"The Chair Company": A chair conspiracy, a queer kid, a ginger chub, weirdness for its own sake, and men in suits with d*cks

I am attracted to men in suits, but not at all to the corporate world, the heterosexist trajectory of job, house, wife, kids that was pushed endlessly through my childhood.  I want a world of art and beauty.  

So at first I wasn't interested in The Chair Company on HBO MAX, starring Tim Robinson as Ron Trosper, a "job, house, wife, and kids" guy whose chair collapses during a Very Important Presentation, leading to more mishaps that threaten to destroy his Very Important Career.   

Trying to track down the Chair Company responsible for the defective chair, he ends up at an empty warehouse.  Later a guy assaults him, telling him to "Forget about the chair company."

He doesn't.  He tracks down his assailant, Mike (Joseph Tudisco), a security guard at a local cafe.  But Mike says "I was hired by a guy I'd never met.  He didn't show his face." 

Maybe they could work together to find him?

Wait -- why is Mike so interested in helping? There must be some gay-subtext buddy-bonding going on.  I'm reviewing the next episode, 1.3: @BrownDerbyHistoricVids Little Bit of Hollywood? Okayyy.

Try putting that in the Works Cited section of your research paper.

Scene 1: Family Man Ron is at Game Night with his daughter, her fiancee, and her fiancee's parents.  Hey, Daughter is gay.  What a surprise -- I figured this show would be entirely heteronormative.  Ulp, he gets a text: "No way out!", with a photo of him taken at that moment from the hall closet.

He pulls open the closet door, and a little person pushes him aside and runs out.  Family Man Ron gives chase, but Partner Mike rushes up and explains "He's my guy, LT (Joe Apelian). I had him watching to make sure you weren't setting me up."  

LT meant that there was "no way out" of his hiding place.  He sent the text to the wrong guy.

Scene 2: The enraged Ron wants to end the partnership, but Mike has intel: he tracked down the guy who paid him to scare Ron, but that guy was hired by someone else, and paid $50,000 for the job.  That's quite a lot -- usually scares go for $400. 

LT interrupts, yelling that Partner Mike isn't his friend, he's no good.  He begins kicking boxes.

Left: None of the three have beefcake photos online, so I'm posting 1990s heartthrob Lou Diamond Phillips, who plays the CEO of Family Man Ron's company.

Scene 3: That night, while asleep, Ron keeps imagining LT staring at him.  He checks all the closets. 

In the morning, he asks his wife if they can install a security system today.  A reasonable plan, but he makes it sound crazy by imagining someone with a gun bursting in and forcing them to kill each other.  

Scene 4: At work, Ron is discussing something about square footage with a client (Mike Britt).  A literal bug crawls into Ron's phone.  Now we're getting surreal. 

When he has a spare moment, he tries to find out who owns the empty warehouse -- ulp, you have to make your request in person.  But before he can duck out, he is dragged into the atrium to watch his tv interview about a shopping mall the company is building: "The way you think about Canton, Ohio is about to change: you're about to step into a bit of Hollywood."  Thus the title.

 The whispering is about a Mistakes Party -- where you admit your mistakes-- that Ron isn't invited to, because he's the boss. 

The guy being whispered to is Cal, played by Joshua Pangborn, who starred in  Skeleton Crew (2015-22).  It sounds like a drama:  In every season, a bear couple and their straight friends host a Halloween party that goes terribly wrong.  They have to deal with the tragedy and figure out how to go on with their lives.  Every friggin' year?  I'd stop hosting those parties.  But there also seems to be ghosts, mad scientists, and time travel.

And frontal nudity.  After the break.  Caution: Explicit

Ansel Pierce: "Duster" Baby Face and "Euphoria" BIg Dick, with Rat Boy, Chubby Guy, and West Hollywood digressions

 

In Duster Episode 1.4, 1970s mob driver Jim Ellis (why not name him Duster?) and the boss's Probably Gay Son (Josh Holloway, Benjamin Charles Watson) are transporting Howard Hughes' car across the Arizona desert, when they almost crash into a car being driven by two guys who aren't named, so I'll call them Rat Boy (left) and Baby Face (right).  

They look like  Mormon missionaries, but their bumper sticker says "Vacuums suck," so they may be salesmen. 

Jim/Duster and Probably Gay Son stop at Floyd's Gas and Go, and the guys follow.  Ulp, their trunk is filled with guns, cables, ropes, and baseball bats embedded with spikes.  They're baddies!  While Jim/Duster is occupied with an unrelated assassination attempt, the Mormon missionary-baddies beat up the mechanic and the Probably Gay Son, and steal the car!   

Jim/Duster and his assassin-turned-ally track them down and kill them, Baby Face with a knife to his head (through an open car window while they're driving side by side), and Rat Boy with a shot in the back.

We learn no more about the characters, but I wanted to research the actors, especially Baby Face.

Rat Boy is played by Garrett Young, who has 13 acting credits on IMDB, including Timid Pimps, Other People's Heads (where he played a head), and Chicago Justice/Med/Fire. 

As a stage actor, he has appeared in John Proctor is the Villain on Broadway, Clyde's, and The Oresteia.  

His Instagram has the "no women," "a lot of hugging guys," and "world's best uncle" gay codes until you get to the very end, where there are a lot of photos of his wife and kid.

On to Baby Face.

We've seen him before -- a lot of him.  He is Ansel Wolf Pierce, best known as Caleb, a recurring character in Euphoria Season 2, and particularly for the house party scene in Episode 2.1: Cassie is hiding in the bathtub when he comes in and sits on the toilet, revealing a..Holy sh*t, that thing is huge!  Noticing her, he apologizes: "You're really hot but I still gotta take a sh*t."  She doesn't mind.

I repeat: Holy sh*t, that thing is huge!

We see his backside, too, but who was paying attention?

Plus Ansel has a social media presence, for a change.

A "versatile young talent making waves in the world of modeling and acting" (and d*cks), he graduated from Fossil Ridge High School in Fort Collins, Colorado, in 2018, then studied business at the University of Colorado.  

While he was in college, a photographer noticed him (and his d*ck) and invited him to L.A. for a fashion shoot.  He decided that modeling would be his career.

Today Ansel is represented by Wilhelmina Models, where he is listed as 6'2", waist 38, shoe size 12, d*ck size  -- well, we already know about that.

More after the break

"Go Ahead, Brother": Organized crime, shirtless hunks, a lot about fiduciary investments, and Michel Filipiak. With bonus Polish d*cks

  

I was interested in Michal Filipiak, the Fat Thug in The Hooligan, so I checked his projects available in the U.S., and found Go Ahead, Brother (2024), a "thriller" tv series which as an added bonus has some very muscular guys.

Scene 1: Night. Soldiers with guns drawn approach a middle-class home. They enter and find the drug lab.  

Cut to Oskar (Piotr Witkowski, left) trying to explain to his superior what happened that night.  He was supposed to be guarding Sokol, but he let his guard down, and his partner died.  

"There was a high-pitched hum...the room was spinning...I blacked out."

The superior officer doesn't believe him: "You ran away, you cowardly little p*ssy!"

This angers Oskar. who attacks his superior officer and almost kills him, before other soldiers rush in to pull him away.  His military career is over.

Scene 2: Oskar a at home, smoking a cigarette and being morose, when his Dad comes in.  He asks how much Dad lost (at gambling) tonight, but actually he won some.  It doesn't matter: he lost his job, so he can't support Dad's habit anymore, or pay off the creditors: "You're a cancer.  You've ruined my life."  I'd say attacking your superior officer did that.

"What should I do, then?  Kill myself?"

Scene 3: Cut to Oskar's room, with close-ups of a drawing of Oskar and Daddy, his military friends, and a lot of weapon parts.  Oskar gets up, starts to exercise, but remembers his dead friend and stops. 

He goes downstairs, but Dad isn't around, and his cell phone is broken!  He rushes down to the garage, where 

Dad is sitting in the running car, trying to die of carbon  monoxide poisoning.  Oskar rips off his shirt, rushes him outside, and performs CPR while screaming. 

The police arrive, along with Marta, a middle-aged blond woman with a man's haircut.  "This time he was serious," she says as she hugs another guy Sister?  Mother? Ex-Wife? 

More after the break

Sweethearts: Thanksgiving romcom proving that there's gay life and cocks in rural Ohio, so don't move to New York

 

Sweethearts, on MAX, is a rare Thanksgiving romcom about two best friends who are going to the same college but distance-dating their life partners: Ben is with Claire, still in high school.

Ben is played by Nico Hiraga, left, a former semi-pro skateboarder from San Francisco. He has appeared in Booksmart, Love in Taipei, Goodrich, and The Power.

His best friend Jamie, a girl (Kiernan Shipka), is with Simon (Charlie Hall, left), who is dumb as a fence post but got into Harvard on a football scholarship.  Say what? 

 The long distance relationships  aren't working out, so the two make a plan to break up with their partners when they all go home for Thanksgiving.  

Left: Simon butt

Obviously they're going to get together or it wouldn't be a romcom.  I'm fast forwarding through their scenes to get to Palmer (Caleb Hearon), the flamboyantly feminine "third friend" pictured in the animated opening. He's probably the standard romcom gay best friend who facilitates the romance, but maybe he'll get a boyfriend of his own.

Correction: I'm also interested in Ben's college roommate Tyler, played by Zach Zucker , a "Bad Bi Boy Clown" -- literally. He trained for two years at the Ecole Philippe Gaulier.  

On his Facebook page, Zach notes that "Bi Visibility Day is cool because it forces all of the people who have caused you pain by denying your existence to look at your butt and mask-covered dick pics."   Where's the mask covered dick pic, Zach?

His character is introduced smooching a girl in bed, but maybe he's bi:

He looks at Ben's fake id and comments: "I'll go out with you.  Just kidding."

Ben has his hands full, so he asks Tyler to take his cell phone from his pocket.  "Whoops, wrong phone.  Just kidding."  

He seems to be dancing with Ben in the closing party scene.

And that's just when  I paused the fast-forwarding.

Paris: "Third Friend" Parker is introduced at Minute 15, calling the duo, wearing a striped shirt and beret, sitting in front of an image of the Eiffel Tower.  He took a gap year after high school to move to Paris, and he is working at a fast-food place near Euro Disney.  Why would visitors to Euro Disney want to see fast-food workers in clichéd French costumes?  

He announces that he is no longer "vaguely pretending to be straight." Really?  Who would think you were straight after talking to you for 30 seconds? 

He'll be coming out to a select group of former classmates at a party at his house on the night before Thanksgiving.

More after the break, including a rural Ohio gay community and some dicks,  Caution: explicit.

"Run the Burbs": A queer daughter, a gay jerk, and the guy from "Kim's Convenience" naked

If you like chubby guys -- and who doesn't?  -- the Canadian sitcom Run the Burbs  provides more in 20 minutes than most tv series give you in three seasons.  Andrew Phung, best known as the comic-relief Kimchi on Kim's Convenience, plays Andrew Pham, a stay-at-home Dad with a wife who longs to leave her soul-destroying corporate job; a teenage daughter who crushes on girls; and a preteen son who, going against sitcom protocol, doesn't crush on girls.  That's a lot of representation, but I'm holding out for a gay male character.  Bob, played by "openly gay" Gavin Crawford, becomes a regular in Season 2, so I'm reviewing Episode 2.1, "In Phocus" Each episode title in Season 2 has a ph-  replacing an f: "Phamily Ties," "Phresh Start," "Phlash Back."

Scene 1: At some kind of community festival, two women walk past holding hands. Then we see Andrew, wife Camille, and preteen son Leo face-timing their daughter, who is in Paris.  Maybe written out of the show?

When they stop for ice cream, Camille has trouble deciding, and the racist behind her in line sneers that there's no chicken-butter flavor, "so pick a normal flavor or go back to your country."  Dude, look around you.  Almost everybody in that park is Black, Middle Eastern, or Asian, including the ice cream vendor!  You think you're going to get any Rocky Road that way?   

Camille lays him out with unheard profanity that has everyone covering their ears, then applauding.  Andrew brags that she is the "sexiest woman in the world." Well, that was a superheroic response to a microaggression.

Scene 2: Andrew is getting dressed to apply for a job as Rockridge's new Community Development Coordinator.  Meanwhile, Camille is starting a focus group for her new business, Cam Pham Eats, and preteen son Leo hangs out in his sister's bedroom because she's in Paris and can't stop him.  He gets a face-time from his buddy, who invites him to a dead skunk viewing.  

Scene 3: At City Hall, Andrew is told to kiss up to Robin, since she'll be deciding who is going to replace Bob, the retiring Community Development Coordinator.  He'll have a say, too.  "Got it -- make Robin and Bob fall in love with me." Bisexual joke.

Into the interview, with Bad Cop Robin "I hate everything about you!" and Good Cop Bob "You're perfect!" He offers to take them on a walking tour of the improvements he's planning.  Robin: "Absolutely not!" Bob: "I'm in!"

Scene 4: First stop: those little libraries where people get rid of their books. The problem is, they're full of erotics, so Andrew proposes adding an adult section. Robin: "That's a stupid idea!" Bob: "What a wonderful idea!"

Meanwhile, at home, Camille and her assistant have invited her friend who runs the Bubble Bae hangout, her neighbor Hudson (Jonathan Langdon, left) , and her Dad Ramesh, to a tasting session for her new catering business. Shouldn't you have strangers in a focus group?  

They don't like the logo: "Campham," one word, looks like "Camp Ham," and Dad is a conservative Muslim!  But they love the food.

Camille invites her preteen son Leo to be in the focus group, but he's busy: "Going to poke the skunk."  "Um...I don't think you're ready for that." She thinks he means sex, har har

Scene 5: The interview over, Good Cop Bob invites Adam to his office. We see a closeup of a framed photograph: he explains that they are his husband and two kids -- Tina and Turner, har har. After assuring him that "Bad Cop Robin loved you!" and "I like you!", he drops a bombshell: "You're not getting the job."

Say what?  

"I was so inspired by all of your creative ideas that I want to stay on and do more for the community."  People often fail to get the job because they're too good -- "He's a superstar -- he'll make me look bad."

"But don't you want to spend more time with your family?"

"No, I hate them.  The twins are into crypto, and Vance forces me to watch RuPaul's Drag Race.  Aren't families the worst?"  Uh-oh, Family Man Andrew roils.

Scene 6:  Andrew complains to administrative assistant Barb. "Grr...he never planned to retire at all.  He's just working the system, like he always does to avoid doing any work. We can fix this." 

Meanwhile, the focus group is still criticizing Camille's logo: "It should be more regal.  Can we use comic sans?  Put in a pakura."  When they leave, she is demolished.  

Back to administrative assistant Barb dishing with Andrew. The City needs Bob to retire: he never does any work and doesn't care about the community. She suggests that, since Andrew inspired him, he could un-inspire him!  

Scene 7: As Bob adjusts his bonsai tree, Andrew bursts in to thank him for saving him from "This Azkaban place, sucking out everyone's soul."  But Bob sees through the un-inspiring attempt. "Why would I retire when I can sit here for the next ten years, getting paid for doing nothing?"  

Andrew pleads: he needs this job to support his family.  Not a good argument for the family-hating Bob, dude.

Scene 8: That night, Andrew, Camille, and the preteen son Leo are in bed together, discussing how their days sucked. The kid just hangs out in his parents' bed?  That's creepy!  Camille asks about the skunk-poking.  He couldn't go through with it.  Still thinking that he means sex, they say that he can talk to them about anything.

After Leo goes to his own room to masturbate, Andrew points out that Phams never give up.  Tomorrow the son will try to "poke the skunk" again, Camille will work on her logo, and Andrew will find a way to handle Bob.

Scene 9: Andrew visits Bob at home, while he is working on his plants and refusing to help his husband with the dishes.  "My plans will improve the community more in a year than you did in 15 years!" he announces.

"Don't care. Robin is clueless, Barb is a loser, and you are not worth my time." Uh-oh, Andrew is recording him!  Now he'll have to retire or be fired!  

Nope, Robin doesn't care: "What Bob calls me at home is none of my business." And Andrew has no experience, so he won't be getting the job regardless.  Aww.

Meanwhile, Camille's friend tells her that the problems with the logo aren't really what's bothering her.  It's everything about the new job, and the threat of having to return to corporate.  "If I hear 'synergy' one more time..."  As an academic, I can relate. Four or five committee meetings per week, with an hour spent on "What is the goal of this committee?"  But the focus group loved your food.  Isn't your business about the food, not the logo?"  Camille is newly inspired.

Scene 10:  In bed, the two discussing how wonderful Camille's new business will be. But they only have savings for six months, so she'd better get busy. Geez, start the business on the side while working corporate, and if it takes off, you can quit.

Scene 11: Leo announces that he managed to poke the skunk.  Andrew and Camille discover that it was a real skunk!  He reeks!  The end.

Beefcake: Andrew takes his shirt off.

Other Sights: Generic suburb

Canada:  Like most Canadian sitcoms, they carefully avoid naming their country.  No Canadian flag outside City Hall; no one mentions Toronto; no maple leaves anywhere.

Heterosexism: No kissing.  Andrew and Camille hide under the covers to have sex. But at least when they think their son is having sex, they don't automatically assume that it's with a girl.

Gay Character: Bob becomes Andrew's foil when he wants to get something done, like a speed bump installed. I like that he's elderly, not a Cute Young Thing, and a jerk amid gay characters who are either over-the-top villains or impossibly noble.  Bot only six episodes, and the husband is not mentioned again?

My Grade: B

Phung penis after the break. Warning: explicit

The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we "won't like these dicks." Is that even possible? With chubby guy bonus.

Commenting on the frequent male nudity in the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, Edie Patterson said "We're not gay baiting" (using the term wrong), and Danny McBride (Jesse) claimed that gay men "won't like these dicks." 

Nonsense.  All dicks are beautiful. Big, small, thick, thin, micro, they all draw us toward the power and promise of the male body.  

And the rest of these guys ain't bad, either.

They are a group of thugs hired in Episode 1.3 to take down Eli by destroying his satellite church.  He gets the upper hand and humiliates them by forcing them to run naked through the shopping mall.  

1. Casey Hendershott (top photo), who has played a variety of mobsters, bouncers, rednecks, serial killers, and miscellaneous miscreants.  He didn't show us his junk, but his physique more than makes up for it.

2. Zach Osterman, a Savannah, Georgia-based actor who appeared on Danny McBride's previous show Vice Principals. He's an avid cosplayer, gamer, comic book fan, ghost-tour guide, and pizza expert.  Some people with his physique get fat-shamed and size-shamed, so it took a very positive self image for him to agree to bare it all for Gemstones viewers.  

It was worth it.  He's easily the cutest of the trio.

3. Justin Matthew Smith, who has 29 acting credits on the IMDB, plus a special thanks for the short The Runner.  Nothing wrong with his dick.

The Running of the Butts.  The guys and some extras are forced to run through the mall nude, as the shoppers all laugh at them.

Why is male nudity assumed humorous for the viewer and humiliating for the subject?  If I saw one of these guys running through the mall, I would not be laughing.

 

Bonus chubby guys after the break

Tropic Thunder: Danny McBride, a gay rapper, Jack Black's bulge, and a lot of wartime buddy-bonding

 

In Tropic Thunder (2008), some actors, their director, and a member of the crew are filming a movie about the daring rescue of a captured American soldier during the Vietnam War. They accidentally move off-set and out of Vietnam, into Laos --the territory of a heroin-trafficking drug cartel.  Except they still think they are filming a movie!  

They are:

1. Tugg Speedman (Ben Spiller), an action-adventure star who tried to move into drama with Simple Jack, about a mentally-disabled farm boy. It bombed, but it happens to be the drug cartel's favorite movie.

2. Rick Peck (Matthew McConaughey, left), his agent and gay-subtext best friend.  When Tugg is captured by the drug cartel, he rushes to the rescue.

3. Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black), famous for a series of movies about a family who farts.  If you like chub, he's got an extended scene tied up in his underwear (which displays quite a bulge).

Left: Jack Black's but

4. Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr., left and below), an Austalian superstar who always stays in character, playing a black soldier.

More after the break