Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts

Good Cop/Bad Cop: A brother-sister cop team, a high school jock with a dark secret, a self-important actor with a tree-trunk

 


Good Cop/Bad Cop dropped on Amazon Prime, but instead of the "you're arrogant!"  will-they-or-won't-they hetero-duo investigating the murder, it's a brother and sister.  So maybe one of them will be gay.  I'm reviewing Episode 1.3, about a high school quarterback's murder, which leads to "dark secrets" being revealed.  "Dark secrets" often involve being gay, so that's two gay prospects.

Scene 1:  Eden Vale Town Square, October 11th. The team, Henry (Luke Cook, left and below), his sister, and an elderly guy named Glen (Robert Coleby), investigates a body -- brought from somewhere else for them to find. Psych!  It's a first aid dummy, sent by rival high school football team Birch Creek to taunt the home team, Eden Vale. 

"Not exactly 'The Case of the Speckled Band,'" Henry says, but they aren't familiar with Sherlock Holmes. Sister Lou wants to discuss the prospects of the Eden Vale high school football team -- they just got a new QB (quarter back) in from Texas, so he's bound to be great.  Do people other than students and parents follow high school football?

Henry isn't interested in sports.  She scoffs. "No wonder you sat by yourself at lunch."  Lack of interest in sports is a queer code.

Then she wants to race him to the police station, but he refuses.  So they're the unrestrained id and overcautious superego pair of most buddy comedies.


Scene 2:
 A restaurant called The Old Place.  As they drink Coca-Cola from bottles, Chubby Guy (Dan Illic) asks the Hired Muscle (either Tyler Coppin or Jack Ellis), "Do you come here often?" Outdated pickup line, buddy.  

Chubby Guy brought a photo of the new high school QB, Jake Wilson -- "I want him gone -- not dead, just gone." The bad guy is sneezing.  This will become important later.

Cut to the cheerleaders (got to meet that heterosexual male gaze) and then the team practicing. QB takes off his helmet, to the girls gawking.  His teammate found a photo taked to his locker: he is asleep in bed (nice beefcake), with the note: "Leave town, or you'll sleep forever!" Isn't the town he lives in up to his parents?

"It's nothing, just a bad joke."


QB is played by Alex Champion De Crespigny, who is not a 17th century nobleman in the court of the Sun King. According to his aggressivly self-congratulatory profile on the IMDB, he started his career as the most successful journalist in Australia before studying at NIDA and becoming the most famous Australian actor since Hugh Jackman.  




He has seven acting credits listed on the IMDB, all in tv series that became massive hits due to his massive ego...um, I mean talent.  He's also a writer, director, producer, model, superhero, and demigod, and he has a 10 inch dick.

Scene 3: An elderly woman says in Russian ,"If I can't dance, I'd rather be dead!"  She's quoting her ballet instructor as she preps the dancers for the best recital in town history.  

 Wait -- just one dancer, who points out that tonight is the Big Game, so no one will come to the recital.  Not even the dancers.

"Tough, we're still doing the show, just you and me.  It will be great."


Scene 4
: At the police station, Sister Lou has two announcements.  First, Henry is buying lunch.  Officer Szczepkowski asks his female coworker, "Is today the day I try calamari?" 

She says "no" in a nasty tone, with a disgusted expression. Was he asking to have sex with her?

Cop Bradley (Scott Lee) is wearing his high school letterman's jacket to support the team.  He calls Henry "brother from another mother," but Henry shoots him down. He hates humans, and human relationships of any type.

Second announcment: Officer Szcz (William McKenna) has been on the force for three months, so he's ready for a solo call! 

But it's just a domestic thing: "The annoying San Francisco couple on Park Ridge found something concerning in their yard."  San Francisco -- euphemism for gay?  No, it's a man-woman couple, just annoying because they're elitist. 

Scene 5: Officer Szcz is nervous, so he insists that his Female Coworker come along on the call.  Wait -- she treated him with disgust and contempt before, and now she's helping him?

They found human bones!  "Do you think this will delay the completion of our swimming pool?"  Har har, but nitpick -- no one in a northern state builds a swimming pool in October.  

Cut to the station, where the QB's teammate, Mark, has reported the "Leave town, or you'll sleep forever" threat.  He's sneezing as he leaves. This will be important later. Hank and Sister Lou want to work on the human remains case, but the Boss wants them on the QB Threat case. 

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Matt Cornett: "Bella and the Bulldogs" and "High School Musical" alum shows his d*ck . With gratuitous Buddy Keaton


Several years ago, I reviewed the Nickelodeon teencom Bella and the Bulldogs (2015-16), about a girl on the previously all-boy football team.  The premise sounded like a critique of gender polarization, acknowledging that sometimes boys like to cook and date other boys, but, at least in the episode I watched, there were no queer codes at all. Even  the obviously gay boy had a crush on a girl.

Now I'm profiling some former Nickelodeon/Disney teencom stars who informed our childhoods.  Should I go with the Bella cast member who is gay but has no adult videos online, or the one who is straight but shows us his stuff?



Buddy Keaton (née Handleson), the gay guy, played Newt Van der Rohe, a geek with an unrequited crush on the geek-hating Sophie.  Eventually she warms up to him.

I believe that the expression is "woof!," not "bark!"







Matt Cornett, the straight guy, played Zach Barnes, a player from a rival team who invited Bella to the homecoming dance, but uninvited her when his teammates disapproved (Two houses, both alike in dignity....).   After a few more "are they or aren't they?" episodes, they kiss.

Ok, Buddy with just some beefcake, or Matt with the Full Monty?

That's what I thought.



After Bella, Matt Cornett did the guest-spot circuit, playing girls' crushes (in Speechless, Game Shakers, and The Goldbergs), a girl's boyfriend (in Life in Pieces), a girl's friend (in the Middle), and for a change of pace, a bully murdered by one of his victims in Criminal Minds 

Also A-Lan in Disney's Zombies 3, which adds aliens to the already crowded world of zombies and werewolves.  He is dating the female alien A-Li.




But Matt is best known as jock-turned-thesbian E. J. Caswell in High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (2019-23).  The rationale for the clunky name: it's a tv series about high school students putting on the musical based on the movie High School Musical (which starred Zac Efron as the jock-turned-thesbian). 

In later seasons, they put on musicals based on the Disney films Beauty and the Beast, Frozen, and High School Musical 3: Senior Year.





Anxious to get to Matt's junk?  After the break.  Caution: Explicit

Rob Gronkowski: Football legend eats pancakes, fellates a beer can, shows us his hands, dick, and butt

 


This guy is named The Gronk.  I have no idea what, if anything, he's famous for, but he's apparently gay....and breath-taking.   





Perfect face.  Perfect physique.

Time for some research:

He's a football player named Rob Gronkowski.

 6'6",  265-pounds, hands 10 inches

You got anything else that's 10 inches, buddy?

A tight end: he blocks the running back and protects the quarterback durng passes.  







And fields a lot of jokes about his butt.

His stats, in case you're interested:
9 seasons with the New England Patriots (2010-2018)
2 seasons with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2020-21)
4-time Superbowl champ
4-time First Team All-Pro Selection







On the NFL 100th Anniversary All Time Team, along with some football players that I've heard of: O. J. Simpson, Johnny Unitas, Jim Brown, Dick Butkus (but I always thought he was a joke).

Here Gronk trains with the exceptionally ab-worthy fitness Youtuber Jesse James West.












But Gronk an actor, too, with 23 credits listed on the IMDB, including episodes of Family Guy, Entourage, Deported, How I Met Your Father, Animal Control, and The Electric State, usually playing himself.

More after the break

Bridger Buckley: Titan, pizza guy, kidnapped footballer, with a practically perfect physique and a donkey d...or is it a camel?

 

I've been watching The Neighborhood (2018-2025) about two nuclear families who are...um...neighbors, because someone on Reddit said that the femme, long-haired Grover (Hank Greenspan) was gay.  So far he hasn't expressed any interest in men or women, or really interacted with anyone outside the two families.

He doesn't appear in Episode 4.10, "Welcome to Jury Duty," (2022), but in the B-plot, Malcolm and Mary rent out their house for a movie, without realizing that it's going to be a porno.  They watch as the Hot Pizza Guy comes to the door -- and are shocked when he starts stripping off-camera.






Hot Pizza Guy is Bridger Buckley -- great name, attractive face, beautiful physique (pectoral perfection except for a dumb tattoo).  He's got one movie and two tv appearances listed on the IMDB, and I'm going to try to watch all of them.











An article in the Washington State Pullman student magazine provides some biographical details: Bridger Buckley grew up in Snohomish, Washington, a suburb of Seattle.  He was an "angry fat kid" who changed his diet, bulked up, and went out for football. -- Snohomish Panthers, class of 2014.  

He went to Washington State Pullman on a football scholarship, but was hit by a car during his sophomore year, resulting in a concussion and two fractured vertebrae.  It took a long time to recover, but eventually he returned to WSU and the football team.  Another injury, this time a badly sprained ankle, put an end to his football career, but not to his fitness goals.

By 2018, he was ranked #44 in West Coast Men in the Crossfit Games.




In 2019, he competed in The Titan Games, a sports reality show hosted by Dwayne Johnson: Fitness trainers, paramedics, accountants, soccer coaches, and other amateurs with amazing physiques faced Greek mythology-type challenges. 

Bridger won the Hammering Ram and Mount Olympus, permitting him to go on to the Battle of the Titans and win Herculean Pull,  In the season finale, The Titan Championship, he lost the Uprising (pulling an anvil through a series of concrete barriers).

 James-Jean Louis, a truck driver from Miami Beach, was named top male Titan.





After graduating from WSU Pullman in 2019, Bridger pursued a career as a fitness trainer and model.  He won #3 in the Male Commercial Actor of the Year Awards at the IMTA (International Modeling and Talent Association).

And he began auditioning:




1. The Neighborhood (2022)

2. NCIS, Episode 13.10 (2022), "Where Loyalties Lie": A scientist working with the marines is murdered, and her advanced technology stolen, so the NCIS team has to "race against the clock" to catch the baddie.   Bridger has a walk-on.









More after the break

Rocky High: My job as an athletic trainer


When I was a kid, I hated sports -- who would willingly submit to having hard round projectiles hurled at them? -- but my parents wouldn't believe me.  "You're a boy!  Boys like sports!" they kept insisting as I unwrapped Christmas presents of basketballs and baseball bats.


Denkmann Elementary School didn't offer gym classes, so they insisted that I choose something from the Parks & Recreations Department "Kids' Sports" program.  So I took judo for three years, stopping only when the dojo moved across the river to Davenport.

Washington Junior High offered a full range of team sports, so they began pushing me toward baseball, basketball, or...shudder...football. I compromised with wrestling, but dropped out after an unfortunate penis incident during a match. 

When I was about to start tenth grade at Rocky High, home of the Rocks, the litany began again: play a sport, play a sport, play a sport.  With even more urgency, since a boy with an aversion to athletics might be a "swish."  My Dad even forced me to try out for junior varsity football!

Noticing my dismay, my gym teacher, who was also the football coach, came up with another idea.  He asked if I had my Red Cross First Aid certificate.  I did. Then he suggested that I might like a job as an athletic trainer.




What do they do?












Duties after the break