I don't know what to think about Josh Henderson's whitebread name, generic handsomeness, and mildly muscular physique. You can feel the privilege radiating out from his self-assured high-school jock smirk. I don't know if I want to kiss him or slap him.
Or tie him up. You know he'd make a good bondage bottom.
According to his IMDB biography, Josh was born in...ugh...Texas, and grew up in Oklahoma.
His career started shortly after he graduated from Tulsa Memorial High School in 2000, on the talent show Popstars. This gained him a record contract, but the company went bankrupt before his record could be released.
So it was on to guest spots on Maybe Its Me and Do Over, and a starring role in the second season of One on One (2002-03): A a sportscaster named Flex overprotects his teenage daughter, and disapproves of her relationship with the son of his hated rival. Guess who plays the son.
Leeches (2003) is one of David DeCoteau's "gay people don't exist, but here are some guys hugging in their underwear" movies. (They also get tied up and attacked by leeches.)
Josh's next major role was in Season 3 of Desperate Housewives (2006-07). He played Austin McCann, the bad boy nephew of Edie Britt. He moves in with his fun-loving aunt and starts a relationship with the girl-next-door Julie, but an affair with a neighbor leads to a breakup, and he leaves Wisteria Lane forever. But Julie isn't exactly chaste: she goes on to have an affair with a married man, and gets pregnant after a hookup with a friend (Charlie Carver, left).
More after the break
Josh's biggest deal was in the continuation of Dallas (2012-14), the 1980s wealth and sleaze soap opera. Larry Hagman returns as oil baron JR Ewing, and Patrick Duffy as rebellious bro Bobby. Josh plays his son John Ross Ewing, with plotlines about greed, corruption, and competing with his cousin Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) over The Girl.
The Arrangement (2017-18) sounds like it will finally give Josh a gay or gay-subtext role: An aspiring actress is offered $10 to marry Hollywood star Kyle (Josh), in a parallel of Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, and Scientology. To quote South Park, "Dad, Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet."
Josh is also a singer, with 22 songs released, mostly about girls.
His Instagram photos can be divided into four categories:
1. The Wife: Duck-lipping, kissing, kissing again, sticking his tongue out at her, hugging her, a selfie, kissing her again.
2. Jesus. Pictures of the crosses at Golgatha, the empty tomb, the exhortation that "He is Risen!"
3. Working out.
4. The dog: hugging, kissing, sleeping with, and walking.
I thought there might be a gay couple among the these four guys, but from lef to right, it's: "husband and father" Ricky M., Josh, his brother, and Wesley Is everyone in Josh's life deeply immersed into a heteronormative, cisgender bubble?
I thought there would be some nude photos of Josh out there somewhere, but I couldn't even find any fakes. Apparently his fundamentalism is getting in the way of nude scenes, or else he's shy about his less-than-bad boy size, so I just grabbed another Josh.
Want to see himtied up again?
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