What has Gavin Munn, Abraham on "The Righteous Gemstones," been up to lately? Hint: It's not acting, and there's a prom involved. With some n*de buddies.

I've been checking up on the Gemstone guys, to see what they've been doing since the show ended, or since their last appearance, and it's time for Gavin Munn. His Abraham, one of Jesse Gemstone's three sons, was a minor character with only a few lines per season and only a few probably-unintentional queer codes (enough for me to write a fan fiction story where he comes out).  But Gavin had a strong social media presence.  He posted so many interesting photos that I had enough for six cute/cool collections.

He was an athlete, so as he moved through adolescence, we saw him bulking up.

He had a hot dad and older brother.

He buddied up to his Gemstone brothers, Skyler Gisondo and Kelton Dumont, male Gemstone guest stars, and hunky stuntmen.

And a surprising number of non-actor friends.

The Righteous Gemstones ended in 2025.  What has Gavin been up to lately?

Answer after the break.  Hint: It ain't pretty.

Leon Mallett:Checking the East Anglia Boy's impressive j/o photos first, researching his potential gayness and celebrity status later

 

I don't usually start researching based on some  adult videos, but this guy has it all: cute face, nice physique, huge cock, in a series of very clear photos posted on several nude celebrity sites.  I'm just worried that he's not an actor, so I won't be able to profile him.

So I'll check the IMDB last.  First up: his social media, to see if he's gay. 

Tagline: Singer/Songwriter.  He could be an actor, too.  I'm continuing the research.

An East Anglia boy, from Norwich, about 2 1/2 hours east of London.  

Lots of beefcake shots and guy-hugging photos, no girl-hugging -- a good sign.

Wait -- in one photo, he's grabbing the "big couple of palavas" on Katie Price.  An interest in palavas is generally a sign of  male heterosexual identity.

But Katie Price is an actress, model, and public figure who performs at a lot of Pride events, and came out as a lesbian in 2025.  Maybe he's just being playful.

But Leon's sweater says "Alright, my darlin'?"  That's something you would say to a girl.

Ok, I'm ready to check the shirt-lifter's IMDB profile.

Leon Mallett, aka Leon James, was born in 1995 in East Anglia.  In 2014, he auditioned for The X Factor, the British talent showcase, as a member of the boy band Fifth Street, but didn't make it.

He and his brother Alex auditioned as a duo in 2017.  Alex was cut during Boot Camp (the first challenge), but Leon made it through the Six Chair Challenge, Judges' Houses, Week 1, and Week 2, whereupon he was eliminated. 

He returned as a special guest on The X-Factor: Celebrity (2019).

And he appeared as himself in the documentary When Celebrity Goes Horribly Wrong 2 (2020), about celebrity fails: Calum Best accused of sexual assault; Nick Ferrari making racist comments; Chloe Goodman in  a feud with her sister.

No information on what Leon's scandal was. 

I'll get to the j/o photos in a moment.  Next, checking his songs for gay hints.

In "East Anglia Boy" (2014), Leon praises his home province: the sights, the food, the shopping.  He meets a girl who likes his accent, but not his clothes. Sounds heterosexist. But it's a  parody "American Boy" by Estelle, where she meets a boy, so he would have to meet a girl.

"One Girl in a Million" (2014) sounds extremely heterosexist, but it was actually written by Leon's father.  Leon found it in the attic after his death, and recorded it as a tribute.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Tenzing Norgay Trainor: Grandson of the famous Sherpa plays a bi guy, shows his finger a lot. With nude dudes from Nepal

I decided to profile Tenzing Norgay Trainor because he's named for the Nepalese-Tibetan Sherpa Tenzing Norgay, the first person to reach the summit of Mount Everest (along with Sir Edmund Hilary), so I can mention Doctor Who and post photos of cute Nepali guys.

Turns out that Tenzing Norgay is our Tenzing's grandfather! He has several other Everest-climbing Sherpas in his family, but he was born in Los Angeles, and grew up in Florida.  

 Here Tenzing is at a celebration of the 70th anniversary of the 1953 expedition.    

He must be Buddhist: the Lotus Sutra, the Five-Fold Path,  infinite compassion....

Or not.  This gesture is literally an invitation to anal sex, but it's used metaphorically to indicate the opposite of compassion, extreme disrespect and contempt.  And he does it all the time in his social media photos.  

OMG, he has extreme contempt for everybody.  And he's obviously straight, with about 3,000 girl-hugging photos (using their free hands to make the extreme-contempt gesture). He'd better have some gay roles or nude photos.

Tenzing's on-screen acting career begins in 2012, with some shorts and guest spots on tv series.  Then he appeared in The Lost Medallion (2013), a fundamentalist movie starring Billy Unger; and Super Buddies (2013), about super-powered dogs.  (His character is named Buddha, which strikes me as disrespectful).

The Disney teencom Liv and Maddie (2013-17) sends  Liv Rooney, whose identical twin sister is a famous tv star (also named Liv) to public school, where she befriends the It-Girl Maddie. Or that's what the IMDB plot synopsis says.  Wikipedia says that Maddie is the identical twin sister.   

All episodes end in "a-Rooney."  For instance, in "Choose-a-Rooney," Maddie has to choose between Diggie and Josh (Ryan McPartan, Lucas Adams).

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Revival: The dead return in small-town Wisconsin, with zombies, a gay deputy, a lot of hunks, and four d*cks

 

Netflix just dropped a tv series called Revival, with an icon of a woman "under conviction," heading to the altar?  Sounds cool.

When I was growing up in the Nazarene Church, hearing the same preacher screaming about the same topics (the Second Coming, The Book of Jor-shua, Homa-Sekshuls) three times a week for month after month got a little tedious.  So twice a year we invited an evangelist in for a week-long "revival" to get us revved up again.

Scene 1: Christmastime at the crematorium of Wausau, Wisconsin.  Randy the Creepy Mortician (Graeme Barrett) wheels a cremation box past a dead girl while a female reporter sets up.   He explains the procedure, but wonders if anyone really cares about a story on cremation.  

"It's a piece on unusual jobs, so..."

Suddenly warning lights flash, and inside the dead guy starts yelling "Let me out!"   As the mortician tries to override the system, the door bursts open, and the dead guy jumps out, covered in flames. He runs around screaming.  The corpses in the other chambers are screaming and yelling to be let out, and someone in a body bag sits up. 

Wait -- this isn't about church revivals, it's about the dead coming back to life!  

Scene 2:  Sheriff Wayne (David James Elliot) is arguing with his grown daughter, Dana: "This ain't my fault!  You've been running ever since you fumbled the Black Deer case!"  

"I'm doing what's best for me and Cooper!  After all we've been through..."  

The Sheriff gets a phone call, but can't deal with it, because he's trying to guilt his daughter into not moving away.

But the phone starts ringing "off the hook." "You'll have to come back to work --- it's an emergency.  Go see Randy the Creepy Mortician." 

Left: David's dick.  He's busy during the clip, so it was hard to get a clear shot.

Scene 3: Dana drives through the rainy December night, listening to 10-33 (emergency) calls.  Suddenly she screeches to a stop, staring in horror.  A bunch of people in suits are walking through the cemetery toward her, asking what's going on.  A n*ked man rushes by (he was buried without clothes).    A little girl wants to know where her mommy is.

Scene 4: TV report: It's been about a month since Revival Day, December 18th, and Mayor Ken (Conrad Coates) is finally lifting the lockdown order, but the town is still under quarantine while the CDC investigates the 47 people who revived.  All of them died during the two week period before Revival Day.  I looked it up.  In a town the size of Wausau, Wisconsin, about ten people will die during any two-week period.  This is way too many.

Cut to the Mayor interviewing one of the Revivers.  He felt pain in his arm, collapsed, and then he was in the funeral home, as if no time passed.  

Cut to Dana taking a gross milky bath.  Her friend comes in and complains that: she was supposed to visit her brother at Northwestern, not get quarantined with zombies; a girl she hates was revived; Dana never cleans up; and the lockdown is over, so get out!

Time to send her son Cooper to school.  The mean, aggressive, barbaric boys make fun of the girl who revived, but Cooper thinks she's nice. (Heterosexual identity established at age 11).

Hudson Wurster (Cooper) has a femme affect, but he is surrounded by girls in most of his Instagram photos, so I'm going to identify him as straight.

Scene 5: Nellie's Bar.  Dana stumbles out, smooching with a guy (I can't find him in the cast list). They jump into her cop car and fumble around, trying to do it through heavy coats.  Then the Sheriff calls: she has to go investigate a dead horse.

"So, can I call you?" The hookup asks.  "Sure."  But she doesn't give her number.

Cut to the dead horse, on the property of a rich jerk who writes books about how to live to 100 (cut out red meat, and walk a lot).  There's also a dead coyote on his property, and some small objects that Dana finds disturbing.  I can't tell what they are.

Scene 6: Dana arrives at the sheriff's office, which is swamped by people wanted to know if their loved ones were revived. We meet several quirky small-town deputies, including McCray (Nathan Dales), a condescending jerk with bad breath; and her ally, Gunderson (Mark Little), "quirky, kind-hearted, the lead bowler of the Pinsconsin Pride."  

Dana wants the list of the Revived, but the Sheriff won't let anyone else see it.  In other news, she's been assigned a partner, and Gunderson thinks that he's "a cutie patootie."  Gay identity established instantly.

Left: Mark Little seems to be straight in real life, but he is inclusive in his comedy routine.  Among the phrases he suggests for "the nonchalant man" to say during his orgasm: "Whoa, buddy, that was awesome."

In his office, the Sheriff is arguing with the Mayor about bringing in a guy from the CDC to help investigate the Revived. Shouldn't they have done that weeks ago?  

 More after the break

Alex Pettyfer: A teenage buddy-bond, then a career of meeting The Girl in a gay-free universe. At least he's super-sized

 

I found several nude photos of Alex Pettyfer, who I recall vaguely from the 2000s.  Didn't he play a gay teenager at one point?  So I'll start the research.  

Alex was born in 1990 in Stevenage, Hertfordshire, about 30 miles from London.  His parents were stage actors making the rounds of West End theatres.  His career began at age seven, when fashionista Ralph Lauren met him in a toy store and chose him to be the face of British youth.  

Several schools followed.  I don't know if Alex kept flunking out, or being sent down for pranks, but eventually he ended up at the Sylvia Young Theatre School in London, and landed his first on-screen role, Tom Brown's School Days (2005).

Movie versions of the 1857 novel by Thomas Hughes are usually rather open about the romances of macho, athletic boarding school boy with snobbish intellectual East (played by Jimmy Lydon, left, and Freddie Bartholomew, center, in 1940).  Alex's version tones down the buddy-bonding in favor of a mentoring relationship with the headmaster (Stephen Frye).  Plus he flirts with a girl.

I'm a little disappointed, but maybe the gay  roles come later.

Alex Rider: Stormbreaker (2006)?  It was supposed to be the start of a series based on Anthony Horowitz's novels about a 14 year old spy.  But the reviews were awful, so it was dropped. Spoiler alert: Alex gets a girlfriend.  

Left: Otto Farrant played Alex Rider in the tv series.  He gets a girlfriend, too.

Wild Child (2008)?  A spoiled rich girl is sent to a stuff British boarding school.  Alex (Pettyfer) plays her "love interest."  Why do they call it a "love interest" instead of "heterosexist propaganda"?

This shot from Tormented (2009) looks like Alex is hugging a boyfriend, but he's actually bullying a boy.  The boy dies, then returns from the dead to get his revenge on the popular kids who "tormented" him.  Bradley plays one of the popular kids; he has sex with his girlfriend, and then gets his penis torn off.

Left: Alex's butt as he gets with his girl.

 

I'm getting tired of this.   I'm skipping to the shows Alex is "known for."

In Time (2011): "In a future where people stop aging at 25, but are engineered to live only one more year, having the means to buy your way out of the situation is a shot at immortal youth."  Wait -- you stop aging at age 25, but die at age 26?  Who cares if you stop aging?   Anyhow, Justin Timberlake and The Girl are on the run. 

Alex plays Fortis, "a greedy, homicidal gangster" who steals time from people.  I read through his biography, hoping that he would be gay, but nope, he tries to sexually assault Justin's girlfriend.

More after the break

The Pontius Gemstone Horror Picture Show, with Stacy, Frank, Rocky, and a special appearance by Dolly Parton

Gay icons Dolly Parton and Tim Curry (Frank in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show") both died on August 25th, 2026. so I wanted to find some way to get them both in the same story, and Pontius and Stacy from "The Righteous Gemstones" seemed ideal as a modern-day Brad and Janet. 

There’s a light at the Frankenstein place

 It was dark, it was raining, the narrow country road was heading nowhere, and on the radio, there was something about demolishing the Washington Monument to build a 50-foot tall golden statue. 

"Turn that junk off!” Stacy told his boyfriend Pontius.  “I’m tired, I’m cold, and I’m not in the mood.”

 “Ok, ok, chill, Stace.  How about Dolly Parton?”

 “Your Grandpa’s bff?”

“She was actually my Grandma’s bff.  They recorded an album together.”  Pontius didn’t like to talk about his family much, because it was so complicated – and seedy. It seemed like someone with a grudge against his granddad, world-famous Evangelical preacher Eli Gemstone, showed up every single year.  There were kidnappings, murders, assassins on bikes.  He actually met Stacy when the guy was shoot by a serial killer targeting Grandad Eli.  

“Go ahead, put on some Dolly,” Stacy told him.  “ She always cheers me up.”

Pontius pulled up the “Greatest Hits” album his phone and sighed as she began “Two Doors Down.”

 It had been a bad day from the start.  Well, not waking up with Stacy in his arms at the Charlotte Hilton.   Breakfast was ok.  But the last session in the Queer Youth Conference was bogus, all about handling internalized homophobia and religious guilt.  It was 2026.  Who felt guilty about being gay or bi anymore?  They wouldn’t have gone at all, but they promised to report to Uncle Kelvin, who was running the queer youth ministry at the Salvation Center.

They got a late start, and then they had to detour around Columbia, and then they took a wrong turn onto an endless country road in rural South Carolina.  No mile markers, and the GPS wasn’t even working.   

Crunch!  A flat tire.  Of course!  Stacy pulled over to the side of the road.

 “Do you have roadside assistance?” he asked.

 “Sure. but…no bars.  I can’t call.”  He hesitated.  “ I’m a poor litle rich boy – we had drivers, chauffeurs, and auto mechanics on staff, so I never learned how to do anything but get gas – maybe.  I don’t suppose you know how to change a flat tire?”

 Stacy giggled.  “Do I look  know anything about cars?”

“I don’t know,” Pontius said.  “When I look at you, all I can see is how hot you are.”   He drew Stacy in for a kiss.

“Hey, didn’t we pass a castle a few miles back?  We could stop by and see if they have cell phone reception.  Or maybe they have a land line.”

“A castle in South Carolina, Stace?”

 He shrugged.  “Maybe it’s part of a Medieval Times restaurant, or a miniature golf course.  Anyway, unless you have a better idea….”

The “castle” was more like one of those counry mansions built by the robber barons in the 19th century, all Gothic spires, with a central tower and a greenhouse dome.  When they knocked, a middle aged man, balding but with long blond hair, answered the door and said “Hello” in a weird faux-British accent.

“Hi, I’m Pontius, and this is my boyfriend Stacy."

He stared.  “You can call me…Riff Raff.”

 “Underdog role playing -- cool!  So, Riff Raff, our car broke down.  Could we use your phone to call a tow truck?”

 He continued to stare.  “Hmm…I think you’d better ask the Master about that.”

 The Master?  Pontius nudged Stacy.  Were these guys into a BDSM master-slave relationship?

He led them through the parlor, past a huge assortment of Goth  relics – stone gargoyles, a statue of a bear, a skeleton in a coffin.  The Master must be a Heavy Metal rocker.

“You’re very lucky that the Master is home tonight. Usually he’s out with his…um…affairs.” 

“You’re lucky!” came a voice from above – It was a woman with frizzy black hair, dressed in a maid’s outfit, sliding down the staircase bannister!  “I’m lucky, we’re all lucky, ha ha ha!”

 When she got to the base, she curtseyed. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Huh?”

 “Magenta!  My name is your favorite color, Magenta! Lke pink, but sexier!”

 “Oh – I was going to say blue,” Pontius told her.  “I’m digging the French maid outfit, but your accent is slipping.  It sounds Eastern European.”

 “It’s Transylvanian!  We're aliens from the planet Transylvania."  She paused expectantly.  Did she think they would be surprised?

"Cool," Pontius said, covering a yawn.  "My brother dated Jimmy Olsen, who works for the Daily Planet, and one time in Metropolis he introduced us to..."

"Shall we continue?" Riff Raff interrupted.  "It's astounding -- time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll."

 Through two more knicknack-filled rooms and into a space that looked like a ballroom. 

 “The Master will be down presently,” Riff Raff said.  “He’ll want you out of those rain-soaked clothes.”  He started pulling off Pontius’s shirt, and unzipping his pants.   The maid Magenta did the same with Stacy. 

 A blond hunk fumbling with his shirt?  His cell phone had bars now, but calling a tow truck could wait….

 Stacy was not as enthusiastic about Magenta. “Wait a minute – I’m gay!  Could I get Riff Raff? My boyfriend Pontius is bi – maybe he’ll be into the French maid scene.”

 She sneered. “Transylvanian maid.  But you can relax, femme boy.  I just like to watch.  In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention, well secluded, I see all.”

 “Ok, then, we’ll both take Riff Raff,” Pontius said.  He reached down and tried to fondle his crotch, but the blond dude pushed his hand away. 

The Sweet Transvestite

With a loud clank, an old fashioned elevator descended, and out came a hot guy in a dominatrix outfit, with fishnet stockings, high heels, pearls, glam makeup and an old-time movie star hairdo.  Pontius nudged Stacy “Dibs.”

The Master began to sing: Don’t get strung out by the way I look – don’t judge a book by its cover.  I’m not much of a man by the light of day…

“Don’t say that,” Pontius interrupted.  “There’s nothing wrong with being femme.  Actually, I prefer femme boys.”  He put his arm around Stacy.

 “Um…ok….I’m just a sweet transvestite from  transsexual Transylvania..”

 “Not cool, dude,” Stacy said.  “Those oldster terms are offensive.  You’re a drag queen, not a transvestite, and it's transgender, not transsexual.  And how can everybody on a whole planet be trans?"

 “It's just a song, ok?"

Pontius held out his hand.  "I'm Pontius, and this is my boyfriend Stacy."

"Charmed.  My name would be too complicated for your tiny human minds to comprehend, so you can call me Frank.  Frank N Furter.”

 Pontius and Stacy both started giggling.  “You’re an advanced alien species, and that’s all you could come up with?” Stacy said. 

 “Do you have a brother named Meat Loaf?” Pontius asked.

Frank glared at Riff Raff.  “Um…have you met my boy toy, Rocky?   When I was just a horny  young thing, I built a man...with blond hair and a tan.  He’s good for relieving my…tensions.”

  Rocky was a silver fox muscleman, in his 50s, wearing only a bulging golden jockstrap.  He flexed as he walked.

 Stacy nudged Pontius. “Dibs.”

Rocky held out his hand and grunted.  

"I'm afraid my man is nonverbal.  I never could get the esophagus right, but everything else works.  A deltoid and a bicep, a hot groin and a tricep makes me...shake.  Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the..."

 “We have a flat tire, “ Pontius began.  “We came in to use your phone, but we have bars now, so we can be on our way.  Unless…” he said hopefully.

Frank began to sing: Why don’t you stay for the night? I could get you both rooms. We could listen to some Dolly Parton tunes. Or if you want something visual, that’s pretty groovy, We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

“Who?”

Stacy looked him up on his cell phone, and showed Pontius. A muscle hunk from the 1950s! “Yeah, let’s do that.”

They watched Hercules Unchained (1958), with Rocky shadowing the action like in a midnight move. Riff Raff didn’t watch, but occasionally Frank summoned him for more popcorn or soda.

It’s not healthy here

When the movie ended, Pontius expected someone to suggest a three way.  Or a four way.  Maybe he could screw Magenta the French Maid – er, Transylvanian Maid --  while watching Frank screw Stacy.  Wait, Stacy wasn't into ladies.  He could screw Riff Raff while Frank was sucking Stacy.  Wait, Stacy wasn't into femme guys, either.  This was getting complicated.

But no one suggested anyything.  Frank yawned, said something about needing his beauty sleep, Rocky grunted, and they disappeared.  Riff Raff took their arms and led them to separate blue and pink rooms. 

“That’s ok, we’re a couple,” Pontius told him. “We can sleep together.”

“I’m afraid the beds are too small to accommodate two such…strapping young men.  You’ll have to part, and reunite for dinner.  It’s at 3:00 am.”

Aliens had dinner in the middle of the night, after sleeping for a few hours?  Well, when in Rome…

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

"Brotherhood of the Wolf": Two gay-subtext romances in 18th Century France, with sleaze, blood, Satanism, Catholics, and cocks

For movie night this week we saw The Brotherhood of the Wolf, which actually came out in 2000, but it resembles the sleazy second-features they used to show at the drive in, when you were falling asleep and couldn't pay much attention to the plot, or try to distinguish the charaters.  These movies have an unnaturally bright color pallette and unnervingly loud noises to keep you awake, impenetrable dialogue because no one's really listening, lots of fake blood, and lots of sex, with women who act like they're in a Hai Karate commercial

Hai Karate was an old cologne advertised as making you so attractive that you have to use karate to fight off the hoardes of clawing, screaming women desperate to get ahold of your goods - and this was a good thing?  I got a bottle for Christmas one year, but was afraid to use it. 

I was wide awake (for most of it, anyway), but I still didn't get the plot.  I know that it's the 1750s, and a wolf is terrorizing the people of Gévaudan, France, the modern department of Lozère, a thinly populated, mountainous region about 250 km from Marseilles.  

Grégoire de Fronsac (Samuel le Bihan, left), the king's naturalist, and his Iroquois "companion" Mani (Mark Dascascos, top photo) are dispatched to track down and kill the wolf.  They have a gay-subtext relationship:

Left: Fronsac cock.

Host: "Let me show your servant to his quarters."

Fronsac: "He's not my servant.  He'll be staying in the room with me."

Host: "But there's only one bed...never mind."

 

A gay-coded young Marquis (Jérémie Renier, right) is also interested in Fronsac: "Tell me about Paris.  What are the latest fashions?  What's going on in the theater season?"

There are 200 wikipedia pages devoted to 18th century French playwrights, but the only ones I recognize are Dennis Diderot, Voltaire, and Pierre Beaumarchais, who wrote operas later in the century.  

After examining some victims, Fronsac declares that the Beast is much too big to be a wolf, but they don't believe him, and go on a wolf hunt (corpses piled high).  He insists, and is fired and sent home.  But the Marquis believes him, so they go on their own Beast-hunt.

Meanwhile Fronsac gets three girlfriends: the winsome daughter of his host; a middle-aged lady at the brothel, who reads Tarot cards; and a young woman in male drag who participates in the hunts.  But Bob said that it was just two; the male drag lady is also either the daughter of the host or the Tarot card lady.  He didn't know which.   

The beast turns out to be an African creature in a stegasaurus suit. It appears to be controlled by an evil guy (Vincent Cassell) who has a shriveled arm with long fingernails, making him look like half a drag queen.  He may be the brother of Fronsac's first girlfriend, but also wants to have sex with her. 

More after the break

Which Ben R. has the monster cock? The gay German singer, the short guy from Seattle, the nude ikigai guy, the golf pro...

 This will be fun.  A guy named Ben R. is showing us his monster cock (last name censored because he's not an actor).  There are at least 30 Ben R.'s with Instagram, Facebook, or Linkedin pages. Your job is to figure out which one has the third leg, based on the visual cues and biographical data

Here are the ten Bens to choose from:

1. A gay singer from Freiburg, Germany.

I'm not into skinny guys, but I heard that they tend to be hung.

2. Right: An ambassador for Christ in Christchurch, New Zealand, originally from Iowa.  

Nice bulge, buddy, but do ambassadors for Christ usually post cock pics?

3. Far right:A student at the University of Arizona, originally from Colorado, in the Kappa Epsilon fraternity.

You don't need to be gifted beneath the belt if you've got muscle.

4. A student at Mansfield University in Ohio, on the basketball team.  

The goggle glasses give him a cute teen-nerd vibe. I'll bet he's got a lot going on down there.

5. A graduate of Indiana University who now works as a rates trader in New York.

I don't know what a rates trader is, but he looks good in a suit.

More after the break

Airport Chaplain: Rebel cop...er, chaplain, job squabbles, personal angst, and eight gay guys, some with cocks (Max has two)

 . 

When Airport Chaplain (2026) popped up on my Netflix recommendations, I was curious: I didn't even know that airport chaplain was a job.  Who needs pastoral counseling when they're awaiting their flight to San Diego?  So we'll check out the first episode.

 We open with establishing shots of an an airport.  A hoodied person runs fast past Security Guard Ziv, who yells "Oi!  Stop, mate!"  I'm guessing this is England.  (Update: It's actually Australia) 

Gay Guy #1: Elias Anton (Ziv)  starred with Thom Green (below) in the queer romance Of an Age (2022). 

Left: Anton's backside.

Cute guy in the security station is monitoring the sitch. As the Chaplain gives money to a homeless person, he is notified of the runner and heads toward the International Terminal. 

He grabs the runner -- it's just a kid -- and calls off security.  The kid talks to him in Spanish -- which doesn't appear on the subtitles, darn it -- so the Chaplain runs off  to the the cleaner's trolley outside the Prayer Room, grabs a plush toy, and rushes back past Border Control without getting it scanned.  Border Control Johnny is hesitant, but Chaplain says it's an emergency.    

Gay Guy #2: Thomas Weatherall (Johnny), played a gay high schooler on Heartbreak High.

Gay Guy #3: Hugo Weaving (the Chaplain) is best known as the drag queen Tick in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994) and Elrond in the Lord of the Rings movies.

The Chaplain gets the kid to his Buenos Aires flight (the toy actually belongs to his baby sister).   Problem solved.  So that's what airport chaplains do.  I figured they would, you know, pray with people.

I checked online: most large airports, even in the U.S., have full-time or volunteer chaplains. The fliers and their loved ones aren't just grumbling over the long lines and cancelled flights; they are often going through emotional crises, and need someone to talk to -- or pray with.  

Cut to the Chaplain in his office, with a real snake, stuffed birds, and drawings from kids saying thank you for retrieving their teddy bears. He's handling the case of Nino, who needs his flight re-booked because he wasn't allowed on the plane with his pet dog.  Maybe the Chaplain or his wife can look after him while he's away?  (Heterosexual identity established at Minute 5).

The terminal manager comes in to complain that he was canned for poor reviews.  He's old, but he doesn't want to stay home, with a wife who's always either "hot or angry." (Heterosexual identity established immediately.)

"By the way, the new Terminal Manager won't approve of rebel cops...um, I mean chaplains...who have unconventional methods and ignore the rule book."

Next, the Chaplain is called to the case of Alex Zhang, an Australian citizen returning from Shanghai.  His father died on the the flight, so the passengers are understandably upset.  The Chaplain calls Border Control Johnny to ensure that he gets through customs quickly, and Head Baggage Handler Lex to ensure that the body is taken to the holding area..  

Gay Guy #4:  Queer actor Erroll Shand (Lex) played a closeted lawyer in Outrageous Fortunes, and a gay prince in Our Flag Means Death and 

The Chaplain goes down to the holding area to comfort Alex, who is on an "I'm very important!" business call.  Not grieving much, are you , buddy?

He explains the procedure: get an ok from the coroner, then transport the body to a funeral home.  Alex hadn't thought of that.  Not on your ten-hour flight from Shanghai to Melbourne?

"So...um...were you and your father close?"

"Not really.  Pardon -- work call."

"Would you like me to...um...pray for him?"  

"We're Buddhist."  Chaplain takes that as an invitation, and says a Buddhist prayer over the coffin.

Back to the office, where Border Security Johnny is hanging out with -- and flirting with -- Nino the Dog Guy.

Gay Guy #5: Queer actor Nicholas Denton (Nino) played gay or gay-vague characters in Dangerous Liaisons and the vampire drama Talamasca. 

Chaplain has a solution to the dog problem: Crate him and transport him in the hold.  It will cost an extra $2,400 ($1,700 U.S.).

"Nope, can't afford it.  Besides, it would be cruel to crate him for such a long flight.

Uh-oh, Security head Sami calls Chaplain to the security room.  "Why did Border Control Johnny let you take that toy through security without scanning before?"

Arka Das (Sami) seems to be straight.

"It was an emergency."

"The new Terminal Manager is hyper-vigilant. Johnny will get written up, or even fired.  And by the way, I can't let you use security cams to research people's personal problems anymore.  I'll get written up."

Next crisis: Alex, the one with the dead dad, is sitting at the baggage carousel, not picking up his stuff. Chaplain asks what's wrong.  He starts crying.

Gay Guy #6: Max Brown (Alex Zhang) played the king's dresser on the period drama Downton Abbey.  He hooks up with Rob James-Collier.

Turns out that Alex was overcome by grief earlier, and trying to distance himself with work calls.  Plus Dad's body shouldn't go to the funeral home.  It's a Chinese tradition to pray and say goodbye over the deceased loved one at home.

Chaplain makes the arrangements, and drives Alex home, where a young woman, an old woman, and some Buddhist nuns are ready for the prayers.  Alex doesn't mention a wife or girlfriend, so the young woman must be his sister.

More gay guys after the break