"Blue Ridge" Episode 1.3: A wrestling promoter is murdered at a high school in the Hills. With lots of beefy suspects and Michael O'Hearn's dick

I haven't done many tv reviews lately because I've been very busy with Season 4 of The Righteous Gemstones, plus I have about two weeks' worth of profiles ready to post.  But I was interested in Episode 1.3 of Blue Ridge: The Series (2024), because it is set in the world of professional wrestling, with Michael O'Hearn in the cast.  

The show originally aired on the Cowboy Way Channel, so I have no hope of any gay characters -- reviewers are upset that there are no racial minorities, so obviously there will be no gays -- but there's bound to be ample beefcake.

The premise: Justin Wise (Jonathan Schaech), an ex-Green Beret featured in the 2020 movie Blue Ridge, has returned to his small town to be close to his ex wife and daughter. Their hobby is...murder!

Scene 1: Outside the high school, a sign: Championship Wrestling, Dirty Boots McCrae vs. The Contractor.  Several bouts, while a nuclear family with a girl who looks like a boy cheer. Maybe they'll be important later?   

One of the heels (villains) goes backstage, where Promoter Earl (Max Martini) grabs him by the neck: "If you can't stick to the script, I'm not going to stick to the deal."

He rushes out and yells at a male wrestler, "I own you!",  fires a female wrestler, and tells another heel, "I would rather die than make a washed-up quitter like you a champion!" 

The next day, Janitor Dwayne (Grayson Russell) buffing the floors, and finds...Promoter Earl's body under the ring!  Call Miss Marple!  

Scene 2: Nuclear family scene with Focus Character Justin Wise.  He's angry with his daughter, the girl who looks like a boy, because she is dating the son of his arch-enemy Jeremiah Wade (Tom Proctor)  The son is named Blade Wade (really?), played by Lev Cameron, left  She explains that his dad may be evil, but Blade Wade is nice.

Phone call, and the game is afoot.

Scene 3: At the school, School Administrator gives Justin Wise some heavy-handed plot exposition.  Takeaway: all of the wrestlers had keys to the gym and locker room, but nowhere else in the school.

By the way, her son Barry (Christian Finlayson) wants to become a wrestler, but when he tried out, the Promoter yelled at him, called him worthless, and destroyed his confidence.

Justin Wise examins the body (no sense in waiting for the forensics team).  Detective RP (Greg Perrow) says that he died of a blow to the head between 10 pm and midnight. 

Unfortunately Dwayne the Janitor buffed the entire gym before finding the body, so all of that evidence has vanished.  But he remembers the Promoter and a heel character named The Contractor (Michael O'Hearn) arguing: "I got a binding legal contract!" "I don't care, I'm not paying it!"

And the  murder weapon is a wrench that  The Contractor uses as part of his act.  He didn't do it.

Scene 4: Justin Wise interviews The Contractor.  He points out that he plays a bad guy, but he's not bad in real life.  He left the wrench in his gym bag in the locker room; anybody could have swiped it.  And their argument was  just "a work," part of the story: "I loved Earl, but everybody else hated him."

Left: The Contractor n*de.

He suggests interviewing Dirty Boots McRae, who got into a real argument with Earl yesterday.

Phone call: More clues.  The wrench wasn't the murder weapon after all.

More after the break

Moises Arias: Rico on "Hannah Montana," grows up to play gay characters and show his bum, but is he actually gay? With a hung O'Hearn

 

In 2006, the Disney channel premiered Hannah Montana, about a teenage girl who is secretly a pop star (just go with it).  Hannah was surrounded by a coterie of hunks and hunkoids, including her father Robby (Billy Ray Cyrus), her brother Jackson (Jason Earle), her buddy Oliver (Mitchell Musso), her crush Jake (Cody Linley) -- and Rico Suave (Moises Arias), the billionaire's son, schemer, and prankster who ran Rico's Surf Shop and various other business enterprises.  

Rico's love/hate relationship with Jackson, his employee and classmate, eventually turned to love: they became best friends.  Maybe they were dating in real life, too.  Or maybe Moises was dating Ryan Ochoa, or Jaiden Smith, Will Smith's nonbinary and probably pansexual child.

By the time the series ended in 2011, Moises had become the best and brightest of the Short Guy Brigade: 5'1", muscular, cute, and "obviously" gay.

After Hannah, Moises concentrated on movies and tv shows with gay subtext buddy-bonds or even LGBTQ characters:

In The Kings of Summer (2013), two teenage boys, including Gabriel Basso (left), and their nonbinary, agendered friend Biaggio (Moises) decide to spend the summer together in the wilderness. 

I didn't see Ender's Game (2013), since it was based on a book by homophobic Orson Scott Card, but the plot synopsis suggests a love-hate relationship between far-future space captain Bonzo Madrid (Moises) and Ender (Asa Butterfield).

The Land (2016) features four teenage boys who want to be skateboard champs.

In Ben-Hur (2016), Moises plays Dismas, a Jewish zealot who tries to kill Pontius Pilate from Ben-Hur's balcony.  The guards arrest Ben-Hur, of course, but he loves Dismas too much to betray him.

In Five Feet Apart (2019), he plays a gay disabled guy who lives in a cystic fibrosis ward and facilitates his buddy's heterosexual romance.

He lives in a post-Apocalyptic vault-community and buddy-bonds with a boy in Fallout (2024).

More Moises after the break

Workaholics Episode 1.9: Adam kisses a cougar, gets frisky with Ders, and raps as a bodybuilding fairy wizard. With a Michael O'Hearn frontal

After the gloomfest of The Mick, I needed something a little more upbeat. So Workaholics Episode 1.9, which was heavily criticized on the Gender/Sex/Media blog as homophobic: the guys think of "homosexuality" as weird and wrong  -- and something you can catch.  Plus Adam uses a homophobic slur!  We'll see. 

Scene 1: The guys dressed as wizards in long beards and conical caps, rehearsing a rap number for the Renaissance Faire. Ders asks why Adam has ripped his shirt off: "We're trying to get people excited, right?  The world needs to see the madness that is my upper torso."  Can't disagree with that.  

Next Ders objects to "whoring out" the art of rap, but the guys remind him that ladies with big boobs will be watching their performance, so ok.

Scene 2: At work, the guys are watching through the window as Adam lifts weights on the patio. Geez, don't you gawk at his bod enough at home?  Sorry, of course there's no such thing as "enough."  

Suddenly a middle-aged lady comes onto the patio to smoke: Sharon, the owner of the whole building!  The guys, watching, don't understand..  "Why is that lady talking to Adam? Wait -- why are they kissing?"  Well, Billy, some boys like to kiss boys, and some like to kiss girls.  

Scene 3: Blake wonders where Adam has been for three days; he's missing the Wizard Rap rehearsals. He comes in to announce that he's moving in with Sharon!  They're in love, they're having sex, and besides, she's helping him with his bodybuilding career.  She got him a gig at the Tri-County Amateur Bodybuilding Competition.  Um..buddy, anyone can sign up for those things.  Blake and Ders disapprove: she's a cougar (middle aged lady who's into young guys.)  Nonsense, she's the same age as Adam's mom, who has sex a lot.  

He zooms away on the back of Sharon's motorcycle.  The guys feel betrayed, and decide that they will break up the lovebirds. Their plan: Ders will seduce her. Won't work -- I'm sure Sharon is fine with three-ways.

Scene 4: The guys arrive at Sharon's mansion. While Adam shows Blake around, Ders asks to check out the pool (we've already established that he's a former swimming champ).

The grand tour, consisting of the various places where Adam has made "the magic happen": their bedroom, the staircase, her son's bedroom, the kitchen. Have they ever actually had sex?  I think a big reveal is coming. 

Meanwhile Ders goes out to the pool in a very tight Speedo and flirts with Sharon.  She can't swim, so he offers to teach her.  

Scene 5:  Adam shows Blake the gym, where he's preparing for the bodybuilding competition.  Blake wants to stall him, to give Ders enough time to complete the seduction, so he asks for a demonstration of the bicep curl.  Adam likes to keep the window open during his workouts, so when he screams, people outside think he's having sex.  But aren't you having sex a lot anyway?  

Meanwhile, in the pool, Sharon asks Ders "Are you trying to seduce me?"   She is totally open to the idea.

Scene 6: Adam looks out the window, sees Sharon and Ders flirting, and runs down in a jealous snit. "We're going to fight!"  

Upset at being interrupted in the midst of a seduction, Ders cries "You are frickin' dead, boy!" But when he climbs out of the pool, he is aroused!  

They can't fight that way, so he has to lie down until he gets soft.  But the minute the two start grabbing at each other, they both get aroused! "Your boner is contagious!" Adam exclaims.  He orders Ders to put on a shirt to hide his hunkiness.  What about you, Mr. Sexiest Man on the Planet?  It can't be a fair fight with your gorgeousness  distracting your opponent.  "Wait, am I supposed to hit you or kiss you? I'll compromise with a blow job."  

Ders agrees -- they're too attracted to each other for a physical fight.  Maybe if they just hurl insults?  Nope -- it turns into an "are you as turned on as I am?" tirade that stops just short of the kiss.  And they're aroused again! 

More arousal after the break

Michael O'Hearn: barbarian, superhero, n*de model, backside annihilator.

Michael O'Hearn (no connection to Brock O'Hurn) played the bodybuilder who harassed Adam on Workaholics, and for some reason didn't get cast as a member of Kelvin's God Squad.  Recently he had a gym date with Tony Cavalero: "After an intense couple of weeks of flirting online, we went at it at the gym like true barbarians."  

He specifies: "Tony brings the business in the front and the party in the back, and I don't just mean the hair."  Funny, I always thought Tony was more into oral. But when you have Michael O'Hearn behind you, who's going to say no?

Tony returns the compliment: "Honored to have you annihilate my back!  Such a blast bustin' some smut with you."  How many ways can you make a gym workout sound like sex?

You might not  want to see Mike's first star vehicle, Barbarian (2003): "An ancient land suffocates in the shadow of evil. A dark lord rules unopposed. One warrior will become legend. He is the Barbarian... the last great warrior king."  Did anyone actually write a script, or did they watch a 1980s sword-and-sorcery movie and say "Here -- act this out."

The Keeper of Time (2004) is more of the same, with characters named Bullrock, Anu, Udo...and Daniel? 

Then Mike moved into comedy, with roles on Workaholics, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Lab Rats, Mighty Meds, and Epic Rap Battles of History.  Plus he performed on two seasons of American Gladiators, the beefcake game show, as Thor and Titan.

But his main career is in bodybuilding and modeling. 4 time Mr. Universe, 7 time Fitness Nake Model of the Year, 470 magazine covers.  Plus the cover model for Topaz romance novels.

And a lot of humorous instagram posts.

I do the same thing.  Leg day?  What's leg day?

Super bulge from when Mike played a Superman parody.

Hulked out for American Gladiators.  

Mike's size after the break

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: An enormous cock, Adam Devine, Corey B's sausage, and Mickey Mouse

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Tony Cavalero, best known as Dewey on The School of Rock,  Ozzie Ozbourne in Dirt, and Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones, with a few of his friends

1. Sorry, Tony, a cold dip before the hookup is a deal-breaker.

2. I don't care if Adam offered to join us...wait...

3. Mickey Mouse is a muscle fan.

4. And Tony is into Rodent Boys.

5. What happens in Disneyland, stays in Disneyland

6. Is it too late for that cold dip and hookup?

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 3.6: BJ swallows a lot, Keefe learns about hard wood, and Kelvin gets a girlfriend. With nude boxer bonus

Previous: Episode 3.5: a gay boy's bare butt, a pukka shell necklace, castration anxiety, and three random cocks

In the last episode (before the interlude), we saw the family shattered, with Judy/BJ and Kelvin/Keefe breaking up and the Montgomery boys plotting against Eli.  Now we're going to see life amid the ruins.

Title: "For Out of the Heart Come Evil Thoughts." Matthew 15:19: "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies." We don't need to match the Gemstone with the sin: they are all guilty of false witness, lying to others or to themselves.

How to Make Things Right: BJ didn't move out, after all,  but the two are barely speaking. Judy asks what she can do to make things right. He doesn't know.  She is despondent. Remember that in 2000, she worried that she would never find anyone who would love her.  It took 18 years, but she finally found someone, and now it's over.

Gay joke: "I swallow a lot, but this may be something I can't choke down."  You just need a little practice.  Ask Keefe for some pointers. 

The Montgomery Boys Leave:  At Eli's mansion, the Montgomerys thank the family for "straightening them out."   Kelvin suggests that it happened "when we dressed them up."  That sounds like a gay reference.  

Jesse says "They're ready to fuck": their next steps should be girlfriends,  intercourse, wives and kids, the whole heterosexual trajectory.  To start them out, he gives them his monster truck, the Redeemer.

 As they drive away, Kelvin takes off his "wedding ring."  If he leaves it off, the relationship will really be over.  He'll be single again.  He puts it back on.  But maybe he is thinking of a heterosexual trajectory of his own. 

Taryn is Back: We cut to Kelvin introducing Taryn, who we last saw at Keefe's "wieners and ice cream" party, as his new assistant youth pastor.  A kid asks about Keefe, and he gets all bitchy: "He is leaving to pursue other opportunities.  Not even sure why you keep bringing that up!" -- while fiddling with his wedding ring again.  He continues to fiddle -- and look despondent -- as Taryn leads the kids in a dance. 

Paying off the Scandal:  The siblings meet with Stephen, his wife, and their lawyer.  They want $500,000 for "damages and emotional distress," or the affair goes viral.  So it's like the blackmail over Jesse's sex-and-drugs party in Season 1, but this time there's no tape.  Judy could just deny that anything happened.  She could even sue him for slander.

Martin suggests paying the money, along with an apology.  Kelvin must be wondering: if it's worth $500,000 to keep an extramarital affair under wraps, how much damage would he cause the church by coming out  -- or being outed.  He doesn't like Taryn in that way -- he doesn't like women in that way -- but what choice does he have?  

After scenes where Baby Billy and Jesse discuss the hologram Aimee-Leigh idea, and BJ stalks Stephen, Kelvin tries to find out if the relationship is really over.

The First Reconciliation Attempt:  We find Keefe working at Woodpecker's Carpentry.  Wood-pecker, har har, the first of many phallic references in this scene.  His earring, necklaces, and rings are gone -- for safety, or to keep closeted?  

Suddenly Kelvin appears. Looking around nervously, Keefe asks "Brother Kelvin, what are you doing here?" Note that he uses formal titles to reaffirm that they have broken up: they are just pastor and parishioner.  No doubt he's worried that Kelvin will out him by referencing their relationship or just being flamboyant.  Kelvin does try his usual titty-tweak, but Keefe doesn't respond.  You're broken up!  You're not allowed to take liberties anymore!

Gay joke: "Master Bishop has taught me a lot in the ways of hard wood." Tell me more about your...um...hard wood.  The odd title "Master," not used for master carpeters, led some fans to speculate that he and Keefer were involved in a BDSM relationship. 

 Wait -- how long has he worked there?  Surely it's only been a few days since the breakup.

Kelvin asks "Have you found happiness?" An odd question. Why not just ask if he likes his new job.?  Keefe says that he has, but of course he's lying.  He's busy working on a reconciliation rocking chair.  He uses the  punching gesture that straight guys sometimes use to ward off physical contact: a bro-hug would be too painful.

Apparently Kelvin expected Keefe to be crying and miserable, lost without him, like in the Season 1 breakup.  Seeing that his ex is doing ok, he becomes bitchy, denigrating the carpentry job and declaring that he's having lots of fun with Taryn: "everybody loves her...no one misses you at all." The happiness facade fails: Keefe frowns and orders him to leave. 

We cut to Judy asking Eli for the bribe money. He exclaims "Can't you children figure out your lives?" and refuses.  

Then the Montgomery Boys zoom the Redeemer into Peter's new militia compound, claiming that they stole it.  But in Episode 2, he sent goons to kill them.  When did they start working for him again?

Don't Mention Cum: BJ bursts into tears while working at his Church Welcome Center job. Jesse and his crew sympathize: Stephen has cuckolded him, taken away his power.  He needs to fight the guy, "knock his dick in the dirt, show him who is the man."  

They take him down to the basement for punching-bag training.

Top photo: Michael O'Hearn works out with boxer Paulo Costa. 

Left: Punching bag

Crash! BJ complains that he broke his wrist on the punching bag.  "It was limp already," Jesse says: his first homophobic slur ever, again suggesting that Kelvin will have trouble coming out.  The family certainly knows, but they do not want the whole church to know. 

As BJ practices his trash-talk, Jesse tells him to: "Stay focused, don't talk about cum, and show him who the fuck you are."  Good advice for a first date.

More advice and boxers after the break

"It's Always Sunny," Episode 7.10: Mac gets fat, Charlie refuses sex, and Michael O'Hearn flexes. With bonus Sunny butts

Looking for Michael O'Hearn muscle, I found an appearance in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 7.10 (2011).  It's been on for like a century, so you've probably seen it: four sociopathic pals and their anti-father figure run a sleazy, always-deserted bar in Philadelphia, where they argue, fight, scheme against each other, and work together on elaborate money-making scams

Dennis (Glen Howerton, right), the bartender, prides himself on his attractiveness. .

His sister Dee (Kaitlyn Olson), the bar's waitress, fancies herself an actress.

Mac (Rob McElhenney, left), the bouncer, is obsessed with muscles, and rather homophobic.  He gets a lot of "is he or isn't he?" jokes, until he finally comes out, then goes back in, and comes out again.

Frank (Danny DeVito, the moon), Dennis and Dee's rich con-artist sort-of-father, bankrolls the schemes.

He and Charlie (Charlie Day, center), the bar's janitor, live together, share a bed, and get a lot of "are they or aren't they?" jokes, but it's also hinted that Frank is Charlie's biological father, not his boyfriend.

None of the cast is homophobic in real life. In 2018, they all appeared on a Paddy's Pub float at the LA Pride Parade, giving Mac a chance to show off his new ripped bod.

Scene 1: Mac is in a Catholic confession booth (where you confess your sins to the priest, who gives you a penance to perform).  His confession: he's fat. Not a sin, dude.

Scene 2: Next Mac asks the priest to have God smite his enemies...um, friends...well, friends who want to destroy him.  Not what confession is for, dude. He explains: they became wildly successful, which made them monsters (um...they've been monsters since Season 1), which made them want Mac to be fat. Confused?

Flashback:  Frank, the anti-father, returns from a trip to sell illegal fireworks in North Carolina to find the bar packed.  What happened?  Mac thinks that they just "tipped": if you make the right decisions long enough, eventually things tip in your favor.  Charlie thinks it's his cleaning, Dee her jokes, Dennis his hotness.  They don't know which it is, so they have to continue doing everything.

Scene 3: In bed that night, Charlie just wants to go to sleep so he can work tomorrow, but Frank wants to blow up a lamb with his remaining fireworks.  They argue until Charlie makes a barrier between them, so they can't have sex, which hurts Frank's feelings.  Mac calls and invites them to go on a rager, but they can't because they're fighting.

Left: Frank, Danny DeVito.

Scene 4: The next day, Dennis won't come out of the bathroom, so Charlie has to bartend, which he's not qualified for. Meanwhile, Dee tries to be funny, ignoring customers' orders to tell lame half-jokes and berating them when they don't laugh, and Mac comes late in after a rager involving three bottles of champaign and a stray dog. Everything is in chaos. 

They all go into the bathroom to see what's wrong with Dennis: he found a couple of gray hairs and tried to eradicate them, ending with a terrible haircut.  He's afraid to be seen in public. 

Scene 5: After bartending all night, Charlie is exhausted; plus he hasn't had time to clean. Frank has come up with a new prank: four stop signs at an intersection, so no one can move, har har. Charlie points out that he built a four-way stop, actually making the neighborhood safer. "Ok, then, why don't we go around and hit people with sticks?"  Charlie doesn't want to do that, either.  Not the best ideas for Date Night, buddy.

Scene 6: Mac is planning places to avoid when he sails around the world with the profits from their new successful bar.  He'll avoid Africa -- too poor, the Middle East -- too hot, and well, everywhere.  Meanwhile, Dennis applied a chemical peel to his face, and now looks disfigured, so he can't be the attractive bartender anymore.

Left: Dennis, Glenn Howerton

Dee suggests hiring  replacements, or avatars, to do all the dirty work, so they can concentrate on being attractive, funny, and successful.  Of course the avatars have to look like the gang.

More sunny after the break