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We've been watching Modern Family, even without Adam Devine as Andy. Last night's episode was 8.14, "Heavy is the Head" (2017) -- a little dated, but it had a lot of gay representation and beefcake.
The Phil/Jay Plot
Scene 1: Phil (center) and his father-in-law Jay (right) are at the groundbreaking for his lifelong dream of building his own apartment complex, Dunphy Towers. Corporate guy Jared Cook approaches with an offer to buy the property for 20% more than they paid. Phil says no, but Jay wants to play with him for a bit and get the offer up.
Left: Jonathan Chase's butt, sexing his boyfriend in Another Gay Movie (2006)
Scene 2: Foreman Pete (Robert Baker, left) found a sewer line running through Phil/Jay's property, so they can't dig the basement of the new apartment building. Shouldn't they have checked that first? Plus there are pockets of methane gas everywhere, bursting into flame at random moments. The project will have to be scrapped.
Scene 3: Phil and Jay approach Jared Cook, the corporate guy who wanted to buy the property, and accept his offer. Nope, he heard about the structural problems, and the deal is off the table.
Scene 4: They decide to turn the space into a parking lot. Problem solved. Phil announces that this was his dream all along. Really?
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Scene 1: Claire has to be careful around her birthday, because her stepmother Gloria (who is the same age) keeps giving her dumb gifts, then complains that she doesn't appreciate them. This year Gloria is giving her a spa day, which is ridiculous -- she hates that girly stuff. So she claims that she's too busy.
Scene 2: Claire is the new CEO at her father's company, Pritchet's Closets and Blinds. Her marketing manager, Ben (the incredibly cute Joe Mande), complains that the workers are going ballistic about the budget cuts. No overtime pay? No bagel?
"We didn't have the Christmas sales we expected." Do people usually put closets under the tree?
"Maybe we could fire someone, like Kenny in the warehouse."
"No, I love him. He makes fun of you."
Claire holds a staff meeting and claims that she's making sacrifices, too, like flying coach. And she's taking off her office door to indicate that she's always available.
Ulp, when she enters her office, Gloria is there, with a huge gourmet lunch. Now the staff won't believe that she's cutting corners!
Scene 3: While Ben stands guard, Claire rushes through her caviar-and-champaign lunch. She thinks she's done, but no, Gloria has arranged for the spa to come to the office. And Claire can't say anything, or Gloria will get hurt feelings.
When the swishy masseur Joshua (Artie O'Daly) appears, a worker asks who he is. "Um..he's applying for a job as a forklift operator. There are lots of gay forklift operators."
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Joshua: "I'm not gay!"
Left: Artie O'Daly is gay in real life. He is currently starring in the gay sitcom Bad Boy, with Blase Maffia III.
Scene 4: The massage, plus a manicure. Claire is starting to unclench, but assistant Ben is having more and more trouble keeping the workers out: "Your girlfriend's office smells like truffles."
"My girlfriend is your boss, and she is not my girlfriend."
More after the break
They burst in, see everything, and start growling, but Gloria shouts them down. "How long have I known you people? Dom, Kenny, Josie, and...um..." Running gag: Gloria never remembers Ben's name.
Left: Dom is played by gay actor Kasey Mahaffy.
The gist of her tirade: Gloria works 24/7 for them. She never sleeps or eats, or pays attention to her personal hygiene-- that's why she's such a hideous monstrosity! She deserves a chance to look normal again!
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The Cam/Mitchell Plot
Scene 1: Cam and his daughter Lily are constructing a complex Rube Goldberg device for her science project. His husband Mitchell enters.
"Aw, you started without me?"
"Yeah, we wanted something that works."
They continue to insult each other. Suddenly the device implodes, and Cam is hit in the head several times. Cartoon violence!
Scene 2: At the hospital, the doctor orders Cam to get an MRI. Problem:he is claustrophobic, dating from when he was a kid and trapped in a well (on the same day as Baby Jessica).
"It's bigger than it looks," Bobby the incredibly cute technician tells him.
"I have three funny comebacks to that," Cam notes. Well, let's hear them.
Bobby is played by gay-in-real-life Jared Gertner, star of The Book of Mormon.
Mitchell climbs in to show his husband that it's ok, but gets spooked and runs away.
Scene 3: Maybe a podcast would take his mind off it? But it's a podcast about a dog searching for his owner, who was buried alive for 18 days. Not the best topic.
Cam runs up to the roof. Mitchell follows, and convinces him to get the MRI so he'll be alive to raise their daughter.
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Scene 4: Mitchell is not allowed in the room during the procedure, but he invents a Rube Goldberg device to rub Cam's feet and keep him calm.
"You're a good husband," Bobby tells him.
"And if the MRI shows that you're ok, you can suck it, because this mechanically-challenged daddy invented this device by himself." Harsh, buddy.
Scene 1: Claire's daughter Alex is taking time off from studying super-science at a super-elite college to work in a coffee shop, where her coworkers, including the gay-in-real-life Tory Devon Smith, invite her to a party. This is the first time that the introverted, highly judgmental Alex has had friends.
Whoops, the new schedule gives them double shifts. No party!
Scene 2: Alex complains to the manager about schedule changes without consulting the workers, and he is so impressed that he makes her assistant manager. But now her coworkers shun her, believing that as management she is the enemy.
Scene 3: She tells the manager that she doesn't want the job; the extra authority is alienating her from her friends. He is so impressed that he quits to pursue his dream of being "the best damn speed-metal drummer in the Inland Empire." Thus making her manager!
The Haley Plot
Claire's daughter Haley asks her "uncle" Manny to teach her about the tv series Game of Thrones, so she can impress her boyfriend, weatherman Rainer Shine (Nathan Fillion). Turns out she is into it.
Beefcake: Two short guys! There are some tall ones, too, if you're into that sort of thing.
Heterosexism: Not in this episode.
Gay Characters: Mitchell and Cam. It seems that most of the actors in the supporting cast are gay, but no one says anything about the characters (except Joshua's swishy "I'm not gay!").
My Grade: Two plotlines about the problems of leadership ("heavy lies the head that wears the crown"), Phil/Jay and Gloria/Claire relationship problems, and Mitch/Cam being snarky as usual. They don't hang together well. But two short guys: B
Drunk History Episode 3.13: Adam and Blake, sweet kisses, and Nathan Fillion's butt
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