"Loot": Nicholas comes out to his Hoosier parents -- as an actor. Plus Taylor Swift fandom, Booster dick, and Faxon butt

Loot, on Apple Plus, stars Maya Rudolph as Molly Wells, the recently-divorced wife of a tech mogul with $87 billion and a lot of free time, so she decides to run the charitable organization she started. So why is it called "Loot"?  They're helping people.  

I started watching Season 2 because trans actress Michaela Jaé Rodriguez (left) plays Sophia, the head of the organization, a stern, no-nonsense, no-office-parties-while-people are starving in Africa type. And she starts a relationship with architect Isaac (O-T Fagbenle, center). 

Left: Fagbenle's bum.

But then I read an article where Rodriguez talks about how it is a relief to play a cisgender character.  So no LGBT representation there.

The only actual LGBT character is Nicholas, played by Joel Kim Booster, who is gay in real life.  He's swishy and snarky, the "sassy gay assistant" stereotype that GLAAD finds all over the networks: Michael Urie in Ugly Betty and Ron Butler in True Jackson VP spring to mind.   Can't have those gay people in positions of authority, can we?  

I'm going to review Episode 2.3, "Vengeance Falls," because Nicholas confronts his super-conservative parents. Uh-oh, dude is going to come out.

The two plotlines are not connected at all; they might as well be from two separate series.  So I'll go through them separately.

The Sophia/Howard Story

Scene 1: At the office, Sophia asks Howard (Ron Funches) for his powerpoint presentation on the Space for Everyone project, but he barely started; he didn't even finish the word "presentation."  As she is criticizing him, everyone's phones ping: Taylor Swift tickets are going on pre-sale for superfans! Sophia claims that her ping is about a flood in Burma, but they don't believe her.  Because it's been Myanmar for 36 years?

Scene 2: Howard tells the other workers, Arthur (Nat Faxon) and Ainsley, that Sophia must be a closet Taylor Swift fan.  Why would she lie about it?  What evil plan has she concocted?

Scene 3: Howard sneakily quotes Taylor Swift lyrics to see if Sofia will out herself as a fan.  It doesn't work, so he just asks: "Why are you hiding your fandom?"  She denies it.

Scene 4: Time for Howard's very important powerpoint presentation about the housing project. But his presentation is not about housing; it's "Proof that Sofia is a Swiftie."  Turns out that Howard is Sofia's cousin, so she can't just fire him.

"Why are you doing this?" Sofia asks.

"To help you be true to yourself."  Being a fan of a singer is not exactly on the same level as coming out as trans, buddy.

Sofia insista that she's not a Taylor Swift fan.  She's taking a personal day on July 12th, but not to go to the concert: her great-aunt Lucia is having open-heart surgery.  She storms off.  He's not doing his job. Fire him, cousin or not.

Left: Nat Faxon's butt.  He's supposedly a major character, but he doesn't do much in this episode.

Scene 5: Sofia is at home, when Howard shows up to apologize.  Do it at work. I guess they wanted a new set?  He was just excited that they might have something in common.  

While she is in the kitchen, Howard checks out her vinyl -- Taylor Swift hidden in a Mavin Gaye album.  She lives alone -- who's gonna know? 

She explains that listening to Taylor Swift makes her feel guilty: there is so much misery in the world, how can she justify enjoying something?  He...well, you know how this one turns out.

Molly and Nicholas after the break

Gemstones Episode 3.2: Kelvin's butt buddies, gay Percy, two toxic families, and some military dicks

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Gladiator II: Not as homophobic as you think, and there are musclemen

 

Tonight's movie night movie was Gladiator II, the sequel to Ridley Scott's Gladiator (2000) -- 25 years later.  I didn't want to see it because I heard it was extremely homophobic, but actually it wasn't bad.  Well, it was jingoistic and very violent, but the homophobia and heterosexism weren't too bad.

The wife of Numidian soldier Hanno (Paul Mescal) is killed during a Roman invasion around 200 AD, and he cries, screams, tries to prevent her from crossing the River Lethe for about five minutes, but then he rarely mentions her again, and he doesn't get a new girlfriend.  

He concentrates on getting revenge on the leader of the invading force, General Acacius (Pedro Pascal, left), which he will accomplish by becoming a gladiator under the scheming Macrinus (Denzel Washington).  

These aren't the hand-to-hand combat gladiators of sword-and-sandal movies.  The spectacles in the Coliseum include fights with baboons and a rhinocerous, and a sea-battle with full-size ships in a shark-infested tank

Guess what: Hanno discovers that he is actually the grandson of Marcus Aurelius, and therefore the true heir of the Roman Empire.  Plus his mother is now married to General Acacius -- he wants revenge on his stepfather!  Anybody up for an Oedipal conflict?

The only other heteronormative moment occurs when Hanno asks gladiator physician Ravi (Alexander Karim) why he traveled from India to Rome: "I met a woman."

Hanno grins: "There's always a woman."  Not always, heteronormative jerk. Gay men exist.

Homophobia: Pedro Pascal and Paul Mescal have both played gay characters. Macrinus, who is plotting to take over the Empire, has a "twinkle of bisexuality," according to Ridley Scott. 

 I've published a lot about gay subtexts, and I didn't notice anything. A scene where he kisses a guy was cut, "but not due to homophobia."  Of course not, due to the belief that this is 1973, and audiences will rush from the theater.   All that is left is a statement that he "doesn't like women" some days. Dude is closeted to the point of invisibility.

The decadent (that is, acting like women) twin Emperors Geta and Caracalla (Joseph Quinn, Fred Hechinger) are oozing with homophobic villain stereotypes, except one is gay and the other is straight (we can tell because they are each fondling a consort during a depraved-party scene).

The gay one, Caracalla, actually seems to be a little more stable (which is not saying much: he installs his pet monkey his chief advisor).  

They just need to be swishy stereotypes to counterbalance the hard straightness of their rival Hanno.

More after the break.

Dan Cudmore: Colossus, Felix, fitness model, and the God of War. Plus his colossal Colossus cock

Canadian actor Dan Cudmore has 51 credits on the IMDB, including Peter Rasputin, aka Colossus, in the X-Men franchise, Felix in the Twilight franchise, Jackhammer in Arrow, Gridlock in The Flash, and Behemoth Thing in Superman & Lois.

He specializes in superheroes and supervillains like Colossus, but he's done other projects.  I first saw him in Magicians, as the God of War.  Apprised that a gay-stereotype god called the Nameless is looking for something the other gods stole from him, he responds "I don't know what it is, but you have my permission to search my ball sack with your tongue."  Sure, that sounds fun, I'd be happy to....oh, wait, you're being homophobic.

I know he's just playing a character, but still, the homophobic quip left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak.

His other projects include comedies like Fresh Off the Boat, romcoms like All of My Heart (as the romantic lead's friend who devotes his life to getting him laid), and horror like Rites of Passage, which appears to have a gay subtext -- not his. 

Also 14 stunt credits including Psych, The Predator, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

He played a stunt cock at least once.

Some fitness modeling from early in his career

More Daniel after the break

Aaron Taylor-Johnson: Varying levels of hotness and homophobia, but his cock stays the same.

 

I seem to be collecting Aarons. This is Aaron Taylor-Johnson, born in 1990 in the quaintly named High Wycombe, 29 miles west of Charing Cross.  You can't get more English than that. He began acting at the age of six, did local theater and broke into film with a string of gay-subtext relationships: 

Tom and Thomas (2002), about two brothers (both played by Aaron) who find each other after many years apart and embark on an adventure in order to stay together.

The Thief Lord (2006), an adaption of the German novel about two outcasts who find each other on the mean streets of Venice.

The Magic Door (2007), a heroic fantasy with a rather buffed elf helping a human boy defeat a troll.

Then things get very heterosexist very fast.

Nowhere Boy, 2009, a biopic of the teen years of future Beatle John Lennon.  I suppose they couldn't help making the young John hetero-horny, but having a girl give him a blow job to seal the deal?

Kick-Ass (2010) is about a teen nerd who becomes a superhero. Funny, we never see high school A-list jocks getting superpowers.  When his bulgeworthy spandex costume is discovered, he's assumed to be a gay hustler, to the constant teasing of his classmates.  However, the assumption of gayness allows him to win The Girl of His Dreams.

Chatroom (2010) is a rather homophobic drama about a sociopathic teen using social media to encourage bad behavior.   He convinces his friend Jim to commit suicide, and kisses him to "seal the deal."

Next Aaron starred in Savages (2012) as pot grower Ben, who is in a triadic relationship with Chon (Taylor Kitsch) and their shared girlfriend.  It's all subtext, but sometimes subtext is good enough.

At least we get a more explicit butt shot -- while he is sexing the girl.

More homophobia and dicks after the break