RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: Zoey 101

Showing posts with label Zoey 101. Show all posts

Noah Beck: Shirtless Soccer Player, Too Soon Steve, and Jowsey's boyfriend's ex shows his d*ck to 33 million TikTok followers

N*de photos of Noah Beck have been sitting in my "to profile" folder for two months. It's hard to get enthusiastic about profiling someone when you've never seen him in anything, and aren't even sure if he's an actor. All I know is:

1. He appeared in a music video with the Zoey 101 gang, so there's a d*ck pic in the profile of Matthew Underwood.

2. He is the ex boyfriend of Harry Jowsey's boyfriend.

That's not much to go on, but it's a really nice d*ck, so let's get started:

Instagram: Noah's taglines are "Do what makes you happy" and "sideline the QB and me," so maybe he's a football player. Or is dating a football player.

Posts show him boating, going to Disneyland, cooking, jumping on the bed, modeling a pink shirt, and telling us what he ate today (several times).

No pictures of men or women, at least not in the first two hundred posts. That's usually a sign of gay identity, but we already know that he's gay from being Harry Jowsey's boyfriend's ex, so his Instagram is useful only for its beefcake images.

Wikipedia: Noah was born in 2001 in Peoria, Arizona, a suburb of Phoenix, about 13 miles from downtown. He graduate from the Real Salt Lake Academy, which trains professional soccer players (presumably you take academic subjects, too); then he attended University of Portland for a year before dropping out due to COVID isolaiton.

He is a content creator, specializing in dances and humorous skits, with 33 million TikTok followers.

He also owns a gender-neutral underwear brand called Iphis (top photo). In Greek mythology, Iphis is born female but raised as a man so she can take the throne. When she falls in love with a woman, she is horrified by the "monstrous" lesbian desire, and asks the gods to make her a "real man." They do. Transgender affirmation, or a paeon to universal heterosexual desire?

The IMDB: Eight acting roles.

Some music videos.

A guy who dumps his girlfriend on an episode of Side Hustle (2021).

A shirtless soccer player who flirts with a girl on an episode of Doogie Kamealoha MD (2023).

A more substantial role on an episode of Doctor Odyssey (2025): Steve (Noah) looks uncomfortable when his buddy invites three bikini babes into their hot tub. Just when you conclude that he's gay, it turns out that he suffers from a disorder that makes him...um...finish at the slightest stimulus: a big problem on a date or even when trying to meet a girl.

I've been with thousands of men, again and again. They promise the moon.

They're always coming and going, and going and coming,

And always too soon -- Madeleine Kahn in Blazing Saddles

Fortunately, it's an easy fix with medication that the doctor prescribes.

These are all heterosexual roles, Noah. I'm starting to wonder if you're gay after all.

His Instagram tagline is a reference to the movie Sidelined: The QB and Me (2024): A high school dancer (a girl) has a "he's arrogant!" love/hate romance with a football player (Noah).

The trailer shows her getting advice from a standard romcom gay best friend played by Drew Ray Tanner, bisexual Fangs Fogarty on Riverdale. Plus gay actor Jake Foy is in the cast list. So maybe there's a same-sex romance on the side.

More after the break

I found photos of actor Dean Geyer on a general n*de men website, but the byline said he was an actor, so let's take a look (d*ck after the break).

He grew up in South Africa. Here he shows off his cache of snacks from the homeland.

At some point he moved to Australia, where he appeared on 244 episodes of the soap Neighbours (2008-09) as Ty Harper,. Ty drops out of uni to pursue a musical career, and romances a lot of girls.

He rates a cover of New Weekly, with the quote "I once waited for an hour outside a girl's school to give her a Valentine's day present," and a "Perv Poster." Presumably in Australia the term doesn't have the horrifying connotations that it does in the U.S.

His American film career starts out quite homophobi, with Never Back Down 2: The Beatdown (2011), about four fighters who band together to save their mentor. One of them, Case (Michael Jai White), has a sleazy gay dad, which causes the others to lambast him with homophobic slurs.

Then came episodes of Single Ladies (he's straight, we get it), Terra Nova, and Glee (2012-13), the American series about a glee club. His Brody Weston is a junior at the New York Academy for Dramatic Arts, sharing an apartment with Kurt, the gay character, and dating Rachel, but also working as a gigolo.

Rehearsal (2015) evokes the rehearsal for a Chekhov play going awry due to the incursion of an American screen hunk. Dean's character may be gay: Blaise Remington? Who has ever named their kid Blaise? But the director is named Turner Horatio Longfellow. Really?

No, in the trailer Blaise Remington is surrounded by ladies.

Blaise? Really?

After some romcoms where his characters go the other way, with the most generic names imaginable, or not imagined at all (Josh, Gabe Hudson, Mark Henderson), Dean appears in Zoey 102, with the gang from the Nickelodeon teencom all grown up, complaining that "no one told you life was gonna be this way," and finding love. He plays Todd Shupert, an actor that the grown-up Zoey hires to be her date at her friend Logan's wedding. Todd insists that he's not the Malibu Murderer, but...

More after the break

The internet was all agog over pictures of Matthew Underwood's penis. I wasn't impressed. First, the guy doens't even show his face. Second, he rubs me the wrong way. I can't quite remember how.

Oh, yeah. It's that annoying smugness. It's one thing to be heterosexual -- lots of guys are. It's another to brag about it. "I'm so entirely heterosexual, I'm the most heterosexual of all heterosexuals, I can heterosexualize anywhere, anytime. Every girl wants to be with me, and every guy wants to be me."

It's not just his character: this photo came directly from Matt's Instagram, posted in 2025.

Born in "The Sunshsine State of Florida" in 1990, Matt began acting at the age of eight, and appeared on screen in some guest spots before hitting paydirt in Zoey 101 (2005-08).

Zoey (Jamie Lynn Spears) and her brother Dustin (Paul Butcher) are students at the prestigious Pacific Coast Academy, filmed on location in Malibu instead of on a sound stage. Her coterie includes:

1. Logan (Matthew Underwood), the fabulously wealthy son of a famous actor, an it-boy who is basking in the absurdly exaggerated longing of every girl who sees him. Eventually he settles down with the nerd Quinn (see, looks aren't everything).

2. Chase (Sean Flynn, left), in love with Zoey but trapped in the "friend zone." Eventually, she realizes that she is in love with him, but then she leaves him again.

2. Michael (Christopher Massey, right), mostly in charge of advising Chase to admit his feelings, although he eventually gets a girlfriend of his own.

Matt reveals that just after Zoey, when he was 19, he was sexually harassed and then assaulted by his agent. The trauma prompted him to move away from Los Angeles and retire from acting.

He returned in 2017 to direct and star in two tv pilots with Sean Flynn, playing themselves: The Magic Studio, about kids who find magic rings, and The Golden Stars, about missing award statues.

And some shorts: Time Hoppers (2018), Matt and Sebastian Cabanas in silly costumes.

The Alien (2019): Matt (playing himself) and some girls meet a classic grey.

The Unicorn Sisters (2019): Matt helps some grieving girls write poetry.

Kind of full of yourself, aren't you, Matt?

He appears with some girls in Remi (2021) and with the entire Zoey gang in the Jamie Spears music video Follow Me (2020).

Noah Beck plays an alternative Logan. No, I don't think that the penis is real.

Matt returned to the Zoey universe in Zoey 102 (2023): A struggling 32 year old film producer, Zoey is asked to be maid of honor at Quinn and Logan's wedding. It took them 14 years to get married? She also resolves her feelings for Chase. After 14 years, he's moved on, girlfriend.

Matt's social media is mostly generic, landscapes, weird jokes, boating, pictures taken with the Zoey gang. He is currently single, his last heterosexual relationship (that he told fans about) in 2015.