Gemstones Episode 1.1, Continued: Blackmail, a bisexual orgy, double-dragon Ninjas, Scott Wolfe's bulge, and Kelvin's cock. Twice

Previous:  Episode 1.1:Kelvin is in love with a Goth boy, Judy with an atheist, and Gideon with the Devil.  Plus some nude dudes from Chengdu.

The earlier scenes established one of the main plotlines of the season: Kelvin Gemstone is gay and an evangelical minister -- got to be some conflict there -- and interested in his former-Satanist friend Keefe.  Next we move on to introduce the other plotlines. 

El's Dead Wife:   We cut to megachurch senior pastor Eli eating dinner alone, just as lonely as Kelvin.  He stares at a painting of him and, presumably, his dead wife.  Later we discover that she is Aimee-Leigh, a famous Gospel singer who partnered with Eli in the ministry before her death in July 2018.  Trivia alert: a little over a year before Episode 1.1 aired.

The Sex-and-Drugs Party: Then on to Jesse in the master bedroom suite, brushing his teeth while his wife Amber waits in bed. Suddenly he gets a text: a video of Jesse in a hotel room, snorting cocaine with a naked lady, with a naked guy in the background. We see dicks!  So someone taped Jesse having a bisexual sex-and-drugs party! Wait -- is he bi, or were the guys at the party taking turns having sex with the hooker?

The sender wants to meet, so Jesse makes an excuse and drives to the deserted parking lot of a strip mall.  A red van appears, and a blackmailer in a Devil mask demands a million dollars by Sunday, or the video goes viral!  

Later, Jesse asks Chief Accountant Martin for the money, pretending it's for a new mission endeavor, but no dice.

Squeezing Out the Competition:  Eli is planning to open a new satellite church in Locust Grove. A fictional town, not the suburb of Atlanta.  The pastors of smaller churches in the area, especially Rev. Seasons (Dermot Mulroney, right, from a 1994 movie), fear that theit will draw away their members.  Tough. Eli admits that he's intentionally trying to steal their congregations.  In-joke: his name is John Wesley Seasons, but he's a Baptist!

Judy and the Atheist: The family meets at Aimee-Leigh's shrine to discuss their disapproval of Judy's boyfriend BJ, because he is an unbeliever; he's even pro-choice on abortion!  She argues that he doesn't support "killing babies" anymore.  How conservative are the Gemstones?  It varies from season to season, and even from episode to episode.

Plus they are living together, in spite of the church's prohibition of premarital cohabitation, so whenever someone visits, BJ has to hide. She argues that they are engaged, which is practically the same as being married.  No one mentions disapproving of Kelvin being gay; could they not know, or do they assume that he is not sexually active?

On the ride home, Kelvin becomes angry with Jesse for "constantly getting in my business, telling me what I should or shouldn't do."  Like what guys he can date? Jesse claims that he's just trying to protect Kelvin: "Dark forces are at work. Evil forces that want to destroy our family."  He means the blackmailers, but what does Kelvin think he's talking about?  An ex-Satanist that he attracted to?

We cut to Jesse's wife Amber meeting with the church ladies to defend the Gemstones' excessive wealth, 

Jesse's Crew Sees the Tape:  Jesse shows Kelvin and his crew, the guys who were at the party, the tape. Kelvin ignores the boobs, but wants to know who belongs to the cock -- Chad.  He points out that his cock is bigger. Everybody's cock is bigger, dude. 

Kelvin will be obsessed with his cock size through the series. I wonder if it is scripted as small, or the same size as Adam Devine's.

So, will Kelvin to chip in half of the million dollars?  He considers it, but after Jesse calls him "a shitty brother and a shitty minister," he refuses.  

We move on to a church service -- very money-grubbing.  Eli, Kelvin, and Jesse perform, while Keefe stands in the balcony.  Apparently he is working security.  After the service, they find all of the cars in the parking lot plastered with fliers about how evil the Gemstones are.  No doubt Rev. Season is responsible!  

Suck your Satanic boyfriend:  After a confrontation with Rev. Seasons about the fliers -- he denies responsibility -- Eli and his family head to dinner in a private dining room on the second floor of Jason's Steakhouse.  Trivia alert: Really the Liberty Taproom and Grill in Mount Pleasant, a suburb of Charlesotn.

The siblings are generally sniping at each other. disapproving of BJ for being a nonbeliever and Judy for planning to move away from the compound and buy a place in town.  They consider this a betrayal. Why do they care?   

Kelvin accuses Jesse of "betraying your family" in another way.  They stand, preparing to fight.

Kelvin: "How about you tell the family what kind of man you really are?"

Jesse: "How about you just go on and suck your Satanic boyfriend Keefe off?"  This is the first time Keefe is named on the show. 

"Suck your Satanic boyfriend" is a parallel to "what kind of man you really are," comparing two illicit sexual acts.  But what is illicit, sex with a boyfriend or sex with a Satanist?  From Jesse's statement that he has gay friends earlier, we can conclude that he means "Satanist," just as Judy is inadequate because of her non-believer boyfriend.  But Kelvin responds as if Jesse has criticized him for being gay: instead of defending Keefe, he throws a water glass.  

The Devil is a Top:  They start throwing things at each other. Jesse throws a water glass at Kelvin, but hits BJ in the nose.  Kelvin yells that they should have Jesse arrested for assault, and he responds "I hope the Devil fucks you dry!"  

Again we see parallel threats, getting arrested and getting "fucked" by the Devil, both humiliating losses of power.  It is interesting that Jesse adds "dry," that is, without lube. He assumes that Kelvin, being gay and into anal sex, would otherwise enjoy the act.  In Season 3,we learn that Kelvin is in fact a bottom, and Keefe a top.

Kelvin cock and Scott Wolfe bulge after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.2, Continued: Eli catches a snake, Christian poses nude, and Kelvin sees the Devil's Testicle

Previous:  Episode 1.2: Thai ladyboys, Italian shoes, Palestinian dicks, and the devil's kiss.

Although this episode was mostly about establishing the toxic Scotty-Gideon relationship, we saw Kelvin recoiling from a butt-slap from Matthew, then touching Keefe's arm with a look of passion that's impossible to mistake.  In the last scenes, we find out more about the nature of his desire. 

Confronting the Blackmailers: The siblings go to the hotel where the blackmailers are staying.  When they pass a breastfeeding mother, Judy gazes hungrily at the baby, a maternal desire that is not referenced again.  The desk clerk tells them that the blackmailers checked out today.  Dead end. 

The desk clerk asks if "the little boy" is Jesse and Judy's son.  Kelvin counters that he's "fully grown..an adult man."  His belief that everyone treats him like a kid will be central in Season 2.

The Testicle: Jesse, in Gideon's room, fidgets with his wedding ring, suggesting that he is worried about his marital problems.  Compare Kelvin's fidgeting with his wedding ring during his breakup with Keefe in Season 3.

He begins to pray, interspliced with shots of Amber playing the piano and Keefe spotting Kelvin on the bench press.  Suddenly Keefe's testicle pops out of his gym shorts! 

Kelvin finishes a rep, his eyes closed from the exertion, then looks up and notices.  Keefe moves away.

Kelvin sits up, breathing heavily. The camera moves in for a close-up of his face. He is shocked and confused.  

This is not the expression of someone embarrassed from seeing his buddy's testicle. He is terrified.  Something is stirring that he doesn't understand, or maybe he understands but doesn't want to. He is experiencing homoerotic desire.  He got harder?  He can no longer interpret his feelings for Keefe as mere buddy-bonding.

Harder: Notice the motto on the wall: "Harder..better... faster. .stronger...saved."  This may be a reflection of the song "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger," although I wonder how Kelvin is familiar with an album by the Australian electro band Daft Punk, released in 2001, when he was 11 or 12 years old.   

Other suggestions: The Olympic motto, "Faster, Higher, Stronger," and Bigger, Stronger, Faster, a 2008 documentary about steroid abuse among bodybuilders. It included interviews with practically every pro bodybuillder of the present and past, from Arnold Schwarzenegger, top photo, to Mike Bell. 

More nude bodybuilders after the break

Joshua Mikel: Pirate, Satanist, zombie chow, boyfriend. With two important questions answered, and maybe a cock

 

You may be familiar with Joshua Mikel as Daedalus in Season 1 of  The Righteous Gemstones.  When the recently converted Keefe returns to the Satanist/Goth Club Sinister, Daedalus assumes that he's there for "pleasures" and caresses his body and licks his face, while his friend Cryptocore starts to go downtown. This scene establishes that Keefe is gay, and that Daedalus is an ex-lover.

Born in Conyers, Georgia, a suburb of Atlanta, Josh graduated from Florida State University's Theater and Creative Writing programs.  He has written a number of award-winning plays, many for children:  The Monster Hunters, Pirates!, Good Good Trouble on Bad Bad Island!.  I looked at some of the scripts, but didn't see anything of particular gay interest.

Josh has 92 acting credits on IMDB, including a lot of fantasy and horror: Renfield, Mayfair Witches, Unhuman, Creepshow, and 50 States of Fright.  It took 17 auditions to be cast on The Walking Dead, as Jared, one of the "Saviours" who demand tribute from surrounding post-zombie-Apocalypse communities.  

 

But a lot of general dramas, too. The Lengths (2014) is of gay interest: Josh's character is in love with both a man and a woman. 

There are several bulge shots, and maybe a butt, but it's obscured and hard to see, so I substituted this fully visible butt.

Josh has also done storyboard art and set design for everything from Kirksville to The Little Mermaid.  

If he has any time leftover, he is the drummer for the indie rock band Look, Mexico.  One of their songs, "It's Been a Long Time Since I Smelled Beautiful," might have a gay subtext:

Will you compromise, or will you say what's on your mind this time?

Will you smile for me, or will you say what's on your mind this time?

But we're not, we're not keeping quiet.

So if you think you're ready…

It's our time now.

Underwear and dick after the break

The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we "won't like these dicks." Is that even possible? With chubby guy bonus.

Commenting on the frequent male nudity in the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, Edie Patterson said "We're not gay baiting" (using the term wrong), and Danny McBride (Jesse) claimed that gay men "won't like these dicks." 

Nonsense.  All dicks are beautiful. Big, small, thick, thin, micro, they all draw us toward the power and promise of the male body.  

And the rest of these guys ain't bad, either.

They are a group of thugs hired in Episode 1.3 to take down Eli by destroying his satellite church.  He gets the upper hand and humiliates them by forcing them to run naked through the shopping mall.  

1. Casey Hendershott (top photo), who has played a variety of mobsters, bouncers, rednecks, serial killers, and miscellaneous miscreants.  He didn't show us his junk, but his physique more than makes up for it.

2. Zach Osterman, a Savannah, Georgia-based actor who appeared on Danny McBride's previous show Vice Principals. He's an avid cosplayer, gamer, comic book fan, ghost-tour guide, and pizza expert.  Some people with his physique get fat-shamed and size-shamed, so it took a very positive self image for him to agree to bare it all for Gemstones viewers.  

It was worth it.  He's easily the cutest of the trio.

3. Justin Matthew Smith, who has 29 acting credits on the IMDB, plus a special thanks for the short The Runner.  Nothing wrong with his dick.

The Running of the Butts.  The guys and some extras are forced to run through the mall nude, as the shoppers all laugh at them.

Why is male nudity assumed humorous for the viewer and humiliating for the subject?  If I saw one of these guys running through the mall, I would not be laughing.

 

Bonus chubby guys after the break

Gemstones Season 1 Memes: Kelvin bottoms, Gideon falls in love, and Keefe checks for semen loads

 

These are jokes riffing on scenes from Righteous Gemstones Season 1. 

1. Kelvin and Keefe meet on Grinder.  I think Kelvin is a little in denial.

2. Pontius appears immediately after the first Kelvin/Keefe scene.  Jesse tells him that he has gay friends....

3. From Tony Cavalero's instagram.  Apparently he was hoping to land Kelvin from Day One.

4. Tony Cavalero posted this meme for Adam Devine's birthday

5. Discussions of outfits?  Definite queer code.

More memes after the break.

Blair's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Wicked Lips, Fierce Friday, and what happened in Australia in the summer of 2016

This is a collection of hot/hung or humorous photos of actor/model Blair Jackson, who becomes Kelvin's nemesis in Righteous Gemstones Episode 1.4, "Wicked Lips." I'm only sure about one of the nude photos.

1. "It's ok. My roommate says you can spend the night."

2. Beach boys.

3. "What do you mean, I have to wear a shirt to be served?  I usually take off my shirt whan I want to be...um..."

4. What happened in the summer of 2016, stays in the summer of 2016.

5. What happens in the library, stays in library.

6. Thai dreams of thighs.  And shoulders.  And....

More Blair bod after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.9, Continued: Kelvin goes dark, Keefe goes down, and Captain America saves the day

Previous: Episode 1.9: Jesse is racist, Judy is a rapist, and Kelvin is the devil

He's not my boyfriend:  Earlier in the episode, Kelvin reveals that "he's coming apart," certain that his lack of interest in women and recent forays into "darkness" signify that he is the Devil.  The siblings tried to comfort him, but apparently it didn't help: he shows up at the teen group wearing a Goth teddy boy outfit, mascara, pale lipstick, dark glasses, and shiny vinyl pants, and announces "I have transformed myself into something Dark."  He's not Jesus, but a vile creature of sin.  He must leave them.  

But his replacement, Ronald Meyers (Josh Warren), is "pure": chubby, greasy-haired, an assistant manager at the GameStop.  One can't help but conclude that "pure" means "never had sex," a contrast with Kelvin, who obvioulsy has. 

Kelvin makes a dramatic exit.  Dot Nancy, whom he rescued from Club Sinister, scoffs, as if to say "What an idiot!", and follows. "Is this about your boyfriend?"  Notice that she is not being pejorative; she honestly believes that they are a gay couple.  

Kelvin corrects her:  "Ok, no, he's not my boyfriend. We're just a couple dudes who like to hang out. Why?"  He's being awfully nonchalant -- compare Season 3, where "rumors swirling around" drive him into a panic.  He's already the Dark Lord, a being infused by homoerotic desire, so why get upset over a simple mistake?

Fans who insist that "Kelvin is straight!" often point to this statement, but maybe they're not "boyfriends," partners in a caring, emotionally-fulfilling relationship.  Kelvin believes that Satan is all about sex, not love, so whatever he feels for Keefe -- whatever he does with Keefe -- must be driven solely by lust.   

That will all change in a moment, when Dot shows him Keefe's instagram page. He has returned to his old job as Baby Queef, a performance artist at Club Sinister: "The baby is back!"  and "Haven't I fallen far enough?"  

Responses from fans: "I'm psyched!  I can't wait!"  "We're off to never-never land!" 

Yelling "No, no, no," Kelvin rushes off. Why is he fine with turning into the Dark Lord, but upset when Keefe becomes one of his followers?  Maybe because his transformation was all about wallowing in self-pity, while Keefe's is for real. He is about to be destroyed, spiritually, psychologically, and maybe even physically.

Gideon in Haiti: Before we can find out what happens next with Kelvin and Keefe, we cut to Gideon in Haiti: colorful "third world" shots of goats, a taverna, Gideon  meeting a group of kids, and so on.  The Water 2 Haiti ministry reflects the real Water for Life, which has been sponsoring well digging and irrigation since 1983. 

Jesse tracks Gideon down and asks him to come home. He refuses: he's doing missionary work to expiate his sins, so he can find peace.   Jesse will have to find anothe way to reconcile with Amber.

BJ is Shocked:  Back to the Gemstone Compound, night.  BJ wants to do a grand gesture to get Judy back (you dumped her, remember?), but Brock the Security Guard makes fun of his name and won't let him in (he lived there before the breakup -- wouldn't Brock know him and let him by default?).  

Rejected at the gate, BJ says "It's time to be a man" and finds an isolated place with a fence he can climb over.  We get a good view of the amusement park as he sneaks through, trying to abandon "childish things," as St. Paul suggested.   But the stealth plan doesn't work:  he is surrounded by security guards and tazed.

A Transitive State: Meanwhile, Kelvin is trying a grand gesture of his own (you dumped him, remember?). He arrives at Club Sinister with yet another party going on (or is there always a party in the Satanic realm?)  He pushes through the crowd (and, significantly, shrinks back with audible “Ewww!” at the sight of a naked lady), and finds Keefe's old friend Daedalus.  

"Keefe is discovering some things about himself," he says. What does Keefe not know about himself?  Surely he knew that he was gay.  

Then: "I transformed him back into the earliest state of his being. He's sinking beneath his reality as we speak.  He's regressing to a transitive state."  I couldn't find an exact meaning for this phrase, but it probably means a state where you can be transformed into a different person.  

Kelvin threatens him: “Take me to him right now! I will beat your f*ng ass!”  

The Isolation Tank after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.9: Jesse is racist, Judy is a rapist, and Kelvin is the Devil. With a Haitian dick bonus.

Previous: Episode 1.8: Kelvin's testicles, Chad's testicles, Jesse's butt, and ancient Philistine penises

Episode 1.8 ended with all of the Gemstone siblings and their partners broken up, plus Gideon cast out from the family.  It's going to take a lot of work to make things right again.  

Title: "Better is the end of the thing than the beginning." Ecclesiastes 7:9.  Not things being over: at the beginning of the task, there are many problems ahead, many ways that things could go wrong, a lot of pain and sadness.  At the end, you can relax and enjoy the results of your hard work.

Chicken bone voodoo:  After a flashback to Aimee-Leigh's death (and a bee that will re-appear later in the episode),we cut to Eli finding about about the blackmail, Jesse's assault of Rev. Seasons, and Judy's embezzlement. Kelvin stood by and let them do things that he knew were wrong, so he's just as guilty. Eli angrily fires them all. 

Later, Amber tells Jesse that if he wants to reconcile, he'll have to go to Haiti, where Gideon is doing missionary work, and bring him back. Their conversation is surprisingly racist, referencing chicken bone voodoo, AIDS, and cannibalism. (Left: Port au Prince)

Judy's frst boyfriend: Judy meets with BJ "at a neutral location," the Outback Steakhouse, to give back the stuff he left when he moved out. She admits that she hasn't really "gobbled 1,000 cocks"; it was a lie to impress him. Notice that she is taking a masculine role: usually straight men brag about how many partners they've had, while women and gay men are slut-shamed.  

Judy continues with a monologue about her only previous boyfriend, actually her economics professor in college: she misinterpreted his casual conversation,  sexually assaulted him in his office, then kidnapped his son. BJ is mostly shocked that she never had vaginal sex before, so he "took her virginity."

Judy and Kelvin's relationships run parallel.  Since Judy had no sexual experiences prior to BJ, can we conclude that Kelvin was out there "gobbling 1,000 cocks" before Keefe introduced him to the idea of a loving gay relationship?

Jesus never dated much: Sibling movie night at Kelvin's house ((notice the K and the arcade game behind their couch).  They're watching The Neverending Story., at the scene where Artax  horse/companion of the hero Atreyu, is literally consumed by his sadness, sinking to his death.  Atreyu yells: "Fight against the sadness. You have to try. You have to care. You're my friend.  I love you."  Suddenly Kelvin bursts into tears (Top photo: star Noah Hathaway, no doubt one of the teen idols of Kelvin's youth).  

In the movie, the Childlike Empress is sick, thus allowing the Darkness (hopelessmess, despair) to slowly devour the Kingdom of Fantasia.  Young hero Atreyu is looking for a cure to save Fantasia, but he is unable to save his horse/friend Artax.  Maybe Kelvin is thinking of how he couldn't save Keefe from his own Sadness:  "My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm coming unhinged." The siblings ignore him, so he repeats: I'm in emotional turmoil, dealing with some very painful questions about myself."  

"For real?"  Jesse immediately becomes serious.  Remember, he thinks that Kelvin is gay, but in denial.  Is he ready to come out?

Nope.  "I've always felt like, maybe, I'm Him."  He's always felt like he is Jesus? Say what?  Dude, that's full-blown psychosis.

Actually, many cult leaders claim to be Jesus.  Wikipedia lists 40 in the 20th and 21st centuries alone, including Jim Jones, Marshall Applewhite, Charles Manson, Shoko Asahara, David Koresh.  It doesn't usually end well.

Kevin's reasons: we both care about people; people like us, and want to follow us. Wait -- you just have one follower, Keefe, and he's not worshipping you.  He gets on his knees for another reason entirely.  

Plus: "(Jesus) didn't date much, didn't have the urge or the need to.  That's me for days."  Fans sometimes use this line to argue that Kelvin is asexual, not experiencing desire for anyone, but in a heteronormative society, surely he means "urge or need to date women."  I'm sticking with the theory that Kelvin was out there breaking his celibacy promise, shoving his cock through the glory holes at Club Sinister every night, and feeling guilty about it the next morning.  

Jesse, aware of another reason for Kelvin's lack of interest in women, assures him that he's not Jesus, but "that doesn't mean you're not a decent man."  Notice that he uses the term "man," signifying that Kelvin is grown-up, an adult, regardless of his sexual identity.

But Kelvin doesn't buy it.  Another voice is telling him, "If you can't be him, maybe you can be me...Satan."  We know from the Satanic Sweep and the Club Sinister rescue that, in Kelvin's eyes, Satan is all about sex, or sex is all about Satan.  The only way he can explain his homoerotic desire, and maybe his homoerotic intimacy, is by fashioning himself "the Dark Lord of the family."  After all of this, how did fans continue to argue that Kelvin was straight?

He's very tired -- he hasn't been sleeping well lately. Because he usually shares his bed with Keefe?  And he misses Mama, who used to tell him that everything's gonna be ok.  She's gone, so Jesse and Judy step up: "Everything's gonna be ok.  You'll get it figured out."  It's not hard to figure out, Dude.  Lots of people are gay.

Haitian dick bonus after the break

Johnnie Gordon: Wicked lips, black mafia, terror lake, and Chick Fil A. With bonus black guys and a Mafia dick.

Johnnie Gordon (below) played one of Kelvin and Keefe's Faith Factory teens in Righteous Gemstones Episode 1.4, "Wicked Lips."  So of course, I had to check to see if he was gay or gay-friendly.

The results of my research: God is guiding Johnnie through careers as an actor, model, clothing entrepreneur, and college student.  He has been blessed by God with 14 acting credits on the IMDB, including starring roles in two tv programs. Telling your fans what God is doing for you may not necessarily mean that you eat at Chick-Fil-A and say "Amen!" when the pastor preaches against homa-seksuls, but there's a strong correlation.  

I'm guessing that when he took the role on The Righteous Gemstones, Johnnie thought "Oh, boy! Christians!", without knowing that the youth pastors were written as gay. 

But I tried his two tv shows.  Maybe there was gay content after all.  First up: BMF, which is impossible to type without typing BFM first.  It's  not available on any of my streaming services, but Roku had a "sample episode" to get you hooked before you buy it.

It is a crime drama based on a real Black Mafia Family (BFM...whoops, I did it again), with two of the Mafiosos playing themselves.  Johnny and Jaylon appear in flashbacks as young versions of Lil Meech (so Lil Lil Meech) and Southwest T Flenory.

I only managed five minutes. First Dad comes in while the kids are making breakfast and gives Mom several loud, wet, sloppy kisses -- gross!.  Then he compliments her on how good she was in bed last night -- in front ofhis kids!

Then the boys decide to go into mafia work because they can get clothes, cars, and "honeys."  And from then on, it appears to be smashing honeys and shooting dudes all the way down.  Wait -- did God really guide Johnnie to this role?

Sometimes we see the butts of the adult Big Meech (Lil Meech Flenory) and Southwest T (Da'Vinchi, top photo), and there's at least one dick shot (below).

Johnnie and Jaylon write on their instagram that the greatest memory God gave them in 2023 was starring in TLD SZN3.  I've never heard of a tv show with that name, and in fact it doesn't appear on Google except in the brother's instagram statements that they loved starring in it.  

They might mean Terror Lake Drive, another series that's not available anywhere on my streaming services.  I couldn't even find a "free sample episode," but it's either about "a single mom who runs away from her matriarchal home to Atlanta" or "a debt-ridden science teacher who inherits a million-dollar estate." Or they might be different women in different seasons. 

Heck with it.  I couldn't even find a trailer.  Let's just look at some black guys.

Lil Meech dick after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.8: Kelvin's testicles, Jesse's butt, and ancient Philistine penises. WIth testicular bonus

Previous: Episode 1.7, continued: Bisexual fish, Thai brothers, and Scotty with a broken heart.

In the last episode, Scotty kidnapped Gideon and Jesse, forced them to open the church vault, and stole the Easter offering money, incidentally confessing that he had been in love with Gideon.  Judy and BJ had a breakup scene, but Kelvin and Keefe barely appeared.  In Episode 1.8,, their romance is centric. 

Title: "But the righteous will see their fall." Proverbs 26:19: "When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increases; But the righteous will see their fall"

An Old Man's Dick:  It's still Easter evening.  After dropping off Judy at her house, Baby Billy asks Tiffany "Who wants to suck an old man's dick?" She goes down on him while they are driving down dark country roads near the estate.  Suddenly Scotty, driving away with the money he stole, runs a stop sign and crashes into their car!   They are unharmed, but Scotty is near death (Tiffany finishes the job by accidentally shooting him).  Then they steal the money.  An interesting call-back here: earlier Scotty implies that he forced Gideon into oral sex, and he dies while interrupting consensual oral sex, an ironic punishment of the sort you would see in 1950s horror comics. 

Top five young ministers:  Gideon admits to being Scotty's partner in the offering-theft plan, and is rejected by Eli and Amber.  But he doesn't mention his part in the blackmail plan!  We cut to Jesse telling his siblings that they are in the clear. But how do they know he won't tell later, and implicate them in the assault?   Worried that he'll be arrested, Kelvin is having anxiety attacks and "sharp shit pains in my stomach" (hemorrhoids?).   Even if he wasn't convicted, the scandal would destroy his career.   "I was in the Top Five Young Ministers to watch last year -- I got a reputation -- a following."  Wait -- if he's so famous, why is his whole plot arc about proving his worth?

Denim brings lunch:  We cut to scenes where Baby Billy and Tiffany leave town with the offering money, Eli worries that the whole enterprise is corrupt, and Jesse apologizes to Gideon for pushing him away and starting the whole mess. Eli admits, for the only time in the series, that the church's finances are not entirely above-board.

 Next, Judy tries to mend her relationship with BJ by bringing him lunch at the optometrist office.  Whoops, his coworker Denim already picked up lunch.  "So you're having sex with BJ?"  No, she's a lesbian -- she has a wife.  This does not convince Judy, who calls her: "One of those benevolent lesbians, out to meet a hot guy, make friends with him, so you can sample-suck some clean dick."  BJ's nonchalance about LGBT people, plus Judy's sort-of nonchalance, will become important later.

He refuses to take Judy back, so she storms into the parking lot and starts destroying cars, finally getting arrested.

Hemorrhoids and Testicular Tumors: Keefe is swimming while Kelvin tries not to look at the body that is giving him so many unwelcome desires.   He wants to know how he can rid the world of darkness, when he's surrounded by it: his mother died, Eli was assaulted, the church was robbed. Not to mention Jesse committing assault and probably vehicular homicide.  He concludes that God is punishing the family for "not being who we say we are."  

But Kelvin had nothing to do with those things. He was in the car with his siblings when they ran over the blackmailers, but he didn't assault anyone.  At most he failed to tell anyone.  How does "not being who we say we are" apply to him?  Unless he is talking about being gay.

"Don't you think God is being a little harsh?" Keefe asks.  We all wear masks; we hide things even from ourselves.  

Kelvin laugh/cries and says "I think we're getting off easy...when the Philistines stole the Ark of the Covenant, God punished them with hemorhhoids and testicle tumors."  

He's referring to an obscure story in 1 Samuel 4-5, where the Philistine thieves were punished with opalim. The King James Bible translates the Hebrew word as "emeroids" (now "hemorrhoids") and the NIV as "tumors."  An article in Biblical Archaeology Review points out the importance of penises in Philistine art, and suggests "flaccid penises."   No one mentions testicles; apparently Kelvin invented it, to correspond to the glimpse of Keefe's testicle that began his recognition of his homoerotic desire.

Next: "You should go, Keefe."  Keefe doesn't understand: "You want me to make a store run?"  Kelvin becomes angrier and angrier: "Go.  Leave.  Get out. I am no longer fit to lead you!" 

Kelvin scratches his butt as he says this.  Apparently he has hemorrhoids, and thinks that God is punishing him -- an ironic punishment for having anal sex? Will testicular tumors come next? 

Keefe disagrees: "There's no one more worthy than you."

 "Get the fuck out of here! Now! Do I need to call security, motherfucker?"  This is shockingly aggressive. Besides, if Keefe has been living there for several months, you have to give him 30 days notice.

Keefe wades away, holding his swimsuit like he held his shirt during the mushroom head scene.  The intimacy he enjoyed that night has been revoked.  Kelvin falls into the pool and screams and cries.

Why does Kelvin send Keefe away?  If he's no longer qualified to be a spiritual leader due to the assault of the blackmailers, they could certainly continue to live together.  It must have something to do with the "hemorrhoids and testicular tumors," the intimacy they shared, or even homoerotic desire itself.  Kelvin believes that it is evil, demonic, that Keefe is a serpent who tempted him.  I don't care much for this association between LGBT identities and sin, but the show has been careful to establish that it's in Kelvin's head, not a general theme, structurally or in-universe.  

Why would Kelvin be homophobic, when his older brother is not?  I don't think anyone on the show worked this out, but it might have to do with the era when they were growing up: Jesse during the relatively gay-positive 1990s, and Kelvin during the more homophobic 2000s.  If this season takes place near Easter 2019, same-sex marriage was legalized in South Carolina five years ago (2014), and nationwide in the Supreme Court case Obergefell v. Hodges just four years ago (2015),so Kelvin would have a fresh memory of the intense homophobic backlash.  Eli may even have participated.

Testicular bonus after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.7, Continued: Bisexual fish, Thai brothers, and Scotty with a broken heart. With a Thai dick bonus

Previous:  Episode 1.7, Keefe is in love, Scotty is hard, and everybody s*ks dick. With photos of guys doing it

Earlier in this episode, BJ left Judy due to her constant abuse, and Gideon left Scotty...for the same reason?  He also abandoned the plot to steal the Easter Sunday offerings. . 

Exclusively Female Fish: That night, Jesse and Amber are congratulating each other on his performance, when Gideon appears, fortunately with no scrapes or bruises from his fight with Scotty.

 Jesse encourages him to share "his special news" with Amber, but he says "I'm not in love with Scotty."

"In love with Scotty?" Amber repeats, confused.  She is apparently unaware of the existence of same-sex desire and romance.

Gideon clarifies: "I'm not.  I'm just your son, regular."  Wouldn't it be easier to say that you're straight?  But this show is notorious for talking around sexual identity.  The word "gay" appears only once in Season 2 and not at all in Season 3, even though it is essential to Kelvin's plot arc.

Jesse assures him that "there's a lot of handsome fish in the sea," but Gideon says that he's looking for "female fishes exclusively.  It was just a...."  

Just a what, Gideon?  Just a one-time thing?  It's impossible not to conclude that Gideon and Scotty had a sexual relationship.  There's not enough textual evidence to determine if the sexual activity began in California, or  in South Carolina, or if Gideon was ever in love with Scotty.  But we know that Scotty treated Gideon exactly as he treated his girlfriend Lucy, and to a lesser extent how Judy treated BJ.    

"Ok, so you're bi," Jesse concludes. 

Gideon protests that he's not bi, but his parents are so supportive, or he is so uncomfortable with the conversation, that he just lets it go, leaving the question open.

I suspect that the showrunners were unsure, when they planned the scene, if Gideon was going to be bisexual or not. They fuged by giving him no expressed romantic or erotic interest in anyone in Seasons 2 and 3,  The Kelvin/Keefe and BJ/Judy relationship plotlines were enough. 

You made your choice:  Later that night, Scotty returns to the compound.  Security chief Brock waves him through (Gideon really should have told him that Scotty is no longer welcome.)  Remember that his blackmail van is in Kelvin's garage?  He breaks the van through the garage door.  Keefe sees him but thinks it's just one of Jesse's car pranks.  Scotty then kidnaps Jesse and Gideon and takes them to Eli's house, where Eli  hands over the key to the church vault.  

At the church, after they load up the money, Scotty ties Jesse and Gideon back-to-back in the church vault, where they'll be rescued Monday morning,  and punches them.  "We could have been a killer team, the pussy brothers of Thailand," he tells Gideon. "Coordinating low-budget kung fu pics during the day, slammin' ass at night."  Presumably he means girls, but you never know.  

"But you made your choice, and you broke my fuckin' heart."  Wait -- Jesse said earlier that betrayal by a "loved one" can break your heart.  

It appears that Scotty actually had romantic feelings for Gideon..  He just didn't know how to express or experience. love without manipulation, threat, and control.

Bonus Thai dicks after the break