Justin Ellings: Kyle from the awful clown episode of "Modern Family" plays Corey Haim and Sean Giambrone, shows his physique and his d*ck

 

In Modern Family Episode 11.1 (2019), high school vice principal Cam invites a group of "wayward teens" to his house to gain their trust by being the "cool mentor."  Things go wrong when his beloved, awful clown figurine goes missing, and he accuses them of stealing it, horrifying the viewers and his husband Mitchell with his increasingly vituperative insults: "You're trash! You're garbage!  Everyone has given up on you!"   Finally Mitchell can't stand it anymore, and announces that they are innocent: he threw out the figurine because it was incredibly ugly.  

Then Cam comes clean -- the kids are actually the high school drama club, playing wayward teens to force Mitchell to confess.  

I'm not happy with the plotline.  Seeing Cam lash out was rough.  And why would  you destroy something that your husband valued?  Something that was on prominent display in the living room?  But it was worth it to see drama club member Kyle, played by Justin Ellings.

19 years old when he filmed the episode.

A Short Guy, 5'6"  Forget the five feet; tell me more about the six inches. 

Endless beefcake photos on his Instagram and Facebook pages. 

Including one where he squirts.

Interestingly, Justin's official website shows a map of his location (so you can stalk him?).  He's on Cahuenga just north of Lexington, near my old gym in West Hollywood.  Cue the nostalgic reminiscences of my years in the gay mecca.

Justin grew up in Milwaukee, where he starred in The Music Man (2011) and The Sound of Music (2012) at the Skylight Opera Theatre Center.  He graduated from Arrowhead High School at age 16, then moved to L.A. to pursue his acting career.

His first major acting role was on the Nickelodeon teencom Sam & Cat (2013): he played Jarvis, one of the kids that the former ICarly star and her girlfriend babysit.  According to the fan wiki, Jarvis is gay.

I doubt that a Nickelodeon show would have a canonical gay character, but even if it was subtext, it's a great beginning.  Unfortunately, Justin's characters in other tv programs, on Girl Meets World (2015). Game Shakers (2017), American Housewife (2018), and Wandavision (2021), don't appear in the plot synopses. 

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Justin is primarily interested in stunt work.  He has 33 stunting credits listed on the IMDB, including episodes of The Middle, Young Sheldon, 13 Reasons Why (where he was presumably Miles Heizer's butt double), 9-1-1, Stranger Things, and The Fabelmans.

 He was Sean Giambrone's stunt double on 19 episodes of The Goldbergs.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Pilot Bunch: Unbreakable boyfriend, zombie boyfriend, teen Jesus manager. With n*de dudes from New Orleans and Hawaii

 

I may have met Pilot Bunch, who played Johnny B., buddy of the teenage Jesus on The Righteous Gemstones, at a Halloween party a few years ago. No, we didn't hook up.

Today he looks a lot like my niece before she began transitioning.  And coincidentally, their boyfriends look very similar, too.

Pilot was born in Kazakhstan, but grew up in Atlanta, where he graduated from Woodward Academy in 2025.   His first acting role was in The Lion King, performed at his elementary school.  He got an agent at age 11, and began appearing on tv at age 14.  To date he has twelve on-screen credits  listed on the IMDB, including:

Four episodes of Drama Club (2021), a Nickelodeon mockumentary about a middle school drama club recruiting a football player (Chase Vacnin).  Sounds like "High School Musical."

Pilot plays Colin, the chem-class lab partner of focus character Mack (a girl).  In an interview in TresA, he says that he loved the character: "witty, sarcastic, and always messing with Curtis (Reyn Doi).  Reyn Doi usually plays gay characters, so we can assume that Colin is gay-subtext or gay-vague.

In 2021, Pilot played Vincent, a resident of the Alexandria Safe Zone, in  the post-apocalyptic The Walking Dead.  "A reckless, immature bully," he and his friends play "chicken" with a child zombie (Augustus Morgan, son of Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who plays antagonist Negan).  He says that the role was fun because he got to hang out with Augustus in his zombie makeup. 

He also has roles on The Wonder Years, 115 Grains, The Hill, and Red One, and some theater, including Shenandoah.  He plays Robert, who is kidnapped by Union soldiers during the Civil War (right, with Caleb Baumann as Gabriel)  Robert isn't dead; Gabriel is his best friend, not an angel.

Pilot's biggest role to date is in The Unbreakable Boy (2025), a biographical heartwarmer featuring Austin (Jacob Laval), who has a brittle-bone disorder and is on the autism spectrum.  Pilot starts out a bully, but becomes Austin closest friend and supporter. In a feature article in Pop Size, he notes that the role has special significance for him, because his brother is on the autism spectrum

Pilot's Instagram contains no pictures of him with girls, except for this one, but he could hardly help it: it was at a friend's birthday party.  Otherwise it's boys all the way down.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Daniel DeSanto: The gay kid in the Midnight Society, a Mean Girl, a Sicilian assassin, a short guy with a big dick. Who cares if he's straight?

 

Submitted for your approval: Nickelodeon's Are You Afraid of the Dark (1992-1996), an anthology of ghost and horror stories told by -- and evaluated by -- a group of teenagers called the Midnight Society.  

It aired at 5:30 pm on weeknights and 9:30 pm on Saturday night, so I didn't watch often, but I recall a few episodes. 

"The Tale of the Water Demon": Tony Sampson steals a gold watch, which draws the wrath of the water demon and threatens his gay-subtext buddy, Charlie Hofheimer

"The Tale of the Zombie Dice":  Jay Baruchel (top photo) fights a video arcade owner who is shrinking teens and selling them as pets.

"The Tale of the Phantom Cab": While lost in the woods, Jacob Tremblay (no relation to Jason Tremblay) and his brother stumble upon a monstrous being who keeps teenagers captive unless they can solve a riddle.

And I recall three of the teen actors who appeared in the frame sections, squabbling, flirting, forming alliances:

Bookish intellectual Gary (Ross Hull, left), the leader.

Frank (Jason Alisharan) the leather-jacket bad boy

Prank-loving, irreverent Tucker (Daniel DeSanto, right), Frank's younger brother, who joins the Midnight Society in Season 3, and stays through the series finale.  He becomes the leader of the Midnight Society in the revival series (1999-2000).

You're probably expecting a profile of Ross Hull, who is gay in real life, and rather built; but Gary turned me off by crushing on Sam (a girl) and eventually dating her.  

Frank competed for Sam's affections, too. 

But Tucker never expressed any heterosexual interest; indeed, he seemed to have a "he's arrogant!" love-hate attraction to Frank. 

He pushes to get his friend Stig (Codie Wilbie) to be admitted to the group in Season 6.  In the revival series, he and his friend Quinn (Kareem Blackwell) found the new Midnight Society together.    

Plus his stories are about friendships that are threatened, or grow stronger, through paranormal peril.  A lot of gay coding for Nickelodeon in the 1990s.

I didn't follow any of Daniel's post-Dark works. Somehow I had the impression that he played Elaine's boyfriend Jake on Seinfeld (a recovering alcohol, he goes off the wagon due to Jerry's negligence, and seeks revenge,)  But the episode aired in 1991, when Daniel was 11 years old.  Jake was actually played by David Naughton. 

When I was reviewing an episode of 100 Things to Do Before High School for my profile of Max Ehrich, I thought I saw him playing Mr. Roberts, the guidance counselor, but that's Jack De Sena

Our Daniel, a Toronto native, was a busy child and teen actor, specializing in horror for obvious reasons:

Gabe, who visits Egypt with his uncle and uncovers a mummy's curse in two episodes of Goosebumps (1995).

Theo in two episodes of The New Ghostwriter Mysteries (1997): he helps the gang and the ghost foil a corrupt cop, and later, thieves who target seemingly worthless items.

Zeke, a teenage theater employee who helps Taylor Handley foil The Phantom of the Megaplex (2000).  

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Max Ehrich: Disney Channel dancer, Dome hacker, gay soap opera teen -- wait, is that a different actor? At least the d*ck is really his

When Max Ehrich (try to type that without adding an "l") appeared on the celebrity penis website, I did some preliminary research, and found that he is gay in real life, dating Connor Paolo, and he played a gay teen on The Young and the Restless.  

So this will be my third profile of a gay soap opera teen.   

Max played Fenmore Baldwin, son of Michael Baldwin and Lauren Fenmore, born in 2006, but turned into a teenager when he took over the role (2012-15).  

Most of his plotline involved drugs:  becoming addicted, stealing drugs from the hospital and spending a month in prison, overdosing and going to rehab.  He was blackmailed into spiking the punch at a party, so everyone would lose consciousness, and Detective Mark Harding (Chris McKenna) could murder Austin, who was having an affair with his niece Summer, and frame her.  

Also Fen is crushing on Summer, so she talks him into a variety of misdeeds, including cyberbullying  Jamie Vernon (not for being gay).  Then, when she starts crushing on Jamie, Fen frames him for theft, is accused of pushing him off the roof, and bullies him into a suicide attempt.

Next Fen's drug dealer, Carmine (Marco Dapper, left), who also happens to be having an affair with his mother, is murdered, and Fen thinks that he did it...

Wait, back up: a crush on Summer?  What happened?  Where is the gay plotline? 

Maybe they meant some other project.  Max begins his career as a Nickelodeon-Disney Channel boy, playing a dancer in High School Musical 3 and Shake It Up, Carly's boyfriend in an episode of ICarly, and CJ's older brother, who gets two girlfriends, in nine episodes of 100 Things to Do Before High School.

In Under the Dome (2013-15), an impenetrable alien dome is lowered over a stereotypic small town. Among the stranded visitors are a lesbian couple, a murderer, and  in Season 2, computer hacker Hunter May (Max).  He gets a girlfriend.

American Princess (2019-20): a mis-titled comedy featuring a girl who abandons her wealthy lifestyle to work at a Renaissance faire.  Max plays her boyfriend. 

Southern Gospel (2023): A "rock n roll star" realizes his childhood dream of becoming a preacher.  Ugh.

It's based on the real-life  Dr. Gary Smith,  who founded the City of Life Church in Kissimmee, Florida. Ugh. 

A Cowboy Christmas Romance (2023): A standard Christmas romcom: lady with a high-pressure career in the Big City spends the holidays in a small town, where she finds love with a cowboy (Adam Senn).  

I don't know which of these guys, if either, is Adam, but Max plays her brother.  The plot synopses on Wikipedia and Decider don't state whether he is gay or not, but presumably not, or there would be massive headlines eveywhere. 

More after the break

"Thundermans Undercover": Gay-vague superhero Jack Griffo flexes, tries to pick up men. With a lot of beefcake and Griffo junk

 

Nickelodeon's Thundermans (2013-18) featured a nuclear family with superpowers trying to live incognito in the normal-powered world. Teenage Phoebe has chosen superhero as her career goal, while her twin brother Max  (Jack Griffo) wants to become a supervillain.  He trains under Doctor Colossus, a supervillain transformed into a rabbit, and later the sensei of evil, Dark Mayhem.  Eventually Max decides that being a supervillain would be too destructive for his family, so he switches career paths and teams up with Phoebe.  They become the Thunder Twins.

Max was heavily gay-coded, with minimal interest in girls.  When he does ask a girl out, it is often because he wants to use her to acquire something of value, or to continue to hide his secret identity.  Or he'll date a girl once and find an excuse to drop her.  I did that quite often in high school, too.  Anything to get out of that darn good-night kiss.

The spin-off Thundemans Undercover (2025) has the grown-up and bulked-up Thunder Twins going undercoer in Secret Shores, Florida, to investigate a new supervillain threat.  Superheroes work pro bono, so to pay the rent, Phoebe gets a job as an art teacher at Secret Shores High School, and Max becomes the assistant principal.  Don't you need years of teaching experience to qualify to be principal? They are also living together and parenting their little sister Chloe, who happens to be a student. 

The familial relationship between Max and Phoebe, and the fact that the Chloe is the real focus character, eliminates the need for hetero-romance. Phoebe dates once in the first season, but Max continues to be gay-vague.  

I'm reviewing Episode 1.9, "No Friend in Sight."

Scene 1: After a long day of school and superhero training, teenage Chloe is trying to have "Me-Time with No Max."  She settles down with a giant bowl of popcorn (essential for watching tv on tv, but never in real life) and turns on Glove Island.  Whoops, Max appears, and wants to hang out.  

Nope, Chloe zaps herself into the kitchen to watch alone.  Now Phoebe appears and wants to hang out!

She tries zapping into the superhero lair, but both Max and Chloe follow.

Frustrated, she announces "I'm going to Splats."  But they grab her hands as she zaps -- she's stuck with them. 

Scene 2: Splats, the standard teencom hangout.  Chloe criticized her guardians for wanting to spend every moment with her. They should make some friends of their own.  

It can't be hard to make friends, right?  Phoebe rushes up to a girl and exclaims "My future maid-of-honor!  We both wear pants!", scaring her away.

Scene 3: Apprised of how not to come on too strong, Max heads to the gym. Personal trainer Jim asks if he wants to sign up for a chance to win tickets to a party hosted by A-List Elixers, where they will introduce their $100 milkshake.  Max pushes: "My new best friend!"  Turned off, he walks away.

Jim is played by gay actor/model Austin Trapp, who you have seen in Yellowjackets, Tracker, and So Help Me Todd.

Max tries to attract the next guy by flexing. It's a gym, babe -- everybody is  muscular.  Try winning him over with your wit and charm...oh, right.  Better flex.

Buffed Dude agrees to spot him, but when Max requests "a lifetime of friendship," he gets spooked and rushes away.

More after the break.

Finn Carr: The "Alexa & Katie" kid grows up, swims, flexes, does drag, and plays a gay-subtext soap opera teen.

Alexa & Katie (2018-20) was a Netflix sitcom (actually a drama with jokes) about two high school buddies: Alexa, who tries to hide having cancer so no one will treat her differently, and Katie, who is wearing a wig in solidarity.  Plots involve joining the basketball team, competing over boys, befriending other kids with cancer, and so on.  

Ricky Garcia and Liam Attridge, members of the band Forever in Your Mind, play gay-subtext buddies Cameron and Steve.  

This is a profile of the kid in the middle, Finn Carr.

Left: A random nude dude to tide you over.

Finn started his career in modeling -- you can see him here in an "Own the School Year Like a Hero" campaign for Wal-Mart. There's also a giant banner over his head.

He  played Wilbur, son of single dad Owen (Michael McMillan) and grandson of single mom Joy (Jane Leeves of Frasier) on Hot in Cleveland (2014)

The young version of special agent and genius Spencer Reid (Matthew Gray Gubler) on Criminal Minds (2016).

Lewis Gladstone, son of Joey Gladstone (David Coulier) and member of a sibling singing group called Gladstone Four on Fuller House (2016-17).

Katie's little brother on Alexa & Katie: a video game addict, aware of Alexa's secret and fine with kids who have cancer.  Here he's trying out drag with his tv sister's wig.  He goes into full drag later.

After Alexa, he played Derek Fox-Lubiner, two episode boyfriend of Millicent, dealing with the disapproval of her stepfather Freddie (Nathan Kress)  on ICarly (2022).

Brian,, the debate team opponent, crush, and boyfriend of demonic guardian Scary (a girl) on Pretty Freekin Scary (2023).  

 

And then he suddenly grew up.

Well, almost.  As of this writing, Finn is a week from his 17th birthday.  

And rather built, as you can see from the interplay of muscles in this rock-climbing photo.

More after the break

Searching for gay-subtext buddy-bonds on "The Really Loud House." With gay Dads and a heck of a lot of butts

Lately I've been nostalgic for one of those old-fashioned gay-subtext buddy couples, not interested in girls, invested only in each other, that we used to see everywhere: Jonny and Hadji, Terry and Raji, Alix and Enak, Ricky and Alfonso on Silver Spoons, Larry and Kennard in Darkover.   I even bought a new book, The Town with the Butterfly Problem, because PJ and his best friend Grant are traveling through the fantasy world together, and no heterosexual romances are mentioned in the plot synopsis -- but in the very first paragraph, he's trying to impress a cute girl. Ugh! Right into the trash!

Paramount Plus recommended The Really Loud House, a live-action sequel to The Loud House (2016-2025).  You know, the one with a nuclear family consisting of mom, dad, 3,000 girls and one boy.  

The live action version centers on the boy, Lincoln Loud  (Wolfgang Schaeffer), having adventures with his best friend, Clyde McBride (Jahzir Bruno).  No doubt a classic gay-subtext buddy couple!

The original had some LGBT representation.  Clyde has two dads; one of the girls expresses a "blink and you'll miss it" interest in a girl; another has a gay friend, Miguel (queer actor Tonatiuh Elizarraraz), who appears in four episodes but only alludes to being gay once, when he gets a boyfriend (Vladimir Versailles) in another "blink and you'll miss it" moment.

So maybe Lincoln and Clyde will have more than a gay-subtext buddy-bond.  Maybe they'll be boyfriends!  

I'm reviewing episode 1.6, "School Dance," to see if the boys go together.  Or if there are any same-sex couples dancing.  Or both.

Scene 1: The kids are making decorations for the Big Dance at their middle school, the Kangaroo Hop, while journalist Liam (Gavin Maddox Bergman) films interviews with them.  

Gavin Maddox Bergman played Oliver Twist in Spirited (2022), young Ben in Salem's Lot (2023), and Cal Starr in Americana (2024).  I'm getting a gay vibe from him, but the character of Liam is heterosexual.

First interview: Rusty Spokes (Nolan Maddox) and his girlfriend Charlie (named after a boy to provide a gay tease for those of us reading episode synopses).  They discuss how much they love each other.  "My favorite color is your eyes..." Rusty exclaims.  Holy sh*t, these people are twelve years old. Were they, like, born horny? 

Nolan Maddox (Rusty Spokes) is now 18, but this is not his butt. 

Strikingly femme Lincoln watches mournfully.  Best buddy Clyde consoles him over Rusty dating Charlie.  Wait -- you're into Charlie, femme boy?  Did you not notice that she's a girl?.

When it's Lincoln's turn to be interviewed, he notes that he was going bring "just friend" Stella (figures you have a lot of girl "just friends").  But she's at a science fair, so it will be solo.  

And Clyde will be going with dad's chiropracter's daughter.

Scene 2: Interview with Best Buddy Clyde's dads.  They are concerned that their son has not yet found his First Love.  He's in middle school, much later than most kids.  They are so desperate for him to click with "that someone special" that they arrranged for Clyde's date with the chiropracter's daughter.  So he hasn't expressed any heterosexual interest, yet the two gay guys never consider for a minute that he might be gay.  That's awfully heteronormative of them.

Ray Ford (Dad Harold), seen here at his godson's graduation, doesn't mention kids of his own, but half of his Instagram photos show him cheek-to-cheek with various ladies, so I'm guessing straight in real life.

Stephen Guarino (Dad Howard) kisses a boy in Eastsiders, and makes out with a dude while naked in Bearcity, so I'm going to guess that he's gay in real life.  Left: his butt.

Yes, I know that having two dads as a focus of the episode rather than just hanging around is a step forward. On Ducktales (2020), they just stood on stage, not speaking, for a moment at their daughter's award ceremony.  But they're heteronormative bias is still annoying.

I'm skipping over a plot about baseball or something.

Scene 3: The Dads were looking forward to taking the pre-dance photos at their house, memorializing Clyde's move into his heterosexual destiny forever.  I feel your pain, Clyde: my parents still have a photo of me and the girl I brought to the Harvest Dance about a year before I figured it out -- five boyfriends and a gay marriage later, it's still on the dresser in their bedroom!  

Uh-oh, Best Buddy Clyde calls: the pre-dance photos will be taken at the Loud House, to take advantage of the appetizers provided by Femme Lincoln's dad.   "No problem, have fun," the Dads say as their hearts are crushed.

Now they become irate:  "The Louds have burglared our milestone -- the most important moment of our child's life."  Most important moment?  Really?  Why are you so anxious for your son to be heterosexual?  What's wrong with gay people, gay dudes? 

More butts after the break

Matthew Underwood: The "Zoey 101" It-Boy Logan plays himself again and again...and again, posts dick pics. With bonus Noah Beck

 

The internet was all agog over pictures of Matthew Underwood's penis.  I wasn't impressed.  First, the guy doens't even show his face.  Second, he rubs me the wrong way.  I can't quite remember how.

Oh, yeah.  It's that annoying smugness.  It's one thing to be heterosexual -- lots of guys are.  It's another to brag about it.  "I'm so entirely heterosexual, I'm the most heterosexual of all heterosexuals, I can heterosexualize anywhere, anytime.  Every girl wants to be with me, and every guy wants to be me."

It's not just his character: this photo came directly from Matt's Instagram, posted in 2025.

Born in "The Sunshsine State of Florida" in 1990, Matt began acting at the age of eight, and appeared on screen in some guest spots before hitting paydirt in Zoey 101 (2005-08).

Zoey (Jamie Lynn Spears) and her brother Dustin (Paul Butcher) are students at the prestigious Pacific Coast Academy, filmed on location in Malibu instead of on a sound stage.  Her coterie includes:

1. Logan (Matthew Underwood),  the fabulously wealthy son of a famous actor, an it-boy who is basking in the absurdly exaggerated longing of every girl who sees him.  Eventually he settles down with the nerd Quinn (see, looks aren't everything).

2. Chase (Sean Flynn, left), in love with Zoey but trapped in the "friend zone."  Eventually, she realizes that she is in love with him, but then she leaves him again.

2. Michael (Christopher Massey, right), mostly in charge of advising Chase to admit his feelings, although he eventually gets a girlfriend of his own.

Matt reveals that just after Zoey, when he was 19, he was sexually harassed and then assaulted by his agent. The trauma prompted him to move away from Los Angeles and retire from acting.

He returned in 2017 to direct and star in two tv pilots with Sean Flynn, playing themselves: The Magic Studio, about kids who find magic rings, and The Golden Stars, about missing award statues. 

And some shorts: Time Hoppers (2018), Matt and Sebastian Cabanas in silly costumes.

The Alien (2019): Matt (playing himself) and some girls meet a classic grey.

The Unicorn Sisters (2019): Matt helps some grieving girls write poetry. 

Kind of full of yourself, aren't you, Matt?

He appears with some girls in Remi (2021) and with the entire Zoey gang in the Jamie Spears music video Follow Me (2020).

Noah Beck plays an alternative Logan.  No, I don't think that the penis is real.

Matt returned to the Zoey universe in Zoey 102 (2023): A struggling 32 year old film producer, Zoey is asked to be maid of honor at Quinn and Logan's wedding.  It took them 14 years to get married?  She also resolves her feelings for Chase.  After 14 years, he's moved on, girlfriend.

Matt's social media is mostly generic, landscapes, weird jokes, boating, pictures taken with the Zoey gang. He is currently single, his last heterosexual relationship (that he told fans about) in 2015. 

Ready for the cock pics?  #1: Impressive size, but the physique is nondescript, and dude doesn't even show his face.

#2: Full arousal.  This must be from a different session, since he's wearing pants.

3. I censored a silly emoji.

Not bad, but I'd rather see Noah Beck's abs.

See also:  Shane Harper: the "Good Luck Charlie" and "God's Not Dead" guy shows his dick surprisingly often

Nathan Kress, Freddie from ICarly, grown up. Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his dick?

"Malibu Rescue": Ricardo Hurtado hits the beach for a retro 1980s nerd-jock battle, with bonus lifeguard photos