Melvin Mellblom: Sad Swedish-Thai model with muscles, a constantly changing hair color, and a backside. With Peebles and Algerian d*cks

 

I was drawn to Melvin Mellblom on the teen idol website because he posts a blurry muscle photo.  Who would do that?  

And because of his name.  When I was in high school, bullies used "Melvin" to disparage kids that they considered clumsy, awkward, or book-smart. And God help you if that was really your name!  

Most actors saddled with the name Melvin change it to Mel.  Google lists only three who didn't: Melvin van Peebles (left), Bonez Estivez, and Gregg. So why didn't this Mellblom fellow avoid the giggling and change it to Mel?

Melvin (really?  not Mel?) was born in Sweden, but moved to Thailand at age three, so he speaks Swedish, Thai, and English.   His Instagram and Facebook pages say that he is an actor, model, and social media influencer, but there are no acting roles listed on the IMDB, and only two on his professional resume:

The music video Without You (2016), by Marcus & Martinus, a Norwegian dance pop duo.  A boy wanders around some temples and historic sites in Thailand, being sad, crying, screaming, and looking at photos of his ex-girlfriend. 

Is it over? I just gotta know
Cause I'm reaching, but where did you go?
Tears are falling, while I'm calling
Can't make it alone, no

I don't like where this research is heading.

And a short, The Gold Star Kid (2017): A boy living in Thailand finds a 20 Euro note, and uses it to pay the restaurant bill of a soldier who reminds him of his dead father  (Algerian actor Rachid Oumakhlouf, nude after the break).

The IMDB says that the boy is played by Nils Bento Connault.

Melvin's Instagram and Facebook pages begin in 2017, with a lot of modeling photos.  He looks sad in most of them.  No girl-hugging, but he posts "Sorry boys, I like girls," to clear up any misconceptions.

Bummer. 

In February 2020, he posts to fans from bed.  Some guys comment on his hotness.  So, did you change your mind about liking boys, Mel Baby?

In April 2020, he poses wearing a Sylvester Stallone t-shirt, and gets purple hair.  A pride color?

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit

"A Real Pain": Buddies have wacky adventures or a Dark Night of the Soul in Poland, but I'm off to the Horseman's Club

 

A Real Pain (2024), on Hulu, is advertised as a wacky buddy comedy with Kieran Culkin and Jesse Eisenberg, touring Poland, with a lot of exteriors.  

No doubt they are both absurdly heterosexual and will meet The Girl of Their Dreams, but it will be fun to see how quickly their heterosexual identity is established. 

 Besides, I'd like to see some of the sights, like the Jewish Museum in Warsaw and the University of Krakow. .

Not to mention Kieran's backside.

Scene 1: Benji (Kieran Culkin) is sitting in the airport waiting for David (Jesse Eisenberg), who is just walking out the door of his Manhattan brownstone.  He keeps calling: heavy traffic...no, it lightened up...Ok, so David is the Stick-in-the-Mud, Benji the Free Spirit.

At the airport, Benji grabs him and makes him twirl so he can see his cousin's butt.  Um...an interested in a guy's butt is a sign of gay identity.

He brought yogurt, and some weed for when they reach Poland: "They're not going to arrest two Jews for a little weed."

He chats up the TSA lady: "Her Dad does security for the Knicks."  This annoys David. Doesn't count as heterosexualizing him.

Priya made some trail mix for them.  Doesn't count: she could be an aunt or a sister.

Scene 2: On the plane, David has to take the middle seat. Bummer.

They discuss their back story: David works in digital ad sales, and Benji is a deadbeat. They haven't seen each other for a while.  They're going on a Heritage Tour of Poland.. wait, they're Jewish...is this a tour of the sites of pograms and concentration camps? 

Naw, who would want to see those?  Poland has 1000 years of Jewish history.

Later, David takes his prescription meds and gazes at a video of his daughter. Heterosexualized at minute 6.30. 

It's actually Jesse Eisenberg's real-life son, Banner.  I was confused by his long blond hair.

Scene 3: At the Warsaw airport -- "Welcome to Warsaw" sign in English.  They meet their driver. Some nice location shots as they drive through the city, but David is still gazing at that video of his son.   Why the heck aren't you looking out the window at this major European capital that you've never been to before?

They check in, retrive a package of weed from the desk clerk, and head up to their room. When David kicks off his shoes, Benji complements him: "You have really nice feet.  Graceful as fuck. Reminds me of Grandma's feet."  Foot fetish? Benji is giving off some gay vibes.

Scene 4: Tour Guide James (Will Sharpe, top photo and left) introduces himself: Not actually Jewish, but a degree in Eastern European Studies from Oxford.

The others in the tour are:

1. Marcia Kramer, recently divorced, from New York.  Her mother survived the camps. One of the cousins is obviously going to fall in love with her, but I'm not sure which.  Maybe David is divorced, and Benji's interest in men's butts and feet is supposed to be wacky, not homoerotic.

2.-3. Diane and Mark (Daniel Oreskes), an elderly couple. 

Daniel Oreskes has 40 acting credits on the IMDB, including The Sopranos, Law & Order, Ray Donovan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and Only Murderers in this Building.  He is heterosexual.

4. Eloge, from Rwanda, converted to Judaism.  He's a survivor of the Rwandan genocide.

The Cameroon-born Kurt Egyiawan is a British theatrical actor who has appeared in The Exorcist, House of the Dragon, Bodies, and Kaos.  No intel on whether he's heterosexual or not.

More after the break