"Fit Hot Guys Have Problems, Too"

I know what people think when they see me:

That I'm so hot, it's insane

When I exit a pool, I do it in slow motion.

But that doesn't mean I can't complain.

Don't look at me, I'm not flexing for you.

I have almost no body fat,

But I'm too bummed to talk about that.

I know I look much better than you,

But fit hot guys have problems too.

Everyone is at my sexual mercy,

Be they a mister or a miss.

But when they're on their knees,

I get no sympathy

More after the break

Because they can only see this.

My pecs are perfect, but I have bad days.

So don't objectify me with your male or female gaze.

I had childhood traumas, just like you.

'Cause fit hot guys have problems too.

--"Fit Hot Guys," from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

See also: Double Vision, with nude photos of Gideon and Keefe

"Bullet Train": Eleven assassins, Brad Pitt, and queerbaiting on the train from Tokyo to Kyoto. With some nude dudes

 

Friday's Movie Night movie was Bullet Train (2022), starring Brad Pitt as a professional assassin assigned to do an "easy" job, grab a briefcase full of money, on the bullet train that travels the 440 km (220 miles) from Tokyo to Kyoto in two hours. He doesn't realize that the train is crowded with other assassins, professional and amateur.

1. The Father, Andrew Koiji, wants revenge on The Prince, a gang lord who had his son thrown off a building.  

2. The Prince is also on the train, but he doesn't recognize her. She forces him to retrieve the money and load it with explosives, to assassinate her estranged father, #6, below.

3.-4. Tangerine and Lemon, Andrew Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry, a queerbait couple.  After nearly two hours of the two bickering, being affectionate, and discussing their life together, director David Leitch loses his nerve and makes them brothers.

They have rescued...

5. The Son, Logan Lerman, from kidnappers, and also retrieved the ransom money that Brad Pitt is supposed to steal.    But the Son is killed, I forget by whom, so....

6. The Son's father, Russian crime lord The White Death, Michael Shannon, shows up to kill Tangerine and Lemon and whoever else he thinks flubbed the job. 

Left: Michael Shannon's butt, for a change of pace

More assassins after the break

Joseph Cali: Nude model before Stonewall, John Travolta's disco buddy, soap opera hunk, Adonis Male

In 1968, a year before Stonewall, 18-year old Joseph Cali was playing chess and cruising in Washington Square Park in Manhattan when he was approached by George Haimsohn, author of Stories of the Homosexual Life, The Gay Psychedelic Sex Book, The Gay Coloring Book, A Summer on Fire Island, and the book and libretto for the musical Dames at Sea, which was currently playing off-Broadway.

Haimsohn was also a photographer, working under the name Plato, and invited Joe to model. 

His first full frontal photo appears in a 1968 issue of Go Guys.  The text says that Joe is a "fast shooting star on the physique horizon....well equipped to handle himself in any tight spot."  Tell me more, tell me more, did he get very far?

  

The photo set and magazine work paid for Joe's tuition at Siena College, where he led anti-war protests, starred in the play Drunkard, and worked as a stage manager for The Gingham Dog. 

 

He moved to Los Angeles in 1973, and continued to pose for the Model of the Month Club and Photozique, while making the rounds of auditions.

Joe's big break came in 1977, when he was cast as Joey, best buddy of John Travolta's Tony in the disco drama Saturday Night Fever

More Brooklyn-disco roles followed, including Flatbush, a tv series about a gang called the Fungos.  Joe starred as Presto opposite Adrian Zmed as Socks.  It only lasted for six episodes.

He got 19 episodes of Today's FBI in 1981-82 as Nick, the "Ethnic" member of the team according to Wikipedia.  I'm not sure what his ethnicity was.

More Joseph Cali after the break. Warning: Explicit

Eight Halifax hunks, bulging Bluenoses, and naked New Brunswickers

 

I don't remember the last time I posted on a Canadian tv series, but there were a lot of naked guys from Nova Scotia and Newfoundland left over that have been sitting in my "to post" file for ages.  

We'll start with a  New Brunswicker from St. Johns,   

Ginger violinist from Antigonish, on the Celtic coast of Nova Scotia

Antigonish selfie

Celtic church 

A statue of footballer Cristiano Ronaldo that fans have been rubbing "for luck."  It's in Portugal, so why did I post it in a collection of Canadian photos?  

Um...have you seen the bulge?

A bluenose is a Nova Scotian, like this guy aroused by a refrigerator in Halifax

More after the break

"Muscle & Fitness": Searching for the Kelvin cover, with Weatherford butt and Lesnar dick

 

In Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.5, the flashback to 1993, four-year old Kelvin has a cover of Muscle & Fitness on the wall of his room. 

 

Not featuring Dick Stark, top photo, or Steve Weatherford, left. 

I've never heard of either, but apparently they were famous enough to rate covers and nude photos.

You can only see Kelvin's cover for a second before Judy turns off the light. Notice that it's positioned very low, at Kelvin's height.  

Being a research fan, I looked through the entire Muscle & Fitness cover gallery to find the issue chosen by the set dresser.  Notice that it shows a man with very short hair, arms akimbo.

I worked at Muscle & Fitness in the 1990s.  Joe Weider was extremely homophobic, worried about gay men reading our magazine, so almost every cover featured a man and a woman together.  A number featured just women.  The only male-only covers during my four years at Muscle and Fitness featured a celebrity, usually Arnold Schwarzenegger, but sometimes Lou Ferrigno or a sports figure.

More after the break

Miles Burris: Bodybuilder/footballer/family man "will come upon you." Plus some random dicks

 

Former football player Miles Burris broke into acting with roles as football players in Starwood and Safety, and a lot of buffed guys: Rip Hardcore in The Really Loud House,  Triple H in Young Rock, Huge Guy #1 in Gym Rat and Mr. America in Federation.

He played Lucifer's dudebro brother Jophiel in a 3-episode story arc on Lucifer.

In Season 2 of The Righteous Gemstones, he plays, God Squad bodybuilder Titus, who begins the decline and fall of Kelvin's God Squad cult.  He'd rather exercise than listen to a Bible story. When he is sentenced to a week in the tiger cage as punishment, he exclaims: "Retribution will come upon you, and I'll do the coming."

Sounds ok, dude, but I prefer oral

Miles discusses how he prepared for the role: by watching a lot of youtube videos about Christian muscle groups.  "They would lift their brothers and rip phone books."

Miles' instagram features lots of humorous reels poking fun at the buffed-guy experience.  They tend to be entirely heterosexist, assuming that the only reason guys work out is to get girls, but some of them are funny.

Miles of Miles after the break

That 90s Show, Episode 1.5: Ozzie comes out, teen boys try out a hot tub, and there's pot-smoking. Plus Ashton Kutcher's cock

  

I only watched a few episodes of That 70s Show (1998-2006), but I saw enough to know the basic plot: a group of high schoolers, nerdish Eric Forman and girlfriend Donna, prettyboy Kelso and girlfriend Jackie, rebel Hyde, and foreign exchange student Fez, gather in Eric's basement to smoke pot, hook up, and make fun of Fez for being nonwhite and gay-coded (although actually heterosexual).  

Left: Grown-up Fez, played by Wilmer Valderrama.

I only remember one gay reference: they give a guy two tickets to a rock concert, and he shows up with a same sex date!  The guys are disgusted, but Donna says "It doesn't bother me."   Apparently there's another episode, with Eric "mistaken for gay." but I never saw it. 

The sequel That 90's Show (2023), fast forwards to 1995, when a new group of teenagers led by 14-year old Leia hang out in the iconic Forman basement.  They don't smoke pot -- this is the pot-phobic 90s -- but they hookup.  And this time diversity has reached Milwaukee: there are three non-white and one gay character, Ozzie, played by Reyn Do.  I reviewed the episode where he comes out.

Scene 1:  Ozzie is setting up a computer for the Grandparents.  Grandpa Red complains.  Grandma Kitty is excited but clueless.

Scene 2: In the iconic basement, Prettyboy Nate (Maxwell Acee Donovan) is showing Girlfriend Nikki an ad for a free hot tub.  "But it's contaminated with other people's juices!" she complains.  "Until we contaminate it with our juices!"  Hey, that's dirty! 

Meanwhile, Focus Girl Leia tells  Hunk Jay (Mace Coronel) that she wants to be "just friends."  He is distraught. Plot complication: she's actually interested, but too shy to admit it!

Fan plot dump: Leia is the daughter of Eric and Donna, and Jay is the son of Kelso and Jackie, all of whom have guest spots on at least one episode.  Hyde is never mentioned, as actor Danny Masterson is currently incarcerated on a rape conviction, and Fez appears regularly as a swishy but heterosexual hairdresser.

Wait -- When That 70s Show ended, it was 1980, naturally, and this is 1995.  Those girls mst have gotten pregnant at the wrap-up party.

Scene 3: Up in the kitchen, Ozzie explains to Focus Girl Leia that he's planning to come out to Grandma Kitty, as Step 7 in his 16-step coming out plan: first strangers, then people he doesn't see often, then people he sees all the time, and finally his parents.  In the 90s you didn't come out to anyone, ever, so this is quite ambitious.  

Scene 4:  Prettyboy Nate and Hunk Jay go to investigate the free hot tub. 

Nate: "This is better than that time we found the nude beach...until we saw my coach doing lunges."  Jay: "This is what my life feels like right now: a sandy, saggy sack."  Hey, are they talking about his testicles?

They play "vagina hands": they put their hands together, open them up, and Jay shoves his face inside and ..um...hey, that's dirty!

The elderly lady who owns the tub suggests that they try it out first.  

Cut to the three of them in the tub in bathing suits.  She proceeds to flirt.  They are uncomfortable. Hey, writers, the actors are over 18, but the characters are 14 or 15-years old.  This isn't funny, it's cringey.

Ozzie comes out after the break