Gemstone Season 3 Memes, Part 1: Dildos, a limp wrist, a nice Satanist boy, and what Stephen fantasizes about

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- featuring Kelvin and Keefe of The Righteous Gemstones, their friends, and a few random hunks.  Most don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.

1. Applied to join Kelvin's God Squad, rejected for being too big

2. Careful, one of your dildos escaped

3. Need help with that toy?

Need someone to show you how to use a double-headed dildo?  Go find Kelvin and meet me in the steam showers.

4. "I be punching you in the uvula."

Diss my man again, and:

"Im'a shove my fist so far up your ass that you'll be kissing my ring from the inside."

"Your friends will think you're a Muppet"

"You'll be tastin' the hand job I gave him this morning."

"Your tonsils be chargin' me rent"

5. That nice Satanist boy

Keefe: Mama said I should marry that nice Satanist boy, but no, I had to pick Kelvin Gemstone.

 

6. A nice Satanist boy.

Or maybe just a naked Emo

More after the break

The Family Responds to Keefe's Fire Dance

During Cousins' Night (Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.3.), Kelvin's boyfriend Keefe, a former Satanist, performs a highly erotic fire dance for the family.  Their reactions:

Jesse: "I am not turned on, I am not turned on, I am not..."

Chuck: "So this is what my brother does in the bedroon?"

Karl:  I wish I had a guy to do that with in the bedroom.

More after the break

Lukas Haas: from gay hustler to militia man

Lukas Haas has been a Hollywood icon for over 40 years. He starred in some of the classic films of our childhood, like Witness (1985),  Lady in White (1988), and Mars Attacks! (1995).

Although his main focus has been indie doomed-romance-with-women movies, he has played several gay characters, generally of the angst-ridden, tragic-ending sort.

In Johns (1996), he plays a hustler who falls in love with a coworker (David Arquette) who insists that he's not gay, then is murdered.

In Last Days (2005), based on the last days of singer Kurt Cobain, he has a romantic relationship with Scott Patrick Green.  The Cobain-character dies.

In Meth Head (2013), he takes crystal meth and destroys his life, in spite of his partner's attempts to save him.

In Widows (2018), he has sex with ladies, but at least you get to see his bare butt.

And you can't convince me that Chuck Montgomery in The Righteous Gemstones is straight.  

His friendship with Leonardo DiCaprio has sparked gay rumors, but Lukas has made no public pro- or anti-gay statements.

See also: Leonardo DiCaprio: Nude photos of Rimbaud, Howard Hughes, the Great Gatsby, and Elijah Wood's good buddy.

Ian Winningkoff: From "Sulphur Springs" to "Grease," with some teen idol costars and hunky Danny Zukos