Sweet Magnolias: Southern ladies stick together, with hunky husbands, a gay couple, Aidan Merwarth, and drama club cocks

 

Aidan Merwarth played Spencer, who had a disastrous first date with Finn (Faly Rakotahavana), in a 2024 episode of Unprisoned.  I've been following him since, looking for more gay or gay-light roles, and I just discovered that he has an ongoing character arc in Season 5 of Sweet Magnolias.  Shows set in the South don't usually have gay characters, but this season the high schoolers are staging a play, The Taming of the Shrew.  Where there's a drama club, there are gay teens.  Let's hope that Aidan is one of them.

I'm reviewing Episode 5.6, "Smoke and Mirrors," figuring that by this point they will be having dress rehearsals.

For reference, you should know that the Sweet Magnolias are three friends who support each other like the Steel Magnolias that they are named after.  From left to right, Dana Sue, who owns the restaurant Sullivan's, Maddie, a writer; and Helen, a lawyer.  They co-own a spa/gym. 

Scene 1: Night.  Everyone is crying and bringing toys and teddy bears out of a smoldering building.  Dana Sue and her husband learn that the fire started in the garage due to the "usual suspects": faulty wiring, greasy rags, and so on.  They divvy up who is going to stay with who.  Hey, there are no kids in the house, just Dana Sue, her husband, and their teenage daughter.  Surely regular viewers would know that, and be immune to the tearjerking of throwing out dinhrf teddy bears.

There are different plot arcs involving each character, all interspliced, but I'll cover them separately.

Dana Sue's Story

Dana Sue and her husband (Brandon Quinn, bulge left) are staying with Maddie the Writer and her husband.  They drink tea and cry.  Later, unable to sleep, they discuss the fire, and how "we can possibly get through this."  Don't y'all have insurance?

Husband feels guilty because the fire is his fault; as the man, he should have been taking care of whatever household item caused the fire.  Right, God forbid dainty little ladies know anything about home improvement projects.

In the morning, Dana Sue inspects the fire-damaged house.  Her Husband gets angry at her for just throwing things into boxes;  they have to check what can be salvaged and what can't be.  "I'm choosing what's important to me!" she exclaims.  "Like this old, singed cooking pot that belonged to my mother!"  Or you could look for photos.

He stomps off.

Cut to Dana Sue and her friends going to Flawed But Still Worthy, where they have an appointment with Wally himself.  To buy used clothes?  Wally (Geoffrey D. Williams), a flamboyant middle-aged black man in a pink suit, is a fan favorite for his "powerful and uplifting scenes."  He has chosen some outfits to give Dana Sue "a little joy to get through the hard times.  It's what makes the darkness bearable."  And, by the way, they are on the house.

Cut to Dana Sue going through her new stuff, and complaining that her hair still smells like smoke.  Then she goes to her restaurant and makes quesadillas for her friends. I'm fast forwarding through the "friends stick together" tearjerking. 

In the morning, Dana Sue and her Husband are discussing things, when Fireman Leif shows up (Ben VanderMey, left).   The Fire Department has donated some food for the 4th of July Barbecue.

Isaac's Story

The morning after the fire, Isaac (Chris Medlin, left) gets a vistor, Michael (Kyle Findley), who tries to hug him and is rejected.  He came a day early so he can help the people displaced by the fire.  Hey, they start kissing.  They're boyfriends!  I guess Isaac rejected the hug because they were still standing in the doorway, and neighbors might see them.

They head to the bedroom.

That night, there's a knock on the door.  It's a blond woman, maybe Noreen, and her young child, with teddy bear.  She's surprised to see Boyfriend Michael. He explains that he arrived early, but don't worry, they can babysit together. 

Noreen watches until Boyfriend Michael leaves with the girl, and then asks for the dirt.  Isaac is hiding it, but extremely upset that Boyfriend came early: "I work so hard to be methodical and organized, and this is how he repays me?  By being impulse and unpredictable?"  The scoundrel!  Dump him for not following the schedule!    

Plus he's trying to prepare a surprise anniversary dinner, and how can it be a surprise with Boyfriend Michael by his side every second?  I thought he was out helping the displaced family.

"No problem.  I'll help you."  Don't you have somewhere to be, which is why you needed a babysitter?

The next day, Isaac invites Michael to the coffee shop to explain where they source their beans and how he creates the staff schedules.  If I wanted to hear about that, I'd get a job.  Let's get back to the kissing. He gives him a drink called The Michael: Cold-brew, tonic, and cherry juice.  Yuck. 

That night, Isaac and Noreen set up for the surprise anniversary dinner on the high school stage, having transformed it into an Italian restaurant. Boyfriend Michael arrived; as they get their antipasto, Isaac tells him that he needs to share how he feels: "I love you."  Thety dance.  That's it?  I thought you were going to propose.

More after the break

Not Suitable for Work: A 2020s "Friends" with two breakups, two meet-cutes, three cocks (two visible), fashion, finance, and a gay guy turned straight.

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Fionna and Cake: Complex adult-oriented sequel to "Adventure Time," with two out gay couples and lot of back story and butts

  

The Cartoon Network series Adventure Time (2010-18) sent 12-16 year old human Finn (Jeremy Shada, left) and his magical dog companion Jake on adventures in the medieval-style world of Ooo (occupied by sentient candy, slime, and fire beings, plus a few animals and humanoids).  Eventually we learn that this is a post-apocalyptic world where things went wrong during the Mushroom Wars 1,000 years ago.  It gets more complex and much more sinister, with back story after back story, with Lovecraftian cosmic beings pulling the strings of the world, only to discover that there are darker gods changing reality on a whim. 

  All you really need to know about is the only same-sex romance in the series, between the Bubblegum Princess  --really an Elemental, one of the four substances that created the universe and all life, but presenting as a 16-year old girl -- and Marceline, a 1000 year old teenage vampire whose mentor Simon Petrikov put on a magical crown and became the insane Ice King -- got all that?  They become girlfriends in the last scene of the last episode -- typical, no open gay characters until series fade-out. 

Fionna and Cake were a gender-swapping Finn and Jake in the Ice King's fan fiction. Then an omnipotent being decided to bring them to life, and after some adventures, remove their magical powers and memories and place them in a pocket universe designed to look like a 21st century city.  But things are a little off-- generic names like "City Park", backgrounds a little smudged, everything tastes like cardboard, there is nothing but elevator music on the radio, nothing on tv but reruns of Cheers and Friends.  Cake is non-sentient, and Fionna is so discouraged that she keeps getting fired from dead-end jobs.

Episode 1.6, "The Winter King," features a meeting between the male counterparts of the Bubblegum Princess and Marceline: Gary Prince (Andrew Rannells, left), a baker who has discovered a way to give food taste; and Marshall Lee (Donald Glover, below), an aspiring musician who has discovered how to use a guitar. They kiss in Episode 1.7.

Both voice actors are gay in real life.

Left: Gratuitous Rannells butt.

One day Fionna and Cake find their way to Ooo, where they meet Finn from the original series, now middle aged, and the Ice King, now reverted to human form as Simon Petrikov.  After many adventures on a variety of worlds, they decide that they like their original pocket-universe, and return in time to save their city from destruction under a godlike being named Scarab.  End of Season 1.

We hear all of this in the opening sequence of Season 2: it is told in story form to Simon (the former Ice King) and girlfriends Marcelline and the Bubblegum Princess by a little girl whose back story on the fan wiki is too complex to mention.  So maybe the Fionna-Cake universe is still a fan fiction?

I think we're ready for a review of Episode 2.1.

Scene 1: Fionna awakens, relishing her new human life, and sets out with Cake into the still-recovering City.  She helps out at the places where she was fired previously, except for the tour bus ("on your left you'll see more destruction"), where tour guide Queenie (a gender-reversed, child version of the evil King of Ooo) calls her a "deadbeat."

Scene 2: Next the Candy Supply Store, where the shape-shifting, still-sentient Cake transforms into a buxom woman so she can flirt with the owner.  Fionna grabs the last bag of cocoa powder, but the evil Lady Cutter steals it and calls her a loser. They fight.

Scene 3: On the street, Fionna gets a call from Simon Petrikov, back in Ooo, who is living with the Bubblegum Princess and Marceline.  He'll start teaching magical arts at the university tomorrow. Meanwhile, Cake destroys all of the posters advertising DJ Flame, Fionna's ex (the gender-swapped version of the Flame Princess, Finn's ex).

Scene 4: In a forest on Ooo, a lion steals an orange from a tomb, and the Huntress Wizard, the middle-aged Finn's estranged girlfriend, gives chase.  She finds it in a cave with a cow and a duck, squeezing the juice into the mouth of the  nearly-unconscious Finn.  He is dying.   

More after the break

"This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans." But does it have any cocks? Thai BL with cooking and evil schemes. Plus Japanese and Himalayan dudes

I 'm seeing more and more Thai BL series on Netflix.   I like the universe where everybody is gay or bi, and the settings are sometimes interesting, but the multisyllabic names make research difficult. Try typing "Sailub Hemmawich Kwanamphaiphan" and "gay" into your search engine. And when you do, they never have nude photos available; I have to make do with random nude dudes.  I think this one is Japanese, not Thai.  But who can resist a show called This Love Doesn't have Long Beans?

I checked: Long beans, fak yao, are legumes, denser and less juicy than Western green beans, and they grow up to three feet long.  No proverb that I could find.  

Scene 1:  Influencer Prawan is reviewing the No Long Beans Basil House. He only reviews restaurants that specialize in basil stir fry, pad krapao.  This one is special because they don't include long beans, a traditional ingredient in the dish.  

He praises the atmosphere, the plating, and the food, loudly, annoying the other customers, until Chef Oab, the "Hellfire Chef," asks him to leave.  Then he hates everything, insults Chef Oab, and tries to fight him.  Waiters hold him back.

"You think because you're a great chef, and incredibly handsome, that you can push people around! Well, I'll get even.  I'll leave a bad review, and none of my 13 followers will come to your restaurant."

Scene 2: Shirtless musclemen posing for the camera.  Influencer Prawan bursts in late, and then won't take off his shirt.  "It's a commercial for a weight loss clinic.  We asked for a model with a six pack." "Well..um...I can act."  The director kicks him out.

Next he gets a text from the electric company: he has to pay his bill today, or they're cutting off his power.  But he only has 99 baht (about $3.00) in his bank account.   What can he do?

How about ask his agent for a loan?  No way -- he got Prawan that modeling job, and he was kicked off the set for not being in shape.  "You promised that you'd be in model shape by the beginning of the year!  

Prawan begs for another chance.  His influencer career isn't working out -- no one is paying him to review restaurants.  Maybe if you expanded beyond pad krapao?   

"Just get me one more job."  

"No, you're hopeless."

Scene 3: Back home, Prawan is inundated by bills from creditors and disconnect notices. He goes to his friend JJ's house and announces that he's staying there.

"Only for one night.  After that, you go home."

"But my power's been cut off.  I can't go home."

"I've paid your electric bill."

"Oh...well, they've turned off the water, too..." Har-har.

Scene 3: Chef Oab reviewing a commercial for his restaurant.  First, as one of the celebrity judges on Kitchen Fire Thailand (logo in English), he screams that the pork is undercooked, and tastes awful. Cut to praising how he selects the ingredients for the world's best pad krapao.  Most important: no long beans. Shouldn't that be a matter of taste?  

He's not going to use the commercial.

"But why?  We can make any changes you want."

"Because I'm closing the restaurant.  I've lost my passion."  

"Is it because of your ex girlfriend?"   Cut to him and his girlfriend hugging, gazing at each other, tasting food, and opening their restaurant, with "no long beans" because she is allergic to them.  

"Yes, and also I need money.  I'll sell to the first person who meets my offer."

More after the break

Khemjira: A Thai shaman and his students find boyfriends, with a "Power Ranger" demon, muscular ghosts, magic bees, a play, and penises

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"Love Like a Bike": three gay romances, a lot of hot physiques, four d*cks, and a view of Pattaya. Plus sex work and human trafficking.

Netflix just dropped a Thai tv series called Love Like a Bike (I think; I am not familiar with an expression about life or love being like a bicycle).  The blur promises "three siblings raised in different countries reunited," but the illustration shows six men , so doubtless at least one of them will be gay.

Scene 1:  Pattaya, a resort town about two hours by car from Bangkok.  A slightly cross-eyed young man named Sailom (Tanapol Jarujittranon)  is walking on a path overlooking the shore, when a guy asks for directions and grabs his hand.  He freaks out, screaming "Don't touch me!", and runs into the path of a bicyclist, who is thrown off.  He falls to the ground,  the bicyclist on top of him, mouth to mouth (I don't understand the trajectory -- did the bicyclist, going forward, somehow manage to fall backwards and spin around?).    He yells "Don't touch me!" again and runs away.  Dude must be on the autism spectrum.  And he's obviously gay. That was fast.

He runs into a cafe (English sign) and tells his brother and sister what happened.  They must be the three siblings. Darn, he lost the necklace that his Mom gave him.  They go back to the shore and look around, but can't find it.

The Brother, James, is played by MJ Teachin Paksa (left). 

Scene 2: The bicyclist, Nubnueng (Masu Junyangdikul), ends up at a Mental Health Clinic (sign in English and Thai), where he works as a psychiatrist.  He talks down an angry husband who claims that Nubnueng encouraged his wife to dump him. I'm going to start calling him the Doctor.

Left: A brief search suggests that this is Masu's cock.

Scene 3: Next stop: The Life is Like a Bike Coffee Shop, run by the Doctor's mother and baby sister.  Uh-oh, in the accident, he lost the ring that he planned to use to propose to his girlfriend, but he found a necklace; he'll use that. 

Cut to that night: the Doctor and his girlfriend are having dinner.  They simultaneously tell each other, "I have something to say." He pulls out the necklace, but asks her to go first.  Gulp...she's going to dump you, isn't she?

Yep: cut to the Doctor in a bar with neon Bible verses on the wall, morosely dangling the necklace.  Sailom and his friends drop in.  He recognizes the necklace, and accuses the Doctor of stealing it.  

"I didn't steal it, I found it -- here, I'll give it back."  He presses it into Sailom's hand -- hey, no flinching.  

The argument draws security guards, who start manhandling Sailom.  He has a full panic attack, but the Doctor talks him down, and invites him to come to the mental health clinic whenever he needs to.

Later, Sailom takes a bath (some beefcake) and wonder why touching the Doctor was ok.  

Scene 4:  A bike shop.  A customer is harassing the bike guy  (Us Nititorn Akkarachotsopon), demanding that he work faster.  He's interrupted by a news story on his phone: on this day last year, an airplane on a  Bangkok-Chiang Mai flight crashed, killing a young girl.  The bike shop guy was the Pilot!  

Nititorn is gay in real life.  Have we got three gay characters so far?

Scene 5: Dindin (Ta Nannakun Pakapatpornpob) is taking tickets for a boat tour, when two toughs, one named Aish, approach him.  Their boss needs his money right away!  Dindin ditches them and runs down the streets of Pattaya, while they discuss how much trouble they'll be in if they don't get that money to the boss.  As he is running, he gets a phone call.  So he stops to take it?  They want him to sing at the bar tonight.   He also sees a job ad for a baker at the Life Like a Bike Cafe.  So, are you a singer or a baker?  I think I'll call you the Baker.

Left: I couldn't find nude photos of Dindin, so here's a random Thai guy.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 4.8: We finally see Big Dick Mitch. Plus a serial killer, Pontius' boyfriend, Tyler's tree trunk, and tied-up guys

 

 Title: "On Your Belly You Shall Go." Genesis 3.14, KJV: The Serpent tempted Adam and Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, leading to their knowledge of good and evil, so God curses it: "On your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life."  I imagine that we'll just see someone getting eaten by a snake.  Or a gator.

A Homosexual in Our Midst: Fox News broadcasts "Vance Simkins Loses Control at Award Ceremony."  He yells "They let a homosexual in our midst!" and starts punching and hitting people before being dragged off stage. 

Jesse, watching on tv, tells Amber "I fucking love this."  Amber agrees: "He is a very negative man."   They argue about what role Jesse had in Kelvin's victory, but end up agreeing that he was important "behind the scenes."

BJ's Hookups:  Judy wheeling BJ and the Monkey through the park, complaining that they used to do picnics and hookups.  Now they can't do that.  So BJ and Judy used to go on Grindr and invite guys over?  Tell me more.

BJ wants to show her something: He can get out of the wheelchair and walk a few steps before falling.  Then a few more steps.  "I am healed!" he yells.  The Monkey is not happy.

Cut to Eli is sitting in the dark, looking at photos of him with Lori.  He decides to cut his hair.  Thank God -- he looked horrible with that long, stringy do.

The Monkey Smokes: Family dinner at Jason's, around a round table, with the newly cleaned-up Eli, and the Monkey bringing dinner rolls to BJ.   Everyone praises Eli for cutting his hair; Jesse quips that he looked like "one of those Shakespearean witches."  So we've moved from Hamlet to Macbeth.

They wonder why BJ hasn't returned the Monkey, since he's cured.  He wants to keep it.

Pontius and Gideon, now friends, want to see the Monkey smoke, so Baby Billy pulls out a cigarette.  Like Kelvin, Gideon has decided to be "true to himself" and not be straitjacketed by societal expectations about Christian youth.  

The Monkey smokes!  Kelvin and Keefe want to get one: it would be a great addition to Game Night.  So they have a Game Night?  Who do they invite, gay couples?

Uh-oh, the Monkey starts to masturbate.  

The Monkey Turns Murderous: Judy is taking a bath when the Monkey comes in and grabs a plugged-in hair drier.  Hey, that will electrocute her!    He comes closer and closer, while Judy pleads: "Please don't murder me."  BJ rings the bell, and he rushes out.

She goes downstairs, where BJ is reading a romance novel, Sunkissed and Sentimental (not real) , and watching Chowder (2007-2010), a cartoon about an apprentice chef in a world where everyone is named after food (Kimchi, Mung Daal, Truffles, Gazpacho).  I'm not sure about the significance.

BJ refuses to believe that the Monkey is murderous, so she spins it, saying that they should give him to someone who needs his help.

Losing a Pet: Happy Helping Hands arrives, with Amber and Brody, to take the Monkey away. Crying, BJ notes that the Monkey has attachment issues ever since he lost his mother at a young age.   "He was beautiful, and he believed in me."  I fast forwarded through the scene. F*k the Sadness.

Left: Brody is played by Chris Rubiez. a "dad/husband" from Roanoke, Virginia, "half Lebanese and half country boy." No beefcake photos online, so I'll f*k the Sadness with a bear with a similar face and physique.

Ok, we've had the Sad Scene.  Now let's try for some Comedy.

Turn My Water into Wine: The Nanny grills a giant sausage at the beach while Tiffany and her kids sit at a picnic table. Baby Billy was supposed to be here an hour ago!  

Cut to Baby Billy snorting cocaine, and then playing Teenjus, who has just turned water into wine.  Johnny B (Pilot Bunch) proclaims that this will make him the hit of the village party, and he won't be bullied for having a virgin mother. 

Cut!  No Virgin Mom in the script!  No ad-libbing.  "Say exactly what I f*king wrote!"  I wouldn't be surprised if Johnny B walks.

Baby Billy stomps back to the Director's Tent to snort some more cocaine.

Cobb's Invitation:  Lori is sitting outside her house, being depressed.  Corey suggests that she call Eli, but she refuses; "And why do you care who I date?"  Because due to the breakup, he can't invite his oldest friends,  Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin, to his upcoming birthday party.

Lori: "Invite whoever you want.  I promise to be on my best behavior."

Cory: "Great, I'm inviting Daddy."  Uh-oh.

Cut to Corey's party.  He's disappointed that the Gemstones didn't show up.  His wife sent an evite, so they had to have seen it.

The Rambo Blade:  Daddy Cobb, appears while Corey is barbecuing.  His gift: a Gil Hibben original knife.  According to his website, Gil Hibben began designing knives in 1957.  He pioneered the use of 440c as blade steel and was the first to successfully develop a mirror finish on blades.

If you're not a bladesmith, these details might not be of substantial interest, but what about this: Gil designed the knives used in the Rambo movies and The Expendables, and is the Official Armourer of the Klingon Empire for the Star Trek franchise.  He is assisted by his sons, Wesley  and Derek.

Left: I doubt that Wesley is actually posing for gay Silver Fox websites, but you never know.

Corey doesn't seem to like the gift; he smiles weakly, thanks his dad, and puts it back in the scabbard.

Next, Cobb wants to know if Eli and Lori have broken up yet.  Corey doesn't want to talk about it; obsessing over Eli is unhealthy.  Cobb calls him a "little bitch" and slaps him.  

"You think you can still do that?" Corey asks. Abuse in his past.  

"I just did."  

Lori is in the kitchen washing dishes and saying goodbye to the departing guests, when Cobb appears to hassle her.  It would be a shame if anything were to happen to Eli, like it happened to Big Dick Mitch. Several of Lori's boyfriends have disappeared or died.  Have you been killing all of them, for the last twenty years?

After Cobb proclaims that no "real man" will ever love her the way he does, Lori orders him out.

Later, while Corey is repairing the window that the brick shattered (wasn't that like a month ago?), Lori complains that Eli is not responding to her calls and texts.  "Do you think Cobb would ever try to hurt him?"

Cory responds "No," but he looks worried. Why would he want to hurt Eli after they have broken up.

Dance Battle: On the set, Teenjus and his buds face off against the rival dance  team.  The leader proclaims: "You ain't got what it takes...we got this dance contest in the bag." 

All Shook Up: I think the Rival Leader is played by Tyler Goodhall, top photo and potential tree trunk left.  Righteous Gemstones is his only on-screen credit, but he has been involved in community and high school theater, starring in Grease, Into the Woods, and All Shook Up.

In response to the challenge, Teenjus begins a rap:

God then gives him the power to heal "a cripple," a sort of parallel to BJ regaining his mobility earlier.

It is actually a disappointing performance, cheesy, with no beefcake but a trio of female singer and a scantily-clad belly dancer.

Baby Billy stops the filming and criticizes Eli, playing a priest, for not being gleeful enough.

Cut to Eli and Baby Billy at lunch. Lori calls; Baby Billy advises not answering.  Find somebody else, a "big girl." She's trying to warn you about Cobb's threat, jackass. 

More after the break

The Testament of Ann Lee: The origin of the Shakers, with a female Christ, energetic dancing, gay guys, and a lot of male nudity

In high school I read Escape to Utopia by Everett Webber, about Icaria, New Harmony, and the many other attempts to create a perfect society that sprang up in 19th century America. They were usually founded by a reincarnated Jesus Christ, or God himself (or herself).  Most were communal, sexually adventurous, and, at least according to Webber, wacky.

The Koreshans believed that "we live inside," on the concave surface of the cosmic egg, even after the Messiah Cyrus Teed failed to come back to life three days after his death.

Thomas Lake Harris and the Brotherhood of the New Life worshipped Lady Pink Ears, queen of the rabbit fairies.

The Shakers practiced a radical separation of the sexes (men and women could never touch each other) and regulated everything (climb out of bed on the left side, with your right foot hitting the floor first).  Their energetic dance-worship drew the attention of many ghosts, iincluding Founding Fathers George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, who chatted with them and recited poetry.

Could we go back to the "never touch a woman" rule?  

I read more about the Shakers later, and visited one of the restored Shaker Villages, Sabbathday Lake in Maine.  And last night I saw The Testament of Ann Lee (2025), a sort of musical biopic about the founder of the Shakers.

Yes, it has gay interest.

Ann Lee was born in Manchester, England in 1735, and went to work in the cotton factory when she was five years old.  She had seven siblings, but she was only close to her younger brother William, who followed her everywhere.

She longed to be close to God, but didn't know how.  The rituals in the Anglican Church were meaningless.  Women were not permitted to learn to read, so she couldn't consult the Bible.  All she knew was that a barrier of some sort kept her broken, unable to experience Divine Love.

One night Ann saw her father (Willem van der Vegt, left) having carnal relations with her mother.Points for showing all of Dad's body and none of the wife's.  

 It was a sordid, bestial act; she imagined the Serpent tempting Adam in the Garden of Eden.  The next morning, when Ann called him out on his sin, he beat her.  

Years passed, and  the young adult Ann took a job as a cook in an infirmary, where she was overwhelmed by human suffering.  But she also heard about the Shaking Quakers or Shakers, a radical group that believed that God was male and female,so men and women had equal access to the Divine. 

One night she and her brother William attended a meeting.  The Shakers trembled uncontrollably as they confessed their sins to the group, and then as they were overwhelmed by the joy of God's forgiveness.  They also performed energetic, intricately-choreographed dances.  I imagine that these were not historically accurate, but they are worth the price of admission.

Ann and William had found a home.

  

More after the break

"28 Years Later: The Bone Temple": A cured zombie, the Devil's son, a Jimmy cult, musclemen, dongs, and 8 gay actors.

 

We just saw 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026), the sequel to 28 Years Later, with 14-year old Spike (Alfie Williams) swept away from his island haven into a mainland Scotland ravaged by a zombie apocalypse.  He unwillingly joins a cult run by Sir Lord Jimmy Crystal (Josh O'Connor), who fancies himself the son of Old Nick.  His Satanic Majesty has given Sir Jimmy the task of roaming his countryside and eliminating the remaining humans.  After torturing them, of course.

Very graphic torture. He begins by forcing Spike into a fight-to-the-death with Jimmy Shite (all of the followers wear blond wigs and are named Jimmy, after early 2000s tv personality Jimmy Saville).  Spike wins by stabbing him in the thigh; the others laugh and jeer as blood spurts out like a fountain.

Then the Jimmies invade a farmhouse, string up the occupants in a barn, and skin them alive.  But a woman who escaped returns, sets the barn on fire, and we see people burning to death.

Meanwhile Dr. Kelson (Ralph Fiennes), who is building the Bone Temple as a monument to the dead, pacifies the gigantic zombie Samson (Chi Parry-Lewis) with morphine and befriends him.  They even dance together.  The gay subtext is so overt that one suspects that it's intentional.  Finally Kelson figures a way to restore Samson to sentience with anti-psychotic drugs.

Spoiler Alert: The Jimmies stumble upon Dr. Kelson, and seeing him surrounded by bones, red in color, and dancing with a demon, assume that he is Old Nick.  Sir Jimmy soon discovers that he is not, but insists that he pretend to be, so he won't lose face with his followers.  So Kelson puts on a sound-and-fire show to Iron Maiden's "Number of the Beast."  He's about to let them leave, but he sees Spike as a Jimmy hostage, and changes his mind: in the old order, God sacrificed his son, so Old Nick wants the same.  Sir Jimmy is crucified upside down.

Bone Temple was definitely made with an eye for masculine beauty.  There are several shirtless musclemen.  Chi-Lewis Parry's prosthetic penis is much more visible, and in some scenes his incredibly muscular body is not covered with muck.

We see some other penises, including Dr. Kelson's (but to be fair, name one of Ralph Fiennes's movies where he doesn't show his dick).

I was worried that Spike would get a girlfriend.  He bonds with a girl, but she is much older, and treats him as a little brother or son rather than a potential boyfriend.

In fact, there is no hetero-romance anywhere, among anyone, except when we get a close-up of a photo of Dr. Kelson's long-dead wife, to heterosexualize him.

And so many of the Jimmies are played by gay actors that one suspects a deliberate casting decision

The Jimmies:

Jack O'Connell as Sir Jimmy Crystal.  Straight, but has played gay men several times.

More after the break

The Weird World of Gumball: Definitely weird, but is it adequately gay? With Jordan's junk, Kwesi's cock, and Alkaio Thiele

 

After identifying Alkaio Thiele of Wizards Beyond Waverly Place as probably gay due to his many male friends, his romance with Kayden Koshelev, and...well, just look at him, prancing with his mom (the butch one)... I've been going through his work, looking for gay subtexts. 

Left: I don't have any n*de photos of Alkaio, since he's under 18, but here's a random Greek guy.

 He is currently the star of The Wonderfully Weird World of Gumball (2025-), the latest in the franchise of animated series featuring a catlike being (Alkaio) and his adopted brother, the evolved goldfish Darwin (Hero Hunter).  They have ordinary middle school adventures in a world populated by an assortment of humanoids, animals, inanimate objects, gods, and spirits drawn in various conflicting styles.

Fans have been claiming that the new series is "super gay" and "insanely gay."  and pointing specifically to Episodes 1.13, "The Letter," and 2.8, "The Diary."  So let's take a look.

Episode 1.13, Scene 1: After school, Darwin is cheerful; Gumball is suspicious.  Finally he comes clean: He wrote his girlfriend Carrie (right) a love letter, and he's going to slip it in her locker.

"But Carrie is a cursed specter from the Underworld. She might not approve of love."

Then the ghost-being Carrie and her friend Penny, a glowing peanut, appear.  Gumball and Penny rub their faces over each other and smoochy-woochy. Two boy-girl romances.  It's not looking good for the "insanely gay" advocates.

Ghost-being Carrie icks.  She explains that she's dead inside, so she finds physical displays of affection "cringy and gross."  That's why she and Darwin get along so well -- he's not "a mewling puddle of mush."  

Uh-oh, she opens her locker, and her monster-knapsack absorbs Darwin's love letter!  

"But what if you get a cute 'I wuv you' letter?" Darwin asks, grasping at straws.

She possesses Gumball and makes him announce that the dead are deprived of love, so when a ghost hears "I love you," even when addressed to someone else, the hunger makes them lose control and devour your soul.  So is it that you don't like physical affection, or you don't like romantic love?  Make up your mind, lady.

Scene 2: At lunch, Ghost Carrie, Peanut Penny, and a cloud-being are discussing the circumstances under which a boy might say "I love you" and not get eaten. They specify a boy, assuming that all romances are boy-girl.  Things are not looking good.  

Gumball sneaks under the table, where the monster-knapsack eats him.  But it spits him out, and he brings the letter with him, along with Ghost Carrie's book of magic, which they can use to destroy it.

Scene 3: Gumball can't read the arcane language, so he tries conjuring at random.  First, a refrigerator.  Then a love spell. Gumball already loves Darwin, but "You really look like a snack right now." Ok, a reference to same-sex desire.

The dimwits finally realize that they could just throw the letter away, but as they toss, the giant ape Hector Jotunheim jumps in front of them, and it ends up in his backpack. Now he'll think that Darwin is in love with him!

Scene 4: Gumball suggests that "a sweet and chill partner" like the Giant Ape is a better match than an emo ghost, but Darwin insists that he loves only Ghost Carrie.  He doesn't assume that Darwin's romantic partners can only be girls. 

Whoops, the Giant Ape returns the letter -- during class --- and the teacher forces Darwin to read it aloud.  Now Carrie will know the truth! 

Wait, it's not his letter after all!  It's from the Giant Ape, explaining that he is not romantically interested: "I've tried dating people your size before, and I've been hurt."  Chances are they'll be hurt, too. Giant Apes have giant....you know.

Scene 5: Uh-oh, Carrie thinks that Darwin was trying to cheat on her with the Giant Ape and goes berserk, turning the hallways into a Lovecraftian hellzone, with eyes and tentacles everywhere.  Darwin tries to explain that the Giant Ape was responding to a letter to her, but instead of saying "I love you," he says "Eat my face."

Carrie rushes back into the school, possesses Gumball, and returns to kiss him.  "Thank you for understanding," Carrie/Gumball says.  They hug, and Carrie lets Gumball go.

Gumball is happy that he could help his friend, and imagines being there for him "all day, every day."  Well, maybe not all day, like on his wedding... he retches at the thought of watching Darwin's wedding night.  The end.

Gay Representation: Various allusions to people being pansexual, and no disgust over same-sex acts, but the main romance is between Darwin and Carrie. B+

Left: Another random Greek guy.

The diary and n*de black guys after the break