Gemstones Episode 4.3: Keefe does stuff with the Devil, Vance is homophobic, and Kelvin is doomed. With a stunt cock and a nude Hamlet

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Fabio de Luca: Gay Brazilian actor, comedian, spiritualist. But is his d*ck bigger than Bruno de Luca's? With some "Madam Beja" hunks

In the Brazilian telenovela Madam Beja (2026), now streaming on MAX, 19th century Brazilian girl Beja is kidnapped by an evil magistrate before she can marry her boyfriend Antonio.  By the time she escapes, he has moved on and married someone else.  What's a girl to do?  

How about open a high-end brothel?  That way she can continue seeing Antonio (David Junior, left) on the downlow, and start a new romance with his best bud, João (André Luiz Miranda, after the break).  Plus get involved in the lives and loves of her workers.

The show is brimming with muscular men and bare backsides, and there are two LGBTQ regulars:  Fortunato (João Villa, top photo), a young apothecary struggling to come out, and the trans sex worker Severina (played by the nonbinary actor Pedro Fasanaro), who starts a romance with the town priest (Arilson Lucas, left)

Another hunk appears when the evil magistrate returns with some soldiers to get his hands on Beja, or her wealth. Colonel Madeira (Fabio de Luca) "betrays" him by becoming a Beja ally, so he storms into the brothel while the Colonel is busily schtupping, and orders him out.  Later he is found floating in the river, dead. 

I started searching for more n*de photos of the big guy, and found a very interesting portrait of Fabio de Luca, a gay chub/bear comedian.  

Saved by Grace Kelly

Fabio was born in Rio de Janeiro in 1980, and began performing in children's theater.  But it was his first visit to a gay bar --  Rosa Choque (Hot Pink) -- that drew him into acting as a career.  The police raided, checking ids and arresting underage youth, and he was only 16!  He was terrified, but a drag queen dressed as Grace Kelly pulled him into her dressing room, and told him to be putting on makeup when the police entered.  It worked -- they left him alone.  Afterwards, he associated drag -- and all performance -- with freedom.  You can be truly yourself when you are playing a role.

Fat Jokes

He started in the theater, with roles in The Voyage of Peter the Fortunate (Strindberg), The Caucasian Chalk Circle (Brecht) and many plays by Brazilian authors.  Some guest spots on tv followed, often making him the butt of a fat joke.  He had to take those jobs for survival, but he always tried to shift the humor to the situation, not his appearance. 

And he sought out roles where his character could have been played by an actor of any size, such as Lazaro in The First Temptation of Christ (2019),.

Siquiera in the serial-killer drama  Peçanha Contra o Animal (2021), 

Bumbling detective Sabia in Êta Mundo Melhor ("What a Better World," 2025).

And many sketches on Porta dos Fundos ("The Back Door"), a Youtube channel with 19 million subscribers (2022-26), which made him a household name in Brazil, and permitted him to move into writing and directing.

Fabio and Bruno

 Fabio calls himself "a cross between Fabio Porchat and Bruno de Luca."

Fabio Porchat is the co-founder and head writer of Porta dos Fundos.

Bruno de Luca (left) is a fixture on Brazilian tv, best known for playing Fabinho on the teen soap Malhação (1995-97) and Romeu on Os Parças (2024).

His d*ck after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Luke Speakman: The femme bully of "Weapons" meets a lot of hunks, likes capybaras, plays a boy raised as a girl. With Dad and Dylan dicks

 

When I saw Weapons (2025), a thriller about the mysterious disappearance of all of the kids in a third grade class (except one), I thought that the bully (right) was a girl due to their long hair and femme mannerisms -- until their dad called them Matthew (played by Luke Speakman).

There is a positively portrayed gay couple in the movie (played by Benedict Wong and Clayton Farris), and it's quite a welcome change to have the femme boy the bully instead of the victim, so writer/director Zach Creger is obviously a queer ally. But Matthew is not on screen long enough to express any same-sex interests (besides, the rule in movies is, all kids must be portrayed as heterosexual).  But maybe Luke Speakman is gay in real life. 

Left: Luke meets his crush, Merrick Hanna.

Left: Luke's birthday in April 2025: "Turned 12 today!  Guess I'm old now!"  Just wait, buddy.

Growing up in a heteronormative society, gay boys are often unaware that they like boys, or interpret their interest as friendship or hero worship.  And if they are aware, they are unlikely to mention it on their parent-curated social media pages.  But maybe we can catch some glimmers of same-sex interest to augment Luke's femme appearance.

Born in Athens, Georgia in 2013, Luke began acting on screen at age five, in Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories (2020): he plays the young version of Sam (Dylan O'Brien, left), who goes through a time portal to the 1920s and meets Girl of His Dreams (be careful, she could be your great-grandmother).

Next came seven episodes of the podcast series The Burned Photo (2021-22): two women's "lives become intertwined when they discover they are being terrorized by the same multi-generational curse that is determined to end their family lineages."  So some lesbian subtexts going on?

Five episodes of Lost Man Down (2022), about an aspiring actor masquerading as a talent agent.  Luke plays a baseball fan who believes in aspiring player Takeshi.

An Asian hunk.  Not particularly relevant, but none of the adult stars of Lost Man Down have nude photos.

More after the break

Eddie Ramos: Teen chimera with a boyfriend, gay cage fighter, probably gay artist, DMV short guy. With his butt and cock, of course.

 

In DMV Episode 1.10 (2026), Department of Motor Vehicles employee Colette is upset because she's not part of the Hot Gurlz Friend List that her coworker Ceci maintains.  She spends the day making inept attempts at sexual double entendres, but it doesn't convince Ceci to let her join.  

Finally she sees the electrician Miguel (Eddie Ramos) standing on a ladder to repair something: Ceci's favorite cousin, and the family's "pride and joy."  After a brief conversation, MIguel asks Colette out.  She agrees: this could get her a place on the Hot Gurlz list.

Uh-oh, when Miguel descends the ladder, he turns out to be short -- 5'7".  A massive turn-on for me, but for some reason Colette is no longer attracted to him.  But she has to go through with the date to ensure her place on Ceci's list.

After seeking the advice of DMV weirdo Vic (Tony Cavalero), she decides to trick Miguel into refusing future dates, so it won't be her fault and she can stay on the list.   Sitcom complications follow, but I was busy researching Eddie Ramos. 

Eddie grew up in Queens, received a BFA from Syracuse University in 2013, and participated in the ABC Diversity Showcase in 2014. Diversity because he's Hispanic, because he's gay, or both?

The good news: Of his 29 acting credits listed on the IMDB, at least three are gay roles.

On a 2015 episode of Teen Wolf.  high schooler Corey (Michael Johnston) tells the gang that his new boyfiend Lucas (Eddie) suddenly turned into a chimera-werewolf-scorpion hybrid and stung him.  This turns him into a chimera, too.  The evil Lucas then goes to a gay club, picks up Mason (Khylin Rhambo), and tries to sting him.  But the good guys arrive, and he is killed in the ensuing fight.  Not to worry Corey and Mason start dating, and stay together through the two seasons.

The short Bitch, Please (2016) doesn't have a plot synopsis online, but presumably it's about gay guys throwing shade.

Incorporated (2016-17) stars Sean Teale as a "little guy" trying to take down an evil corporation in 2074.  Eddie plays Theo, a gay street kid turned cage fighter who becomes his ally.. He starts dating Anthony (Matt Landry, left).

Plus he appeared in six episodes of the gay-friendly Animal Kingdom (2018-19) as Tupi, a straight gang member who gets killed while naked.

The bad news:

Eddie played straight guys in Vici and Eraser: Reborn, and maybe in some of his guest roles, on Mr. Mayor, Hightown, Chicago Med, The Rookie, and so on.  I don't see a lot of gay content.  

In an episode 9-1-1 Nashville (2016): Pedro (Eddie) is working on a mural, when a scaffolding collapses.  He is buried, then suffers a spinal injury.  In the hospital, he worries that he won't be able to do his art anymore.   An artist, no girlfriend visiting him in the hospital: two queer codes.  But no canon.

More good news and bad news after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Harrison Houde: It's Bowie! Plus gay-adjacent tv, synth-wave music, and a pink Ford. With Diego, Harrison butts, and Nemo d*ck

 School Spirits features a high school girl named Maddie Near, who becomes a "ghost" when her spirit is dislocated from her body.  In Episode 2.3 (2025), we meet Diego (Zack Calderon), the older brother of Maddie's friend, n the best possible way -- wearing just a towel. 

Well, maybe not the absolute best possible way...

And we learn that Maddie's body is now occupied by Janet,  the ghost of a high school girl who died in 1958. She goes on the run, bringing a satchel-full of stolen cash. When she stops for supplies, we met Carl (Harrison Houde), a clerk at the superstore.  He has long hair and femme multicolored bracelets, pinging my gaydar.  And he's 5'5".  

Which should I profile?

Sorry, Zack.

You may remember Harrison Houde from Some Assembly Required (2014-16), the Canadian teencom about a boy (Kolton Stewart) who sues his way into owning a toy company,   Harrison plays Bowie, his cute, quirky best bud, who is put in charge of the Jokes and Pranks Division.  (He's pictured with Dylan Playfair as the dimwitted hunk.)  

Although the gay-vague fashion plate of the series is Aster (Travis Turner), until he gets a queerbait girlfriend, Bowie only expresses heterosexual interest in one or two episodes. 

Harrison began his on-screen career as Darren Walsh, who becomes an outcast for touching cheese, in Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010).  

Next came three episodes of Spooksville (2013-14), about teenage ghost-hunters.

42 episodes of the "how it works" series Finding Stuff Out (2012-14)

And the movie Pants on Fire (2014), with Bradley Steven Perry as a chronic liar who wins The Girl of His Dreams (not by lying).

More after the break.  Caution:Explicit.

Stranded on the Isle of Dogs, and Other Hassles, Horrors, and Hookups of My First Visit to England

 

Sorry if you love London, or call it home.  I'm not a big fan, in spite of the architectural marvels and fascinating history.  I always get lost.  It's cold.  The streets are all dirty.  Everyone is rude all the time;  I've never seen anyone in London ever smile.  And the food's not great.

In 1993, my partner Lane was a delegate to the World Congress of GLBT Jews, to be held in London.  He invited me along as his guest.

This isn't him.  I have lots of pictures, but no nudes.  But he was (and still is) a husky, hairy bear with nice arms, like this guy.

I had been to France, Spain, Germany, and the Netherlands, and Lane spent a year in Israel, but for some reason neither of us had ever been to Britain.  So we planned lots of sightseeing: The Tower of London, the Sherlock Holmes Museum, Stonehenge, The Rude Man of Cerne Abbas, Canterbury Cathedral.  Not to mention the Gay Village of Soho.

Customs

The problems started the moment I arrived.  At customs I was questioned extensively about my reasons for coming to Britain, who I was staying with, did I know anyone here, and again, why did I come here????  He wouldn't believe that I was a tourist.  No one ever came to Britain as a tourist.  It was a tiny, backwater country with absolutely no sites of historical or artistic interest!  I must be planning something criminal.

I still wonder why he was so suspicious.  Do I have the same name as a terrorist?  Was it my leather jacket?  

The Isle of Dogs

If you were planning a World Congress with delegates from all over the world, most of whom have never been to Britain before, wouldn't you pick a hotel that was centrally located?

Nope: The Royal Britannia Hotel was on the Isle of Dogs, an industrial sleugh on the East End of London, surrounded by the Thames on three sides.  No pubs, no shops, nothing but block after block of dark industrial buildings.  

And no subway.  You could catch a bus into town -- about six miles to the Tower of London -- but it stopped at different places, depending on the whim of the driver, anywhere between six and twelve blocks from the hotel.

So you were standing at a bus stop, and it would drive past you and stop two blocks away.

On Thursday and Friday, while Lane was busy with meetings, I chased after a bus getting into town, visited the Tower, the British Museum, the Sherlock Holmes Museum -- and Clapham Common, because I took the wrong metro and ended up in the far south.  

Saturday was Shabbat, so no meetings were scheduled.  Lane and I returned to London to visit Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, a science fiction bookstore, and  a gay sauna (for a gay conference, there was very little hooking up).  

We missed the last bus, so we had to take a taxi back to the hotel.

On Sunday the buses didn't run, so another taxi into London, where we found almost everything closed, and a taxi back (straining our resources).  

The Gay Jewish Conference

I didn't realize that by signing on as a guest, not a delegate, I was forbidden to go to any of the meetings, or any of the dinners.  

On Thursday night, there was an evening boat tour of the Thames, with box dinner provided.  Except for guests.  I stole one to avoid starving to death.

On Saturday night, they held a dance for conference delegates -- no one else, not even the partners.  I spent the night watching television -- the "Crazy Americans" hour, with four episodes of a tv sitcom that I never heard of (and don't recall the title of; it takes place in an office, but in one episode they're on a life boat for some reason).

On Sunday night they had a dinner -- for delegates only.  I'd have to make do with the hotel restaurant.  Whoops, it was closed on Sundays.  I would have starved to death again, but someone with a car drove into town and brought me (and the other guests) some fish and chips.

Is this any way to run a gay Jewish conference?

At least Lane brought a hookup back from the dance, so I got a little cock action.

It gets better after the break.  Sort of.

Gemstones Episode 4.2: Baby Billy's dong, BJ's pole, Pontius' private parts, and the Clobber Verses

Title: "You Hurled Me Into the Depths, Into the Very Heart of the Sea." Jonah 2.3: Jonah is in the belly of the great fish, praying for deliverance (not a whale -- there are no whales in the Mediterranean Sea).

Gemstone Roll Call: A gold-and-purple Baby Billy announces Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin in angel costumes.  The rest of the family joins them on stage for the Aimee-Leigh Birthday Give-A-Thon (in case you're interested, she was born on September 21, 1955).

Keefe does a high kick.  The siblings appear in jetpacks, and rise up over the stage, but things go wrong and they crash.  Fortunately, it's just a rehearsal.

Baby Billy's Dong:  In the dressing room, the siblings refuse to continue with the jetpack bit, but Baby Billy insists: this is too important. So he's in charge now? And where the heck is Eli?   Somewhere in Florida. He won't answer their phone calls. 

Baby Billy then drops his trousers to flop his dong around: "This is what a real man looks like.  I booked all these people to the Give-a-Thon, so Eli has to be there!"   Fans were complaining that the stunt cock guy had no balls.  Who's looking for balls?

Eli Hooks Up:  Somewhere in Florida (actually the Keys), a grotesque long-haired Eli awakens on his boat, Nice Mussels, and cooks eggs for the lady he "69ed for 45 minutes" last night.  She wants more of his "thick breakfast sausage" instead, but he explains that he is not ready for a relationship.  He's still trying to figure out what he wants.  Dude, you're 73.  Better hurry.  Besides, "I don't like you."  

She rushes off, but Eli struts down the dock, smoking a cigar, cruising the ladies.  Easter Egg: he has a cap from Adams College, a call-back to "Revenge of the Nerds"

Uh-oh, it's the siblings, for some reason dressed in their Cape and Pistol society costumes.  Judy has an unexplained bandaged hand.  They yell at Eli for drinking too much, and when they find a bra, hooking up with ladies.  "Am I supposed to be in mourning all my life?"  "Yes!"  They had the same argument in Season 2, when Eli hooked up with a lady after Bowling Night.

He refuses to go to the telethon.  The siblings annoy him by saying "p*ssy" over and over, and making the tongue-through-fingers gesture, until he consents.  How does Kelvin know about that?

Time to set up the sibling conflicts for the season:

BJ's Pole:  BJ (not pictured) is in a pole dancing class otherwise occupied entirely by women (the casting call asked for men, too, but I guess none showed up).  Judy disapproves of him spending so much time aroiund hot ladies, or having any life outside of her, but he explains that the "physical rigor and slightly taboo nature of pole dancing" has keyed into his obsessive nature, like pickleball in Season 3 and skating in Season 2.  BJ's story arc always involves trying to become his own person, distinct from Judy.

It turns out that pole dancing is a competitive sport, with men and women participants.

Living Loud and Proud: Kelvin and Keefe in glittering green hold their all-inclusive Bible study in a glittering green hall.  Applause by a drag queen, a butch lesbian, a couple of gay guys.  He explains that Prism, "where diversity sparkles," involves "looking at the Bible in a different light."  They talk all around it, but they don't say "gay."  I'm concerned. 

They see the Bible differently from "older, lamer generations."  They omit the yucky stuff and concentrate on the good stuff, with the Kelvin Gemstone Edition Bibles.  So they're censoring the text?  Why not discuss the contemporary scholarly consensus that the Five Clobber Verses have nothing to do with contemporary LGBTQ identities:

1. The story of Sodom: their sin was being inhospitable to strangers, not being gay.

2. "Thou shalt not lie with man as with woman": A reference to temple prostitution.  Anyhow, the next passage says that eating shrimp is an abomination, too.

3. "Men, leaving the natural use of women, burned with lust."  It's a story about lust, not a condemnation of gay relationships.

4. "Strange flesh."  Dating angels.

5. "Homosexuals," a mistranslation of arsenokoitai and malakoi: slang swear words like motherf*ker, not meant to be taken literally

Back home, Keefe helps Kelvin de-flamboyant himself by taking off his shirt and rings. Kelvin is happy that he can finally "be myself and be worshipped for it," and their success is something that he can "throw in Jesse and Judy's faces."  I liked you better when you were buying dildos, buddy.

Keefe wants to be more open, like "kissing more in public," or maybe... getting married?   Keefe's story arc always has him trying to push a resistant Kelvin to the next stage in their relationship. Doubtless there'll be a Kelvin/Keefe wedding in Episode 4.8.

Kelvin is alarmed by the idea of marriage. Maybe if you did it right, on one knee, with a ring?  

Being more open would hurt their ministry.   What about Sigfried and Roy? "They were lickin' each other's wieners just like you and me do, but they didn't...put in the pipe with each other in front of the audience."  He wants to kiss you on stage, not put his pipe in  you.  It's not the same thing.

Siegfried and Roy performed magic acts with a white tiger in Las Vegas from 1967 to 2003.  They never  denied that they were romantic partners, but they never actually came out either.  When Roy died of COVID in 2020, Siegfried announced that "I have lost my best friend."

To assuage Keefe's hurt feelings, Kelvin becomes "the kissy monster."  Annoyed, Keefe complains that he doesn't have time for the kissy monster right now, but Kelvin chases him across the room.  He starts climbing, presumably onto the bed. Dude, he said no, and that "kissy monster" shtick is not at all sexy.

Bonus: In case Baby Billy's dong isn't enough, here's another.  

Pontius' Private Parts: Jesse taping a commercial for his new line of Prayer Pods, like privacy pods except that inside you can pray, play Bible Bonkers, listen to a sermon, and so on.  He forces the entire family into one.  It's a tight fit: Pontius, sitting on his lap, deliberately farts in his face.

In the dressing room, we get some back story:  Pontius (top photo and left) got kicked out of the Citadel for low grades, and  because he was posting videos of his buddies sticking firecrackers up each other's butts.  

That sounds like slang for homoerotic activity, but apparently it's a real thing: people put fireworks in their friends' butts as a prank.  

I still think Ponty is hinting at homoerotic interests..

Amber notes that you can "hurt your privates doing things like that," but Pontius insists that his privates work fine, disgusting his parents.  Darn, now you have viewers checking out your bulge.

More after the break