the closet.

3. T/F: John gets a romantic partner

4. T/F: There are several other LGBT characters.

5.T/F: When Brunette comes out, her parents are fine with it.

Answers and Jake's dick after the break.  Caution: explicit.

Sweethearts: Thanksgiving romcom proving that there's gay life and cocks in Kansas...I mean rural Ohio...so don't move to Oz

 

Christmas romcoms are always about women leaving the Big City to find infinite joy and belonging in small towns.   Gay men can't relate, since they high-tailed it away from homophobic small towns to Big City gay neighborhoods.  

Sweethearts, on MAX, is a rare Thanksgiving romcom that pushes the small town.  There's gay life in Kansas.  Why move to Oz?

The premise: ,Two life-long best friends are going to the same college but distance-dating the boy/girl back home:

1. Ben is dating Claire, still in high school.

Ben is played by Nico Hiraga, left, a former semi-pro skateboarder from San Francisco. He has appeared in Booksmart, Love in Taipei, Goodrich, and The Power.

2. Jamie, a girl (Kiernan Shipka), is dating Simon (Charlie Hall, left), who is dumb as a fence post but got into Harvard on a football scholarship.  Say what? 

 The long distance relationships  aren't working out, so the two make a plan to break up with their partners when they all go home for Thanksgiving.  

Left: Simon butt

Obviously they're going to get together or it wouldn't be a romcom.  I'm fast forwarding through their scenes to get to Palmer (Caleb Hearon), the flamboyantly feminine "third friend" pictured in the animated opening. He's probably the standard romcom gay best friend who facilitates the romance, but maybe he'll get a boyfriend of his own.

Correction: I'm also interested in Ben's college roommate Tyler, played by Zach Zucker , a "Bad Bi Boy Clown" -- literally. He trained for two years at the Ecole Philippe Gaulier.  

On his Facebook page, Zach notes that "Bi Visibility Day is cool because it forces all of the people who have caused you pain by denying your existence to look at your butt and mask-covered dick pics."   Where's the mask covered dick pic, Zach?

His character is introduced smooching a girl in bed, but maybe he's bi:

He looks at Ben's fake id and comments: "I'll go out with you.  Just kidding."

Ben has his hands full, so he asks Tyler to take his cell phone from his pocket.  "Whoops, wrong phone.  Just kidding."  

He seems to be dancing with Ben in the closing party scene.

And that's just when  I paused the fast-forwarding.

Paris: "Third Friend" Parker is introduced at Minute 15, calling the duo, wearing a striped shirt and beret, sitting in front of an image of the Eiffel Tower.  He took a gap year after high school to move to Paris, and he is working at a fast-food place near Euro Disney.  Why would visitors to Euro Disney want to see fast-food workers in clichéd French costumes?  

He announces that he is no longer "vaguely pretending to be straight." Really?  Who would think you were straight after talking to you for 30 seconds? 

He'll be coming out to a select group of former classmates at a party at his house on the night before Thanksgiving.

More after the break, including a rural Ohio gay community and some dicks,  Caution: explicit.