"Splitting Adam": Tony Cavalero helps Jace Norman win the Girl of His Dreams. With the stars All Grown Up.

 

While looking through Tony Cavalero's work on the IMDB, I noticed that he had a major role in Nickelodeon's Splitting Adam (2015) -- which make sense, as he was a Nickelodeon staple, starring as the zany music teacher Dewey in School of Rock.  The reviews say that Splitting Adam is awful. and it's not on any of my streaming services, so I'll have to pay for it.  But first the trailer, to check for heterosexism and gay subtexts.

Scene 1: Jace Norman of Henry Danger dances with a girl, wakes up, delivers newspapers,  gets yelled at by a gay-stereotype poof and his pocket dog, gets cheered on by a girl, and gets hit with a golf ball. The Narrator complains that he doesn't have enough time to do everything he needs to do. 

Scene 2: Crash and Splash Amusement Park.  A swimming pool Tootsie Roll, Jace getting yelled at by Jack Griffo and his girlfriend, Jace and his buddy Amar M. Wooten in a dunking booth.  We see that hoary old cliche of the Girl of His Dreams walking in slow motion, waving her hair. 

Top photo: the grown up Jack Griffo.

Scene 3: Amar advises Jace that he doesn't have enough prestige to impress The Girl.  Shot of him holding a yellow barrel over his crotch in the swimming pool. Griffo agrees: "You can barely keep your shorts on."  Is that a sexual double entendre?

Left: recent photo of the grown-up Amar.

Scene 4: Uncle Magic Mitch, a professional stage musician played by Tony Cavalero, arrives in his purple van and shows the guys his new -- tanning bed?  That night Jace sees it glowing, investigates, and accidentally falls in.  Zap! 

In the morning, there's a clone in the house, fully self-aware: "I'm here to help you."  He cooks breakfast. 

Scene 5: Magic Mitch, not to be confused with Magic Mike, is happy with the clone because he made chocolate chip pancakes.   Jace's two friends, Amar and Seth Isaac Johnson, hug each other in terror.  

Scene 6: In the tree house, Jace's friends, whose sole reason for existing is to facilitate getting him laid, devise a plot to use the clones.  They each have different personalities; the Girl is bound to like one of them. Zap! Zap!   

Scene 7: Shot of Jace and two clones, in disguise, entering the amusement park.  Magic Mitch performs. Jack Griffo snarls: "To get to her, you have to go through me!"  

Scene 8: Jace's clones are: the Sensitive One; The Party Boy; Mr. Responsible; Mr. Perfect; and goofball Winston.  Montage of several meeting or hanging out with The Girl,  She complains: "Every time I see you, you seem like a different person."

Scene 9: Of course she prefers the original.  Boy-girl hug. Uncle Magic Mitch tells him: "That's where the magic happens."

Moral: Be yourself.

Beefcake: These are all little kids, but there may be some hunkoids in the swimming pool scene. 

Heterosexism: Of course. The whole plot arc is about winning the Girl of Your Dreams.  We even get tips on how to do it.

Gay Stereotypes: The guy with the pocket dog. Sensitive Jace, although he's obviously heterosexual.

Magic Mitch Questions: Does he know that the tanning bed is a clone machine?  Why is he the sort-of responsible adult -- where are Jace's parents?  Does he get a girlfriend?  The movie probably clarifies things.

Will I Watch: Heck, no.

Grown-up Jace after the break

School of Rock Episode 1.7: Keefe in drag, a gay stereotype kid, a homophobic kid, and Demi Lovato, sort of.

 

Some 13 years after School of Rock (2003), a teencom version premiered on Nickelodeon: School of Rock (2016-2018), with Tony Cavalero playing Dewey, a failed musician turned middle school teacher with a special interest in winning the "Battle of the Bands."

 In 2016 Nickelodeon was still promoting the "all kids are heterosexual" myth, so I doubt that there is any LGBTQ representation. But I'll review Episode 1.7, where Dewey dresses in drag as a scary Goth lady. .

Scene 1: Four kids and Dewey performing, while the others in the classroom watch -- from behind them?   Dewey explains that rock is about showmanship more than music: strut your stuff!  Freddie (Ricardo Hurtado, top photo) does a guitar zing.  Lawrence (Aidan Miner, below) demonstrates that he can play the keyboard with his butt, so Dewey calls him "Lawrence von Butthoven."  Emphasizing one's butt is a queer code.  Summer (Jade Pettyjohn, who will befriend Kelvin and Keefe in RG Season 1) has her face painted onto her tambourine. Lead singer Tomika is hiding.  

Dewey demonstrates the signature moves of Mick Jagger and  Miley Cyrus (a rock musician?).  Zack (Lance Lim, not the naked guy) asks him not to twerk. It would be too erotic for middle school, anyway, but interesting that the boy emphasizes that he definitely doesn't want to see a man being erotic.  He's apparently got a problem with gay men.

Scene 2: Dewey wants to know why Tomika was hiding during practice: she's embarrassed by the funny faces she makes while performing. He points out that her favorite singer, Demi Lovato, is shy in real life, but when she goes on stage, she becomes a confident rocker (these guys have a different definition of "rock").

To boost her confidence, Dewey claims that he knows Lovato and will call and tell her all about Tomika.  Whoops, he's doesn't even know who Demi Lovato is!  He's in trouble now!

Scene 3: Zack and Freddie ooze with horniness over Tomika's new style.  Lawrence thinks they're talking about him (gay joke, har har): "Thanks.  I went with my Superman underwear today."

"We can't actually see your underwear."  Would things be different if you could see it, guys?

Scene 4:  Dewey teaches science, too.  The textbook says that he was wrong: lightning is not caused by two angels having a fistfight.  I'm sure he was joking. After five seconds of science, they scoot the desks aside and start practicing. The newly confident Tomika wants them to play Demi Lovato's "Heart Attack."  

Lawrence asks if it's cool for dudes to like Lovato (that is, does liking Lovato mean that you're gay?).  They assure him that it's fine (e.g., heterosexual).

Tomika tells the band that Dewey and Lovato are besties, and hang out together all the time.  "Sure, when she's in town," Dewey says, hoping that she's far away.  Of course, she happens to be in town, playing the Texas Memorial.  This show is set in Texas?  Ugh, I spent the worst year of my life in Hell-for-Certain, Texas.  That's enough to get a F grade.

The band pleads with Dewey to get Lovato to listen to them play.  Like, sure, even if they were friends, the big star wouldn't want to spend her time off reviewing a middle school band.  She'd want to see the sights, if there are any in...ugh, Texas.

Scene 5: Dewey at Lovato's hotel, trying to bribe the desk clerk with "a prescription for fungal medicine."  Lawrence happens to be staying there; he's on his way to a couple's massage -- with his Mom.  "Gay men are all in love with their mother." Rather a homophobic queer code, but I'll take it.

Scene 6:  Tomika has turned aggressive and demanding: they've practiced the song 15 times, but it's still not good enough.  Plus their outfits and props look like they belong in a middle school.  Well, to be fair, Lawrence doesn't actually play his keyboard.  He just mashes his hands down on several keys at once.   

They try it with disco ball motorcycle helmets, Tomika emerging from a barrel of ink, and a wind machine that destroys everything.  Instantaneous props!  I'm in a 1950s sitcom.  Tomika screams that they're not worthy of her great song.

More after the jump break