Masterplan: French boy and Italian girl thieves plot to steal the...Mona Lisa. And don't fall in love. With Ivanir butt and nude French and Italian guys

  

Masterplan (2026), on Amazon Prime: Two strangers, a man and a woman, are charged with breaking into the Louvre and stealing...the Mona Lisa!  Sounds from the plot description that they'll be falling in love, but plot twist: they're siblings!   

Scene 1: A party in Rome, with muscular guys gyrating.  A young lady, probably Chiara, goes to the kitchen, grabs a tray of flaming drinks, and offers one to a sleazy guy sitting on a throne surrounded by ladies. She clicks a cell phone.  He reads his text: "Buy now!"  So it's spam?

He returns to his hotel room and checks out the investments on his computer, with Chiara on the balcony, hacked in.  He hears someone out there, and looks around.  Dude, she's standing right next to you. But he gets a text from a "Me so horny" girl, and leaves.

Chiara goes downstairs, gets on her scooter, and drives off.

Cut to the Place Vendôme in Paris. A heavilly disguised guy, probably Jay (Victor Belmondo) enters a hotel, sets a timer, and heads up to the Presidential Suite.  He breaks in, grabs some jewelry and stuff from the dressing room, but security is at the door!  He breaks through the wall, heads downstairs, and drives off.

Scene 2: Chiara in her elegant bedroom, eating an elegant breakfast and texting, Jay in his dumpy apartment, eating junk food and texting.  They get job offers simultaneously: a private residence break-in, paying 25,000 euros.

Cut to Lake Como, in the Italian Alps, on the Swiss border. They both show up for the break-in job, and exchange flirty banter. 

Jay works with explosives: "A little boom, sixty seconds in and out.  What do you say?"

Chiara: "Isn't that your Tinder profile?"  

Jay: "No, it's just Jay from Paris."  Heterosexual identity established at Minute 5.  

They continue to flirt as he tries to cut the power.   She bets him that it won't work; it doesn't, so he has to strip.  That's your brother, girl.

On into the house, and the safe with the stuff they're supposed to steal.  But it's empty.

"You passed the test," an English voice says.  "Bravo.  And bare-chested.  Interesting."  

"What do you care?" Jay asks angrily.  Hey, don't be homophobic.  Accept the femme gay guy's interest as a complement.

Scene 3: The femme guy is Roger, played by Stanley Tucci, a super-femme dude who you'll instantly tag as gay.  He's actually straight, but he's capitalized on his "obviously gay" presentation by playing a string of gay characters, so maybe Roger....

Rog tells them that Chiara is the best hacking thief in the world, and Jay is the best explosives thief. If he's so great, why does he live in a dump?  But he wanted to see if they could work together. 

They can, in spite of the constant flirting, so he wants to hire them for "the job of a lifetime," that will make them both billionaires.

Oh, by the way, he also wanted to hire them because he's their father.  He stole their toothbrushes and got DNA samples.  Here are the test results.

Cut to Jay calling his mother.  "So...um...did you hook up with an extremely feminine straight guy played by Stanley Tucci?"

"Oh, right, we met in Mumbai in 1995, and hooked up, but I lost his number, so I couldn't tell him when I got pregnant.  I didn't want to tell you, so I made up a story about a dead Greek sailor."

Scene 4:  Back in the parlor, Chiara is furious. She was abandoned at birth, and raised by horribly abusive foster parents, so if he's her Dad, he's got some explaining to do.

Roger explains that he was stealing something on the island of Capri, and he met the private detective hired to track the person who stole a valuable Picasso.  It wasn't him, so they hooked up, and didn't see each other again. 

Left: This review was a little beefcake-light, so I included a random French guy.

Scene 4: So, what's the job?  Stealing the Mona Lisa, the most famous painting in the world.  Don't bother looking for it in the Louvre -- it's disappointingly small, and impossible to see from behind the scores of selfie-taking tourists.  And if you do -- it looks like the 300,000 reproductions you'll see over your lifetime.

He shows them a map of a forgotten tunnel leading from the Louvre 300 m across the Seine to the basement of Academie Francaise. 

He asks them to spend the night, and decide in the morning.

Scene 5: Chiara in her room, on her laptop, making sure that the DNA test isn't a fake.  Then she stops by Jay's room to tell him that everything checks out, and "I wasn't checking out your butt." "Yes, you were."  Since you now know that you're siblings, maybe cut down on the flirting?  A brother and sister really shouldn't have a "will they or won't they?" plotline.

Cut to the crowds milling around the Mona Lisa.  The Louvre has other exhibits, you know.

After complaints and "It's impossible," they agree, and he explains the plan. "Let's do this...as a family!" Are they really the best in the world, or did you hire them to connect with your kids?

More after the break

Neo and Swan, French youtube, comic book, and tv star brothers. With celebrity scandal, a gay kid, and nude dudes from Les Eyzies

 

Yesterday I researched San Diego Pooth because of his unusual name, and ended up with a celebrity kid, famous in Germany, plus an opportunity to use my college German. 

Today it's French.

In case you're keeping track, I was an English and Modern Languages major, so I studied Spanish, French, German, Latin, and a little Greek and Russian.  French is my favorite language, maybe because there is so much queer content in the bandes dessinées: Tintin and Captain Haddock, Alix and Enak, Corentin and Kim, Spirou and Fantasio.

So when Néo the One, a 21-year old gars from Bordeaux, popped up on my recommendations, I started research even though I never heard of him.  Turns out that he's got 778,000 Instagram followers. 

Néo the One posts mostly beefcake and family photos.  Here he's doing sit-ups in the snow, in three different pairs of pants.

But being exceptionally hot is not enough to get 778,000 followers.  He must be famous for something else.

Néo's younger brother, Swan the Voice, age 15, has 668,000 Instagram followers.  They also have a Sweo Shop where you can buy clothing "made with fun." 

Left: At a Halloween party, they're dressed as superheroes Homelander and Soldier Boy from The Boys, who happen to be sex partners.  

Their main claim to fame is a Youtube channel with seven million subscribers.  

Some of the videos are in French:

Ne jamais passer des dumplings en classe! (Never boil dumplings in class).

J'ai volé les Noveaux Brainrots! (I stole the new brainrots) 

Un diner presque parfait (An almost perfect dinner).

Some are in Franglais:

Live Piscine (swimming pool) Chill

Some are in English:

"Eat 100 years of candy"

"Who is the murderer in our villa?"

"I built a secret swimming pool in my room."

Swan & Neo Brothers, an animated tv series, premiered in 2022.  52 episodes have aired to date, dubbed in many languages, including Albanian, Finnish, Hebrew, and Thai.

Left: A gars from Bordeaux, in case I can't find any n*de photos of Older Brother Neo.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

"Brotherhood of the Wolf": Two gay-subtext romances in 18th Century France, with sleaze, blood, Satanism, Catholics, and cocks

For movie night this week we saw The Brotherhood of the Wolf, which actually came out in 2000, but it resembles the sleazy second-features they used to show at the drive in, when you were falling asleep and couldn't pay much attention to the plot, or try to distinguish the charaters.  These movies have an unnaturally bright color pallette and unnervingly loud noises to keep you awake, impenetrable dialogue because no one's really listening, lots of fake blood, and lots of sex, with women who act like they're in a Hai Karate commercial

Hai Karate was an old cologne advertised as making you so attractive that you have to use karate to fight off the hoardes of clawing, screaming women desperate to get ahold of your goods - and this was a good thing?  I got a bottle for Christmas one year, but was afraid to use it. 

I was wide awake (for most of it, anyway), but I still didn't get the plot.  I know that it's the 1750s, and a wolf is terrorizing the people of Gévaudan, France, the modern department of Lozère, a thinly populated, mountainous region about 250 km from Marseilles.  

Grégoire de Fronsac (Samuel le Bihan, left), the king's naturalist, and his Iroquois "companion" Mani (Mark Dascascos, top photo) are dispatched to track down and kill the wolf.  They have a gay-subtext relationship:

Left: Fronsac cock.

Host: "Let me show your servant to his quarters."

Fronsac: "He's not my servant.  He'll be staying in the room with me."

Host: "But there's only one bed...never mind."

 

A gay-coded young Marquis (Jérémie Renier, right) is also interested in Fronsac: "Tell me about Paris.  What are the latest fashions?  What's going on in the theater season?"

There are 200 wikipedia pages devoted to 18th century French playwrights, but the only ones I recognize are Dennis Diderot, Voltaire, and Pierre Beaumarchais, who wrote operas later in the century.  

After examining some victims, Fronsac declares that the Beast is much too big to be a wolf, but they don't believe him, and go on a wolf hunt (corpses piled high).  He insists, and is fired and sent home.  But the Marquis believes him, so they go on their own Beast-hunt.

Meanwhile Fronsac gets three girlfriends: the winsome daughter of his host; a middle-aged lady at the brothel, who reads Tarot cards; and a young woman in male drag who participates in the hunts.  But Bob said that it was just two; the male drag lady is also either the daughter of the host or the Tarot card lady.  He didn't know which.   

The beast turns out to be an African creature in a stegasaurus suit. It appears to be controlled by an evil guy (Vincent Cassell) who has a shriveled arm with long fingernails, making him look like half a drag queen.  He may be the brother of Fronsac's first girlfriend, but also wants to have sex with her. 

More after the break

Felix Beauperin: French theatrical actor has some queer codes and a nice cock, but has he appeared in anything I can stream?

 

I don't usually profile the European actors who appear on the celebrity penis subreddit: if their work is not available for me to stream, how can I check for gay content?  But Felix Beauperin is so cute, and has such an impressive cock, that I'm going in anyway.  

Nice butt, too.

The nude scene is from Le banquet d'Auteuil, performed at the Theatre 14 in Paris in 2015, and released on video in 2016: Famous playwright Molière (Jean-Baptiste Marcenac), tiring of his wife cheating on him, invites protégé Michel (Felix) and his friend Chapelle (Hervé Lassïnce) to dinner at his country home in the village of Auteuil (now in the 16th arrondissement, near the Eiffel Tower).  Some men from his acting troupe shows up to mock his bourgeouis jealousy.  While naked.

In the clip I watched, Michel orders two of the actors to kiss.

Background note: Molière is more famous in France than in Britain and the U.S., but you may have seen his Tartuffe, The Misanthrope, or The Imaginary Invalid.

Felix is primarily a theatrical actor.  His most recent productions include:

En Thérapie, an adaption of the Israeli tv series BeTipul, about a psychologist whose life is falling apart.  He plays Thomas Castellane, a surly patient. 

This guy looks nothing like the n*de dude above, but Felix posts him on his Instagram, so...

Le Petit Coiffeur:  Lies, secrets, and forgiveness in a hair salon in Chartres, 1944 -- just after the Liberation, when Allied forces defeated the Nazis in France.  Felix plays Pierre, a young hairdresser.  In an interview, he talks about his character's love for his mother and brother, but doesn't mention being gay.

Potiche, about chaos in the Pujol family when Mom Suzanne has to take over as head of the umbrella factory.  Felix plays her son Laurent, a fey art student with an absent fiancée (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

Left: Laurent was played by Jérémie Renier, in the 2010 movie version. 

Life is a Dream, by Pedro Calderon de la Barca. Prince Sigismond of Poland (Felix)  has been imprisoned in a tower by his father.  He briefly escapes, but Dad re-captures him and convinces him that it was all a dream.

More after the break

Like Cattle Towards Gloom: The mystery of the glowing cattle solved, sort of. With Nicolas Hau tree-trunking, a naked man in my bed, and unrelenting gloom

I started watching Half-Man (2026), starring Jamie Bell as a sort-of gay guy who has a sort-of homoerotic relationship with his sadistic "half brother" (Richard Gadd of Baby Reindeer),  but I had forgotten the intensity of Mr. Gadd's internalized homophobia  -- until the depiction of same-sex desire as unrelentingly dark and destructive began.  So I dropped it. What's so horrible about liking cocks?  

Next, in search of light entertainment, I checked the nude celebrity subreddit: a morose white-haired young man sitting on his bed with his cock tree-trunking.  In another shot, he's manipulating.  

I was fascinated.  What was the context?  How could anyone be morose while doing that?

 The caption said that he was Nicolas Hau, from the French movie  Like Cattle Towards Glow (2015).   You can't move toward "glow."  It would have to be a glowing object. 

A mystery to solve!  Was it a bad translation, or an old folk saying changed to gibberish with the passage of time?

According to his IMDB biography, written by himself,  Nicolas Hau "has collaborated with international directors and continues to develop a diverse body of work across film and artistic projects, with a strong interest in character-driven and visually distinctive storytelling."

This extremely pretentious bio is matched by two acting credits on the IMDB: the glowing cattle movie and The Aspern Papers (2018), based on the novel by Henry James: An American novelist wants to get the letters that  Romantic poet Jeffrey Aspern sent to his mistress, but she has them sequestered in her decaying Venetian mansion. 

Jonathan Rhys Meyers (left) stars. Nicolas plays the bisexual poet Lord Byron.

It grossed $9,700 in the U.S, and got reviews like "Awful!" "Pretentious drivel!" "Boring!"

Well, it's Henry James.  What do you expect?

Nicolas' resume also lists three theatrical credits:

Bottom in A Midsummer Night's Dream

Benjamin in The Graduate, the part originally played by Dustin Hoffman.

And Einar Wegener in Danish Girl.  In 1920s Copenhagen, Einar develops a female persona named Lili, and with the support of his wife, gradually acknowledges a female gender identity.  Lili was a pioneer in transgender history as the first person to undergo sex reassignment surgery.  In the 2015 movie, she was played by Eddie Redmayne.

Nowadays Nicolas is mostly a model.  His credits on Models.com include Vogue, the covers of Stylist and Beauty magazines, walking for Ferderico Curradi and Peuteray, "Bizarre Love Triangle" (behind a paywall), and whatever this is.

The samples he uploads to his Instagram mostly show him looking bored and pretentious while hugging a semi-nude lady.  This is one of the few where he's alone, putting on a Gaucho outfit for a shoot.

The glowing cattle and the tree-trunking photo that sent me down this internet rabbit hole after the break

"Samuel": French middle school boys are all in love with the same girl. With queerbaiting, drag, Freudian dreams, and some n*de twinks

 

When I was growing up in Rock Island, there were no gay characters in children's media -- and they were vanishingly rare in adult media.  In grade school my friend Bill and I vowed to be "best men" forever, and in junior high I swooned over Dan, who had blond hair and warm hands, but parents, teachers, and peers insisted that we were tepid, inconsequential "buddies."  Soon, very soon, I would "discover" girls, and drop my boy friends, instantly and without hesitation, to devote my life to what really mattered, finding and winning The Girl.

Left: all models are over 18

I scoured through tv shows, comic books, and the books in the Denkmann School library, searching for evidence that same-sex loves could endure for a lifetime: Will and Jack fighting aliens together in The White Mountains, Tony and Doug declaring that "I won't leave without you!" on Time Tunnel, even Rich and Sean smiling at each other in The Secret of Boyne Castle.  

A show about a boy who actually experiences a real, undeniable same-sex romance would have been a godsend.  

The animated Samuel (2026), by French cartoonist Émilie Tronche, just dropped on Netflix.  It features  a ten-year old boy whose diary entries are depicted in line drawings on a minimal canvas, similar to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  The blurb tells us that he's going to face "first loves, complicated friendships, and the start of middle school," with an illustration that undeniably shows him kissing a boy.  Dude is going to come out!

I can't wait to review Samuel.

Episode 1, Scene 1: Samuel writes in his diary that he's in love with a girl.

Say what?  I'm confused.

The boy he is kissing is shown on the blurb for Episode 5, so I'll review that one instead. 

Episode 5: At choir practice, a rumor goes around that Dmitri asked Julie to go out with him.  Everyone laughs and makes fun of the two.  Dmitri is the boy he is shown kissing.

The teacher comes in and asks if everyone has learned the solo part.  Dmitri claims that he has.

The full choir:

Why do people in love always seem to be the same?
They carry, as they walk by, the same look in their eye
One single flame -- they are the happy ones

Dmitri's solo.  Is he going to sing to Samuel?

I barely know you, but to drift away with you, like they do
We could make enough room, you and me
For both of us, with no fuss

You have to let me know it won't be in vain

Whatever the stakes, I want to be a happy man

Suddenly Samuel finds himself in church, about to be married to a boy?  No, to Julie,  but Dmitri rushes in at the last minute, a la The Graduate, and takes her away.  

Later, Samuel sees Julie and Dmitri in the schoolyard, and they confirm that they are in love.  This depresses Samuel, as he is in love with Julie, too.  Say what? When are he and Dmitri going to kiss?

Ok, episodes are only 3-4 minutes long. I'm going through all of them on fast forward, looking for the development of the Samuel-Dmitri romance.

Episode 6: Dmitri does not appear.  Samuel has a best friend, Benjamin.

Episode 7:  On the field trip to the museum, Dmitri and Julie sit together, upsetting Samuel. 

Episode 8: Samuel's friend Benjamin returns from his grandmother's funeral. They discuss his grief, but when he starts crying, Samuel is too macho to hug him.  Instead, he says "Your hair is really greasy."  Jerk!

Episode 9:  Dmitri tells Samuel, "You look pretty," but they're rehearsing a play, and Dmitri is a fox planning to eat crow Samuel, so it might not be his real-life sentiments.

Episode 10: Samuel tells his diary, "Last night something happened.  I don't know how to describe it." Finally, the kiss!   On the way home after the play, they stop at a stop light, and Samuel sees a girl, maybe Julie, in the next car.  She waves at him.  "That's what happened."  A wave?  

Episode 11: During summer vacation, Samuel runs into his enemy Dmitri crying on the sidewalk. He explains that he is sad because school is over, and he's lonely.  Julie must have dumped him. He asks to hang out with Samuel's friend group next fall, when they're in middle school.  So are they going to fall in love over the summer?

Episode 12: Samuel's babysitters, Bryan and Jonah, invite him to a party with adults.  They usually go to clubs; maybe they're a gay couple?  Nope: when the dancing starts, they're mesmerized by two girls who give them "come hither" finger gestures, and ditch Samuel.  Ugh!  "You will abandon your same-sex loves, instantly and without hesitation, to devote your life to the only thing that matters, finding and winning The Girl."

More after the break

Raphael Luce: Femme boy from a family of stunt doubles and skywalkers plays heterosexual demons, hangs out in France with male friends

 

I started researching Raphael Luce based on this photo: dude's got a physique.

And this one: dude has a femme affect, and cuddles with guys.  You could ask him to scoot over, unless you like being pressed against his butt for some reason.

Raphael has French and American citizenships and spends a lot of time in France.  Here he and his boyfriend are eating at the Five Guys in Paris.  On the Champs-Élysées, a short walk from the Arch de Triomphe?. What's next, a Burger King in the nave of Notre Dame?

"Fun times in France."  The two boyfriends playing cards?  Can't you think of anything more interesting to do on the bed?

Raphael was born in 2006 to a circus-and-stunt family. Dad Jade Kindar-Martin is a tight-rope artist specializing in skywalking (great heights) and firewalking (with the rope on fire).  He performed for the Cirque de Soleil for many years, then moved to Hollywood to follow his wife into stuntwork. 

 Dad has doubled for Joseph Gordon Levitt, Austin P. McKenzie, Sam Reid, and Hunter Douhan, and played the killer bunny Bonnie in Five Nights at Freddy's.

Mom Karine Mauffrey has stunted in over 50 movies and tv shows, from The Walking Dead to Hannah Montana.,

His sister Jophielle starred on General Hospital (2019-24)  as Violet Finn, the variously sick, kidnapped, and assumed dead daughter of the variously addicted, sick, poisoned, kidnapped, and falsely accused of murder Dr. Hamilton Finn (Michael Easton, left)

More after the break

Maxwell Jenkins: The "Lost in Space" guy and his boyfriend visit Paris, with travel tips and n*de Parisian dudes

 

When I last profiled Maxwell Jenkins, in April 2025,  the former Lost in Space Will Robinson was starring in The Bondsman with Kevin Bacon and majoring in Global Studies at UCLA.  He had a lot of beefcake and guy-hugging photos on his social media, leading me to conclude that he is "probably gay."

The Bondsman is finished, leaving Max free to concentrate on his studies, plus cheerleading and acrobatics.  In August 2025, he posted some cute and romantic photos of his holiday in France with his boyfriend (so we can move from probablement to sans doute)

I've been to Paris several times, so I immediately recognized the Pompidou Centre, an event venue and art museum. in Les Halles. The Krash Bar, two floors of cavernous corridors of hookups, is right around the corner.

Everybody who visits Paris for the first time has to see the Eifel Tower.  After that, you give it a miss

Same with the famous Moulin Rouge in Montmarte. But they have an interesting artists' market nearby, in the Place du Tertre.

Max's boyfriend is Shawn J., a Global Studies major at UCLA who runs the program Refugee Connect, offering direct assistance to refugees around the world.

You're supposed to do that with wine glasses, guys.

N*de Parisian dudes and travel tips after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Searching for gay-subtext buddy-bonds on "The Really Loud House." With gay Dads and a heck of a lot of butts

Lately I've been nostalgic for one of those old-fashioned gay-subtext buddy couples, not interested in girls, invested only in each other, that we used to see everywhere: Jonny and Hadji, Terry and Raji, Alix and Enak, Ricky and Alfonso on Silver Spoons, Larry and Kennard in Darkover.   I even bought a new book, The Town with the Butterfly Problem, because PJ and his best friend Grant are traveling through the fantasy world together, and no heterosexual romances are mentioned in the plot synopsis -- but in the very first paragraph, he's trying to impress a cute girl. Ugh! Right into the trash!

Paramount Plus recommended The Really Loud House, a live-action sequel to The Loud House (2016-2025).  You know, the one with a nuclear family consisting of mom, dad, 3,000 girls and one boy.  

The live action version centers on the boy, Lincoln Loud  (Wolfgang Schaeffer), having adventures with his best friend, Clyde McBride (Jahzir Bruno).  No doubt a classic gay-subtext buddy couple!

The original had some LGBT representation.  Clyde has two dads; one of the girls expresses a "blink and you'll miss it" interest in a girl; another has a gay friend, Miguel (queer actor Tonatiuh Elizarraraz), who appears in four episodes but only alludes to being gay once, when he gets a boyfriend (Vladimir Versailles) in another "blink and you'll miss it" moment.

So maybe Lincoln and Clyde will have more than a gay-subtext buddy-bond.  Maybe they'll be boyfriends!  

I'm reviewing episode 1.6, "School Dance," to see if the boys go together.  Or if there are any same-sex couples dancing.  Or both.

Scene 1: The kids are making decorations for the Big Dance at their middle school, the Kangaroo Hop, while journalist Liam (Gavin Maddox Bergman) films interviews with them.  

Gavin Maddox Bergman played Oliver Twist in Spirited (2022), young Ben in Salem's Lot (2023), and Cal Starr in Americana (2024).  I'm getting a gay vibe from him, but the character of Liam is heterosexual.

First interview: Rusty Spokes (Nolan Maddox) and his girlfriend Charlie (named after a boy to provide a gay tease for those of us reading episode synopses).  They discuss how much they love each other.  "My favorite color is your eyes..." Rusty exclaims.  Holy sh*t, these people are twelve years old. Were they, like, born horny? 

Nolan Maddox (Rusty Spokes) is now 18, but this is not his butt. 

Strikingly femme Lincoln watches mournfully.  Best buddy Clyde consoles him over Rusty dating Charlie.  Wait -- you're into Charlie, femme boy?  Did you not notice that she's a girl?.

When it's Lincoln's turn to be interviewed, he notes that he was going bring "just friend" Stella (figures you have a lot of girl "just friends").  But she's at a science fair, so it will be solo.  

And Clyde will be going with dad's chiropracter's daughter.

Scene 2: Interview with Best Buddy Clyde's dads.  They are concerned that their son has not yet found his First Love.  He's in middle school, much later than most kids.  They are so desperate for him to click with "that someone special" that they arrranged for Clyde's date with the chiropracter's daughter.  So he hasn't expressed any heterosexual interest, yet the two gay guys never consider for a minute that he might be gay.  That's awfully heteronormative of them.

Ray Ford (Dad Harold), seen here at his godson's graduation, doesn't mention kids of his own, but half of his Instagram photos show him cheek-to-cheek with various ladies, so I'm guessing straight in real life.

Stephen Guarino (Dad Howard) kisses a boy in Eastsiders, and makes out with a dude while naked in Bearcity, so I'm going to guess that he's gay in real life.  Left: his butt.

Yes, I know that having two dads as a focus of the episode rather than just hanging around is a step forward. On Ducktales (2020), they just stood on stage, not speaking, for a moment at their daughter's award ceremony.  But they're heteronormative bias is still annoying.

I'm skipping over a plot about baseball or something.

Scene 3: The Dads were looking forward to taking the pre-dance photos at their house, memorializing Clyde's move into his heterosexual destiny forever.  I feel your pain, Clyde: my parents still have a photo of me and the girl I brought to the Harvest Dance about a year before I figured it out -- five boyfriends and a gay marriage later, it's still on the dresser in their bedroom!  

Uh-oh, Best Buddy Clyde calls: the pre-dance photos will be taken at the Loud House, to take advantage of the appetizers provided by Femme Lincoln's dad.   "No problem, have fun," the Dads say as their hearts are crushed.

Now they become irate:  "The Louds have burglared our milestone -- the most important moment of our child's life."  Most important moment?  Really?  Why are you so anxious for your son to be heterosexual?  What's wrong with gay people, gay dudes? 

More butts after the break