"Exteriors": Gay psychological thriller with cheating husbands, mistaken identities, hookups, stalking, and Pano Pancakes' penis

 

A nude celebrity site led me to some j/o photos of someone named Pano Tsaklas, nicknamed Pano Pancakes in case you can't spell Tsaklas (it actually means jackal in Greek).  

Checking the IMDB to make sure he was an actor and not a singer or influencer, I found a lengthy biography: Grew up in Clark's Summit, Pennsylvania, liked skateboarding, played the viola, got a full scholarship to Temple University, where he graduated in 2017 with a major in Media Studies.

Six screen appearances listed, the most recent a movie, Exteriors (2023), a "poetic, surrealistic" psychological thriller consisting of three stories of gay men experiencing relationship problems.  But it turns out to be a sort-of sequel to Brotherly Lies (2022), so we'll start there.

When he was a teenager, Lex (Pano) shot and killed his abusive stepfather.  The resulting trial became a media circus and destroyed his life chances: he's infamous as a killer, so no one wants to date him.  After a nervous breakdown and suicide attempt, he seeks refuge at his family's vacation home in Guerneville (on the Russian River), along with his buddy Kenny (Jose Fernando  -- not the famous Spanish actor who died in 2014, the queer activist).  Kenny is fleeing from an abusive husband.

To complicate things, Lex falls in love with Shane, the strugglins screenwriter who rents the house next door (Jacob Betts -- not the "real" Jacob Betts, a singer songwriter, the queer one).  But Shane is in love with Kenny.   To complicate things, Lex's older brother is pressuring Shane into writing about the tragedy, which Lex considers a betrayal.  Things fall apart. 

Got the three main players?  Let's look at Exteriors.  

Part 1: Wyatt

 

Wyatt (Christian Gabriel, but not the prime suspect in the disappearance of an Ohio girl or the famous Romanian chess player, the queer one.  Why do these guys always have the same name as someone more famous?).  

So Wyat is in the park, getting some headshots taken by his friend Logan (Matthew Bridges, but not the world-famous plastic surgeon or the husband and father, the queer one). 

They discuss Logan's new boyfriend, a screenwriter that he met at a SAG event: much better than a hookup app, more organic.  They drove to Santa Monica, and he talked about his hopes and dreams, what he's looking for in a lover, and his last boyfriend (who cheated on him).  They haven't had sex yet -- no gay man would think of sex on the first date.  But they're definitely in love. 

The new boyfriend's name?  Shane (the struggling screenwriter that Lex fell in love with).  Wyatt is the ex-boyfriend who cheated!

Without revealing the connection, Wyatt storms into Shane's apartment and drops accusatory hints.  What's the problem?  In West Hollywood, your friends often dated your exes.  Sometimes a guy dated everyone in a friend group, one after the other.   

Things get more and more heated and angry.  Shane rushes out -- right into the arms of his boyfriend/Wyatt's friend Logan.

Wyatt and  Logan pretend not to know each other as Shane introduces them, and suggests that they all go out to lunch. 

Nope, no way. Wyatt  walks off into the darkness, buys another copy of the book he left at Shane's apartment when they broke up, sits on a park bench to read it.  The end.  That's it?  I expected blackmail or assault.  This kind of petered out into nothingness.

Part 2: Jason

Pool cleaner Jason (Julian Goza) is hired by Kenny (Lex's friend in "Brotherly Lies," the one with the abusive husband).  He recognizes Kenny from a hookup eight years ago that changed his life forever.  Kenny remembers him, too, and apologizes that he couldn't continue the relationship: he had a boyfriend, now his abusive husband.  

Jason pretends that he has car trouble so they can spend more time together; he hopes that Kenny will dump the abusive husband for him.  But it turns out that Kenny was just pretending to remember him.  None of the details he mentions match; they've never met.  Jason hooked up with someone else!

Jason: "You're cruel, misleading me like that."

Kenny: "I didn't know. I just figured it out."

 But maybe he could pretend to be the hookup, so Jason can tell him how he feels.  They continue talking, and sleep together (literally -- no shenanigans), and part as friends, just as Kenny gets a call from his old friend Lex.  He's having a crisis. That

More after the break

"Running Point": Travis has a stage mom, Jackie has a p*enis problem, and Drew's ex is dating a Greek god. With a p*enis

 

 

I don't like sports at all, but I'm still going to review an episode of Running Point (2025), on Netflix, about a basketball franchise (a team in a league that is guaranteed to play regardless of performance).  

Problem: "running point" is meaningless to me, so I keep forgetting the title every time I look away.  Google AI says that it is "a team's offensive style that emphasizes fast-paced, up-tempo play with a lot of transition opportunities."  So basically "play it loud"?   

The Premise: When Cam (Justin Theroux) of the Los Angeles Waves retires to go into rehab, he names his sister Isla (Kate Hudson) franchise president, to the consternation of her brothers Screw-up Ness (Scott MacArthur) and Micromanaging Sandy (Drew Carver).  Both Scott and Drew have played gay characters, and I think they're both bisexual in real life, so there's a good chance we'll see some gay representation.   

To increase the odds, I'll review Episode 1.7, "A Special Place in Hell," where "Jackie and Sandy's messy love lives catch up with them."  

Scene 1: Isla enters the franchise headquarters, narrating that since Coach Marcus (Toby Sandeman) gave Player Dyson(Uche Agade)  the confidence to shoot free-throws granny-style, the team has turned around. They've won three games in a row.  Hey, Isla's friend is Brenda Song from "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody"

In the office, she asks her assistant Jackie (Fabizio Guido) to refill her water jug, but he's not around.  Cut to him in bed with a woman: "This is the best thing that ever happened to me, including finding out that I'm in a family of billionaires."   But he's late for work, so he rushes out (underwear shot).

Back story:  Jackie, who worked concessions at the basketball arena, recently discovered that he was the illegitimate son of the sibling's father, so their half-brother.  They responded by giving him a job as Isla's assistant? 

Scene 2:  Jackie trying to work and look at bikini girls on the internet.  Isla wants to know where he was all morning.  He had to stop and...vote.  "Oh, we have to do that again?"  Probably, but there will just be one person on the ballot. 

The other brothers and the coach call her into the conference room to discuss "an existential crisis":  Important Player Travis' overbearing Mom.  She comes onto the court during games. She calls plays. They can't just send her back to Florida, because players idolize their Moms.  They sacrificed everything to push them out of the hood.  So could Isla tell her to tone it down?

Scene 3: Heading to the restroom, Jackie texts his girl an invitation to the Shake Shack. Inside, he literally bumps into the Very Important Mr. Ramirez (Roberto Sanchez), and praises him for all he has done for the Hispanic community.  Mr. Ramireze then praises Jackie's father: "I never approved of his lifestyle, but seeing you makes me think that some good came from his proclivities."

 It sounds like he's being homophobic, but he means that Jackie's Dad, the deceased franchise president, had lots of heterosexual marital affairs.

When Ramirez leaves, Jackie unzips at the urinal --- and screams!  Well, it's your own fault for not wrapping it.

Scene 4: The team practicing.  Travis' Mom drops by to water him, smooch him all over, and discuss how much she loves him.  Ugh, a smothering mom.   

After he leaves, Isla drops in to try to get Mom to lay off a little.  She's one of those big, flashy, crass women you see on reality tv, maybe a parody of a Kardashian or something. I'll fast-forward over that section.

Scene 5: Finally, we get to Sandy (Drew Tarver, right).  He leaves a voice mail for Charlie, with whom he has had a falling-out. "I know we're not technically speaking, but I found the air pod you were looking for.  I could drop it off anytime.  Love you."  After hanging up, he screams "F*ck!" in horror at how lame he sounded.

 I'd identify him as gay, but I've been fooled before by women with men's names, so let's just wait. 

Meanwhile, Jackie goes to his half-brother Ness's office: "When I pee, it feels like fire coming out."  See a doctor.   "You've got chlyamidia, dog." A common STD that spreads through unprotected oral, anal, or vaginal sex, although with gay men, it appears most often in the rectum. 

Having sex increases a straight man's prestige, since presumably women have to be wooed and won, so.  Ness congratulates and hugs him.  "You'll be fine.  Just go see the team doctor.  STDS are like 80% of what they deal with."

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit

"Mid Century Modern," Episode 1.6: "Golden Girls" with gay guys. Plus Bomer's butt, Adam's cock, and Tommy's bj

In West Hollywood in the 1980s, every Saturday night at 9:00 pm, you could hear "Thank You For Being a Friend" coming from every apartment:

Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down a road and back again

Your heart is true

You're a pal and a confidant

as gay men sat down for a surcease from the AIDS crisis to  watch the adventures of The Golden Girls, four golden-aged ladies sharing a house in Miami.  Somehow they always ended up with cheesecake, and we did too.

Then they would head out to the Rage or Mugi or the Faultline, hoping to end up like Matt Bomer in the top photo.

180 Saturday nights with cheesecake, hookups, and Sophia's one-liners.  I'm misting up.

From left to right: Ditzy Minnesotan Rose, beset-upon Dorothy, horny Southern belle Blanche, and hanging back because the kitchen table only seats three, wisecracking Sophia.

Hulu has just dropped a 2025  homage to The Golden Girls, except it is set in Palm Springs rather than Miami, and it features gay men: ditzy Jerry (Matt Bomer), horny Arthur (Nathan Lee Graham), beset-upon Bunny (Nathan lane), and wisecracking Sybill (Linda Lavin).  Lavin died in December 2024, but she appears in all ten Season 1 episodes.

I'm going to review Episode 1.6, "Maid Serviced," in which the guys hire a "sexy but unqualified" housekeeper.  

Scene 1:  I watch with the sound off to avoid annoying laugh tracks, but I'm imagining "Thank You for Being a Friend" as we zoom into Bunny's mansion (Bunny?  what kind of name is that for a guy, regardless of how swishy he is?).   It's the kitchen where the Girls ate cheesecakes, but now it's Arthur and Bunny at the table, Jerry cooking.  Arthur complains about the leaky sink; Bunny, busily sorting his pills "by Jew," ugh, assures him that a plumber is working on it now, and Jerry says that he dated a plumber once, with no details or dirty double entendres.  Come on, Blanche, say something about your pipes!

The pill-sorting turns into a girl-group song: "He had it coming."   This is painful to watch.  Why is it that gay guys on tv act nothing like any gay guy I've ever met in real life?  

Scene 2: Jerry asks if it's ok to store his energy drinks in the fridge.  Arthur: "I can answer for her.  Miss Havisham wants everything arranged like it was when she still had hope."  Calling gay men she?  Come on, is it 1958?  

Left: Jerry's junk.

Mom enters and announces that the housekeeper quit.  She said she didn't sign up to clean for three men. "I told her, what three men ?  They're gay. Together they barely add up to one."  Being gay makes you a woman, I get it.   The Will and Grace gang used to say the same thing. 

Bunny wants to prove that it's the other guys' house, too, so he suggests that the three of them work together to hire a new housekeeper.  Mom: "What about me?  Did women lose the right to vote?"  Not right now, but by summertime, probably.

Scene 4: Interviewing an applicant who podcasts about her cleaning hacks.  "I'm obsessed with cleaning.  My friends say I'm a little anal." Jerry: "My friends say that, too."  He has gay sex, har har.

She demonstrates her trick for opening a jar.  "There's nothing too tight for me to open."  Looking at you for a dirty double entendre, Jerry.  Nope, Arthur says it.

"We're all impressed, and think you would be perfect..."  The next applicant, hunky Bo (Adam Hagenbuch), comes in..."Sorry, the job is filled."  I saw that joke coming a mile away.  Jerry, I said "coming."  Where's your dirty double entendre?

The complement him: "You're so handsome, you should have a one-man show, Bo on Broadway.  People would come to that.  I'd come every night."  There it is.

The interview: He's been in Palm Springs for two months.  He came with his boyfriend, but they've broken up, so he's single. 

Gay and single!  The guys squeal and shriek with absurd over-eagerness, as if they've never seen a hot guy before.  Come on, this is ridiculous.

They're ready to hire him, but he's confused.  "What about the push-ups?  In every other job interview, I have to do push-ups."  Naturally.

While they are watching with absurdly over-eager glee, Mom calls Bunny into the kitchen and warns, "Never hire someone that you want to schtup."  It's ok if you don't pressure them into it.  Bunny insists that he is the best qualified.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

"Ghosts," Episode 3.10: A gay wedding, a gay performer, a vengeful Puritan, a naked Viking, and a lot of plot complications

 

In the British version of Ghosts (2019-23), the gay ghost is closeted, with a "disgraceful secret" that he never reveals to his housemates.  I heard that the American version (2021-25) was better at gay representation, so I watched Episode 3.10, "Isaac's Wedding"

The Premise: Sam (a woman) and Jay (Utkarsh Ambudkar) inherit a house filled with the ghosts of people who have died there or nearby, and for some reason can't move on to the afterlife.  Since she was dead for a few minutes after an accident, Sam can see and hear them, but Jay can't.

Nigel (John Hartman, right), a British soldier who died during the Revolutionary War, has been in a relationship with Isaac (Brandon Scott Jones, left), the Continental soldier who he killed (by accident)).  They are going to get married today, but Isaac is worried about his ongoing fantasy about Chris, the adult performer hired for his bachelor party (the humans told him that he was performing for an empty room).  

Isaac asks Sassapis (Roman Zaragosa), a Native American who died in the 16th century, about his attraction to the stripper.  Sassapis reassures him that it's just cold feet.

The DJ hired to play at the wedding arrives -- and to everyone's surprise, it's Chris (Deniz Akdeniz)!  He's gay, he hates the show Hamilton, and he has no sense of smell -- all points in his favor.  When he eats crab and has an allergic reaction, Isaac secretly wishes that he will die, so they can date -- but he survives.

Meanwhile Peter (Richie Moriarty), a 1980s scout leader who accidentally shot an arrow through his neck, has discovered that he can leave the house by poltergeisting family members, so he follows his descendants to a Caribbean vacation, and meets a female ghost from his time period.  They have a passionate affair, but then he starts to evaporate.  

Back at the house, the wedding begins, with Sassapis officiating.  As Nigel and Issac exchange vows, Peter returns from the Caribbean, finds that he is whole again, and interrupts with his shout of jubiliation.  He tells the story of his trip and the intensity of his love, and Isaac realizes that there's something missing in his relationship with Nigel.  He backs out at the last minute.  

Not noticing, lounge singer Alberta, who was poisoned during the Prohibition Era, starts singing "At Last" anyway.  Nigel runs off crying.

Later, Isaac's housemates agree with his decision.  He's 300 years old, and he's been out for only a few years, so he shouldn't rush into a relationship right away.  He needs time to grow.

More after the break

"Surreal Estate," Episode 1.1: Realtor and his scoobies investigate haunted houses, with gay characters and a lot of n*de Matt Whites

  

Surreal Estate (2021-23), on Hulu, appeared on Reddit about shows with "normalized" LGBT characters, not struggling to come out or fighting homophobia.  None of the episode synopses suggest gay characters, and the icon shows a man and a woman, but here goes, Episode 1.1

Scene 1: Night. A man in a 1940s detective costume walks through a thunderstorm to a creepy house. The sign says "For Sale by Owner." 

Inside, it's too dark to see much, but a woman in a bathrobe seems to be reading an antique book on human anatomy.   She gets scared when the surgeon in a photograph seems to be grinning evilly at her.  Suddenly the room catches on fire (at least we can see something now).  She runs outside, but runs into the Old Fashioned Man.  

Psych!  He's not the ghost of a 1940s detective, he just dresses like one: Luke Roman (Tim Rozon of Schitt's Creek), interested in the house.  So call in advance?  

She hugs him: "The house wants to kill me!"  That's every home owner's complaint, girl.

He can help with that.  They gaze into each other's eyes.  I'll be they start dating, and she joins the paranormal real estate team.

Scene 2: At Shirley's Diner, still too dark to see much, Homeowner Megan, says that her fiancé is coming to pick her up.  Don't you hate it when they mention a boyfriend halfway through the date?

Luke shows her a video about his company, SMEP, Specialists in Metaphysically-Engaged Properties, those with a market value depreciation due a tragedy occuring there.  Sometimes they are haunted, sometimes not, but the rumor makes it lose 37% of its market value and takes 317% longer to sell. 

Megan's swishy boyfriend Brock (Matt White) flounces in with a teeth-click, a flamboyant wave of his umbrella, and a "What up, Girlfriend?"  Shouldn't be too hard to convince him to be true to himself, so you can have Megan for yourself.  

Matt White has nine acting credits on IMDB, including six shorts,and three walk-ons.  This may not be the right one, but there are lots of other Matt Whites to choose from: a baseball player, a football player, an artist,  a musician, a comedian, and a billionaire.

Left: Matt White d*ck

Scene 3: At the agency, Luke tells his scoobies, two men and a woman, about the case.  Homeowner Megan is a medical student who inherited the haunted house from her grandfather.  Swishy boyfriend lives with her (in his own room, I assume).  

On to otheir other case, a house with a poltergeist. It came out clean: no entities.  But Rita, the Evil Realtor who hired them, insists that things were flying around.  Nobody wants to confront her because she's so evil, so they get the New Girl to do it: a ringer who got $10 million in sales at her last agency.  

Introductions:

Father Phil (Adam Korson, right), a defrocked priest with nice biceps, does the background checks and due diligence.

More after the break

The Lake Episode 1.4: Sleazy mayorJerry O'Connell wants a three-way with Justin and his date. What's a gay guy to do?

 

I already reviewed the first episode of The Lake, a comedy about a gay guy who returns to the Lake where he spent summers during his childhood, with plots about bonding with the teenage daughter he never met and trying to save his grandfather's beloved cabin.  I want to review Episode 4 because: it features a gay three-way with 1990s heartthrob Jerry O'Connell

Scene 1: Everyone is cheering at the junior lifeguard trials. Justin (Jordan Gavaris, left) and his Daughter watch from a distance and make fun of them.  But they're only being slightly sarcastic today, because they have won a victory: the board voted against the Evil Maisy's scheme to renovate (that is, tear down) the cottage Justin visited in as a child -- he never actually lived there, but he is desperate to keep it the way it was, a sort of anchor to his past.  Most of the plot arcs involve Jason trying to keep the cottage out of Evil Maisy's clutches.  

Speak of the Devil: Evil Maisy drops by to introduce Jason to Gil the Thrill (Jerry O'Connell), who  is running for Mayor.  Gloating, Evil Maisy notes that the Mayor can re-classify the cottage as a farmhouse, which doesn't need Board approval to be...torn down!  

To make matter's worse, he's hot for Jason!  Dude, maybe you could convince him to not-reclassify the cottage by getting on your knees? No, not to beg.

Scene 2: By the way, Daughter's Crush (Jared Scott), who also happens to be Evil Maisy's son, won the lifeguard contest.  The first Chinese-Canadian Junior Lifeguard in Lake history!  He gets his sash and the keys to the legendary Boathouse while Mom, Dad, and his brother Opal (Declan Whaley) watch.  No, Opal is not trans, or nonbinary.  He's a femme gay boy.  

After the boys leave to hang out with Justin's Daughter, Evil Maisy and her Semi-Evil Husband (Terry Chen, left) discuss their evil scheme to get the cabin re-classified.  "Remember, Dear, this is Justin's fault.  He sabotaged my previous play to destroy his childhood memories, mwah-ha-ha, so, so stay frosty."

Scene 3: Justin is going through withdrawal from junk food due to Daughter's health consciousness, so he runs into the Tuck Shop, sneaks behind the counter, and grabs some chips. Manager Riley (Travis Nelson, below) appears. Beep! Gil the Thrill (mayoral candidate Jerry O'Connell) is contacing them both on Grindr.  Nice chest, and he's into three-ways, but he's in cahoots with Evil Maisy!  

Scene 4: Cut to Daughter and her Crush discussing the evil re-classification scheme.  Even though he's Evil Maisy's son, Crush wants to keep the cabin, for a reason too complicated (and gross) to explain. 

After Crush leaves, Scandinavian Hippie Ulrika comes in with a fish to be tested for herpes.  A big deal --if it tests positive, they have to close down the lake for weeks-- no boating, swimming, waterskiing, or construction.  Hmm -- Daughter has a idea.

Scene 5: Justin talks to Jayne, apparently his only Ally in the cabin plot.  She is upset because Daugher's Crush won Junior Lifeguard instead of her own daughters. "Grr...Evil Maisy and her family ruin every.  The next time I see hre, I'm going to tell her...."  Whoops, at that moment her ally Gil the Thrill appears. "...how excited I am about her cook-out tonight.  I'm bringing crab cakes."

When she leaves, Gil gets down to business: he wants to hook up with Justin. "No way -- you're on Evil Maisy's team, trying to destroy my childhood memories!"  

"But I might change my mind on the reclassification if you'll have sex with me."nees. Hey, that's sexual coercion! I know, I thought of it first. 

:"Thanks, but I have a date with Riley tonight." "I like three-ways. Bring him along, and it's a done deal.  I'll refuse to reclassify and stick it to Evil Maisy after I stick it to you."

More sticking after the break

Sweethearts: Thanksgiving romcom proving that there's gay life and cocks in rural Ohio, so don't move to New York

 

Sweethearts, on MAX, is a rare Thanksgiving romcom about two best friends who are going to the same college but distance-dating their life partners: Ben is with Claire, still in high school.

Ben is played by Nico Hiraga, left, a former semi-pro skateboarder from San Francisco. He has appeared in Booksmart, Love in Taipei, Goodrich, and The Power.

His best friend Jamie, a girl (Kiernan Shipka), is with Simon (Charlie Hall, left), who is dumb as a fence post but got into Harvard on a football scholarship.  Say what? 

 The long distance relationships  aren't working out, so the two make a plan to break up with their partners when they all go home for Thanksgiving.  

Left: Simon butt

Obviously they're going to get together or it wouldn't be a romcom.  I'm fast forwarding through their scenes to get to Palmer (Caleb Hearon), the flamboyantly feminine "third friend" pictured in the animated opening. He's probably the standard romcom gay best friend who facilitates the romance, but maybe he'll get a boyfriend of his own.

Correction: I'm also interested in Ben's college roommate Tyler, played by Zach Zucker , a "Bad Bi Boy Clown" -- literally. He trained for two years at the Ecole Philippe Gaulier.  

On his Facebook page, Zach notes that "Bi Visibility Day is cool because it forces all of the people who have caused you pain by denying your existence to look at your butt and mask-covered dick pics."   Where's the mask covered dick pic, Zach?

His character is introduced smooching a girl in bed, but maybe he's bi:

He looks at Ben's fake id and comments: "I'll go out with you.  Just kidding."

Ben has his hands full, so he asks Tyler to take his cell phone from his pocket.  "Whoops, wrong phone.  Just kidding."  

He seems to be dancing with Ben in the closing party scene.

And that's just when  I paused the fast-forwarding.

Paris: "Third Friend" Parker is introduced at Minute 15, calling the duo, wearing a striped shirt and beret, sitting in front of an image of the Eiffel Tower.  He took a gap year after high school to move to Paris, and he is working at a fast-food place near Euro Disney.  Why would visitors to Euro Disney want to see fast-food workers in clichéd French costumes?  

He announces that he is no longer "vaguely pretending to be straight." Really?  Who would think you were straight after talking to you for 30 seconds? 

He'll be coming out to a select group of former classmates at a party at his house on the night before Thanksgiving.

More after the break, including a rural Ohio gay community and some dicks,  Caution: explicit.

"Dashing in December": Campy Christmas romcom with gay guys and a ranch that needs saving. Plus Neil Patrick Harris's butt

I was recommended Dashing in December, a Christmas romcom advertised on Amazon Prime as a tv series, for some reason.  The blurb gives the standard plotline: Big City careers are stupid, go home for Christmas and find love.  The twist: Big City is a guy!  It will take about 10 minutes of screen time for the big reveal: he's gay!

Scene 1: Establishing shot of NYC.  Big, Important Financial Planner Wyatt (Peter Porte) is at an office Christmas party, miserable amid the talk of husbands and wives.  He and Lindsey broke up in October, so he'll be alone!  At Christmas! Hey, I thought Wyatt was gay.  Has he not figured it out yet, or is Lindsey a made-up girlfriend? 

"What went wrong?" the Big Boss wants to know. "I thought you and Lindsey were perfect for each other."  So they've met?  Maybe Lindsey is a beard? Or maybe he's bi?

 "The nonstop trips to the Cape, the five-star restaurants every night. I want someone with simple, down-home tases."  Should have thought of that before you moved to the Big City, Dude. 

More plot: this is the first Christmas since Dad passed away, so Mom is depressed, so he's going back to the ranch in Colorado.  10,000 to one he finds love there.

Hey, the hot bartender (Eric Meroño, left) grins at Wyatt!  If you came in cold, this would be your first clue that Wyatt might not be straight, but I'll bet not one viewer in 100 catches it

Scene 2: Establishing shot of a beautiful ranch in Colorado. Wyatt's Mom brings tea to her workers: a girl and Heath (Juan Pablo de Pace, below).  She announces that Wyatt is coming home for Christmas, for the first time in five years.  Heath has only been working there for three years, so they've never met, but the girl is his High School Girlfriend. Whoa, Wyatt really racks up the babes.  

"Won't your husband, who is out of the country working for Doctors Without Borders, be jealous of your ex-boyfriend visiting?" Heath asks. 

High School Girlfriend, grinning: "I...don't...think so."  Her certainty is another clue.

Heath leaves, and High School Girlfriend interrogates Mom: "Heath doesn't know about Wyatt?" 

 "Well, I couldn't just tell him, could I?"  Tell him what, Mom?  What about your son is such a problem that you're afraid to tell your employee about it?

"Well, does Wyatt know about Heath?"  

"What could I say: you guys are both gay?"  The big reveal!   Why all the circumlocution and misdirection?  Probably the same rationale as not revealing that a tv character is gay until Season 2: you want the viewers to become invested in the story first, so they won't run away in homophobic horror. 

Wait -- Ranch Hand Heath is gay, too?  So what's the problem? This will be a very short romcom. Wyatt's plane lands, sparks fly, mistletoe, the end.

Scene 3:  Heath giving two moms and two kids (a lesbian couple?) a tour of Santa's Workshop. By horse-drawn carriage, not sleigh: there's no snow on the ground. 

Meanwhile, Wyatt arrives. pulls out his luggage, and grimaces. Yuck, back at the place I found so oppressive as growing up!   Mom hugs him and immediately envisions him having kids. Geez, Lady, wait until he's in the house before pressuring him to get married and have kids. 

Wait -- if Wyatt is gay, what's up with the ex-girlfriend Lindsey?  Mom references them with he/him pronouns -- yep, he was a guy with a girl's name, a misdirection to fool us before the big reveal.  Or Wyatt has a thing for gender-bending names: his High School Girlfriend is named Blake.   

Mom points out Heath: "He keeps the place going."  Wyat notices the lack of customers for Santa's Village, and criticizes him for not doing his job.  Yeah, Heath, get busy and make with the snowfall!

Scene 4: Heath and High School Girlfriend are heading to dinner, and to meet Wyatt.  Heath worries that he will be homophobic, but she reassures him: that won't be a problem.  So the guy who escaped Colorado, with its long history of homophobic legislation, for the freedom of a gay mecca, is homophobic?  

At dinner, Wyatt snipes at Heath (left), misnames him Hank, criticizes the terrible wine he brought, and ignores him to chat up High School Girlfriend. This isn't going well, but then neither of the guys knows that the other is gay.  

More misdirection after the break

"Christmas on Cherry Lane": Three families, including a gay couple, with a big plot twist that you won't see coming

 

Christmas on Cherry Lane (2023) stars Vincent Rodriguez III, the muscular, bulging actor who specializes in family-friendly gay guys.  I figured I would watch in the background while doing other things on my laptop, but no, it requires you to pay attention.  There's a major plot twist.  I'm giving only the character names, not the actors' names.

There are three families on Cherry Lane on Christmas Eve

Family 1: John and Lizzie, who is due in two weeks,  just moved into the house, and are planning a quiet Christmas alone. They put up the tree and sing "Oh Come, All Ye Faithful," with a Hallmark Tree Trimmer ornament.  This will become important later.

Suddenly Lizzie's Mom and Dad arrive, and announce that they invited her brother and his family!  But Johnand Lizzie haven't even unpacked. Where will they put all those people?  

Left: Dad Frank 

Family 2: Regina and her friend Daisy, not shown, unpack Christmas decorations.  Her back story: she's a widow with adult children, and a boyfriend named Nelson.    

The adult kids, Winnie and Conrad, arrive in a horrible car.  Why does he keep it, now that he's making a ton of money?  Because his Uncle Ham gave it to him after Dad died. This will be important later.  

Sister Winnie doesn't have a job, except singing at open-mike nights for tips, but she'll be a famous singer one day, she says.  Mom wants her to try business school.

Mom announces that she's getting married to her Boyfriend, and she's selling the house and moving to Florida.  The adult children do not like this at all, and plot to break them up.

Family #3: Zian, left, and Mike, who works as a chef at a restaurant called Repair. They just moved into their house, too, and they're planning a Christmas Eve party tonight with twelve people.  Except contractor Quinn and his crew haven't finished remodeling the kitchen yet.  He brings them a plate of Christmas cookies, complements them on what a cute couple they are, and asks if "that famous singer" is coming to the party.  This will be important later.

Mike is freaking out.  Maybe they could move the party to the restaurant?  No, this is the first Christmas in their new house, where they're going to raise their family, so it's important to hold it here.  They walk outside and sit on lawn chairs in the cold and sing "Silent Night."  All of it.

Speaking of starting a family, the lady from the adoption agency tells them that the foster family they were placing a girl with backed out, so they're getting a child tonight -- on Christmas Eve.  With twelve people coming for a party.  Hopefully a family-friendly party.  How are they going to get a bedroom ready?

More plot complications after the break.  Spoiler alert: it's a big plot twist.

"The Holiday Exchange": Immensely wealthy A-gays look for love at Christmas. Watch with your grandmother

  

It's not even Halloween yet, but the romcoms are started.  

Darn, they all have such interchangeable titles that I forgot which one I'm reviewing. Oh, right, The Holiday Exchange, on Amazon Prime.  

The icon shows a woman torn between two men, and the blurb is about a guy going on a "holiday exchange" that he found on a gay app, so I suspect some "mistaken for gay" jokes as the guy finds the Girl of His Dreams.

Scene 1: A guy wearing an eye mask and a frilly shirt wakes up -- gay. Close-up of a photo of him and his boyfriend -- gay.  He knocks it over, drinks some booze, and shaves and applies femme moisterizer products -- gay. 

A guy texts: "Wilde, call me back," but he ignores it.  Moisturizer guy is named Wilde, like Oscar?  Gay. He's played by Taylor Frey, top photo, who also wrote the screenplay.

Knock on the door: It's femme fashion designer Chase, Colton Tran, and a woman, with ideas for his wedding outfit: "Your Mom told us that your Big Day was coming."

"Nope, you misunderstood, I'm not getting married, I'm selling my company."

"Oh, well, we have ideas for that, too."

Wilde goes annoyingly over the top complementing Fashion Designer Chase; he is an angel, a shining light, goodness personified; he has created everlasting happiness for literally thousands of people by...um...designing their clothes. 

Back story: Wilde just dumped his boyfriend, Sean.

Scene 2:  An idyllic village, over the top idyllic, Currier & Ives idyllic. 

George tells his business partner Oliver, Rick Cosnett, how they met, confesses to drinking too much, and then lays on the over-effusive praise.  

Oliver is also an angel, goodness personified, spearheading drives that raise billions for charity. He's single-handedly wiped out world hunger.  Don't introduce Oliver to Chase the Fashion Designer, or they'll cancel each other out.  

His problems: he is too busy with his day job as a divorce lawyer, his numerous charities, and taking over Dad's business when he retires to get a boyfriend. Coworker George is in favor of being single. This must be the "mistaken for gay" guy.

Wait -- they specifically state that they live in Los Angeles.  The establishing shot was a New England Currier & Ives village. What the fudge?

Out in the elegant party, Saintly Oliver talks to James, who works in his company.  They hedge around the discussion of why their last date was so awful. So Saintly Oliver and Moisturizer Wilde are both gay?  Who's going to hook up with the lady in the middle of the icon?  

No,  James "can't" get together during the holidays: he'll be seeing family, driving up the coast. Dude's not into you. 

I'm watching with subtitles, so I can't hear the accents, but these people are saying "Happy Christmas" to each other.  Could they live in Britain, but be having an elegant party in L.A.?

More after the break.

Pain and Glory: An aging director recalls his first crush and his first boyfriend, with nostalgia and nudity

For forty years, Pedro Almodóvar has been giving us raucous, irreverent, sometimes funny glimpses into the sexual and social freedom of post-Franco Spain: Bad Education; Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!; A Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown; What Have I Done to Deserve This? He's not exactly a proponent of essentialist gay identity: his gay men are usually there to have affairs with the female focus character, when she's not busy seducing her stepson.  Or maybe she'll seduce her stepson and his boyfriend, or join her sister in having the affair with the gay man.  There will be male nudity, urination, pop culture references, and kitsch. And these aren't comedies. 

Pedro went through similar machinations in his private life, being closeted, then stating that he was bisexual, and finally coming out as gay.  He's been with his partner, Fernando Iglesias, since 2002.

Dolor y gloria, Pain and Glory, is the 74-year old director's swan song, a summary and perhaps a justification of his work, touching on all of his major themes:  "sentimientos, costumbrismo, reencuentros, homosexualidad, sensibilidad, pasión, familia, drogas… "

Almodóvar stand-in Salvador, played by regular star Antonio Banderas, is an aging director, in physical and mental decline.  His chronic pain has kept him from new projects for several years.

Left: A misty memory of Banderas, fully nude in his first film appearance in 1982.

Asked to speak at the restoration of one of his old films, Flavor, he decides to look up the star, Alberto (Asier Etxeandia, left), whom he hasn't seen since the filming.  They had a falling out over Alberto's use of heroin on the set.

While reconciling, and trying heroin himself to ease his chronic pain, he tells the story of his first boyfriend.  

His First Boyfriend:  Director Salvador was in a relationship with Federico, played by Leonardo Sbaraglia, in the 1980s, but ended it due to his heroin use.  

Federico turned out to be one of Almodovar's temporary gay men: he left the "lifestyle" behind, moved to Argentina, married a woman, and had children.

Flavor star Alberto turns this story into a play that draws the attention of the real life Federico.  He returns to Madrid and wants to start the relationship again, but Director Salvador wants to keep the past in the past. 

More after the break