Gemstones Episode 4.4: Gideon is gay, Pontius has four dicks, and Kelvin is scared. With Hamlet, some German guys, and Casper the Friendly Ghost

 

Title: "He Goeth Before You Into Galilee."  Matthew 28.7 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary see that the tomb of Jesus is empty.  An angel tells them to tell the disciples that he has risen from the dead, and "he goeth before you ointo Galilee."  

Left: Since the Nanny is German, I'm including a few German guys, this one from Ingolstadt.

Welcome to Galilee Gulch.  Baby Billy water-skiing naked, extensive shots of his dong and butt that made some viewers mad.  "Why we got to see that?  Why can't we see Amber's stuff? Every man on Earth, without exception, loves looking at breasts!"  Um...you've heard about gay men, right?  

Then the Gemstones and Milsaps arrive at Galilee Gulch, a huge "lake house" on Lake Marion, about an hour north of Charleston.  Coincidentally, the house where they filmed is owned by a gay couple. 

Pontius complains;  Gideon tells him to not disrespect the lake house, and makes him carry a bag.  He says "Get a life, you dork!"  Abraham agrees: "Such a little ass-kiss."  Abraham has only two lines this season, both about butts.  Got something on your mind, Buddy?

Some cute attendants, who aren't in the cast list, take care of the wheelchair-using BJ, who complains that the whole place is inaccessible.  He'll be constantly complaining about everything through the episode.

Keefe wants to go waterskiing naked, like Uncle Baby Billy, but Kelvin doesn't want to hang dong with his uncle.  Then he forces Keefe to carry the gigantic trunk full of shoes into the house.  That's no way to treat your partner, buddy.  At least he calls Keefe "Sweetheart."

Baby Billy's Breakup Plan: Uncle Baby Billy disapproves of the Eli-Lori relationship -- we aren't told why, but maybe he knows something from Lori's past -- and pushes the siblings into a plan to break them up. The siblings point out that they arranged this weekend retreat because the lake house is full of Aimee-Leigh's things, and will certainly cause Eli to feel guilty about "abandoning Mama."   Maybe they can push things along.

They tell the staff to leave Aimee-Leigh's clothes in Eli's bedroom.  Angry, he calls "the help" and has them all moved into Kelvin and Keefe's room.  

Kelvin is pretending to read the complete works of William Shakespeare.  Another clue that we're in the middle of Hamlet.

The New Nanny: Baby Billy is being nasty to his wife and children ("Get them out of here!"), and expresses his hatred for the butch Germanic nanny, Sola (Kirsten Schultze).  So why not fire her?

Gideon is Gay:  Friday dinner. Kelvin, Keefe, Abraham, and BJ are playing blackjack, the others sitting around a kitchen island.  Jesse gets jealous because Gideon is sitting next to Eli, and they shared a joke. 

 Jesse is treating Gideon as a romantic partner who is cheating on him.  That is not really happening, of course, but it is heavily implied that Gideon is gay, for the first time since Season 1.  There are queer codes about Pontius and Abraham, too.  It's starting to look like Jesse has three gay sons.

Corey apologizes for his reaction to Eli/Lori, and brings in 100 pounds of barbecued pork. 

Jesse's Breakup Plan: After dinner, Keefe goes swimming (distant beefcake shot), and the others hang out or play cornhole.  Corey thinks that Eli is good for his Mama, better than Big Dick Mitch at the Benz dealership, who she used to date, or is still dating -- he's not sure.  

Left: Muscle guy from Munich.

Jesse can use this!  He rushes over to Eli and Lori and brings up Big Dick Mitch in "casual conversation."  Eli gets upset and storms away.

Later, in the bedroom, Lori claims that she doesn't know where Jesse got that idea.  She only dated Mitch twice; they had no chemistry.  Then how does Corey know about the size of his dick?  They discuss whether to keep it casual, allow dating other people, or "go steady."  Go steady it is. 

Dress-Me-Ups: The staff has moved Aimee-Leigh's clothes into Kelvin and Keefe's bedroom!  Kelvin shoves them into a closet, and then joins Keefe to cuddle on the bed.  

Dig the matching pajamas, except Kelvin's have legs, and Keefe's end above the knee, so you can get to his crotch more easily.

Keefe is reading an obscure comic book called The Zero Patrol, from 1984. Only two issues were published.  The hero is telling someone named Dedalus that "The Princess is still mine."  Daedalus was Keefe's Satanist friend in Season 1; maybe we're looking at Keefe's attempt to protect Kelvin from the Darkness.  Or maybe the prop master just grabbed something that had a muscleman on the cover and wasn't Marvel or DC.

He sets the comic aside so they can watch Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), the scene where psycho-killer Jason is shown worshipping the mummified head of his dead mother.  A parallel to the siblings' worship of Aimee-Leigh.  Kelvin gets scared and buries his head into Keefe's crotch (dude, are you scared or horny?), but Keefe assures him that "she's just doing dress-me-ups." .

Like a Hallmark Movie:  Saturday morning.  The Nanny practices her kung-fu. Baby Billy berates her again.

Cut to a montage of everyone water-skiing, while BJ looks on, angry.

Later, the siblings discuss Lori and Eli again.  Amber thinks it's like a Hallmark movie: two old friends fall in love.  Jesse berates her and insults her knowledge of movies.  

So far Jesse, Judy, Baby Billy, and Corey have berated and yelled at their partners.  These relationships are doomed.

Kelvin's Breakup Plan:  The family gathers for a performance.  Keefe is waving at the stage with a toy dinosaur, a shot which appeared in the trailer, making fans think that he and Kelvin had kids.  No, he's waving at Kelvin.  Why is a 40-year old man holding a toy dinosaur?

In a parallel to the play "wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king" in Hamlet, the siblings sing -- badly --about how Mama is in the house, judging everyone, disapproving of the "betrayal." Eli storms off. Feeling guilty, Claudius?

More after the break

"Best Foot Forward": Boy negotiates middle school with a prosthetic leg, a hung dad, a bodybuilder brother, a gay buddy, and no annoying girl-craziness

 

We just dumped Peacock in favor of Apple Plus, so now we can watch Best Foot Forward (2022), based on childhood experiences of  "Paralympian, comedian, author, disability advocate, and Halloween enthusiast" Joshua Sundquist.  

Focus character Josh has been home schooled since he lost his left leg at age nine, but he finally convinces his parents to allow him to start seventh grade in public school.  He faces the standard junior high problems of friends, math tests, soccer practice, movie night, and school dances.

Josh is played by Logan Marmino, fifteen years old in 2025 and thinking about college.  Maybe Johns Hopkins?

He's an accomplished athlete, competing in Paralympics track and high school basketball and baseball.  Plus surfing and skateboarding. 

When showrunner Joshua Sundquist invited him to audition for Best Foot Forward, he had no acting experience, not even a school play.  And he doesn't really seem interested in an acting career -- he hasn't appeared in anything since. Sports and disability activism keep him busy.

While Josh is experiencing the joys and hassles of junior high, Dad and Mom (Stephen Schneider, left, Joy Suprano) have B plots of their own, like when they tried to order two pizzas, and accidentally ordered twenty. "Sometimes older people can't see the order screen very well," the delivery guy explains, to Mom's consternation.

Stephen Schneider may be best known for a five-minute long n*de fight scene in The Righteous Gemstones, but he has 37 acting credits on the IMDB, including three tv series reviewed here: You're the Worst, Broad City. and Nobody Wants This.

Josh's younger brother Matt (Roger Dale Floyd) mostly tries to help, or feels left out when Josh gets all of the attention.

Roger Dale Floyd, 13 years old in 2025, has appeared in The Walking Dead, Doctor Sleep, Greenland, and Stranger Things.  He is a junior bodybuilder, interested in promoting fitness among teens and tweens. 

In Greenland (2020), Roger and his Mom and Dad (Gerard Butler, left) must flee cross-country to safety after a comet-Apocalypse.  Whoops, they forgot to bring his insulin. 

Josh makes two friends, Kyle (Peyton Jackson, left) and Gabriella (Trinity Jo-Li Bliss).

More after the break.  Yes, I'm getting to the review.

The top 25 gay-coded, beefcake-heavy shows of the decade

I grew up in a working-class, Evangelical household where tv was the only permitted form of entertainment, so it was on all the time.  I still watch an hour or two almost every day, mostly to check for gay texts or subtexts.  That's a lot of tv programs.  Most fade into oblivion, but some are memorable due to their intriguing premises, interesting settings,  gay subtexts, or beefcake -- or all four.  These are the top 25 gay-coded, beefcake-heavy shows of the last decade, premiering 2016 to 2025.

2016

The Crown.  The life of Queen Elizabeth, with the glamour, glitz, and soap opera shenanigans of the royal family.  No gay characters, but future Doctor Who Matt Smith plays Prince Philip.

Kim's Convenience.  Korean-Canadian family in Toronto, with no gay characters after the first episode, but a lot of buddy-bonding and beefcake.

2017

Big Mouth.  Middle schoolers negotiate puberty, with the help of individually-assigned hormone monsters and other supernatural beings.  The gay guy eventually gets his own plotlines, coming out to his parents, dating the bi guy, and learning about sexting.

 Britannia.  Romans vs. Celts in 43 AD, with creepy Druids, some possible paranormal, muscular soldiers, and some gay subtexts.

2018

Disenchantment: A parody of Medieval fantasy. Disappointing in the first season: my review calls it "gay free."  But showrunners often postpone the queer characters: they think all viewers are homophobic, and will run away screaming unless they become invested in the show before the queer characters show up.  Later seasons become immensely gay-friendly.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. The teen witch of Archie comics with dark comedy plotlines, a same-sex romance, and a lot of hunk. ranging from Ross Lynch as regular boyfriend Harvey to Moses Thiessen as the pizza delivery guy.

2019

The Other Two.  A young teen achieves sudden fame, which disconcerts the Other Two, his sister and brother (who is gay). By the third season, they've all become successful, but there are still a lot of gay-romance plotlines and bare butts.

What We Do in the Shadows: Vampire roommates on Staten Island have more and more overtly gay plotlines as the series progresses. With out actor Harvey Guillén as their increasingly out assistant.

The Righteous Gemstones. An absurdly wealthy family of Southern televangelists negotiate threats.  I'm not sure I should include this one since, in retrospect, it was a little annoying.  Endless queer codes involving Gideon, Eli, and Pontius, with no resolution, just "crumbs."  And it took forever for Kelvin and Keefe to become canon.  They should have kissed at the end of Season 1.  

But I spent two years arguing about, researching, and posting about the show. And I found some cute gay actors...who haven't posted on social media since the series ended, grr.

2020

Solar Opposites.  Aliens crash-land on Earth, try to adjust to human life, become boyfriends and finally marry.  Plus a spin-off episode with Kieran Culkin and Skyler Gisondo in a strong gay subtext human-alien romance.

Panchayat.  Engineering grad Abhishek is talked into a civil service job in a remote village, where there are so many queer codes that I could swear they were deliberate.  And he doesn't meet The Girl!

More after the break

Elliott Fullam: Gay superfan, horror movie scream queen, big dick. But is a big dick and nice abs enough? With Charlie's chest and Mason's butt

 

Having finished School Spirits' nonsensical third season, we're running low on options for evening tv watching (my partner will only agree to watch the shows I review here if they get an A).  So we're rewatching The Other Two (2019-2023), about a boy (Case Walker, left) who achieves sudden fame as a pop singer named ChaseDreams, to the dismay of his older brother and sister, struggling actor Carey (Drew Tarver) and failed dancer Brooke.   

Left: Drew hooks up in the shower.

In Episode 1.10 (2019), ChaseDreams performs at MTV Video Music Awards.  Outside, girl fans scream from behind a barricade -- wait, there's one boy, holding up a poster from Chase's song "My Brother's Gay, and That's Ok."  He tries to get the attention of the gay brother, but Carey is  too upset over his own crisis to notice. 

A gay fan?  Tell me more.

The cast list identifies him as a Superfan, played by 14-year old Elliott Fullam. 

As of this writing, Elliott is 21.  Was this an unusual guest spot, or does he play a lot of gay characters?  

Time to do some research.

Elliott grew up in Budd Lake, New Jersey, a resort town about an hour's drive from Manhattan.  His father, Justin, is an artist and punk rocker who runs the Little Punk People podcast along with his wife Diane.   

Elliott began assisting at age nine, and soon was conducting interviews of his own, with punk celebrities Norman Reedus (The Walking Dead), Gaten Matarazzo (Stranger Things), Jay Mews (from Jay and Silent Bob), and Scott Ian of the band Anthrax.  He drew 300,000 subscribers to the website.

This led him to some commercials, and a role in Instinct (2018).  The title is a misdirection; it's about a crime novelist (Alan Cummings) who solves crimes.  Elliott played the young version.

In Terrifier 2 (2022): Art the Evil Clown, killed at the end of the original, is resurrected and invades a Halloween party, to slice up some teenagers.  Elliott plays the focus girl's little brother Jonathan, an Art the Clown superfan.  

Art is resurrected again in Terrifier 3 (2024), and sets about harassing Jonathan, now a college student (no girlfriend: he might be gay).  This time the hapless superfan is beheaded. Mason Mecartea (left), playing Jonathan's dorm mate, show his chest and butt while  being eviscerated with a chainsaw. 

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Luke Blumm: Femme boy survives the Nazis, a cult, and Maine, but not a homophobic Mom. With his twink physique and some co-star cocks

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Gemstones Episode 4.3: Keefe does stuff with the Devil, Vance is homophobic, and Kelvin is doomed. With a stunt cock and a nude Hamlet

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"Sunny Nights": Will Forte sells tanning spray. With a lesbian sister, some gay gangsters, a lot of Aussie butts, and Vincent Rodriguez III in his underwear

I'm running low on tv series to review, so I went to Hulu and clicked on the first fictional series that popped up: Sunny Nights.  Wait -- how can nights be sunny?  We'll find out.

Scene 1: Dawn in a horrible industrial area in Australia (I know because the logo says Screen Australia). A woman watering her lawn, two joggers.  An crocodile crosses a golf course and suddenly gets exploded into a bloody mess. 

Cut to a shirtless man (Will Forte) being rubbed by a woman wearing gloves, and telling the gathered men in suits that he works out; he just likes to rest between sets (no more than one minute, buddy).  His product can be used by anyone, anywhere, regardless of age, gender, or natural beauty: tanning goop!

One of the potential investors is about to make an offer, when the hotel manager rushes up: he's using a hotel for his demonstration without getting permission, and he and his assistant Vickie are not guests. 

They are forced out, and the potential investors reject them. 

Hey, they're not romantic partners, they're siblings.  That means the brother could be gay.  Plus sister Vickie is played by D'Arcy Carden, the bisexual actor from The Good Place.

Scene 2: Brother actually booked them into a horribly run-down, pink-brick hotel with outside doors: Sunny Nights.  As they squeak in, a ruffian knocks on a door above them.  No one answer, so he bursts in and beats on the male occupant.  

Now it's a house, not a hotel room, with a woman saying "Hello, Gorgeous" to a tanning booth.  Or are you the sister?  Why is your hotel room a huge apartment with many personalized decorations?

Back to the hotel room.  I'm getting whiplash from these split-second cuts.  The occupant (maybe Harry Greenwood of Charmed) recognizes the Ruffian from a sport: he had to drop out because he got his head injured.  Ths does not ingratiate the ruffian, who knocks him out -- but at least gives him a pillow

The Ruffian is played by Willie Mason, a former  soccer player for the Sydney Roosters with a long list of troubles, including assaulting another player, failed businesses, drunk driving, and urinating in public, though he didn't mind the widely-publicized crotch grab by a rival player.   This is his first acting role.

Down in the siblings' room, they discuss their back story. The brother's girlfriend or wife broke up with him, so he's come to Australia in a grand scheme to win her back.  Grrr...hetero identity established at Minute 6.  He calls and tells her that he happens to be in the country on business, so could they get together?

Scene 3: Meanwhile, the sister Vickie goes to the beauty convention, and tells her entire life story to the clerk.  It includes a "gorgeous but mean hula-hooper," so maybe she's a lesbian.  She doesn't like her booth -- too small, and right by the bathroom. So she spends all of their money for a bigger one.

Cut to dinner with the Brother and his ex.  She is suspicious: "So you quit your job, started a tanning company, and came to Australia to sell it -- as a purely business decision? Not to try to win me back?"

"Well, it may have crossed my mind as a side benefit of becoming wildly successful."  She explains why she left him (doesn't he already know?): the usual vague reason wives give when they are broken up just so they can get back together again.  

Scene 4: At the bar at the Beauty Convention, Brother wails that the attempt to win her back didn't work. That was your grant scheme?  Just dinner?  

Sister Vickie tells him to man up and start networking.   She acquires an A$750 bottle of wine and heads off to pretend that they're successful.  Susi, a tarted up woman at the bar, is impressed, and starts flirting with Brother.  She guesses right off that he's in tanning, because she goes to a lot of beauty conventions (then why is your makeup so hideous?).  

Brother gives his back story again (omitting the grand scheme to win back the ex)  Susi invites him to the wine bar down the street, but he refuses: big presentation tomorrow.  This devastates her: "Oh, God, I came on too strong!  I always do this!"  So Brother agrees.  Sneaky move, lady!  

Meanwhile, Sister Vickie is sharing her expensive bottle of wine with a tableful of attractive ladies.  You trying to get customers or get laid?

Scene 5: The wine bar interspliced with energetic bedroom activity, and the next morning, waking up in her fancy hotel room.  During pillow talk, he gets a text from the ex: she wants to try that reconciliation thing, tonight.  Uh-oh, torn between two girlfriends!

At breakfast, Susi admits that she filmed their sexual encounter, so now Brother has to do what "he" says: the sleazy-looking Kash (Miritana Hughes), who wants A$10,000, or the video goes on the internet.  But the activity is legal.  Brother wasn't cheating.  Why should he care?  

He cares because if his ex-wife sees the video, she won't want to get back together.  Why not?  Did she expect him to not see anyone else for the rest of his life?

After they leave, Sister Vickie comes in to announce that she found a model for the presentation.  She wants to show him the nude photos she took.  Wrong time, girl.

Scene 6: Family Fun Time, a deserted amusement park. Sleazy Kash is holding down a new guy while his goons play miniature golf at his mouth.  They miss, so Kash pulls out a tooth. The Ruffian appears and announces that he couldn't get the money from the Hotel Room Guy earlier, so he punched him and gave him two extra days.  Kash doesn't like this, and hits him in the head. He blacks out.

Left: Aaron Glenane, who plays goon Blondy.

Scene 7: Brother and Sister Vickie in a bar.  The Model, wearing a bikini, approaches to show Vickie her stuff.  Brother is not impressed: she already has a tan, so how can they demonstrate a tanning product on her?   Nope, she's hot, and Vickie wants her...um...as an employee.  "She can model a darker shade."

Meanwhile, the Ruffian is examined by a mob physician.  Headaches, vision problems, mood swings, erectile dysfunction...before he can diagnose, Ruffian says "Just give me my pills."  

More after the break

Sonny Kendall: Obviously gay, too young for nude photos, so his EastEnder teen had better pay off. With Boreanaz and twink cocks

 

 Sonny Kendall (the short one) appeared on the teen idol website flexing and hugging guys.  These two are nearly holding hands.

As of this writing, he is 16 years old, so I won't be looking for nude  photos (beefcake is ok).   

I've checked his social media, and there's no question that he's gay. 

Left: Sonny's date starts hugging before they even get a chance to order.  

So this profile will just answer Question #1: Any gay roles?

Sonny was born in East London in 2010.  He was attending the Rhodes Theatre School in Romford in 2021, when he was cast in the soap EastEnders.

Whoops, it looks like the EastEnders gig is Sonny's only on-screen role.  But it has gotten him nominations for Best Young Performer at the British Soap Awards in 2022 and 2025,  Rising Star at the National Television Awards (2023), and Favourite Young Actor at the TV Times Awards.  So let's check it out.

The East End, north of the Thames and east of the Tower, is known for its Cockney rhyming slang, poverty, crime, and industrial blight.  This is where Jack the Ripper found  his victims, and Oscar Wilde found his rentboys.  

In the 1990s, my boyfriend Lane and I went to the World Congress of LGBT Jews, held in a hotel on the Isle of Dogs, East London.  It was dreadful. 

The soap opera EastEnders, on since 1985, features the  impoverished, the down-and-out, and the criminal .  We don't see British versions of the Lords of One Life to Live or the Quartermaines of General Hospital.  At least, not many of them.

It is known for "difficult," controversial plot arcs, involving murder, rape, drug addiction, and human trafficking.  And LGBT people.  The first male same-sex kiss on British tv, between boyfriends Colin and Guido (Michael Cashman, Nicholas Donovan), in 1987.   It didn't happen on American tv until 2003.

Left: When you search for nude photos of Nicholas Donovan, this one appears.  I think it's David Boreanaz.

Sonny's character, Tommy Moon, is the son of Kat and Alfie Moon (Shane Ritchie), who have a tumultuous relationship, with various infidelities, a brain tumor, prostate cancer. an injury in a fire, and having twin sons named Bert and Ernie.   Oh, and Tommy turns out to be the biological son of Alfie's cousin, the villainous Michael Moon (Steve John Shepherd, left).

Tommy is born in 2010, and starts out life in a controversial plotline about being switched with a dead baby.  It takes a few plot twists for Alfie and Kat to realize that their kid is actually alive, and get him back.  He lives through more murders, diseases, and infidelities, until 2014 , when the parents win the lottery and get the heck out of the East End.

More after the break

Luke Speakman: The femme bully of "Weapons" meets a lot of hunks, likes capybaras, plays a boy raised as a girl. With Dad and Dylan dicks

 

When I saw Weapons (2025), a thriller about the mysterious disappearance of all of the kids in a third grade class (except one), I thought that the bully (right) was a girl due to their long hair and femme mannerisms -- until their dad called them Matthew (played by Luke Speakman).

There is a positively portrayed gay couple in the movie (played by Benedict Wong and Clayton Farris), and it's quite a welcome change to have the femme boy the bully instead of the victim, so writer/director Zach Creger is obviously a queer ally. But Matthew is not on screen long enough to express any same-sex interests (besides, the rule in movies is, all kids must be portrayed as heterosexual).  But maybe Luke Speakman is gay in real life. 

Left: Luke meets his crush, Merrick Hanna.

Left: Luke's birthday in April 2025: "Turned 12 today!  Guess I'm old now!"  Just wait, buddy.

Growing up in a heteronormative society, gay boys are often unaware that they like boys, or interpret their interest as friendship or hero worship.  And if they are aware, they are unlikely to mention it on their parent-curated social media pages.  But maybe we can catch some glimmers of same-sex interest to augment Luke's femme appearance.

Born in Athens, Georgia in 2013, Luke began acting on screen at age five, in Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories (2020): he plays the young version of Sam (Dylan O'Brien, left), who goes through a time portal to the 1920s and meets Girl of His Dreams (be careful, she could be your great-grandmother).

Next came seven episodes of the podcast series The Burned Photo (2021-22): two women's "lives become intertwined when they discover they are being terrorized by the same multi-generational curse that is determined to end their family lineages."  So some lesbian subtexts going on?

Five episodes of Lost Man Down (2022), about an aspiring actor masquerading as a talent agent.  Luke plays a baseball fan who believes in aspiring player Takeshi (Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, center).  The guy with them is not Tsuyoshi's boyfriend.  I don't think.

An Asian hunk.  Not particularly relevant, but none of the adult stars of Lost Man Down have nude photos.

More after the break