"The Hooligan": N*de musclemen, a Fat Thug, and some gay vibes in the life of a hooligan drug runner in Poland

 


The Hooligan
popped up on my Netflix feed this morning, with a cute, stern-looking guy staring at the camera.

Football hooligans are fans who support their team in excessive, violent ways. Whether they win or lose, they storm through the town, celebrating by overturning cars, breaking shop windows, setting fires, and assaulting bystanders.  

Sounds violent, but at least there will be some musclemen, and...maybe....possibly...one of the hooligans will be gay.

Left: When I googled "muscular football hooligan," this popped up. 





Scene 1:
 The Hooligan walking in slow motion down a dark street, with lights flashing as if he's being photographed by papparazi.  His left hand is gone, and his arm is in a leather cast.

Cut to the Hooligan, Kuba, and his mum, dad, and little brother drinking beer in a family restaurant.  Kuba is 17, and still has both hands.    

Wait -- this tv series is from Poland!  Not going to have any gay....

The IMDB doesn't say which actor is playing which character, but I think Kuba is played by Grzegorz Palkowski, who starred in a gay-themed Polish movie, Sucker's Death (2024).

"Gay-free zone" Poland has gay movies?

 


Dad is played by Wojciech Zelinski.

 Fat Thug complains to the Other Thug is too close to him, brushing against him (ugh!  contact with another dude -- disgusting!), and the Other Thug counters that his mother is not very good in bed. After demonstrating that they're homophobic, they stand back while their Boss approaches Dad and asks when he got out of prison. 

Back story: Dad used to be a famous soccer player, but then he went to prison for six or seventeen years.

They discuss the game tonight.  Third Guy thinks that Kuba has potential, and invites him to the gym to work on his chest.  Dad disagrees: they should work on his arms.  Wait -- do they want him to train to be a player, or a fan? .

When Mom goes up to pay the check, Boss approaches.  Apparently they were lovers 17 years ago, while Dad was in prison, and Kuba is his biological son, but they can't tell anyone.


Scene 2:  
RKS Gladius Stadium, a match between the Mazovia team and the good guys. A huge crowd of hooligans tryiing to get into the game, being rowdy as security checks them for guns. Fat Thug says "Don't grope me too much, ok dude?  I'm not into you."  Ok, he's protesting too much.  Dude is gay and closeted.

The game begins.  The fans of the two teams are kept strictly separate, under heavy guard, so they don't attack each other, but some musclemen jump over the barracades and push through the police cordon!  Dad tells Kubi that they have to leave to avoid being clobbered.  On the way out, they see some fans beating other fans to death.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.4: BJ gets baptized, Baby Billy gets Funyons, Kelvin gets dissed, and Harmon gets a cat. With nude Israeli dudes.

 


PreviousEpisode 2.3, Continued: The darkness of roller coasters, club bulges, hookups, and apples

Episode 2.4 is my favorite of the season. Although we continue with Eli and Kelvin's intertwining darkness, we add two more or less lighthearted plotlines, starring Judy/BJ and new characters Baby Billy/Tiffany. 

Title: "As to how They May Destroy Him." From Matthew 12:14, NASB. The Pharisees are trying to destroy Jesus.


A Boy and His Cat:
Flashback: Charlotte, North Carolina 1993.  Going in fresh, pretending to have never seen Season 1, we are introduced to new characters, the grinning, fast-talking Baby Billy, his wife Gloria, and their special-needs son Harmon, in the mall at Christmastime,  Later we will discover that Baby Billy is a ne-er-do-well, constantly coming up with sleazy scams and get-rich quick schemes.  He and his sister Aimee-Leigh were child stars before she went on to a career as a serious gospel singer and married Eli Gemstone.  Baby Billy never forgave her for "abandoning" him.
  
After Harmon gets a photo on Santa's lap, Gloria goes off to shop, leaving father and son alone. Baby Billy offers to let Harmon choose any Christmas present he wants.  He chooses a cat. Then Baby Billy says that he's going off to buy Funyons, onion-flavored snack rings (this will become important later).  Instead he runs away, abandoning his family! 

BJ's Family:  Judy's husband BJ, previously a nonbeliever, converted and was welcomed into the church in Episode 2.2.  Now it's time for his baptism, and he has invited his family to the event -- Mom, Stepdad, and grown sister KJ.   Judy disapproves of the "filthy atheists." and they are abrasive as well, angry at being put up in a hotel instead of some of the twenty or so guest rooms in Judy's mansion, and  thinking of the Gemstone ministry as a money-grubbing cult.  Yuck -- BJ kisses them all on the lips!  

KJ's butch mannerisms have led many fans to conclude that she, or the actress playing her,  is a lesbian.  Maybe KJ, but not Lilly Sullivan, who married Tim Baltz on February 5, 2022, two weeks after this episode aired. This makes the later allegations of incest especially problematic.

Remember the Lissons?: We cut to Jesse and Amber hanging out with the Lissons -- the megachurch pastors  planning a Christian resort  -- and discussing how close their friendship has become.  Jesse breaks the news that they can't get their Daddy to fork over the money to invest.  He's asked multiple times, but Eli refuses to budge.

Lyle is aghast. The Gemstones are worth over $600 million; surely Jesse can afford $10 million on his own?   Nope, it's all Daddy's money.  Jesse will control it someday, of course, but not until Eli dies.  

The Lissons are irate, lambast Jesse and Amber for being poor, and break off the friendship.  I think they just liked you for your money, guys.


The Ace of Spades: 
 Kelvin and Keefe figure that they can restore the confidence of the God Squad with a 40-day field trip in the Judean desert.   They walk across the Gemstone airfield, Kelvin in a military coat with a leopard-spotted beret, and Keefe in an oddly feminine black robe, with his backpack in front.  

Notice the Ace of Spades on Kelvin's coat. Some fans think that he is subtly coming out as asexual,  Actually, it was used by British and American soldiers in World War 1, symbolizing luck; World War II, victory; and Vietnam, death.    

But the Ace of Spades is the most powerful card in the deck, so Kelvin probably chose it to signify that he is the most powerful man in the group, the Alpha.

Uh-oh, Martin, Eli's chief accountant and right-hand man,  intercepts  them. Eli has refused to pay for the trip.  Do you see a parallel between Kelvin/Keefe and Jesse/Amber's problems?  

Kelvin bats his eyes, touches Martin's chest, and begs: "You got here too late.  We already took off. Please?"    Wait -- are you flirting with Martin?  Homoerotic hotness doesn't work on everyone, dude.

And it doesn't work: Martin lays down the law  Kelvin is forced to break the news that his father said no, thus losing even more of his authority with the God Squad musclemen.


I Know What a Tomater Is
:  In the Gemstone Parking Garage, Eli finds a tomato smooshed on his windshield.  The Tan  Man (James Preston Rogers) appears and says, threateningly, "Get the message?"  

Eli pretends that he isn't sure -- maybe something to do with a broken heart?  The Tan Man growls, howls, flexes and clarifies: "you hurt my boss's feelings real bad, and he's not the kind of guy who likes to have hurt feelings."  So, what kind of guy senjoy having hurt feelings?  "He wants an apology."  

Having confronted far more formidable foes, Eli is not impressed by the Tan Man's theatrics.  He sends a message for Junior:"tell him to go fuck hisself."  


BJ's Baptism: 
  As people file into the Baptismal Chapel, Baby Billy from the 1993 flashback, now with white hair and a whiter grin, performs "There is a fountain filled with blood" while his new wife, the young, very pregnant Tiffany, looks on.  

Outside, Kelvin argues that he cleared the whole God Squad to attend the baptism!  Nope, only he and a "plus one" are on the guest list.  The God Squad guys start murmuring again. Another blow to his authority! 

Kelvin promises to feed them all -- he asks his date, Keefe, to steal some food, resulting in humorous but ridiculous bits.  Do you really want to eat a shrimp that's been transported from the hors d'oeuvres table in Keefe's mouth?  Why not just go out for hamburgers?

Baby Billy begins the service, bragging that he's on the Christian Pop Charts now, and misnaming BJ as TJ.  He must not be very close to the Gemstone family, either.   Hey, the seat next to Kelvin is empty. Why isn't he sitting with his date?  Is Keefe already raiding the caterers for the after-party?

Next Judy sings: "When a man outgrows the family of his origin, and they've no place in his life./ Cause he's different now -- he's got to show them how."  

She was originally going to sing "Rock my Boy's Body," emphasizing the erotic nature of her relationship with BJ (it was moved to the episode finale).

People stop to ask me, "How do you please your man?"

Take it from the black sheep baby, every way I can

Sometimes it's with fire, and sometimes with ice

Just don't get it twisted, this body's gonna pay the price

Eli takes over and completes the baptism.  Judy introduces him as "BJ Christian Barnes."  

I was disappointed that they didn't actually make it to Israel. It would have been interesting to see Kelvin with Jerusalem Syndrome, where tourists surrounded by so many Biblical images come to believe that they are Jesus or the Jewish Messiah (but I guess he is already the Messiah of his muscle cult).  Plus Tel Aviv has the biggest and most open gay community of any city in the Middle East.  


Some Israeli guys after the break (warning: arousal).

David Faustino: Bud on "Married with Children" is star-ving, humiliated, butt-nekkid, and a gay ally

 


Everybody in West Hollywood watched Married..with Children (1987-1997) for its savage skewering of the heterosexist trajectory of job, house, wife, kids.  Al Bundy (Ed O'Neill, later patriarch Jay of Modern Family) is working at a soul-destroying minimum-wage job and, although he likes women in general, hates having s*x with Peg (Katie Sagal, later Leela on Futurama), a housewife who never cooks or cleans (although the house is always spotless).  His daughter Kelly (Christina Applegate) is constantly lambasted for being a "slut," and his son Bud (David Faustino), for being a "virgin."

Gay people only appeared in one or two episodes, always with a "har-har, they're gay!  Isn't that ridiculous!" comedic edge.  

But at least they weren't sleazoid serial killers.

When David began to bulk up, the writers obliged by making him extremely attractive, but still unable to acquire girls due to his abrasive personality.


After Married, David played a gay character in Get Your Stuff (2000), about a gay couple wanting to adopt a baby as a fashion accessory, and instead getting preteen brothers.  According to the trailer, there are a lot of jokes about the dads accidentally getting n*ked and the boys trying to get with a hot older woman.

In Killer Bud (2001): two down-and-out buds (David, Corin Nemec) try to burglarize a convenience store.  My first Faustino profile said that he played a gay character, but I can't see it in the synopsis.

Inn Ten Attitudes (2001), he played "himself," not gay but on the gay dating circuit (for a sleazy reason).

In 2008 he was cast as the lead in The Gay Robot, a pilot for a tv series about...um, a gay robot.  The project was never filmed, but the script might have been tweaked into the movie Robodoc (2009)

David hasn't played any specifically-identified gay characters since, but he often introduces gay subtexts deliberately into his work.


A lot of his movies feature stoner buddies, often David and Corin Nemec: Pucked, High Hopes, Puff Puff Pass, The Hustle, Not another B Movie.









In his web series Star-Ving (2009), he plays"himself" as a has-been, starving actor whose only source of income is a sleazy video shop.  There are cameos from various actors with a sleazy reputation, including Seth Green, Coolio, Ron Jeremy, and Kato Kaelin. 

There is a again a deliberate gay subtext in his relationship with Nemec, and a lot of backside shots, mostly an attempt to humiliate David or demonstrate how "ugly" he is. 





Here he wakes up after a night of debauchery with Ron Jeremy and some ladies.












More after the break

Gladiator II: Not as homophobic as you think, and there are musclemen

 


Tonight's movie night movie was Gladiator II, the sequel to Ridley Scott's Gladiator (2000) -- 25 years later.  I didn't want to see it because I heard it was extremely homophobic, but actually it wasn't bad.  Well, it was jingoistic and very violent, but the homophobia and heterosexism weren't too bad.

The wife of Numidian soldier Hanno (Paul Mescal) is killed during a Roman invasion around 200 AD, and he cries, screams, tries to prevent her from crossing the River Lethe for about five minutes, but then he rarely mentions her again, and he doesn't get a new girlfriend.  


He concentrates on getting revenge on the leader of the invading force, General Acacius (Pedro Pascal, left), which he will accomplish by becoming a gladiator under the scheming Macrinus (Denzel Washington).  







These aren't the hand-to-hand combat gladiators of sword-and-sandal movies.  The spectacles in the Coliseum include fights with baboons and a rhinocerous, and a sea-battle with full-size ships in a shark-infested tank

Guess what: Hanno discovers that he is actually the grandson of Marcus Aurelius, and therefore the true heir of the Roman Empire.  Plus his mother is now married to General Acacius -- he wants revenge on his stepfather!  Anybody up for an Oedipal conflict?

The only other heteronormative moment occurs when Hanno asks gladiator physician Ravi (Alexander Karim) why he traveled from India to Rome: "I met a woman."

Hanno grins: "There's always a woman."  Not always, heteronormative jerk. Gay men exist.

Homophobia: Pedro Pascal and Paul Mescal have both played gay characters. Macrinus, who is plotting to take over the Empire, has a "twinkle of bisexuality," according to Ridley Scott. 

 I've published a lot about gay subtexts, and I didn't notice anything. A scene where he kisses a guy was cut, "but not due to homophobia."  Of course not, due to the belief that this is 1973, and audiences will rush from the theater.   All that is left is a statement that he "doesn't like women" some days. Dude is closeted to the point of invisibility.


The decadent (that is, acting like women) twin Emperors Geta and Caracalla (Joseph Quinn, Fred Hechinger) are oozing with homophobic villain stereotypes, except one is gay and the other is straight (we can tell because they are each fondling a consort during a depraved-party scene).

The gay one, Caracalla, actually seems to be a little more stable (which is not saying much: he installs his pet monkey his chief advisor).  

They just need to be swishy stereotypes to counterbalance the hard straightness of their rival Hanno.



More after the break.

"Man in an Orange Shirt": Constantly depressed gay Brit hooks up, gets a boyfriend, plays cards with Gran. With bonus n*de Julians

 


Man in an Orange Shirt is a two-part BBC television series or coherent movie.  Part 1 features the "forbidden love" of two soldiers immediately after World War II.  It has a sad ending.  I don't want to watch that, so I'll skip to Part 2, about a modern-day couple, Adam and Steve.  Adam and Steve, like from the homophobic slogan: "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, therefore you shouldn't be gay"?  That's ridiculous! Is this a comedy?

No, a drama: "A minefield of internalized issues and dangerous temptations line the road to their happiness."  In 2018?

Scene 1: Long close-up of an eye as Adam (Julian Morris, who didn't come out until he was 38) scrolls through a hookup app while walking down the street.  He stares with a sinister expression, as if he's on his way to murder someone.

Cut to a long close-up of an elderly hand next to black-and-white photos of a man getting married and in a soldier uniform.  It turns out to belong to Mrs. Flora, a woman with a man's haircut, reading the newspaper while her attendant brings pills. If she was married to the WW2 guy, she'd be well over 90 now.

Psych!  Adam wasn't on his way to murder someone, he was just going to work.  He doesn't even seem to hate his job as a veterinarian. After returning a dog to its kid, he sees his next patient, a cat owned by Steve (David Gyasi)

Adam and Steve?  Come on, that's ridiculous.  

Some stuff about a sick, meowing cat that I'm fast forwarding through.


Scene 2:
And then Adam (left) and Steve have sex, but blurry, in weird angles, with obstacles in the way.  The dialogue is "Yes! Yes! Moan." 

Mrs. Flora's attendant leaves, with shepherd's pie in the oven for later, while Adam walks down the street with a bouqet of flowers.  Either the sinister look is his natural express, or Adam hates everyone and everything. 

He sits down to dinner with his grandmother, Mrs. Flora, and compliments her plate warmers.  She thinks that he is mocking her. A bit paranoid, Gran?  Then she criticizes his jacket. 

They discuss how Gran did a good job raising him, as opposed to...his sister?...who is having twins and therefore reprensible?  I'm not catching these British insult/compliments.  

Gran notes that she deflects all of the busybodies who ask when he's going to settle down: "Some of us prefer our own company."  Or you could just out him.  You know that he's gay, right?

Dinner over, Adam leaves, but Gran stays at the table, looking despondent.  You left her to do the dishes?


Scene 3
: In Adam's absurdly elegant London flat, he stands in the shower and tries desperately to scrub off a stain on his shoulder.  I don't get it.  This guy didn't appear in the last episode, so what is the significance of the stain?  A reference to "Macbeth"?

He drops in to give Steve his dead cat's ashes, and finds a super-elegant apartment and a fey older boyfriend, Casper the Friendly Ghost (Julian Sands, below), who is annoyed but accepts the hookups as a necessary evil, required to have access to Steve's penis. 


Adam tries to complement Steve's apartment and his job as an architect, but Steve find something wrong with each. Come on, dude, look on the bright side. You've got a great job, a great apartment in downtown London, a boyfriend who doesn't mind hooking up, and a tripod between your legs.  Cheer up!

Scene 4: Adam having dinner with female friend Claudia and her husband David (Eddie Arnold, who died in 2008, leaving over 140 classic country-western songs.  Aspiring actors might want avoid naming themselves after famous names, to make internet searches possible).   They want to fix him up with swishy American drama teacher Dwight (Hal Scardino):

"So, how do you know Claudia?"

"She was my girlfriend at uni."

"Oh.  I thought you were...um..."  The word is "gay."  Why is it so hard to say it?

"Um...,yeah...but..."  "I turned him!" Claudia chirps in.  Girl, don't say that, even as a joke.  It gives the homophobes ammunition for their "Being gay is a choice" arguments.

Adam continues to be despondent, and sneaks in the back room to check his hookup app contacts. Just date the swishy drama teacher.  He wants to ditch his friends for a hookup.  Claudia checks his face and dick shots to make sure he's worth it -- "yeah, hotter than Dwight, go on." 

Meanwhile, Gran is playing cards with her old-biddy friends.  One leaves to use the loo, and the others gossip about "two dates" with a man -- to a hotel!  Gran doesn't get it -- she hated sex, and was thrilled when her husband died and she didn't have to do it anymore.  Maybe you just hated sex with men, dear. Try out the Daughters of Bilitis.



Scene 4: 
 Adam trudges despondently through the busy streets as if he's on his way to a funeral instead of a hookup.  Cut to him topping the guy, Bruno (Phil Dunster) -- all dark, nothing showing.  Afterward Bruno complements him on his passion and tries an introduction, but Adam isn't having it: no names, no overnights, no "I'd like to see you again."  While Bruno is in the bathroom, he zooms away to trudge despodently through the streets of London. I get the impression that the showrunner strongly disapproves of recreational activity.  Even the participants hate it, and have to take six-hour long showers afterwards.

Scene 5: Adam fixes Gran's router while she heats up the food that her attendant prepared -- and complains about it, of course. I like complaining, too -- "here are the things I hated about it" is much more fun than "it was good."  But lady, there are limits.   

In other news, the letting agency said that the cottage needs too much work to be lettable (rentable?), so Gran wants to give it to Adam.  In Britain, a cottage is a small house in a rural area with no land around.  

"Besides, it will get you out of the city!"  You got it backwards, Gran: gay men move into the city.

Cut to Adam walking despondently and then being despondent at work.  He calls Steve -- for a date?  No, to help him renovate the cottage.  He's an architect, yeah?  

The place is a horrible dump, with moldy wallpaper, holes in the ceiling, a hole in the bedroom floor, no heat, and depressing furniture from the 1950s. But Steve thinks it's "brilliant," a perfect fixer-upper.  He's bored with "tarting up kitchens" and is desperate to "get my hands dirty."

More after the break. 

Robert's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Burgers, bondage, butts, an oral lesson, and the love of his life

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