Bumper in Berlin Episode 1.1: Bumper from "Pitch Perfect" sings, meets a hunk, and doesn't get The Girl. Plus Morris Bleibtreu's butt

Remember Bumper, the a capella jerk from Pitch Perfect, played by Adam Devine?  In November 2022, he spun off into his own tv series, Bumper in Berlin.

The only other male character in the regular cast is Pieter Kramer (Flula Borg, below).  Not many opportunities for buddy-bonding gay subtexts here, but Adam is one of most handsome men on Earth, and Flula is one of the most muscular, so maybe I'll watch with the sound off just for the face and physique.  Besides, the episodes have cute German titles like Backpfeifengesicht (face in need of a fist -- sounds like Bumper).

Scene 1: Bumper singing a capella with some old guys.  "Baby, I'll show you how a real queen behaves."  Not necessary -- I've seen Kelvin.  "You may think I'm weak without a sword, but if I had one, it'd be bigger than yours."  Tell me more about your...um, sword, Bumper. 

"If all the kings had queens on their throne, we'd toast champaign...I'll be your queen."  Girlfriend, that's as homoerotic as a song gets.  Did you forget that you're not playing Kelvin?

Lights go up.  This is a rehearsal for Bumper's new group, the Tonehangers. They'll be performing at a retirement center next month. Whoa, the old people won't know what hit them.

The other guys have to go -- wives, kids, stuff to do.  Bumper claims that he has stuff to do, too, but actually he's all alone. I hate the heterosexist equation of wife and kids with success, but I'll give it a pass due to the homoerotic song.  And he's working as a security guard at his old college but he's still planning on becoming a famous singer, somehow. Bummer, Bumper.

Scene 2:  Bumper is locking up as part of his security guard duties, when he gets a phone call from Germany: a fan of his college performances and his recent appearances on game shows and Tik-Tok.   "Wait -- how do you know all this?" Bumper asks, horrified. "Are you a pervert?"  Come on, dude, any fan would know those things.  I know that Adam was born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.  Well, to be fair, I just remember it because my home town is nearby.  

"I'm a pervert for talent," the voice says --revealed to be Pieter Kramer.  "We have met before." Turns out that he belonged to Das Sound Machine, a rival a capella group.  "You are a big Tik Tok star in Germany."  His TikTok involved making funny faces while singing the very sad song "Neun und neunsig Luftballon."  "You got 7.6 million views!"

"That's like a million views!" Bumper exclaims.  

Pieter wants him to move to Berlin and become his client.   "It's all happening!" he exclaims.  "All of those failures were worth it, because now I'll never fail again."  Har-har.

Scene 3: Bumper arrives at a horrible, graffiti-filled, run-down building in Berlin.  Pieter greets him.  They hug; Bumper is so excited that he won't let go, but to his credit, Pieter does not recoil in homophobic contempt. 

Upstairs to his horrible office with a window facing the train tracks.  Pieter's assistant Heidi arrives: Sarah Hylund, who played Adam's girlfriend on Modern Family!  I guess we know where the sparks will fly.

An American, an airhead, she gives him American cheese (almost impossible to find in Germany) and a caffeine pill (to avoid jet lag). Sparks fly.

Pieter has prepared a comic strip of Bumper's path to superstardom, culminating in a gig as "the hottest new singer" at German Unity Day in two months.  

Scene 4:  The three walking through Brandenburg Gate, getting a sandwich from a food truck: "It's made with dead animals."  "Oh, it's meat."  

A stranger (Govinda Cholleti) and his crew recognize Bumper from his Tik-Tok!

They arrive at the horrible youth hostel where Bumper will be staying.  The scary lady manager scowls at him: "I truly am meeting you."  Har-har. They want to leave him alone in his horrible dorm to "get some rest," but he wants to go with them: "I'll get nervous if I'm alone."  And scared of the scary lady?

A Techno-Goth Club after the break

BJ's Angels: A "Charlie's Angels" parody starring Joel Rush and Skyler Gisondo. With a guest appearance by Adam Devine

For this parody, you need to know that Kelvin and Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones could never call themselves "boyfriends" or use the word "gay."

Announcer: And now another episode of BJ's Angels.

Introduction

(BJ narrates off-camera): Once there were three little muscle boys who went to work on another show called The Righteous Gemstones, two in Kelvin Gemstone's God Squad, and the other as Eli Gemstone's driver. 

(Sarcastic) And they were each assigned very sexy duties. (Shots of Liam falling from a human pyramid, Sky being lowered into a tiger cage, and Gideon driving in a car chase).

But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. My name is BJ. 

Montage

 Joel Rush as Sky (in his underwear, pulling a gun from his crotch)

Peter Kaasa as Liam (winning a bodybuilding contest)

Skyler Gisondon as Gideon (hacking into a computer)

Tony Cavalero as Mr. Keefe (trying to answer six telephones at once).

Guest star Adam DeVine as Kelvin (giving Keefe a bag lunch as he rushes out the door, like a 1960s sitcom housewife). 

And special guest star Tim Baltz as BJ (a mysterious hand on a computer keyboard)

Scene 1

The Angels in their dressing room. Gideon, fully clothed, is tying his tie, but Sky and Liam are still in their underwear.

Sky: Hey, this t-shirt is just extra-extra-large. Liam, I think you got mine by mistake.

Liam: (Checks.) Oh, right, this one is extra-extra-extra large. Sorry, Sky, I'll take it off. Of course, the only way I can do that is by taking off my jockey, too (Rips off his t-shirt, then lowers his jockey, displaying his bare butt.) That's one, by the way.

Gideon: (Glancing over) One what?

Liam: We're contractually obligated to display our butts twice per episode.

Scene 2

Keefe enters, wearing a suit, carrying a laptop.

Liam and Sky: Good morning, Mr. Keefe.

Gideon: Good morning, Uncle Keefe.

Keefe (to Gideon): Hey, don't tell anyone that we're related, or else the fans won't ship us, and we won't get a lot of play on fan boards. Those fan boards can make or break our characters! So just pretend that you're my very good friend.  What couple name do you like, Gideefe or Keefeon?

Gideon: That's gross! No way I'm going to queerbait with my Uncle Kelvin's boyfriend!

(Everyone gasps).

Keefe: You can't say the b- word on television!  The proper term is 'my Uncle Kelvin's...um..."

Sky: I'll queerbait with you, Mr. Keefe.  We've already been intimate, remember?

Keefe: The glory hole in the tiger cage?  How could I forget?  Wait until Episode 12, when we go undercover as the son of a famous televangelist and his boy toy. I'm the boy toy. Anyway, I have BJ on Zoom.

Scene 3

He opens the Zoom screen. A tropical setting. BJ lies on his stomach on a lounge chair. His face is not visible.

BJ: Good morning, Angels. Your assignment this week is to go undercover at a Speedo contest, to see who is...um, trying to sabotage...well, whatever, it's a Speedo contest.

Gideon: Didn't we go undercover at an underwear contest two weeks ago?

BJ: Do you know how hard it is to come up with scenarios that get you guys out of your clothes for extended periods? Lifeguard, surfing instructor, stripper, underwear tester, and that's about it.

Sky: What will you be doing while we're risking our lives and our virginity?

BJ: Oh, I'll be very busy...gathering intel....(two musclemen walk past)....taking measurements (a muscleman brings him a drink)...interrogating suspects under the covers...um, I mean undercover. (He ends the Zoom meeting.)

Liam: Wait, I thought BJ was straight. He's married to Judy.

Keefe: Of course he's straight.  He was just talking about detective work.  Everyone on this show is straight except me and my...um...  But there's no word in the English language to describe our sexual identity.  

Liam: Oh, please, you and Kelvin are g---

Keefe (cutting him off): NO WORD in the English language.

More words after the break. Warning: Explicit

Jake Kelley's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: The Maniac K*d and his buff buds and hung homies

 

In Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.1, we flash back to 1968, when the young Eli Gemstone (Jake Kelley) is working as a professional wrestler named the Maniac K*d, and, later, a hired goon for promoter Glendon Marsh.  

The Maniac K*d's backside

He is best friends with Glendon's son, Junior (Tommy Nelson), who will reappear in 2022 his life as a long-lost friend, potential enemy, and possible ex-lover.  Pictured: Ross Lynch.

Jake Kelley had his tv debut as the young Eli, but he and two friends, Mavro Diamante and Harrison Chandler (below), were co-presidents of Steal the Sun Productions, producing "web-series, documentaries, and award-nominated short films." 

In 2023, Jake wrote, produced, and starred in Dogwood, a miniseries about a screenwriter -- Mavro; a director -- Harrison; and an actor -- guess who?  

They form an "unwaivering alliance."  I wonder if any of them are gay.

Jake has also worked in theater and modeling.

More Jake after the break.  Caution: nudity.

"You're the Worst," Episode 5.6: Is Jimmy hooking up with his buddy? Is Rapper Sam still bi? Is Dax a gay porn star?

 

Recently American comedies have been breaking the longstanding rule that sitcom characters have to be nice, the sort of people you'd want to invite into your home in real life.  Of course, the British have been doing it for years, but in the U.S. it's so uncommon that it still comes as a jolt to see someone who isn't very likeable in a sitcom.

You're the Worst, on Hulu, warns you in advance. Jimmy and Gretchen (Chris Geere, Aya Cash) are horrible, amoral people who dislike each other (well, except in the bedroom) and pursue a five-season long romance culminating in a series-finale wedding.  The B-plots usually involve the marital squabbles of another amoral couple who dislike each other, Edgar and Lindsay (Desmin Borges, Kether Donohue).  

I already reviewed an episode where rapper Sam Dresden  gets cancelled for using the f*-word, but turns out to be ok with gay men -- they're good at sucking.  To see if he is still bisexual or straight-but-open-to-oral interests, I reviewed Episode 5.6,  "This Brief Fermata."  According to the Google AI, "A fermata is a musical symbol indicating that a note should be held longer than its normal duration."

Scene 1: Jimmy and Gretchen are planning the table seating for their wedding reception, but Paul, Allan McLeod, is too boring to be placed.  They deserve a break from the drudgery of planning the wedding.  Jimmy suggests Fuck Week, a week where they can have sex with whoever they want.  He is surprised that Gretchen is so quick to agree.  

Scene 2: Monday.  At her job at the public relations firm, Gretchen checks out the hunk bulges and butts.  Assistant Lindsay notes a problem with Rapper Sam, Brandon Mychal Smith: his new track is bad, "Vietnam bad."  

But Gretchen doesn't care: it's Fuck Week, so she and Lindsay can go "day dicking" like they used to, at the Museum of Tolerance and Barney's Beanery -- wait, the notorious "Fagots keep out" joint?

First she has to sign up the new guy, Nok Nok -- Lou Taylor Pucci, top photo.  She figures he's so spaced-out, he'll be easy to snare, but he wants to hear the full pitch -- "Strategy, targets, concept art."  Uh-oh, she'll have to do work instead of getting dick.

Scene 3: Tuesday: Gretchen and Jimmy eat Chinese food while watching Nok Nok's videos and trying to come up with a pitch.  Jimmy has lipstick on his collar -- he's already successfully gotten laid.  Wait -- Buddy Edgar brings him a drink and gazes lustfully, but Jimmy shakes his head. Did they have sex, or is Edgar offering?

Cut to Wednesday: Gretchen revealing her pitch to Nok Nok.  He doesn't like it: how about a hard-scrabble life?  He was on the street at age 15, and he's a single dad?  

Assistant Lindsay went out dicking yesterday, and she, too successfully got laid. By the way, Rapper Sam is angry because his new, terrible track hasn't seen any radio play yet.  But screw it: Gretchen is going to forget about work and get some dick.

Scene 4: Thursday.  Jimmy comes in with a hickey, having gotten laid again. Another lustful gaze from Buddy Edgar.  Are they going at it?  Gretchen is still working. 

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Braxton Alexander: three heterosexual boyfriends, three serial killers, one saxophone, and five bare butts

Born in 2007, actor and model Braxton Alexander had a busy child star career. Strangely, although of course he had no control over the scripts at age eight or nine, his movies and tv shows seem overwhelmingly heteronormative, if not downright homophobic.

 

Four episodes of Mr. Mercedes (2017) as the young Brady Hartsfield, living through the horrific childhood that would turn him into a homophobic mass murderer with psychic powers.

 

(Left: Harry Treadaway, who plays the adult Brady)

The young Callahan in Tag (2018), about a group of friends who play an elaborate game of tag every year, while not making homophobic jokes and fielding gay panic.  

The young Callahan kisses a girl. So you can have boys and girls sparking at each other from the womb, but heaven forbid depicting a gay kid.

(Left: Jon Hamm, who playes the adult Callahan).

Dolly Parton's Christmas on the Square (2020) is intensely heteronormative: the meaning of life is boys and girls gazing at each other forever. Brax plays a singer.

The Black Phone (2021) is about a gay predator who kidnaps young boys (I'm not kidding).  Brax plays a bully, not one of the victims.

In I Want You Back (2022), a dumped boyfriend and girlfriend try to sabotage their exes' new relationships and get them back.  Brax plays a "middle school boyfriend."

Left: Scott Eastwood, who plays one of the targets.

The Summer I Turned Pretty (2022-4) features two brothers in love with a girl named Belly. Brax plays the young Conrad, falling for Belly at the age of 13.

(Left: Brax)

In Black Bird (2022), not to be confused with Blackbird, Jimmy Keane (Taron Egerton, left) is given the task of befriending a suspected serial killer to get a confession out of him. No gay subtext: the guys both display an incessant interest in ladies. 

Brax plays the teenage Jimmy.

More Braxton after the break

"School Spirits": Ghost girl, her gay bff, and their buds solve the mystery. With bonus pics of el novio desnudo

  

I'm a sucker for teenage ghost stories, as long as they are comedies, so I reviewed the first episode of School Spirits on Netflix:

Maddie (Peyton List) wakes up in the boiler room of her high school.  Her blood is splattered around.  But that's not the worst part: she's dead!  She can't touch or move anything.  She can see and hear the living but they can't see or hear her.  And she can't leave the campus!  

Her self-appointed guide is Charlie (Nick Pugliese, center), a gay kid who died in the school during the 1990s (peanut allergy, not hate crime).  He advises her to not try to remember how she died, since she can't change anything: no communication with the living is possible. But don't ghosts communicate with people all the time?  Maybe in the next episode.  And becoming fixated on the past is dangerous: some band members who died in a bus crash many years ago are obsessively performing the school fight song, over and over.

Charlie introduces Maddie to some other ghosts from various decades, notably Wally (Milo Mannheim, top photo and right), who died on the football field, and wishes that he had managed to shower first;  and the Goth Kirsten, who was murdered by her guidance counselor.  

Mr. Martin (Josh Zuckerman), a teacher who died in the school, offers regular group therapy, with regular homework ("write your obituary").  This doesn't get boring after 20 years because ghosts don't experience time in the same way that the living do.  He also advises Maddie to resist checking up on her living friends, as they will gradually forget her and move on.

Of course, Maddie doesn't listen.  She tries to recall events leading up to her death: she made plans to with her BFFs, Simon (Kristian Ventura) and Nicole, to see Carrie that night.  

Her boyfriend Xavier (Spencer MacPherson) was skipping class, and texted her to join him for a smooch session in his car.  She talked him into going to the movie.  They met the others after class with the tickets.  And that's it.

Out in the living world, Maddie's body has not been found, so she gets "missing person" posters and "thoughts and prayers" in class.  The BFFs think that this is ridiculous: they should be out looking for her.  Suddenly Xavier's bag flies open: he has Maddie's cell phone!  Why didn't he tell anyone for the last three days?  This makes him the prime suspect in her murder. The sheriff (Ian Tracey, left), who also happens to be his Dad, arrests him.

Beefcake: Charlie's "office" is the shower room in the boy's gym, where he can watch an endless parade of butts and cocks (just butts are shown).  Otherwise none.

Gay Characters: Charlie, and maybe Maddie's living bff, Simon. A future episode shows us Charlie’s  high school boyfriend, Emilio, who is now all grown up, married to another guy, and teaching at the school (played as an adult by Andres Soto).  Yes, that's his dick, not completely covered by the Scream emoji

Heterosexism: Maddie and her boyfriend kiss about 1,000 times. Of course, they won't be able to in future episodes, but Xavier has been seeing another girl on the side, so doubtless Maddie will be seeing some smooching.

The Mystery:  "Who killed Maddie, and why?"  It's obviously not Xavier or one of her bffs, and those are the major living characters introduced to date.  I also hope that we have some subplots involving the other ghosts.

Gemstone Connection: Both Milo Mannheim and Tony Cavalero appeared on The Conners.

My Grade: A-

More Andres after the break.Caution: explicit.

Agatha All Along: Gay teen and witch trapped in a bad-tv show world. With bonus nekkid guys.

 

Agatha All Along appeared without warning on my Disney Plus page, showing two elderly women and a teenager on a dark wilderness road.  The teenager is Joe Locke, who played a gay character in Heartstopper, and came out in real life twice, at age 12 and 15, so no doubt he plays a gay character here.  I'm not even going to bother with preliminary research.

Scene 1: An elderly woman, maybe Agatha, driving to a crime scene: she's a small town cop suspended for punching a suspect,  but called back for a case only she can work on -- a woman has been found dead in the woods.  Why is it always a woman, never a man?  

Crushed by a heavy object, no id except for one of those old library check-out cards. 

Scene 2: Wait -- her name is Agnes, not Agatha, so who is "all along"?  

She goes to the library, where there's a long line to check out books. Have you been to a library lately?   She cuts -- "Only suckers wait their turn" -- to ask the sarcastic librarian Miss Jones about the check-out card found on the victim.

Miss Jones: "Ooh, is she dead?"

Agnes: "Why do you assume it was a woman?"  Because it's always a woman, nitwit.

Miss Jones: "It's more tit-ilating." Boob joke, har har.

They don't use old-fashioned check-out cards anymore.  The book -- Dialogue and Rhetoric: Known History of Learning & Debate, was marked stolen three years ago.  But there are lots of other copies in Natural Sciences.  Not in English?

Agnes hits the stacks, and there were indeed a dozen copies -- all burnt up. "There was a fire," a mysterious man whispers.  Odd that Miss Jones didn't know that.

Scene 3: At the station, the Chief is played by David Lengel, who looks like Ross from Friends with a porn stash.  

The body shows traces of "a particular microbial sediment found only in Eastern Europe."  That makes no sense.  The woman was killed across the ocean and transported to their quiet New England town. 

Scene 4: In other news, Agnes has to work with the snarky Federal Agent Vidal, whom she hates.  To be fair, Agnes hates everyone.  They may be ex-lovers: Agnes thinks that she requested the assignment just so they could get back together.

Ex-Lover notes that there are no drag marks on the soil, nothing disturbed: the body just got zapped there, as if by magic! 

Agnes scoffs. "In stories about small-town murders, it's always about the hidden secrets of the townsfolk, so let's investigate those."

Scene 5: Norm the pawn shop guy,  played by Asif Ali,  is examining a cameo locket that Agnes brought in: New England, late 17th century, with a lock of hair inside.  He offers $200. 

She just wanted an expert opinion so she could sell it on ebay, har har.  Agnes is rather a jerk, isn't she?

Scene 6: Late at night, Agnes is fiddling around at the station.  She discovers that the first letters of the book's title spell DARKH.   So?

Later, in her huge "TV middle class" house, Agnes goes into a child's bedroom with a teddy bear on the bed and drawings on the table, and music awards: "Nicholas Scratch, First Place." Dead kid?  But Nick and Scratch are both names for the Devil.

Scene 7: Knock on the door: It's the Ex-Girlfriend, with pizza!  Isn't it, like, the middle of the night?

Agnes has a lead: car crash in the town of Eastview an hour before the body was found. Ex-Girlfriend wants to know if she's ever been to Eastview.  "Sure, I'm a world traveler."  Wait...it dawns on Agnes that she's never actually left town.  How is that possible?  

Next Ex-Girlfriend asks "Do you remember why you hate me?"  "No."  It's like it was written into the script, with no back story.  Something is wrong here.

They're interrupted by a clattering -- an intruder in her bedroom, going through her stuff!  She chases him out onto the roof, down a gutter, and down the deserted streets, until Debra Jo Rupp, Grandma Kitty on That 90s Show, accidentally hits him.

Scene 8: The perp is a teenager, played by Joe Locke.  He's sarcastic and insulting, leading Agnes to kick him -- that's what got you suspended, Girl.  Finally he admits that he broke in to look for the Road. 

Agnes thinks he means the road to the murder site, so he's a suspect!  "What you were doing last night between 1 and 3 am?"  "Asleep in bed." "Loser!"  Wait -- being asleep in the middle of the night makes you a loser? 

She pulls out pictures of the murdered woman to confront him with, but suddenly they turn into pictures of flowers on someone's front lawn!   He starts chanting in Latin....and now her Ex-Girlfriend has vanished!  There never was a murder, so of course she would not have been called in.

Scene 9: Agnes visits the coroner's office  -- no body.  Until one appears, with a check-out card instead of a toe-tag, and the last person who checked the book out was Wanda Maximoff!  Agnes is shocked!

Who the heck is Wanda Maximoff?  Answers and nekkid men after the break