Under the Banner of Heaven: Murder and crisis of faith in a fundamentalist Mormon familiy with five brothers (and five dicks)

 Under the Banner of Heaven, a Hulu series about corruption in the LDS Church, was written and produced by Dustin Lance Black, who is gay, so there's bound to be some gay characters or subtexts.  Besides, who isn't interested in cute Mormon missionaries?  

Scene 1: Establishing shot of Salt Lake City.  Jeb (Andrew Garfield), a super clean-cut nuclear family Dad, is listening to "Let's Hear it for the Boy."  A gay anthem!  So the protagonist is gay?   His preteen daughters, who wear long pioneer dresses, ask him to do loving-father activities, like lasso them.  Wife, who wears a modern t-shirt and cut-off jeans, calls him to the phone.  He has to go to work, so everyone has to do the evening prayers early.

We hear all the prayers: for the Mormon missionaries (how about a visual?), for Church President Kimball, for Grandpa in heaven, and for an Easy-Bake Oven.  "Let's Hear it for the Boy" came out in 1982, and Spencer Kimball died in 1985, 

Scene 2: Continuing to pray, Jeb the Cop puts the siren on his car and heads to a house surrounded by yellow tape and police cars.  Inside: the tv on, bloody footprints, scattered toys, a dead lady, and something in a basinet that makes him say "Evil."  The dead lady's murder was not evil?    He goes out to the yard and arrests the bloody young man who happens to be walking around.

Scene 3:  At the police station, Jeb the Cop and his Gentile (Non-Mormon) Partner do the good cop-bad cop routine on the blood-splattered suspect, Allen Lafferty (Billy Howle), who happens to belong to one of the most important familiies of the Church.  He claims that for the last year, "peculiar men" dressed like Mormon prophets have been stalking his family, so no doubt they did it.  They are probably after his brothers and their wives and kids, too.

Left: Billie Howle, Dick #1

Scene 4: While they book and strip Allen, Jeb watches, flashing back to someone he saw at church (was this a flash of same-sex attraction?).  They send a squad car out to check on the only brother whose address Allen knows: the others all moved to hide from the humiliation of having a brother who left the Church.

Scene 5: Jeb is too disgusted to continue the interrogation, so his Gentile Partner continues alone.  Stunt casting: he's played by Gil Birmingham, a bodybuilder who appeared in Diana Ross's music video "Muscles" in 1982.

Allen: if you want to know who did, check out the Mormon saints.  

Flashback to his future wife Brenda winning runner-up in the Miss Twin Falls, Idaho contest in 1980, then going to Brigham Young University, to stay away from the "Democrats and crazies," and studying broadcast journalism.  She meets Allen at church.  

Back at the interrogation, Allen blames the Church on his wife's death: "My only regret is that I didn't drive her out of Zion (Salt Lake City) to protect her from our people."  

Scene 6:  Jeb the Cop continues to ruminate about how evil Allen is, to do that to a baby (and an adult?).  They're still having trouble tracking down the addresses of his brothers and their wives/kids, so Jeb calls his wife -- they went to church with the Lafferty family, so maybe she has some of the brothers' addresses.  

He returns to the interrogation: Jeb: "So, you despicable monster, was there anyone besides you who hated Brenda enough to do it?"  Allen:  Everyone hated her because she was so perfect."  Yeah, I heard that a lot in high school.

Scene 7: Flashback to Allen introducing Brenda to the family at a picnic. "Just don't say much," he warns. Patriarch Ammon (Christopher Heyerdahl, Dick #2) wants to know why she abandoned Twin Falls, Idaho for the evil Big City (Provo, Utah?).  There are an endless number of boisterous brothers, Stepford wives, and staring kids to meet. 

More Lafferty boys after the break

"The Sister": Probably-gay guy marries the sister of the girl he helped vanish. With his ex-buddy, ghostly voices, and Tovey bulges and backsides

 

This morning I was checking my streaming services for new tv shows with gay content, and found The Sister on Hulu: "Almost a decade into married life, Nathan is rocked to the core when Bob, an unwelcome face from the past, turns up on his doorstep."  Sounds like Bob is an old boyfriend.  I'll give it a try.

Scene 1: New Year's Eve.  In his terrible apartment, a guy is watching the news, and planning to off himself with pills and booze.  Watching the news often has that effect on people.  There's a story about a girl named Elise, who vanished three years ago.  A heartfelt plea from her family for anyone who knows anything to contact them.  This shocks the guy, and he gives up the plan.  He must know where Elise is.  

Scene 2: Seven years later.  The guy -- he must be Nathan -- has settled down to an extremely wealthy lifestyle, when there's a knock on the door: the leering, stringly-haired, sopping-wet Bob (Bertie Carvel, according to Mr. Man). 

 "No, you can't be here! We agreed!"  But Bob has news: they're digging up the woods for a new housing development.

He looks much older than Nathan, but the actors are only four years apart.

At that moment, Nathan's wife comes home.  He tells her that Bob is an old mate who dropped by because he was distraught over girl problems, and was just leaving.  Then he goes into the bathroom and hyperventilates and throws up.  There's a flashback of Nathan running through the woods.

Scene 3: In the morning, the wife thinks he's sick, and offers to pop by the chemist, but Nathan says he's fine, he just needs to stay home and rest.  When she leaves, he researches the new housiing development: Newbeck Green, controversial because it will destroy some virgin woods.  He calls Ex Buddy Bob, who tells him that they have to move fast, and asks if "it" has come yet."  Nathan doesn't know what he means.  

Bulge close-up!  Even in a heteronormative project, you can always find something to look at.

He goes down to check the mail, and there it is: a CD-ROM that says "destroy after playing."

Turns out that Nathan is played by Russell Tovey (butt left), who is gay in real life and has played gay characters about 100 times.  I wonder if Nathan is gay, too, in a lavender marriage.  That's why he and his wife haven't kissed.  Or else Russell's contract states that he won't have to kiss any icky girls.  I'd insist on it.

Scene 4:  That night Nathan drives out to the woods, and flashes back to hanging out with the missing girl there.  

Then he plays the CD-Rom; It's an indistinct voice, something like a woman saying "Nathan, I'm not dead."  This must be one of those EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) recordings you can make of ghosts in haunted houses.  My favorites are "You don't belong here" and "It's just me."

Scene 5: Flashback to seven years ago. Nathan waits in his car outside Charles Collier Sales & Letting (rentals), watching Holly, who will be his wife.  

Then he goes to his office and looks at her photo on his computer and a post-it with her work number on it.  He calls, hangs up, calls back, and asks for her.

Left: The gaydar-tinging Sam Henderson plays the receptionist.  I tried looking for nude photos, but no matter how many key words of "men only," 'no ladies," "absolutely no women," Google always gave me ladies.

 When Holly answers, Nathan claims that he is interested in renting a house, but he can't tell her the basics, like the location and number of bedrooms.  What's with the deception? Did you see her someplace and decide to stalk her instead of starting a conversation?  She invites him to come in for a consultation tomorrow.

Back in the present: Holly wakes Nathan up: he fell asleep in front of the tv (watching the news, of course).  They discuss whether he is feeling better, and then her job, which now apparently involves building houses, not just renting them.  Nathan tries to get some intel about the new housing development "near your mum's house."  Wait -- is Holly the sister of the missing girl?  Did Nathan see her on the newscast seven years ago, figure that she was the Girl of His Dreams, and start stalking?  Or does he feel guilty for vanishing her sister?

He has a date with Bob, sick or not, so he leaves.

More after the break

"What You Wish For": Nick Stahl plays a chef who discovers what's on the menu. With two n*de Ecuadorian dudes

  

What You Wish For (2023) just dropped on Hulu.  It stars Nick Stahl, who played a lot of conflicted queer teenagers back in the day, so I'm in.

Scene 1: A very craggy Nick Stahl arrives in an unspecified South American country (very near the equator, so maybe Ecuador).  He tries to get a cab, but he doesn't speak Spanish, and the taxi drivers don't speak English...then he sees that his host sent a driver!

Through the jungle to a beautiful ultra-modern house.  The host left a note: he won't be back until late, but make yourself at home.  So Nick cooks himself an omelette.

Uh-oh, a text from Rabbit: he wants the $50,000 right away.  Leaving the country won't help: "I'll track you down."  Gambling debts?

Scene 2: Jack (Brian Groh) arrives.  Back story: they were roommates in culinary school 12 years ago, and haven't seen each other since. So, whose idea was this reunion?   Nick is a failure, reduced to cooking in a hotel kitchen ("a lot of roast chicken"), while Jack travels to exotic locations all over the world: he spends a week in the ritzy house, vetting ingredients, prepping, and cooking a meal for rich people.  He's paid extraordinarily well for this.  "But it's not as exciting as it sounds.  My bosses are assholes, and...well..."

Scene 3: They drive into town.  Jack complains about cooking for the super-rich among the most impoverished people you've ever met.  When they stop for lunch, Jack asks "So, do you have a wife or girlfriend back home?"  No.  You forgot to ask about a boyfriend or husband, buddy.

Not to worry, a tourist named Alice, having a "spontaneous adventure," joins them, and asks if they're together.  "No, we haven't seen each other in twelve years."  That doesn't tell her if you are gay.

They invite her back to the house to see which is the best chef (she prefers Nick's risotto).  Then they go swimming, and Alice and Jack head off to bed. Hetero identity established at Minute 15. Interesting that there's no question about who Alice will hook up with. Is Nick not into ladies?

Scene 4: In the morning, Jack drives Alice back to her hotel, and returns to hang out with Nick again.  

"Why do you need a whole week to source the ingredients for just one meal?"

"It's complicated.  My bosses are...well, people are just the worst, selfish a-holes.  And they're destroying the planet.  We'll all be dead in ten years, so what's the point."

Scene 5: The next morning, Nick wakes up to discover that Jack has hanged himself!  This came as a shock.

He doesn't grieve much, because he didn't really know the guy.  Suddenly Rabbit texts: "I need that $50,000 or your mum gets it!"  

Nick gets the bright idea of stealing Jack's identity, raiding his bank account to pay his gambling debts, and taking his place in the cushy chef job.  He talks his way into changing the password on Jack's bank account, then rushes out and buys a fake id.

Later that day, director Imogine and her assistant Maurice (Juan Carlos Messier) arrive, and are horrified that he's been there for a week,b ut hasn't vetted out the meat yet.  "No problem: it's just one meal.  I'll buy it tomorrow." 

"Buy it?  Are you daft?"  Uh-oh.

Director Imogene rushes him to a convenience store in town; maybe someone there is healthy.  Nope, they'll have to try again tomorrow.   Healthy?  Finally Nick realizes that he's supposed to cook people! 

Scene 6: Nick tries to leave during the night and change back to his Nick identity, but they are both up.  They sense that he's trying to leave, and explain: they serve 50 meals a year, but often choose two people, in case one is "rotten."  That's about 75 deaths per year, far fewer than workers in the oil industry, or cab drivers. Plus they channel 10% off their profits back into the community they harvest from, so it's a win-win.

But they're counting on Nick.  If he refuses to cook, or prepares a bad meal, he's dead.

Scene 7: In the morning, Maurice takes him into the village, where Sunday Mass is just letting out.  They set their sights on a teenage girl, but she's with an old lady, who would be no good.  An  auto mechanic named Jose (Felipe Solano) looks ok.  Maurice flirts with him, finds out about his interest in sports and healthy eating habits, and shoots him. 

Uh-oh, the two ladies have contacted the police, who interrogate Maurice.  He claims that they're scoping out sites for a possible hotel.  Nick is the architect.

Scene 8: Back at the house, Nick has the job of prepping the body.

Left: Jose, N*de Dude #1

Want to see his frontside?

Afterwards Nick tries to run away again, but accidentally hits a member of the grounds crew (and crashes the car).  

Maurice tells him that only one chef has ever been allowed to quit: she cooked so well that the Agency was impressed, but instead of payment she asked to be released, and they agreed.  So maybe Nick could cook an exceptional meal, and get ou that way?

Scene 9: He announces four courses: Carpaccio with pozole soup; turnip spaghetti carbonara with sage beurre noisette; thigh Bourdelaise and beets;  and tongue sashimi for dessert (requested by one of the guests).  You don't generally think of beets and turnips as South American, but they grow specialized tropical varieties in Ecuador.

More after the break.  

Olly Rhodes: Two soap opera murderers, one with a bare bum, two gay teens, one just coming out, and two cocks.

 

I decided to profile Olly Rhodes (no relation to Robert Rhodes) based on this photo on the teen idol site: black and white, grinning shyly at his boyfriend.  Olly is either gay in real life or is playing a gay character.

Olly grew up in Scarborough, a seaside town in Yorkshire, and graduated from the Pendleton School of Theater (like a secondary school in the U.S.),  in 2021.  

He moved directly into the role of Joseph Holmes on the soap Hollyoakes (2021-22).  His parents discover that he is having a secret romance with his foster sister, Vicky, so they send her away -- to Hollyoakes.  Joseph follows, to continue abusing Vicky and terrorize her good buddy, DeMarcus, presuming that they are secetly dating.

He shows his bare bum in his first on-screen role.

Later he murders police officer Saul Reeves (Chris Charles, left), and frames DeMarcus to get him out of the way.  But he kept Saul's ring, which leads to his arrest and confession.  He leaves the series crying in his jail cell.

After guest spots in The Last Kingdom and All Creatures Great and Small, Olly was cast in a recurring role on Waterloo Road (2024-25).  He plays headmaster's son Billy Savage, who is bedeviled by the bully and child abuse survivor Schuey  (Zak Sutcliffe, right).  Don't worry, Olly states that they became good friends off-camera.

After numerous incidents, Billy sets a wire trap across a road, so Schuey will be thrown off his bike and humiliated.  But he accidentally catches -- and kills -- Schuey's non-bullying sidekick Boz.  

Dad plants evidence in Schuey's locker so he'll be blamed for the murder, but eventually he and Billy are both arrested, and leave the series. 

Departures (2025) sounds like one of those "dying of AIDS" tearjerkers from the 1980s, but the title refers to the departures gate at Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam, where Benji and Jake (Lloyd Eyre-Morgan, David Tag) meet and fall in love.  

Olly plays the teenage Benji.  The trailer shows him kissing his boyfriend, but it goes by too fast to get a screenshot.

More after the break

"Men": Naked men and paranormal peril in a quaint English village. What could go wrong? You'd be surprised.

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"The Seven Dials Mystery": Murder on an English country estate in 1925, with a gay couple, a gay bar, Bluemel's butt, and Bilbo's dick

 

Note: I revised this review based on Episodes 2 and 3.

I've been trying to get into reading mysteries lately, including classic Agatha Christie: Murder on the Orient Express, Death on the Nile, and The Seven Dials Mystery (1929): one of her earlier works, while she's still fumbling around to create an ongoing amateur sleuth.  A tv adaption has dropped on Netflix, starring Corey Mylchreest, who is straight but likes to pretend to be gay.  So maybe he'll be pretending here, too.

Prologue: An elderly man walks through Ronda, an Andalusian village about an hour from Malaga., with beautiful establishing shots.  He enters the empty Plaza de Toros and checks his watch, and finds a note (a picture of a clock).  Suddenly a bull rushes out and gores him to death!

Scene 1: Chimneys, a stately country house in Gloucester, 1925.  A party, with everyone wearing masks and being decadent.  Lady Caterham (Helena Bonham Carter) and her daughter Bundle hate the ghastly masks, but they had no choice; it was the idea of Lord and Lady Coote, to whom they are indebted.  Lord Coote wants to meet George Lomax, so they can form a relationship: "His Foreign Office, my steel factories." 

Lol, I can't hear the name Coote without thinking of Cornelius Coot, who founded the city of Duckburg in Disney comics.

Bundle, apparently the focus character, continues to mingle.  She approaches Ronny (gay actor Nabhaan Rizwan, right) and his Boyfriend (Hughie O'Donnell), who explain that their mate Gerry hasn't gotten up before noon all week, so they're going to prank him with seven alarm clocks hidden in various places in his room.

Next, she talks to Gerry (Corey Mylchreest, top photo, butt left).  He gawks with Girl of My Dreams hetero-horniness, and tells Bundle how incredibly gorgeous she is.  Ok, so he won't be pretending to be gay in this one.  She counters that he is incredibly gorgeous as well.  They gaze at each other for about five minutes, then he asks her to dinner, and implies that he's going to propose.  The gazing continues.  I'm fast-forwarding past it.

Scene 2: Cut to the boyfriends giggling as they hide alarm clocks in various places in Gerry's room.  Then to a card game, with Bundle and Boy of Her Dreams Gerry continuing to gaze at each other while the others chitchat. Jimmy (Edward Bluemel, butt left) joins them.

 Then raucous Jazz Age dancing and more gazing.  

The boyfriends are not dancing.  They are engrossed with each other.  I think they're a canonical couple.

Bundle drops Gerry to mingle, then goes out into the garden. 

Scene 3: Morning.  Establishing shot of the country house surrounded by marshland.  Ronny and his Boyfriend complain of being hungover, and fill their plates.  The others arrive, equally hungover.

At 11:15, the alarm clocks go off in Gerry's room.  He's not turning them off, so they send the Butler to wake him.  Then Bundle goes.  She finds that Gerry is...dead!

Cut to the doctor (Tristan Gemmill, left), who finds a sleeping draft next to the bed.  Gerry must have taken a draft to help him sleep, and since he was drunk, the combination was lethal.  

"Impossible!" Bundle exclaims.  "He never used sleeping drafts!"  And she knows what he did before bed because....

"Then maybe it was deliberate?" the doctor suggests.

The Boyfriend: "Well, he was stressed at work.  His boss, George Lomax, was always riding him."

"No way!  Impossible!  He was planning to propose to me."

Next up: a bumbling detective, on his first case, ineptly examines the crime scene while making jokes.  Bundle thinks that it was a murder.  Otherwise be lousy story.

"Wait -- there are seven clocks on the mantle.  I thought you guys hid them?"  The Boyfriends glance at each other in shock.

More after the break

Wake Up Dead Man: Daniel Craig's gay detective solves a locked-room murder, with a hot priest, some MAGA suspects, and a lot of Catholic cocks

 

For movie night this week, we saw Wake Up Dead Man (2025), the third of the Knives Out mysteries starring Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig, left), a posh Southern-accented detective who draws inspiration from classic murder writers like Agatha Christie, Dorothy Sayers, and Ngaio Marsh.  

This one involves Father Jed (Josh O'Connor), a boxer who accidentally killed his opponent in the ring, and became a priest to expiate his guilt.  When he loses control and punches an a*hole deacon, he is assigned to a struggling parish in upstate New York. 

Left: Exteriors were filmed at the Anglican Church of the Holy Innocents, in Epping Forest, near London, built in 1873, praised as a masterpiece of Gothic Revival architecture.

It is struggling because of Monseigneur Wicks (Josh Brolin).  Monseigneur is an honorary title bestowed by the Pope, but this Monseigneur has bestowed it upon himself.  He has turned the congregation into an evangelical cult, preaching about the End Times and the War against Christianity, promising eternal damnation to anyone who challenges his authority, and screaming at visitors who he thinks are disobeying God's law: first a single mother, and then a gay couple.

The gay couple is played by HIV activist Hugh Wyld and Matthew Jacobs-Morgan, who runs Coven, a queer bar and art venue in Hackney.  

Father Jed thinks that the Church should be about love and forgiveness, a place where "everyone is welcome," but the Monseigneur sneers that he is ridiculously naive: why would you open the Church to the enemies of God? This is War!

In fact, the Monseigneur has only seven True Believers left:

1. Lee Ross (gay actor Andrew Scott), a formerly best-selling author who has retreated into conspiracy theories, and is currently writing a 6,000 page biography of Monseigneur Wick.

2. Vera Draven, a lawyer who was suddenly told "you're going to raise this boy," with no further explanation. 

3. The boy, now grown up, Cy Draven (Daryl McCormack).  He tried to jump start a career in politics by blogging against everything the Orange Goblin hates from trans people to Portland, but he couldn't get any doors open.  Being black won't help you win over MAGA, buddy.

4. Simone Vivane, a concert cellist who had to give up music due to chronic pain, and is handing over thousands of dollars in the hope that Wick will cure her. Faith healing is evangelical thing, not really Catholic.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 2.2 Kelvin clenches, Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. With proof that everything is bigger in Texas.

Previous:  Episode 2.1, Continued: Keefe's kiss, Kelvin's boner, and a thug with broken thumbs. With Jonah Hauer-King and a proper erection bonus

In Episode 2.1, while we establish the Kelvin/Keefe, Judy/BJ, and Jesse/Amber conflicts of the season, Eli's old friend Junior stops by, and acts very much like an ex-lover.  They go out to dinner and beat up a tough.  Now we see the aftermath.

Title: "After I Leave, Savage Wolves will Come."  In Acts 20.29. Paul tells the Ephesians that after he leaves, savage wolves or false teachers will tear the flock apart. So, who is the wolf invading the Gemstones' lives?

Eli Gemstone indicted! Thaniel Block sits on the porch of his rental house in the South Carolina woods, reading some news stories from 1993: Gemstone Family Studios to close due to "a financial and rumors of  sexual scandals," with $4 million missing.  Another article: "Eli Gemstone indicted on charges of fraud and conspiracy." But Episode 2.5 takes place at Christmas 1993.  When did all this happen? Geezer Tim drops by to criticize him for living in New York and having a "nasty attitude." 

A Hot Piece of Tail: Judy and BJ visit Eli to ask him to officiate in BJ's baptism.  They find him asleep on the couch in the parlor. Junior enters and asks "Who's this hot piece of tail?"  He's actually looking at BJ, but Eli assumes that he means Judy and says that she is his daughter.  He apologizes and asks if BJ is her lesbian partner. BJ starts to answer, but Judy cuts him off: "He's big-dicking you."

There are several takeaways here.  First, Eli and Junior did not sleep together; Eli fell asleep on the couch. Weren't there any guest rooms in his mansion? 

Second, check out Junior's magenta bathrobe, jaunty hand on him, and pinky ring: he is deliberately presenting as queer.   

Third, Eli may have mentioned that one of his children is gay, and Junior forgot which.

Execretions and Hep C Loads:  After Junior heads to the kitchen to make coffee, Judy wants to know what's going on.  Eli tells her that "things got a little carried away last night," which she interprets to mean that they are having rough sex.  He grimaces in disgust, but plays along to mess with her.  

Her main criticism is that Junior is unattractive: "I always hoped that if you were gonna yank a pole, it would be someone hot."  So Judy has considered the possibility that Eli is bisexual for a long time. 

She states that the "hookup" signifies that Eli doesn't care about his family.  Remember that Jesse likewise complains that Kelvin "popping boners" with the muscle men is "selfish, not helping the family."  But it's not just gay sex; on this show, having a partner of any sort is framed as a betrayal.  The family is aghast when Judy wants to move off the Compound with BJ; Baby Billy is still hurt over his sister Aimee-Leigh "leaving him" to marry Eli.  

As they storm out, Judy cautions BJ to not touch anything, as there are probably execretions and Hep C loads everywhere.  This is a call back to Abraham leaving his semen everywhere in Jesse's house, plus an awareness that Hepatitus C can easily spread through anal sex, so it is particularly common in gay communities.

Good Sniffer Seats: After they leave, Eli joins Junior on the back patio, overlooking the reflecting pool that leads to Aimee-Leigh's shrine.  Eli invites him to church, but he worries about the cost.  Junior avers that he's been to enough strip joints to know that you have to pay for the "good sniffer seats."  I can't find the term "sniffer seat" defined anywhere, but I guess that it's a seat close enough to the stage to smell the performers.  There are male strip clubs, but he's probably referencing a lady's club, being a hetero horn dog, backing off from the implication of same-sex activity. 

But not entirely: Eli offers to reserve a good seat for him, and the guys hold hands!

On closer examination, it turns out to be a man and a woman holding hands. We have cut to a scene involving Jesse and Amber's marital advice group. But it is so abrupt that the misdirection must be intentional.  The man is even wearing a shirt the same color as Junior's robe.

After the group meeting, Matthew and Chad ask why Jesse's old crew isn't hanging out together anymore.  This is all marital stuff, heterosexual nuclear family stuff; what happened to the band of brothers, savage and free?  Gregory explains; "I love you guys, but happy wife, happy life." You must abandon same-sex loves for heterosexual destiny.

You Got a Hound Dog Here: Cut to Thaniel visiting the Salvation Center, where he admits that he has sexual-scandal dirt on Aimee-Leigh, gathered from household staff.  Well, at least Kelvin is off the hook.

The World's Most Famous Christian: Next, Jesse and Amber visit the Lissons in Texas for a party to celebrate the proposed Zion's Landing resort. Joe Jonas, the World's Most Famous Christian, leads everyone in a line dance.  He proclaims his heterosexuality, singing about the "beautiful girls" he's been with while wearing a formless leopard robe and pink bandana, the antithesis of Kelvin's tiger jacket and porn-star-bulging jeans. Desire for women un-mans a man, renderng him soft and sickly; only in the manly love of comrads can a man be strong and free.

Keefe dances: At church, they welcome those who have found God in the past month, including BJ. He has always been a non-believer before; it is unclear whether he has actually had a "born again" experience, or is just pretending to be accepted by the family.  

The welcome is framed as a heterosexual union, with Judy hugging BJ and Kelvin grudgingly hugging a female convert. He's disgusted by touching "females," even as part of his job.  Meanwhile, on a balcony far removed from the stage, Keefe leads the God Squad in a dance, invisible, ignored, forever cut off from heterosexual practice, forever cut off from the family.  

Nude Texas dudes after the break

Matlock 2024: Kathy Bates barges in like Columbo...I mean Andy Griffith. With Tony Danza, some Greek dicks, and a Cheers reference

  

Matlock (1986-1995) starred Andy Griffith as an elderly attorney who represents clients charged with murder (all innocent, of course). I didn't watch: it aired opposite Who's the Boss (Tony Danza, sigh), and besides, who wanted to watch a oldster attorney clunking around? 

I did see part of one episode, because it promised LGBT representation: Matlock goes into a gay bar for some reason, and a young guy instantly pops up and asks him to dance.  An old guy in a gay bar is hit on?  Is this science fiction?

"Me, dance with you?" Matlock repeats, horrified.  Then "No-ooooo-oooo!!!!", shaking his head so vigorously that I'm surprised it didn't fall off.  Geez, it wouldn't hurt you to be a little gracious, homophobe!  How about "No, thanks, I'm working."

There was also an episode with a murderous drag queen, rather old fashioned in the 1990s.  

30 years later, Matlock has been revived in the form of a retired lawyer (Kathy Bates) with the nickname Matlock or Mattie, because the show was big when she was first starting out. I'm not particularly interested -- again, who wants to watch an oldster attorney clunking around -- but I understand that this version has a bona fide gay character, so I'll take a look.

Episode 1: In a coffee shop, a cute but jerky businessman (Marcus Rosner, right) talks about closing on his phone.  He overhears Mattie struggling with using the tap function, and hands the barista a $20 bill to pay, and keep the change.  Mattie is pleased; "Isn't this a nice way to start the day."   But I'm not pleased; I figured this guy would be a main character. 

She enters the building at 450 5th Avenue in New York, in Midtown, about five blocks from the Empire State Building, and talks to the lady on the elevator about hard candy: she resisted, but when she turned 65, she had no choice but to buy some.  "We become exactly what people expect us to be."

Into the office on the 21st floor, where she suspiciously looks at a floor plan and enters a conference room full of suit men talking about the Mets.  Boss Elijah (Eme Ikwuakor, top photo) asks Olympia about the police corruption case; she needs more resources to get it done, but he tells her to close it now.

Next Julian (Jason Ritter) brags that they can get his case up to $19 million.  Mattie interrupts that he can get a lot more.

"Who are you?"

Matlock. She's come to apply for an associates job, but she can't get an interview due to her age, so she barged into the meeting. 

"How do you know how much he is willing to pay?"

She's been tailing his attorney, and "accidentally" overheard their phone conversation in the coffee shop earlier.  Old people are invisible, and can get away with a lot of spying.

"Fine, you're hired.  You can assist Olympia on the case she's been working on for six months."

Left: Jason Ritter's butt

Scene 2: Olympia is upset, but she has no choice.  She introduces her other assistants.  The woman complains that they should be working with senior associates, not senior citizens, but Billy  (David Del Rio) befriends Mattie and gives her a tour of the snack station and back patio for crying (I've had jobs like that).  

Left: David Del Rio is sort of swishy, and he pretends to be gay in several of his Instagram posts, but he announces right off that he's just joking: he's actually married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and they have two beautiful daughters.  I hate it when straight guys jerk us around like that.

The case: Raymond Harris spent 26 years in prison for multiple rapes and a murder.  He's been exonerated by DNA tests, thinks that the police suppressed evidence, and wants the State of New York to pay damages.  Olympia has a tip: while Raymond was in custody, a prostitute escaped from the real killer, but the police report proving his innocence vanished.  They have to track her down, but they have no name or description, and it was 26 years ago.   

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Billy Howle: A serious actor, crazy cute, with frequent nude scenes. Do you need anything else? With bonus Tommy Knight d*ck

I've reviewed two tv series starring British actor Billy Howle (not Howlie), and two things about him stand out:

1. He is crazy cute.  What we used to call dreamy, the sort of guy who elicits fantasies of holding hands in the moonlight rather than going downtown.

 

2. Speaking of going downtown, he is not shy about displaying his rather impressive penis on screen.

I always ask two questions in these profiles.

1. Is he gay in real life?

Billy has no social media presence, but various interviews note that he is in a long-term relationship with a lady.  He could be bisexual or gay-and-closeted, but for now we'll call him straight. 

2. Has he played any gay characters?

This one will take some research.  We'll start with his bio.  

Billy was born in Stoke-on-Trent in the Midlands, about an hour from Birmingham, son of a college professor and a "schoolteacher."  He graduated from the Bristol Old Vic Theater School in 2013.  His theatrical credits include:

The Ibsen play Ghosts (2015), which is about religion, free love, and incest, not about ghosts.  We had to read Ibsen in college.  Ugh.

Eugene O'Neill's A Long Day's Journey into Night (2016).  We had to read O'Neill, too.  Double ugh.

Hamlet (2022).  Maybe a gay subtext between the Prince and Mercutio.

Dear Octopus (2024), which is about a large, suffocating family, not an octopus.  At least it's not Ionesco.

John Osborne's Look Back in Anger (2024) about marital problems.

No significant gay content, I'm afraid, and pretentiousness as the summum bonum.  

Next, Billy's on-screen roles.  He has 21 acting credits on the IMDB.  A  mostly pretentious lot, with only one science fiction movie and not a whiff of comedy.  I'll check the projects that I've reviewed already, those listed as "known for," and those with nudity.

Already Reviewed:

The Perfect Couple (2024).  When the Maid of Honor is murdered on the night before the wedding, everyone is a suspect, including the Bride and Groom.  Billy plays the Groom's brother, who has a girlfriend. 

Under the Banner of Heaven (2022). Lapsed Mormon Allen (Billy) is accused of murdering his wife and baby, but he says that his fundamentalist family did it to punish her for wanting a career and being uppity. 

More after the break