My Boyfriend and My Satanist Ex-Boyfriend at Thanksgiving Dinner: A Kelvin/Keefe/Daedalus Story

 


"Thanks again for inviting me to Thanksgiving dinner with your family," Kelvin, son of world-famous megachurch pastor Eli Gemstone and youth pastor at the Salvation Center,  told his boyfriend Keefe as the "Welcome to Richmond Hill" sign appeared.  It was an elegant suburb of Savannah, new-looking, with trendy shops and cool-sounding restaurants like the Himalayan Curry Cafe.

"Well, you invited me to dinner with the Gemstones last year,"  Keefe, a reformed Satanist turned assistant youth pastor, said.  "So it's only fair to make you endure my family's craziness.  Have you been studying the family tree?"


"I have it memorized.  Your Mama, Beth.  Don't ask about your Daddy.  Your sister Liz, age 45, and her husband Henry.  She's a child psychologist, and he's a dentist. Henry's son from his first marriage, Austin, who teaches high school English, and his wife...um..."

"Becky."

"Right, Becky.  Liz and Henry have another son, Jimmy, age 8.  Boy, I hope our heart-healthy green bean casserole will be enough."

"It will be fine.  No one in my family eats heart-healthy anyway."

"Ok, who else...Your uncle might be coming.  He's gay, but you only found out a couple of years ago.  He was closeted when you were growing up."  He paused.  "You don't mind letting them think that you're just the assistant youth pastor? I'm not ashamed of us or anything...it's just...well, I'm a Gemstone."  

"I don't mind," Keefe said, lying a little.  It took the family years to accept him -- his sister still didn't like to talk about it much -- and now he had to hide?  Pretend that the love of his life was a buddy?  It felt wrong.  

But Kelvin was always skittish.  He didn't even realize that he was gay until he was over 30. Everyone else knew the moment they saw him in one of his flamboyant outfits.  Keefe suspected that he would prefer to identify as a masculine-presenting demiboy, but they could save the gender-identity conversation for later.  Much, much later.


They drove through a neighborhood that Keefe though dismal and repressive growing up.  A grey house, grey with black shutters, where as a teenager he listened to heavy metal music and wrote poety about suicide, where his Daddy complained that everything he said or did was "faggy."

As they drove up to the house, Mama and his little nephew Jimmy came out onto the porch to meet them.   Hugs all around.

After a "Nice to meet you," Jimmy disappeared with their overnight bags, but Mama kept her hands firmly attached to Kelvin's arm.   "Reverend Gemstone, it's such a pleasure to have you in my home! I wanted to thank you in person for all you've done for my boy. But, you know, I've never seen him sing on the 'Praise Be to He' hour.  He has a wonderful voice, you know."

"That's not really my decision, Ma'am," Kelvin said, although actually it was.

"Mama!" Keefe exclaimed.  "You're embarrassing me."

"No, I'm not.  But listen to me rattling on.  You must be tired after your trip.  The men are watching football in the study.  You can join them, if you like.  Or would you like to go up to your room and relax until dinner?"  She pulled them into the foyer, said "Let me just take this ice chest to the kitchen," and vanished.

Keefe had no interest in sports, but he figured that the game would be the safest, and steered Kelvin to the study.  His brother-in-law Henry on the recliner.  His nephew Austin on the couch...and sitting next to him...what the heck was he doing here?


"Keefe, baby, I've been waiting for you!"  His ex-boyfriend leapt to his feet and hugged him.  He looked very different from when they were dating, much more conservative, not at all like the boy who flew too close to the sun (that was actually Icarus, not Daedalus, but they were really high when they came up with their nicknames). 

 His arms around Keefe, his tight, hard body pressing against him, brought back memories of a thousand nights with the band, performing, getting cruised by fanboys,  dreaming of stardom...and a thousand nights in the bedroom after, Daedalus gently stroking his hair while Keefe went down on him.  Kelvin was not at all gentle -- he was a roaring lion in bed, laying waste to his body with a passion so intense that it was a little frightening.

"Um..hi...Daedalus..." Keefe said, reddening as he began to get aroused.  "I haven't seen you since..."

"The night you broke my heart?"  He broke away and laughed.  "Just kidding."  He turned to Kelvin and held out his hand.  "And this must be your happily-ever-after guy."

"What?" Kelvin pretended to be surprised.  No, I'm Kelvin Gemstone, the youth pastor at the Salvation Center, Keefe's boss....and housemate.  Church staff has to live on the estate, you see, and I had a spare room...."  Stop lying! Keefe thought savagely.  You're sounding more and more ridiculous.


Daedalus looked more closely.  "Oh, right, I remember you from the night you broke up Baby Queef's performance at Club Sinister. You should have seen him, Henry -- we had Keefe in this isolation tank that symbolized the womb, right, and Indiana Jones here comes splashing in, tearing off the tubes that brought him oxygen, hugging him, kissing him -- the guy's mouth was full of amniotic fluid, mind you -- and whispering 'I love you. I love you.'...do you do that for all of your 'housemates,' Kelv Baby?"

"It was part of the act.  We arranged it in advance," Kelvin said, lying again to save face -- and to avoid admitting that it was the moment when he realized that he was in love with Keefe.  An important moment!  One you should want to share.

"Sounds exciting," Henry said. "You should have taped it."

"Um...excuse me.  I need to give Mama directions on how to prepare our casserole."  He ran into the kitchen.  "Mama!  Why on Earth did you invite my ex-boyfriend to Thanksgiving Dinner?"

She frowned.  "Well, why not?  Daedalus came to every Thanksgiving and Christmas for five years.  And your nephew Austin's piano recitals. Jimmy called him 'Uncle Daedus.'" He's part of the family.  Just because you broke up for some crazy reason doesn't mean we have to break up with him, too."

"I found God, Mama! Isn't that what you wanted for me?"

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.  And you were happy with Daedalus.  A lot happier than you seem now, when every word I say makes you uncomfortable or angry, and the wonderful Reverend Gemstone treats you like his personal servant.  Now, does this casserole get onion rings on top, or not?"

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.4 Continued: Dot drives Kelvin crazy, Keefe refuses a bj, and Gideon and Scotty date, With bonus Daedalus dick



Earlier in Episode 1.4, we learned that Keefe is gay, and Kelvin is afraid of sex, or maybe just the phallus. Next we see a normalization of the Gideon-Scotty relationship.  Instead of being terrorized by Scotty, Gideon seems to actually like and care about him. This suggests disagreements among the showrunners about where the characters should go, similar to seeing Kelvin and Keefe as good buddies in one episode and romantic partners in another.

I'll let you buy me dinner: At the campground, Gideon gives Scotty the intel he learned from Martin: they receive an offering of over $1,000,000 on normal Sundays, but on big holidays, $3,000,000.  It's counted and placed in the vault overnight Sunday. On Monday it's deposited into the bank.  Wait -- is that all in cash?  Don't people just throw a few bucks in the offering plate?  If they're going to donate a lot of money, they'll write a check, or just have it deducted automatically from their bank account.

Scotty "goes dark" for a moment, brags about his own stuntwork, and criticizes Gideon's.  Then he becomes downright friendly and says "I'll let you buy me dinner."


You Shine: 
  Kelvin appears at Dot's lacrosse practice at North Jackson High School.    The background music, Sweet Cheater's "Summer," seems to suggest a sexual interest:

It's driving me crazy, making me wild in the summer, 
Spending my time alone with you
Take a ride, baby, to the stars, in the backseat of my car
Ooh yeah, it feels so right, you belong with me tonight
.
 Her friend concurs: “Who’s that creepy man?”, “man” instead of “guy” highlighting Kelvin’s inappropriate age, but Dot assures her that he’s harmless, “just an asshole from church.” 

 He swishes down from the bleachers and squeals “What’s up, girl!” like the flamboyant gay friend in a romcom, a queer code that signifies his utter lack of romantic or sexual intent.

He apologizes for the Satanic Sweep, oddly characterizing it as a “hang” between friends, and invites her to a teen trampoline party at the Sky Zone tonight: “No presh, just come by. If you like it, great.  If not, you’ll never see me again.”  This is the rhetoric of someone who wants to make a friend, not find a girlfriend. 

When she agrees, Kelvin adds: “What if we go no boyfriend tonight. Just you.  You sparkle without him – know that.”  Austin is too old for the teen group, so he wouldn’t be permitted anyway; Kelvin is simply stressing that Dot doesn’t need an older boyfriend, or “semen loads,” He skips off, still the flamboyant gay friend: “It’s gonna be fun, girl!”  

When the episode first aired, some very desperate fans took it as evidence that Kelvin was straight, and interested in Dot, but what straight guy would ever make a date and then skip off with a "It's gonna be fun, girl!" 


Dot at the Youth Group:  We cut to the youth group meeting at the Sky Zone, an indoor trampoline park on Wando Park Boulevard in Mt. Pleasant, a suburb of Charleston with many Gemstone sites. Lots of kids somersaulting on bouncy-walls, and Keefe stretching Kelvin from behind as he groans "Harder. Harder.   Yeah, oh, that's good."  Acting like they're having anal sex, har har.

Left: random twink

Notice that they're both wearing "Faith Factory" T-shirts, but none of the kids are. Keefe is now Kelvin's assistant youth minister. 

Dot appears.  Kelvin is "super-pumped that you didn't bring your idiot boyfriend."  Do you still think he's straight, after the sex joke?

He clears a space.  Keefe says: "These feats of physical strength are amazing."  Yeah, Kelvin is hot.   He performs some professional-looking acrobatic stunts.


Gideon and Scotty's Date: 
Dinner is pizza and beer at the Shem Creek Restaurant in Mount Pleasant, to the rather suggestively sexual song “You Knock Me Out.” 

The way you talk when you say what you see

Your smile breaking my words – you knock me out.
The way you shake it, baby -- what’s on your mind?
The way you get when you get down – you knock me out. 

Apparently Scotty or Gideon, or both, are overwhelmed by the intensity of their passion.

 Scotty calls Gideon "Little Lord Fauntleroy,” a rather archaic phrase for a fragile, polite, feminine-coded “sissy,” named after a character in the 1886 novel by Francis Hodgson Burnett.  In the 1936 movie version, Freddie Bartholomew’s Ceddie is redeemed through a homoromantic bond with the tough Mickey Rooney    Likewise, here Scotty seems to be trying to masculinize Gideon, complimenting him on his ability to smoke, drink, and swear:  "I like this side of you, man."  They smile at each other, caring boyfriends far removed from the toxicity of Scotty’s earlier rant.

Gideon explains how he came to make the video: things were tense between him and Jesse, so his mom made him go to a prayer convention.  Jesse had his friends in his hotel room, and didn't want Gideon around. "Dude wanted to fuck," Scotty says, the act coming to mind because of what he intends for later.

So Gideon left, but on his way out, he hid  hid his phone with the video on, in case anything interesting happened.  He ended up taping Jesse's sex-and-drugs party, and decided to blackmail Jesse to "get even."

Scotty envisions their new life in Thailand, after stealing the money from the vault. He mentioned the ladyboys earlier, but it's worth repeating that Thailand is a well-known destination for gay tourism.  He also wants to repair the hard drive containing the sex-and-drugs party video, so "we fuck your Daddy in the butt again."  Very graphic way of putting it.


Then he recalls their first meeting.  Gideon was wearing a wig to be the stunt double for a woman (wigging," remember?), and Scotty was attracted: he came up behind him and grabbed "like you were a little piece." He means "a piece of ass," a potential sexual partner.  Apparently he likes people who are androgynous or nonbinary.  

Left: Gideon's butt.  

He continues: "But you weren't.  You were a friend."  Gideon didn't mind being grabbed; apparently he liked it, since he accepted being drawn into a relationship.

 "And I get you.  I know you way better than your family does."  He sounds like an abusive boyfriend: "No one understand you but me." 

We cut to another scene on this busy Friday night: Jesse and Amber counseling Chad and his wife Mandy about the aberrant emails ("we were just fooling around").  Of course they mention cum again ("Water squirt emoji does not mean 'cum' -- it means ejaculation"),  And we're off to Club Sinister.

Satanist cock after the break

"It's a Wonderful Knife": A "Wonderful Life" psycho-slasher homage with six queer characters and Depner dicks


It's a Wonderful Knife, appeared on my Hulu feed with an interesting premise: A year after Winnie saves the town from a psycho-killer, she wishes she had never been born, and gets her wish.  So she never existed, and the town is still saddled with the psycho-killer.  She must team up with "town misfit" Bernie to defeat him.

Sounds heteronormative, as usual, but call-backs to It's a Wonderful Life might be fun.  Besides, it stars Justin Long, one of my 1990s crushes.

Scene 1:  Establishing shot of the town of  Angel Falls -- Wonderful Life was in Bedford Falls, har har -- , with Mayor Henry (Justin) extolling the benefits of his new housing development.  Switch to a Christmas festival, with Henry making a speech.  Check out the creepy masked nun-angel atop the Christmas tree -- it will be important later. 


As Main Girl Winnie and her dad and brother walk home, Mayor Henry and his Adult Brother Buck  (Sean Depner, left) grab them to ask what they thought of his speech.  Brother Jimmy notes that Buck has started an OnlyFans page -- where you subscribe to see videos of a guy beating off.

He asks "Buck, do you remember me?  You were my PeeWee Football coach!"

Buck ignores him.  Disappointed, Jimmy says "Please shoot me." A very subtle queer moment, but better than nothing: Jimmy is gay.





Sean Depner, who is gay in real life, actually does have a MyFans account, or at least some nude photos online.

In other news, Mayor Henry needs an Old Guy to sign over his house so he can build his housing development.  He drags Dad off to  help talk him into it, even though it's Christmas Eve.

Scene 2:  The Old Guy refuses to sign, because his family has lived there for generations, and it goes to his granddaughter after he's gone.   Henry: "You're the past.  I'm the future.  Get with the program, Boomer." Actually, he looks more like the Greatest Generation

Granddaughter Cara comes downstairs, tells Grandpa how much she loves him, and notes that they're both invited to dinner at Main Girl Willa's house tomorrow . Mayor Henry creepily says "You be safe, now," and she's off to the big Christmas Eve party.

Scene 3: At home, Mom gives a rainbow ornament to "my gay son."  Ok, Jimmy is outed.  Aunt comes in with her wife, annoyed because her in-laws won't believe that they are married, not roommates.  Ok, she is outed in her first sentence. That's three gay characters, plus two LGBT cast members -- Willa is played by nonbinary actor Jane Widdop.  This is turning into quite a queer-friendly movie.

Winnie runs out to go to the party with Best Friend Cara -- the only thing standing between Mayor Henry and the housing development plan, remember?   Their boyfriends, Eddie and Robbie, will meet them there. 


Back at the ancestral house, Grandpa is staring morosely at the fire, when there's a knock on the door.  It's a psycho-killer dressed like the creepy masked nun-angel!  Why not just steal his heart medication?

Scene 4: At the big party, Winnie wants to make friends with the Town Outcast, but a Mean Girl pulls her away  -- guess what?  Outcast Bernie is a girl.  I bet she was a boy in the first draft, but they changed her gender so...wait...Boyfriend Robbie and Brother Jimmy arrive and brag about their scores at the big football game.  Then Jimmy goes off to cruise a "brooding, artistic type,"  Best Friend Cara and the Mean Girl go off with their boyfriends, and Winnie is left alone.


Scene 5: Cut to Jimmy and the Brooding, Artistic Guy smooching in the woods. Uh-oh, a twig snaps.  It's the Nun-Angel, leaving them alone.  Not a homophobe, anyhow.

Jimmy is played by Aidan Howard, who is gay in real life.  Three queer cast members.






More after the break.  Caution: Explicit

Marcus Hodson: Shape-shifting demon or hyper-masculine Midlands model? With nude merman bonus




On Dead Hot (2024), Marcus Hodson plays a shape-shifting demon, a hermetic Magus who travels between esoteric realms through the Eye of Horus bar and its mysterious Red Phone.  I wanted to know if he plays other mysterious Pucks or Lords of Misreason, but his IMDB listing is rather basic  Five roles, all 2022-2024: 

You Like That, a short about a gay American student in Edinburgh.

The Stand-up Sketch Show, where comedians perform "a surreal reconstruction of their own material."  Marcus is a background player in five episodes.

An episode of Domino Day, about a young witch "haunted by her need to feed on others." In Episode 2, Marcus plays a hookup who smooches with her and is eaten.


Gentleman in Moscow
is about a Russian aristocrat placed under house arrest in a hotel for the rest of his life after the 1917 revolution.  He befriends a little girl who also lives in the hotel; Marcus plays her piano teacher.

He also plays one of the mermen in The Little Mermaid.

Only one other paranormal show, and he doesn't even play a supernatural being?




Not many biographical details available. A 2021 article in Pause magazine states that he is 25 years old, from Manchester but living in London. He began modeling at age 18, then started university, but left to go pro.




In spite of the paucity of biographical details, Marcus has a very active social media presence, with hundreds of posts about travel, food, and beefcake. Here he is in Greece




In Rome









On the beach.  Does Marcus have a palsy disorder in his left hand, or is he displaying some magickal gestures?





More after the break

Spencer Lloyd: From "American Idol" to a homophobic church, with nude hockey and j/o in between



Making the rounds of nude actor photos this morning, I came across "Spencer Lloyd jerks off his hot cock."   No other photos, but this one pops up on a google search.

No one by that name is listed on IMDB, but when you dump "Spencer Lloyd" into a search engine, it wants to auto-fill with the Canadian tv series Heartland: a multi-generational soap opera set on a ranch in Alberta.  He must have appeared somewhere in the nearly 300 episodes to date -- the IMDB often omits actors. 

 





Googling "Spencer Lloyd" and "Canada" reveals a young guy, probably just out of high school, who played hockey for the Beaver Valley Nitehawks in British Columbia.  He must have done that before he broke into showbiz -- or tried to break in.

After extensive research on Instagram, Facebook, the American Idol Blog, and Fame Watcher, I have pieced together Spencer's biography.

There's no Canadian hockey or soap opera -- that's another Spencer Lloyd.  But I'm not taking the photos down.


Our Spencer Lloyd grew up in Bryant, Arkansas, population 16,688, known for its La Quinta Motor Lodge, Cotton Shed Vintage Market, and Chick-Fil-A.  

In 2013, at the age of 19, he got on a bus with 3,000 other hopefuls for American Idol auditions in Little Rock.  He made it to the first round.

In Austin he sang "Say Something" and an original song, "At the Final Judgment." Uh-oh, sounds homophobic. He made it to the second round.

In Hollywood, he sang "Ordinary Girl" in the Wild-Card.  And then got booted.

He still performs and records music occasionally. Apple Music lists several singles for sale, most recently "No Love Like Ours," released December 2023.


In March 2016, Spencer found his way to Nashville, where he signed on with Wilhemina Modeling.  This must be where the nude photo comes from.









He moved to Chicago in May 2016, and went to work as fitness instructer at Barry's Chicago. 












The j/o video after the break. Caution: explicit.

Meet Me Next Christmas: A drag show, a queer cousin, Pentatonix, and a dancer's dick

  


I fast-forwarded through the first 20 of the Christmas movies streaming on Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu, and found only one with probable gay characters: Meet Me Next Christmas.  Plus there are two hot guys on the icon, so there's bound to be some beefcake.  

Scene 1: It's snowing in a Chicago with no recognizable landmarks.  Pentatonix is singing on holograms and store cams everywhere: "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."  The Girl, Layla, is in the airport with her luggage on Christmas Eve.  Who flies on Christmas Eve?  You won't get there in time for anything.  But all flights out are cancelled.  She is shocked; who knew that flights are cancelled in snow?  

While she is waiting in the VIP lounge, James (Kofi Siriboe, top photo), a hot guy with a cancelled flight, sits next to her.  Her flirting bio: she runs a charity that gives scholarships to deserving youth to attend Historically Black Colleges and Universities.  She shows him a photo of Derek, who graduated from Langston College in Oklahoma last year. 


Named after Langston Hughes, the Westernmost HBCU is advertised as an "excellent value," with a lot of white students on its website. and no mention of LGBT people.

"Right now Tanner and I would be going to the Pentatonix Christmas Eve Show."  You're flying on the same day as the show?  Idjit!

James doesn't know what Pentatonix is, even though they've been singing all through the airport, so Layla tells him. 

They decide that, if they're both single next year, they'll meet at next year's big Pentatonix Christmas Eve concert. 


Scene 2: 
The next year, three days before Christmas, Layla is at work, busily placing students at HBCUs, when her bff calls -- not a gay guy, darn it, but she talks like a drag queen.  Layla is going to pick up boyfriend Tanner's favorite dinner -- takeout Italian with a Christmas twist.

She arrives at her stunning Victorian -- in Poughkeepsie?  Why not near a HBCU college? -- screams -- and a half-naked lady runs out, followed by a shirtless Tanner (Brendan Morgan, left).  What idjit has a hookup when he knows his girlfriend will be home any minute?

Layla wants to know that too.  He explains that this is the day the maid comes, so he couldn't hook up at his place. So she dumps the Italian food on his bare chest,  slams the door, and looks out the window, miserable. 

Scene 3: In New York, staying with her bff, Layla drinks wine and stares out onto the city.  Girlfriend says that she always picks the wrong guys -- successful, muscular, well-hung -- but forgets to find out if he's into her.  "Is he your ride or die?"  

"Hey, maybe I can fall in love with my airport hookup from last year, James." They said they would meet at the big Pentatonix concert, but Tanner the idjit ordered Macklemore tickets this year! 

No problem; they'll just go to the Rockefeller Center website and buy a ticket for Pentatonix. Sold out!  "But you can go through a concierge service to get them." I thought a concierge worked in a hotel, but it's a general service that rich people use for help of all sorts, like getting sold-out tickets.


Scene 4:
 In New York,  two days before Christmas, concierge Teddy (Devale Ellis) passes out Christmas fudge to his coworkers, and cioppino to the boss lady.  I'll bet that Layla gets with him instead of James. 

Layla has hired him, after sending a lot of emails and showing up at the office. His job is to get her Petatonix tickets by tomorrow night.  "Your client reviews suck," Boss lady snarls,"So get this one done or you're fired."

In Teddy's office, Layla explains that she's freaking out because she's tried everything to get that ticket: Ticketmaster, Tickpick, Stubhub...none available.  Girl, just text the guy and offer to meet him somewhere else. 

Nothing in the company databases, but Teddy knows a guy who might have one. "He has a kiosk.  I'll go get it.  No, Layla wants to go with him, to make sure there are no screw-ups. And fall in love, of course.

Scene 5: Out onto the streets of Toronto masquerading as New York.  The kiosk is closed, but Layla found a guy on Dave's Tickets who has a couple, and wants to meet in the Village.  Tony resists -- he's the professional with the contacts, so this guy must be a scam -- but she drags him on.  Squabbling- they'll be smooching in the last scene, 100 to 1

Gay characters after ther break