Miles Heizer: Gay and nearly-gay roles, a real-life girlfriend and several boyfriends, plus a penis and Guy's Bar

I am certainly going to visit a bar full of  guys, even if it's spelled wrong.

Or is Guy the owner, so it's Guy's bar?

I'm going either weay, but I'm not sure if Miles Heizer wants to come along.

You probably remember Miles from Parenthood (2010-2015), the sitcom with Craig T. Nelson and his four children and eight grandchildren.  It was like Modern Family without the diversity.  Miles played grandson Drew Holt: shy, sensitive, artistic, but still girl-crazy, with several girlfriends fighting over him.

The Greenville, Kentucky native was born in 1994, and began acting in 2005, with many guest spots before Parenthood, plus Rails & Ties (2007), about a young boy who survives a catastrophic train crash, and Rudderless (2014), about a father grieving over his dead son.

He had some gay-positive roles after Parenthood.

In Love, Simon (2018), he plays Cal, who the closeted Simon mistakenly identifies as Blue, another closeted teen who posts about his experiences online.  Cal is not, but he offers an ear if Simon wants to talk, suggesting that he may be bisexual, or at least an ally.

In 13 Reasons Why (2017-20), which spends three seasons explaining why a high school girl killed herself, Miles plays Alex Standell, who kisses his boyfriend Timothy Granaderos, after they are named prom kings, and everyone in the school applauds. 

He also gives us a n*de scene.  Wait, that's a woman you're on top of.  What gives?

According to Wikipedia, he dates Jessica in Seasons 1-3, then Winston Williams (Deaken Bluman) and Charlie St. George (Tyler Barnhart) in Season 4. 

Wait -- AZ Nude Men says that Miles is  kissing Timothy Granaderos (left), but the fan wiki says Charlie St. George.  Granaderos plays Montgomery de la Cruz, a series antagonist who hooks up with guys, but isn't actually gay. 

Take your pick.  

After 13 Reasons, Miles appeared in two podcast series, Undertow: Narcosis and The Sisters.

He also starred in The Ex-Husbands (2023): a Manhattan dentist (Griffin Dunne of American Werewolf in London gets dumped by his wife, so he flies out to Tulum to crash his son's bachelor party. Whoops, that son gets dumped, too. Miles plays another brother, who is gay and therefore doesn't have to worry about marriage (um...gay marriage happens?)

It gets weird after the break

"Superman" (2025): You'll believe a man can queerbait

 

I don't usually review movies that are playing in theaters, but we just saw Superman (2025).  I went in with an internet full of complaints about "wokeness," so I expected a lot of LGBTQ representation.  Here's what I got:

The Wokeness: There are some nonwhite people around.  Big deal.

The Plot: The tyrannical leader of Boravia (mostly Russia, a little Israel) wants to invade neighboring Jarhanpur (mostly Palestine, a little Ukraine), and promises to make Lex Luthor  (Nicholas Hoult, left) king of half the country if he helps.  So he sells them $80 billion in arms for cheap. 

But Lex's main goal is to discredit and hopefully kill Superman (David Corenswet), because he doesn't like aliens, because he's envious of Supe's popularity, because...well, even he isn't sure. He's a movie villain, it's his job.  

Lex has a vast number of high-tech resources to help with the discrediting/murder:

1. The Engineer, who can fill your lungs with nanobots so you suffocate.

2. A prison in an unstable pocket universe, where he keeps political prisoners and people who criticized him on social media.

3. An interdimensional rift that can take down whole cities.

4. A lot of Superman clones.

5. Super-genius employees played by Terence Rosemore and Stephen Blackehart.

6. A monstrous kanju that grows to Godzilla-size and breathes fire.

Left: Blackehart's d*ck

7. The message that Jor-El and Lara sent along from Krypton. Supe always thought that they asked him to help the people of Earth, but they actually told him to rule Earth, and massacre anyone who resisted.  This is real, not fake, and when it gets into the media, people reject poor Supe.  Why do they care about the career his parents planned for him?  My parents wanted me to work in the factory.  

Supe has a number of allies this time around:

1. Food cart guy Malik Ali (Dinesh Thyagarajan), who jumps into a crater to help the injured superhero. Lex kidnaps him.

2. Krypto the Superdog.  Lex kidnaps him, too.  Spoiler alert: The dog doesn't die.

More after the break

Matt Cornett: "Bella and the Bulldogs" and "High School Musical" alum shows his d*ck . With gratuitous Buddy Keaton

Several years ago, I reviewed the Nickelodeon teencom Bella and the Bulldogs (2015-16), about a girl on the previously all-boy football team.  The premise sounded like a critique of gender polarization, acknowledging that sometimes boys like to cook and date other boys, but, at least in the episode I watched, there were no queer codes at all. Even  the obviously gay boy had a crush on a girl.

Now I'm profiling some former Nickelodeon/Disney teencom stars who informed our childhoods.  Should I go with the Bella cast member who is gay but has no adult videos online, or the one who is straight but shows us his stuff?

Buddy Keaton (née Handleson), the gay guy, played Newt Van der Rohe, a geek with an unrequited crush on the geek-hating Sophie.  Eventually she warms up to him.

I believe that the expression is "woof!," not "bark!"

Matt Cornett, the straight guy, played Zach Barnes, a player from a rival team who invited Bella to the homecoming dance, but uninvited her when his teammates disapproved (Two houses, both alike in dignity....).   After a few more "are they or aren't they?" episodes, they kiss.

Ok, Buddy with just some beefcake, or Matt with the Full Monty?

That's what I thought.

After Bella, Matt Cornett did the guest-spot circuit, playing girls' crushes (in Speechless, Game Shakers, and The Goldbergs), a girl's boyfriend (in Life in Pieces), a girl's friend (in the Middle), and for a change of pace, a bully murdered by one of his victims in Criminal Minds 

Also A-Lan in Disney's Zombies 3, which adds aliens to the already crowded world of zombies and werewolves.  He is dating the female alien A-Li.

But Matt is best known as jock-turned-thesbian E. J. Caswell in High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (2019-23).  The rationale for the clunky name: it's a tv series about high school students putting on the musical based on the movie High School Musical (which starred Zac Efron as the jock-turned-thesbian). 

In later seasons, they put on musicals based on the Disney films Beauty and the Beast, Frozen, and High School Musical 3: Senior Year.

Anxious to get to Matt's junk?  After the break.  Caution: Explicit

Gemstones Episode 4.4, Continued: Keefe in drag, Pontius with four dicks, Jasper with one, and Casper the Friendly Ghost

 

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.4: Gideon is gay, Jesse jealous, and Kelvin scared.  Plus a Big Dick and a play within a play

In the first part of Episode 4.4, the family gathers at the lake house Galilee Gulch, where Jesse and Kelvin hatch schemes to break up their father and his new girlfriend.  We see some attempts to break them up, some d*cks and beefcake, a cute Kelvin-Keefe scene, and hints that both Gideon and Abraham are gay.  Pontius next.

I forgot to post this photo of Tony in the swimming pool scene, bulge at the ready. 

And this one of BJ and the nephews hanging out, with the cute attendant in the background (still can't find him on the IMDB).  Abraham is shirtless, but only 16, not old enough to be a hunk.  Maybe a hunkoid.

BJ is angry because he spilled his drink.    

I

Judy's Breakup Plan:  Jesse and Kelvin have failed in their attempts to break up Eli and Lori, so Judy decides to use her "super power": the ability to incite the erotic interest of anybody.  She goes to Lori's room and tries to seduce her.  Lori just stands there.

Left: I didn't want to illustrate the scene with pics of Lori and Judy, so here's a Daddy by the pool.

Next she offers $500,000 to get gone. Lori sneers. "If I was in it for the money, why wouldn't I stick around for a lot more?"  

Ok, so Judy orders her to break up with Eli, or she'll claim that Lori tried to rape her.  

Lori glares at her. "Are we done?" 

Takeaway: Judy wouldn't know that her seduction technique works on women unless she's tried it out.  Add her to the ever-growing list of bi/pan Gemstones. 

Keefe in Drag: Saturday night.  In bed, Kelvin is distraught over the continuance of the Eli/Lori romance.  Keefe asks if he can do anything to help: "Not unless you can bring my dead Mama back to life." The episode title is about Jesus rising from the dead, and the siblings worship their Mama, so....

Keefe decides on the next best thing:  dress-me-ups.  He puts on one of Aimee-Leigh's dresses, her wig, her glasses, and some makeup (wait -- where did he get makeup?),  goes to Eli's room, and tries to haunt him: "I'm the ghost of your dead wife. Break up with Lori."  

Eli doesn't respond, so Keefe crawls on top of him and starts singing Aimee-Leigh's signature song, "Misbehavin'"

 

Suddenly Eli and Lori awaken; everyone screams.  Keefe rushes out and falls down the staircase into the parlor whereupon the Nanny, thinking that he is an intruder, pulverizes him.  

"Who are you?" she shouts.

"I'm just a ghost -- a friendly ghost."

First he consorted with Hot Stuff, the Little Devil, and now he's Casper the Friendly Ghost.

More after the break

Matthew Underwood: The "Zoey 101" It-Boy Logan plays himself again and again...and again, posts dick pics. With bonus Noah Beck

 

The internet was all agog over pictures of Matthew Underwood's penis.  I wasn't impressed.  First, the guy doens't even show his face.  Second, he rubs me the wrong way.  I can't quite remember how.

Oh, yeah.  It's that annoying smugness.  It's one thing to be heterosexual -- lots of guys are.  It's another to brag about it.  "I'm so entirely heterosexual, I'm the most heterosexual of all heterosexuals, I can heterosexualize anywhere, anytime.  Every girl wants to be with me, and every guy wants to be me."

It's not just his character: this photo came directly from Matt's Instagram, posted in 2025.

Born in "The Sunshsine State of Florida" in 1990, Matt began acting at the age of eight, and appeared on screen in some guest spots before hitting paydirt in Zoey 101 (2005-08).

Zoey (Jamie Lynn Spears) and her brother Dustin (Paul Butcher) are students at the prestigious Pacific Coast Academy, filmed on location in Malibu instead of on a sound stage.  Her coterie includes:

1. Logan (Matthew Underwood),  the fabulously wealthy son of a famous actor, an it-boy who is basking in the absurdly exaggerated longing of every girl who sees him.  Eventually he settles down with the nerd Quinn (see, looks aren't everything).

2. Chase (Sean Flynn, left), in love with Zoey but trapped in the "friend zone."  Eventually, she realizes that she is in love with him, but then she leaves him again.

2. Michael (Christopher Massey, right), mostly in charge of advising Chase to admit his feelings, although he eventually gets a girlfriend of his own.

Matt reveals that just after Zoey, when he was 19, he was sexually harassed and then assaulted by his agent. The trauma prompted him to move away from Los Angeles and retire from acting.

He returned in 2017 to direct and star in two tv pilots with Sean Flynn, playing themselves: The Magic Studio, about kids who find magic rings, and The Golden Stars, about missing award statues. 

And some shorts: Time Hoppers (2018), Matt and Sebastian Cabanas in silly costumes.

The Alien (2019): Matt (playing himself) and some girls meet a classic grey.

The Unicorn Sisters (2019): Matt helps some grieving girls write poetry. 

Kind of full of yourself, aren't you, Matt?

He appears with some girls in Remi (2021) and with the entire Zoey gang in the Jamie Spears music video Follow Me (2020).

Noah Beck plays an alternative Logan.  No, I don't think that the penis is real.

Matt returned to the Zoey universe in Zoey 102 (2023): A struggling 32 year old film producer, Zoey is asked to be maid of honor at Quinn and Logan's wedding.  It took them 14 years to get married?  She also resolves her feelings for Chase.  After 14 years, he's moved on, girlfriend.

Matt's social media is mostly generic, landscapes, weird jokes, boating, pictures taken with the Zoey gang. He is currently single, his last heterosexual relationship (that he told fans about) in 2015. 

Ready for the cock pics?  #1: Impressive size, but the physique is nondescript, and dude doesn't even show his face.

#2: Full arousal.  This must be from a different session, since he's wearing pants.

3. I censored a silly emoji.

Not bad, but I'd rather see Noah Beck's abs.

See also:  Shane Harper: the "Good Luck Charlie" and "God's Not Dead" guy shows his dick surprisingly often

Nathan Kress, Freddie from ICarly, grown up. Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his dick?

"Malibu Rescue": Ricardo Hurtado hits the beach for a retro 1980s nerd-jock battle, with bonus lifeguard photos

Billy Howle: A serious actor, crazy cute, with frequent nude scenes. Do you need anything else? With bonus Tommy Knight d*ck

I've reviewed two tv series starring British actor Billy Howle (not Howlie), and two things about him stand out:

1. He is crazy cute.  What we used to call dreamy, the sort of guy who elicits fantasies of holding hands in the moonlight rather than going downtown.

 

2. Speaking of going downtown, he is not shy about displaying his rather impressive penis on screen.

I always ask two questions in these profiles.

1. Is he gay in real life?

Billy has no social media presence, but various interviews note that he is in a long-term relationship with a lady.  He could be bisexual or gay-and-closeted, but for now we'll call him straight. 

2. Has he played any gay characters?

This one will take some research.  We'll start with his bio.  

Billy was born in Stoke-on-Trent in the Midlands, about an hour from Birmingham, son of a college professor and a "schoolteacher."  He graduated from the Bristol Old Vic Theater School in 2013.  His theatrical credits include:

The Ibsen play Ghosts (2015), which is about religion, free love, and incest, not about ghosts.  We had to read Ibsen in college.  Ugh.

Eugene O'Neill's A Long Day's Journey into Night (2016).  We had to read O'Neill, too.  Double ugh.

Hamlet (2022).  Maybe a gay subtext between the Prince and Mercutio.

Dear Octopus (2024), which is about a large, suffocating family, not an octopus.  At least it's not Ionesco.

John Osborne's Look Back in Anger (2024) about marital problems.

No significant gay content, I'm afraid, and pretentiousness as the summum bonum.  

Next, Billy's on-screen roles.  He has 21 acting credits on the IMDB.  A  mostly pretentious lot, with only one science fiction movie and not a whiff of comedy.  I'll check the projects that I've reviewed already, those listed as "known for," and those with nudity.

Already Reviewed:

The Perfect Couple (2024).  When the Maid of Honor is murdered on the night before the wedding, everyone is a suspect, including the Bride and Groom.  Billy plays the Groom's brother, who has a girlfriend. 

Under the Banner of Heaven (2022). Lapsed Mormon Allen (Billy) is accused of murdering his wife and baby, but he says that his fundamentalist family did it to punish her for wanting a career and being uppity. 

More after the break

Bobby and Jake Cannavale: Nude photos of the father and son, not in prison or the Mafia, but sometimes gay

 

In the prison drama Oz, lawyer Tobias Beecher (Lee Tergesen) is sentenced to prison for a drunk driving.  He starts a romantic/sadistic relationship with the violent Chris Keller (Bobby Cannavale).  It's a homophobic portrayal, tawdry and sinister, juxtaposed with the bright, shiny innocent image of Tobias going on a picnic with his wife.  After he is released, Tobias wants to visit Keller, but Keller refuses: go back to your normal heterosexual life, and forget about the nasty stuff you did here.

Wait -- according to the Oz wiki, Keller is played by Christopher Meloni, not Bobby Cannavale

Ok, let's try again.  On The Sopranos, Mafia boss Jackie Aprile tries to get his son Jackie Aprile, Jr. (Bobby Cannavale) interested in the family business, but the boy would rather go to college.  He gradually drifts into crime with his gay-subtext buddy Dino, and...wait -- according to the Sopranos wiki, Jackie Jr. is played by Jason Cerbone, not Bobby Cannavale. 

So who the heck is Bobby Cannavale?

He has 124 acting credits on the IMDB, including regular roles on Nurse Jackie, Boardwalk Empire, Vinyl, Will and Grace, Angie Tribeca, Mr. Robot, Homecoming, Nine Perfect Strangers. and The Watcher. 

I've only seen him as Will's boyfriend on Will and Grace.  But apparently I mistook a lot of other actors for him.  I was going to write about his many gay characters, but I'm not familiar with any but Will's boyfriend.  Let's just skip to the dicks.

In Boardwalk Empire (2010), Bobby plays Gyp Rossetti, a Sicilian gangster who gets naked while killing a woman. 

He shows his butt in Win Win, a "sports comedy"

More dick after the break