Ansel Pierce: "Duster" Baby Face and "Euphoria" BIg Dick, with Rat Boy, Chubby Guy, and West Hollywood digressions

 

In Duster Episode 1.4, 1970s mob driver Jim Ellis (why not name him Duster?) and the boss's Probably Gay Son (Josh Holloway, Benjamin Charles Watson) are transporting Howard Hughes' car across the Arizona desert, when they almost crash into a car being driven by two guys who aren't named, so I'll call them Rat Boy (left) and Baby Face (right).  

They look like  Mormon missionaries, but their bumper sticker says "Vacuums suck," so they may be salesmen. 

Jim/Duster and Probably Gay Son stop at Floyd's Gas and Go, and the guys follow.  Ulp, their trunk is filled with guns, cables, ropes, and baseball bats embedded with spikes.  They're baddies!  While Jim/Duster is occupied with an unrelated assassination attempt, the Mormon missionary-baddies beat up the mechanic and the Probably Gay Son, and steal the car!   

Jim/Duster and his assassin-turned-ally track them down and kill them, Baby Face with a knife to his head (through an open car window while they're driving side by side), and Rat Boy with a shot in the back.

We learn no more about the characters, but I wanted to research the actors, especially Baby Face.

Rat Boy is played by Garrett Young, who has 13 acting credits on IMDB, including Timid Pimps, Other People's Heads (where he played a head), and Chicago Justice/Med/Fire. 

As a stage actor, he has appeared in John Proctor is the Villain on Broadway, Clyde's, and The Oresteia.  

His Instagram has the "no women," "a lot of hugging guys," and "world's best uncle" gay codes until you get to the very end, where there are a lot of photos of his wife and kid.

On to Baby Face.

We've seen him before -- a lot of him.  He is Ansel Wolf Pierce, best known as Caleb, a recurring character in Euphoria Season 2, and particularly for the house party scene in Episode 2.1: Cassie is hiding in the bathtub when he comes in and sits on the toilet, revealing a..Holy sh*t, that thing is huge!  Noticing her, he apologizes: "You're really hot but I still gotta take a sh*t."  She doesn't mind.

I repeat: Holy sh*t, that thing is huge!

We see his backside, too, but who was paying attention?

Plus Ansel has a social media presence, for a change.

A "versatile young talent making waves in the world of modeling and acting" (and d*cks), he graduated from Fossil Ridge High School in Fort Collins, Colorado, in 2018, then studied business at the University of Colorado.  

While he was in college, a photographer noticed him (and his d*ck) and invited him to L.A. for a fashion shoot.  He decided that modeling would be his career.

Today Ansel is represented by Wilhelmina Models, where he is listed as 6'2", waist 38, shoe size 12, d*ck size  -- well, we already know about that.

More after the break

Paradise: Gay-subtext President and Secret Service Guy, annoying cliches, murder, a silly plot twist, and James Marsden

A tv series called Paradise just dropped on Hulu, recalling the annoying Netflix habit of impossible-to-research one-word titles.  But the icon shows two men and a woman, and the first episode icon, two men together.  So maybe some gay characters, or at least a gay subtext buddy bond.  Let's check.

Scene 1: Xavier (Sterling K. Brown) wakes up on one side of a bed, feels the pillow on the other side, and flashes his wedding ring.  Annoying cliche #1: Dead wife.  Heterosexual identity established in a gesture at Minute 1.  He morosely gets up, dresses with just enough beefcake to show his scars, and writes messages in marker: "Eat me first!"; "Get brushed!" "Dress your teeth."  Har-har.

He leaves to go jogging, greeting the neighbor in his vine-covered nuclear family house, through Annoying Cliche #2: a small town that looks like it's the 1950s -- past a store with one of those toy horse rides outside, for chrissakes.  They're all setting up for the big, important carnival. 

Past a rich dude's house, where Agent Pace (Jon Beavers) jokes that he's getting old and about to have a heart attack (Sterling K. Brown is only 49; you can run into your 80s).  

He counters that Agent Pace runs a 14 minute mile. "But I lift, dude."   

"But...the world's biggest biceps don't make up for the world's smallest dick." Annoying Cliche #3: The size of your dick correlates with your worth as a human being.  These guys are both jerks.

Scene 2: Back home.  Annoying Cliche #4: teenage daughter and preteen son. Why can't it ever, just once, be the other way around? They discuss his diet -- he's getting fat -- and his inability to sleep since the Wife Died.

Left: Sterling K. sort-of smiling.  His character displays only two emotions, anger and sadness.

Xavier eats his daughter's eggs instead of his own, creepily grabs and threatens to tickle her, and Annoying Cliche #4: kisses the top of her head.  

The son is reading James and the Giant Peach. Xavier disapproves.  Why?  It's about a boy whose parents are killed by a rampaging rhinocerous, so he is sent to live with his abusive aunts...oh.

Scene 3: Back to the rich person's house.  Agent Pace had to go home to use the bathroom, so Jane is working in his place.  Xavier goes through the gate, past the fountain and into the house, where two other agents, Rainier and Brooks, meet him.  "Rich guy isn't up yet, and it's 10:00 am."  He must be getting special security due to a death threat. 

Through the house -- all white, with ferns -- past pictures of Rich Guy and his buddies.

Up the stairs, knocking on the door. "Mr. President."

Wait -- does he mean the President of the United States?  But this ain't the White House!  It could be a Mar-a-Lago sort of presidential retreat. 

He bursts in to find the President dead on the floor,  in a pool of blood.

Scene 4: Five Years Earlier: The President (James Marsden, top photo) asks Xavier (left) to remove his shoes before entering his office (not the Oval Office).  He won the election last night, as the incumbent, but his opponent "had the brain of  Goldendoodle" (isn't being stupid a requirement for the job?).   He wants Xavier to be his lead secret service agent, or rather "by my side for the next four years -- and after." He mentions his future retirement without mentioning "beautiful women" -- queer code.

But why Xavier?  "You're the best, and you're black."  Why, are you into black guys?  He's a Southerner, so he can't have an all-white staff.  

The President prides himself on being an outsider,  unconventional, but able to make the hard decisions, because "The world is 19 times more fucked up than anyone realizes."

Scene 5: Back to the present.  Xavier notices two glasses, one empty; a cigarette on the floor; and something missing from the dressing room safe.  Also, in a photo of the President with his family, someone drew horns on his wife (Cassidy Freeman, Amber on The Righteous Gemstones).  

His son is played by Charlie Evans, left.  Unfortunately, that's also the name of a female actor who takes off her clothes a lot, so I can't research any beefcake for him. To get even, I'm putting a random n*de dude after the break.

Xavier calls for a lockdown, says he needs 30 minutes, and starts crying. So, you and the President were good buddies, huh?

Scene 6: Flashback to  the end of Xavier's first day in the secret service.  The President notes that he and his wife hate each other -- she'll leave him as soon as he's out of office-- and asks if Xavier has a wife and kids. Why, to see if he's available for snogging?  

"Only two kids?  Good.  It's a smart move to not have kids right now."  Why, global warming?

Scene 7: In the present, Xavier calls Agent Pace and orders him back to the house.  He resists, so Xavier says"It's bad.  It's really bad."

He heads to the basement to talk to Mike Garcia (Eddie Diaz), who is staffing the security cameras, to go through the President's day.  Workout, got out of his bathrobe for the first time in a week, coffee with Sinatra (don't get excited, it's a woman with a man's name).

Xavier was there: he remembers the President and Sinatra arguing about who has the biggest balls. 

Left: Marsden's backside

Then the President made pasta (from scratch) for dinner with his son, but the guy bailed on him and ate with his mother.   Then his usual (female) bedroom partner arrived. After the bedroom visit, he visited with his father, who stays in the guest house, then went to bed. Last person to see him was -- Xavier!

More after the break

"Dashing in December": Campy Christmas romcom with gay guys and a ranch that needs saving. Plus Neil Patrick Harris's butt

I was recommended Dashing in December, a Christmas romcom advertised on Amazon Prime as a tv series, for some reason.  The blurb gives the standard plotline: Big City careers are stupid, go home for Christmas and find love.  The twist: Big City is a guy!  It will take about 10 minutes of screen time for the big reveal: he's gay!

Scene 1: Establishing shot of NYC.  Big, Important Financial Planner Wyatt (Peter Porte) is at an office Christmas party, miserable amid the talk of husbands and wives.  He and Lindsey broke up in October, so he'll be alone!  At Christmas! Hey, I thought Wyatt was gay.  Has he not figured it out yet, or is Lindsey a made-up girlfriend? 

"What went wrong?" the Big Boss wants to know. "I thought you and Lindsey were perfect for each other."  So they've met?  Maybe Lindsey is a beard? Or maybe he's bi?

 "The nonstop trips to the Cape, the five-star restaurants every night. I want someone with simple, down-home tases."  Should have thought of that before you moved to the Big City, Dude. 

More plot: this is the first Christmas since Dad passed away, so Mom is depressed, so he's going back to the ranch in Colorado.  10,000 to one he finds love there.

Hey, the hot bartender (Eric Meroño, left) grins at Wyatt!  If you came in cold, this would be your first clue that Wyatt might not be straight, but I'll bet not one viewer in 100 catches it

Scene 2: Establishing shot of a beautiful ranch in Colorado. Wyatt's Mom brings tea to her workers: a girl and Heath (Juan Pablo de Pace, below).  She announces that Wyatt is coming home for Christmas, for the first time in five years.  Heath has only been working there for three years, so they've never met, but the girl is his High School Girlfriend. Whoa, Wyatt really racks up the babes.  

"Won't your husband, who is out of the country working for Doctors Without Borders, be jealous of your ex-boyfriend visiting?" Heath asks. 

High School Girlfriend, grinning: "I...don't...think so."  Her certainty is another clue.

Heath leaves, and High School Girlfriend interrogates Mom: "Heath doesn't know about Wyatt?" 

 "Well, I couldn't just tell him, could I?"  Tell him what, Mom?  What about your son is such a problem that you're afraid to tell your employee about it?

"Well, does Wyatt know about Heath?"  

"What could I say: you guys are both gay?"  The big reveal!   Why all the circumlocution and misdirection?  Probably the same rationale as not revealing that a tv character is gay until Season 2: you want the viewers to become invested in the story first, so they won't run away in homophobic horror. 

Wait -- Ranch Hand Heath is gay, too?  So what's the problem? This will be a very short romcom. Wyatt's plane lands, sparks fly, mistletoe, the end.

Scene 3:  Heath giving two moms and two kids (a lesbian couple?) a tour of Santa's Workshop. By horse-drawn carriage, not sleigh: there's no snow on the ground. 

Meanwhile, Wyatt arrives. pulls out his luggage, and grimaces. Yuck, back at the place I found so oppressive as growing up!   Mom hugs him and immediately envisions him having kids. Geez, Lady, wait until he's in the house before pressuring him to get married and have kids. 

Wait -- if Wyatt is gay, what's up with the ex-girlfriend Lindsey?  Mom references them with he/him pronouns -- yep, he was a guy with a girl's name, a misdirection to fool us before the big reveal.  Or Wyatt has a thing for gender-bending names: his High School Girlfriend is named Blake.   

Mom points out Heath: "He keeps the place going."  Wyat notices the lack of customers for Santa's Village, and criticizes him for not doing his job.  Yeah, Heath, get busy and make with the snowfall!

Scene 4: Heath and High School Girlfriend are heading to dinner, and to meet Wyatt.  Heath worries that he will be homophobic, but she reassures him: that won't be a problem.  So the guy who escaped Colorado, with its long history of homophobic legislation, for the freedom of a gay mecca, is homophobic?  

At dinner, Wyatt snipes at Heath (left), misnames him Hank, criticizes the terrible wine he brought, and ignores him to chat up High School Girlfriend. This isn't going well, but then neither of the guys knows that the other is gay.  

More misdirection after the break