Gemstones Episode 4.8: BJ's hookups, Corey's birthday blade, and Tyler's tree trunk

 

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.7, Continued: Teenjus meets the Devil.  So does Kelvin. With a gay Christian, Jordanian junk, and Dustin's d*ck

 Title: "On Your Belly You Shall Go." Genesis 3.14, KJV: The Serpent tempted Adam and Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, leading to their knowledge of good and evil, so God curses it: "On your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life."  I imagine that we'll just see someone getting eaten by a snake.  Or a gator.

A Homosexual in Our Midst: Fox News broadcasts "Vance Simkins Loses Control at Award Ceremony."  He yells "They let a homosexual in our midst!" and starts punching and hitting people before being dragged off stage. 

Jesse, watching, tells Amber "I fucking love this."  Amber agrees: "He is a very negative man."   They argue about what role Jesse had in Kelvin's victory, but end up agreeing that he was important "behind the scenes."

BJ's Hookups:  Judy wheeling BJ and the Monkey through the park, complaining that they used to do picnics and hookups.  Now they can't do that.  So BJ and Judy used to go on Grindr and invite guys over?  Tell me more.

BJ wants to show her something: He can get out of the wheelchair and walk a few steps before falling.  Then a few more steps.  "I am healed!" he yells.  The Monkey is not happy.

Cut to Eli is sitting in the dark, looking at photos of him with Lori.  He decides to cut his hair.  Thank God -- he looked horrible that way.

The Monkey Smokes: Family dinner at Jason's, around a round table, with the newly cleaned-up Eli, and the Monkey bringing dinner rolls to BJ.   Everyone praises Eli for cutting his hair; Jesse quips that he looked like "one of those Shakespearean witches."  So we've moved from Hamlet to Macbeth.

They wonder why BJ hasn't returned the Monkey, since he's cured.  He wants to keep it.

Pontius and Gideon, now friends, want to see the Monkey smoke, so Baby Billy pulls out a cigarette.  Like Kelvin, Gideon has decided to be "true to himself" and not be straitjacketed by societal expectations about Christian youth.  

The Monkey smokes!  Kelvin and Keefe want to get one: it would be a great addition to Game Night.  So they have a Game Night?  Who do they invite, gay couples?

Uh-oh, the Monkey starts to masturbate.  

The Monkey Turns Murderous: Judy is taking a bath when the Monkey comes in and grabs a plugged-in hair drier.  Hey, that will electrocute her!    He comes closer and closer, while Judy pleads: "Please don't murder me."  BJ rings the bell, and he rushes out.

She goes downstairs, where BJ is reading a romance novel, Sunkissed and Sentimental (not real) , and watching Chowder (2007-2010), a cartoon about an apprentice chef in a world where everyone is named after food (Kimchi, Mung Daal, Truffles, Gazpacho).  I'm not sure about the significance.

BJ refuses to believe that the Monkey is murderous, so she spins it, saying that he should be with someone who needs his help.

Losing a Pet: Happy Helping Hands arrives, with Amber and Brody to take the Monkey away. Crying, BJ notes that the Monkey has attachment issues ever since he lost his mother at a young age.   "He was beautiful, and he believed in me."  For anyone who has had to give up a pet, this is heartbreaking.  

Left: Brody is played by Chris Rubiez. a "dad/husband" from Roanoke, Virginia, "half Lebanese and half country boy." 

Ok, we've had the Sad Scene.  Now let's try for some Comedy.

Turn My Water into Wine: The Nanny grills a giant sausage at the beach while Tiffany and her kids sit at a picnic table. Baby Billy was supposed to be here an hour ago!  

Cut to Baby Billy snorting cocaine, and then playing Teenjus, who has just turned water into wine.  Johnny B (Pilot Bunch) proclaims that this will make him the hit of the village party, and he won't be bullied for having a virgin mother. 

Cut!  No Virgin Mom in the script!  No ad-libbing.  "Say exactly what I f*king wrote!"  I wouldn't be surprised if Johnny B walks.

Baby Billy stomps back to the Director's Tent to snort some more cocaine.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 4.6, continued: Cobb smashes, Corey lies, and Kelvin is traumatized for life. With Mongolian men and Jace's junk

 

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.6: Kelvin cruises teen idols, Jesse hangs dong, and Cobb gets his cobb bit off. With Ricky Martin and the Italian Stallion

Gator Farm: Close-up of alligaators and scary snakes, then the gift shop (Cobb sells "gemstone necklaces," har har).  

Corey (Sean Ryan Fox, in bed with his Henry Danger co-star Jace Norman) is helping close up for the evening.  Daddy Cobb asks if he wants to stay for dinner -- he could cook some hot dogs --  but Corey has to go to the mansion and hang out with the Gemstone kids while the parents are out.

"That rich bitch Aimee-Leigh done poisoned your mama's brain!" Cobb sneers.

"It's ok -- I won't even be with her, just with the kids."  He begs his Sad Dad to not force him to choose between his parents.

Cut to the Eli, Aimee-Leigh, and Lori getting ready to leave, while the kids are playing Monopoly. Presumably they've already had dinner.  Jesse is in charge.  "Just promise that you won't burn the house down."

Wait -- Corey is 26 or 27 years old, well into adulthood.  Shouldn't he be in charge?

Time Moves Slowly: The adults at dinner at Oakwood.  Aimee-Leigh suggests that they sing some of their songs in front of an audience, to see their reaction.  Shouldn't you do this before recording?   

She pulls a surprised Lori onto the stage for "Time moves so slowly." Lori and Aimee-Leigh definitely have a lesbian butch-femme couple look here. Lesbian subtext?

Later, while Lori is talking to the band, Eli tells Aimee-Leigh that he visited  Cobb: the marriage is unsalvageable.  They discuss how solid their own marriage is.

Hold My Hand: At home, the kids are singing karaoke.  Kelvin's turn: "Kryptonite," by 3 Doors Down (2000). Corey hugs him for:

If I go crazy, then will you still call me Superman?

If I'm alive and well, will you be there and holding my hand?

Check out Corey's risque tv shirt ("I'm naked under here!") and crotch-enhancing belt buckle.  He is presenting himself as a sexual being, with erotic interests that are not addressed elsewhere in the season (even as an adult, Corey displays little or no interest in his wife).

They decide to go out for tacos and chalupas, but Kelvin stays behind.  "You all bore me! I need to take a bubble bath and read for a bit." He's going to get busy with Judy's teen idol magazines.  But isn't he too young to be left home alone?

Meanwhile, Cobb is drinking and feeding his gators.

The Bible Thief: Cut to Corey, Jesse, and Judy at a Mexican restaurant.  Cobb calls to see if his son is still at the mansion.   "No, we all left to get Mexican food."  When they're done, could he drive to Norton Bridge?  His truck broke down.

Cobb is actually at the back gate of the Gemstones compound.  He puts on a ski mask, climbs over the gate, and tromps through a thunderstorm.  He breaks through a window to enter the house.  Kelvin, in Judy's room tearing pictures of hot guys from Tiger Beat, hears the noise, thinks that the kids have returned, and runs downstairs.

The Mongolian throat singing in the background is "Wolf Totem," by the metal/folk group The Hu. The lyrics in English translation are heard during the closing credits:

If lions come, we will fight until the end

If you come as snakes, we'll become Garuda birds

If you come as tigers, we'll face you as lions with blue manes

Cobb pees into a booze bottle, steals the Golden Bible and other stuff, and goes through the house, smashing everything he can find.  Kelvin watches from the kitchen, then runs to hide in his bedroom.  But Cobb smashes the stuff there, too and, hearing a noise, raises the bed.  Kelvin screams.  Cobb runs out.

Cut to Corey and company at Norton Bridge, waiting to help Cobb with his "stalled truck," wondering why he's not around. 

The adults arrive.  The house is ransacked, and the kids are gone!  They rush through the house calling for them.  Aimee-Leigh pulls Kelvin out from under the bed and hugs him.  The poor boy is traumatized for life. 

Corey Protects His Dad: The police arrive.  Judy complains that the intruder tore up her "Teen Hunk" magazines, but Jesse points out that he destroyed all their stuff, and angry-kicks.

Aimee-Leigh says that they have no idea who did it, but "a lot of people don't like us." Ok, now I see the point of the parking-lot debacle: to make the Gemstones think that someone besides Cobb trashed their house.  

Corey is sitting at the dining room table by himself, staring into space. Lori asks if he's ok.  He lies and says that Cobb had car trouble, so they gave him a jump.  Won't that story fall apart if they ask Jesse and Amber?  

The Devil's Piss: In the study, Jesse helps himself to a cigar and talks to his Dad about the loss of the Gold-Plated Bible.  

He wonders if Eli and Aimee-Leigh or he and Amber will ever get a divorce.  Nope, Eli assures him, true love is forever: "I'll be with Aimee-Leigh until the day I die." Or until the day she dies.

About the baby's name: Instead of Stallone, Eli suggests Gideon.  His story is in the Book of Judges: he had doubts about following God's commands, but eventually he raised an army, and defeated the Midianites.  The people wanted him to become king, but he refused: "There is no king but God."  Jesse likes the name.  

Aimee-Leigh and Lori inspect the trashed recording studio, and suggest that the intruder  "had the Devil in him."

Back in the study, Jesse helps himself to some bourbon.  Eli strangely waits until he takes a sip to note that the intruder pissed in it.  Call back to Keefe's Episode 4.2 monologue about people drinking the Devil's piss.  Now we know who the Devil is -- unless it's a misdirection.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 4.6: Kelvin cruises teen idols, Jesse hangs dong, and Cobb gets his cobb bit off. With Ricky Martin and the Italian Stallion

 

Previous: Gemstone Episode 4.5, Continued: Kelvin crashes, the Monkey fumes, and Eli gets a wake-up call

Title: "Interlude IV."  The Interlude is usually Episode 5, but this season started with a stand-alone.  We're halfway through the action in the present day, with Kelvin's meltdown, Judy's jealousy over the monkey, and Eli and Lori dealing with violence.

The New Parking Lot: 2002.  Eli is standing before the County Zoning Board, discussing his plan to build a 10-acre parking lot at the Salvation Center, which would involve buying and demolishing neighboring houses.   He claims that they bring thousands of people to town, who spend money, so it's a "win-win" situation.  Aimee-Leigh points out that they're also bringing in jobs.  The townsfolk growl and complain.  So am I.  Zoning restrictions?  How boring can you get? 

Cute council member Terry Cook is eating a donut.  A background player notes that they did several takes, asking him to convey anger and eat an egg.  

The cast list is not yet up on the IMDB, and googling "Terry Cook" doesn't work, but he looks like Jamie McGuire, the creepy-grin creature on "From." 

 The council president yells: "You may be able to buy out desperate people, Dr. Gemstone, but that doesn't make it right!"   She notes that the county board usually rubber-stamps their crazy plans, but not this time: "The crowd of people behind you is voiceless, and someone has to be their voice!"  

The plan is rejected, and the couple leaves in defeat. Aimee-Leigh wonders why they're even doing this ministry stuff.

Eli: "For the lake house."  That is, for the money. Um...serving God?  Spreading the Gospel? Helping people?

They walk out into a huge demonstration.  Someone shoves pies in their faces.

Writers: This sequence has no connection to the plot.  In Season 3, the Y2K scandal caused Peter's meltdown and enmity toward the Gemstones, but Cobb's enmity has nothing to do with the new parking lot.

Corey Defends Daddy: At the lake house, Lori's husband Cobb (Michael Rooker) is trying to water-ski, but Eli drives too fast, and he capsizes. His manhood challenged, he splutters and swears. 

Meanwhile, on a raft-slide, Young Judy and Jesse laugh at him, which upsets Young Corey.

Young Kelvin defends him, pointing out that at least Cobb is trying, whereas Jesse spends all his time "being bad, having sex."  This has resulted in Amber getting pregnant.  The enraged Jesse tries to attack, but Corey stops him.

A New Album: While Lori and Aimee-Leigh watch their husband in the water, posturing to see who will become the Silverback, they advise the very pregnant Amber that she should go inside and take a nap.  She refuses, so they discuss how much they dislike their kids until Amber gets tired of it and leaves.

Then they discuss recording a new album; they haven't recorded together in years. 

Cut to the studio, where they are making up song lyrics while Judy listens.  Kelvin eavesdrops from outside the door. 

More after the break