"Christmas on Cherry Lane": Three families, including a gay couple, with a big plot twist that you won't see coming

 

Christmas on Cherry Lane (2023) stars Vincent Rodriguez III, the muscular, bulging actor who specializes in family-friendly gay guys.  I figured I would watch in the background while doing other things on my laptop, but no, it requires you to pay attention.  There's a major plot twist.  I'm giving only the character names, not the actors' names.

There are three families on Cherry Lane on Christmas Eve

Family 1: John and Lizzie, who is due in two weeks,  just moved into the house, and are planning a quiet Christmas alone. They put up the tree and sing "Oh Come, All Ye Faithful," with a Hallmark Tree Trimmer ornament.  This will become important later.

Suddenly Lizzie's Mom and Dad arrive, and announce that they invited her brother and his family!  But Johnand Lizzie haven't even unpacked. Where will they put all those people?  

Left: Dad Frank 

Family 2: Regina and her friend Daisy, not shown, unpack Christmas decorations.  Her back story: she's a widow with adult children, and a boyfriend named Nelson.    

The adult kids, Winnie and Conrad, arrive in a horrible car.  Why does he keep it, now that he's making a ton of money?  Because his Uncle Ham gave it to him after Dad died. This will be important later.  

Sister Winnie doesn't have a job, except singing at open-mike nights for tips, but she'll be a famous singer one day, she says.  Mom wants her to try business school.

Mom announces that she's getting married to her Boyfriend, and she's selling the house and moving to Florida.  The adult children do not like this at all, and plot to break them up.

Family #3: Zian, left, and Mike, who works as a chef at a restaurant called Repair. They just moved into their house, too, and they're planning a Christmas Eve party tonight with twelve people.  Except contractor Quinn and his crew haven't finished remodeling the kitchen yet.  He brings them a plate of Christmas cookies, complements them on what a cute couple they are, and asks if "that famous singer" is coming to the party.  This will be important later.

Mike is freaking out.  Maybe they could move the party to the restaurant?  No, this is the first Christmas in their new house, where they're going to raise their family, so it's important to hold it here.  They walk outside and sit on lawn chairs in the cold and sing "Silent Night."  All of it.

Speaking of starting a family, the lady from the adoption agency tells them that the foster family they were placing a girl with backed out, so they're getting a child tonight -- on Christmas Eve.  With twelve people coming for a party.  Hopefully a family-friendly party.  How are they going to get a bedroom ready?

More plot complications after the break.  Spoiler alert: it's a big plot twist.

"The Holiday Exchange": Immensely wealthy A-gays look for love at Christmas. Watch with your grandmother

  

It's not even Halloween yet, but the romcoms are started.  

Darn, they all have such interchangeable titles that I forgot which one I'm reviewing. Oh, right, The Holiday Exchange, on Amazon Prime.  

The icon shows a woman torn between two men, and the blurb is about a guy going on a "holiday exchange" that he found on a gay app, so I suspect some "mistaken for gay" jokes as the guy finds the Girl of His Dreams.

Scene 1: A guy wearing an eye mask and a frilly shirt wakes up -- gay. Close-up of a photo of him and his boyfriend -- gay.  He knocks it over, drinks some booze, and shaves and applies femme moisterizer products -- gay. 

A guy texts: "Wilde, call me back," but he ignores it.  Moisturizer guy is named Wilde, like Oscar?  Gay. He's played by Taylor Frey, top photo, who also wrote the screenplay.

Knock on the door: It's femme fashion designer Chase, Colton Tran, and a woman, with ideas for his wedding outfit: "Your Mom told us that your Big Day was coming."

"Nope, you misunderstood, I'm not getting married, I'm selling my company."

"Oh, well, we have ideas for that, too."

Wilde goes annoyingly over the top complementing Fashion Designer Chase; he is an angel, a shining light, goodness personified; he has created everlasting happiness for literally thousands of people by...um...designing their clothes. 

Back story: Wilde just dumped his boyfriend, Sean.

Scene 2:  An idyllic village, over the top idyllic, Currier & Ives idyllic. 

George tells his business partner Oliver, Rick Cosnett, how they met, confesses to drinking too much, and then lays on the over-effusive praise.  

Oliver is also an angel, goodness personified, spearheading drives that raise billions for charity. He's single-handedly wiped out world hunger.  Don't introduce Oliver to Chase the Fashion Designer, or they'll cancel each other out.  

His problems: he is too busy with his day job as a divorce lawyer, his numerous charities, and taking over Dad's business when he retires to get a boyfriend. Coworker George is in favor of being single. This must be the "mistaken for gay" guy.

Wait -- they specifically state that they live in Los Angeles.  The establishing shot was a New England Currier & Ives village. What the fudge?

Out in the elegant party, Saintly Oliver talks to James, who works in his company.  They hedge around the discussion of why their last date was so awful. So Saintly Oliver and Moisturizer Wilde are both gay?  Who's going to hook up with the lady in the middle of the icon?  

No,  James "can't" get together during the holidays: he'll be seeing family, driving up the coast. Dude's not into you. 

I'm watching with subtitles, so I can't hear the accents, but these people are saying "Happy Christmas" to each other.  Could they live in Britain, but be having an elegant party in L.A.?

More after the break.

Pain and Glory: An aging director recalls his first crush and his first boyfriend, with nostalgia and nudity

For forty years, Pedro Almodóvar has been giving us raucous, irreverent, sometimes funny glimpses into the sexual and social freedom of post-Franco Spain: Bad Education; Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!; A Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown; What Have I Done to Deserve This? He's not exactly a proponent of essentialist gay identity: his gay men are usually there to have affairs with the female focus character, when she's not busy seducing her stepson.  Or maybe she'll seduce her stepson and his boyfriend, or join her sister in having the affair with the gay man.  There will be male nudity, urination, pop culture references, and kitsch. And these aren't comedies. 

Pedro went through similar machinations in his private life, being closeted, then stating that he was bisexual, and finally coming out as gay.  He's been with his partner, Fernando Iglesias, since 2002.

Dolor y gloria, Pain and Glory, is the 74-year old director's swan song, a summary and perhaps a justification of his work, touching on all of his major themes:  "sentimientos, costumbrismo, reencuentros, homosexualidad, sensibilidad, pasión, familia, drogas… "

Almodóvar stand-in Salvador, played by regular star Antonio Banderas, is an aging director, in physical and mental decline.  His chronic pain has kept him from new projects for several years.

Left: A misty memory of Banderas, fully nude in his first film appearance in 1982.

Asked to speak at the restoration of one of his old films, Flavor, he decides to look up the star, Alberto (Asier Etxeandia, left), whom he hasn't seen since the filming.  They had a falling out over Alberto's use of heroin on the set.

While reconciling, and trying heroin himself to ease his chronic pain, he tells the story of his first boyfriend.  

His First Boyfriend:  Director Salvador was in a relationship with Federico, played by Leonardo Sbaraglia, in the 1980s, but ended it due to his heroin use.  

Federico turned out to be one of Almodovar's temporary gay men: he left the "lifestyle" behind, moved to Argentina, married a woman, and had children.

Flavor star Alberto turns this story into a play that draws the attention of the real life Federico.  He returns to Madrid and wants to start the relationship again, but Director Salvador wants to keep the past in the past. 

More after the break

The Lake Episode 1.4: Sleazy mayorJerry O'Connell wants a three-way with Justin and his date. What's a gay guy to do?

 

I already reviewed the first episode of The Lake, a comedy about a gay guy who returns to the Lake where he spent summers during his childhood, with plots about bonding with the teenage daughter he never met and trying to save his grandfather's beloved cabin.  I want to review Episode 4 because: it features a gay three-way with 1990s heartthrob Jerry O'Connell

Scene 1: Everyone is cheering at the junior lifeguard trials. Justin (Jordan Gavaris, left) and his Daughter watch from a distance and make fun of them.  But they're only being slightly sarcastic today, because they have won a victory: the board voted against the Evil Maisy's scheme to renovate (that is, tear down) the cottage Justin visited in as a child -- he never actually lived there, but he is desperate to keep it the way it was, a sort of anchor to his past.  Most of the plot arcs involve Jason trying to keep the cottage out of Evil Maisy's clutches.  

Speak of the Devil: Evil Maisy drops by to introduce Jason to Gil the Thrill (Jerry O'Connell), who  is running for Mayor.  Gloating, Evil Maisy notes that the Mayor can re-classify the cottage as a farmhouse, which doesn't need Board approval to be...torn down!  

To make matter's worse, he's hot for Jason!  Dude, maybe you could convince him to not-reclassify the cottage by getting on your knees? No, not to beg.

Scene 2: By the way, Daughter's Crush (Jared Scott), who also happens to be Evil Maisy's son, won the lifeguard contest.  The first Chinese-Canadian Junior Lifeguard in Lake history!  He gets his sash and the keys to the legendary Boathouse while Mom, Dad, and his brother Opal (Declan Whaley) watch.  No, Opal is not trans, or nonbinary.  He's a femme gay boy.  

After the boys leave to hang out with Justin's Daughter, Evil Maisy and her Semi-Evil Husband (Terry Chen, left) discuss their evil scheme to get the cabin re-classified.  "Remember, Dear, this is Justin's fault.  He sabotaged my previous play to destroy his childhood memories, mwah-ha-ha, so, so stay frosty."

Scene 3: Justin is going through withdrawal from junk food due to Daughter's health consciousness, so he runs into the Tuck Shop, sneaks behind the counter, and grabs some chips. Manager Riley (Travis Nelson, below) appears. Beep! Gil the Thrill (mayoral candidate Jerry O'Connell) is contacing them both on Grindr.  Nice chest, and he's into three-ways, but he's in cahoots with Evil Maisy!  

Scene 4: Cut to Daughter and her Crush discussing the evil re-classification scheme.  Even though he's Evil Maisy's son, Crush wants to keep the cabin, for a reason too complicated (and gross) to explain. 

After Crush leaves, Scandinavian Hippie Ulrika comes in with a fish to be tested for herpes.  A big deal --if it tests positive, they have to close down the lake for weeks-- no boating, swimming, waterskiing, or construction.  Hmm -- Daughter has a idea.

Scene 5: Justin talks to Jayne, apparently his only Ally in the cabin plot.  She is upset because Daugher's Crush won Junior Lifeguard instead of her own daughters. "Grr...Evil Maisy and her family ruin every.  The next time I see hre, I'm going to tell her...."  Whoops, at that moment her ally Gil the Thrill appears. "...how excited I am about her cook-out tonight.  I'm bringing crab cakes."

When she leaves, Gil gets down to business: he wants to hook up with Justin. "No way -- you're on Evil Maisy's team, trying to destroy my childhood memories!"  

"But I might change my mind on the reclassification if you'll have sex with me."nees. Hey, that's sexual coercion! I know, I thought of it first. 

:"Thanks, but I have a date with Riley tonight." "I like three-ways. Bring him along, and it's a done deal.  I'll refuse to reclassify and stick it to Evil Maisy after I stick it to you."

More sticking after the break

"Cucumber": Lots of cucumbers on display as gay life in Manchester gets increasingly dark.

 

Cucumber, on Amazon Prime, is like gay Revenge, with plot twists, hidden agendas, and people who are not what they seem.  It starts out as a comedy, but turns darker and darker.  The nonsensical title, by the way, comes from a measure of erectile hardness, from tofu (semi-soft) to cucumber (rigid).  

Instead of scene-by-scene, I'm going to summarize the various cocksploits and tearjerks.

1. Middle-aged Manchester insurance salesman Henry (Vincent Franklin) gets angry when his boyfriend Lance (Cyril Nri, top photo) brings an anonymous guy, left, home for a three-way.  Maybe if you'd asked first, and waited for him instead of just going down?

Henry calls the police and has the two arrested (on what charge? consensual sexual acts are legal in Britain.), 

2. Henry moves out and seeks refuge with a twink couple from work, Dean and Freddie (Fisayo Akinade, Freddie Fox, left).  And starts flirting with Freddie!  Wait -- you get all huffy when your boyfriend wants an open relationship, but it's ok for the twinks?

Freddie the Twink says "No, thank you, we're monogamous."

3. Henry is upset because Freddie the Twink rejected him, but then goes out and hooks up with another old guy, Cliff (Con O'Neill).

4. Meanwhile Ex-Boyfriend Lance tries to hook up with Straight Guy Daniel (James Murray, left).  He refuses: "Sorry, I'm straight."

5. Henry's Sister and her hot teenage son Adam (Ceallach Spellman, right) arrive to stay forever. Henry decides to make some extra money filming his nephew having sex with other guys.

Meanwhile Ex-Boyfriend Lance empties the joint checking account. Never leave much in that joint checking account, buddy. One tiff, and it's gone.



More cucumbers after the break

"Pretty Dudes": Gay Asian erasure, Spiderman, a car hookup, and hamburger sex. All in11 minutes. With some pretty nude dudes

 I wanted to know how Carlin James, who is apparently straight, got cast on  Pretty Dudes, a webseries about a group of  gay guys sharing a house in West Hollywood and negotiating life, love, sex, and race.  He appears as CJ in four episodes.

Now the craziness begins. Amazon Prime lists 21 episodes, the IMDB 29, and Wikipedia 39, with different numbering and chronological order. Some titles appear in just one list. Some have been repackaged into other projects. You'll need an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of them all. 

But unless the titles have changed, only one of Carlin's episodes is streaming on Amazon Prime: 1.9, "All American Type."

Above photo: A show about gay guys, and the actors; nude photos are stuck behind paywalls.  So I just googled "Gay Asian actor"

Scene 1:  Hustler Jay (Tae Song) and photographer Zario (Brian Michael Nunez) are playing video games when a shirtless Spiderman approaches, announcing that he has super powers now, and can protect the queens.  How special, girlfriend.

Scene 2: Flashback to the day before. We hear Elijah (Carlin James) saying: "This is going to taste so good in my mouth.  I can't wait to shove it in there."  Psych!  He's talking about a hamburger.  Not a hot dog?

Gregory  (Leo Lam, left) enters from the kitchen and, annoyed, tells him to just eat it, but he continues making sexy sounds.  Wait --according to his page on the IMDB, Carlin plays CJ, but according to the tv series page...heck with it. 

Scene 3: Reality tv confessional room.  Model Sunji  (Yoshi Sudarno, left) confesses that he doesn't understand photographer Zario because he doesn't act gay.  But he'snot normal, so Sunji just tries to be a good friend.

Cut to photographer Zario getting ready for his first job "since the breakup," filming a podcast hosted by artist Kito (Chance Calloway). 

In 2024, Chance published Anatomical Iconography, featuring the Pretty Dudes paying homage to classic male nude art.  It sells for $43 on Amazon.  I had no idea the show as so popular.  How do fans figure out the episode confusion?

Scene 4: Model Sunji cooking shirtless.  He sees a spider and freaks out. 

More after the break

Ricardo Gomez: Three gay roles, a gay actor, and some dicks, but is there anything to watch?

While researching that other Brandon Johnson, I came across Ricardo Gómez kissing a guy. Plus he had a lot of nude photos online.  So I went through his work on the IMDB to find something available in the U.S., with gay content, and not awful.

His first work available in the U.S. is the tv series Unauthorized Living, Spanish Vivir sin permiso, 2018. A drug lord with a respectable businessman facade is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and has to decide which of his kids will take over the business before everything goes dark.  Nope.

Bringing Him Back, Spanish Mia & Moi, 2021.  The IMDB synopsis says that the siblings Moi and Mia move to the countryside after their mother dies, but the TLA synopsis says that Moi brings his boyfriend home to meet his sister.  Looks like somebody wanted the movie closeted. 

But "a deeply affecting film about love, loss, and human connection"?  Nope.  I don't care if we do see sister's boyfriend Joe Manjon's man-jon.

And his man-rear.  And Ricardo's bulge.

More the Merrier, Spanish Donde caben dos, 2021: "A diverse group of people share a night of sexual self-discovery." A comedy con final feliz -- a happy ending. 

The trailer shows a lot of people being shocked by two girls kissing and an old guy in his underwear. Also a man licks a shoe, a man puts his hand on his buddy's chest but is rebuffed, a guy puts his dong through a glory-hole but doesn't get any action, and there's a jockstrap band. 

More Ricardo after the break

"The Fosters": Twelve hunks and hunkoids, all grown up. With a few grown-up dicks

The Fosters (2013-2018) was a groundbreaking drama on ABC Family, now on Netflix, about a lesbian couple (Stef and Lena) with five children, biological, adopted, and foster (Brandon, Jesus, Jude, Callie, Mariana). The Fosters have foster children, har har 

But it wasn't all sunlight and diversity. Actually, it wasn't sunlight at all. I never watched -- I don't do tragedy -- but the episode synopses sound grim. There were drinking problems, psychological problems, incurable diseases, deaths, homophobic hate crimes, custody battles...like a live-action Howard Cruse comic.   But for many viewers, the remarkably open gay content was worth being depressed.

Besides, there are endless teenage boys with their shirts off to draw in the gay boys and straight girls. I'm checking to see if there were any adult hunks in the crowd, or if any of Fosters Fave Raves have grown up.

1. David Lambert:  Brandon, the oldest son in the family. an aspiring pianist whose dreams are dashed when an injury paralyzes his hand.  He also becomes the victim of statutory rape by hooking up with his father's girlfriend.

The adult Lambert shows his butt while sexing a girl in The Lifeguard.

2. Danny Nucci: Mike, Brandon's biological father, a cop who has a drinking problem, shot an unarmed suspect, and has a girlfriend who hooks up with Brandon.

Nucci butt

3. Tom Williamson: AJ, Mike's foster son.  When does Mike find the time to be a foster parent?

4. Jake T. Austin: Jesus, the second son, who has Attention-Deficit Disorder.

5. Brandon Quinn: Gabe, Jesus' biological father, who didn't tell Jesus because he didn't want the boy to know he's a registered sex offender.

6. Hadyn Byerly: Jude, the youngest son, who becomes mute in angst over coming out as gay (with lesbian parents?), but eventually learns to accept himself and starts dating, with probably the youngest same-sex kiss on television.







More bulges and bods after the break.  Warning: explicit.

"Down Low": Netflix bait-and-switch movie that turns a gay hookup into something dark. With Simon Rex's dick.

 

Down Low, on Netflix (2023). "An overeager massage therapist guides a client with repression through his first queer encounter, but their hookup has a less-than-happy ending." 

A downlow guy lives as a "family man" who has achieved the entire heterosexual trajectory of house, job, wife, and kids, but has sex with men secretly.  Unless "down low" means something else here.

So the family man tells the masseuse that he likes guys, so she hooks him up, and things go south?  Sounds interesting.  But before I jump in, I always conduct some research, to avoid nasty surprises.

WTF?  This plot synopsis on wikipedia sounds like a completely different movie!  There are like a dozen nasty surprises, any one of which would have me "noping" out of there.  

Zachary Quinto stars as "family man" Gary.  I've seen Zachary Quinto in Star Trek, American Horror Story, and The Boys in the Band. Something about his smug, weasly expression grates on my nerves.  Nope #1

He's not on the downlow at all.  He is dying of a brain tumor. Nope #2: no movies about people who are dying of incurable diseases.  Why would anyone ever want to see a movie like that?  How could anyone stand to act in it?  Or write the script?

When he discovers that he is dying, Gary decides to come out, whereupon his wife dumps him.  Not a nope, but really homophobic of the lady to dump him just because he's gay.

The massage therapist is actually a hustler, Cameron (Lukas Gage).  Maybe they do massage too.  This promotional still makes him look like a trans woman, but in the synopsis, the character is always described with he/him pronouns.  Maybe it's a misdirection, so viewers will think that Gary is hooking up with a lady.    

The Hustler uses a dating app to find Gary a hookup  (Sebastian Arroyo).  Wait -- why not just have sex with him yourself?  That's what you're being paid for.

Unfortunately, the hookup does not find Gary attractive enough to screw.  Everyone argues, and he is accidentally killed Nope #3: the abrupt death of a major character. 

Gary and the Hustler hire a Necrophiliac (Simon Rex) to have sex with and then dispose of the Corpse. Nope #4: it's never really come up before, but necrophilia is a big nope.

Due to plot complications, the Necrophiliac can't do his job until the next day, so they spend the night mopping up the blood and smoking crack.  Nope #5: amoral major characters aren't a major "nope," but if I'm already annoyed from watching Zachary Quinto... 

By that time, the Corpse has come back to life and is trying to get away.  The necrophiliac kills him again, and then Gary and the Hustler kill the Necrophiliac.  Nopes #6-7: too many people killing each other too eagerly.  This is definitely not a comedy.

Then they have sex with each other.  You could have just done that at the start, and avoided the multiple murders.  

Later, after Gary dies, the Hustler shows up at his funeral, yells at the ex-wife and the church that abandoned him when he came out, and steals the body.  He dumps it in the lake, which he thinks is a better memorial. Nope #8: portraying gay people as perpetual outsiders, rejected by church and family.  Not really a nope, but way homophobic.

Moral: Always read more than one plot synopsis or watch more than one trailer.  They often make completely contradictory claims.  Remember when Road to Terabinthia was advertised as a fantasy like Harry Potter or The Chronicles of Narnia?  It's about a girl who is dying.

Down Low is not about a guy in the downlow.  It's about a guy who is dying. 

Bonus bulge and dick pics after the break.  Warning: explicit.

Looking: Gay dudebros look for love and sex, with countless directorial tricks and some nudity

(Apparently the "sensitive content" tag was just some homophobe complaining about gay content, so I've put the nudity and word "gay" back into this review)

Looking. on MAX (2014-15), is a gay-themed comedy-drama about a group of 30-ish gay men looking for love and sex in San Francisco.  I lived in San Francisco for two years, so maybe I can get some nostalgia going on: let's review Episode 1.1

Scene 1: Paddy (Jonathan Groff, below) is meeting a stranger in the  park. The guy refuses kissing or conversation, just starting a hand job. That's it?  What are you, amateurs?  At least get on your knees. Suddenly Paddy's cell phone rings -- he thinks it's his mother, because who else calls these days? -- and he scrams. 

Scene 2: Paddy's friends, Richie (Raul Castillo) and Dom (Murray Bartlett), who drink all the time, praise him for getting a hookup: now he can finally call himself a pervert. They discuss booze on the bus (I never once rode a bus, either. It was Muni, BART, or drive and spend an hour looking for a parking space)

Scene 3: They guys are talking about a bachelor party. I'm rather confused. One of the grooms invited his ex-boyfriend, which is a bad idea, but is Paddy the ex-boyfriend, or are they talking about someone else?  Paddy criticizes Gabe (one of the grooms?) for being too fat, but the others criticize his body-shaming.  They also reference Frank. OMG, introduce your characters!  Dom discusses how much he loves booze; at least he has  a character tag.

 

Scene 4:  Morning. Establishing shot of a quiet San Francisco hill, not Castro Street. Paddy awakens to the sound of two guys having sex in the next room and says "Oh my God."  You got a problem with gay sex homophobe?

The two guys (who may be Dom and Richie) seem to be giving each other hand jobs (Doesn't anyone in San Francisco do the more usual things?).  But one of them realizes that he's late for an appointment; "This guy might take the room" -- Tara's friend --  so he leaves.  Ok, the guy with the appointment calls his partner "My Little Cuban Sandwich," so he must be Augustin (Frankie Alvarez). 

More plot: the guy with the appointment keeps asking Augustin to move in, but he usually refuses.  He's agreeing today because he "can't afford the City anymore."  Wait -- the establishing shot was the City.  Aren't these the guys who are having sex in Paddy's apartment?

Scene 5: Breakfast. Paddy talking to a guy we can't see, so the big reveal will be a surprise.  He heard the guy and Frank having sex through the wall.  Frank must be the guy with the appointment, played by O.T. Fagbenle.  I assume it's a stage name/

Another guy walks in -- Augustin?  And Paddy was discussing Frank, so who is the guy he is talking to? The camera moves back -- he is talking to an empty chair, or I guess to Augustin when he was still in the other room.  Ok, at least we know that these are the guys having sex in Scene 5, except they think it's Oakland, when it is clearly San Francisco.

Frank calls from the bathroom that he needs a towel, and Paddy mocks him for it.  Yeah, wanting to dry off after a shower, what a loser!  But I guess if you have to criticize everybody all the time, you start grasping at straws fast.

Scene 6: Frank finishes his shower, but he's in another apartment, talking to a woman.  This is probably a Frank lookalike, shown taking a shower to confuse us. He wants to call Ethan but the woman disapproves because Ethan tried to kill him. "He did not!  He just threatend to! Besides, when we were together, you tried to kill me a bunch of times."  Ok, the woman is Frank Lookalike's ex girlfriend.  

Next order of business: the Frank Lookalike is thinking of getting into real estate.  Ex-Girlfriend laughs at him. "You -- somebody like you -- in real estate?  Don't be ridiculous!"  She doesn't explain why it's ridiculous, but I guess everybody just has to mock everything.  "Is there any coffee?"  "What an idiotic question!  Jerk!"  

Scene 7: A guy who wears glasses going to work in a cubicle with a computer. Paddy?  But he looks completely different! His coworker, Owen (Andrew Law), drops by to criticize him.  Seeing that Paddy is on the OK Cupid dating site, he ridicules his choice:  "Wait -- he's a doctor, and you think he'd date an idiot like you? Plus he's a swimmer.  You're too clueless to swim."  He then comes out as straight, with a girlfriend, Bethany. Named characters so far: 10. The Frank Lookalike and his ex have not been named yet, so 12 altogether.

Paddy accepts the date anyway - at the Press Club tonight -- and sends him a winking emoji.  Owen criticizes both the dating venue and the emoji, of course.

Scene 8: Augustin at work, maybe doing set design.  A woman introduces him to Scotty (Tanner Cohen), his assistant for the day. They have fun criticizing the design (aren't you the one who designed it, dude?)

Scene 9: Four suit-types at lunch, complaining that they can't get the wine they got last time.  The waiter recommends something else, "a nice full-bodied red, spicy but easy on the pallete, with notes of fruit and coca" It's so much easier when you don't drink: "Diet Coke, please.  Sure, Pepsi is fine."  

Hey, the waiter is the Frank Lookalike, who wants to go into real estate! He goes to the bar to complain about the suits: "they look like a bunch of filthy dog-f*kers."  Rather harsh, even for a culture where everybody ridicules everything.

Another waiter tries to console him: "Just keep on putting positive energy out into the universe."  When he leaves, Frank Lookalike criticizes him, then asks the bartender for his name.  Bartender: "No. Whenever you sexually harass a new guy, he quits."

Scene 9: Paddy checks his hair in a store window.  A guy inside smiles at him.  He recoils in disgust and moves on to the Polo Club, or whatever it is. His date introduces himself as Benjamin (Matthew Wilkas, left and top photo)  Hey, where are Paddy's friends Richie and Dom from the first scenes?  I thought they were going to be major characters.

Benjamin criticizes Paddy's job in video game development (of course), then asks "are you disease and drug free?"  Is this a date or a physical, Doctor?  But Paddy gets even, criticizing Benjamin's misquoting of Khalil Gibran (a famous poet from the hippie era).  Then he discusses how desperate he is to get laid (bad move, dude).  He was so desperate yesterday that he had a hookup in the park!  Benjamin, looking for romance rather than anonymous encounters, is not pleased.  "This isn't working. Bye!"

Scene 10: Back to Augustin and Scotty flirting while criticizing things.  Wait -- Scotty is flirting with another guy (maybe Augustin's boyfriend Frank)!  They met at Darren and Anthony's Cinco de Mayo party.   They start an encounter right there in the -- stage?  Kissing, and it looks like Augustin is going downtown.

Scene 11:  A guy flirts with Paddy on the bus.  Paddy still has Benjamin's card, so he pretends to be a resident in oncology. The guy introduces himself: Richie, a cosmetologist.  Wait -- then who was Paddy's friend in the first two scenes?

Cut to the Frank Lookalike at work at the fancy restaurant. On his break, he's eating lamb with merguez (lamb sausage).  He offers a bite to a guy off camera, so we'll be surprised by the big reveal -- surprise!  It's Liam, the waiter he criticized/liked earlier. "So, want to grab a drink?" Frank Lookalike asks, "Or we could just go back to your place."  Geez, forward.  Have you spoken two words to this guy?  

Scene 12:  Paddy telling his friend Dom (from scene 1, remember?) that he gave the guy (Richie) the wrong card!  "I was just so angry at that doctor."  Your fault for discussing a public h**kup on a first date. "What about the bus guy?"  "He came on too strong, and he's not my type."  Weren't you desperate to get laid ten minutes ago? 

Paddy heads to the bathroom, and is shocked to see a guy off camera, so we'll be surprised at the big reveal -- someone I don't recognize, but they both agree that it's awkward to be pissing into the same trough. This must be the very late-night bachelor party, and Paddy is the ex-boyfriend.  

Hey, Frank Lookalike is Dom from Scene 1!  He complains that the guy he invited home said no -- the first time that has ever happened. Not true -- the bartender said that Frank Lookalike/Dom tries to have sex with lots of the male waiters, and they always quit.  Paddy complains that he has too many bad  dates. 

Out on the street, after the bachelor party, Paddy looks depressed, and then goes to the club where Richie from the bus works. The end.

Beefcake: Some bare chests.

San Francisco: Some random street scenes.

Number of Characters: Too many to keep track of, and they look different from scene to scene.  And who the heck is the non-Richie in the first scene?  Or was that a time jump?

Update: It was Augustin!  Their photos look alike on the IMDB, and Richie gets second billing, so I figured he must be the second friend.

Talking to Someone Off Camera: A device to be used only occasionally, when the identity of the person will be a big surprise.  Used here all the time.  I'm still mad about Paddy talking to an empty chair, so when Augustin comes in, you think there are three people in the room.

Trick Cuts: Instantaneous cuts between two people doing the same thing, so you think it's the same person. Fooled you, har har.  It's a dirty trick, especially in the first episode where you're trying to keep track of 300 characters.

Criticizing Everything: This was actually fun.  Every time I thought "Such an innocuous statement. They couldn't possibly criticize it," they did!

My Grade:  Not a lot of nostalgia here, and too many tricks. B

Shhh -- I hid some nude guys after the break:

Dream Corps LLC: Mad scientist doctor and his hung assistant solve gay couple's problems through dreams. With Nick Rutherford dick

 

Dream Corps LLC  (2016-2020), on Hulu, is an Adult Swim dark comedy about a run-down medical facility where a bumbling Doctor (Jon Gries, left) and his staff, notably Patient 88 (Nicholas Rutherford, right) solve people's problems through dream therapy.  

I looked up LLC: Limited Liability Company.  No idea what that means, but it sounds like a boring insurance term; not the best name for a show you want people to actually tune in to.  But I'm reviewing Episode 1.3, because it involves a gay couple.

Scene 1:  A run-down storage facility. Technician Randy (Mark Prokbsch, who you may know from What We Do in the Shadows), looks for his vape, with the help of T.E.R.R.Y the robot.  He loses his shirt and his hand.

Left: Jon Gries butt

Scene 2:  The Doctor examines Patient 86, aka Brandon (Geoffrey Arend, left), who has hives due to relationship problems.  His boyfriend is late (Brandon tricked him into coming, saying it was "hot yoga").

Forced to "lick the truth plastic", Brandon, reveals that he gets dressed for the gym, then just sits in his car and drinks lattes, he doesn't have any black friends, and he doesn't know if his boyfriend still loves him. Aha, the crux of the issue!  A brief interview could have told you that without a gross "truth plastic."

Patient 103, AKA Rod (Dan Gill), arrives, angry because "You forgot your man again." 

Scene 3: They need Randy to begin the procedure.  Patient 88 finds him trying to re-attach his hand.  Disgusting!  The magnets he used push the hand into Patient 88's crotch and begin masturbating him. He tells TERRY "This is not what it looks like." Randy: "Yes, it is." 

Patient 88 breaks away, and the hand moves on to masturbate Randy.

Scene 4: In their animated dream, the guys are riding penis-shaped dolphins.  They reach land, and a golden staircase.  The Doctor tries to warn them that they are going the wrong way: the staircase will kill them!  But he was knocked out of the dream.  Patient 88 tries to get him back in.

Scene 5: Uh-oh, he's back in the dream, but fighting the Predator!   Meanwhile, the guys reach the top of the staircase.  It turns into a hot air balloon, with Rod hanging over the side!  He says: "If anything happens to me, I want you to know...." I love you?  No: "This was your idea." Darn!

He falls, apparently to his death!  Brandon screams and sobs. 

More dicks and therapy after the break