In the last episode (before the interlude), we saw the family shattered, with Judy/BJ and Kelvin/Keefe breaking up and the Montgomery boys plotting against Eli. Now we're going to see life amid the ruins.
Title: "For Out of the Heart Come Evil Thoughts." Matthew 15:19: "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies." We don't need to match the Gemstone with the sin: they are all guilty of false witness, lying to others or to themselves.
How to Make Things Right: BJ didn't move out, after all, but the two are barely speaking. Judy asks what she can do to make things right. He doesn't know. She is despondent. Remember that in 2000, she worried that she would never find anyone who would love her. It took 18 years, but she finally found someone, and now it's over.
Gay joke: "I swallow a lot, but this may be something I can't choke down." You just need a little practice. Ask Keefe for some pointers.
The Montgomery Boys Leave: At Eli's mansion, the Montgomerys thank the family for "straightening them out." Kelvin suggests that it happened "when we dressed them up." That sounds like a gay reference.
Jesse says "They're ready to fuck": their next steps should be girlfriends, intercourse, wives and kids, the whole heterosexual trajectory. To start them out, he gives them his monster truck, the Redeemer.
As they drive away, Kelvin takes off his "wedding ring." If he leaves it off, the relationship will really be over. He'll be single again. He puts it back on. But maybe he is thinking of a heterosexual trajectory of his own.
Taryn is Back: We cut to Kelvin introducing Taryn, who we last saw at Keefe's "wieners and ice cream" party, as his new assistant youth pastor. A kid asks about Keefe, and he gets all bitchy: "He is leaving to pursue other opportunities. Not even sure why you keep bringing that up!" -- while fiddling with his wedding ring again. He continues to fiddle -- and look despondent -- as Taryn leads the kids in a dance.
Paying off the Scandal: The siblings meet with Stephen, his wife, and their lawyer. They want $500,000 for "damages and emotional distress," or the affair goes viral. So it's like the blackmail over Jesse's sex-and-drugs party in Season 1, but this time there's no tape. Judy could just deny that anything happened. She could even sue him for slander.
Martin suggests paying the money, along with an apology. Kelvin must be wondering: if it's worth $500,000 to keep an extramarital affair under wraps, how much damage would he cause the church by coming out -- or being outed. He doesn't like Taryn in that way -- he doesn't like women in that way -- but what choice does he have?
After scenes where Baby Billy and Jesse discuss the hologram Aimee-Leigh idea, and BJ stalks Stephen, Kelvin tries to find out if the relationship is really over.
The First Reconciliation Attempt: We find Keefe working at Woodpecker's Carpentry. Wood-pecker, har har, the first of many phallic references in this scene. His earring, necklaces, and rings are gone -- for safety, or to keep closeted?
Suddenly Kelvin appears. Looking around nervously, Keefe asks "Brother Kelvin, what are you doing here?" Note that he uses formal titles to reaffirm that they have broken up: they are just pastor and parishioner. No doubt he's worried that Kelvin will out him by referencing their relationship or just being flamboyant. Kelvin does try his usual titty-tweak, but Keefe doesn't respond. You're broken up! You're not allowed to take liberties anymore!
Gay joke: "Master Bishop has taught me a lot in the ways of hard wood." Tell me more about your...um...hard wood. The odd title "Master," not used for master carpeters, led some fans to speculate that he and Keefer were involved in a BDSM relationship.
Wait -- how long has he worked there? Surely it's only been a few days since the breakup.
Kelvin asks "Have you found happiness?" An odd question. Why not just ask if he likes his new job.? Keefe says that he has, but of course he's lying. He's busy working on a reconciliation rocking chair. He uses the punching gesture that straight guys sometimes use to ward off physical contact: a bro-hug would be too painful.
Apparently Kelvin expected Keefe to be crying and miserable, lost without him, like in the Season 1 breakup. Seeing that his ex is doing ok, he becomes bitchy, denigrating the carpentry job and declaring that he's having lots of fun with Taryn: "everybody loves her...no one misses you at all." The happiness facade fails: Keefe frowns and orders him to leave.
We cut to Judy asking Eli for the bribe money. He exclaims "Can't you children figure out your lives?" and refuses.
Then the Montgomery Boys zoom the Redeemer into Peter's new militia compound, claiming that they stole it. But in Episode 2, he sent goons to kill them. When did they start working for him again?
Don't Mention Cum: BJ bursts into tears while working at his Church Welcome Center job. Jesse and his crew sympathize: Stephen has cuckolded him, taken away his power. He needs to fight the guy, "knock his dick in the dirt, show him who is the man."
Crash! BJ complains that he broke his wrist on the punching bag. "It was limp already," Jesse says: his first homophobic slur ever, again suggesting that Kelvin will have trouble coming out. The family certainly knows, but they do not want the whole church to know.
As BJ practices his trash-talk, Jesse tells him to: "Stay focused, don't talk about cum, and show him who the fuck you are." Good advice for a first date.
After the Rain: At the youth group, Taryn is bouncing on the trampoline, while Kelvin looks on, despondent. Shouldn't the kids get a chance to play on it?
Kelvin's turn: he bounces toward the ceiling, still looking despondent, while Nelson's "After the Rain" plays:
He never really loved you from the start.
The only thng he ever gave you was a broken heart.
Don't be afraid to lose what was never meant to be.
Only after the rain can you find true love again.
So Kelvin has to get over Keefe to find true love? But there are no other gay guys around..just Taryn...uh-oh....
Later, after the kids are gone, they are putting gym mats away. Kelvin says that he was "working some stuff out" while somsersaulting. The staging suggests that he has worked out a way to stay in the closet by adopting a heterosexual facade. The first step will be asking Taryn for a date.
He's smiling, complimenting her, setting the scene. They discuss how to get kids into physical fitness by making it fun, sort of like putting cheese on their broccoli so they'll eat it. In a parallel, is he trying to use physical fitness to make a heterosexual relationship palatable?
But be careful, Kelv Baby. In this universe, cheating on your true love is the worst sin imaginable. It doesn't matter that Keefe broke up with you. It doesn't matter that Taryn would save you from being outed. If you stray, you will be punished.
This is definitely the nadir of the Kelvin/Keefe relationship. Even after seeing the entire season, knowing what is going to happen, I'm starting to get anxious.
But on the bright side, does anyone still doubt that they were a romantic couple?
Bonus: to reduce your anxiety, Gideon brought pizza.
The Second Reconciliation Attempt: After work, Kelvin and Taryn are putting away gym mats and flirting -- just ask her out, buddy. It's ok to be bi. Suddenly Keefe enters with a rocking chair carved with Kelvin's name on a tree. This is way too much for a "let's stay friends" gift: he is attempting a reconciliation. You're the one who left, dude. You could just ask to get back together.
He is not wearing a sexy outfit; actually he is sweaty and rather disheveled, as if he rushed over the moment he finished the chair.
Why a rocking chair for an athletic 34-year old? "This is true love: we'll be together forever." I am reminded of Robert Browning's famous lines from "Rabbi ben Ezra": "Grow old with me -- the best is yet to be." But viewers may be more familiar with John Lennon's version:
Grow old along with me. Two branches of one tree.
Face the setting sun when the day is done
More after the break
Keefe expected Kelvin to be alone to accept his gesture. Nope, Taryn is there. He knows that the youth group has just ended out, and that Taryn is the new assistant youth minister; why wouldn't she be there?
Kelvin looks nervous and decidedly guilty, as if he has been caught cheating; he pulls Keefe into a bro-hug, asks inane questions ("Is that chair made of wood?"), and stammers "We were just...um...we..." until Taryn takes over and explains that they are just working together.
Platonic pal advocates, pay attention: Taryn wouldn't think it necessary to inform Kelvin's buddy that he has nothing to worry about, they are not having an affair. Either she has inferred that they are lovers, or one of the guys told her.
Keefe turns on the jealousy, and asks if Taryn has replaced him. As assistant youth minister, of course. But he means as a romantic partner.
Angry at the implication, maybe feeling guilty because he was planning to start a relationship, Kelvin plays along: he asks Taryn to give them a moment alone, touching her affectionately on the back to usher her out, exactly as you would ask your girlfriend to give you a moment to talk to your ex.
Keefe continues to lash out, demanding to know if Kelvin and Taryn have had a "physical connection." Romantic but not sexual partner advocates, pay attention: Kelvin and Keefe must have had a sexual relationship, or Keefe wouldn't think to ask about sex with his "replicant."
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Kelvin goes on the defensive, denying that he has anything going on with Taryn, but quite accurately pointing out that "You left me." They have broken up; he has every right to see other people.
He tries to touch Keefe's shoulder, and upon being rebuffed, pulls back from the romantic partner term "left" to the good buddy "ditched": "You ditched me. If you had said yes to Immigrant Outreach, we could still be dudebros." Keefe rolls his eyes; even after the break-up, Kelvin can't say what they were.
He continues: "What was I supposed to do? Just sit around, be lonely? Wait for you to deliver some stupid rocking chair?" He would be going to work regardless, so "sit around, be lonely" returns to the romantic relationship. He's telling Keefe that it's too late; he's moved on, he is in fact with Taryn now.
The reconciliation attempt failed, Keefe starts to cry. He says "I will not disrupt what you and Taryn are building together," referring to the heterosexual trajectory of marriage and family. Kelvin grimaces in disgust at the thought of becoming Taryn's husband.
Keefe runs out, doing a cartwheel on the way to demonstrate the hotness he's missing. Kelvin kicks the chair and screams.
In this scene Kelvin behaves like a husband who has been caught cheating, and Keefe, like the victim, de-manned, cuckolded. This creates a parallel with the Judy-BJ relationship, and sets both couples up for retribution. Remember, in the Gemstones universe, cheating on a "true love" is the worst sin imaginable. It doesn't matter if you have broken up, or even if they have died: stray, and you will be punished.
More Humiliation: We cut to Jesse and Amber arguing over the Aimee-Leigh hologram plan. He criticizes her marital counseling programs: she wants to feel important and powerful, so she pretends to be a therapist, "guiding fucking wild women and strangers," not helping the church. Compare with Jesse criticizing Kelvin's God Squad and Smut Busters as selfish, for his own enjoyment. She rushes away. This is not really a betrayal, but it is a denial of Amber's knowledge and skill, diminishing her as a person.
Then to Judy issuing her apology -- and the $500,000 check -- to Stephen's wife. Only Martin is present; he "accidentally" gave Kelvin and Jesse the wrong time, so they would miss out on her humiliation. She is touched by the gesture; they hug.
At home, BJ is working out. He reads on Judy's laptop that Stephen is asking for another hookup -- after everything that's happened! His wife and kids are gone -- he's alone in the house, if she wants to stop by. Pretending to be Judy, BJ responds "Coming."
The Aimee-Leigh Hologram: Later that day, the family -- except the partners, all in the midst of marital riffs -- gathers in one of the Gemstone theaters for Jesse and Baby Billy to unveil the hologram Aimee-Leigh.
They hate the hologram: disrespecting the memory of their loved one, turning her into a carnival sideshow or a Sith Dark Lord. Eli starts to cry. Judy and Kelvin rush up and destroy the hologram machine, and then quit their jobs as co-ministers. Now it's Jesse by himself.
Stephen beats BJ into near-unconsciousness, but BJ triumphs by squeezing his testicles, de-manning him in retribution for his own cuckolding. Fans wondered if there were consequences -- an arrest for aggravated assault? But Stephen's story has ended; he is not mentioned again.
BJ goes home, all banged up, and tells Judy: "I hope you like me now." He's referring to a phrase that he was planning to use on Stephen, originally from a country-western song by Toby Keith:
Do you still think I'm crazy standing here today?
I couldn't make you love me but I always dreamed about livin' in your radio
How do you like me now?
Amber, BJ, and Keefe could all be asking that of their partners as we fade out. The end.
Ok, ok, I'll post another boxer.
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