Graham Martillo: Ritzy private school boy plays lacrosse, hugs his boyfriend, takes his shirt off, buys a Porsche. With nude Newport dudes

  

I think Instagram recommends pages based purely on beefcake photos.  One of these guys is a civilian named Graham, RI AOF.  I don't post the real last names of non-actors, so he'll be Graham Martillo ("hammer" in Spanish).

Graham is the cute one on the right, in a pink suit with a blue tie.  The guy in the blue suit with the pink tie may be his boyfriend.  Is this a real date, or staged for fun?

Graham has a rather thorough biography available online.  Granddad was an artist, and dad is an architect in Newport, Rhode Island. He attended St. Philomena , a ritzy Catholic grammar school, and then St. George's, an even ritzier private boarding school.  He graduates in 2026 or 2027, depending on which profile you believe.

I like how they pose in front of the Church of St. George, an incredible Gothic Revival chapel, as if it's no big deal, just the background of their lives.

Graham plays football and lacrosse for the Fighting Clams, and works as a caddy at the Newport Country Club, where the super-wealthy come to play.

Left: Since I'm not sure about Graham's age, I didn't check for nude photos, but here's another guy from Newport.

I assume that Graham is gay based on the many guy-hugging photos and absence of girls.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit

"Crew Girl": Private school girl on the rowing team must choose between two boyfriends. With a gay character, crew bulges, and a nude Josh

Crew Girl is the #1 tv show on Netflix.  I'm not really into sports, but maybe it will have some beefcake and bulges.

Scene 1: Teagan Tao introduces her parents, Dad David, who owns boutique hotels, and Mom Ella, who is deeply in love with him.  During her rowing competition, Dad gets a phone call.  "I have to take this." But before he leaves, he and Mom mention how deeply in love they are, and kiss. Do they do this every time they part? "I have to go to the bathroom.  I'm deeply in love with you. Back in a minute."

She wins the competition!  But Dad isn't there.  He texts "I'm sorry." Sorry for missing the competition, or... 

Turns out that Dad defrauded his investors out of millions, and scrammed before he could be grabbed by the FBI.  Teagan and Mom, newly impoverished, have to leave L.A. to move back to her home town in Massachusetts.

Scene 2: Establishing shot of the small town of Eagles Cove, established 1791.   Mom points out the Fudge Store ("nobody actually likes fudge"), the Crab Shack where she got her first job, and finally their new house, which actuallly belonged to Nanny and Grandpa.  Her grandmother was named Nanny?

Fortunately, Dad left an education trust, so Teagan can go to the ritzyEaston Prep.  "But their team isn't even on a Top Ten list. Coaches from Stanford were scouting me.  Who's going to see me out here?"  Everywhere in Massachusetts is less than two hours from Boston, New York, and Philadelphia. 

While Mom is unpacking, Teagan grabs a bike and heads into town.  She's so busy gawking at the rubes that she hits a pickup truck and plunges into the bed.  The owner is a cute teen boy, Cam Dillinger (Kyle Clark)  I'm guessing that this is a meet-cute with her Love Interest.  After a few minutes of yelling and some Boy-of-My-Dreams gawking, he offers to fix her bike.

Scene 3: Off to school.  It's a  huge Tudor-style castle (actually filmed at Hatley Castle, a 1906 Tudor Revival mansion in Victoria, British Columbia).  "Can a school have a British accent?" Teagan asks.

The student body president and dance committee chair introduce themselves. "I'm glad the school isn't all horse girls," Teagan says.

"Um...I'm captain of the equestrian team. What school doesn't have horses?"

A long haired person wearing a tie and sportscoat draws her aside. "I've never seen anyone unalive their social status so quickly."  I turn the sound on to determine their gender. It's a girl, her "first day buddy."  

Founded in 1798, Easton Prep is the "Harvard of high schools," mostly boarders, but some townies commute by helicopter. "Looks like a Skarsgaard convention," Teagan muses. "Who's the hunk?"

The guy in the blazer is Arrogant Josh (Samuel Braun), sixth generation Easton Prep, Prom King when he was freshman.  His buddy is Ryder, who has made out with half the girls in the school.  Heterosexual identity established immediately.  

"They only started admitting girls two years ago.  Great if you're straight, less cheer if you're queer." Sounds like the androgynous girl has come out to her new friend.

Next we meet the equally arrogant Leon.  "Stay away from him.  He's arrogant!"

"I noticed, sigh." So, will it be Josh, Ryder, Leon, or the guy with the truck?

Scene 4: Mom sees a "help wanted" notice on the door of a store that sells glasses and pillows.  The manager, Heather,  recognizes her from high school, and from "that photo of you lying by the pool" in New York Magazine.  So you thought she was hot?

Now she can't admit that she wants a job, so she pretends that she came in to shop.

Cut to English class, discussion of Byron's "She Walks In Beauty." The blackboard has "rebellious," "charisma," "melancholy," but not that he was bi.   Arrogant Josh comes in late and disrespects the teacher, Mr. Wu (not in the imdb or end of episode cast list).

Mr. Wu makes Josh read it aloud, and Teagan falls in love with him.

"What do you think it means?" Mr. Wu asks.

"It means Byron was trying to smash."

Mr. Wu doesn't like this answer -- "Just because you're the famous star of the rowing team" -- but it's completely accurate. Wait -- rowing team?

More after the break

Brandon Spink: The young Batman, Jackass, and Baelfire takes a girl to the prom but comes out later. Maybe. With two dick shots and a Super butt

Recently I profiled Mason McKenzie, who played Gideon in Once Upon a Time, where all of the Disney fantasy characters you've ever heard of are connected in a huge genealogy.  I thought I would research some of the other actors that gave me a gay vibe.  First up, femme boy Brandon Spink, who played Baelfire, son of Rumpelstiltskin and his first wife (making him Gideon's half-brother).  He is briefly swayed by the homoerotic freedom offered by Peter Pan's Lost Boys, but in the end accepts his heterosexual destiny and marries Emma Swan.  Their son becomes the Chosen One. 

Let's see if the same thing happened the real-life Brandon (center).

Spink, by the way, comes from an Old English word for "finch."  It's not dirty. 

According to an article in Oz Magazine, Brandon was born in 1995 in Marietta, Georgia, and began acting on stage at age seven, playing Captain Hook's life partner Smee in Peter Pan.  After minor parts in Game of Your Life (2011), with Nathan Kress, and Devil's Knot (2013), with Colin Firth, he hit the big time in 2015, playing the young version of the Jackass star  a tv pilot called Untitled Johnny Knoxville Project. 

The young Johnny is a prankster and rebel growing up in the "outlaw culture" of 1980s Knoxville, Tennessee. 

That same year, Brandon was cast as the young Bruce Wayne in Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016).  Playing the iconic figure was "a dream come true" for the boy.  Plus he got to work with Ben Affleck (grown-up Bruce), Henry Cavill (Superman), and Jeremy Irons (Alfred the Butler).

Next came Game of Silence (2016), with childhood secrets threatening a successful lawyer; the teenage Baelfire in Once Upon a Time (2017); Berlin Station (2017), about CIA agents in Germany; and a few show that I've never heard of.

Brandon's next big break was in Fear Street: Part Two (2021), the second in a trilogy about paranormal events in a small town in different historic periods.  In 1978, it's a summer camp with a serial killer.  Brandon's character, Will Goode, is the mayor of the town, with wife and kids, in Part 1 (1994).  As a teenager, he bullies the other teens and survives the slaughter.

There are lesbian characters in every Fear Street episode, but gay men do not exist.

In 2025 Brandon appeared in four episodes of the sports drama All American, as a random football player; and three episodes of NCIS: Origins, about the NCIS (Naval Criminal Investigation Service) in the 1990s, as the teenage version of agent Michael Franks (played by Michael Erik White, left).

Michael seems to be gay in real life, but the character is straight.  

In fact, all of Brandon's characters have been straight or straight-by-default. 

He'd better be gay in real life, or what am I doing this for?

More after the break