"The Thursday Murder Club": Retirees solve murders. With Pierce Brosnan, Tom Ellis in a kilt, some gay hints, and bonus d*cks

 

The Tuesday Murder Club is currently #2 on Netflix.  Residents of an old person's home solving a "cozy murder" doesn't sound appealing, except that one of those old people is Pierce Brosnan, the suave, sophisticated, and well hung (according to Adam Devine) leading man of 1980s tv. 

Scene 1: In May 1973, a man is walking back from the pub to the flat of his girlfriend (heterosexual identity established in Minute 1), when he  heard two voices arguing.  Suddenly the girlfriend falls from a second-floor window.  She has been stabbed.  A masked intruder rushes away.  By the time the police arrive, she is dead.

In the present, three old people discuss the case in a palatial drawing room.  I'll call them by their jobs before the retired: Labor Union Activist (Pierce Brosnan), Psychiatrist (Ben Kingsley), and Spy (Helen Mirren).  Nothing had been taken from the flat, so robbery is an unlikely motive. The boyfriend, Peter Mercer, mechanic (played by Will Stevens), disappeared soon after the murder.  But did she die from the fall or the knife wound?  How long does it take to bleed out?  They need someone with medical expertise to help.

Scene 2: Establishing shot of the old people's home, Cooper's Chase, an ornate palace that must belong to royalty. A retired Doctor and her adult daughter tour the painting classes, archery lessons, and llamas used as comfort animals. Whew, I'm moving in.  Inside, they run into the Murder Club with their diagrams and crime scene photos.  Daughter is shocked, but Doctor is intrigued. 

Daughter doesn't want her mother living there, but Doctor insists (it's usually the opposite in the States).  She wants to make new friends, and she can't do that in an apartment in a city full of young people: they don't want anything to do with her.  Really?   Since I turned...um, whatever age this is... the twinks have been banging down my door. 

When Daughter leaves, the Doctor rushes downstairs to get the details of the Thursday Murder Club. They can use her medical skills to solve the cold case, so she's in!

Scene 3:  Evil Ian (David Tennant, left) drives through a quaint village (now I'm depressed; we don't have quaint villages in the States).  On the phone, Lloyd (not listed on the IMDB)  tells him that his wife wants the house, the car, and the apartment in Majorca.  Back story: she's divorcing him because he was unfaithful.  Heterosexual identity established immediately.

At the Red Lion pub, Evil Ian tells his Buddy Lloyd his evil scheme: to maximize his assets, he's going to go forward with clearing out a cemetary to build something disrespectful.  Who cares if grandma's remains are still there?  "Oh, and we're also tearing down Cooper's Chase, the old people's home."

"But the old people won't like it.  And some of them were very rich and powerful in their day."

"Who cares? It's my bloody land. The only real issue is Tony Curran, part owner of Cooper's Chase.  He won't agree to the demolition because his Auntie is a resident."

Left: Lloyd isn't listed in the IMDB, but maybe the subtitle writer made a mistake, and his buddyy is Bogdan, played by Henry Lloyd-Hughes (his penis is sort of visible).

Evil Ian wants to hire Buddy Bogdan to manage the destruction project.

"Sure, I'll take the job, but Tony Curran is a dangerous man. Maybe he kill you."

More about Bogdan: he's a Polish immigrant who needs the work to send money home to his elderly mother.

Scene 4: At Cooper's Chase, Dangerous Tony Curran has brought biscuits (cookies) for his Auntie ("your favorite," of course -- everybody in movies is always told that whatever they are eating is their favorite).   

The Thursday Murder Club walks by and says hello.  The Doctor asks who he is, and they explain -- but we already know, so the explanation is unnecessary, except the assertion that "he's on our side," against Evil Ian's scheme to destroy the home.  Another movie about people saving things, yawn.  When are we going to get to the murder?

On to cake and the cold case: In 1973, the boyfriend of the defenestrated girl was questioned and released, not a suspect.  But the only female police officer, Inspector Penny, wasn't so sure. She asked to bring him in for re-questioning, but "the boys' club closed ranks," and he vanished.  Something fishy about it.  Still not important to the plot.

Inspector Penny, by the way, was a member of the Thursday Murder Club, and brought in the case.  But she is in the hospice wing now, dying, so she can't contribute any more.

Scene 5: Cut to the hospice wing where the Spy s telling the comatose Inspector Penny about their new member.  Holding her hand and calling her "darling"?  Are they girlfriends? No, there's a man sitting with her, too, doubtless her husband.  And he asks the Spy "How is Stephen?", thus establish her heterosexual identity at Minute 14.  Tease that she's gay, and then immediately mention her husband!  They did that on purpose.

The Spy and Inspector Penny's Husband spend a lot of screen time discussing how much they love their spouses.  Then Spy returns to her apartment to interact with her husband, who has dementia and doesn't remember thiings.  

I'm fast-forwarding.  I signed up for murder, not "Silver Threads among the Gold."

Darling, I am growing old. Silver threads among the gold
Shine upon my brow today. Life is fading fast away.

Scene 6: A Cop is is giving a roomful of residents tips on home security.  The Spy asks about the 1973 murder, confusing her.  Plus, when she glances out the window, Cooper's Chase security has booted her police car for illegal parking, har har. 

Since she won't be going anywhere for awhile, they invite her to lunch and a tour of the grounds.  The Activist gets a visit from his son, Jason (Tom Ellis, top photo and left), a famous boxer, now retired after an injury and taking gigs like Celebrity Master Chef and Dancing on Ice.

  The Activist is established as heterosexual in Minute 21, and I'll bet this whole scene was just a set up for Jason to fall in love with the Cop.

And where's that murder?

They notice Evil Ian and Dangerous Tony Curran arguing: "Destroying Cooper's Chase and kicking out all the old people is essential to my evil plan!  I'll do anything -- anything -- to get it done!" 

"My Auntie's here, so I won't permit it!  It will never happen, as long as I'm alive!"

More after the break.

"Go Ahead, Brother": Organized crime, shirtless hunks, a lot about fiduciary investments, and Michel Filipiak. With bonus Polish d*cks

  

I was interested in Michal Filipiak, the Fat Thug in The Hooligan, so I checked his projects available in the U.S., and found Go Ahead, Brother (2024), a "thriller" tv series which as an added bonus has some very muscular guys.

Scene 1: Night. Soldiers with guns drawn approach a middle-class home. They enter and find the drug lab.  

Cut to Oskar (Piotr Witkowski, left) trying to explain to his superior what happened that night.  He was supposed to be guarding Sokol, but he let his guard down, and his partner died.  

"There was a high-pitched hum...the room was spinning...I blacked out."

The superior officer doesn't believe him: "You ran away, you cowardly little p*ssy!"

This angers Oskar. who attacks his superior officer and almost kills him, before other soldiers rush in to pull him away.  His military career is over.

Scene 2: Oskar a at home, smoking a cigarette and being morose, when his Dad comes in.  He asks how much Dad lost (at gambling) tonight, but actually he won some.  It doesn't matter: he lost his job, so he can't support Dad's habit anymore, or pay off the creditors: "You're a cancer.  You've ruined my life."  I'd say attacking your superior officer did that.

"What should I do, then?  Kill myself?"

Scene 3: Cut to Oskar's room, with close-ups of a drawing of Oskar and Daddy, his military friends, and a lot of weapon parts.  Oskar gets up, starts to exercise, but remembers his dead friend and stops. 

He goes downstairs, but Dad isn't around, and his cell phone is broken!  He rushes down to the garage, where 

Dad is sitting in the running car, trying to die of carbon  monoxide poisoning.  Oskar rips off his shirt, rushes him outside, and performs CPR while screaming. 

The police arrive, along with Marta, a middle-aged blond woman with a man's haircut.  "This time he was serious," she says as she hugs another guy Sister?  Mother? Ex-Wife? 

More after the break

"The Hooligan": N*de musclemen, a Fat Thug, and some gay vibes in the life of a hooligan drug runner in Poland

 

The Hooligan popped up on my Netflix feed this morning, with a cute, stern-looking guy staring at the camera.

Football hooligans are fans who support their team in excessive, violent ways. Whether they win or lose, they storm through the town, celebrating by overturning cars, breaking shop windows, setting fires, and assaulting bystanders.  

Sounds violent, but at least there will be some musclemen, and...maybe....possibly...one of the hooligans will be gay.

Left: When I googled "muscular football hooligan," this popped up. 

Scene 1: The Hooligan walking in slow motion down a dark street, with lights flashing as if he's being photographed by papparazi.  His left hand is gone, and his arm is in a leather cast.

Cut to the Hooligan, Kuba, and his mum, dad, and little brother drinking beer in a family restaurant.  Kuba is 17, and still has both hands.    

Wait -- this tv series is from Poland!  Not going to have any gay....

The IMDB doesn't say which actor is playing which character, but I think Kuba is played by Grzegorz Palkowski, who starred in a gay-themed Polish movie, Sucker's Death (2024).

"Gay-free zone" Poland has gay movies?

 

Dad is played by Wojciech Zelinski.

 Fat Thug complains to the Other Thug is too close to him, brushing against him (ugh!  contact with another dude -- disgusting!), and the Other Thug counters that his mother is not very good in bed. After demonstrating that they're homophobic, they stand back while their Boss approaches Dad and asks when he got out of prison. 

Back story: Dad used to be a famous soccer player, but then he went to prison for six or seventeen years.

They discuss the game tonight.  Third Guy thinks that Kuba has potential, and invites him to the gym to work on his chest.  Dad disagrees: they should work on his arms.  Wait -- do they want him to train to be a player, or a fan? .

When Mom goes up to pay the check, Boss approaches.  Apparently they were lovers 17 years ago, while Dad was in prison, and Kuba is his biological son, but they can't tell anyone.

Scene 2:  RKS Gladius Stadium, a match between the Mazovia team and the good guys. A huge crowd of hooligans tryiing to get into the game, being rowdy as security checks them for guns. Fat Thug says "Don't grope me too much, ok dude?  I'm not into you."  Ok, he's protesting too much.  Dude is gay and closeted.

The game begins.  The fans of the two teams are kept strictly separate, under heavy guard, so they don't attack each other, but some musclemen jump over the barracades and push through the police cordon!  Dad tells Kubi that they have to leave to avoid being clobbered.  On the way out, they see some fans beating other fans to death.

More after the break

"A Real Pain": Buddies have wacky adventures or a Dark Night of the Soul in Poland, but I'm off to the Horseman's Club

 

A Real Pain (2024), on Hulu, is advertised as a wacky buddy comedy with Kieran Culkin and Jesse Eisenberg, touring Poland, with a lot of exteriors.  

No doubt they are both absurdly heterosexual and will meet The Girl of Their Dreams, but it will be fun to see how quickly their heterosexual identity is established. 

 Besides, I'd like to see some of the sights, like the Jewish Museum in Warsaw and the University of Krakow. .

Not to mention Kieran's backside.

Scene 1: Benji (Kieran Culkin) is sitting in the airport waiting for David (Jesse Eisenberg), who is just walking out the door of his Manhattan brownstone.  He keeps calling: heavy traffic...no, it lightened up...Ok, so David is the Stick-in-the-Mud, Benji the Free Spirit.

At the airport, Benji grabs him and makes him twirl so he can see his cousin's butt.  Um...an interested in a guy's butt is a sign of gay identity.

He brought yogurt, and some weed for when they reach Poland: "They're not going to arrest two Jews for a little weed."

He chats up the TSA lady: "Her Dad does security for the Knicks."  This annoys David. Doesn't count as heterosexualizing him.

Priya made some trail mix for them.  Doesn't count: she could be an aunt or a sister.

Scene 2: On the plane, David has to take the middle seat. Bummer.

They discuss their back story: David works in digital ad sales, and Benji is a deadbeat. They haven't seen each other for a while.  They're going on a Heritage Tour of Poland.. wait, they're Jewish...is this a tour of the sites of pograms and concentration camps? 

Naw, who would want to see those?  Poland has 1000 years of Jewish history.

Later, David takes his prescription meds and gazes at a video of his daughter. Heterosexualized at minute 6.30. 

It's actually Jesse Eisenberg's real-life son, Banner.  I was confused by his long blond hair.

Scene 3: At the Warsaw airport -- "Welcome to Warsaw" sign in English.  They meet their driver. Some nice location shots as they drive through the city, but David is still gazing at that video of his son.   Why the heck aren't you looking out the window at this major European capital that you've never been to before?

They check in, retrive a package of weed from the desk clerk, and head up to their room. When David kicks off his shoes, Benji complements him: "You have really nice feet.  Graceful as fuck. Reminds me of Grandma's feet."  Foot fetish? Benji is giving off some gay vibes.

Scene 4: Tour Guide James (Will Sharpe, top photo and left) introduces himself: Not actually Jewish, but a degree in Eastern European Studies from Oxford.

The others in the tour are:

1. Marcia Kramer, recently divorced, from New York.  Her mother survived the camps. One of the cousins is obviously going to fall in love with her, but I'm not sure which.  Maybe David is divorced, and Benji's interest in men's butts and feet is supposed to be wacky, not homoerotic.

2.-3. Diane and Mark (Daniel Oreskes), an elderly couple. 

Daniel Oreskes has 40 acting credits on the IMDB, including The Sopranos, Law & Order, Ray Donovan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and Only Murderers in this Building.  He is heterosexual.

4. Eloge, from Rwanda, converted to Judaism.  He's a survivor of the Rwandan genocide.

The Cameroon-born Kurt Egyiawan is a British theatrical actor who has appeared in The Exorcist, House of the Dragon, Bodies, and Kaos.  No intel on whether he's heterosexual or not.

More after the break