The Chair Company, Episode 1.6: More queer codes at Seth's 18th birthday party. Plus Seth's selfie, a queer puppeteer, Ebenezer Scrooge, and Brock cock

The Chair Company (2025), on MAX, stars Tim Robinson as corporate schlub Ron, whose chair collapses during an important presentation.  Looking for the company that sold the defective piece of office furniture, he finds an empty warehouse, a website with an invented board of directors, and...it gets weirder and werider, with conspiracies, hidden agendas, and threats. Or is it all a paranoid delusion?

He hires Mike (Joseph Tudisco) to help with the intel gathering.  Eventually they become close, and Mike refuses payment: "We're family."  

His young adult daughter and her girlfriend have substantial roles, and his teenage son Seth (Will Price) displays some queer codes.  Especially in Episode 1.6, "Happy Birthday: A Friend"

Scene 1: The boss (Lou Diamond Philips, top photo) is weekending in Sedona, Arizona with his buds.  He claims that his property management company is important, but they dismiss it as "making pretty boxes."  The real life, the only thing that's important, is spending time with your friends.  No women around; are these guys all gay?

Scene 2: The photos of the fake Board of Directors on the chair company website were taken by someone named Maggie S. during an acting exercise.  Ron goes to the acting studio  and asks around.  No one remembers the exercise, and they all claim not to know a Maggie S. -- except for Headphone Guy (Brendan Jennings, left), who runs off in a panic.  Ron catches up and starts punching and hitting him, yelling, "Who is Maggie S.?"  Then he realizes that everyone is watching him assault a guy, and runs away.

Scene 3: During the chair collapse, Ron accidentally saw up his coworker's dress.  Human Resources got upset, and brought in a consultant to watch their interactions and make sure he isn't stalking or harassing her.  The Consultant is not sure.

Scene 4: The Boss brought back some photos of vibrant colors and textures from Sedona.  He wants them to redo the design of the big Shopping Mall project, to make it "inspiring" and "cool." But he doesn't give them any detailed instructions, so the design team is confused.  This is not connected to the central mystery.  This show has a lot of bit pieces that are weird for their own sake.

Later, they show the Boss their plans for "bold, earthy colors," with textures like sandstone or "a harsher contrast with nickel plating."  He doesn't like it; "dig deeper." 

Scene 5: Ron walks into the house late at night and sees a long-haired chubby guy getting himself a bowl of popcorn.  He says "Hi, Honey" and "Seth, your Dad's home!" before returning to the basement.

Mom explains that he's Richard (Tyler Bunch), working on a project with Seth. 

Tyler Bunch is a member of the Jim Henson Company, appearing as a muppet on 103 episodes of Sesame Street (1998-2024).  He also voiced several characters on 400 episodes of Pokemon (2012-22), and he sings Gilbert and Sullivan.  He is gay in real life.

Ron is not happy with his not-quite-18 year old son being friends with a guy 40 years older, plus it's late: he needs to be in bed so he can play basketball tomorrow.  Seth refuses: "Nope, this is important."

In other news, Son Seth invited Toby to his birthday party.  "He's really excited to come," They haven't seen each other for years because they go to different schools, but when he was thirteen, they performed the Pee-Wee Herman Dance, and Ron joined in: one of the happiest memories Seth has of his dysfunctional Dad. 

Dad Ron doesn't think Son Seth and Toby should be friends.  This upsets Seth.  No wonder: that's two friends you disapproved of in five minutes. Sounds like you're threatened by the thought of your son having someone special in his life.  

Scene 6: Later, in his room, Son Seth drinks while looking at a photo of his junior-high basketball team, with Dad Ron hugging him.  So Dad should be threatened?  "Hi, Honey" Richard is a Dad substitute?

Left: Potential Will selfie.  Don't worry, the actor is 25.

Later, Ron meets with "We're family" Mike.  They discuss some more clues about the bogus chair company.  In other news, would Seth like a decommissioned police car for his birthday?

"You're not invited to his party.  It's just for his friends and their parents."

"But I'd really like to come.  We're family, remember."

"No!" Why don't you want him there, buddy?  Afraid that you might let down your defenses and actually care about someone?

Scene 7: More weird stuff at work, and then the Boss wants to discuss changing the Mall plans -- tomorrow.

"But it's my son's birthday party."

"Great, I'll be there!"

Later, Ron looks at the photos he took of the guy he assaulted at the acting class.  A strange tattoo leads him to the chair company's parent website...but at that moment, someone calls to threaten him: "I'm thinking of finally doing something to you."

Gulp.  More after the break.

Gemstones Episode 3.2: Kelvin's butt buddies, gay Percy, two toxic families, and some military dicks

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Gemstones Episode 3.1: Kelvin collects cocks, the Simpkins smirk, and Dusty Daniels flirts. With a Peruvian penis and random butts

Title: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You."  Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I hope so, because word on the street is that this season gets very dark.

Rogers County Fair, 2000:  The teenage Jesse Gemstone is announcing a demolition derby featuring his monster truck, the Redeemer, while his parents, megachurch pastor Eli Gemstone and his wife Aimee-Leigh, argue: the Redeemer is putting butts in seats, but is this really appropriate for a Christian ministry?   What are we going to do next, sell beer?  At that moment, a muscle hunk comes by selling beer!

Eli and Aimee-Leigh's three kids look very young, but according to the fan wiki, Jesse is 19, Judy is 15, and Kelvin is 9 or 10.

While Aimee-Leigh is off smoking a cigarette, May-May, a shabbily-dressed middle-aged woman, approaches, furious: "You pretend to be all sweet and caring, but I know the truth -- what you done to my family."  She attacks; Aimee-Leigh runs through the crowd, screaming for help, but May-May catches up and hits her with a wrench. As she lies bleeding on the ground, a car hits -- May-May! 

Eli Retires: Present day. Time to introduce the main conflicts of the season.  First up: the now-elderly Eli is hanging out with his Mason-like Cape and Pistol Society. They ask how he's enjoying his retirement.  Actually, he's only semi-retired: he's writing another autobiography and taking speaking engagements, but his kids are running the church. Gulp!  His friend: "You scared your kids are gonna blow it?"  

A Cold Fish Kiss: Eli's second child, Judy, is now a famous singer.  She has just returned from a tour, and her husband BJ wants to snuggle, but she yells at him for pressuring her, gives him a "cold fish kiss," and runs out again.  Uh-oh, marital trouble.

Smut Busters: The primary conflict, judging from the amount of air time it gets: someone named Keefe is showing the youngest son, 32 or 33 -year old Kelvin, a giant novelty dildio.  He exclaims with glee, "That is gonna hurt!"  So he's abottom, and Keefe is his boyfriend, showing him their new toy.

We pan out to see kids examining a pile of s ex toys, mostly dildos and butt plugs of various sizes and shapes, intended for gay men.  Notice the "Size Queen" dildo. 

Psych!  Kelvin and Keefe are actually youth ministers, running an anti-sex toy project.  I guess: notice the t-shirts, with the name "Smut Busters" over a splatter of...jizz?   They buy out the inventory of local adult stores, to force them into bankruptcy.  Wait -- anyone know basic economics?  

The youth group kids, also in Smut Busters t-shirts, are just examining the latest haul.  Do they take the kids to the adult stores?  They wouldn't be allowed inside.  Besides,  "exposing children to sex" is a misdemeanor.  

They ask the kids and adult volunteer Taryn to join them in the Smut Buster chant: "No smut (touch nipples),  no lust (feminine hip wiggle), no coconuts (hands to waist, grimace)." No one joins in.  

After extensive research, I conclude that "coconuts" doesn't have a symbolic meaning, except maybe to evoke testicles.  It was chosen for  its near-rhyme. The chant reflects the playground phrase "no butts, no cuts, no coconuts" (no cutting in line), and its variation, "No ifs, no buts, no coconuts" (no disagreeing).

Left: coconuts

Pretending to have never seen these characters before,  I conclude that they are a gay couple: notice how Kelvin plays with Keefe's nipple, an intimacy that platonic pals would not enjoy, how Keefe gets all bitchy around Taryn, and how most of the sex toys they buy are for gay men.  They can't conceive of something used by straight men as erotic: "There's a naked lady on the box.  Keefe, I said sexy, not disgusting!" 

So the main conflicts of the season will involve the transition of power, marital problems, and coming 

Old Slow-Eyes: Then Sunday dinner at Jason's Steak House. They argue about who is responsible for the decline in church members and donations since Eli stepped down, then about church leadership: Jesse thinks that he should be the sole leader, but the others think that they should lead together. 

How closeted are Kelvin and Keefe?  They are presented as the equivalent of the other couples, Jesse/Amber and Judy/BJ;  Jesse even refers to them as a unit. Plus Kelvin displays some feminine traits that anyone would pick up on instantly.  Maybe they are out to the family, but closeted to the church.  

Jesse criticizes the Smut Buster project -- preventing truck drivers from getting "dick pills" but not doing anything to help the church.  Kelvin says that they have bought up the inventory of 16 porno shops along the I-95 corridor. Of course, they get to keep the dildos. This is a call-back to Season 2, when Jesse complained that Kelvin's God Squad, a collection of musclemen, was solely for "popping boners," his own erotic enjoyment, not to help the church.

Geography alert: The I-95 corridor  runs through South Carolina about 50 miles from the ocean. The nearest junction is an hour's drive from Charleston.  That's a long drive just to pick up some rubber dicks. 

Next on the agenda:  A wealthy donor, famous racecar driver Dusty Daniels (Shea Whigham, left) planned to bequeath his entire $200 million fortune to the church.  But now that Eli has stepped down, he will be going with the rival Simpkins family instead.  Uh-oh,  the church can't afford to lose this!

The Evil Simpkins:  The siblings visit Dusty at his private racetrack to convince him to change his mind, but he thinks that the Simpkins display more fraternal affection.  The Gemstones can't even hold hands properly (this will become important later).  

Queer code: Jesse accuses Kelvin of using Botox to maintain his youthful appearance.  Most Botox users are in their 40s and 50s, much older than Kelvin, suggesting gay-coded vanity.  Plus 85% are women.

Kelvin keeps fiddling with a ring on his wedding-ring finger, to draw viewer attention to it. Are he and Keefe actually married?

The Simpkins arrive: two brothers and a sister, about the same age as the Gemstones.  They have no trouble holding hands! Plus they are self-made millionaire pastors -- they didn't inherit a dynasty..  

Shay Simpkins flirts with Dusty, so Judy says that she also finds him hot.  Kelvin nods his agreement.  Wait - how out is he?  Dusty, openly bisexual, returns the compliment: "All y'all look good, but this ain't about looks."  Kelvin: "That's a good thing because if it were, we'd win by a mile."  They flex and posture.

Ok, Dusty says, why don't you battle for me?  In stock cars. He's putting himself in a feminine role: traditionally suitors compete for the attention of a young lady.  

Jesse against Craig Simpkins, who claims that he has no experience. Uh-oh, he means he's not experienced in the basic stock cars used in NASCAR racing.  He's an expert in the more advanced Formula 1 cars.

There isn't even a race: Jesse stalls and then spins out.  The fortune goes to the Simpkins!

Bonus: From Ayacucho, which I thought was in Brazil.  It's actually in Peru.

The Book Signing: Eli is at a bookstore, signing copies of his "definitive autobiography" -- his third. Did you mention having a gay son?  Suddenly May-May, who attacked his wife Aimee-Leigh back in 2000, hands him one of his earlier books: Y2K: When the World Goes Dark. 

In 1999. many claimsmakers worried that computers were only set up for the 1900s, so on January 1, 2000, they would all reset. Bank accounts would empty; airplanes would fall from the sky; the world would descend into chaos. Some evangelists, like Eli Gemstone, made money by connecting the Y2K bug with end-time prophecies.

Eli is not happy to see his May-May -- he has a restraining order against her.  But she needs his help.  Wait -- you storm in and throw his old book at him to ask for help?  

Later, Eli records the section of his autobiography about Y2K: when the world didn't end, he and Aimee-Leigh had to face anger and ridicule. 

More after the break

"Muscle & Fitness": Searching for the Kelvin cover, with Weatherford butt and Lesnar dick

 

In Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.5, the flashback to 1993, four-year old Kelvin has a cover of Muscle & Fitness on the wall of his room. 

 

Not featuring Dick Stark, top photo, or Steve Weatherford, left. 

I've never heard of either, but apparently they were famous enough to rate covers and nude photos.

You can only see Kelvin's cover for a second before Judy turns off the light. Notice that it's positioned very low, at Kelvin's height.  

Being a research fan, I looked through the entire Muscle & Fitness cover gallery to find the issue chosen by the set dresser.  Notice that it shows a man with very short hair, arms akimbo.

I worked at Muscle & Fitness in the 1990s.  Joe Weider was extremely homophobic, worried about gay men reading our magazine, so almost every cover featured a man and a woman together.  A number featured just women.  The only male-only covers during my four years at Muscle and Fitness featured a celebrity, usually Arnold Schwarzenegger, but sometimes Lou Ferrigno or a sports figure.

More after the break

Jacob Sartorius: Femme teen idol into heterosexism, cowboys, and frontal nudity

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