Benjamin Ainsworth is possessed, kidnaps Dream, dances with a drag queen, rides a dragon. Plus his nose grows. With Champion and Elf cocks.

 

Benjamin Ainsworth (the one with the handbag) was born  in  Nottingham in 2008, and later moved to Lund, near Hull in Yorkshire.  He scored his first professional acting job in 2016, in the musical Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the Norwegian Epic Cruise Line, six weeks in the Mediterranean and then six more in the Caribbean.  He played Benjy, son of the drag queen Tick. who sings "Say a Little Prayer/Always on My Mind."  

The same year he was cast as "a cheeky schoolboy" in an episode of the soap Emmerdale.

His next major role was the troubled boy Miles in The Haunting of Bly Manor, loosely based on Henry James' The Turn of the Screw, with the two troubled children and ghosts bedeviling the nanny.  I stopped watching in the first episode after a particularly nasty trigger (hint: "does the dog die?"), but according to a review there's a lesbian romance "drowned in sad and tired tropes" like Bury Your Gays. Yuck.

Left: Oliver Jackson-Cohen as Peter Quint, who is possessing Miles and forcing him to do bad things.

In  the first season of The Sandman (2022), Roderick Burgess captures the Dream of the Endless and imprisons him naked in a glass jar.  His son Alex (Ben as a boy, Laurie Kyaston as a young adult) has many opportunities to free him, but refuses, worrying that Dream will harm him or his boyfreind (Christopher Colquehon).  

So far one gay and two gay-adjacent roles.  Good job, buddy. 

There have been dozens of movies based on Pinocchio, the 1883 novel by Carlo Colladi. The 2022 version, with Ben as the puppet boy, Tom Hanks as Gepetto, and Joseph Gordon Levitt (left) as Jiminy Crickett, is supposedly a live-action remake of the classic 1940 animated movie, with a lot of queer codes.  But in some versions Pinoke gets a girlfriend, so I wouldn't be surprised if he is changed into a real boy through a glimpse of the Girl of His Dreams.  

The IMDB description of Son of a Critch (2022-26) tells us that "Mark is 11 going on 70," and "tries to make connections with the small group of people in his limited world."  Sounds like he's got that syndrome where you grow old as a child, or maybe he's aging backward, but it's a misdirection: Mark (Benji Boy) is just smart, and his "limited world" is Newfoundland in the 1980s.  He's heterosexual; no gay people are mentioned in the series.   

Ben is posing here with the real-life Mark Critch, who plays his dad, and Colto Gobbo, who plays his older brother.

Everything is Going to Be Great (2025) covers a year in the life of the Smart Family, as they negotiate "over-sized dreams, identity, ghosts, and regional theater."  Trigger alert: this is advertised as a comedy, but Dad (Bryan Cranston of Malcolm in the Middle) dies halfway through.  

He leaves two sons, the athletic Derrick (Jack Champion), who has a girlfriend, and Lester (Ben), who wears flashy outfits, aspires to a career in musical theater, and has conversations with the ghost of gay playwright Noel Coward. Those are sizeable queer codes.  Google AI says that he's "openly gay," but according to the plot synopsis, he gets a girlfriend. 

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Daniel Quinn Toye: The Scottish Boy Toye queerbaits "Heated Rivalry," plays gay-adjacent roles, posts photos while...you know

 I started watching Sterling Point due to an interview where Daniel Quinn Toye said that his Rory and Ellis (Jacob Whiteduck-Lavoie) have a Heated Rivalry-type relationship. Turns out that he was using the term as a cliché: the guys are both straight, competing for the affection of focus character Annie.  Was he deliberately queerbaiting, or so out of touch with queer culture that he had never heard of the gay hockey player show?  To find out, I checked the guy's social media, and found some interesting posts.

First his biography: The Boy Toye grew up near Glasgow, where he attended the Dance School of Scotland.  After graduation, he enrolled at LAMBDA (don't get excited -- it's not the gay symbol, it stands for the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts).  

While at LAMBDA, he appeared in Alice (in Wonderland), The Angry Brigade, Measure for Measure, Three Sisters, A View from the Bridge, and The Trojan Women.

He received a B.A. (Honors) in 2024, and was immediately cast in a "minimalist, modern" version of Romeo and Juliet on the West End (May-August 2024), with Tom Holland as Romeo.  The Instagram page has a graphic with R&J superimposed on a Pride Flag, so there must be some queer content, maybe in the Romeo-Mercutio relationship.  But Daniel plays Paris, the wealthy nobleman betrothed to Juliet.  He and Romeo fight, and he is killed. Sounds like the straightest of the crew.

In 2026, Daniel got a photo shoot in the British Vogue, and three on-screen roles:

Sunny Dancer: Cancer survivor Ivy is sent to a chemo summer camp, with many of the actors cast because they have real-life experience with cancer. She falls in love with Jake (Daniel).

 James Norton (left) and Neil Patrick Harris play counselors, and Ivy is played by Bella Ramsey from The Last of Us, who is nonbinary and "not 100% straight.  So there's some LGBTQ representation in the cast, even though the story is heteronormative.

Pressure, about the preparation for D-Day, June 6, 1944, when the Allies invaded Normandy, marking the beginning of the end of Nazi control of Europe.  No gay content.  Daniel plays Private Michael Gregory.

And Sterling Point, which has a lot of lesbian characters.

Two upcoming projects:

Cry to Heaven, based on the novel by Anne Rice. At age 15, Venetian nobleman Tonio Treschi (Nicholas Hoult, left) is castrated by his half-brother to ensure that he doesn't have any heirs.  He becomes a famous castrato (castrated opera singer), and seeks revenge.  In the original novel, he has romances with another castrato boy, Domenico (not in the cast list), and his mentor, Guido (Aaron Taylor-Johnson).   So there's LGBT content in the original, even if they straighten him for the movie. 

Daniel's character is not mentioned in the cast list.

Voltron, about the robots who combine into a bigger robot.  Daniel plays Keith, who pilots the head and torso (voiced by Neill Ross in the 1980s and 1990s series and Giles Panton in 2011). He's got a crush on Princess Allura.  

So Daniel has only played straight guys, but four of his six projects have some sort of LGBTQ content, subtexts, cast, or source material. 

Better than most actors. 

The Heated Rivalry reference after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Sterling Point: Queerbaiting, dark secrets, a guy with changing ages, a lot of lesbians, "Heated Rivalry," and some Canadian cocks.

 

When Amazon Prime recommended the 2026 tv series Sterling Point, I searched on its name and "gay," and got an interview where the two male stars, Jacob Whiteduck-Lavoie and Daniel Quinn Toye, said that they were having a Heated Rivalry-type romance.  That's enough for me: I'm in.  

Scene 1: A young woman awakens in her luxury apartment, vigorously scrubs herself while growling, and sits at the kitchen table with her laptop , looking angry.  Her roommate Connor (Keen Ruffalo) is in love again.  Could he be gay?  Nope, "what's her name?"  

She's stressed out because she's waiting to see if she got into the summer program at Wharton, the most prestigious business school in the world.  So you're a high schooler, and the dude is your brother?  I had you figured as a grown up.

"Forget college.  It's the summer before your senior year.  Spend it going buck wild."

Dad Steven pops in with bagels, and asks about Wharton.  She gets word: "No.  My dreams are shattered. It's the end of the life I've been imagining for myself."  Couldn't you, like, get into a good college even without the program? On TV they're always getting into Harvard.

We finally get the girl's name: Annie.

"Now you can have fun this summer," Brother Connor says.  "Why don't you go to Thailand with your 100% straight heterosexual boyfriend?"  

"I can't break up with him until he's ready to come out."  It's 2026.  Nobody comes out. Parents just say "Someday you'll meet the man or woman of your dreams."

Scene 2: Establishing shots of New York, and then Annie's Glee-era gay-stereotype boyfriend Oliver (Luke Avoleda) asks if she wants to watch Cynthia Erivo sing "Edelweiss" at the Kennedy Center.  You're super-femme, you live in New York, and you're not out?  Girl, everyone has known since you were in kindergarten.

"What am I going to do all summer, now that all of my dreams have been crushed?" Annie asks.

"I don't know.  Go on Anti-depressants?"

She suggests going to Thailand with him, but he doesn't like that idea.  No getting his gay on with a beard hanging around.

Annie tries to get him to come out, yet again, when Brother Connor bursts into the room: "Grandpa died -- but not the one we like.  Gordon, Mom's Dad, the one who was shady as fuck, and everybody hated him, so Mom and Dad cut him out of their life, and we've never met."

Scene 3:  Meeting with the lawyer.  Grandpa Gordon left Dad nothing.  The kids get a trust, which they can access when they turn 18, and property in Canada.  He also left them letters, but Dad snatches them up and won't let the kids read them.  Weird family history.  

Left: a professor from Toronto and his hookup.

Cut to Annie trying to sleep.  She looks at a photo of their Mom, who died when she was little (of course).  Why did she hate Grandpa?  Why is Dad so secretive?   

In the morning, she breaks into Dad's safe (never make your birthday your password), and finds dozens of letters -- Grandpa was writing to them all along.  

The one that came with his will: "I'm sorry I didn't fight harder to see you.  I shouldn't have agreed to the plan.  I hope Sterling Point will reveal the truth. Find her."  Obfuscation for its own sake.  Any normal person would reveal who she is.

Downstairs, Brother Connor is being fed and smooched by his girlfriend.  Gross -- I hate adults feeding each other, like they were babies.  She reveals the new intel.  "We have to go to Canada and investigate!"

"What for?  We're adopted, so he's not even our biological grandfather."  

"Ok, I'll go by myself, but cover for me.  Tell Dad I went to Thailand."  So Connor and the gay boyfriend won't be back?

Scene 4: On the plane, Annie pops an Ambien and asks for a blanket and a pillow, not realizing that the flight to Toronto is only 45 minutes long.  Didn't she look at a map?  

At the airport, drowzy, she meets Ellis (Jacob Whiteduck-Lavoie), who will be flying her to Muskoka, the island her grandpa owned.  He's the one in the Heated Rivalry romance.  She's afraid of the seaplane but the only other way to get there is by car, and it would take forever (the real Muskoka Lakes are just 2 1/2 hours from Toronto).

Scene 5:  Establishing shots of Muskoka Island.  Ellis notes that Grandpa Gordon, who owned the whole island, said that he would never rent this house, so it's weird to see Annie moving in.  Isn't she the new owner?

Next question: Nope, no stores on the island, so you have to take a boat to the mainland to get groceries. You could have stocked up before leaving Toronto.

Inside, the place is a mess.  Annie finds her mom's old room, and...a squatter! Nope, just squirrels bringing nuts in to store. 

Next stop: The Marina, where she has to rent a boat to get to the mainland.  She asks Joe the Boat Shop Guy (Negan from The Walking Dead) if he knew Gordon who owned the island.  "Yes.  He was great.  Everybody loved him."

"Did he have...um...family around?  A daughter maybe?"  Terrible sleuthing, girl.  

Problem: She doesn't have a driver's license (many New Yorkers don't bother, because why would you ever drive in the City?  It takes five times as long as walking).  Or a boater's license.  So she can't rent a boat, but his son will give her a lesson. How will that help?  She needs groceries now, and it will take a lot of lessons to get her license.

Wait -- the son isn't around, so the teenage Oona offers to teach her.  "Oona -- beautiful name for a beautiful girl!" Sounds like we got some lesbian representation. But Annie is straight.  Or was that why she was happy with a boyfriend who didn't want to do bedroom stuff -- she's not into guy parts. 

"But you're a terrible boat driver!"

"No, I'm not.  I can handle her," she counters, gazing at Annie.  I'll bet you can...

The lesson begins.  "You handle the tiller -- this thing that looks like a dick --  just like a hand job, except twist more."  Are you sure you're a lesbian, Oona?

She tries it, but they start spinning in circles, and she doesn't know how to stop.  Let go?

More after the break

Young Farts Trailer Parts: Hunky Ukrainian-Canadian brothers sell rv parts, with Jim the Stripper, a lot of gay hints, and the World's Biggest You-Know-What

  

When I saw Young Farts Trailer Parts on Amazon Prime,  I figured it was a spin-off of the Canadian series Trailer Park boys, but it's actually a reality show starring Dawson (left) and Jagger (right) Glowatsky, brothers from Vegreville, Alberta,who run an rv salvage business.  Why is rv salvage a tv series?

They started posting videos selling their products on Youtube and Tiktok.  Soon they were doing comedy stunts and challenges: 

Golfing off the roof of a rv

Playing rv chariot races

Playing Twister in a moving rv

A truck pulls off Dawson's clothes

The guys in underwear rolling on a mattress

They slap each other's butts.

Wait -- they roll around in underwear?

They show their bare butts?

Is it getting hot in here?

Jacob Tierney was a fan, and approached to ask if they wanted to do a reality show.

Wait -- Jacob Tierney, the producer of Heated Rivalry, one of the most popular gay-themed tv series of all time? 

And Letterkenny and Shoresy?

Jacob Tierney who owns the production company Accent Aiglu with his life partner Brendan Brady?  

Maybe there's more to these guys than meets the eye.

Scene 1: They introduce themselves and their schtick, and then the town of Vegreville, where "there's not a lot goin' on" (to quote Corner Gas).  It's flat.

Dawson has been gone for six days, having a baby (with his wife, I assume).   He explains: "We is who we is.  We smoke, we drink, we swear. We never had real jobs, and I dropped out of high school. That's what sets us apart.  We don't know what the fuck we're doing."

Scene 2: A tour of the warehouse.  They introduce Jim the Stripper, who asks "Where's my pole, boys?", although he's not that kind of stripper: he uses his impressive biceps to cut up rvs.

I got your pole right here, Stud.

Dory, the Inventory Manager, who posts the parts for sale online. She enjoys saying "Fuck you, Jim."

Shipping Manager Tressa.  She enjoys weed.

Mom Teresa, "the glue that holds it all together."

Dad Cam, whose coffee mug caught my attention.  There are three reasons why a guy might own a cup with a blond hunk in a speedo on it, but only one reason why he would be filmed for television holding it. 

Scene 3: Time for a team meeting: They're down 30% in sales from last year, and since they are a seasonal business (people don't buy rvs or parts in the winter), they have to hustle and make this summer count.

Their yard is almost empty, because Dawson, who is in charge of getting rvs to strip (for parts) or flip (for resale), has been busy having a baby.  So he'll have to step up to fill the yard.

Cut to Dawson making some phone calls. 

More after the break

Jacob Tierney: Former teen idol produces homophobic and gay-positive work, has a husband and two wives, but is not a sea monster.

 

As the younger generation says, "I was today years old" when I discovered that Jacob Tierney, producer of Heated Rivalry (2025), about gay hockey players, did not voice the gay sea monster in the Disney-Pixar Luca ( 2021).  That was Jacob Tremblay.  They're both gay, their names are almost identical, and I thougt that Luca came out in the 2010s, so it's an understandable mistake.

Correction: Tremblay (potential dick left) has played only girl-crazy since Luca, and there's no significant boy hugging on his social media.  He may be straight.

But I was sure that I remembered Jacob Tierney as a teen idol somewhere.

Turns out that I remember the other Jake from the creepy indie film Josh and S.A.M. (1993).  13-year old Josh (Jacob) is upset by "accusations" that he is gay, so he concocts a wild scheme to prove his straightness, including convincing his 7-year brother Sam (Noah Fleiss) that he is a cyborg.  How does having a cyborg brother make you straight? 

They go on a bizarre road trip similar to the one in Motorama, and meet The Girl (Martha Plimpton of The Goonies)

As a child star, Jacob appeared in many other Canadian movies and tv shows.  He was best known for playing 10-year old vampire hunter Max in Dracula: The Series; Greg in the teen soap Watatow; and the sarcastic Eric, who was cut after the first season of Are You Afraid of the Dark?

As a teenager he was best know for The Neon Bible (1995), based on the book by Confederacy of Dunces author John Kennedy Toole.  I thought that guy only wrote the one book, and his mom found it in his room after his death and had it published, to the protests of readers everywhere.

Back to Neon: Shy, awkward David (Jacob, Drake Bell), growing up in an awful Southern Gothic town, finds comfort in the visit of an eccentric aunt.   Critics called it "unrelentingly downbeat": "it starts off dark and gets darker."

In adulthood Jacob began writing, directing, producing, and often  starring in his own films.  He came out at some point, so we should expect some LGBT representation:

Dad (2002): After a year in Africa, Mark comes home to find his Mom schtupping his best friend (Jacob).   I guess we're not there yet.

Twist (2003): A queer (more queer) Oliver Twist set in contemporary Toronto, with Nick Stahl as Dodge (The Artful Dodger).  Here's the gay stuff, finally.

The Trotsky (2009): A Montreal high school student (Jay Baruchel) believes that he is the reincarnation of Trotsky.  He starts a revolution and kisses The Girl.  Wait, that's heterosexist...

Good Neighbors (2010): Three friends in Montreal, all straight, one a serial killer.  Hey....

He Hated Pigeons (2015): A man (Pedro Fontaine, left) drives from the north to the south end of Chile to keep a promise to a dead boyfriend.  Back to gay content.

Lovesick (2016): Dash (Jacob, left) is depressed over losing his ex-girlfriend, until he meets The New Girl.  The gay representation didn't last long.

Another Kind of Wedding (2017).  You think it's going to be about a gay wedding, but the title is just queerbaiting.  A man (Jacob) is about to get married, when his brother (Kevin Zegers), who happens to be the bride's ex-boyfriend, shows up to try to win her back.  

More after the break

Carter Ryan: Canadian soap boy likes farm equipment, works out, hugs Jaiven and other hot guys. WIth Carter and Kevin cocks.

The teen idol site has numerous photos of Carter Ryan, aka Carter Ryan Evancic and another guy, visible in the background of this photo, and elsewhere hugging, swimming, working out, hugging, and hugging.  Surely they're boyfriends.  But first, to make sure that Carter is actually an actor, I'm checking out his IMDB biography.

Whew, it's long and overblown with superlatives.  The greatest actor of our generation was born in 2006 to Dorlyn and Carol Evancic.  Don't get excited -- Dorlyn is just a guy with a girl's name.   His older sister inspired him to start acting at the age of eight months.  Really? 

At the age of eight, Carter booked the Lead in a Feature Film (Mom's capitalization, not mine), playing the son of "supermodel/actress Rachel Hunt" in Her Infidelity (2015).

Wait -- is Rachel the extremely famous actress, or the character?

She's the actress.  In Her Infidelity (2015), Rachel plays a bored housewife who has an affair with a hunky teacher (Grayson Chitty), but he turns out to be a psycho.  Presumably Carter plays her son.

 

Getting through the descriptions of Carter's wonderfulness is quite a slog. Here's another photo of Carter and his boyfriend to combat the boredom.  

After Her Infidelity, the great actor (according to his Mom) appeared in:

An episode of Impastor (2015) as Young Buddy.  The grown-up Buddy, on the run from a loan shark, steals a man's identity and takes over as the new gay pastor of a small-town church.  This may be a problem, since he's not really qualified to be a leader in the local gay community. Besides, he's got a tattoo of a naked lady on his hand. 

An episode of Travelers (2016), with Will and Grace star Eric McCormack playing a straight guy who sends his consciousness back in time.  Carter's character is not mentioned in the plot synopsis.

Two episodes of The Man in the High Castle (2015-16), a dystopian series where Germany won World War II. Carter plays the son of a lady dating American resistance fighter Joe Blake (Luke Kleintank).

Left: Rupert Everett as resistance fighter Frank Frink.

But Carter is best known as Cody Stanton in the Canadian soap When Calls the Heart (2015-19) and the spin-off When Hope Calls (2021).

The Hoping Heart or The Calling Hope or whatever is set in a small town in Alberta in the 1910s.  Cody is homeless and hungry until he is adopted by Abigal Stanton, who runs the local cafe. His plotlines involve dealing with his sister's illness, dealing with his own illness, having trouble at school, and gay-subtext buddy-bonding with Robert Wolfe (Jaiven Natt).

Hey, Jaiven is the boyfriend! 

Off-camera, Carter buddy-bonded with several male cast members.  Here he wishes happy birthday to Daniel Issing, whom I assumed was a father figure on the show. But the actor is Kevin McGarry, who plays town constable Nathan Grant, with no particular connection to Cody.  Apparently Carter just likes hunky guys.

And who the heck is Daniel Issing?    

More after the break

Sawyer Nicholson: A dimly lit chest shot leads to Kit Connor, Colby College, a croc monster, Wally's cock, and two nude Sawyers

In Batwoman Episode 3.1, two college students sneak into an indoor swimming pool at night. Derek takes off his shirt and pants and tries to kiss the girl, but she playfully tosses him into the water.  He's under there for a long time.  Suddenly he emerges, being tossed around by an unknown force.  The pool fills with blood.   Turns out that he has been eaten by a newly-created crocodile monster.  

The monster takes the girl back to its lair to eat later, giving her a huge amount of screen time and a Batwoman rescue, while Derek is on-screen for like ten seconds and never interacts with the main cast.   Apparently tv writers can't imagine that a man would ever need rescuing.  They must be strong, powerful, in control; only women get to be damsels in distress.  Even in a show that has to date featured two kickass lesbian superheroes.   

We don't even get a clear picture of Derek during his ten seconds.  This photo is as clear as I could get,  and still half in shadow, there's a brief face shot -- which makes him look like Kit Connor of Heartstopper -- and the tossing-about is too fast for a good look.  

It's like the director has to film a pool scene, so the croc monster can get them, but wants to obscure Derek's body as much as possible.  The Girl is sequestered in a brightly-lit sewer, with everything clearly on display.

Dang it!  To assuage my disappointment over the Derek erasure, I'm going to research the actor, Sawyer Nicholson.  

He has four acting credits listed on the IMDB:

"Child in Meadow" in The Last Mimzy (2007)

Derek in Batwoman (2021).

Huge Football Player in How to Win a Popularity Contest (2026): Elle and her archnemesis Nate team up to win back their exes, and end up in love with each other.

And Walters in two episodes of Off Campus (2026), with Hannah using a jock (Belmont Cameli, left) to make her crush jealous.  I couldn't find him in the two episodes, and he's not mentioned in any synopsis.

Sawyer seems to be pursuing a career as a stunt performer.  He has 14 stunt credits, mostly from 2025 and 2026, including Tron: Ares and Playdate (which has gay subtexts), and episodes of Black Mirror, Upload, The Last of Us, and Every Year After.

He stunt doubled for Luke (Lachlan Quarmby), an "arrogant" rookie constable, in the Canadian police procedural Allegiance (2024-26).

And Wally (Milo Manheim), the ghost of a 1980s jock, on School Spirits.  So we can assume that this is Sawyer's butt.

But it's the real Milo's j/o video.

Next I'll check Sawyer's social media.

Problem: There's a female Sawyer Nicholson, a very famous runner who gets 99% of the google results, even when my search string ends with -female -girl -lady absolutely -ladies, men  only.  Piecing between them for Sawyer Nicholson male actor men only,  I found no online resumes, no newspaper or magazine articles, and only three social media sites:

A Sawyer Nicholson Male Actor Men Only  on Facebook is from Brunswick, Maine, and graduated from Colby College in 2021.  The Batwoman episode was filmed in 2021 in Vancouver, quite a distance.  Besides, this Sawyer is currently  Operations Director for U.S. senator Angus King (Independent).  I doubt that he is doing much acting or stuntwork on the side.

More after the break

Off Campus: Hannah must choose between a hocky star with a nice butt and a bad boy with tats. Plus a gay bestie and fratboy cocks

Apparently the success of Heated Rivalry has started a trend. Producers thought, "Ok, viewers want to see more hockey players," not "viewers want to see more gay romance," so we're getting a lot of hockey player hetero romance.  I'm watching Off Campus (2026), on Amazon Prime, in spite of the annoying commercial breaks, in case there's a  gay character -- or some dicks.

Scene 1:Hockey Star Garrett (Belmont Cameli, left)  puts on his uniform, listens to "Dancing By Myself," and practices, while Hannah does janitorial work, listening to the same song.  

Finished, he takes off his shirt -- the tattoo says Nullum Gratuitum Prandium, "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch," which presumably will become important later.  He langorously showers.  Hannah, wearing headphones, can't hear the shower, and accidentally sees his backside -- and his front, when he turns around.  She hurriedly exits, grinnng.

Belmont states in an interview, "Obviously I'm being sexualized to some extent, but I never felt exploited." 

Scene 2:  90% of viewers tune in to see Cameli's butt (and hopefully cock), so they got it out of the way. Now we can get on to the plot.  At a hoity-toity university, the philosophy professor explains to the class that C means C, so 70% of the students got C+ or lower on their papers.  Hannah's gay bff Dexter (Miles Gutierrez-Riley, the boyfriend on Agatha All Along) complains that it's a jock class, so why should he bother?  Philosophy is a jock class?

Jock Beau (Khobe Maxwell, left, who played a gay guy in Cruel Intentions), looks at his grade and wonders if he can still drop the class.  His bro, Garrett from Scene 1, points out that they need it for their major, but not to worry, the coach will talk to the prof about "creative grading."  

When I was an undergrad, every student had to take a philosophy class.  I took "Modern Philosophy." assuming that it would be, like, modern.  Nope, it was about Kant, Hume, and Berkeley (pronounced Barkeley; that's the only thing I remember from the class).

BFF Dexter gawks at them: "Jocks -- so pretty, so entitled."

"Aren't you above stereotypes?"

"Girl, I'm beneath stereotypes."  He takes another look at  Beau.  "Maybe behind."  This will become important for shipping later.

Hannah got an A, but tells BFF Dexter that her grade was "not good."  Hockey Star Garrett looks over her shoulder and exclaims "You aced it!"  This angers Hannah, for some reason.  You forgot to complain that "He's arrogant!"

Scene 3: On the way out, BFF Dexter points out bad-boy music major Justin Kohl (Josh Heuston), Hannah's crush  Their third friend joins them and asked if Hannah has made a move yet.  "He doesn't know who I am.  Am I supposed to fling myself at him?"  "Yes!!!"

Hockey Star Garrett joins them.  After they criticize him for being rich and goodlooking, he tells Hannah that he's failing the class, and wants her help on the next assignment, n oral presentation.  "Nope." Why not?  Just because he's arrogant?  

"But you owe me for the sneak peek.  Tons of girls would have paid for that view."  What about guys, heteronormative jerk?

Scene 4: Hannah leaves them to bike across the campus of Briar University (actually the University of British Columbia).  She stops at Kaufman Center, where Professor Daveed (Brandon Scott, left), is conducting the student orchestra.  He glares at her for being late.

After class tells her that her scholarship for the year has been cut.  Not because she was late, because the government thinks that the fine arts are useless.

"But this is the third week of the semester!  My only hope of staying in school is to get another scholarship!" 

There aren't any other classical music composition scholarships, but what if she changes her major to performance?  Nope, she's a lousy clarinet player.  

So what about pop music composition?  Lots of scholarships there, given out at the Pop Music Showcase

"I can write pop music.  How hard can it be?"  Famous last words.

Scene 5: The frat house.  The guys, Tucker, Dean, and Logan (Jalen Thomas Brooks, Stephen Kalyn, left, Antonio Cipriano) are bickering as they prepare for the party tonight.  There are shirtless shots and discussions of cooking.  

Hockey Star Garrett comes in later, when the party is already going on.  Tucker is cooking "dippables."  Dean is kissing a girl.  Other party guests are playing video games and...chess?  I thought frat parties were all beer pong and nonconsensual bedroom stuff.  

They criticize Hockey Star Garrett's taste in music -- it's old-fashioned, from the 1990s. So he's a pop music fan.  Maybe he and Hannah can help each other.

Meanwhile, at Malone's, Bad Boy Justin and his band are performing, while Hannah, working the bar, appears to be having an orgasm while watching.  Her friend asks what she's going to compose for the Pop Showcase: "Taylor Swift or Lady Gaga?"

"I'm more Taylor."

"So be Taylor, and go talk to your crush, Bad Boy Justin."  

He's singing "A little less talking, a little more 'touch my body," which is basically what Olivia Newton John sang in "Physical," and Julie Andrews in My Fair Lady.

Never do I ever want to hear another word
There isn't one I haven't heard
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream
Say one more word and I'll scream

"Nope, I'm too scared." 

"Ok, then.  Everybody is going to the Block Party tomorrow.  You can talk to him then."  They have block parties at universities?

More after the break

Austin Lindsay: The casually naked roommate on "Overcompensating" has a BFA and a lot of depressing shorts. With bonus nude fratboys

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.