"What You Wish For": Nick Stahl plays a chef who discovers what's on the menu. With two n*de Ecuadorian dudes

  

What You Wish For (2023) just dropped on Hulu.  It stars Nick Stahl, who played a lot of conflicted queer teenagers back in the day, so I'm in.

Scene 1: A very craggy Nick Stahl arrives in an unspecified South American country (very near the equator, so maybe Ecuador).  He tries to get a cab, but he doesn't speak Spanish, and the taxi drivers don't speak English...then he sees that his host sent a driver!

Through the jungle to a beautiful ultra-modern house.  The host left a note: he won't be back until late, but make yourself at home.  So Nick cooks himself an omelette.

Uh-oh, a text from Rabbit: he wants the $50,000 right away.  Leaving the country won't help: "I'll track you down."  Gambling debts?

Scene 2: Jack (Brian Groh) arrives.  Back story: they were roommates in culinary school 12 years ago, and haven't seen each other since. So, whose idea was this reunion?   Nick is a failure, reduced to cooking in a hotel kitchen ("a lot of roast chicken"), while Jack travels to exotic locations all over the world: he spends a week in the ritzy house, vetting ingredients, prepping, and cooking a meal for rich people.  He's paid extraordinarily well for this.  "But it's not as exciting as it sounds.  My bosses are assholes, and...well..."

Scene 3: They drive into town.  Jack complains about cooking for the super-rich among the most impoverished people you've ever met.  When they stop for lunch, Jack asks "So, do you have a wife or girlfriend back home?"  No.  You forgot to ask about a boyfriend or husband, buddy.

Not to worry, a tourist named Alice, having a "spontaneous adventure," joins them, and asks if they're together.  "No, we haven't seen each other in twelve years."  That doesn't tell her if you are gay.

They invite her back to the house to see which is the best chef (she prefers Nick's risotto).  Then they go swimming, and Alice and Jack head off to bed. Hetero identity established at Minute 15. Interesting that there's no question about who Alice will hook up with. Is Nick not into ladies?

Scene 4: In the morning, Jack drives Alice back to her hotel, and returns to hang out with Nick again.  

"Why do you need a whole week to source the ingredients for just one meal?"

"It's complicated.  My bosses are...well, people are just the worst, selfish a-holes.  And they're destroying the planet.  We'll all be dead in ten years, so what's the point."

Scene 5: The next morning, Nick wakes up to discover that Jack has hanged himself!  This came as a shock.

He doesn't grieve much, because he didn't really know the guy.  Suddenly Rabbit texts: "I need that $50,000 or your mum gets it!"  

Nick gets the bright idea of stealing Jack's identity, raiding his bank account to pay his gambling debts, and taking his place in the cushy chef job.  He talks his way into changing the password on Jack's bank account, then rushes out and buys a fake id.

Later that day, director Imogine and her assistant Maurice (Juan Carlos Messier) arrive, and are horrified that he's been there for a week,b ut hasn't vetted out the meat yet.  "No problem: it's just one meal.  I'll buy it tomorrow." 

"Buy it?  Are you daft?"  Uh-oh.

Director Imogene rushes him to a convenience store in town; maybe someone there is healthy.  Nope, they'll have to try again tomorrow.   Healthy?  Finally Nick realizes that he's supposed to cook people! 

Scene 6: Nick tries to leave during the night and change back to his Nick identity, but they are both up.  They sense that he's trying to leave, and explain: they serve 50 meals a year, but often choose two people, in case one is "rotten."  That's about 75 deaths per year, far fewer than workers in the oil industry, or cab drivers. Plus they channel 10% off their profits back into the community they harvest from, so it's a win-win.

But they're counting on Nick.  If he refuses to cook, or prepares a bad meal, he's dead.

Scene 7: In the morning, Maurice takes him into the village, where Sunday Mass is just letting out.  They set their sights on a teenage girl, but she's with an old lady, who would be no good.  An  auto mechanic named Jose (Felipe Solano) looks ok.  Maurice flirts with him, finds out about his interest in sports and healthy eating habits, and shoots him. 

Uh-oh, the two ladies have contacted the police, who interrogate Maurice.  He claims that they're scoping out sites for a possible hotel.  Nick is the architect.

Scene 8: Back at the house, Nick has the job of prepping the body.

Left: Jose, N*de Dude #1

Want to see his frontside?

Afterwards Nick tries to run away again, but accidentally hits a member of the grounds crew (and crashes the car).  

Maurice tells him that only one chef has ever been allowed to quit: she cooked so well that the Agency was impressed, but instead of payment she asked to be released, and they agreed.  So maybe Nick could cook an exceptional meal, and get ou that way?

Scene 9: He announces four courses: Carpaccio with pozole soup; turnip spaghetti carbonara with sage beurre noisette; thigh Bourdelaise and beets;  and tongue sashimi for dessert (requested by one of the guests).  You don't generally think of beets and turnips as South American, but they grow specialized tropical varieties in Ecuador.

More after the break.  

Jordan Buhat: The Grown-ish hunk solves murders, is murdered, spends Christmas on Cherry Lane, shows his cock in a 30 minute j/o video

 

A celebrity named Jordan Buhat posts 30-minute long videos where he dances nude in front of the camera, teasing that he's goiing to show his cock minute after minute after minute.  Then at the very end, he finally gets around to about 30 seconds of j/o  (after the break).

Ok, it's impressive, but there are lots of guys out willing to go farther, and faster.  I don't have all day.

He shows his rather impressive butt also, so I'm going to conclude that he's gay and a bottom.  But why the endless teases that most guys are just going to just fast-foward through?

Jordan graduated from the University of Alberta in 2018.  He had taken a few small roles, on Letterkenny, Summer of 84, and Blurt, but planned on a career as a secondary school drama and gym teacher.  Then he was cast in Grown-ish, and "everything changed." 

 Grown-ish (2018-24), the sequel to Black-ish, sends Zoey Johnson, the teenage daughter of the family, to college.  Like A Different World, but with more angst. 

Bad news: Vivek (Jordan) and Doug (Diggy Simmons, right) are not a gay couple.  During the first three seasons, Vivek Shaw is an engineering major who deals drugs to finance his extravagant fashion tastes.  He pursues a lot of girls, but fails to seal the deal.  This leads his friends to conclude that he is gay, and deliberately trying to avoid bedroom activity.  So he tries a three-way with a dude.  Nope, he is only into girls. Eventually he gets two girlfriends.

According to the fan wiki, there are two bisexual girls, but no lesbians or gay men on campus.

Although Vivek is usually the "har har, he can't get laid" comic relief, he has some angst plotlines.  He is beat up when a drug deal goes wrong, and ends up in the hospital; he is kicked out of his residence hall, and has to couch-surf; he is arrested for drug possession, expelled from the college, and disowned by his father, who dies of  a heart attack before they can reconcile. 

Jordan has six other acting credits during or after Grown-ish:

Margaux (2022): Six college friends, three girls and three boys (Jordan, Jedidiah Goodacre, Lochlun Munro) rent a house for a weekend of partying, only to find that they are being stalked by a murderous AI.  Jordan is handcuffed to a bed during a bondage session with his girlfriend, when the AI makes the ceiling collapse, killling him.

The three most recent of twenty Aurora Teagarden Mysteries (2023 and 2024)  flashback to the small-town librarian/sleuth's grad student years.  She solves murders and falls in love with Chef Daniel (Jordan). 

Prom Dates (2024): Two girls have been planning the perfect prom since they were 13.  But just before the big night, Jess catches her boyfriend (Jordan) cheating, and dumps him, and Hannah decides that this would be the perfect time to come out as a lesbian, and dumps her boyfriend, too.  Now they have 24 hours to meet and win the Boy and Girl of Their Dreams.  But all of the good prospects are already taken...

More after the break

Olly Rhodes: Two soap opera murderers, one with a bare bum, two gay teens, one just coming out, and two cocks.

 

I decided to profile Olly Rhodes (no relation to Robert Rhodes) based on this photo on the teen idol site: black and white, grinning shyly at his boyfriend.  Olly is either gay in real life or is playing a gay character.

Olly grew up in Scarborough, a seaside town in Yorkshire, and graduated from the Pendleton School of Theater (like a secondary school in the U.S.),  in 2021.  

He moved directly into the role of Joseph Holmes on the soap Hollyoakes (2021-22).  His parents discover that he is having a secret romance with his foster sister, Vicky, so they send her away -- to Hollyoakes.  Joseph follows, to continue abusing Vicky and terrorize her good buddy, DeMarcus, presuming that they are secetly dating.

He shows his bare bum in his first on-screen role.

Later he murders police officer Saul Reeves (Chris Charles, left), and frames DeMarcus to get him out of the way.  But he kept Saul's ring, which leads to his arrest and confession.  He leaves the series crying in his jail cell.

After guest spots in The Last Kingdom and All Creatures Great and Small, Olly was cast in a recurring role on Waterloo Road (2024-25).  He plays headmaster's son Billy Savage, who is bedeviled by the bully and child abuse survivor Schuey  (Zak Sutcliffe, right).  Don't worry, Olly states that they became good friends off-camera.

After numerous incidents, Billy sets a wire trap across a road, so Schuey will be thrown off his bike and humiliated.  But he accidentally catches -- and kills -- Schuey's non-bullying sidekick Boz.  

Dad plants evidence in Schuey's locker so he'll be blamed for the murder, but eventually he and Billy are both arrested, and leave the series. 

Departures (2025) sounds like one of those "dying of AIDS" tearjerkers from the 1980s, but the title refers to the departures gate at Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam, where Benji and Jake (Lloyd Eyre-Morgan, David Tag) meet and fall in love.  

Olly plays the teenage Benji.  The trailer shows him kissing his boyfriend, but it goes by too fast to get a screenshot.

More after the break

"Men": Naked men and paranormal peril in a quaint English village. What could go wrong? You'd be surprised.

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"The Seven Dials Mystery": Murder on an English country estate in 1925, with a gay couple, a gay bar, Bluemel's butt, and Bilbo's dick

 

Note: I revised this review based on Episodes 2 and 3.

I've been trying to get into reading mysteries lately, including classic Agatha Christie: Murder on the Orient Express, Death on the Nile, and The Seven Dials Mystery (1929): one of her earlier works, while she's still fumbling around to create an ongoing amateur sleuth.  A tv adaption has dropped on Netflix, starring Corey Mylchreest, who is straight but likes to pretend to be gay.  So maybe he'll be pretending here, too.

Prologue: An elderly man walks through Ronda, an Andalusian village about an hour from Malaga., with beautiful establishing shots.  He enters the empty Plaza de Toros and checks his watch, and finds a note (a picture of a clock).  Suddenly a bull rushes out and gores him to death!

Scene 1: Chimneys, a stately country house in Gloucester, 1925.  A party, with everyone wearing masks and being decadent.  Lady Caterham (Helena Bonham Carter) and her daughter Bundle hate the ghastly masks, but they had no choice; it was the idea of Lord and Lady Coote, to whom they are indebted.  Lord Coote wants to meet George Lomax, so they can form a relationship: "His Foreign Office, my steel factories." 

Lol, I can't hear the name Coote without thinking of Cornelius Coot, who founded the city of Duckburg in Disney comics.

Bundle, apparently the focus character, continues to mingle.  She approaches Ronny (gay actor Nabhaan Rizwan, right) and his Boyfriend (Hughie O'Donnell), who explain that their mate Gerry hasn't gotten up before noon all week, so they're going to prank him with seven alarm clocks hidden in various places in his room.

Next, she talks to Gerry (Corey Mylchreest, top photo, butt left).  He gawks with Girl of My Dreams hetero-horniness, and tells Bundle how incredibly gorgeous she is.  Ok, so he won't be pretending to be gay in this one.  She counters that he is incredibly gorgeous as well.  They gaze at each other for about five minutes, then he asks her to dinner, and implies that he's going to propose.  The gazing continues.  I'm fast-forwarding past it.

Scene 2: Cut to the boyfriends giggling as they hide alarm clocks in various places in Gerry's room.  Then to a card game, with Bundle and Boy of Her Dreams Gerry continuing to gaze at each other while the others chitchat. Jimmy (Edward Bluemel, butt left) joins them.

 Then raucous Jazz Age dancing and more gazing.  

The boyfriends are not dancing.  They are engrossed with each other.  I think they're a canonical couple.

Bundle drops Gerry to mingle, then goes out into the garden. 

Scene 3: Morning.  Establishing shot of the country house surrounded by marshland.  Ronny and his Boyfriend complain of being hungover, and fill their plates.  The others arrive, equally hungover.

At 11:15, the alarm clocks go off in Gerry's room.  He's not turning them off, so they send the Butler to wake him.  Then Bundle goes.  She finds that Gerry is...dead!

Cut to the doctor (Tristan Gemmill, left), who finds a sleeping draft next to the bed.  Gerry must have taken a draft to help him sleep, and since he was drunk, the combination was lethal.  

"Impossible!" Bundle exclaims.  "He never used sleeping drafts!"  And she knows what he did before bed because....

"Then maybe it was deliberate?" the doctor suggests.

The Boyfriend: "Well, he was stressed at work.  His boss, George Lomax, was always riding him."

"No way!  Impossible!  He was planning to propose to me."

Next up: a bumbling detective, on his first case, ineptly examines the crime scene while making jokes.  Bundle thinks that it was a murder.  Otherwise be lousy story.

"Wait -- there are seven clocks on the mantle.  I thought you guys hid them?"  The Boyfriends glance at each other in shock.

More after the break

Wake Up Dead Man: Daniel Craig's gay detective solves a locked-room murder, with a hot priest, some MAGA suspects, and a lot of Catholic cocks

 

For movie night this week, we saw Wake Up Dead Man (2025), the third of the Knives Out mysteries starring Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig, left), a posh Southern-accented detective who draws inspiration from classic murder writers like Agatha Christie, Dorothy Sayers, and Ngaio Marsh.  

This one involves Father Jed (Josh O'Connor), a boxer who accidentally killed his opponent in the ring, and became a priest to expiate his guilt.  When he loses control and punches an a*hole deacon, he is assigned to a struggling parish in upstate New York. 

Left: Exteriors were filmed at the Anglican Church of the Holy Innocents, in Epping Forest, near London, built in 1873, praised as a masterpiece of Gothic Revival architecture.

It is struggling because of Monseigneur Wicks (Josh Brolin).  Monseigneur is an honorary title bestowed by the Pope, but this Monseigneur has bestowed it upon himself.  He has turned the congregation into an evangelical cult, preaching about the End Times and the War against Christianity, promising eternal damnation to anyone who challenges his authority, and screaming at visitors who he thinks are disobeying God's law: first a single mother, and then a gay couple.

The gay couple is played by HIV activist Hugh Wyld and Matthew Jacobs-Morgan, who runs Coven, a queer bar and art venue in Hackney.  

Father Jed thinks that the Church should be about love and forgiveness, a place where "everyone is welcome," but the Monseigneur sneers that he is ridiculously naive: why would you open the Church to the enemies of God? This is War!

In fact, the Monseigneur has only seven True Believers left:

1. Lee Ross (gay actor Andrew Scott), a formerly best-selling author who has retreated into conspiracy theories, and is currently writing a 6,000 page biography of Monseigneur Wick.

2. Vera Draven, a lawyer who was suddenly told "you're going to raise this boy," with no further explanation. 

3. The boy, now grown up, Cy Draven (Daryl McCormack).  He tried to jump start a career in politics by blogging against everything the Orange Goblin hates from trans people to Portland, but he couldn't get any doors open.  Being black won't help you win over MAGA, buddy.

4. Simone Vivane, a concert cellist who had to give up music due to chronic pain, and is handing over thousands of dollars in the hope that Wick will cure her. Faith healing is evangelical thing, not really Catholic.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 2.2 Kelvin clenches, Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. With proof that everything is bigger in Texas.

Previous:  Episode 2.1, Continued: Keefe's kiss, Kelvin's boner, and a thug with broken thumbs. With Jonah Hauer-King and a proper erection bonus

In Episode 2.1, while we establish the Kelvin/Keefe, Judy/BJ, and Jesse/Amber conflicts of the season, Eli's old friend Junior stops by, and acts very much like an ex-lover.  They go out to dinner and beat up a tough.  Now we see the aftermath.

Title: "After I Leave, Savage Wolves will Come."  In Acts 20.29. Paul tells the Ephesians that after he leaves, savage wolves or false teachers will tear the flock apart. So, who is the wolf invading the Gemstones' lives?

Eli Gemstone indicted! Thaniel Block sits on the porch of his rental house in the South Carolina woods, reading some news stories from 1993: Gemstone Family Studios to close due to "a financial and rumors of  sexual scandals," with $4 million missing.  Another article: "Eli Gemstone indicted on charges of fraud and conspiracy." But Episode 2.5 takes place at Christmas 1993.  When did all this happen? Geezer Tim drops by to criticize him for living in New York and having a "nasty attitude." 

A Hot Piece of Tail: Judy and BJ visit Eli to ask him to officiate in BJ's baptism.  They find him asleep on the couch in the parlor. Junior enters and asks "Who's this hot piece of tail?"  He's actually looking at BJ, but Eli assumes that he means Judy and says that she is his daughter.  He apologizes and asks if BJ is her lesbian partner. BJ starts to answer, but Judy cuts him off: "He's big-dicking you."

There are several takeaways here.  First, Eli and Junior did not sleep together; Eli fell asleep on the couch. Weren't there any guest rooms in his mansion? 

Second, check out Junior's magenta bathrobe, jaunty hand on him, and pinky ring: he is deliberately presenting as queer.   

Third, Eli may have mentioned that one of his children is gay, and Junior forgot which.

Execretions and Hep C Loads:  After Junior heads to the kitchen to make coffee, Judy wants to know what's going on.  Eli tells her that "things got a little carried away last night," which she interprets to mean that they are having rough sex.  He grimaces in disgust, but plays along to mess with her.  

Her main criticism is that Junior is unattractive: "I always hoped that if you were gonna yank a pole, it would be someone hot."  So Judy has considered the possibility that Eli is bisexual for a long time. 

She states that the "hookup" signifies that Eli doesn't care about his family.  Remember that Jesse likewise complains that Kelvin "popping boners" with the muscle men is "selfish, not helping the family."  But it's not just gay sex; on this show, having a partner of any sort is framed as a betrayal.  The family is aghast when Judy wants to move off the Compound with BJ; Baby Billy is still hurt over his sister Aimee-Leigh "leaving him" to marry Eli.  

As they storm out, Judy cautions BJ to not touch anything, as there are probably execretions and Hep C loads everywhere.  This is a call back to Abraham leaving his semen everywhere in Jesse's house, plus an awareness that Hepatitus C can easily spread through anal sex, so it is particularly common in gay communities.

Good Sniffer Seats: After they leave, Eli joins Junior on the back patio, overlooking the reflecting pool that leads to Aimee-Leigh's shrine.  Eli invites him to church, but he worries about the cost.  Junior avers that he's been to enough strip joints to know that you have to pay for the "good sniffer seats."  I can't find the term "sniffer seat" defined anywhere, but I guess that it's a seat close enough to the stage to smell the performers.  There are male strip clubs, but he's probably referencing a lady's club, being a hetero horn dog, backing off from the implication of same-sex activity. 

But not entirely: Eli offers to reserve a good seat for him, and the guys hold hands!

On closer examination, it turns out to be a man and a woman holding hands. We have cut to a scene involving Jesse and Amber's marital advice group. But it is so abrupt that the misdirection must be intentional.  The man is even wearing a shirt the same color as Junior's robe.

After the group meeting, Matthew and Chad ask why Jesse's old crew isn't hanging out together anymore.  This is all marital stuff, heterosexual nuclear family stuff; what happened to the band of brothers, savage and free?  Gregory explains; "I love you guys, but happy wife, happy life." You must abandon same-sex loves for heterosexual destiny.

You Got a Hound Dog Here: Cut to Thaniel visiting the Salvation Center, where he admits that he has sexual-scandal dirt on Aimee-Leigh, gathered from household staff.  Well, at least Kelvin is off the hook.

The World's Most Famous Christian: Next, Jesse and Amber visit the Lissons in Texas for a party to celebrate the proposed Zion's Landing resort. Joe Jonas, the World's Most Famous Christian, leads everyone in a line dance.  He proclaims his heterosexuality, singing about the "beautiful girls" he's been with while wearing a formless leopard robe and pink bandana, the antithesis of Kelvin's tiger jacket and porn-star-bulging jeans. Desire for women un-mans a man, renderng him soft and sickly; only in the manly love of comrads can a man be strong and free.

Keefe dances: At church, they welcome those who have found God in the past month, including BJ. He has always been a non-believer before; it is unclear whether he has actually had a "born again" experience, or is just pretending to be accepted by the family.  

The welcome is framed as a heterosexual union, with Judy hugging BJ and Kelvin grudgingly hugging a female convert. He's disgusted by touching "females," even as part of his job.  Meanwhile, on a balcony far removed from the stage, Keefe leads the God Squad in a dance, invisible, ignored, forever cut off from heterosexual practice, forever cut off from the family.  

Nude Texas dudes after the break

Matlock 2024: Kathy Bates barges in like Columbo...I mean Andy Griffith. With Tony Danza, some Greek dicks, and a Cheers reference

  

Matlock (1986-1995) starred Andy Griffith as an elderly attorney who represents clients charged with murder (all innocent, of course). I didn't watch: it aired opposite Who's the Boss (Tony Danza, sigh), and besides, who wanted to watch a oldster attorney clunking around? 

I did see part of one episode, because it promised LGBT representation: Matlock goes into a gay bar for some reason, and a young guy instantly pops up and asks him to dance.  An old guy in a gay bar is hit on?  Is this science fiction?

"Me, dance with you?" Matlock repeats, horrified.  Then "No-ooooo-oooo!!!!", shaking his head so vigorously that I'm surprised it didn't fall off.  Geez, it wouldn't hurt you to be a little gracious, homophobe!  How about "No, thanks, I'm working."

There was also an episode with a murderous drag queen, rather old fashioned in the 1990s.  

30 years later, Matlock has been revived in the form of a retired lawyer (Kathy Bates) with the nickname Matlock or Mattie, because the show was big when she was first starting out. I'm not particularly interested -- again, who wants to watch an oldster attorney clunking around -- but I understand that this version has a bona fide gay character, so I'll take a look.

Episode 1: In a coffee shop, a cute but jerky businessman (Marcus Rosner, right) talks about closing on his phone.  He overhears Mattie struggling with using the tap function, and hands the barista a $20 bill to pay, and keep the change.  Mattie is pleased; "Isn't this a nice way to start the day."   But I'm not pleased; I figured this guy would be a main character. 

She enters the building at 450 5th Avenue in New York, in Midtown, about five blocks from the Empire State Building, and talks to the lady on the elevator about hard candy: she resisted, but when she turned 65, she had no choice but to buy some.  "We become exactly what people expect us to be."

Into the office on the 21st floor, where she suspiciously looks at a floor plan and enters a conference room full of suit men talking about the Mets.  Boss Elijah (Eme Ikwuakor, top photo) asks Olympia about the police corruption case; she needs more resources to get it done, but he tells her to close it now.

Next Julian (Jason Ritter) brags that they can get his case up to $19 million.  Mattie interrupts that he can get a lot more.

"Who are you?"

Matlock. She's come to apply for an associates job, but she can't get an interview due to her age, so she barged into the meeting. 

"How do you know how much he is willing to pay?"

She's been tailing his attorney, and "accidentally" overheard their phone conversation in the coffee shop earlier.  Old people are invisible, and can get away with a lot of spying.

"Fine, you're hired.  You can assist Olympia on the case she's been working on for six months."

Left: Jason Ritter's butt

Scene 2: Olympia is upset, but she has no choice.  She introduces her other assistants.  The woman complains that they should be working with senior associates, not senior citizens, but Billy  (David Del Rio) befriends Mattie and gives her a tour of the snack station and back patio for crying (I've had jobs like that).  

Left: David Del Rio is sort of swishy, and he pretends to be gay in several of his Instagram posts, but he announces right off that he's just joking: he's actually married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and they have two beautiful daughters.  I hate it when straight guys jerk us around like that.

The case: Raymond Harris spent 26 years in prison for multiple rapes and a murder.  He's been exonerated by DNA tests, thinks that the police suppressed evidence, and wants the State of New York to pay damages.  Olympia has a tip: while Raymond was in custody, a prostitute escaped from the real killer, but the police report proving his innocence vanished.  They have to track her down, but they have no name or description, and it was 26 years ago.   

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Billy Howle: A serious actor, crazy cute, with frequent nude scenes. Do you need anything else? With bonus Tommy Knight d*ck

I've reviewed two tv series starring British actor Billy Howle (not Howlie), and two things about him stand out:

1. He is crazy cute.  What we used to call dreamy, the sort of guy who elicits fantasies of holding hands in the moonlight rather than going downtown.

 

2. Speaking of going downtown, he is not shy about displaying his rather impressive penis on screen.

I always ask two questions in these profiles.

1. Is he gay in real life?

Billy has no social media presence, but various interviews note that he is in a long-term relationship with a lady.  He could be bisexual or gay-and-closeted, but for now we'll call him straight. 

2. Has he played any gay characters?

This one will take some research.  We'll start with his bio.  

Billy was born in Stoke-on-Trent in the Midlands, about an hour from Birmingham, son of a college professor and a "schoolteacher."  He graduated from the Bristol Old Vic Theater School in 2013.  His theatrical credits include:

The Ibsen play Ghosts (2015), which is about religion, free love, and incest, not about ghosts.  We had to read Ibsen in college.  Ugh.

Eugene O'Neill's A Long Day's Journey into Night (2016).  We had to read O'Neill, too.  Double ugh.

Hamlet (2022).  Maybe a gay subtext between the Prince and Mercutio.

Dear Octopus (2024), which is about a large, suffocating family, not an octopus.  At least it's not Ionesco.

John Osborne's Look Back in Anger (2024) about marital problems.

No significant gay content, I'm afraid, and pretentiousness as the summum bonum.  

Next, Billy's on-screen roles.  He has 21 acting credits on the IMDB.  A  mostly pretentious lot, with only one science fiction movie and not a whiff of comedy.  I'll check the projects that I've reviewed already, those listed as "known for," and those with nudity.

Already Reviewed:

The Perfect Couple (2024).  When the Maid of Honor is murdered on the night before the wedding, everyone is a suspect, including the Bride and Groom.  Billy plays the Groom's brother, who has a girlfriend. 

Under the Banner of Heaven (2022). Lapsed Mormon Allen (Billy) is accused of murdering his wife and baby, but he says that his fundamentalist family did it to punish her for wanting a career and being uppity. 

More after the break

"The Residence": Murder at the White House, with a gay President, suit guy dicks, and Randall Park's butt

 

I wanted to see The Residence, a new Netflix comedy about a murder at the White House, because it has a gay character: the President. The Observer review specifies: "it's rarely discussed and simply accepted as part of the narrative landscape."  Buttigieg in 2028!  

Besides, I love a guy in a suit, and the White House will be full of them.

Episode 1 is "The Fall of the House of Usher," a reference to the Poe story.  

Scene 1: Thunder rumbles.  We pass the busts and portraits of former presidents.  An older man in a tuxedo (Giancarlo Esposito) walks down a busy hall, being greeted by passersby.  He peers down at a reception, and then a formal dinner with hundreds of people attending, including the Prime Minister of Australia.  There's a knock on the door, a woman screams, and we cut to the evening's entertainment, Kylie Minogue. The camera zooming through the hallways is making me dizzy.  Back to the screaming woman, who looks like Jane Curtin.  The older man is dead!

Left: this is supposed to be Giancarlo's penis, but all I see is a suitcase with a foot on it. 

Scene 2: The Capitol, a few months later.  A Congressional Hearing about the murder and the investigation that followed.  First to witness: Jasmine, the Chief Usher, in charge of overseeing the Executive Residence (the 3rd floor residence of the President and his family). 

Flashback to Jasmine sitting in the very authentic-looking Blue Room, drinking while she's supposed to be working. A waiter asked if she talked to him, and advises that she not do something she'll regret. Like murder?  "Too late, I already did."  

Suddenly Agent Rausch (a woman) appears, and brings her upstairs, where the President's best friend Harry Hollinger (Ken Marino, left) says that there's been an incident, and she has to keep everyone away from the second and third floors.  

Jasmine refuses to do it because she's only the assistant usher.  She thought she was going to be the chief usher, but it was made very clear that she wouldn't, so ask the actual Chief Usher, A. B. 

Ulp -- A.B. is the murder victim!

Scene 3: Jasmine takes the elevator down, and flashes back to meeting A.B. on the same elevator earlier that evening. She congratulates him on his upcoming retirement, but he announces that he's not retiring after all, so no Chief Usher job for her.  She bangs the doors and screams.  

Later Jasmine returns to a roomful of people, including the President's friend Hollinger, Secret Service Agent Trask, the FBI director, the head of the National Park Police, and Lawrence Dokes, chief of the Washington, DC metropolitan police. 

Scene 4: Testimony switches to Chief Dokes (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.).  He explains that the White House is his jurisdiction.  No, it's not.    

Back at the crime scene, he brings in Cordelia Cupp, the greatest detective in the world, to help out.  She's on the South Lawn, bird watching. Best Friend Hollinger insists that it was a suicide, so they don't need an investigation.

Cordelia enters, discussing Teddy Roosevelt's list of birds (a real thing), and examines the body and the room -- it was locked from the inside -- a locked room mystery!   

Next she interviews the person who found the body: the President's mother-in-law, Jane Curtin in a bathrobe, who was watching a movie on tv.  She didn't go to the dinner because she doesn't like talking to people, especially her son's husband, the President.  First indication that the President is gay at Minute 14.  She heard a thump and a door close, and investigated to find the body in the Game Room.  

Cordelia gets a tour of the various other bedrooms, gym, music room, and solarium.  The President's brother Tripp was asleep, heard the scream, and went back to bed.  Best Friend Hollinger has a room there, too, which makes Cordelia suspicious.

Hollinger explains the severity of the situation: the last administration pissed off the Australians (and the Canadians, and the Danes, and...well, everybody), and this is a state dinner designed to smooth over relations.  They need to figure out what happened and put the least disastrous spin on it in 45 minutes.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit