"Stuart Fails to Save" two Brian Smiths and two Josh Brenners. One is gay-ish, one has j/o photos, one went to Harvard, and one is Santa Claus.

I didn't watch The Big Bang Theory (2007-2019) much; the girl-crazy horniness and casual homophobia were too annoying.  But I liked the prequel Young Sheldon (2017-2024), so I decided to give the spin-off Stuart Fails to Save the Universe (2026) a try: 

Stuart (Kevin Sussman), who owned the guys' comic book hangout, and his scoobies zap between parallel worlds, trying to fix the interdimensional transport device that threatens to destroy the universe.

After an episode and a half, I had enough.  The parallel worlds were dull, the jokes unfunny, and the guys spent too much time discussing their failures with women.  Stuart's side quest is to convince the Woman of His Dreams that they were destined to be together, so she should dump her arrogant jock boyfriend.

But I liked the guys shopping at the comic book store in each episode, Zack (Brian J. Smith, left) and Trevor (Josh Brenner). 

Plus, when I checked for nude photos, I scored with Brian (j/o photo after the break).

Brian J. Smith was born in Dallas in 1981, and received a B.A. from Collin College and a M.F.A. in drama from Juliard.  He has a number of theatrical credits, including A Clockwork Orange, The Glass Menagerie, and  Good Boys and True.  

His on-screen career begins with Hate Crime (2005), playing a gay man who is victimized by his next-door neighbor, son of a fundamentalist preacher.

A nice beginning, buddy. 

Stargate Universe (2011-13): Soldiers and civilians are trapped on a spaceship "billions of light years from Earth."  Brian plays Lt. Matthew Scott, second in command.  He's religious and straight, with several past and present girlfriends.

Sens8 (2015-18): A science fiction drama about eight strangers who share a psychic connection: they can actually zap into each other's consciousness.  At one point they have a giant orgy.  Brian plays Will Gorski, a Chicago police officer.  He is straight (except for the orgy), and gets a girlfriend.

Class of '09 (2023) refers to the FBI agents who graduated from Quantico in 2009, tracing their lives to the present (2023/2025) and future (2034). Brian plays Daniel Lennix, who becomes FBI Associate Deputy Director in "the present" and is retired in "the future."   He has a wife.

Ok, I found one: Haze (2024): A journalist (Cole Dolman, top) leaves rehab to return to his home town.  He hooks up with a local guy (Brian) while being depressed and investigating dark secrets.

Brian also directed A House is not a Disco (2024): "The present-day life experiences of those who live, work, and pursue a season of pleasure in the world's most radically queer, "homo-normative" community: Fire Island Pines.

Two gay characters and director of a gay documentary.  Not bad, but not great.  Let's see if the guy is gay in real life:

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Brandon Spink: The young Batman, Jackass, and Baelfire takes a girl to the prom but comes out later. Maybe. With two dick shots and a Super butt

Recently I profiled Mason McKenzie, who played Gideon in Once Upon a Time, where all of the Disney fantasy characters you've ever heard of are connected in a huge genealogy.  I thought I would research some of the other actors that gave me a gay vibe.  First up, femme boy Brandon Spink, who played Baelfire, son of Rumpelstiltskin and his first wife (making him Gideon's half-brother).  He is briefly swayed by the homoerotic freedom offered by Peter Pan's Lost Boys, but in the end accepts his heterosexual destiny and marries Emma Swan.  Their son becomes the Chosen One. 

Let's see if the same thing happened the real-life Brandon (center).

Spink, by the way, comes from an Old English word for "finch."  It's not dirty. 

According to an article in Oz Magazine, Brandon was born in 1995 in Marietta, Georgia, and began acting on stage at age seven, playing Captain Hook's life partner Smee in Peter Pan.  After minor parts in Game of Your Life (2011), with Nathan Kress, and Devil's Knot (2013), with Colin Firth, he hit the big time in 2015, playing the young version of the Jackass star  a tv pilot called Untitled Johnny Knoxville Project. 

The young Johnny is a prankster and rebel growing up in the "outlaw culture" of 1980s Knoxville, Tennessee. 

That same year, Brandon was cast as the young Bruce Wayne in Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016).  Playing the iconic figure was "a dream come true" for the boy.  Plus he got to work with Ben Affleck (grown-up Bruce), Henry Cavill (Superman), and Jeremy Irons (Alfred the Butler).

Next came Game of Silence (2016), with childhood secrets threatening a successful lawyer; the teenage Baelfire in Once Upon a Time (2017); Berlin Station (2017), about CIA agents in Germany; and a few show that I've never heard of.

Brandon's next big break was in Fear Street: Part Two (2021), the second in a trilogy about paranormal events in a small town in different historic periods.  In 1978, it's a summer camp with a serial killer.  Brandon's character, Will Goode, is the mayor of the town, with wife and kids, in Part 1 (1994).  As a teenager, he bullies the other teens and survives the slaughter.

There are lesbian characters in every Fear Street episode, but gay men do not exist.

In 2025 Brandon appeared in four episodes of the sports drama All American, as a random football player; and three episodes of NCIS: Origins, about the NCIS (Naval Criminal Investigation Service) in the 1990s, as the teenage version of agent Michael Franks (played by Michael Erik White, left).

Michael seems to be gay in real life, but the character is straight.  

In fact, all of Brandon's characters have been straight or straight-by-default. 

He'd better be gay in real life, or what am I doing this for?

More after the break

Survival of the Thickest: Mavis and her nemesis spar in Paris, Khalil and Luca "get closer," and who the heck is Lopez? With his dick and nude models.

I wasn't planning to review Survival of the Thickest, about a thick black woman finding body positivity as a fashion designer.  But Queerty said that it had gay representation, and one of the cast members, somebody with the last name Lopez (I didn't record the first name), appeared on the nude celebrity subreddit, so I figured I'd give it a shot. 

In Episode 3.4, "C'est la vie, Bitch," they visit Paris Fashion Week, while back in New York, Khalil and Luca "connect." They must be the gay couple, and there'll be shots of Paris. 

Khalil is played by Tone Bell, butt left.

Scene 1: Mavis and her friend on a tour bus, shouting "I'm a designer!"  They reach their destination, the Victoria Palace Hotel , but they're actually staying at the horrible hostel next door.

"It's got character," Mavis says, trying to look on the bright side. "It's got queef."  I think the word means a lady part fart.  It was used to insult Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones.  

"It smells like an 18th century pap smear."  A lot of lady part jokes.

She likes the doorknobs in the center, like a belly button, and asks the concierge if she can check his belly button.  He refuses.

Scene 2: Seven flights of stairs and a hallway bathroom, but there's a view of the Eiffel Tower from the window.  Of course -- on tv every Parisian hotel room looks out at the Eiffel Tower, even if  it's miles away and facing the wrong direction.   Mavis washes her breasts with a handi-wipe, while they discuss how far they've come in two years.

Whomp, someone farts.  Turns out that the ladies have a roommate sleeping under the covers in the top bunk.  

Scene 3: Luca (Marouane Zotti), the one who's going to connect with Khalil (hopefully by kissing), is counseling a refugee couple, assuring them that they'll get housing soon.  They also need a job.  "I promise that you'll..."

His coworker Donny Wang (Ronnie Chien) butts in to tell them that their chances are slim,  When they leave, he advises "Never promise anything.  Keep their expectations vague...."

In other news, a girl asked him to DJ at the strip club tonight.  

"Sorry. I have plans with friends," Luca tells him.

"Oh, I wasn't inviting you.  I was bragging about all the naked ladies I'm going to see."  Ugh, a character whose shtick is being hetero-horny.  

Scene 4: Mavis is giving a pep talk to her models, telling them to "eye fuck" everyone.  There are some androgynous and genderfuck types, and some plus-sized, like David Ventakapen (left).   They walk across a portico (with the Eiffel Tower in the background, of course) and get photographed.  Then Mavis is introduced to thunderous applause.   A journalist tells her that the genderfuck outfit has made her the Best New Renegade of Fashion Week, which comes with a Vogue cover.  And she's invited to the Vogue party tonight.  Wait -- she's the most renowned fashion designer in the world, but she's staying in a youth hostel?

Suddenly Mavis almost collapses in pain, but her friend tells her to dance it off.  Chekhov's Gun: This better be important.

And when are we getting to the Lopez guy?

Scene 5: They have time to kill before the Vogue party tonight, so we get a montage of the usual.  They want to take a boat tour, but the tour guide won' sell them tickets, even though the boat is only half full. And when they try to go to a restaurant, the waiter (Theo Pham) tellsl them that it's closed.  Racism plotline? About 10% of the French population has African ancestry, more in big cities.

They try a Senegalese restaurant in the Black neighborhood, Château Rouge in the 18th Arrondissement,  and are served immediately.   "I like Black Paris a little better than the rest of Paris," the Friend muses.

Khalil and Luca getting close after the break

Kelton Dumont's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: Birthday biceps, bare bums, bondage, rugger dicks, and Jacob Tremblay

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