RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: Gemstones Episode 2.2 Kelvin clenches, Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. With proof that everything is bigger in Texas.

Previous: Episode 2.1, Continued: Keefe's kiss, Kelvin's boner, and a thug with broken thumbs. With Jonah Hauer-King and a proper erection bonus

In Episode 2.1, while we establish the Kelvin/Keefe, Judy/BJ, and Jesse/Amber conflicts of the season, Eli's old friend Junior stops by, and acts very much like an ex-lover. They go out to dinner and beat up a tough. Now we see the aftermath.

Title: "After I Leave, Savage Wolves will Come." In Acts 20.29. Paul tells the Ephesians that after he leaves, savage wolves or false teachers will tear the flock apart. So, who is the wolf invading the Gemstones' lives?

Eli Gemstone indicted! Thaniel Block sits on the porch of his rental house in the South Carolina woods, reading some news stories from 1993: Gemstone Family Studios to close due to "a financial and rumors of sexual scandals," with $4 million missing. Another article: "Eli Gemstone indicted on charges of fraud and conspiracy." But Episode 2.5 takes place at Christmas 1993. When did all this happen? Geezer Tim drops by to criticize him for living in New York and having a "nasty attitude."

A Hot Piece of Tail: Judy and BJ visit Eli to ask him to officiate in BJ's baptism. They find him asleep on the couch in the parlor. Junior enters and asks "Who's this hot piece of tail?" He's actually looking at BJ, but Eli assumes that he means Judy and says that she is his daughter. He apologizes and asks if BJ is her lesbian partner. BJ starts to answer, but Judy cuts him off: "He's big-dicking you."

There are several takeaways here. First, Eli and Junior did not sleep together; Eli fell asleep on the couch. Weren't there any guest rooms in his mansion?

Second, check out Junior's magenta bathrobe, jaunty hand on him, and pinky ring: he is deliberately presenting as queer.

Third, Eli may have mentioned that one of his children is gay, and Junior forgot which.

Execretions and Hep C Loads: After Junior heads to the kitchen to make coffee, Judy wants to know what's going on. Eli tells her that "things got a little carried away last night," which she interprets to mean that they are having rough sex. He grimaces in disgust, but plays along to mess with her.

Her main criticism is that Junior is unattractive: "I always hoped that if you were gonna yank a pole, it would be someone hot." So Judy has considered the possibility that Eli is bisexual for a long time.

She states that the "hookup" signifies that Eli doesn't care about his family. Remember that Jesse likewise complains that Kelvin "popping boners" with the muscle men is "selfish, not helping the family." But it's not just gay sex; on this show, having a partner of any sort is framed as a betrayal. The family is aghast when Judy wants to move off the Compound with BJ; Baby Billy is still hurt over his sister Aimee-Leigh "leaving him" to marry Eli.

As they storm out, Judy cautions BJ to not touch anything, as there are probably execretions and Hep C loads everywhere. This is a call back to Abraham leaving his semen everywhere in Jesse's house, plus an awareness that Hepatitus C can easily spread through anal sex, so it is particularly common in gay communities.

Good Sniffer Seats: After they leave, Eli joins Junior on the back patio, overlooking the reflecting pool that leads to Aimee-Leigh's shrine. Eli invites him to church, but he worries about the cost. Junior avers that he's been to enough strip joints to know that you have to pay for the "good sniffer seats." I can't find the term "sniffer seat" defined anywhere, but I guess that it's a seat close enough to the stage to smell the performers. There are male strip clubs, but he's probably referencing a lady's club, being a hetero horn dog, backing off from the implication of same-sex activity.

But not entirely: Eli offers to reserve a good seat for him, and the guys hold hands!

On closer examination, it turns out to be a man and a woman holding hands. We have cut to a scene involving Jesse and Amber's marital advice group. But it is so abrupt that the misdirection must be intentional. The man is even wearing a shirt the same color as Junior's robe.

After the group meeting, Matthew and Chad ask why Jesse's old crew isn't hanging out together anymore. This is all marital stuff, heterosexual nuclear family stuff; what happened to the band of brothers, savage and free? Gregory explains; "I love you guys, but happy wife, happy life." You must abandon same-sex loves for heterosexual destiny.

You Got a Hound Dog Here: Cut to Thaniel visiting the Salvation Center, where he admits that he has sexual-scandal dirt on Aimee-Leigh, gathered from household staff. Well, at least Kelvin is off the hook.

The World's Most Famous Christian: Next, Jesse and Amber visit the Lissons in Texas for a party to celebrate the proposed Zion's Landing resort. Joe Jonas, the World's Most Famous Christian, leads everyone in a line dance. He proclaims his heterosexuality, singing about the "beautiful girls" he's been with while wearing a formless leopard robe and pink bandana, the antithesis of Kelvin's tiger jacket and porn-star-bulging jeans. Desire for women un-mans a man, renderng him soft and sickly; only in the manly love of comrads can a man be strong and free.

Keefe dances: At church, they welcome those who have found God in the past month, including BJ. He has always been a non-believer before; it is unclear whether he has actually had a "born again" experience, or is just pretending to be accepted by the family.

The welcome is framed as a heterosexual union, with Judy hugging BJ and Kelvin grudgingly hugging a female convert. He's disgusted by touching "females," even as part of his job. Meanwhile, on a balcony far removed from the stage, Keefe leads the God Squad in a dance, invisible, ignored, forever cut off from heterosexual practice, forever cut off from the family.

Nude Texas dudes after the break

Next the family's Sunday dinner at Jason's Steak House. Amber wears a low-cut dress to incite Eli's interest so he'll agree to lend them the money. Girl, that's your father-in-law!

The siblings don't like Junior: he is boorish, lecherous, and gluttonous, and he praises the church as a great moneymaking scam: "It's performance art, just like wrestling. You never break kayfave (act like the performance is real)."

Eli is worried that Thaniel, sniffing around, will find something worse than the alleged sexual indiscretions of his dead wife. Jesse wants to beat him up, and Judy wants to seduce him, but Eli wants to ignore him. Kelvin disagrees: "Ignoring things is not how you deal with them in the social media age. You got to own them." Whoa, gay in-joke: so says the guy who's been ignoring his feelings for Keefe all season.

Junior's idea: Deal with him like in the old days. What about the old days? Judy suggests: "Slapping buttholes, sucking dicks." Eli yells "Enough!' He doesn't want to think about the old days...of oral and anal sex?

Clench your asshole in the car, boy: That night the siblings drive to Thaniel's house to try to convince him to back off. Kelvin refuses to go inside. "Clench your asshole in the car, boy!" Judy jibes.

Usually you clench your butt in fear. Judy says "asshole" to be more vulgar, and also to imply that Kelvin may have a looser-than-average butt due to being an anal bottom.

While waiting in the car, Kelvin sees smoke, and investigates: a lot of smoking, burnt bodies! He rushes into the house, where Jesse and Judy are slipping all over a pool of blood from Thaniel's corpse!

They return to Eli's house and try to wash off the blood in his fountain. Or you could go back to your own houses and change. Eli and Martin drive up after "doing some business." There is blood all over Eli's pants. Did he murder Thaniel and the other men? Or maybe it was Junior? Or Geezer Tim? The end.

Everything's bigger in Texas: bonus nude Texas dudes.