Montgomery Brothers Manscaping: "If you've got a dick, we're on it."

 

Montgomery Brothers Manscaping

For all your manscaping needs

Beards, pits, pecs, pubes

"If you've got a dick, we're on it."

Karl Montgomery is not only an owner, he's a customer.

No job too big or too small.

Need your chest chiseled for the beach?

More after the break

"Love Lies Bleeding": Lesbian neo-noir in the New Mexico desert, with some musclemen and bonus dicks

 

Friday's Movie Night movie was Love Lies Bleeding (2024), about a lesbian couple involved with bodybuilding, gun-running, and murder. I was not happy with the choice, thinking that it would be constant breasts and other body parts, but the sex scenes are actually quite subdued: a flash of breast in the first, fully clothed in the second.  And there are two scenes with beefcake.

The story: In a New Mexico desert community that seems to be all desert, no community, Lou runs a run-down gym, then goes home to her horrible apartment to feed her cat and be depressed.

Meanwhile, homeless bodybuilder Jackie -- wait, how can you work out six hours a day and eat 5,000 calories while homeless?  -- has sex with JJ (Dave Franco) to score a job as a waitress at main local business, a shooting range which is also a front for a drug-and-gun smuggling operation.

Left: Dave Franco's butt

Depressed Lou visits her relatives so she can be a tad less depressed.  Surprise: JJ is her brother!  He was cheating on his wife earlier!  Casting stupidity: Lou and JJ look exactly alike, but he is actually her brother in law, and the woman playing her sister looks absolutely nothing like her.

Next, Bodybuilder Jackie wanders into Depressed Lou's gym.  They bond over clobbering some sexist jerks played by Keith Jardin, left, and Jerry G. Angelo, below.  Lou has a side gig selling illegal steroids to gym members; she gives Jackie some for free because, you know, she's cute.  Soon they're kissing, then sexing, and then Lou invites this random hookup to move in.  Not smart, girlfriend.

Although this is small-town New Mexico in 1989, the lesbian couple is accepted with utter nonchalance.  I imagine if it was two guys, the townsfolk would horrified.

The only problem: Depressed Lou's employee, the ditzy comic-relief Daisy, has a crush on her, and is jealous of this new person in her life.  This will become important later.

Oh, wait, I forgot the other problem: when Depressed Lou brings Bodybuilder Jackie to meet the family, and it comes out that Jackie had sex with her brother-in-law JJ, she recoils in disgust.  First, she doesn't believe that "bisexual" is a thing; either you like girls, or you like boys.  Second, why JJ?  He's an abusive jerk.  Lou often wants to kill him.  Uh-oh, don't tell your bodybuilder-girlfriend with a sketchy past that you want to kill someone.

More after the break

A date with Kris (who may not be Jeremy Renner's boyfriend) leads to Christopher Atkins' dick

When I was living in West Hollywood in the mid-1990s, my friend Infinite Chazz began dating Kris, a 19-year old baby-faced ginger boy who had been in Los Angeles less than a year, but had already been in some movies and tv shows.

I'm not implying that he was Kristoffer Winters, who would go on to play Zilbor in Dude, Where's My Car (2000) and Clayton Gallagher in Shameless (2011-2012), and who is reputedly the boyfriend of  Jeremy Renner.

This Kris, whoever he was, soon broke up with Infinite Chazz, but we all stayed friends, as one does in gay communities. 

Kris had just landed his first starring role, in what turned out to be a very bad Smokey and the Bandits rip-off called Smoke n Lightnin, about two auto mechanics named, naturally, Smoke and Lightnin (no g), who get involved in a caper involving car chases and girls.

"It's not exactly King Lear," he admitted, "But it could lead to bigger things.  And you'll never guess who my costar is -- Christopher Atkins!  I had such a crush on him when I was a kid!"

We all had a crush on Christopher Atkins when he played a boy growing up on a desert island in The Blue Lagoon (1980) -- a thoroughly heterosexist movie famous for several nude frontal shots of the tanned young actor.

More movies with frontal nudity followed, notably A Night in Heaven (1983), about a male stripper, plus a story arc on Dallas (1983-84).

Christopher's star had waned a bit -- now he appeared mostly in sleazy, low-budget productions like Mortuary Academy and Bandit Goes Country. -- and Smoke and Lightnin.  But what actor wouldn't jump at the chance to work with such an iconic star?

And maybe get a glimpse of the most famous penis of the decade.

It was a low budget movie -- three weeks of shooting at a real auto repair shop in the San Fernando Valley and a house in Mission Viejo, and then off to Florida for two weeks of shooting the Miami locations and car-chase stunts.

One day Kris invited me out to lunch, and to meet Christopher.  I was sort of disappointed -- I didn't expect the lithe, tanned teenager of Blue Lagoon, but the cragginess, long hair, and moustache was a bit too redneck.  If I saw Christopher walking toward me on a dark street, I'd be worried about a gay-bashing.

But he turned out to be very friendly, very gay-positive.  He knew about Infinite Chazz -- even about the nickname "Infinite" -- and asked about the date of Christopher Street West, our Pride Festival, as if he intended to come.

More after the break

Leif Garrett: Nude photos of the teen idol who out-swished Liberace in the glam 1970s.

Every gay boy in the late 1970s knew teen idol Leif Garrett, whose two albums, Leif Garrett and Feel the Need, were getting gushing reviews in the teen magazines: the greatest singer who ever lived!  And the cutest boy in the universe!

Or not.  He was way too swishy, even in that era of androgyny, to be an object of homoerotic desire.  But they followed him anyway, because he was the first gay person they had ever seen on stage.  Maybe they weren't doomed to sad, lonely lives in the closet after all.

Of course, he wasn't openly gay. The teen magazines tried to push his macho interests, like skateboarding and cars, and interviewed him incessantly about what kind of girls he liked.  But come on.

 

The penis you're looking at is called a club-bulge, an effect created by a combination of very tight pants and shoving a rolled-up sock down there.  It was a standard accessory for every actor at the time, and still in use in gay clubs.  Leif's is actually understated; you should see what Shawn Cassidy was wearing. 

I'm just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania.

Explicit photos after the break

Lee Doud: "I'm Fine," random nude dudes, and anti-Asian prejudice in the gay community

 Lee Doud starred in the Doku series I'm Fine, about some twenty-ish friends looking for love in West Hollywood. I lived in West Hollywood for twelve years, sigh.

He also appeared in Good Trouble, Lucifer, and SWAT, and wrote/produced the documentary series OUTLOUD: Raising Voices   

In 2018, Lee  published The Gay Community's Fear and Loathing of Asian Men Must End" in The Advocate, about his experience as a mixed-race Asian/white guy in Hollywood ("you'll get more roles if you downplay the Asian part) and in the gay community ("So, which half of you is white, har har")..  Guys think that he is Hispanic, and actually lose interest when he tells them that he is part-Asian.  Hookup app profiles regularly say "No Asians.  Not racist, just a preference."

Um...it's a preference because they think that all Asian men have traits that they find undesirable, like being femme,anal bottoms, or having small dicks.  On the flip side, some guys like those traits, and fetishize Asian men. That's the definition of racism.

So let's take a look at some photos that highlight Lee's physique.  

Morning mimosas

Halloween at the Pailhouse.  I miss West Hollywood.

Working out on a pole.

More Lee after the break

"The Deuce": The top ten penises of the mafiosi, porn stars, and gay activists in 1970s New York

 

Tbe Deuce stars James Franco as Vincent and Frankie Marino, twin brothers who run a Mafia front in New York City during the 1970s. There's an adult film studio nearby, which means a lot of naked guys.  Usually while they're having sex with women, but still, a dick is a dick.  Here are the top 10 contenders.

1. Gbinga Akinagbe as a pimp turned actor.

2. John Paul Harkin as an adult film performer. 

3.  Jarrod Goolsby as a Viking in an adult film.

4. Gary Carr as a bad-guy pimp.

5. Chris Coy as the owner of a gay club.

More after the break.  Caution: it gets explicit, sort of.

Bug Hall: A lot of movies no one has seen, some homophobic rants, and an enormous penis

 I'm always conflicted about posting nude pictures of homophobic actors. There's a little frisson of guilt that comes from looking at the penis of someone who hates you, as if you are somehow encouraging him. On the other hand, imagine how upset he would be to find himself the object of homoerotic desire.

And, to be fair, it is huge.

In this case, I'm talking about Bug Hall, who hit the big screen in 1994. at the age of eight.  He played Alfalfa in The Little Rascals, a modernized version of the Our Gang comedy shorts of the 1930s.  Having already seen some of the shorts -- no, not in the 1930s -- I didn't watch, but I heard that Alfalfa falls in love with a girl.  At age eight.

The original Alfalfa, Carl Switzer, had a hard life after Our Gang, and was killed in a bar fight in 1959, at age 31. 

Bug Hall had a hard life after The Little Rascals, too. Far less successful kid movies followed: The Big Green, The Stupids, and The Munsters' Scary Little Christmas. I don't think anybody saw them.

He sprang into a heteronormative adolescence with Skipped Parts, 2000, about having sex with a girl.  I didn't see it, but there's a clip floating around the internet where the 14-year old is getting undressed in preparation for the sex, and becomes aroused.  I can't tell if it was scripted, or an accident.  Either way, you don't want to see it. 

More heteronormativity with Get a Clue, 2002, about two high school journalists who solve a mystery and fall in love.  I didn't see it, but I like the theme song, "Get a Clue," performed by Simon and Milo, an animated gay-subtext couple.

Get a clue, there's nothing you can't do.

Nothing's ever quite what it seems

Just look a little closer at me

Wake up, who knew, it's me, it's you, get a clue.

More sex in Footsteps and Arizona Summer, which I didn't see, and then a fizzing out into guest spots on tv dramas: Strong Medicine, Charmed, Cold Case, The O.C.

Bug runs away naked in The Day the Earth Stopped, 2008: "Hundreds of massive intergalactic robots appear in all of the world's major capitals with an ultimatum: Prove the value of human civilization or be destroyed."  Holy cow, that sounds awful.

It features a man and a woman falling in love -- heterosexual romance is the value of human civilization, get it? 

At this point, you're probably wondering if I've actually seen Bug Hall in anything. I'm wondering about that, too. 

American Pie Presents the Book of Love. No.

Camoflauge: "A troubled teen-aged boy is sent to a boot camp in a secluded forest where he must survive the horrifying disciplinary tactics of a demented camp counselor."  No, and the blurb writer forgot the first rule of writing: minimal use of stupid, superfluous adjectives.

More Bug after the break