"Rock Paper Scissors" is a game where players turn their hands into the objects, hoping that theirs will cover, crush or otherwise defeat their opponents.
Here Kramer and his gay-subtext buddy Mickey (Michael Richards, Danny Woodburn) play on an episode of Seinfeld.
Want to see Danny's dick?
I feel bad about the misdirection, so I put a really Danny dick on top: Danny Hobson, who hopes to Win the Girl on Naked Attraction (2017). Plus some explicit photos after the break.
When Paramount Plus recommended a tv series called Rock Paper Scissors, I figured it was for preschoolers, like Bananas in Pajamas. But the fan wiki states that there are two walk-on gay characters, Hipponoid Commander (Episodes 1.1) and Dave (Episode 1.14), and Common Sense Media (the homophobic one) says that it is "completely inappropriate," with "strong LGBT undertones." Can't let gay kids know that they exist! So we'll check it out.
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Episode 1.1, "Paper's Big Lie"
Intellectual Paper (Thomas Lennon), trying to invent something, is annoyed by the loud ninja practice of his roommates, athletic Rock (Ron Funches) and hipster Scissors (Carlos Alarazqui). There's a knock on the door: it's their new neighbor, a female Pencil.
Cliche shot of Pencil walking in slow motion, her long hair blowing in the wind, while Paper gushes in "girl of my dreams" ecstasy.
She works for a high-tech company, so he pretends that he has a high-tech job, too. His brain objects: "You work at a crappy store that sells technology." But his nether parts outrank his brain.
Even when Pencil asks for a tour: Paper puts up a poorly drawn sign and claims that she can't go inside because they're working on a top-secret device that will produce unlimited food out of nothing.
The human boss yells: "I don't pay you to talk to girls, I pay you to unravel the pile of wires in the back room."
This makes Pencil a bit suspicious, but not the President of the United States: she saw the sign and figured that Paper must be super-smart. The world needs his help. Lady is not too bright, is she?
Problem: The Hipponoids, "the most dangerous species in the galaxy," have the Earth surrounded. The Commander (Darin de Paul) explains that their planet is low on food, so Earth must hand over its supply.
Perfect! Pencil announces that Paper can make a device that will produce unlimited food, with no raw materials needed.
Paper's brain begs him to admit that he knows nothing about technology, but no, he thinks he can still find a way to fix this and Win the Girl.
In the workshop, Pencil praises Paper's tech expertise while building the device herself. She seems to be just as invested as Paper in keeping up the Big Lie. There must be some "Boy of My Dreams" going on.
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New plan: he'll bring his ninja roommates Rock and Scissors to the ship, and they'll knock out the aliens before they can invade the planet.
That doesn't work. Finally Paper decides to come clean: "I was just trying to impress someone that I like, and the lie got out of control."
The Commander is sympathetic: back on the home world, he was an office drone, but he lied that he was a great warrior to impress his crush. Then he had to join the space force, and somehow he rose up in the ranks to become commander."There he is -- handsome, huh?" The crush looks rather goofy, but Paper agrees.
"I've had to keep up this lie for 50 years!" You'd better seal the deal soon, buddy. "And I can't invade Earth because then he'll find out that I lied, and never speak to me again."
Paper and the Commander find a solution that permits them to retain both lies: they pretend to use hand-to-hand combat to decide the fate of the Earth. Paper wins, but "Your Commander is so tough that he 'accidentally' destroyed the device."
Whoops, Rock just fixed it.
Gay Representation: The Commander as a muscular being fights stereotypes, and Paper responds nonchalantly to his crush on a male. The writers could easily given him a crush on a female warrior, so this is a positive step. But how about a scene where the Commander actually interacts with the crush? B
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The guys' favorite tv show is The Gang's All Here, with 27 people living under one roof. They take a quiz to see which character they are. Paper and Scissors got Stephernie, so they are invited to the Stephernie Party next door (hosted by this muscular mouse). Rock wants to be Dave, "kind, stylish, and made of granite," but he gets Creepo the Stinkboy.
"That can't be right! I know who I am!"
At the Stephernie party: one of the guests brought the wrong kind of pizza, so is obviously just a wannabe, not a real Stephernie. Each guest is quizzed about details that only a true fan would know, like her last name.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
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