Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.3, Continued: Vance is homophobic, Jesse is sad, and Kelvin is doomed. With Ryan, Vance, and Hamlet d*cks
Welcome to Galilee Gulch. Baby Billy water-skiing naked, extensive shots of his dong and butt that made some viewers mad. "Why we got to see that? Why can't we see Amber's stuff? Every man on Earth, without exception, loves looking at breasts!" Um...you've heard about gay men, right?
Then the Gemstones and Milsaps arrive at Galilee Gulch, a huge "lake house" on Lake Marion, about an hour north of Charleston. Coincidentally, the house where they filmed is owned by a gay couple.
Pontius complains; Gideon tells him to not disrespect the lake house, and makes him carry a bag. He says "Get a life, you dork!" Abraham agrees: "Such a little ass-kiss." Abraham has only two lines this season, both about butts. Got something on your mind, Buddy?
Some cute attendants, who aren't in the cast list, take care of the wheelchair-using BJ, who complains that the whole place is inaccessible. He'll be constantly complaining about everything through the episode.
Keefe wants to go waterskiing naked, like Uncle Baby Billy, but Kelvin doesn't want to hang dong with his uncle. Then he forces Keefe to carry the gigantic trunk full of shoes into the house. That's no way to treat your partner, buddy. At least he calls Keefe "Sweetheart."
The Breakup Plan: Uncle Baby Billy disapproves of the Eli-Lori relationship -- we aren't told why, but maybe he knows something from Lori's past -- and pushes the siblings into a plan to break them up. The siblings point out that they arranged this weekend retreat because the lake house is full of Aimee-Leigh's things, and will certainly cause Eli to feel guilty about "abandoning Mama." Maybe they can push things along.
They tell the staff to leave Aimee-Leigh's clothes in Eli's bedroom. Angry, he calls "the help" and has them all moved into Kelvin and Keefe's room.
Kelvin is pretending to read the complete works of William Shakespeare. Another clue that we're in the middle of Hamlet.
To refresh your memory: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, uses a "play within a play" to reveal that his mother and uncle, Gertrude and Claudius, murdered his father the King and stole his throne. He kills his trusted advisor; his girlfriend commits suicide; Gertrude is poisoned; he kills Claudius, then dies himself. "The rest is silence."
The New Nanny: Baby Billy is being nasty to his wife and children ("Get them out of here!"), and expresses his hatred for the butch Germanic nanny, Sola (Kirsten Schultze). So why not fire her?
Gideon is Gay: Friday dinner. Kelvin, Keefe, Abraham, and BJ are playing blackjack, the others sitting around a kitchen island. Jesse gets jealous because Gideon is sitting next to Eli, and they shared a joke.
Jesse is treating Gideon as a romantic partner who is cheating on him. That is not really happening, of course, but it is heavily implied that Gideon is gay, for the first time since Season 1. There are queer codes about Pontius and Abraham, too. It's starting to look like Jesse has three gay sons.
Corey apologizes for his reaction to Eli/Lori, and brings in 100 pounds of barbecued pork.
More after the break.
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Jesse's Breakup Plan: After dinner, Keefe goes swimming (distant beefcake shot), and the others hang out or play cornhole. Corey thinks that Eli is good for his Mama, better than Big Dick Mitch at the Benz dealership, who she used to date, or is still dating -- he's not sure.
Left: Muscle guy from Munich.
Jesse can use this! He rushes over to Eli and Lori and brings up Big Dick Mitch in "casual conversation." Eli gets upset and storms away.
Later, in the bedroom, Lori claims that she doesn't know where Jesse got that idea. She only dated Mitch twice; they had no chemistry. Then how does Corey know about the size of his dick? They discuss whether to keep it casual, allow dating other people, or "go steady." Go steady it is.
Dress-Me-Ups: The staff has moved Aimee-Leigh's clothes into Kelvin and Keefe's bedroom! Kelvin shoves them into a closet, and then joins Keefe to cuddle on the bed.
Keefe is reading an obscure comic book called The Zero Patrol, from 1984. Only two issues were published. The hero is telling someone named Dedalus that "The Princess is still mine." Daedalus was Keefe's Satanist friend in Season 1; maybe we're looking at Keefe's attempt to protect Kelvin from the Darkness. Or maybe the prop master just grabbed something that had a muscleman on the cover and wasn't Marvel or DC.
He sets the comic aside so they can watch Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), the scene where psycho-killer Jason is shown worshipping the mummified head of his dead mother. A parallel to the siblings' worship of Aimee-Leigh. Kelvin gets scared and buries his head into Keefe's crotch (dude, are you scared or horny?), but Keefe assures him that "she's just doing dress-me-ups."
The movie also has a parallel to the Gemstones in the character Mark Jarvis (Tom McBride, no relation to Danny McBride), who uses a wheelchair. The actor was gay in real life, and did some n*de modeling during the 1980s. He died of AIDS in 1995.
Jesse thrusts: Down in the rec room, Amber is happy to see Gideon interacting with his brothers, and Jesse again gets jealous. Dude, he's just not into you anymore. Time to move on.
Complaining about Eli/Lori, Jesse asks if Amber would mind if he started dating one of her close friends after she died. He describes the act in lurid detail, thrusting aggressively as he imagines his father doing it.
Like a Hallmark Movie: Saturday morning. The Nanny practices her kung-fu. Baby Billy berates her again.Cut to a montage of everyone water-skiing, while BJ looks on, angry.
Later, the siblings discuss Lori and Eli again. Amber thinks it's like a Hallmark movie: two old friends fall in love. Jesse berates her and insults her knowledge of movies.
So far Jesse, Judy, Baby Billy, and Corey have berated and yelled at their partners. These relationships are doomed.
Kelvin's Breakup Plan: The family gathers for a performance. Keefe is waving at the stage with a toy dinosaur, a shot which appeared in the trailer, making fans think that he and Kelvin had kids. No, he's waving at Kelvin. Why is a 40-year old man holding a toy dinosaur?
In a parallel to the play "wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king" in Hamlet, the siblings sing -- badly --about how Mama is in the house, judging everyone, disapproving of the "betrayal." Eli storms off. Feeling guilty, Claudius?
Next: Gemstone Episode 4.4, Continued: Keefe in drag, Pontius with three d*cks, Jasper with one, and Casper the Friendly Ghost
Left: Bonus Kiel cock.
See also:
Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon's Bacon: With Billy Crudup and Mickey Rourke
Kelton's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 4: Birthday biceps, bare bums, rugger dicks, and brothers for life.
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