Adam Devine's divine dick

Previous: Adam Devine's Ginormous Glutes

The Righteous Gemstones is known for its cock shots, but none come from the main cast, so all we have seen of Kelvin (Adam DeVine) to date is his physique, bulge, and butt

As Mama Rose tells us in Gypsy:

That's okay for some people

Some hum-drum everyday people

who don't know they're alive. 

But I want to see the Full Monty.

Kelvin failed to show us his Gemstone dick, but we can see the glorious Adam Devine in two movies:

Jexi (2019) features Adam as a life coach whose cell phone becomes sentient and tries to control his life, including sending dick pics to everyone he knows.

He confirmed that it is him, not a stunt cock.

In an interview, he stated that when fans say "I liked your movie," they are talking about his acting.  When they say "I really, really, really liked your movie," they are talking about his cock.

More after the break

"The Treasure of Foggy Mountain": Enough beefcake and queer codes? With dicks and a random Adam Devine butt

 

Please Don't Destroy is a sketch comedy group consisting of  Ben Marshall (left), Martin Herlihy (right), and John Higgins (below), who have graduated from the short films of your dad's generation to TikTok videos.  They were hired to write for Saturday Night Live in 2021, and their first movie just dropped on Peacock: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain.  

It's recommended by Adam Devine, but I'd have to subscribe to Peacock to see it, so I've been checking trailers, synopses, and reviews for gay characters, gay subtexts, and beefcake.

The plot: Like Adam, Anders, and Blake of Workaholics, the three play "themselves" as clueless dudebros who live together, work together, and haven't quite made it to adulthood --  which in movies usually means hetero-romance.  Only Martin has a girlfriend.  

Ben wants to impress his Dad by being a business success, and John is content to play video games and drink beer.  They decide to go on one last adventure, searching for a lost treasure, a bust of Marie Antoinette worth several million dollars. 

On the way, they run afoul of a homicidal hawk (who becomes an ally), greedy park rangers, a gang, a cult, fireworks, fist-fights, and danger.  

Heterosexism:  Martin already has a girlfriend, and John falls in love with one of the cult girls.  As far as I can tell, Ben stays unattached.  

Gay Characters/Subtext: None that I could tell from the plot synopsis or reviews, but Bowen Yang, who plays the head cultist, is gay in real life and plays a lot of gay roles.  

There also might be a queer code in this scene of a communal bath: Martin and Ben are being soaped up by men, and John by a woman.  Or it could be a homophobic joke; it's hard to tell.

Beefcake: The guys are shirtless at least twice. Also, when they are learning to glide off mountaintops, with the help of their hawk buddy, John's suit busts open, and we see his penis swinging around.  

Penises after the break

Workaholics, Episode 6.1: Blake is gay in this one, but don't worry, Adam still likes dicks. With bonus Dane cock...I mean Cook

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"Bad Ideas with Adam Devine": When you need to f*k the Sadness in a hurry. With bonus buddy bulges and butts

Sometimes you need to f*k the Sadness in a hurry, and your best bet is Adam Devine.  Not (just) because of his hotness, because his stuff is always upbeat, with no hatred, no tragedy, no angst, not a lot of heteronormative mishegas, just whimsical problems, humorous braggadoccio, and homoerotic bonds. 

But you don't have time for a whole movie, or an episode of  Workaholicsor   The Righteous Gemstones. What do you do?

The reality series Bad Ideas with Adam Devine, streaming on Roku, is a perfect solution. In each episode, Adam. "the world's greatest movie star, the world's greatest lover, the guy who clearly writes his own intros," teams up with one of his comedian buddies to do something dangerous:

1. Compete in the World's Hottest Pepper Eating Contest, in the Bahamas. With Thomas Middleditch from Solar Opposites

2. Compete in a demolition derby, the Night of Destruction, at Perris Auto Speedway, near Riverside, California. With Blake Anderson from Workaholics

Blake bulging as a cop-stripper

3. Become stunt performers in a Western movie (after seven minutes of training). With Rebel Wilson from Pitch Perfect

4. Drive an ice cream truck up highway P3 in Peru, called "the Death Road" for its hairpin turns and 1000 foot drops. With Anders Holm from Workaholics

More after the break

Workaholics Episode 1.9: Adam kisses a cougar, gets frisky with Ders, and raps as a bodybuilding fairy wizard. With a Michael O'Hearn frontal

After the gloomfest of The Mick, I needed something a little more upbeat. So Workaholics Episode 1.9, which was heavily criticized on the Gender/Sex/Media blog as homophobic: the guys think of "homosexuality" as weird and wrong  -- and something you can catch.  Plus Adam uses a homophobic slur!  We'll see. 

Scene 1: The guys dressed as wizards in long beards and conical caps, rehearsing a rap number for the Renaissance Faire. Ders asks why Adam has ripped his shirt off: "We're trying to get people excited, right?  The world needs to see the madness that is my upper torso."  Can't disagree with that.  

Next Ders objects to "whoring out" the art of rap, but the guys remind him that ladies with big boobs will be watching their performance, so ok.

Scene 2: At work, the guys are watching through the window as Adam lifts weights on the patio. Geez, don't you gawk at his bod enough at home?  Sorry, of course there's no such thing as "enough."  

Suddenly a middle-aged lady comes onto the patio to smoke: Sharon, the owner of the whole building!  The guys, watching, don't understand..  "Why is that lady talking to Adam? Wait -- why are they kissing?"  Well, Billy, some boys like to kiss boys, and some like to kiss girls.  

Scene 3: Blake wonders where Adam has been for three days; he's missing the Wizard Rap rehearsals. He comes in to announce that he's moving in with Sharon!  They're in love, they're having sex, and besides, she's helping him with his bodybuilding career.  She got him a gig at the Tri-County Amateur Bodybuilding Competition.  Um..buddy, anyone can sign up for those things.  Blake and Ders disapprove: she's a cougar (middle aged lady who's into young guys.)  Nonsense, she's the same age as Adam's mom, who has sex a lot.  

He zooms away on the back of Sharon's motorcycle.  The guys feel betrayed, and decide that they will break up the lovebirds. Their plan: Ders will seduce her. Won't work -- I'm sure Sharon is fine with three-ways.

Scene 4: The guys arrive at Sharon's mansion. While Adam shows Blake around, Ders asks to check out the pool (we've already established that he's a former swimming champ).

The grand tour, consisting of the various places where Adam has made "the magic happen": their bedroom, the staircase, her son's bedroom, the kitchen. Have they ever actually had sex?  I think a big reveal is coming. 

Meanwhile Ders goes out to the pool in a very tight Speedo and flirts with Sharon.  She can't swim, so he offers to teach her.  

Scene 5:  Adam shows Blake the gym, where he's preparing for the bodybuilding competition.  Blake wants to stall him, to give Ders enough time to complete the seduction, so he asks for a demonstration of the bicep curl.  Adam likes to keep the window open during his workouts, so when he screams, people outside think he's having sex.  But aren't you having sex a lot anyway?  

Meanwhile, in the pool, Sharon asks Ders "Are you trying to seduce me?"   She is totally open to the idea.

Scene 6: Adam looks out the window, sees Sharon and Ders flirting, and runs down in a jealous snit. "We're going to fight!"  

Upset at being interrupted in the midst of a seduction, Ders cries "You are frickin' dead, boy!" But when he climbs out of the pool, he is aroused!  

They can't fight that way, so he has to lie down until he gets soft.  But the minute the two start grabbing at each other, they both get aroused! "Your boner is contagious!" Adam exclaims.  He orders Ders to put on a shirt to hide his hunkiness.  What about you, Mr. Sexiest Man on the Planet?  It can't be a fair fight with your gorgeousness  distracting your opponent.  "Wait, am I supposed to hit you or kiss you? I'll compromise with a blow job."  

Ders agrees -- they're too attracted to each other for a physical fight.  Maybe if they just hurl insults?  Nope -- it turns into an "are you as turned on as I am?" tirade that stops just short of the kiss.  And they're aroused again! 

More arousal after the break

Michael O'Hearn: barbarian, superhero, n*de model, backside annihilator.

Michael O'Hearn (no connection to Brock O'Hurn) played the bodybuilder who harassed Adam on Workaholics, and for some reason didn't get cast as a member of Kelvin's God Squad.  Recently he had a gym date with Tony Cavalero: "After an intense couple of weeks of flirting online, we went at it at the gym like true barbarians."  

He specifies: "Tony brings the business in the front and the party in the back, and I don't just mean the hair."  Funny, I always thought Tony was more into oral. But when you have Michael O'Hearn behind you, who's going to say no?

Tony returns the compliment: "Honored to have you annihilate my back!  Such a blast bustin' some smut with you."  How many ways can you make a gym workout sound like sex?

You might not  want to see Mike's first star vehicle, Barbarian (2003): "An ancient land suffocates in the shadow of evil. A dark lord rules unopposed. One warrior will become legend. He is the Barbarian... the last great warrior king."  Did anyone actually write a script, or did they watch a 1980s sword-and-sorcery movie and say "Here -- act this out."

The Keeper of Time (2004) is more of the same, with characters named Bullrock, Anu, Udo...and Daniel? 

Then Mike moved into comedy, with roles on Workaholics, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Lab Rats, Mighty Meds, and Epic Rap Battles of History.  Plus he performed on two seasons of American Gladiators, the beefcake game show, as Thor and Titan.

But his main career is in bodybuilding and modeling. 4 time Mr. Universe, 7 time Fitness Nake Model of the Year, 470 magazine covers.  Plus the cover model for Topaz romance novels.

And a lot of humorous instagram posts.

I do the same thing.  Leg day?  What's leg day?

Super bulge from when Mike played a Superman parody.

Hulked out for American Gladiators.  

Mike's size after the break

Workaholics Episode 4.13: "Do you think the guys having sex upstairs might be gay?" With bonus bear cocks

Workaholics Episode 4.13, "Friendship Anniversary," is an excellent illustration of heteronormativity, the assertion that heterosexual desire, behavior, and identity are universal human experience, and LGBT people do not exist, or at least there are none here.   

You ask a new male acquaintance if he has a girlfriend, forgetting that he could be gay or bi.

The teacher tells the class, "If you boys got your minds off girls, you'd get better grades," forgetting that some of them might have their mind on boys.

TV viewers insist that a same-sex pair cannot be gay unless they actually say so on screen.  Otherwise everything they say and do is what heterosexuals say and do. "So they hold hands. Can't a straight guy hold his buddy's hand?"

On to the show. 

The Dude Husbands: After a scene where the guys, Anders, Blake, and Adam, play American Gladiator,  they discover that they have been living together for seven years, so they are "common law husbands."  To celebrate their anniversary, Blake gives them homemade gifts: seashells on Ders' headphones and macaroni on Adam's weight belt, ruining them!  Ders serves horrible Norwegian food hidden in a bait-and-switch KFC box.  They argue, have a food fight, destroy each other's stuff, and criticize Adam's weight: "You're a chubby bitch, as fat as John Candy and not half as cool."  Finally they break up. Everyone leaves the house.

Blake's Night:  Crashing with his work friend, Jillian, Blake has a fun evening planned: beer, listening to the Yin Yang Twins (a rap duo), and "artsin' and craftin'"  But she's engrossed in a dog show on tv (that she is betting a lot of money on).  He makes her a "thanks for letting me stay here" gift, arts-and-crafting her favorite dress, ruining it. Plus he makes fajitas with sour cream, enraging her (that's a little harsh, girl). 

Jillian puts him to bed in the bathtub, and when he casually mentions that she is acting crazy, goes ballistic: "We leave the shower on and the lights off."  

Ders' Night: Apparently he has no credit cards to get a hotel room, and no friends, so Ders tries to sleep in the back seat of his car.  He hears some teens drinking beer at the play station in the park -- after hours!  He tells them to scram, but they just make fun of him, so he gives them an ultimatum: they have to be gone by the time he finishes taking a dump, or he's calling the cops. 

Once he gets into the porta-a-potty, the teenagers knock it over, dousing him with a flood of blue toilet water

Adam's Night: He goes to a bar to drink and look for friends who won't reject him for being overweight.  It turns out to be a gay bear bar (no one says so, but watch your heteronormativity; how do you know it's not?). He comes on too loud and too strong for the first guys he approaches: "50 beers for my new friends, who I love now!"  When Trevor (Stephen Kramer Glickman) calls him a "rowdy little bear cub," he insists on a full-body bear hug, and accepts an invitation home. Heteronormativity: Adam has no idea that these guys are gay, or that he has agreed to a hook-up.

At home, they go right to bed.  When Trevor presses his hard cock against him, Adam thinks that it's just morning wood, and congratulates the guy for being so virile.  Trevor is about to go downtown, when Adam reveals that he just broke up with a partner of seven years, like a few hours ago.  A rebound hookup would be a bad idea; Trevor announces that he's going to masturbate in the bathroom instead. Heteronormativity again: a guy climbs in bed with you naked and presses his hard cock against you, but same-sex desire does not exist, so you must find a heterosexual explanation.

The guys start texting but change their minds, look for texts from their partners, and are miserable. 

The Rat Catchers: The next day, they have cordoned off their cubicle, and aren't speaking to each other, except to brag about how great their nights alone were and criticize their performance as husbands.  They decide to go back to the house, split up the security deposit, and part forever.

Except the house is overrrun with rats.  They have to get rid of them, or they won't get the security deposit back.  They try various gross and unhygeniec strategies which allow each to use his skills: Anders' organizational ability, Blake's arts-and-crafting, and Adam's muscles.  Afterwards, although they are splattered with rat blood and will probably die of rabies, they realize that they enjoyed the adventure, and decide to stay dude husbands. 

More after the break

Adam's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 4: A sex party, a phallic symbol doobie, two birthdays, and a tight butthole

 

Previous: Adam's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: Jizz, penises, bodybuilders, and Duck Tales

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Adam Devine.  I've already posted almost all of his dick and butt shots available, but not to worry, there are some dicks and butts of other guys. 

1. "Oh no, the wind blew over the sign.  Now how will guys know where the Blow Buddies party is?"

2. "Sorry to crop you out of the photo, Chloe, but it's the only way I can get profile views on Grindr."

3. "My friends try to kill me on my birthday."

4. Well, let them go down on you once in a while.

5. "No, this is not a phallic symbol.  Sometimes a doobie is just a doobie."

6. Although sometimes doobies can lead to phalluses.

More Adam after the break

Adam's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: Gold's Gym, grapes, ben wa balls, and 69

Previous: Adam's hot/hung  photos, Part 1: Forehead presses, anal poopers, divine dicks, and Kermit the Frog

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Adam Devine, star of The Righteous Gemstones, Workaholics, and practically everything. 

1. Bro, you don't have to be actually made of gold to join Gold's Gym.

2. Steve Howey, one of the gay terrorists in Game Over, Man

3. You think every guy wants a hickey, dude.

4. "Quick, make a funny face!  Maybe they won't notice where my hand is!"

5. In Captain Fail, Adam plays an unqualified, inept spaceship captain.  Jason Ritter plays his arrogant rival.

6. Adam always treats his fans like buddies or boyfriends.

More Adam after the break.  Warning: Explicit

Workaholics Episode 7.3: Blake sucks a...Adam sucks...well, there's lots of gay sex jokes, and everybody loses their pants

 

I haven't reviewed an episode of Workaholics for awhile, and Episode 7.3, "Monstalibooyah," is notable for its nonstop beefcake and huge number of queer codes.

Scene 1: The guys are spending the day at their company's time share condo, only 11 blocks from the beach!  They plan a crazy party, but Adam cautions, no naked Twister: "Sex Twister makes my dick blister."  He offers to show them, but then Ders wants to show them a scar on his dick, too.  They start working to get semis, then realize what they are doing and change their minds. Is it just me, or is it getting homoerotic in here?

Scene 2: They explore the condo. Ders: "A Fiat!" Adam: "A jacuzzi!" Blake: "Ketchup!"

They reveal their goals for the day. Adam: Get filmed doing something stupid, so he can get on the reality show Kookslams.  Ders' goal: get a hickey so everybody at work will think he got laid. Blake: smoke weed out of a "cock shell."  He means conch shell, of course.  And they all want to watch the sunset together.  Awww...

Scene 3:  They drive the Fiat to the beach, wearing only jeans, Adam's muscles pouring out, and play a homoerotic game of volleyball, paralleling the iconic scene in Top Gun that had a generation of gay kids figuring it out.  Wait -- their opponents are little girls.

Suddenly they are distracted by three bikini babes walking toward them in slow motion. Ders calls dibs on one who looks like she gives good "hick jobs."  Or you could have sex with her.

They ask the girls' plans for the evening: try to score some Molly and then hang out at the beach club. Why not come back to their place for a crazy party instead?  Just as the girls are considering it, Carson and his sidekick (Steve Talley,  Temple Baker, left) show up to warn them about hooking up with strangers.  They call the guys "chicken donkers," which seems to be a made-up slur.

Ders suggests a game of volleyball: the winner gets the girls.  But Carson and his sidekick are acting more like overprotective brothers than boyfriends. 

Besides, that's sexist: "They're not property!"  Carson throws the guys' volleyball into the ocean. It belongs to the condo; they'll be charged hundreds of dollars!  They rush in to retrieve it, and soon discover why you don't go swimming in jeans.  They have to ditch the jeans, or drown. 

They return to dry land naked, covering their dicks with their hands. Blake finds a "cock shell" to shove his junk into.  Passersby laugh  at their size, but they explain that small dicks are regular-sized now, shrinking due to energy drinks.  

Scene 3: They steal clothes that someone left on the beach: Ders gets a "Paddy's Irish Pub" t-shirt from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia,  Blake a lady's dress, and Adam a dad outfit.  

Sunset is in two hours, and they haven't met any of their goals yet!   Maybe they can get Ders his hickey by bringing the girls some Molly.  Blake and Adam cause a distraction while Ders steals the stash of a drum circle.  

But the drum circle catches on, and chases them!  They hide with a bridal party, putting on their little femme hats as a disguise: "You guys are so pretty!" Adam exclaims. Yeah, they're hot.

Scene 4: The girls said that they were going to hang at the Beach Club, so the guys sneak in, disguise themselves as staff, and shove shrimp down their pants, presuming that in fancy clubs, "shrimpermen" distribute shrimp one at a time. They approach the girls, announce that they have scored some Molly, and invite them back to the condo to suck on Ders' neck.  But Carson and his sidekick appear and order them to leave the girls alone.  Then the Drum Circle dudes, wanting to clobber the guys for stealing their Molly!   

Steve Talley bonus after the break

Workaholics Episode 3.7: Bodybuilders for the Lord turn out to be gay, so the guys try to help. With Kali cock

Adam Devine said on his podcast that Workaholics Episode 3.7 inspired Danny McBride to offer him the role of Kelvin on The Righteous Gemstones.   I'm not so sure: this episode aired in 2012, long before the Gemstones,     Unlikely, since it aired in 2012, long before The Righteous Gemstones was ever conceived of.  But there are certainly parallels between the Gaylord's Force and Kelvin's God Squad.

Scene 1: The guys are hiding in a supply closet at work, watching The Lord's Force, bodybuilders who perform strength stunts.  "How did these buffed dudes escape my radar?" Blake wonders. Their interest in hot guys has never been more obvious.  

The Lord's Force is performing in town tomorrow. Adam wants to watch the show, then try out.  Der protests that the show is religious, and Adam doesn't believe in anything. 

"I'm very religious!  Father, Son, whatever.  Noah's ark, two animals having sex."

Scene 2: The show is sold out. They try to get in by claiming to be bad people who need salvation:  Doesn't work. Darn, I wanted to see the actual show.

Scene 3: They wait outside until two members of the Lord's Force, Ram and Samson (Adam Dunnells, Scott Connors), come out.  Adam begs them to go out for a beer with him.  Wait -- Evangelicals don't drink. 

Scene 4: At the bar, drinking shots. Ram and Samson go out to smoke. The guys don't smoke, but decide that it would be cool, so they rush out to find Ram and Samson.. .kissing?  They are shocked.

Of course, bodybuilders can't be gay, so the guys figure that they're just good buddies, checking o each other's breath, so they are ready to "kiss hot chicks"?  Strangely, I heard that on fan boards after the Kelvin-Keefe kiss. 

Their manager, Rev. Troy, pulls up.  This is a homophobic squad -- the guys are busted!  They claim that they are playing "gay chicken," where straight guys try to out-gay each other. Der demonstrates by moving in for a kiss with Adam, who backs away. "You lost!"

Rev. Troy asks God what to do about "the gay thing."  God says "Fire them." But they'll be stranded in a strange town in the middle of a tour. 

Scene 5: The guys are letting Ram and Samson stay with them.  They offer a "proposition." Misunderstanding, thinking that they want sex, Samson insists that they are not gay.  "No, of course you're not gay, Dudes with giant muscles are never gay." 

"Maybe I am gay," Ram says.  "I'm just really confused right now." Is he really "questioning," or pretending so he can stay in the closet.

Easy way to find out if you're gay: kiss.  If you don't feel anything, you're not gay.  Ram and Samson start kissing, and end up pawing all over each other. The guys are shocked, but double-down. "Ok, you've proven that you're not gay.  You can stop kissing now."

On to the proposition: let's start a Lord's Force. Samson and Ram aren't sure.

Scene 6: A montage of the guys going about their daily activities, running into Ram and Samson getting it on, and being embarrassed.  No one can sleep because of the bed-squeaking and moaning ("You're injuring yourselves working out").

 Adam catches them showerng together ("to conserve water"), and notes that they have monster dicks: "Chicks must love sucking those." 

Scene 7:   Finally catching on, probably because Ram and Samson are having sex right in front of them, the guys propose the Gaylord's Force, with a bicep-and-penis logo and and the motto: "If you can take the pain of a man's unit pressing into your butt, you've got the strength to do anything."  This is homophobic: not all gay men are anal bottoms, and those who are don't see it as an ordeal, but as an enjoyable sexual act. Plus "Gaylord" is often useds as a slur.  But the guys seem to believe that they are helping.

Der has had enough: "I don't mind the sucking and screwing, but are you going to be part of this show are not?"  That's not what I expected him to say.  Ok, they agree.

Scene 8: The guys are setting up a "gay stage" for the show, when Rev Troy pulls up in his van. He wants Samson and Ram back.  He'll offer up to $38,000 per year. A terrible salary!

They decide to go back.  They explain that they're not gay anymore: it was just a phase. They're actually just hypocrites, willing to stay in the closet to promote their career.  But the guys are welcome to come to their show tonight.

Scene 9: Rev. Troy begins the show: "We are the Lord's Force, and we are going to murder the devil." David (Kali Muscle) breaks a baseball bat in half. The Wolf breaks concrete blocks. Samson and Ram try to lift a 1,000 pound cross over their heads, but struggle.  Notice the parallel with the much-bigger cross in Kelvin's God Squad.

"I should never have asked you back, you pillow-biters!" Rev. Troy sneers.

Adam comes to the rescue, suggesting that they use "the Gaylord's Force."  They are able to lift the cross. Then they kiss!  Everyone in the congregation is shocked and storms out, but the guys rush onto the stage to congratulate them.  

Scene 10: At the house, some gay guys are waiting for the Gaylords Force show.  But Ram and Samson aren't coming: they're moving to Vermont to start a new life.Vermont legalized same-sex marriage in 2009.  The guys have to perform themselves.  

Adam notes that he's had sex with over five women, but he can still channel Gay Strength.  He pretends to break some pre-broken bricks and beans himself with a board, but then tears a real phone book in half.  The crowd applauds.  "I will sign your dicks!" he exclaims. The end.

Beefcake: Adam is constantly on display, plus some chest and pixilated dick shots of the muscle men.

Heterosexism: Excellent depiction of heteronormativity: "whatever Ram and Samson do must be what straight guys do, because gay people do not exist."

Homophobia: Again, the guys are gay allies, but the depiction of Ram and Samson is problematic.  Gay men are hypersexual, doing it constantly, and utterly unreliable,  selling out their friends twice.

My Grade: B

Bonus:  Cock shot of Kali Muscle, bodybuilder, actor, and best-selling author.

See also: Gemstones Episode 2.6: Torsten gets it up, Keefe holds Kelvin's dick, and Sky is skyclad

Join Kelvin's God Squad: Recruitment video gives us the dirt on the God Squad

The top photo, of Adam groping Ders, is an outtake from Workaholics 1.9: Adam kisses a cougar, gets frisky with Ders, and raps as a bodybuilding fairy wizard