We've been watching VisionQuest (2026), the third in the trilogy of tv series that started with Wandavision (2021) and continued with Agatha All Along (2024). This one features Vision (Paul Bettany butt left), as far as I can figure out, a robot created to do evil, who broke away from his programming when he fell in lurve with Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch. Now he's in hiding because everyone is out to kill him for some reason. Plus he reunited with his long lost son (you got two sons. Did you forget about Wiccan?).
I totally can't stand this ferkackte series. I'd turn it off and remove it from my recommendations, but my partner has to watch anything Marvel-oriented.
1. You need Wikipedia, the fan wiki, and your five-volume encyclopedia of Marvel characters to understand the many obscure references.
2. It is intensely, utterly heteronormative. Vision goes into nauseating detail about Wanda (now deceased), the love of his life, his reason for living. He gets a job in an Edinburgh dive pupb because that's where he and Scarlet used to go on their cheapskate dates. He carved their initials into a table top. (so instead of arresting him for vandalism, the pub owner hires him?)
3. Ruaridh Mollica, who is bi in real life, notes that he was able to bring "his authentic bisexual" self to the character of Vision's son Tommy. Except Tommy is deeply, deeply in love with the Girl of His Dreams and never once glances at a cute guy, or even mentions that he is bi in a throwaway line, like Loki did.
And I'm all for age gaps in romantic relationships, but sorry, the old guy's hand on Biphobic Ruaridh's nubile young butt (not from VisionQuest) is mega-cringe.
In his brain, Vision lives in a country estate, with some AIs from other Marvel Cinematic Universes captured, given humiliating names, and forced to become his servants. D.U.M.E., pronounced "dumb" (Henry Lewis, right) and U, pronounced "you" (Jonathan Sayer, left) work maintenance.
U is much shorter than D.U.M.E. or VisionCrap. A Short Guy? Maybe this show is redeemable after all.
Research about Jonathan Sayer turned out to be difficult.
1. Google asks "Are you absolutely sure that you mean Jonathan Sayer? I'm sure you must mean Jonathan Sawyer, because no one on Earth could ever have such a bizarre last name. Ok, if you insist, I'll check, but you're wasting your time. No such name...oh, I guess there is one. But there are 53,000 Jonathan Sawyers. Actors, musicians, porn stars. Are you sure?"
2. Jonathan Sayer (sorry, Google) has no photos on the IMDB, so I figured that he was an obscure actor, maybe with his first on-screen role, and I could have fun researching him. Wrong. He's mega-super-famous, but only in Britain, where he's been a fixture on tv and the stage for 15 years. .
3. He's 5'10", not a short guy. He just short-baits by surrounding himself with with 6'9" giants.
Dude better be gay and have played gay characters, or I'm outta here.
More after the break
Searching for "Jonathan Sayer" and "gay" reveals this photo. So far, so good.
Johnny Boy was born in 1988 in Ashton-under-whatever, one of those English villages with a quaint name and a Pizza Hut.
In 2008, while studying at the London Academy of Posh Stuff, he and boyfriends Henry Shields and Henry Lewis (the guy playing D.U.M.E.) founded the Mischief Theatrical Company, and started churning out plays which propelled them into super-stardom. At least in Britain. At least in Ashton-under-whatever:
The Play That Goes Wrong (2012): a murder mystery production goes wrong. It goes wrong every year on the West End, with different actors, like a Christmas pantomime.
Peter Pan Goes Wrong (2013): The comedy troupe doesn't realize that Peter Pan is supposed to be a pantomime, with disastrous results. Jonathan (right) and David Hearn (center) play John and Michael Darling, Wendy's brothers.
Nobody outside of Britain has any idea what a pantomime is. That's why we find productions of Peter Pan so creepy.
The Comedy about a Bank Robbery (2016): A bank robbery goes wrong.
Groan-Ups, Magic Goes Wrong, Mind Manglers, Thesbians, and so on.
Jonathan's on-screen acting credits include two of the Goes Wrong plays, plus:
An episode of Holby City (2012). He plays a patient in the medical drama.
The Goes Wrong Show (2019-21): "goes wrong" comedy sketches.
This screenshot must be from one of the Goes Wrong sketches. I think Jonathan is the guy in the Puritan lady's cap.
Not a lot of gay content there, Regular Sized Rudy. But you can still redeem yourself: are you gay in real life? You seem to spend every waking moment with Henry Lewis. Are you boyfriends, or just queerbaiting? .
WTF?
Let's review:
Short-baiting
Obscure-bating
No gay content.
Straight in real life.
The photo where he's smooching a dude: somebody else.
His queer-baiting buddy, Henry Lewis, is probably straight, too. I'm not even going to research him, or look for dick pics.
Well, maybe one.
Wandavision: More Sitcom than Science Fiction
The History of Peter Pan Nightmares
No comments:
Post a Comment