"The Golden Mean": A sci-fi disco ball, a lot of naked guys, a gay hookup, a murder, and a car wash. In Canada

I was browsing through one of the "nude celebrity" websites, when I came across this very nice butt shot of someone named Ryan Beill knocking on an apartment door.

It comes from a 2014 short called The Golden Mean, which is not available online, but there are three clips.

1. While they walk naked on the beach, Ryan tells his friend Taz Van Rassel -- the characters have the same names as the actors -- that he's obsessed with this guy: "I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think of anything else."

Taz suggests asking him for a date.

2. Naked, carrying a six-pack of beer, Ryan knocks on Kevin Lee's door.  Kevin is also naked; this must be their hookup.  

They discuss things I don't understand for a few moments.  Then Kevin gets up -- Ryan gives his crotch an appreciative gawk -- and asks if he wants another beer, or something to eat.

While Kevin is in the kitchen, Ryan installs a disco ball on his ceiling.  He returns and becomes irate, so Ryan attacks and kills him.

WTF? Killing your hookup over a disco ball?

We see Kevin's backside.

More after the break

"Kim's Convenience": Korean family runs a convenience store in a gay-free Toronto. With some nude guest stars

 

Kim's Convenience (2016-21) on Netflix, features a Korean-Canadian family running a convenience store in a diverse neighborhood of Toronto.  For a change, they don't try to hide it: there's a Canadian flag over the counter, and frequent references to Toronto landmarks.

It seems a bit retro: LGBT people don't exist except in the first episode, when the curmudgeonly, old-fashioned Mr. Kim (Paul Sun-Hyung Lee) refuses to allow a gay pride poster to be placed in his shop window, because why do gay people have to advertise themselves with a parade?  Koreans don't march down the street yelling "I'm Korean!"  If they're gay, why can't they be quiet, respectful gays?

I started to cringe, having heard this complaint a dozen times, even from gay people.  It is a standard homophobic misconception that Pride is about proclaiming that you have gay sex rather than celebrating survival in a hostile world.

 Accused of being homophobic, Mr. Kim backtracks by offering a 15% discount to gay people during Pride Week. Through the rest of the episode, he gets to decide who warrants the discount and who doesn't.

He tells Boy Toy (Alexander Nunez) "You're not gay, you're just pretending."  Boy Toy returns with a flamboyant friend as proof, but Mr. Kim merely asks him what his favorite movie was in college.  Caddyshack.  Straight.

But when a guy (Andy Yu) drops in to apply for a job, Mr. Kim offers him the discount.  He protests that he is straight, but Mr. Kim wink-winks "Sometimes it takes awhile for the gay to come out."

He does give the discount to a drag queen after a conversation about "Why you dress like a woman?"  She actually seems pleased by the question, and replies: "It feels comfortable.  It feels like home."

The episode was not exactly offensive, at least not offensive enough to turn off, but it made me uncomfortable.  It was like watching people talk about me behind my back.

No gay people appear again.  Evidently the gays were the problem of the week, and the show moved on:

A friend asks Mr. Kim to become a "wingman" on a double date.

A kid runs wild in the convenience store, and the mother refuses to discipline him.

Mr. Kim gets a crush on the new female pastor, and insists on not charging her for anything.

After the first few episodes, the convenience store was relegated to the B plot, while the primary plot involved the problems and relationships of the two Kim children:

Janet (Andrea Bang), a photography student at OCAD University, struggles to achieve independence by moving out, getting a job, and refusing to "marry a nice Korean Christian boy," to the consternation of her traditional parents.

Jung (Simu Liu, top photo), who hasn't talked to his father in years, apparently just so they can reconcile.  He works at a car rental company, where he has a crush on his female boss.  He doesn't appear to own a shirt.  The writers play up Jung's hunkiness deliberately, as a remedy to the countless sexless Asian characters in media.

Simu Liu has also appeared in the play Banana Boys, about the stereotypes Asian Canadian men face, and in the movies Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, One True Love, and Barbie.

Other male characters include:

Kimchee (Andrew Phung, center ), a clownish slob, Jung's roommate, coworker, and bromantic life partner.  

Gerald (Ben Beauchemin), their nerdish, self-depricating coworker, and eventually Janet's platonic roommate.

Terence (Michael Musi, left), another coworker at the car rental place, who Kimchee doesn't like.

Nude dudes after the break

"Run the Burbs": They're run by the Pham Phamily, with a queer daughter, a gay jerk, and a phine Phung penis

If you like chubby guys -- and who doesn't?  -- the Canadian sitcom Run the Burbs  provides more in 20 minutes than most tv series give you in three seasons.  Andrew Phung, best known as the comic-relief Kimchi on Kim's Convenience, plays Andrew Pham, a stay-at-home Dad with a wife who longs to leave her soul-destroying corporate job; a teenage daughter who crushes on girls; and a preteen son who, going against sitcom protocol, doesn't crush on girls.  That's a lot of representation, but I'm holding out for a gay male character.  Bob, played by "openly gay" Gavin Crawford, becomes a regular in Season 2, so I'm reviewing Episode 2.1, "In Phocus" Each episode title in Season 2 has a ph-  replacing an f: "Phamily Ties," "Phresh Start," "Phlash Back."

Scene 1: At some kind of community festival, two women walk past holding hands. Then we see Andrew, wife Camille, and preteen son Leo face-timing their daughter, who is in Paris.  Maybe written out of the show?

When they stop for ice cream, Camille has trouble deciding, and the racist behind her in line sneers that there's no chicken-butter flavor, "so pick a normal flavor or go back to your country."  Dude, look around you.  Almost everybody in that park is Black, Middle Eastern, or Asian, including the ice cream vendor!  You think you're going to get any Rocky Road that way?   

Camille lays him out with unheard profanity that has everyone covering their ears, then applauding.  Andrew brags that she is the "sexiest woman in the world." Well, that was a superheroic response to a microaggression.

Scene 2: Andrew is getting dressed to apply for a job as Rockridge's new Community Development Coordinator.  Meanwhile, Camille is starting a focus group for her new business, Cam Pham Eats, and preteen son Leo hangs out in his sister's bedroom because she's in Paris and can't stop him.  He gets a face-time from his buddy, who invites him to a dead skunk viewing.  

Scene 3: At City Hall, Andrew is told to kiss up to Robin, since she'll be deciding who is going to replace Bob, the retiring Community Development Coordinator.  He'll have a say, too.  "Got it -- make Robin and Bob fall in love with me." Bisexual joke.

Into the interview, with Bad Cop Robin "I hate everything about you!" and Good Cop Bob "You're perfect!" He offers to take them on a walking tour of the improvements he's planning.  Robin: "Absolutely not!" Bob: "I'm in!"

Scene 4: First stop: those little libraries where people get rid of their books. The problem is, they're full of erotics, so Andrew proposes adding an adult section. Robin: "That's a stupid idea!" Bob: "What a wonderful idea!"

Meanwhile, at home, Camille and her assistant have invited her friend who runs the Bubble Bae hangout, her neighbor Hudson (Jonathan Langdon, left) , and her Dad Ramesh, to a tasting session for her new catering business. Shouldn't you have strangers in a focus group?  

They don't like the logo: "Campham," one word, looks like "Camp Ham," and Dad is a conservative Muslim!  But they love the food.

Camille invites her preteen son Leo to be in the focus group, but he's busy: "Going to poke the skunk."  "Um...I don't think you're ready for that." She thinks he means sex, har har

Scene 5: The interview over, Good Cop Bob invites Adam to his office. We see a closeup of a framed photograph: he explains that they are his husband and two kids -- Tina and Turner, har har. After assuring him that "Bad Cop Robin loved you!" and "I like you!", he drops a bombshell: "You're not getting the job."

Say what?  

"I was so inspired by all of your creative ideas that I want to stay on and do more for the community."  People often fail to get the job because they're too good -- "He's a superstar -- he'll make me look bad."

"But don't you want to spend more time with your family?"

"No, I hate them.  The twins are into crypto, and Vance forces me to watch RuPaul's Drag Race.  Aren't families the worst?"  Uh-oh, Family Man Andrew roils.

Scene 6:  Andrew complains to administrative assistant Barb. "Grr...he never planned to retire at all.  He's just working the system, like he always does to avoid doing any work. We can fix this." 

Meanwhile, the focus group is still criticizing Camille's logo: "It should be more regal.  Can we use comic sans?  Put in a pakura."  When they leave, she is demolished.  

Back to administrative assistant Barb dishing with Andrew. The City needs Bob to retire: he never does any work and doesn't care about the community. She suggests that, since Andrew inspired him, he could un-inspire him!  

Scene 7: As Bob adjusts his bonsai tree, Andrew bursts in to thank him for saving him from "This Azkaban place, sucking out everyone's soul."  But Bob sees through the un-inspiring attempt. "Why would I retire when I can sit here for the next ten years, getting paid for doing nothing?"  

Andrew pleads: he needs this job to support his family.  Not a good argument for the family-hating Bob, dude.

Scene 8: That night, Andrew, Camille, and the preteen son Leo are in bed together, discussing how their days sucked. The kid just hangs out in his parents' bed?  That's creepy!  Camille asks about the skunk-poking.  He couldn't go through with it.  Still thinking that he means sex, they say that he can talk to them about anything.

After Leo goes to his own room to masturbate, Andrew points out that Phams never give up.  Tomorrow the son will try to "poke the skunk" again, Camille will work on her logo, and Andrew will find a way to handle Bob.

Scene 9: Andrew visits Bob at home, while he is working on his plants and refusing to help his husband with the dishes.  "My plans will improve the community more in a year than you did in 15 years!" he announces.

"Don't care. Robin is clueless, Barb is a loser, and you are not worth my time." Uh-oh, Andrew is recording him!  Now he'll have to retire or be fired!  

Nope, Robin doesn't care: "What Bob calls me at home is none of my business." And Andrew has no experience, so he won't be getting the job regardless.  Aww.

Meanwhile, Camille's friend tells her that the problems with the logo aren't really what's bothering her.  It's everything about the new job, and the threat of having to return to corporate.  "If I hear 'synergy' one more time..."  As an academic, I can relate. Four or five committee meetings per week, with an hour spent on "What is the goal of this committee?"  But the focus group loved your food.  Isn't your business about the food, not the logo?"  Camille is newly inspired.

Scene 10:  In bed, the two discussing how wonderful Camille's new business will be. But they only have savings for six months, so she'd better get busy. Geez, start the business on the side while working corporate, and if it takes off, you can quit.

Scene 11: Leo announces that he managed to poke the skunk.  Andrew and Camille discover that it was a real skunk!  He reeks!  The end.

Beefcake: Andrew takes his shirt off.

Other Sights: Generic suburb

Canada:  Like most Canadian sitcoms, they carefully avoid naming their country.  No Canadian flag outside City Hall; no one mentions Toronto; no maple leaves anywhere.

Heterosexism: No kissing.  Andrew and Camille hide under the covers to have sex. But at least when they think their son is having sex, they don't automatically assume that it's with a girl.

Gay Character: Bob becomes Andrew's foil when he wants to get something done, like a speed bump installed. I like that he's elderly, not a Cute Young Thing, and a jerk amid gay characters who are either over-the-top villains or impossibly noble.  Bot only six episodes, and the husband is not mentioned again?

My Grade: B

Phine Pfung penis after the break. Warning: explicit

LIttlekenny: A kid-sized version of "Letterkenny," with a gay kid, less homophobia, and some grown-up butts

 

Someone told me that Letterkenney, one of the numerous comedies about quirky small towns in Canada, was "quietly queer-friendly."  So I watched the first episode. Umm...it was about trying to get the central character Wayne to fight by saying that he was like a woman, or that he was gay, with more homophobic slurs per minute than a high school locker room after gym class.  Interestingly, one of the homophobes told his chums that he was, in fact, gay.  

The head homophobe said "We know, and we support you.  Now let's get back to implying that Wayne is gay to get him angry enough to fight."  That is way homophobic. Imagine if, instead of gay, they figured that the best way to get Wayne angry was to imply that he was Jewish. 

Other guys in the episode get gay or woman accusations for dating a "good Christian girl,"  for having his girlfriend stolen by another guy, and for using the Tindr heterosexual dating app. Definitely not "quietly queer."

So when Hulu dropped a kid's version, Littlekenney, I streamed it out of curiosity: kids are usually much more homophobic than adults, but six homophobic slurs per minute would be a tough record to break.  How low could they go?

It's not actually for kids, it just features child-versions of the characters.  There are only six episodes, each about two minutes long, and about a third is taken up by a "Mature" proviso and Hulu displaying the name Hulu over and over -- you don't notice how annoying it is until you see it every two minutes.  Half of the episodes don't have a plot: they consist of the boys reciting the problems of other kids at Letterkenny School, like getting in trouble for farting or eating paste.

Episode 1: Two boys recite some of the problems.  They promise that with 500 kids, there will be 500 problems, but we only hear eight or so. No homophobic content.

Episode 2: The teacher tries to mentor the mentally disabled Darryl.  Then two bullies harass him.  Next, she tries to mentor the surly outcast Wayne.  After school, the bullies harass Katy.  Wayne intervenes, and they all become friends. 

I think Wayne grows up to be the central character, played by Jared Keeso, who everyone is trying to force into fighting by calling him gay and a woman.

 

Bonus: Jared Keeso's butt.

Episode 3. More problems. Three involve being gay, or Dad trying to prevent you from "turning" gay:

"Your friend showed you his dick and said it was a mouse, and you said that was the only one-eyed mouse you ever saw."

"You and your friend touched tubes, and your Dad got real cross, but he got even meaner when Mom said he probably did that as a boy, too."

"You got campiest camper award at the Cub Scouts, and now Dad wants you to play football instead,"

More after the break

The Lake Episode 1.4: Sleazy mayorJerry O'Connell wants a three-way with Justin and his date. What's a gay guy to do?

 

I already reviewed the first episode of The Lake, a comedy about a gay guy who returns to the Lake where he spent summers during his childhood, with plots about bonding with the teenage daughter he never met and trying to save his grandfather's beloved cabin.  I want to review Episode 4 because: it features a gay three-way with 1990s heartthrob Jerry O'Connell

Scene 1: Everyone is cheering at the junior lifeguard trials. Justin (Jordan Gavaris, left) and his Daughter watch from a distance and make fun of them.  But they're only being slightly sarcastic today, because they have won a victory: the board voted against the Evil Maisy's scheme to renovate (that is, tear down) the cottage Justin visited in as a child -- he never actually lived there, but he is desperate to keep it the way it was, a sort of anchor to his past.  Most of the plot arcs involve Jason trying to keep the cottage out of Evil Maisy's clutches.  

Speak of the Devil: Evil Maisy drops by to introduce Jason to Gil the Thrill (Jerry O'Connell), who  is running for Mayor.  Gloating, Evil Maisy notes that the Mayor can re-classify the cottage as a farmhouse, which doesn't need Board approval to be...torn down!  

To make matter's worse, he's hot for Jason!  Dude, maybe you could convince him to not-reclassify the cottage by getting on your knees? No, not to beg.

Scene 2: By the way, Daughter's Crush (Jared Scott), who also happens to be Evil Maisy's son, won the lifeguard contest.  The first Chinese-Canadian Junior Lifeguard in Lake history!  He gets his sash and the keys to the legendary Boathouse while Mom, Dad, and his brother Opal (Declan Whaley) watch.  No, Opal is not trans, or nonbinary.  He's a femme gay boy.  

After the boys leave to hang out with Justin's Daughter, Evil Maisy and her Semi-Evil Husband (Terry Chen, left) discuss the evil scheme.  "Remember, Dear, this is Justin's fault.  He sabotaged my previous play to destroy his childhood memories, mwah-ha-ha, so, so stay frosty."

Scene 3: Justin is going through withdrawal from junk food due to Daughter's health consciousness, so he runs into the Tuck Shop, sneaks behind the counter, and grabs some chips. Manager Riley (Travis Nelson, below) appears. Beep! Gil the Thrill (mayoral candidate Jerry O'Connell) is contacing them both on Grindr.  Nice chest, and he's into three-ways, but he's in cahoots with Evil Maisy!  

Scene 4: Cut to Daughter and her Crush discussing the evil scheme.  Even though he's Evil Maisy's son, Crush wants to keep the cabin, for a reason too complicated (and gross) to explain. 

After Crush leaves, Scandinavian Hippie Ulrika comes in with a fish to be tested for herpes.  A big deal --if it tests positive, they have to close down the lake for weeks-- no boating, swimming, waterskiing, or construction.  Hmm -- Daughter has a idea.

Scene 5: Justin talks to Jayne, apparently his only Ally in the cabin plot.  She is upset because Daugher's Crush won Junior Lifeguard instead of her own daughters. "Grr...Evil Maisy and her family ruin every.  The next time I see hre, I'm going to tell her...."  Whoops, at that moment Gil the Thrill appears. "...how excited I am about her cook-out tonight.  I'm bringing crab cakes."

When she leaves, Gil gets down to business: is Justin into hooking up, or what?  "No way -- you're on Evil Maisy's team, trying to destroy my childhood memories!"  But, he says, he might change his mind about the issue while Justin is on his knees. Hey, that's sexual coercion! I know, I thought of it first. 

:"Thanks, but I have a date with Riley tonight." "Bring him along, and it's a done deal.  I'll stick it to Evil Maisy after I stick it to you."

More sticking after the break

Schitt's Creek: Quirky small town (in Canada, but don't tell anyone) has gay/bi guys and a lot of beefcake

In the Canadian sitcom Schitt's Creek (2015-20), video magnate Johnny Rose (SCTV alumnus Eugene Levy) loses his fortune to a shady business manager, and he and his former-actress wife Moira and adult children David and Alexis  are forced to move into a cheap hotel in the desolate small town of Schitt's Creek, where they try to adapt to such hardships as sharing a room and making their own beds.

They butt heads with many curious, eccentric, and passive-aggressive smiling-as-they-dump-on-you residents, like Mutt (Tim Rozon), the mayor's son, who lives in a barn and collects compost.

It reminds me a bit of Gilligan's Island, with the castaways trying to survive on a desert island, their plans to escape constantly falling through at the last moment.

Schitt's Creek is so small that it has only one hotel, restaurant, and "general store," and the same six people do everything.  But still, there's a lot going on, and the Roses throw themselves into town life, getting jobs, joining clubs, running for city council, dating -- a lot of dating.  David (Dan Levy) develops a friends-with-benefits relationship with a girl, Stevie (Emily Hampshire), who appears to be the hotel's only employee, and Alexis has a steady stream of boyfriends, like Mutt and  town veterinarian Ted (Dustin Milligan, left).

That's one of the things I like about Schitt's Creek -- it's overloaded with beefcake, hot guys in tight shirts -- or out of tight shirts -- everywhere you look.

The other thing I like is the writing.  The dialogue is witty, sardonic without being bitter.  There is no us vs. them, normal v. hicks or normal v. snobs.  Everyone has foibles, but almost everyone comes across as likeable.



What I don't like is:

1. David states that he is pansexual, and he is played by Dan Levy, who is gay, yet his relationships are exclusively heterosexual until the third season, when his ex-boyfriend Sebastian (Francois Arnaud) rolls into town. 

 Later he and Stevie get into a three-way relationship with Jake (Steve Lund, left).  

More bi/pan after the break