That 90s Show, Episode 3.6: Ozzie dates, Theo gets groped, and the Human Erection gets dumped. WIth Theo and Noah nudes

That 90s Show is a nostalic spin-off of That 70s Show, set 20 years later, with the children of the original cast hanging out in that basement: Jay, the pretty one (Mace Coronel, left); Nate, the stupid one (Maxwell Acee Donovan); Ozzie, the gay one (Reyn Doi); and three or four girls, it's hard to keep track.

While the other teens merge in and out of complicated love triangles and quadrangles, Ozzie is always being stymied in his quest for the elusive penis.  He has a long-distance boyfriend in Canada, who dumps him before we can meet him, and then a lost connection with Isaac (Raphael Alejandro) in Season 3.  I'm reviewing the episode where they go on their first date, "Life is a Highway."

Scene 1: Grandma Kitty, Grandpa Red, and Gwen's mom  are in the kitchen, doing stuff with meat, when Gwen's Dad Otis (Cedric Yarbrough) arrives with a big announcement: he was hit by a mail truck, and settled for $20,000, so he cand take a break from his truck driving job and spend some time with "his girls."

Gwen's Mom reveals a problem: whenever Gwen's Dad bangs into town, he's so charming that Mom jumps into bed with him, and then they start arguing, and Gwen is in the middle of it. Easy, Grandma Kitty says: "I'll just keep you from having sex with him."

Scene 2: Dad Otis is cooking in preparation for the big barbecue when his daughter Gwen and focus character Leia enter, wanting truck-driving lessons.

Scene 3: At the barbecue, Nate the Stupid One complains that he can't break up with his overbearing girlfriend, Betsy. He tried to break up, and she said "No."  Hey, wasn't this plot on Seinfeld around 1996?  

Dad Otis commiserates:  "I been there -- you lay the pipe too clean, the wild ones never let you go." Ulp, he's talking about Jay the Pretty One's sister!  

Ok, how to break up with her: "Tell her that you cheated with that little hottie." Ulp, he's talking about Jay's girlfriend! 

Scene 4: Nikki, yet another member of the basement gang, and Ozzie meet in the diner. 

Nikki's  problem: Her boyfriend, Theo (Anthony Turpel), just wants to kiss, and she's ready to go downtown, but he's shy, and she's never had to make the first move before.  Her last boyfriend was Nate the Stupid One, aka the Human Erection-- she'd just look down, and his cock would be in her hand. Whoa, these are teenagers. Let's keep it G-rated!

How can Nikki subtly inform him that she wants sex?  Ozzie suggests going to a movie, making sure there's a box of popcorn on his lap, reaching for some, and missing.  Where'd you learn that trick, boy?  Isn't this your first date?

Anthony Turpel, age 24, probably has some beefcake or nudes online.  I'll check after the break.

Ozzie's problem: He can't go to a kid's movie on his first date, but for a R-rated, he needs adults to buy the tickets.  

He asks Sonny and Bunch, an aging hippie couple, or heterosexual life partners -- it's hard to tell. They don't display any heterosexual interest in this episode, but they're played by Jay and Silent Bob, aka Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.  

They get all excited because they don't have any kids of their own, and will welcome the opportunity to become parents. 

In case you haven't seen Jason Mewes nude recently.

Scene 5: Nate the Human Erection tries to break up with Betsy by claiming that he cheated with "Amy Pasta."  But Betsy likes the idea, and suggests a three-way.  Hey, these are teenagers!

Scene 6: Ozzie and Isaac are alone at the movie -- until the guys arrive to cover their eyes if something inappropriate comes on, like blood or boobs.  Guys, boobs won't be a problem.  Now, let's talk penises.

Scene 7: Back at the barbecue, Gwen's Dad Otis was allowed to cook, and now the wieners are all shriveled.  Penis joke, har har.

 Also, Grandma Kitty was trying to prevent Gwen's parents from having sex, but they had sex anyway.  "It wasn't your fault.  Trying to stop us made it hotter."

Dad Otis also blew off the big, important truck-driving lesson, letting his daughter down, so Leia and Gwen drive off by themselves, with no lessons. 

More after the break. Caution: it gets even more explicit.

"That 90s Show" Episode 2.4: We meet Ozzie's boyfriend, sort of. Plus nude photos of 90s teen idol Brian Austin Green

16 years after we said goodbye to the kids smoking pot in the Forman basement on That 70s Show, their own kids have returned in That 90s Show.  The premise: Eric and Donna's daughter Leia spends the summer with her grandparents, and has humorous misadventures with Michael and Jackie's son (Mace Coronel) and some other teens.  Except now it's a more diverse crew: Ozzie, played by Reyn Doi, is Asian and gay.  

The grandparents are still around, the original gang pops in from time to time, and there are guest spots from a lot of iconic teen hunks from the  1990s , such as Seth Green, left, Kevin Smith, Kadeem Hardison, and Brian Austin Green -- bonus dick and butt pics below.

I reviewed Episode 2.4, where we meet Ozzie's Canadian boyfriend, Etienne. Sort of.

Scene 1: In the iconic basement, Ozzie is excited that Etienne is coming to visit.  The Hunk, Mace Coronel, sits with his arm around his girlfriend.  The Dumb One, Maxwell Acee Donovan, has broken up with his girlfriend.  A lot of heterosexual coupling going on.  

The guys offer to give Ozzie a ride to the airport in their van, but Ozzie asked Mrs. Foreman to do it: he doesn't want Etienne to get off the plane and hate America.  What about his parents?  Oh, regular cast only.

Gwen enters and introduces them to her new "not my boyfriend," Cole, played by Niles Fitch. 

Ozzie tells him that he ranks guys on looks, popularity, communiy service, and butt.  He's #1.  Cole: "I know.  I got your letter."  At least this isn't a neutered gay guy.

Everyone razzes Gwen: "Not your boyfriend, right!  No way you're not dating!" 

Scene 2: Red, the father from That 70s Show, is reading the newspaper and drinking coffee.  He asks, "Can you top me off, Honey?"  

"Sure, Babe," but it's not his wife Kitty, it's Ozzie, har har.  He wants to know where Kitty is: she agreed to drive him to the airport, and they have to leave soon. 

Next door neighbor Bob ( Don Stark),  also Leia's other grandfather, wants to show Red his rattlesnake eggs.  "No one will fall for that prank," Red complains.  But Kitty falls for it, and she's so surprised that she topples over the couch!

Scene 3: Kitty has sprained her ankle.  She told the neighborhood ladies about her injury, maybe exaggerating a little, or a lot -- "I may have said I had a collapsed lung" -- so they are bringing over casseroles.  

Neighbor Bob advises against lying about the severity of her injury: once you reach a certain age, the number of available men goes into sharp decline, so if they think that Kitty is dying, they'll latch onto her husband...

Scene 4: Gwen, the one who's not-dating the new guy Cole, yells at the other girl -- about that "boyfriend" stuff.  "Now he wants to have a talk about us! He wants to be my boyfriend!"  

The other girl doesn't understand what's wrong with that.  Isn't it the goal of life? 

"I....um...have never been in a relationship before.  I'm nervous."   

"Just hold his hand and leave your heart open." Ugh.

Scene 5: Since Grandma Kitty can't drive, Ozzie has to allow the guys to drive him to the airport in their van. They agree to "no hot-boxing, no Dutch Ovens, no mooning, and no Jay Leno impressions."

Scene 6:  One of the girls reports back to Kitty about the ladies flirting with Red: Pam is cooking him chicken.  Kitty imagines her as singer Carmen Electra hanging all over him and cooking seductively: "Do you want to shake or bake?"  She forces the girl to piggy-back her downstairs and yells "Get away from him, you slut!", but it turns out to be an elderly lady.

Scene 7: At the airport, Ozzie is nervous. The passengers from Quebec arrive. The Dumb One: "I never realized how much Canadians look like us."  But boyfriend Etienne isn't there!

Meanwhile, Gwen tells Leia that she broke up with "not my boyfriend" Cole. 

"But he could be the love of your life. My parents met in high school."  Eric and Donna?  Aren't they divorced?

Suddenly Cole appears. They have a heart-to-heart: "I'm scared," yada yada yada.  Why does the straight couple get a happy ending, while the gay guy gets left at the airport door?   

More after the break

That 90s Show, Episode 1.5: Ozzie comes out, teen boys try out a hot tub, and there's pot-smoking. Plus Ashton Kutcher's cock

  

I only watched a few episodes of That 70s Show (1998-2006), but I saw enough to know the basic plot: a group of high schoolers, nerdish Eric Forman and girlfriend Donna, prettyboy Kelso and girlfriend Jackie, rebel Hyde, and foreign exchange student Fez, gather in Eric's basement to smoke pot, hook up, and make fun of Fez for being nonwhite and gay-coded (although actually heterosexual).  

Left: Grown-up Fez, played by Wilmer Valderrama.

I only remember one gay reference: they give a guy two tickets to a rock concert, and he shows up with a same sex date!  The guys are disgusted, but Donna says "It doesn't bother me."   Apparently there's another episode, with Eric "mistaken for gay." but I never saw it. 

The sequel That 90's Show (2023), fast forwards to 1995, when a new group of teenagers led by 14-year old Leia hang out in the iconic Forman basement.  They don't smoke pot -- this is the pot-phobic 90s -- but they hookup.  And this time diversity has reached Milwaukee: there are three non-white and one gay character, Ozzie, played by Reyn Do.  I reviewed the episode where he comes out.

Scene 1:  Ozzie is setting up a computer for the Grandparents.  Grandpa Red complains.  Grandma Kitty is excited but clueless.

Scene 2: In the iconic basement, Prettyboy Nate (Maxwell Acee Donovan) is showing Girlfriend Nikki an ad for a free hot tub.  "But it's contaminated with other people's juices!" she complains.  "Until we contaminate it with our juices!"  Hey, that's dirty! 

Meanwhile, Focus Girl Leia tells  Hunk Jay (Mace Coronel) that she wants to be "just friends."  He is distraught. Plot complication: she's actually interested, but too shy to admit it!

Fan plot dump: Leia is the daughter of Eric and Donna, and Jay is the son of Kelso and Jackie, all of whom have guest spots on at least one episode.  Hyde is never mentioned, as actor Danny Masterson is currently incarcerated on a rape conviction, and Fez appears regularly as a swishy but heterosexual hairdresser.

Wait -- When That 70s Show ended, it was 1980, naturally, and this is 1995.  Those girls mst have gotten pregnant at the wrap-up party.

Scene 3: Up in the kitchen, Ozzie explains to Focus Girl Leia that he's planning to come out to Grandma Kitty, as Step 7 in his 16-step coming out plan: first strangers, then people he doesn't see often, then people he sees all the time, and finally his parents.  In the 90s you didn't come out to anyone, ever, so this is quite ambitious.  

Scene 4:  Prettyboy Nate and Hunk Jay go to investigate the free hot tub. 

Nate: "This is better than that time we found the nude beach...until we saw my coach doing lunges."  Jay: "This is what my life feels like right now: a sandy, saggy sack."  Hey, are they talking about his testicles?

They play "vagina hands": they put their hands together, open them up, and Jay shoves his face inside and ..um...hey, that's dirty!

The elderly lady who owns the tub suggests that they try it out first.  

Cut to the three of them in the tub in bathing suits.  She proceeds to flirt.  They are uncomfortable. Hey, writers, the actors are over 18, but the characters are 14 or 15-years old.  This isn't funny, it's cringey.

Ozzie comes out after the break