Jack Caroll is trollied, eaten by lions, endures soap opera angst, does stand-up comedy, shows his backside and his dick

Mobility is a BAFTA Award-winning comedy short about three boys from Huddlesfield, Yorkshire, who get on each other's nerves as they ride the mobility bus to school.  

Surly Dan (Ruben Reuter) insults everyone, mostly by references to the sexual proficiency of "your Mum."

Upbeat Sonny (Zak Ford-Williams) announces that "the only disability is a bad attitude," and chastises Dan: his behavior is not in keeping with the spirit of the Duke of Edinburgh award. 

Entrepreneur Mike (Jack Carroll) claims to be the future Wolf of Wakefield; he's going to make a fortune on the stock market.

I researched Ruben and Zak, and discovered that they are both gay in real life.  Coincidence, or a deliberate casting decision?

Time to check out the third, Jack Carroll, who also co-wrote the script.  

He has the longest resume of the three: Born in 1998 in Bradford, Yorkshire, started his career at age 12.  Comedian Jason Manford saw a video of Jack performing at his parents' wedding anniversary, and invited him to perform at a show at St. George's Hall.  

A film of his comedy bit aired on The One Show,leading  Britain's Got Talent, where he was runner-up, and 13 episodes of the sketch comedy show The Ministry of Curious Stuff (2012). Episodes of 4 O'Clock Club, Katy, Big School, and Ministry of Justice followed.

And the feature film Eaten by Lions (2018).  After their Gran dies, half-brothers Pete and Omar (Jack, Antonio Aakeel) go off in search of Omar's estranged dad. They find him in the tawdry, seedy tourist trap of Blackpool (for Americans, think Atlantic City).  Pete gets a girlfriend, and shows his bum.  I reviewed it several years ago.  It got a low grade for heteronormativity.

Next came 25 episodes of Trollied (2014-18), about the workers in a run-down supermarket (for Americans, a trolly is a shopping cart).  Mark Addy, who stripped down in The Full Monty (1997), played head butcher Andy, and perennial nude dude Joel Fry played nice guy Leighton.

Jack's character, 16-year old Harry, is the brightest of the group: he received 9 A-grades in his GCSEs (tests taken during Year 11 of secondary school).  He's heterosexual.

In the short Newbie (2023), a new teacher is worried that students won't accept him because of his disability.   Weird-- the guy played a high school student that same year.  But Cole Sprouse was 30 when he finished playing high schooler Jughead on Riverdale.

 

Jack's biggest role to date is Bobby Crawford in 69 episodes of the soap Coronation Street (2023-25). 

In 2023, the teenage Bobby argues with his mum's boyfriend, and gets kicked out.  He looks up his birth dad, Rob Donovan (Marc Bayliss), who is in prison, and gets a referral to live with his Aunt Carla on....Coronation Street.

Ulp...maybe a soap opera community is not the best home.  Aunt Carla has a life-threatening illness, then disowns Bobby due to his friendship with his birth dad. He is kidnapped, becomes a hostage, is accused of murder....

His crush Lauren disappears, presumably murdered; then she reappears, is accused of murder, and is blackmailed.  Am I getting this right?  It seems rather repetitive.  Finally Bobby has had enough; he runs away to Majorca to work on a fishing boat with a male friend.  

Jack explains that he had to leave the show to prepare for a national tour, but maybe he was getting tired of the angst.  He's primarily a comedian, after all.

He has performed on Britain's Got Talent, Britain's Got More Talent, Loose Ladies, Pointless Celebrities, Sunday Brunch, This Morning, The Stand Up Sketch Show, and Would I Lie to You?, as well as many live venues.  In 2026 his "Fall Guy" tours Scotland, beginning in Edinburgh. 

More after the break

The top 16 "Righteous Gemstones" cocks, displayed on the show and off

The Righteous Gemstones was unique in its enthusiastic portrayal of penises in nearly every episode. lus a number of the actors who didn't get a chance to show their stuff on the show have obligingly posted pictures of their inches on the internet.  Here are my favorites, some huge, some not, but all a pleasure to watch.

1. Stephen Schneider (left) as Stephen had an affair with Judy Gemstone in Season 3.  Her husband BJ burst into his house during a j/o session, and fought him to reclaim his manhood. The actor was offered a prosthetic, but he wanted to perform with his real cock on display.  I can see why.

2. Blair Jackson played the boyfriend of Dot Nancy, whom Kelvin Gemstone is trying to draw away from Satan, in Season 1.  Off-camera, he has shown us his stuff.

3. Walton Goggins.  In our first view of the elderly grifter Baby Billy, he stands up in his bathtub to reveal a cock of superhuman proportions (they actually useed a stand in).  It re-appeared so often in Season 4 that even gay male viewers got tired of it.

4. Stephen Dorf,  who played the nasty, homophobic, and probably gay megachurch pastor Vance Simkins, goes full frontal in a movie from 2005.. 

5. Jak Kriskowski appeared in a scene where Pontius enrolls in military school.  His scene was cut, but Jak joined the army in real life, and has given us a cute peeking-out-of-his-pants shot.

6, Kelton Dumont, as wild child Pontius Gemstone, was caught schtupping his girlfriend and jumped up and tried to hide it. After a lot of photo manipulation, about all you can see is a bit of the shaft.  But I found a few other possibilities.

7. Adam Devine: To our disappointment, Kelvin Gemstone showed his backside quite often, but never his front. Probably to emphasize that he is a bottom, and self-conscious about his small size.  In real life, Adam is hung. We've seen it several times in his movies.

8. Cullen Moss as the security guard hot for Gideon's boyfriend Scotty.  He goes full frontal in a 2021 movie.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Matthew Beem hitchhikes naked, takes a polar plunge, builds secret rooms to spy on his internet star friends. With four of their d*cks

 I grew up before the internet, so I instinctively think of entertainment as books, movies, and tv programs written and performed by professionals and distributed by corporations. But there's a whole world out there of short form, amateur videos that I had no idea existed. 

Topper Guild posts stories about saving his friend from an evil cult, surviving the strictest school in the world, and so on to his 88 million subscribers.

Matthew Beem, who has "only" eight million subscribers, does wacky DIY projects, like turning his room into a fishbowl, or a building a minecraft maze for his hamster. 

The first two episodes of his Hulu series, Matthew Beem Creator Essentials, introduced me to more multi-million subscriber Internet stars.

 

Episode 1: Matthew renovates iShowSpeed's tour bus, and adds a secret room so he can spy on the dude as he...um...does things.  He's discovered almost immediately, but still, I have to wonder, what was he hoping to see?

IShowSpeed, real name Darren Jason Watkins, Jr. started with gaming, and moved into livestreaming and rap music, gaining 53 million subscribers. He has livestreamed in 67 countries. The Speed Goes Pro tour ended with a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. 

Plus he's won about a dozen Streamer Awards.  And posted pictures of his d*ck. Maybe that's what Matthew wanted to see in his secret room.

In Episode 2. Matthew and his crew do some home improvement projects for his internet star friends:

A custom dog house for Salish Matter, who started with posts about her daily skincare routine, gaining 3.5 million subscribers.  She started her own skincare brand at age 16, and also posts about gymnastics and family "matters" with her father, Jordan (here being pranked by another youtuber).

Next Matthew and his crew create  a gaming room for the Costco Guys, including mock-ups of their Juiceful packages, a giant chocolate chip cookie, and the world's biggest Pokemon card. 

More after the break

Tristan Borders pushed up the queer codes as Young Kelvin Gemstone, but what about his other roles? With twink butt and Cleveland cock

  

For a long time, I've been wanting to do a profile of Tristan Borders, who played the young Kelvin in the flashback episodes of The Righteous Gemstones, and gave us so many intentional and unintentional clues to Kelvin's sexual identity -- more than Adam Devine himself, back when most fans were still yelling "He's not gay, just sensitive!"  

In the Season 2 flashback to 1993, four year old Kelvin has two dolls in his bedroom and a Muscle and Fitness cover taped to his wall (not this photo).

In the Season 3 Interlude, a flashback to the summer of 2000, eleven-year old Kelvin complains that his sister forces him to come to the mall with her, to act as a distraction while she shoplifts.  She also criticizes him for having "a tiny little doll pecker," starting an obsession with his size that will bedevil Kelvin through his life and, in 2023, make him reluctant to begin bedroom activities with his boyfriend Keefe.

Young Kelvin also wears a t-shirt with hibiscus flowers in the colors of the Pride Flag.

In the Season 4 Interlude, set in the summer of 2003, Young Kelvin is obviously gay, with a number of feminine mannerisms and an interest in teen idols.  He is a snob and a jerk, constantly denigrating his siblings and their friend Corey.  In a pivotal scene, he is alone in the house when Cobb breaks in to destroy things and steal the family heirloom Gold Bible.

Tristan doesn't have a social media presence, and there's no biographical information online, so all I can use for a profile are his other roles on the iMDB.

His career begins with two episodes of American Rust (2021), with a rust-belt police chief investigating the murder of flawed, troubled cop Pete Novick (Jim Frost, butt left).  Tristan plays Pete's son.

Then two episodes of The First Lady (2022), about three first ladies: Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford, and Michelle Obama. Tristan plays John Roosevelt (1916-91), young son of Franklin (queer actor Charlie Plummer) and Eleanor (gay in real life).

More after the break