Title: "To Grieve Like the Rest of Men Who Have No Hope," 1 Thessalonians 4.13. Paul is telling his followers not to grieve "like men who have no hope," since they will see their loved ones again in heaven.
Kelvin Screams: 2002. During a thunderstorm, an intruder breaks into the house, smashes a photo of Eli and Aimee-Leigh and some other memorabilia, and takes the gold-plated Bible from the Civil War. Close up of a destroyed framed magazine cover promising "Hot Gossip" and featuring Brendan Fraser.
The intruder continues into the playroom and smashes a photo of the siblings and Kelvin's army men. There's a muscle man in skimpy underwear, denoting that Kelvin is gay.He lifts up the bed to find a hiding 12-year old Kelvin, who screams. Notice the enclosed space. They will appear often in the episode, giving the viewer a sense of disquiet. The family is trapped.
Night Sweats: Kelvin awakens screaming from a nightmare. Keefe notes that his nocturnal terrors and night sweats are getting worse, and uses a towel to daub him, but Kelvin insists that it was just a nightmare, and goes back to sleep. I'm worried about the night sweats -- when I was living in West Hollywood, it was the first sign that you were HIV positive -- but surely they don't mean that Kelvin is sick.
Doing Stuff with the Devil, Part 1: Kelvin hates storms; it's like the Devil is peeing on you. Keefe agrees, with a amazing monologue about the Devil pouring down his piss on people, who think it's a wine cooler or kombucha, and drink it. He looks out into the storm and says "Your hot sorcery piss can't hurt us in here. Begone, Devil" but the Dark Lord is already inside: Keefe has a no-hands orgasm.
Doing Stuff with the Devil, Part 2: Looks like that devil is Lori. She finishes having sex with Eli in the bathroom -- another enclosed space -- and tells him "You're so bad!" She is tempting him to evil, like the serpent in the Garden of Eden.
Then they go out to a family picnic. We meet Lori's son Corey (Seann William Scott, top photo), who used to spend time with the siblings and thinks that their squabbling is hilarious, and his ditzy wife Jana (Arden Myrin).
Left: a parody Sean Playdude cover.
The scene seems to be mostly ad-libbed cinéma vérité, allowing us to see the Gemstones in a moments of joy before things go very wrong. Some takeaways:
1. No airport or shopping mall wanted to buy the Prayer Pods, so Jesse is humiliated.
2. Keefe says that on Gay Reddit, they're called "squirt yurts." This is the first time he has said "gay."
3. They make fun of Eli for being too old and uncool to attract women, but Lori defends him: "Looks pretty cool to me."
Later, the siblings and Corey see Eli and Lori together, and laugh at the idea that they could be involved.
Left: Michael Rooker, who appears in the cast list of the episode. We don't know who he is playing. Yet.
Left: the Groundskeeper's butt. Or at least the butt you get when you search for "Brian Sides" and "nude."
Bad news: Vance Simkins, one of the antagonists from Season 3, is back, opening a new church in a mini-mall right next to a Gemstone satellite church.
Chad suggests burning Vance's church down, but Jesse is trying to be a role model for Gideon, so he takes Martin's suggestion: the siblings could perform at the satellite church, to ensure that members don't defect.
More after the break
BJ Falls from the Sky: The male pole-dancing competitition. Nice bulge on the first performer.
In the locker room, Judy gives BJ a pep talk: "Eye of a tiger, dick of a horse." A guy with a horse dick walks by (below).
BJ begins his routine, but then falls on his head. Judy screams for an ambulance.
Is BJ Dead?: The family gathers at the hospital. Everyone wonders why Eli and Lori arrived at the same time, suspecting that the two are having s*x. Maybe focus on the crisis?
A doctor appears and tells Judy "I'm very sorry." Ulp.
No, BJ isn't dead, but he's paralyzed, and will have to use a wheelchair. Judy cries. "What are we going to do?"
Tim Baltz's stunt double Ryan Mooney and his little friend.
How Many Gay Gemstones? Cut to the Cape and Pistol headquarters, where a minister congratulates Jesse on his brother being nominated for Top Christ Following Man of the Year. Rival megachurch pastor Vance Simkins (Stephen Dorff, top photo), one of the Season 3 antagonists, has also been nominated, and complains: "I guess your homosexual brother is the one with the juice nowadays."
This doesn't upset Jesse, so Vance tries again. "I heard your brother-in-law fell out of the sky...Word on the street is that he was stripping..how many homosexuals does that make in your family now?"
"Two," Jesse answers. "The same number of dead parents in your family."
Wait -- he can't be agreeing that BJ is gay, so who is the second "homosexual"? Keefe? But he and Kelvin aren't married.
Gideon? Remember, Aimee-Leigh admitted Scotty to the family after his death, and Gideon hasn't expressed any interest in anyone since. Maybe he's still in mourning.
Vance tries again: "You're losing in our rivalry due to your poor character." You're not exactly a saint yourself, Vance Baby. His churches have turned into bathrooms, "with that filth your brother's been preaching. It's what your church is becoming known for. Does that bother you?"
More after the break
The Nomination: Kelvin and Keefe with the Prism group, waiting for the tv announcement of the Christ Following Man of the Year nominees. He instructs his followers to pretend to be surprised.
Jesse is Depressed: Jesse and Martin outside the Salvation Center, watching the prayer pods from his failed evangelization idea get shipped out. Martin consoles him: "Just because your brother is doing great things, you shouldn't feel bad."
But Jesse does feel bad. He goes into the warehouse and tries unsuccessfully to pray.
Meanwhile, Judy takes BJ from the hospital, and yells at passersby because she thinks they are making fun of him. She hasn't been instructed in transporting techniques?
The Horror Show: Family dinner at Jason's Steak House, except now it's a round table, so no one is at the head, and there's only room for the Gemstones and Milsaps, not the dozen or so outsiders invited in earlier seasons. Jesse's children are not present.
Kelvin is Doomed: Kelvin and Keefe inspect the treehouse. When he was a kid, whenever Judy and Jesse were mean to him, he would come here and feel safe. But now he knows that there's no safe place. Anything can happen at any moment, like when God killed his mother.
Gulp. This is more stressful than the Season 3 breakup.
O, that this too, too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Turning Your Back on Family: The siblings arrive at the satellite church across from Vance Simkin's mini-mall church. They're treated like celebrities, which of course they are.
Jesse begins his sermon, attempting to keep the congregants from defecting by pushing commitment, which will lead us to the Kingdom of Heaven, where we will be reunited with everyone we have loved and lost (like Aimee-Leigh). When you join a Gemstone church, you're family, and "The Gemstones never turn their back on family."
Cut to Eli at the Aimee Leigh statue in the garden. He turns his back on her and goes to find Lori.
Cut to the Holy of Holies, a room full of Aimee-Leigh memorabilia. Looking sinister, Lori invades the space and puts on Aimee-Leigh's glasses. Uh-oh, she's going to go psycho. There's something rotten in the state of Gemstone.
And someone throws a bottle bomb into the Simkins church. It goes up in flames.
The world is getting darker and darker, with portents of doom everywhere. And notice all the enclosed spaces: Young Kelvin hiding under the table, the bathroom, the circling ministers, the walk-in-freezer. The Gemstones are trapped. Especially the young Prince.
Left: John Austin Robertson as Hamlet in an all-male, all-n*de production.
See also: Zac Efron's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: N*de photos of Adam Devine's bromantic partner
Stephen Dorff: Queer characters and d*cks
Seann William Scott: From homophobic to gay-positive roles, with some bulges and butts
Gideon moves out of the friend zone: A Gideon/ Keefe romance
Shane Michael Parker: Soldier, stunt cock, wolf fan, BDSM performer
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