Noah Centineo: The Boyfriend of Your Dreams, with five butts, three bulges, one penis, and no gay characters
Max Brumberg: Slovakian flute crafter, drag theologian, Russian-Austrian-Uzbek actor. With bonus Uzbek dicks
Rather a difficult task. First, his last name isn't Brumbaugh, it's Brunberg. No, it's Brumberg, with an "m," and there are a lot of Max Brumbergs out there.
1. Max Brumberg who makes flutes in the traditional manner, with traditional materials. He makes Slovakian fujaras, Moldavian kavals, overtone flutes, double flutes, and many other types, out of his store in Sainte-Croix-Vallée-Français.
Another Max Brumberg is Max Brumberg-Kraus, he/him or they/them, the co-founder of the House of Larva Drag Co-operative. They perform as drag persona Çicada L’Amour, produce both small acts and full-length queer peformance art, and belong to ARC community: "a creative collaboration for theopoetics."
They graduated from the United Theological Seminary in 2020 with a M.A. in theology and the arts, and research interests in queer temporality, queer and feminist theology, cosmology, mythopoetics, ancient tragedy, midrash, embodiment, and reception theory. They're the author of The(y)-ology: Mythopoetics for Gay/Trans Liberation.
Then there's the grad student at the Institute of Russian History in Moscow, and his aroused cucumber.
From Linkedin, IMDB, and an article in Voyager, I've pieced together the life of Max Brumberg, actor. Of Uzbek and Russian Jewish ancestry.
Left: Tajik guy from Russia
While he was working as a manager at Saxon Bank in Zurich, Max realized that "something was missing...there was a void in my life." So he moved to L.A. and enrolled at the Stella Adler School of Acting.
So far he has only six acting credits on the IMDB:
More after the break
Santa Clarita Diet, Episode 1.9: A Medieval Serbian book, a gay subtext, daddy/twink porn, and maybe a Skyler dick
I haven't reviewed an episode of Santa Clarita Diet for awhile, mainly because the first episode I watched was kind of gross. Also, after posting reviews of twelve of Skyler Gisondo's movies, four photo collections, and a lot of stuff on Gideon Gemstone, I'm running out of pictures of Skyler with his shirt off.
And no cock shots at all, unless you count the one in the bonus photos, below. So we'll have to make do with a fully clothed Skyler.
The premise: Suburban housewife Sheila has become a zombie. She's fully sentient, but she lacks impulse control, is unusually horny, and has to eat human flesh. While looking for a cure, her annoyingly amoral family helps her find victims. Skyler plays the guy who knows their secret, next-door neighbor Eric, who happens to be an expert on zombies.
I'm reviewing Episode 1.9, "The Book," because it involves the search for a medieval Serbian manuscript, and who wouldn't be interested in that?
Scene 1: While Zombie Sheila bags up human meat for later, Husband Joel (Timothy Olyphant, left) has had a breakthrough: Anton, who owns the Medieval Serbian book that mentions a zombie cure, has finally responded to his emails and texts. He can meet them at a paranormal conference in Oxnard today.
But then a cop appears with daughter Abby, who was arrested for runing a stop sign in a motorcycle with no plates or VIN number, wearing a jacket saying "Pussy Magnet." Hey, the "Pussy Magnet" is legal. The girl likes what she likes.
Abby is obviously in psychological pain from dealing with the zombie situation, so Sheila will spend the day with her. Husband Joel can go to the paranormal conference with ally Eric.
I'll review the two plotlines separately.
Mother-Daughter Bonding
Scene 1: Zombie Sheila and Abby return the motorcycle of a guy she killed to his brother, Lonnie (Alex Scuby), who runs a chop shop out of a storage locker. He took Abby's money but didn't fix her bike, so she wants her money back. Wait, I thoiugh it belonged to the dead guy? Were there two bikes?
Lonnie tells them that his brother was a "stupid fucking idiot" who ripped people off, so they're out of luck. He closes the garage-door and won't let them in. He's not responsbile for his brother's debts, ladies.
Left: Alex Scuby has appeared in a porno about two older-younger gay couples who swap partners.
Scene 2: In their storage locker, which is the size of a small apartment, Sheila and Daughter Abby look for something to use to get the money back from Lonnie. There's teargas that Abby stole from Eric's stepfather before Dad killed him, but Sheila wants to teach Abby a life-lesson and use a non-violent solution: how about Raffi, that annoyingly repetitive kids' singer? What makes you think Lonnie is still in there?
Scene 3: Hours of playing and singing along to Raffi later, they give up, but Lonnie yells from inside "Turn Raffi back on!" They decide to tear gas him instead, but when they drop the tear gas canister down the vent, it hits the wrong storage locker! Two innocent guys rush out.
Scene 4: Abby wants to know why Mom Sheila is so dead-set, so to speak, on teaching her life lessons. She explains that she is slowly decomposing, so she won't be around much longer, and has to make sure Abby will be ok. Aww.
The Paranormal Conference
Scene 1: When Dad Joel arrives to pick up Eric, his mom announces "You have a gentleman caller." Gay joke, har har. Embarrassed, Eric tells her to not make everything sexual.
He asks for advice on how to pack a hoodie, and claims to be upset over Joel murdering his stepfather with a shovel, but he's joking: the guy was an asshole. Is this casual attitude toward murder supposed to be humorous?
Scene 2: At the conference, Eric buys a churro-saber, but it's too long to be phallic.
When Joel is rejected by the first person he talks to, Eric explains: these are all introverts with low self-esteem, and he scares them away by being too aggressive and too handsome: "with those piercing eyes and perfect posture." So you think he's hot, Eric?
Scene 3: They find Anton, Derek Waters, talking to a crowd about government conspiracies: During the 1950s, they exploded thousands of nukes over Bikini Atoll in the South Pacific. In 2012, a man in Florida eats another man's face. Coincidence? "If you believe that, I've got a Japanese sex doll to sell you. Unused." Because he gets so many partners that he doesn't need it?
Nerd Ryan, Ravi Patel, asks about an outbreak of the undead in 19th century Poland. Yep: Rybik, 1870. Three priests walk into a tavern, and get eaten.
Joel asks about the Medieval Serbian book. Yep, Pozica, 16th Century.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
Gemstone Season 3 Memes, Part 1: Dildos, a limp wrist, a nice Satanist boy, and what Stephen fantasizes about
This is a series of memes -- jokes -- featuring Kelvin and Keefe of The Righteous Gemstones, their friends, and a few random hunks. Most don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.
1. Applied to join Kelvin's God Squad, rejected for being too big
2. Careful, one of your dildos escaped
3. Need help with that toy?
Need someone to show you how to use a double-headed dildo? Go find Kelvin and meet me in the steam showers.
4. "I be punching you in the uvula."
Diss my man again, and:
"Im'a shove my fist so far up your ass that you'll be kissing my ring from the inside."
"Your friends will think you're a Muppet"
"You'll be tastin' the hand job I gave him this morning."
"Your tonsils be chargin' me rent"
That 90s Show, Episode 3.6: Ozzie dates, Theo gets groped, and the Human Erection gets dumped. WIth Theo and Noah nudes
That 90s Show is a nostalic spin-off of That 70s Show, set 20 years later, with the children of the original cast hanging out in that basement: Jay, the pretty one (Mace Coronel, left); Nate, the stupid one (Maxwell Acee Donovan); Ozzie, the gay one (Reyn Doi); and three or four girls, it's hard to keep track.
Nikki's problem: Her boyfriend, Theo (Anthony Turpel), just wants to kiss, and she's ready to go downtown, but he's shy, and she's never had to make the first move before. Her last boyfriend was Nate the Stupid One, aka the Human Erection-- she'd just look down, and his cock would be in her hand. Whoa, these are teenagers. Let's keep it G-rated!
Ozzie's problem: He can't go to a kid's movie on his first date, but for a R-rated, he needs adults to buy the tickets.
In case you haven't seen Jason Mewes nude recently.
Scene 5: Nate the Human Erection tries to break up with Betsy by claiming that he cheated with "Amy Pasta." But Betsy likes the idea, and suggests a three-way. Hey, these are teenagers!
Scene 6: Ozzie and Isaac are alone at the movie -- until the guys arrive to cover their eyes if something inappropriate comes on, like blood or boobs. Guys, boobs won't be a problem. Now, let's talk penises.
Scene 7: Back at the barbecue, Gwen's Dad Otis was allowed to cook, and now the wieners are all shriveled. Penis joke, har har.
Also, Grandma Kitty was trying to prevent Gwen's parents from having sex, but they had sex anyway. "It wasn't your fault. Trying to stop us made it hotter."
Dad Otis also blew off the big, important truck-driving lesson, letting his daughter down, so Leia and Gwen drive off by themselves, with no lessons.
More after the break. Caution: it gets even more explicit.
Joe Canoli's canoli: frontal nudity and erotic promise from the groovy 1960s
Readers were asking about Joe Canoli, one of the random hunks in the Season 2 Gemstone Memes.
Walter Kudzincz, born in 1925, began photographing his well-hung buddies and boyfriends, establishing a catalog of guys in skimpy outfits pretending to be cowboys, pirates, or gladiators, trying to avoid being overtly homoerotic, as was required by the strict censorship and intense homophobia of 1950s society. You could get them via mail order, or in "fitness" magazines like Physique Pictorial and Tomorrow's Man.
In 1952 Walt met Jim Stryker, an 18-year old recent high school graduate, pranking his friend by urinating on him from a tree branch. Stryker became his friend, lover, and the top-selling model in the gay male subculture for the next ten years.
In 1962, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that male nudity was not necessarily obscene, and in 1965, magazines began printing frontal nudity, allowing Walt to challenge the "chaste," closeted gay models of the earlier generation. It was the era of the psychedelics revolution, the sexual revolution, the youth counterculture, and the more open, out gay subcultures that would culminate in Stonewall and the Gay Rights Movement. The modern gay man was willing to admit that he liked to look at cocks as well as muscles.
So Walt's Champion Studio models got naked. Sometimes their photos were campy and cool, brightly colored, "mod," groovy. Sometimes they made fun of the posing-strap cowboys and football players of the uptight 1950s. Sometimes they were unabashedly erotic.
I'm covering a lot about the life of Walt Kudzincz because I have found almost nothing about Joe Canoli. This is the earliest photo I could find, taken between 1962 , when rear nudity was permitted, and 1965, when you were allowed to go frontal.
Tony demonstrates how to pick up that hot guy at the gym
We've all had this problem: the hot guy at the gym won't respond when you try to make eye contact or say hello. Even the famous actor Tony Cavalero struck out from time to time, until he developed a foolproof method for getting the hot guy's attention, and maybe even making him your gym boyfriend.
1. Scope out your target, then do the same exercise, but with more weight to impress him.
2. That didn't work? Take your shirt off.
3. Still nothing?
4. Try struggling with a bicep curl. He'll rush over to spot you.