When I was growing up, you almost never saw a bare chest on tv. On the rare occasions when it happened -- Sulu fancies himself a swordsman on Star Trek, Ponch and Jon hit the beach on CHIPS, Kevin poses for an art class on Mr. Belvedere -- you felt an intense, palpable joy. Not desire so much as understanding. This is it, what we were made for. Beauty. Truth. The Eternal Masculine.
With the advent of cable and then streaming tv, nearly every actor took off his shirt frequently, and some even put their butts and cocks on display. And of course we can go online and see 100 naked men before breakfast. When you see it all the time, that shock of joy vanishes.
But it returned on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011, the night before Thanksgiving, when Suburgatory aired Episode 1.8, "Thanksgiving."
Suburgatory (2011-14) starred Jeremy Sisto (left, showing his sausage) as George Altman, an architect who moves his teenage daughter Tessa (Jane Levy) from Manhattan to Chatswin, Connecticut. She is not pleased, but she tries to find some semblance of cool amid the Mean Girls, Dumb Jocks, and Ladies Who Lunch.
It was not our favorite show -- mostly women in the cast, a lot of heterosexism, and some low-key gay stereotyping -- but it aired between The Middle and Modern Family, so we had no choice.
Left: George's butt.
In Episode 1.8, it's Thanksgiving in Chatswin, and Tessa is upset because Dad George has rejected their traditional Manhattan activities for dinner with the ultra-rich Dallas Royce. In the B Plot, Tessa's friend Lisa is upset because her middle-class Mom, Sheila Shay, insists that she wear a "Puritan dress" to their Thanksgiving Dinner.
When Tessa and Dad George arrive at the Royce mansion, they see shirtless valets parking the guests' cars.
Whoa, that shock of joy came rushing back!
Maybe because it was so unexpected. Who hires shirtless valets? Especially at Thanksgiving, when it's in the 30s and 40s out? And there are twelve people at that party. Why do they need four valets?
Director Alex Hardcastle was not even trying to be realistic. He presented us with a vision of masculine beauty to counterbalance the feminine vibe of the rest of the episode (spoiler alert: Tessa's friend Lisa spends about ten minutes of air time naked, in protest of that Puritan dress).
The first Indian Valet vanishes immediately, but when George's friend Noah hands his car keys to the second, we get a bare chest and shoulders close-up. He looks like a college athlete.
He disappears, but as Noah walks toward the door, we see the two Pilgrim valets, one extremely muscular, the other a rather thin twink. No closeups, but they are visible for several seconds, organizing the various parking slips.
Later we get quick glimpses of the two Indian Valets at the Royce table, so they must be Royce relatives co-opted for the job. The Pilgrim Valets are visible at the middle class Shay table, so presumably they were hired.
The Muscular Pilgrim is regular character Ryan (Parker Young), son of the middle-class Sheila Shay. Parker appeared in 27 episodes, and went on to take off his shirt in Imposters, A Million Little Things, 9-1-1 Lone Star, and Going Dutch.
Straight in real life, no nude photos online except for a blurry butt shot.
The First Indian Valet vanishes immediately, so I concentrated my research on the Second Indian and the Thin Pilgrim. When I first watched, I figured that they were Tessa's classmates, Evan (who has a crush on her) and Joey (a guest at the Welcome to Chatswin Barbecue). But on a second watch, I realized that the valets look nothing like Evan and Joey, and actors Sam Lerner (middle) and Justin Prentice do not appear in the cast list.
Wealthy Royces
Left: This post was a little cock-light, so here's a random twink.
But who are the actors? In 2011 I let the scene slip into memory, but last night I saw it again during a rewatch, and with 15 years of experience on this website and the G-rated one, I was equipped to research their other acting roles, look for nude photos, and check their social media to see if they are gay.
More after the break.
The Muscular Pilgrim is regular character Ryan (Parker Young), son of the middle-class Sheila Shay. Parker appeared in 27 episodes, and went on to take off his shirt in Imposters, A Million Little Things, 9-1-1 Lone Star, and Going Dutch.
Straight in real life, no nude photos online except for a blurry butt shot.
The First Indian Valet vanishes immediately, so I concentrated my research on the Second Indian and the Thin Pilgrim. When I first watched, I figured that they were Tessa's classmates, Evan (who has a crush on her) and Joey (a guest at the Welcome to Chatswin Barbecue). But on a second watch, I realized that the valets look nothing like Evan and Joey, and actors Sam Lerner (middle) and Justin Prentice do not appear in the cast list.
Too bad. Sam Lerner is gay in real life, and has several nude photos online.
The only other men in the cast list, both on the IMDB and at the end of the episode, are:
George, Tessa's Dad.
His friend Noah (Alan Tudyk, right).
The Middle Class Shays
Fred (Chris Parnell, left), Sheila's husband.
Gary (Dan Sachoff), her brother-in-law
Wealthy Royces
Steven (Jay Mohr, left), Dallas' husband
Jasper (Jeremy Howard), who doesn't look like any of the valets.
And two actors who appear in the C Plot (about George sneaking into Manhattan to see a non-suburban girlfriend).
I even checked the complete cast list for the series, to see if the valet had been misplaced. A lot of recognizable names, everyone from Julia Duffy to Whoopi Goldberg, but only one Valet, and not these guys.
I tried the Second Indian Valet on Google Images for facial recognition. Nothing.
They must be unidentified extras. How about a search for "Suburgatory" and "extra," in case an actor happened to mention being a Thanksgiving valet in 2011. Nothing.
The research was a dead end, but that actually adds to the joy. You know nothing about the person other than their face and physique. They are pure masculine beauty.
Left: This post was a little cock-light, so here's a random twink.
See also: Imposters: Gay Subtexts in a Long Con. With Parker Young.
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