"After the Hunt": Pretentious philosophy professors have problems, with some penises and Will Price

After the Hunt (2025), on Amazon Prime: A college professor with a dark secret. I'm in academe, and I love movies set in The Halls of Ivy.  Plus it stars Will Price, who I've had a crush on since I saw his gay-subtext role in The Chair Company (seen here with his favorite drag outfits).   I'm in, even with the two minutes of commercials that Amazon Prime makes you watch before the movie (in addition to the $100 per year fee).

Scene 1: Maggie, a middle-aged black woman, stares forlornly at some African art that shows a man and a woman getting it on. Actually, she's bored stiff at a faculty party while icy cool, incredibly pretentious Alma (Julia Roberts) is lecturing on how there are no universal standards of morality.   Uh-oh, she's going to be a murderer.

Horndog Hank (Andrew Garfield), who is sprawled across the couch with his legs spread, grabs Maggie and says that her dissertation on performative dissent will be the best thing ever written, sure to become a classic in philosophy. But she's only given them a few passages.  "You're too tight.  You need to loosen up."  

This shocks Arthur (Will Price) so much that he drops his drink.

Left: Garfield butt.

"So, when are you going to defend?" Maggie's elderly mentor (Michael Stuhlberg) asks.  (Defense is where your committee asks biting, unnerving questions about your dissertation and then decides whether to grant your Ph.D. or send you home with four to six years wasted).

"I haven't decided yet."

He chides her for having self-doubts.  This dissertation will make her name as the greatest philosopher of our generation, so why wait?

Hey, Michael Stuhlberg played a 26-year old grad student in Call Me by Your Name (2017). . Eight years later, he's playing a guy in his 70s?  Correction: Google said that this was a picture of Michael Stuhlberg, but it's actually Armie Hammer.  Stuhlberg played the boy's dad.

Maggie has to use the restroom. Incredibly Pretentious Alma says: "Don't use the usual one -- Frederick has a project in there. Use the guest bath at the end of the hall."  I'm guessing that Frederick is her son.

Scene 2: Maggie drifts folornly down the long, scary hallway, finds the bathroom, and slowly shuts the door.  Whoa, horror movie tropes.  Something sinister is waiting for her in there!

Back at the party, Alma and Horndog Hank are grabbing and fondling each other.  Apparently they're married, and going up for tenure at the same time. 

Elderly Mentor tries to talk them out of it:  "I don't want to be a contrarian, but sometimes a wish fulfilled can be more baffling than the longing."

Alma disagrees: "It's not some egoitic teleological pursuit, it's a threshhold."  Professors don't talk like that.

"If you get tenure and I don't, I'll be rageful," Horndog Hank jokes while grabbing and fondling her.  "Well, if you get it, and I don't, I'll be furious."

I'm expecting a scream, as Maggie is eaten by a monster. Or maybe she has offed herself, and the maid discovers her body. Nope, no scream.  The only problem: No toilet paper.  Looking for some, Maggie finds an envelope taped above the cleaning supplies.  Inside, a handkechief, a photograph, a letter, and a newspaper article.  But someone is coming, so she pockets some and puts the rest back. 

More after the break

Ferdia Shaw: From the Artemis Fowl flop to Chekhov, best friends with an Elf, Gaiety grad. With his Kilkenny cock and a Dwarf bum

No offense to aficionados, but I have never been able to get into Irish literature. It's either vaguely disturbing or incomprehensible.

Ulysses: "Mr Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls... which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine"

Dude is into water sports?

"The Isle of Innisfree": "I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree, and a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made."

Or you could use bricks. 

The Unamable: A novel consisting of the ruminations of a featureless entity living (if you can call it that) in a jar. 

Nuff said

Artemis Fowl: The first of an 11-volume series of young adult novels about a teenage richter, a villain who eventually reforms, in a world where goblins run organized crime syndicates and fairies have a police force.

It sounds interesting, but it put me to sleep.

In 2020, a movie version appeared, starring Ferdia Shaw as 12-year old Artemis, Tamara Smart as his girlfriend, Colin Farrell as his kidnapped Dad, Laura McDonnell as an 800-year old Elf cop, and Josh Gad (below) as a Dwarf giant who joins the Fellowship of the...um.... 

The plot had little connection to the book series, which enraged fans, and it was too convoluted to draw in new viewers.  It got an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes.  Critics called it a "confused, muddled, sloppy mess of bad intentions and worse execution."  

Disney expected a theatrical hit that would lead to a long-running franchise.  Instead, Artemis Fowl was plopped onto the streaming service Disney Plus, and after a few years quietly removed.  

Ferdia Shaw, who beat out 1200 hopefuls for the chance to play Artemis and become a Disney star, was born in Dublin in 2004, but grew up in Kilkenny.   Although he comes from a show biz family (grandson of famous actors Robert Shaw and Mary Ure, nephew of Ian Shaw, some sort of relation to "angry young man" John Osborne), he has only two other acting credits listed on the IMDB:

Poster Boys (2020): Petty thief Al (Trevor O'Connell) and his smart-aleck nephew (Ryan Minogue-Lee) go on a cross-country road trip. Ferdia plays a hooligan.

 Wellness (2025): a group of wellness influences attend a team-building exercise in the wilderness that goes terribly wrong. He plays minor character Duine Aisteach.

 More after the break

My Boyfriend and My Satanist Ex-Boyfriend at Thanksgiving Dinner: A Kelvin/Keefe/Daedalus Story

 

"Thanks again for inviting me to Thanksgiving dinner with your family," Kelvin, son of world-famous megachurch pastor Eli Gemstone and youth pastor at the Salvation Center,  told his boyfriend Keefe as the "Welcome to Richmond Hill" sign appeared.  It was an elegant suburb of Savannah, new-looking, with trendy shops and cool-sounding restaurants like the Himalayan Curry Cafe.

"Well, you invited me to dinner with the Gemstones last year,"  Keefe, a reformed Satanist turned assistant youth pastor, said.  "So it's only fair to make you endure my family's craziness.  Have you been studying the family tree?"

"I have it memorized.  Your Mama, Beth.  Don't ask about your Daddy.  Your sister Liz, age 45, and her husband Henry.  She's a child psychologist, and he's a dentist. Henry's son from his first marriage, Austin, who teaches high school English, and his wife...um..."

"Becky."

"Right, Becky.  Liz and Henry have another son, Jimmy, age 8.  Boy, I hope our heart-healthy green bean casserole will be enough."

"It will be fine.  No one in my family eats heart-healthy anyway."

"Ok, who else...Your uncle might be coming.  He's gay, but you only found out a couple of years ago.  He was closeted when you were growing up."  He paused.  "You don't mind letting them think that you're just the assistant youth pastor? I'm not ashamed of us or anything...it's just...well, I'm a Gemstone."  

"I don't mind," Keefe said, lying a little.  It took the family years to accept him -- his sister still didn't like to talk about it much -- and now he had to hide?  Pretend that the love of his life was a buddy?  It felt wrong.  

But Kelvin was always skittish.  He didn't even realize that he was gay until he was over 30. Everyone else knew the moment they saw him in one of his flamboyant outfits.  Keefe suspected that he would prefer to identify as a masculine-presenting demiboy, but they could save the gender-identity conversation for later.  Much, much later.

They drove through a neighborhood that Keefe though dismal and repressive growing up.  A grey house, grey with black shutters, where as a teenager he listened to heavy metal music and wrote poety about suicide, where his Daddy complained that everything he said or did was "faggy."

As they drove up to the house, Mama and his little nephew Jimmy came out onto the porch to meet them.   Hugs all around.

After a "Nice to meet you," Jimmy disappeared with their overnight bags, but Mama kept her hands firmly attached to Kelvin's arm.   "Reverend Gemstone, it's such a pleasure to have you in my home! I wanted to thank you in person for all you've done for my boy. But, you know, I've never seen him sing on the 'Praise Be to He' hour.  He has a wonderful voice, you know."

"That's not really my decision, Ma'am," Kelvin said, although actually it was.

"Mama!" Keefe exclaimed.  "You're embarrassing me."

"No, I'm not.  But listen to me rattling on.  You must be tired after your trip.  The men are watching football in the study.  You can join them, if you like.  Or would you like to go up to your room and relax until dinner?"  She pulled them into the foyer, said "Let me just take this ice chest to the kitchen," and vanished.

Keefe had no interest in sports, but he figured that the game would be the safest, and steered Kelvin to the study.  His brother-in-law Henry on the recliner.  His nephew Austin on the couch...and sitting next to him...what the heck was he doing here?

"Keefe, baby, I've been waiting for you!"  His ex-boyfriend leapt to his feet and hugged him.  He looked very different from when they were dating, much more conservative, not at all like the boy who flew too close to the sun (that was actually Icarus, not Daedalus, but they were really high when they came up with their nicknames). 

 His arms around Keefe, his tight, hard body pressing against him, brought back memories of a thousand nights with the band, performing, getting cruised by fanboys,  dreaming of stardom...and a thousand nights in the bedroom after, Daedalus gently stroking his hair while Keefe went down on him.  Kelvin was not at all gentle -- he was a roaring lion in bed, laying waste to his body with a passion so intense that it was a little frightening.

"Um..hi...Daedalus..." Keefe said, reddening as he began to get aroused.  "I haven't seen you since..."

"The night you broke my heart?"  He broke away and laughed.  "Just kidding."  He turned to Kelvin and held out his hand.  "And this must be your happily-ever-after guy."

"What?" Kelvin pretended to be surprised.  No, I'm Kelvin Gemstone, the youth pastor at the Salvation Center, Keefe's boss....and housemate.  Church staff has to live on the estate, you see, and I had a spare room...."  Stop lying! Keefe thought savagely.  You're sounding more and more ridiculous.

Daedalus looked more closely.  "Oh, right, I remember you from the night you broke up Baby Queef's performance at Club Sinister. You should have seen him, Henry -- we had Keefe in this isolation tank that symbolized the womb, right, and Indiana Jones here comes splashing in, tearing off the tubes that brought him oxygen, hugging him, kissing him -- the guy's mouth was full of amniotic fluid, mind you -- and whispering 'I love you. I love you.'...do you do that for all of your 'housemates,' Kelv Baby?"

"It was part of the act.  We arranged it in advance," Kelvin said, lying again to save face -- and to avoid admitting that it was the moment when he realized that he was in love with Keefe.  An important moment!  One you should want to share.

"Sounds exciting," Henry said. "You should have taped it."

"Um...excuse me.  I need to give Mama directions on how to prepare our casserole."  He ran into the kitchen.  "Mama!  Why on Earth did you invite my ex-boyfriend to Thanksgiving Dinner?"

She frowned.  "Well, why not?  Daedalus came to every Thanksgiving and Christmas for five years.  And your nephew Austin's piano recitals. Jimmy called him 'Uncle Daedus.'" He's part of the family.  Just because you broke up for some crazy reason doesn't mean we have to break up with him, too."

"I found God, Mama! Isn't that what you wanted for me?"

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.  And you were happy with Daedalus.  A lot happier than you seem now, when every word I say makes you uncomfortable or angry, and the wonderful Reverend Gemstone treats you like his personal servant.  Now, does this casserole get onion rings on top, or not?"

More after the break

Snakes and Ladders: A teacher and her gay son squabble with a chocolate heir, the Spanish counsul, and a closeted hunk. With Roque and Nico dicks

 I've never played the game "Snakes and Ladders" but apparently you move your piece up by landing on ladders and down by landing on snakes.  It's the title of several tv series and movies, most recently the Mexican Serpientes y Escaleras on Netflix. The promo shows a femme guy with orange hair at a party, heading for the bathroom, encountering a conservative guy ("on the right"), and having a conversation with awesome sexual tension. Ok, so let's go, Episode 1.1.

Scene 1: Some kids playing in a school yard.  A boy with blue eyeglasses and a girl get into a tussle, while the playground monitor looks horrified and the narrator tells us that "ethics" means "moral character," following the norms of the society. 

Cut to the Playground Monitor, aka the Prefect  putting on her prim schoolmarm outfit and walking through her mansion to kiss her pink-haired son.  He promises to come to lunch later.  She writes "I Deserve to Be Headmistress" in her notebook (aha, a micro-authority position, like Vice Principal), drives past the Millenium Arches that identify her city as Guadalajara, and arrives at the Colegio Andes (a grade school), only to find her friend Roque (Alfredo Gatica) passing out fliers for her competitor.

The Prefect yells at him. He responds: "She asked.  What could I do?"

N*de photos of Alfredo after the break.

Scene 2: She is called to the Headmistress's office to meet the parents of the blue-eyeglassed boy: Dad is the super-handsome Vicente (Martino Rivas, top photo and left) aka His Excellency Don Vicente Garcia, the Spanish Counsul.  Uh-oh, super-powerful.

The girl's father is dorky-looking Mr. Muriel, aka the Chocolate King, the head of Mexico's biggest chocolate company. 

Mr. and Mrs. Counsul claim that the girl grabbed the boy's testicles, which constitutes sexual assault. 

Chocolate King: "No way!  She's six years old,  too young to know about such things!"

The Prefect was there, but couldn't see well enough to affirm or deny that it happened.

Headmistress adjourns the meeting until tomorrow, and then yells at the Prefect: "You will write a statement indicating that you saw exactly what happened, and it will be what the Counsul wants to hear!"

The kids are still friends, but the parents forbid them from seeing each other again. In other news: Mr. Muriel is the ex-lover of Vicente's wife, and thinks that she came back to rekindle their romance. "No, my husband got a job here.".  Maybe he was better looking in the old days.

Scene 3: The Prefect and her friend discuss whether to say that the daughter did it or not.  The Chocolate King is the most popular parent in the school, but the Spanish Counsul!

At home, her bigoted, abusive ex-husband is visiting. There's a problem with their pink-haired son, Antonio: he's been gambling, and owes a lot of people money -- the Mafia!  She doesn't believe him.  They argue about who is the worse parent.  Then Antonio comes in and asks to borrow a little money. They start yelling at him: "I've raised you under the framework of ethics and morality!"

Uh-oh, the Chocolate King arrives in his limo, so Prefect tells them both to go out smiling, as if they're the perfect family.

Scene 4: The Chocolate King wants the Prefect to say that his daughter didn't do it, so she's not stigmatized as a sex offender at age six. 

When the Prefect balks, he gives the back story: Once he was engaged to Mrs. Garcia.  Then he got another girl pregnant, so he had to marry her instead.  She went to Spain, married Counsul Garcia, and now she's back, trying to prove that her husband has a bigger cock.  

"Here's my card. Call me if you have any wish you want me to fulfill.  And believe me, I can fulfill them all."  Whew, this dude is creepy.

Scene 5: The Prefect consults a Tarot card reader, who says that she's not going to make Headmistress. "But a week ago, they said I would make it.  What happened?"  The cards say: "No matter who you decide on, the other parent will try to destroy you."

Pink-Haired Antonio comes in to ask if she's thought about lending him the money. The Prefect: "I'm tired of trying to make you a good person.  I'm done."

"But I'm in danger."

"Tough. I have my own problems."

Scene 6: The second meeting with the parents, where the Prefect has to tell "what really happened."  Her verdict: it was a minor scuffle.  If the girl did it, she had no malicious intent. So we won't do an expulsion, but we'll transfer the boy to another class.

The Counsul is irate: "This is going to reach the King's ears." He means King Felipe VI of Spain.  Are we going to start a war over a testicle-grab?

The parents storm out.  The Headmistress is irate. 

Outside, the Chocolate King wants to know why the Prefect decided the way she did. "It was the right thing to do."  He promises to help her win over the mothers in her quest to become Headmistress: "I'm popular with the mother. I'm handsome, rich, and widowed."  Handsome?  You're a gargoyle, dude.  He's having a party tonight with a lot of mothers.  Maybe she can come?

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.3, Continued: The darkness of roller coasters, hookups, club bulges, and apples. With lots of n*de musclemen

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Modern Family Episode 8.14: Alex is promoted, Cam is injured, and Phil dreams of parking lots. With a dozen gay actors, two short guys, and Fillion butt

 

We've been watching Modern Family, even without Adam Devine as Andy.  Last night's episode was 8.14, "Heavy is the Head" (2017) -- a little dated, but it had a lot of gay representation and beefcake.

The Phil/Jay Plot

Scene 1:  Phil (center) and his father-in-law Jay (right) are at the groundbreaking for his lifelong dream of building his own apartment complex, Dunphy Towers. Corporate guy Jared Cook approaches with an offer to buy the property for 20% more than they paid.  Phil says no, but Jay wants to play with him for a bit and get the offer up.

Left: Jonathan Chase's butt, sexing his boyfriend in Another Gay Movie (2006)

Scene 2: Foreman Pete (Robert Baker, left) found a sewer line running through Phil/Jay's property, so they can't dig the basement of the new apartment building.  Shouldn't they have checked that first?  Plus there are pockets of methane gas everywhere, bursting into flame at random moments.  The project will have to be scrapped.

Scene 3: Phil and Jay approach Jared Cook, the corporate guy who wanted to buy the property, and accept his offer.  Nope, he heard about the structural problems, and the deal is off the table. 

Scene 4: They decide to turn the space into a parking lot.  Problem solved.  Phil announces that this was his dream all along.  Really?

The Claire/Gloria Plot

Scene 1:  Claire has to be careful around her birthday, because her stepmother Gloria (who is the same age) keeps giving her dumb gifts, then complains that she doesn't appreciate them.  This year Gloria is giving her a spa day, which is ridiculous -- she hates that girly stuff.  So she claims that she's too busy.

Scene 2: Claire is the new CEO at her father's company, Pritchet's Closets and Blinds.  Her marketing manager, Ben (the incredibly cute Joe Mande), complains that the workers are going ballistic about the budget cuts.  No overtime pay?  No bagel?

"We didn't have the Christmas sales we expected."  Do people usually put closets under the tree?

"Maybe we could fire someone, like Kenny in the warehouse."

"No, I love him. He makes fun of you."

Claire holds a staff meeting and claims that she's making sacrifices, too,  like flying coach. And she's taking off her office door to indicate that she's always available.

Ulp, when she enters her office, Gloria is there, with a huge gourmet lunch. Now the staff won't believe that she's cutting corners!

Scene 3: While Ben stands guard, Claire rushes through her caviar-and-champaign lunch.  She thinks she's done, but no, Gloria has arranged for the spa to come to the office.  And Claire can't say anything, or Gloria will get hurt feelings. 

When the swishy masseur Joshua (Artie O'Daly) appears, a worker asks who he is.  "Um..he's applying for a job as a forklift operator.  There are lots of gay forklift operators." 

Joshua:  "I'm not gay!"  

Left: Artie O'Daly is gay in real life. He is currently starring in the youtube sitcom Bad Boy, with Blase Maffia III.

Scene 4: The massage, plus a manicure. Claire is starting to unclench, but assistant Ben is having more and more trouble keeping the workers out: "Your girlfriend's office smells like truffles."

"My girlfriend is your boss, and she is not my girlfriend."

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.3: Kelvin topples, Keefe cuddles, and Titus is caged. With bonus semen loads

Previous: Episode 2.2: Kelvin clenches,Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. 

Episode 2.3 explores the darkness at the heart of Eli and Kelvin's empires.  

Title: "For He is a Liar and the Father of Lies." In John 8:44, Jesus complains that the Pharisees are children of the Devil, "for he is a liar and the father of lies."  I wonder who the liar is here.

Four guys in the steam showers:  A montage of the God Squad in their compound outside Kelvin's house, working out with wooden equipment, shaving with an axe, growing crops.  Performers that Kelvin hired would have apartments in town and ordinary social lives, with friends and families.  This is a whole society, a homoerotic alternative to the mundane world of men constrained by wives and children, imprisoned in small square houses "made of ticky tacky."  

In literature and film, the adventure ends with marriage.  The hero is domesticated, exchanging his battles and intrigues for a mortgage and a briefcase, his band of brothers for the Eternal Feminine.  The God Squad offers an escape: "no women allowed," either in the Squad or hanging about outside, hoping to "civilize them."

Kelvin congratulates Keefe on his leadership, then says  "I'll meet you in the steam showers, but bring Titus and Odd Chris.  I could smell them during worship."  Every guy working in the hot sun all day will be pungent; in-universe, he is obviously inviting the other men so he and Keefe can each have a sex partner.  The leaders of many messianic cults require sex with random members.  

No one named Odd Chris appears in the cast list, but Titus will be the first God Squad member to rebel. Interestingly, in the Bible the Apostle Paul set Titus to Corinth to deal with a challenge to his authority.

After Keefe leaves to prepare the orgy, Jesse drops by to reveal his theory that Eli murdered Thaniel Block and the other men.  Kelvin refuses to hear it, and wants to defend Eli's honor.  "You ain't as tough as you think, boy!" Jesse exclaims, putting up his fists.  Then he sees the God Squad preparing to defend Kelvin, and backs off.  Messiah Kelvin has some loyal followers!

Junior Threatens Brock:  We cut to Eli at home, putting his bloody pants from last night into the hamper and watching a news report about the murders. Security guard Brock calls to tell him that Junior wants in.  "Tell him I'm not here." Was Junior his partner in the murders, or did he do the job on his own?

Junior blusters and threatens him, but finally he drives away. You may recall that in Season 1, Scotty flirted with Brock to gain access to the Gemstone compound.  But Junior has moved away from his gay-subtext flirting; he is pure threat. 

The Human Pyramid:  We see the God Squad perform before an audience of teens.  Kelvin introduces the strongest member, Torsten, who dated a "female" in high school before she tried to seduce him, and he had to decide on "his celibacy or his soul."  It is clear that by "celibacy," Kelvin means much more than avoiding sex with women.  You must reject the entire heterosexist trajectory of job, house, wife, and kids, the nuclear family myth, the domestication and civilization threatened by the "female."  The way to salvation lies in the beauty of male bodies, in homoerotic desire unhindered by emotional connection. 

But when they move on to a human pyramid, with Kelvin on top, it topples.  The House of Cards collapses.  Maybe it can't be all about the penis after all.  Keefe behaves like a concerned boyfriend, rushing onto the stage and embracing Kelvin -- to protect him from plummeting musclemen?

Kelvin Wants to Spoon: What follows is very difficult to read. Fans are likely to shake their heads and say WTF?  during their first, second, and third viewing. The showrunners want us to be unsure whether the guys are actually gay, of course, but that's been obvious since Episode 1 to anyone with a basic knowledge of queer codes.  The real question: is Keefe Kelvin's assistant and acolyte, or his romantic partner?  Are they friends with benefits, or are they in love?    

On the surface, it seems easy enough.  Kelvin, in underwear, is looking out the window at the God Squad below. Keefe enters, having drawn him a bath, and tells him that both Liam and Titus were injured in the human pyramid debacle.  Kelvin thinks that it's their own fault for being soft on the fundamentals and skipping leg day.  "Something might have to be done about Titus," he says menacingly, an action-adventure movie villain.  

Keefe: "I completely agree."  Note that he is not an assistant, or his opinion would be irrelevant.  They are equal partners in the God Squad Cult.  "But some of the others have been questioning their place here as well. That's the downside of assembling an entire group of alpha males.  As they grow stronger, they grow more defiant."  The men are not content with being mere objects of desire; they want autonomy and control. 

Kelvin slips off his underwear and hands them to Keefe, who helps him put on his bathrobe -- from behind.   He has to press his body against Kelvin, crotch to butt.  Then he caresses Kelvin's thighs instead of breaking away. It would be much easier from the front.  Why does he go in from the rear?  

When he is finished, Keefe walks over to the mirror, but Kelvin isn't having it, and moves in front of him to get into the butt-to-crotch position again. 

Their gestures and positions are blatantly erotic.  Kelvin is in physical and emotional distress, and wants to be comforted.  In a society where romance is forbidden, this is how lovers cuddle.

"Brother, what's troubling you? " Keefe asks. "Your mind seems dark and black."  It's a secret.  Keefe promises not to tell anyone.

Kelvin turns around to reveal that his Daddy may be a murderer.  Their faces are only a few inches apart, far too close even for lovers, unless they're about to kiss.  One of them must back up to a comfortable conversational distance.  Kelvin is right against the mirror, so it's up to Keefe to back up.  Why doesn't he back up?. 

We see here Keefe struggling with his desire to move the relationship from "erotic partners" to "boyfriends," struggling with his urge to kiss Kelvin. Notice that he says "Are we in trouble?", not "Are you in trouble."  He is not an employee, who could just find another job if the church went down.  They are romantic partners; they are in this together.

Eli lays down the law: In the next scene, Eli notes that Liam (Peter Kaasa), who was injured during the human pyramid stunt, is suing the Gemstones. They don't need another scandal right now. 

He tells Kelvin to "stop acting like a child" and "grow up."  It's time to "put on your big boy pants, and stop playing with your muscular boys."  Kelvin yells "They're muscle men, Daddy," but he has missed the point.

 Eli thinks that Kelvin's erotic play is immature and childish.  Adults can't be all about desire, about doing things behind closed doors; they need connection to the greater society.  His talk omits the usual "find a girl, get married, and have kids" part of the heteronormative litany, since he knows that Kelvin will never relate to a woman in that way.  But he still needs relationships based on love as well as desire.  He needs to be part of a family.  

Sorry, I ran out of space, so Titus will be caged and do the coming in the next section.  But I included a few photos of guys depositing semen loads to put you in the mood. 

Bonus semen loads after the break.  Warning: explicit.