Baby Billy's Dong: In the dressing room, the siblings refuse to continue with the jetpack bit, but Baby Billy insists: this is too important. So he's in charge now? And where the heck is Eli? Somewhere in Florida. He won't answer their phone calls.
Baby Billy then drops his trousers to flop his dong around: "This is what a real man looks like. I booked all these people to the Give-a-Thon, so Eli has to be there!" Fans were complaining that the stunt cock guy had no balls. Who's looking for balls?Eli Hooks Up: Somewhere in Florida (actually the Keys), a grotesque long-haired Eli awakens on his boat, Nice Mussels, and cooks eggs for the lady he "69ed for 45 minutes" last night. She wants more of his "thick breakfast sausage" instead, but he explains that he is not ready for a relationship. He's still trying to figure out what he wants. Dude, you're 73. Better hurry. Besides, "I don't like you."
She rushes off, but Eli struts down the dock, smoking a cigar, cruising the ladies. Easter Egg: he has a cap from Adams College, a call-back to "Revenge of the Nerds"
Uh-oh, it's the siblings, for some reason dressed in their Cape and Pistol society costumes. Judy has an unexplained bandaged hand. They yell at Eli for drinking too much, and when they find a bra, hooking up with ladies. "Am I supposed to be in mourning all my life?" "Yes!" They had the same argument in Season 2, when Eli hooked up with a lady after Bowling Night.
He refuses to go to the telethon. The siblings annoy him by saying "p*ssy" over and over, and making the tongue-through-fingers gesture, until he consents. How does Kelvin know about that?
Time to set up the sibling conflicts for the season:
BJ's Pole: BJ (not pictured) is in a pole dancing class otherwise occupied entirely by women (the casting call asked for men, too, but I guess none showed up). Judy disapproves of him spending so much time aroiund hot ladies, or having any life outside of her, but he explains that the "physical rigor and slightly taboo nature of pole dancing" has keyed into his obsessive nature, like pickleball in Season 3 and skating in Season 2. BJ's story arc always involves trying to become his own person, distinct from Judy.
It turns out that pole dancing is a competitive sport, with men and women participants.
Living Loud and Proud: Kelvin and Keefe in glittering green hold their all-inclusive Bible study in a glittering green hall. Applause by a drag queen, a butch lesbian, a couple of gay guys. He explains that Prism, "where diversity sparkles," involves "looking at the Bible in a different light." They talk all around it, but they don't say "gay." I'm concerned.
They see the Bible differently from "older, lamer generations." They omit the yucky stuff and concentrate on the good stuff, with the Kelvin Gemstone Edition Bibles. So they're censoring the text? Why not discuss the contemporary scholarly consensus that the Five Clobber Verses have nothing to do with contemporary LGBTQ identities:
1. The story of Sodom: their sin was being inhospitable to strangers, not being gay.
2. "Thou shalt not lie with man as with woman": A reference to temple prostitution. Anyhow, the next passage says that eating shrimp is an abomination, too.
3. "Men, leaving the natural use of women, burned with lust." It's a story about lust, not a condemnation of gay relationships.
4. "Strange flesh." Dating angels.
5. "Homosexuals," a mistranslation of arsenokoitai and malakoi: slang swear words like motherf*ker, not meant to be taken literally
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Back home, Keefe helps Kelvin de-flamboyant himself by taking off his shirt and rings. Kelvin is happy that he can finally "be myself and be worshipped for it," and their success is something that he can "throw in Jesse and Judy's faces." I liked you better when you were buying dildos, buddy.
Keefe wants to be more open, like "kissing more in public," or maybe... getting married? Keefe's story arc always has him trying to push a resistant Kelvin to the next stage in their relationship. Doubtless there'll be a Kelvin/Keefe wedding in Episode 4.8.
Kelvin is alarmed by the idea of marriage. Maybe if you did it right, on one knee, with a ring?
Being more open would hurt their ministry. What about Sigfried and Roy? "They were lickin' each other's wieners just like you and me do, but they didn't...put in the pipe with each other in front of the audience." He wants to kiss you on stage, not put his pipe in you. It's not the same thing.
Siegfried and Roy performed magic acts with a white tiger in Las Vegas from 1967 to 2003. They never denied that they were romantic partners, but they never actually came out either. When Roy died of COVID in 2020, Siegfried announced that "I have lost my best friend."To assuage Keefe's hurt feelings, Kelvin becomes "the kissy monster." Annoyed, Keefe complains that he doesn't have time for the kissy monster right now, but Kelvin chases him across the room. He starts climbing, presumably onto the bed. Dude, he said no, and that "kissy monster" shtick is not at all sexy.
Bonus: In case Baby Billy's dong isn't enough, here's another.
Gideon's Butt Buddy: Jesse can't communicate with his father Eli, but Gideon has no trouble: "I call Granddad, or he calls me."
This enrages Jesse, who calls them "butt buddies." Amber points out that the phrase actually refers to "sodomy," so he backs down: "I didn't mean it like that. I'm not trying to say that he's trying to f*k Daddy in the ass." Of course not, Gideon is a bottom.
This is a continuation of the Eli-Gideon relationship from Season 3, so it shouldn't come as a surprise. I'm wondering, however, if Gideon is ever going to have a relationship with anyone outside the family. His last friend or boyfriend was Scotty, who died at the end of Season 1. Your Granddad has overcome his grief and moved on, Gid Baby; maybe you should, too.
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Abraham's got nothing: Poor Gavin; his last plot arc was in Season 2, and it was about leaving secretions everywhere. Looks like he's got nothing here, either; after the Prayer Pod commercial, he sits by himself and plays on his cell phone, just entering the conversation to laugh that his Dad is "butthurt" over Gideon's relationship with Eli.
Karen arrives: The siblings are getting jetpack training from J.R. Rodriguez (good idea), when it's time for the friend or relative from Eli's past to arrive and shake things up: Baby Billy in Season 1; Junior in Season 2; May-May in Season 3; and now "Mama's bestie," Lori , played by Megan Mullaly, Karen on Will and Grace.
Pontius Shreds: Pontius lights up outside the Salvation Center and does some professional-looking skateboard stunts.
Gideon invites him to "Gideon's Prayer Time," which the church Information Booth announces at 11:00 every Wednesday. This is apparently the first time: he'll be preaching the sermon. Wait -- you don't preach at a prayer meeting. You lead prayers.
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Gideon Flounders: Cut to a meeting room with about a dozen senior citizens and Jesse and Eli. Gideon has a powerpoint presentation and note cards, but he doesn't even remember the Bible verse. John 18:6: "And Jesus said, "I am He." That's six words. Did you do any prep at all?
"The Roman soldiers came looking for Jesus of Nazareth. When he said 'I am He,' they all fell to the ground. Um...er...I guess that's it." So what does this mean for us today? Sermons are supposed to apply the text.
Later, in the hallway, Gideon gulps: "I'm no good at preaching." Jesse suggests dropping the powerpoints and the monotone voice, and Eli, "It's an older crowd. Keep it simple." Gideon prefers Eli's advice; they fist bump, which enrages Jesse. Well, Jesse's advice was more useful.
Is Lori the Season's Big Bad?: Time for the telethon. As Eli and the siblings perform the opening banter, Lori watches from offstage, looking rather mean and sinister, as if she has a nefarious motive for re-appearing.
The first two episodes usually introduce real and red-herring antagonists: Scotty/Gideon and Rev. Sessions in Season 1; Junior and the Lissons in Season 2; May-May and Uncle Peter in Season 3. So far Lori is the only new character. But she's being set up as sinister so thoroughly that I suspect she's the red herring.
Cut to Gideon, Amber, and a lot of extras answering the phones, as people call in their donations.
Lori performs: "Time moves so slowly, since you took your love away/ But I won't be lonely, because love will come back here one day." Wait -- were Lori and Aimee-Leigh more than friends?
Afterwards, she finds Eli in the Green Room, and announces that she's leaving right away. He offers a handshake, then thinks better of it and rushes out of the Salvation Center to her car. They kiss -- a lot.
Meanwhile, the siblings rise up on the jetpack-spacesuits and float through the audience. Notice that Jesse has a winged gemstone, Judy a U-shaped collar, and Kelvin what looks like anal beads.I've always been the one to blame.
For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common, too:
It's a, it's a, it's a sin.
Growing up Nazarene, I know that feeling. You felt guilty about everything. Most acts are sins; some aren't technically sins but waste precious time that you could be using to serve God; and some are serving God, but you should be doing them better. Nothing is ever right.
Looks like Eli is going to feel guilty about moving on to a new love with Lori, probably because they had some sparks or even a full affair while Aimee-Leigh was alive. Jesse never feels guilty about anything, but he'll be jealous of his son's relationship with Eli. Judy and BJ, Kelvin and Keefe will spar, as usual. I'm looking forward to seeing Pontius get a plot arc other than "bad boy." The end.
Bonus: The only new male character is JR Rodriguez, who plays the jetpack instructor. He has 19 acting credits on the IMDB, includiing episodes of One Tree Hill, Dawson's Creek, Creepshow, Hightown, and The Summer I Turned Pretty. This may not be him.
See also: "How do I know I'm g___?" A Young Gideon Story
Gideon Gemstone and the Return of Scotty Steele. With A Special Appearance by Clay Chang
Jason Marsden: Second hottest of the Short Guy brigade, Steve Smith, Max Goof
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