"Middle Lower Bogans": Wacko Aussie Mom in one story, bickering race car guys in another. With bonus Aussie dicks

  

Netflix thinks I'll "love" Upper Middle Bogan or Rogan, hard to tell from the font.  Why would would I love, or even click on, something with an icon featuring a closeup of a lady's breasts, with the title actually written on one?    Sounds like a hetero-sleaze fest with gyrating ladies on poles.  

Ok, let's take a look, but at the first naked lady, I'm leaving. 

Story #1: Lady is driving through an Australian city, applying makeup and nail polish.  She stops at an elegant suburban house and brings coffee to Hubbie -- Patrick Brammell, top photo -- who is still asleep. Fully clothed.  Wait - why would you put on makeup and nail polish on the way home?  Are you pretending to go somewhere?

He smooches her all over, but she stops to ask if she looks yellow today, and if she might have bony metastasis. Is something wrong?  Do the boobs on the icon signify breast cancer, not hetero-horniness?  Or is she a hypochondriac? He doesn't care; he still wants sex.

Later, they bring lots of birthday presents to the rooms of Oscar and Edwina.  The kids argue over whose room they will celebrate their birthdays in.  Parents note that they dropped Oscar on his head a lot, and besides, he has an erection, so it will be his room.  Edwina is outraged. Something creepy is going on here.  Do the kids have an immune system disease, or is Mom delusional, keeping them locked in their rooms?

They compromise with the kitchen, where the kids interact normally.  So all of that creepiness was just to make viewers uncomfortable?  Oscar continues to hide his erection, which makes the parents proud.  They're proud of an erection?   

Left: Dad's bulge

Grandma appears, not phased by Oscar's erection but offended by Dad in underwear -- although she sneaks a peek.  She criticizes everyone else, and gives Oscar a maths tutor for his present.  This enrages Mom -- the monster made her childhood a living hell, and "look how I turned out!  I won't let that happen to Oscar!"

Dad counters that he likes the way she turned out, especially her breasts, which he fondles.  Can't you think of anything else, jerk?  Seriously, though: "I know you're a wacko, but Oscar will be fine.  Besides he's seriously stupid."   He makes an offense "I'm stupid" face.  Good God, call Child Protective Services.  Dad is seriously abusive.

Mom goes back to the kitchen to prove that Oscar's not stupid by asking him to add 13 and 13.  The answer he gives: 27?

Whoops, Grandma has collapsed, crashing through a glass table.

Story 2: In the emergency room.  You don't get separate cubicles; everyone is in one big room.  The guy in the bed next to Grandma is jerking his arms up and down. 

Mom goes to the lab and checks on Grandma's bloodwork.  Wait -- this seriously mentally ill hypochondriac is a doctor?  How does she examine anyone without freaking out and thinking that she has what they have?

Mom argues with the technician, Sam, about Grandma's diagnosis: "You got the bloodwork wrong. My Mom can't  have Type A, because Dad was Type O and I'm Type B."

"Nope, I drew the blood myself.  She's Type A."

Sam is played by model Kane Felsinger, who doesn't show his chest on screen.

Mom jabs herself to prove that she's Type B.  How is that possible?

She rushes out to confront Grandma: "You can't be my mother. I'm adopted."  After a lot of mishegas, Gradma admits to it.  This is a completely different story from the psycho-parents imprisoning their kids in Scene 1.

At home, Mom breaks the news to the family.  "So she's not our Grandma, she's sort of a friend of the family?"  "No, we'd never want her as a friend."

 Later, in bed, Dad wants to feel her breasts, as usual, but Mom refuses: "What part of you thinks I want to have sex right now?"  His penis, obviously.  "I wonder what my birth parents are like?"  Dad suggests that her mother must have incredibly gorgeous breasts.

More stories after the break

"It's Always Sunny," Episode 7.10: Mac gets fat, Charlie refuses sex, and Michael O'Hearn flexes. With bonus Sunny butts

Looking for Michael O'Hearn muscle, I found an appearance in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 7.10 (2011).  It's been on for like a century, so you've probably seen it: four sociopathic pals and their anti-father figure run a sleazy, always-deserted bar in Philadelphia, where they argue, fight, scheme against each other, and work together on elaborate money-making scams

Dennis (Glen Howerton, right), the bartender, prides himself on his attractiveness. .

His sister Dee (Kaitlyn Olson), the bar's waitress, fancies herself an actress.

Mac (Rob McElhenney, left), the bouncer, is obsessed with muscles, and rather homophobic.  He gets a lot of "is he or isn't he?" jokes, until he finally comes out, then goes back in, and comes out again.

Frank (Danny DeVito, the moon), Dennis and Dee's rich con-artist sort-of-father, bankrolls the schemes.

He and Charlie (Charlie Day, center), the bar's janitor, live together, share a bed, and get a lot of "are they or aren't they?" jokes, but it's also hinted that Frank is Charlie's biological father, not his boyfriend.

None of the cast is homophobic in real life. In 2018, they all appeared on a Paddy's Pub float at the LA Pride Parade, giving Mac a chance to show off his new ripped bod.

Scene 1: Mac is in a Catholic confession booth (where you confess your sins to the priest, who gives you a penance to perform).  His confession: he's fat. Not a sin, dude.

Scene 2: Next Mac asks the priest to have God smite his enemies...um, friends...well, friends who want to destroy him.  Not what confession is for, dude. He explains: they became wildly successful, which made them monsters (um...they've been monsters since Season 1), which made them want Mac to be fat. Confused?

Flashback:  Frank, the anti-father, returns from a trip to sell illegal fireworks in North Carolina to find the bar packed.  What happened?  Mac thinks that they just "tipped": if you make the right decisions long enough, eventually things tip in your favor.  Charlie thinks it's his cleaning, Dee her jokes, Dennis his hotness.  They don't know which it is, so they have to continue doing everything.

Scene 3: In bed that night, Charlie just wants to go to sleep so he can work tomorrow, but Frank wants to blow up a lamb with his remaining fireworks.  They argue until Charlie makes a barrier between them, so they can't have sex, which hurts Frank's feelings.  Mac calls and invites them to go on a rager, but they can't because they're fighting.

Left: Frank, Danny DeVito.

Scene 4: The next day, Dennis won't come out of the bathroom, so Charlie has to bartend, which he's not qualified for. Meanwhile, Dee tries to be funny, ignoring customers' orders to tell lame half-jokes and berating them when they don't laugh, and Mac comes late in after a rager involving three bottles of champaign and a stray dog. Everything is in chaos. 

They all go into the bathroom to see what's wrong with Dennis: he found a couple of gray hairs and tried to eradicate them, ending with a terrible haircut.  He's afraid to be seen in public. 

Scene 5: After bartending all night, Charlie is exhausted; plus he hasn't had time to clean. Frank has come up with a new prank: four stop signs at an intersection, so no one can move, har har. Charlie points out that he built a four-way stop, actually making the neighborhood safer. "Ok, then, why don't we go around and hit people with sticks?"  Charlie doesn't want to do that, either.  Not the best ideas for Date Night, buddy.

Scene 6: Mac is planning places to avoid when he sails around the world with the profits from their new successful bar.  He'll avoid Africa -- too poor, the Middle East -- too hot, and well, everywhere.  Meanwhile, Dennis applied a chemical peel to his face, and now looks disfigured, so he can't be the attractive bartender anymore.

Left: Dennis, Glenn Howerton

Dee suggests hiring  replacements, or avatars, to do all the dirty work, so they can concentrate on being attractive, funny, and successful.  Of course the avatars have to look like the gang.

More sunny after the break

Empire: Which son should run the hiphop empire, the finance major, the big dick, or the gay one? With some butts and bulges

 

Since I used nude photos of Jussie Smollett and Terrence Howard as illustrations in the Gemstones Episode 3.8 review, I feel obligated to review the series they're in: Empire (2015-2020), about a hiphop mogul trying to decide which of his children should get his multimillion dollar recording business after he dies. 

Scene 1: A woman in a recording booth, singing a R&B song, while Terrence Howard's Lucious, head of the recording empire, listens: "I got time on my side...why you leaving so soon?" Uh-oh, Lucey is doomed!   

He tells her to "sing like it's your last day on Earth."  Ok, enough foreshadowing.  Let's get on with the terminal diagnosis.  He flashes back to it, then tells her to sing like she just had to identify her brother's body after he was murdered.  Ok, now she's singing in an agonizing shriek.  Lucey is satisfied, kisses the hand of a masculine-presenting woman, and wakes up the fat guy on the couch. 

Scene 2:  Party on the deck of his platinum-album-strewn office.  Ugh, close-up of a bikini babe.  I counted ten bikini babes, four fully-clothed men. So far, so heterosexist.

Gross, a woman is feeding a man!  That's a major trigger, causing immediate disgust.  Get your own damn food!  In-universe, it's meant to designate that he has such a big penis that women would do anything to get him in bed.   Another gives him a whiff of a cigarette.  Big Penis appears to be Lucey's youngest son, Hakeem, played by Bryshere Y. Gray.

Cut to another guy composing music on the piano.  Big Penis jumps in.  They sing about being ready to hit the top, go to the limit, get money and girls.  Why, are you going to get 30 women instead of your usual 15?

A slightly older man in a suit and his wife look down from above, disapproving of his brothers' rambunctiousness, wondering why Hakeem is singing when Dad's not around.  

Scene 3: Lucey and the masculine-presenting woman in the back of a limo, talking about his big announcement. They arrive, get mobbed by reporters and fans, and go into a gigantic office, where he kisses her.  Must be his wife Porsha, played by Ta'Rhonda Jones, who is an LGBT ally but doesn't usually have a masculine gender presentation. 

Lucy's secretary gives him a rundown of the day's requests.  He says no to The Tonight Show and grudgingly ok to President Obama -- "but this is the last timee."  

In a board room, twirling a basketball, Luscious waxes nostalgic about the music that kept him alive when he was growing up on the streets. But now people download music for free, so kids growing up in the projects can't escape by composing and singing songs. Well, to be fair, less than one in a million wannabes makes a living as a singer/songwriter, but it's a nice hobby.  Empire Music is going to change all that by being a commodity on the New York Stock Exchange.  

Scene 4: Dining room, with a painting of a hot guy on the wall, although yellow pants against a yellow background might not be the best choice.

The guys who did the "I'm ready to be rich and famous" song are sitting at the table. There's no food.  

The Suit Guy enters and asks Jamal, the one who was playing the piano, about "that friend of yours."  Euphemism for a gay partner?  Jamal is upset because Suit Guy didn't show up for dinner; they cooked and everything.  "I forgot."  

Lucey enters and lambasts them for not being prepared to take over his music empire. He's going to die soon, and "I need one of you to man up and lead it." He'll be deciding who during the next few episodes. 

Scene 5: Cookie, a woman with big hair and a very short skirt, is leaving prison. 

 Meanwhile, Looney and Suit Guy  observe a wrestling match and congratulate each other on how much money they're going to make on the kid. He must be Lucey's eldest son Andre, played by Trae Byers

Suit Guy suggests that since he has a degree in finance, he's best qualified to run the company, but Lucey disagrees: it should be a celebrity, like Big Dick.

Later, Lucey's assistant reveals that Cookie has been released from prison.  Lucey wants round-the-clock surveillance. 

Scene 6: Jamal, played by Jussie Smollett, complains to his boyfriend that Dad would never choose him to run the empire, because he's a card-carrying, slur-slinging homophobe.  He's out at Minute 11 of the first episode.   Hear that, Kelvin?  

More gay guys after the break

Schitt's Creek: Quirky small town (in Canada, but don't tell anyone) has gay/bi guys and a lot of beefcake

In the Canadian sitcom Schitt's Creek (2015-20), video magnate Johnny Rose (SCTV alumnus Eugene Levy) loses his fortune to a shady business manager, and he and his former-actress wife Moira and adult children David and Alexis  are forced to move into a cheap hotel in the desolate small town of Schitt's Creek, where they try to adapt to such hardships as sharing a room and making their own beds.

They butt heads with many curious, eccentric, and passive-aggressive smiling-as-they-dump-on-you residents, like Mutt (Tim Rozon), the mayor's son, who lives in a barn and collects compost.

It reminds me a bit of Gilligan's Island, with the castaways trying to survive on a desert island, their plans to escape constantly falling through at the last moment.

Schitt's Creek is so small that it has only one hotel, restaurant, and "general store," and the same six people do everything.  But still, there's a lot going on, and the Roses throw themselves into town life, getting jobs, joining clubs, running for city council, dating -- a lot of dating.  David (Dan Levy) develops a friends-with-benefits relationship with a girl, Stevie (Emily Hampshire), who appears to be the hotel's only employee, and Alexis has a steady stream of boyfriends, like Mutt and  town veterinarian Ted (Dustin Milligan, left).

That's one of the things I like about Schitt's Creek -- it's overloaded with beefcake, hot guys in tight shirts -- or out of tight shirts -- everywhere you look.

The other thing I like is the writing.  The dialogue is witty, sardonic without being bitter.  There is no us vs. them, normal v. hicks or normal v. snobs.  Everyone has foibles, but almost everyone comes across as likeable.



What I don't like is:

1. David states that he is pansexual, and he is played by Dan Levy, who is gay, yet his relationships are exclusively heterosexual until the third season, when his ex-boyfriend Sebastian (Francois Arnaud) rolls into town. 

 Later he and Stevie get into a three-way relationship with Jake (Steve Lund, left).  

More bi/pan after the break