"The Other Two" Episode 3.8: The guy from "AP Bio" tries to bond with an especially jerky Cary. Plus Ben Platt butt

 

I wanted to know more about Eddie Leavy, below, who plays the queen Anthony on AP Bio, so I reviewed his guest role on The Other Two, Episode 3.8, "Brook Hosts a Night of Undeniable Good."

The premise: The less-than-famous older brother and sister of teen idol ChaseDreams (Case Walker) live in his shadow.

The episode has three plotlines.  I'm reviewing only the third.

A Plot: Chase is getting kickback from his latest bad-boy stunt: "I hate ChaseDreams.  What a loser!"; "Asshole!"  "Everybody thinks I'm a bad guy, he complains.  "And I'm not.  It's giving me anxiety and depression."

His manager gets dollar signs in her eyes as she hatches a new scheme: Chase can become "the face of mental health" and make a fortune!  He's not really suffering from a mental illness, but who cares when there's money to be made?

Sister Brook likes the idea, too.  She has an altruistic boyfriend, and feels guilty about being so selfish, so this will give her an opportunity to prove that she is a good person -- while making money.  

She arranges a telethon to raise money for mental health awareness. Ben Platt, left, and Cameron Kasky, the founder of March for Our Lives, appear as themselves.

B Plot: Mom went from single mother with a famous son to hosting her own talk show to owning a billion-dollar network.  After months in the spotlight, she excitedly plans a trip back to her home town in Ohio, to return to her roots and enjoy everyday activities.

Jacob Dickey, left, appears as Nate.

She hates it.  The small town is boring, her old friends are dolts, and the food is awful.  You can't go home again.

 

C Plot: Cary, Drew Carver, has a 20th year class reunion tonight, but he doesn't want to go because he's not successful enough.  He's in Windweaver, a sword-and-sorcery tv series on Netflix, but it's just a recurring role as "an elf serf," who doesn't even speak.

Then his agent calls: Netflix has picked up the show for three more years, and invited him to be a regular. Turns out that the "elf serf" is actually the Windweaver, orchestrating the events. He'll be speaking.  And he's gay.

Thrilled that he can now "win the reunion." Cary tries to make the eight-hour car trip in six hours by not stopping -- he pees into a bottle and throws it out the window.  Couldn't you use one of your billionaire mother's private planes?

More after the break

"The Other Two," Episode 1.6: Cary goes shirtless, Chase twerks, and there's enough bulges and butts for everyone

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Aaron Taylor-Johnson: Varying levels of hotness and homophobia, but his cock stays the same.

 

I seem to be collecting Aarons. This is Aaron Taylor-Johnson, born in 1990 in the quaintly named High Wycombe, 29 miles west of Charing Cross.  You can't get more English than that. He began acting at the age of six, did local theater and broke into film with a string of gay-subtext relationships: 

Tom and Thomas (2002), about two brothers (both played by Aaron) who find each other after many years apart and embark on an adventure in order to stay together.

The Thief Lord (2006), an adaption of the German novel about two outcasts who find each other on the mean streets of Venice.

The Magic Door (2007), a heroic fantasy with a rather buffed elf helping a human boy defeat a troll.

Then things get very heterosexist very fast.

Nowhere Boy, 2009, a biopic of the teen years of future Beatle John Lennon.  I suppose they couldn't help making the young John hetero-horny, but having a girl give him a blow job to seal the deal?

Kick-Ass (2010) is about a teen nerd who becomes a superhero. Funny, we never see high school A-list jocks getting superpowers.  When his bulgeworthy spandex costume is discovered, he's assumed to be a gay hustler, to the constant teasing of his classmates.  However, the assumption of gayness allows him to win The Girl of His Dreams.

Chatroom (2010) is a rather homophobic drama about a sociopathic teen using social media to encourage bad behavior.   He convinces his friend Jim to commit suicide, and kisses him to "seal the deal."

Next Aaron starred in Savages (2012) as pot grower Ben, who is in a triadic relationship with Chon (Taylor Kitsch) and their shared girlfriend.  It's all subtext, but sometimes subtext is good enough.

At least we get a more explicit butt shot -- while he is sexing the girl.

More homophobia and dicks after the break

The Twelve Bare Butts of "Animal Kingdom." With some faces

 

Someone recommended Animal Kingdom, not to be confused with the Animal Kingdom at Disney World, the Animal Planet network, or a tv show entitled Animal Control.  This one is a drama featuring the struggle for succession in a crime family led by...Smurf? Really?   "Ok, boys, I want you to go smurf out those rival smurfs and smurf their bodies."

 There are a lot of sons, grandsons, and boy toys, even a gay one.  Most are sleazy, scruffy, and tattooed, not my cup of tea.  But most get bare butt scenes, so you don't have to look at their face.

Link to the G-rated version, with the faces

1. Scott Speedman as Baz, adopted Smurf, who wants to try new crime techniques instead of Mama Smurf's old fashioned smurfing. 

2. In flashbacks to 1992 and 1996, Baz is smurfed by Darren Mann.

3. Shawn Hatosy as Pope, eldest Smurf, who suffers from mental illness and does a lot of risky smurf. Plus he's smurfed in prison.

4.  Kevin Csolak smurfs as Pope in the flashbacks.

5. Ben Robson as Craig, middle Smurf, who parties and does drug instead of paying attention to the smurfing. 

6. Jake Weary as Deran, youngest Smurf, the moral one who is trying to distance himself from the family, running a surfing shop instead of smurfing crime. He is closeted for a long time, but when he finally comes out they are fine with it. 

More butts after the break

The Jonas Brothers: I wanna be like you

 

The Jonas Brothers, consisting of Nick (born 1992), Joe (born 1989, left), and Kevin (born 1987), were already popular performers, recording several albums and appearing on MTV, the Cartoon Network, and Nickelodeon --  not to mention the White House -- before Disney took notice around 2006.

But after that the group was a Disney Channel juggernaut, recording new versions of movie classics like "I Want to Be Like You" (from The Jungle Book), appearing on Hannah Montana and Camp Rock, and finally getting two tv series of their own, The Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream (2008-2010) and Jonas (2009-2010).

That didn't keep them from releasing new songs: 14 singles and 16 music videos between 2005 and 2010, plus two more in 2013.

And from releasing beefcake photos.  Like Justin Bieber, they drew the special interest of fans looking for random arousal.  Joe seemed especially vulnerable; his moments were tagged "joners."

Like most boy bands, their lyrics were heterosexist, with lots of "girl! girl! girl!"  But some dropped pronouns.  And their version of  "I Wanna Be Like You"  sounds decidedly homoerotic:

What I desire is man's red fire
To make my dream come true
Give me the secret, mancub
Clue me what to do
Give me the power of man's red flower
So I can be like you

I wouldn't mind getting a little of that power of man's red flower myself.

The brothers are gay allies.   In an interview with The Advocate in 2012, Nick (left) noted that they loved their gay fans: "They’ve been incredible over the years. My brothers and I totally look forward to meeting them, because they really respond to our style."

In 2013 they appeared on the cover of Out magazine.

Their boy band days are long past, but Jonas Brothers are stil performing together.  Joe has also embarked on a solo career, and appeared as himself in tv shows like Dash and Lily and The Righteous Gemstones.

Joe nude, sort of, after the break

Under the Banner of Heaven: Murder and crisis of faith in a fundamentalist Mormon familiy with five brothers (and five dicks)

 Under the Banner of Heaven, a Hulu series about corruption in the LDS Church, was written and produced by Dustin Lance Black, who is gay, so there's bound to be some gay characters or subtexts.  Besides, who isn't interested in cute Mormon missionaries?  

Scene 1: Establishing shot of Salt Lake City.  Jeb (Andrew Garfield), a super clean-cut nuclear family Dad, is listening to "Let's Hear it for the Boy."  A gay anthem!  So the protagonist is gay?   His preteen daughters, who wear long pioneer dresses, ask him to do loving-father activities, like lasso them.  Wife, who wears a modern t-shirt and cut-off jeans, calls him to the phone.  He has to go to work, so everyone has to do the evening prayers early.

We hear all the prayers: for the Mormon missionaries (how about a visual?), for Church President Kimball, for Grandpa in heaven, and for an Easy-Bake Oven.  "Let's Hear it for the Boy" came out in 1982, and Spencer Kimball died in 1985, 

Scene 2: Continuing to pray, Jeb the Cop puts the siren on his car and heads to a house surrounded by yellow tape and police cars.  Inside: the tv on, bloody footprints, scattered toys, a dead lady, and something in a basinet that makes him say "Evil."  The dead lady's murder was not evil?    He goes out to the yard and arrests the bloody young man who happens to be walking around.

Scene 3:  At the police station, Jeb the Cop and his Gentile (Non-Mormon) Partner do the good cop-bad cop routine on the blood-splattered suspect, Allen Lafferty (Billy Howle), who happens to belong to one of the most important familiies of the Church.  He claims that for the last year, "peculiar men" dressed like Mormon prophets have been stalking his family, so no doubt they did it.  They are probably after his brothers and their wives and kids, too.

Left: Billie Howle, Dick #1

Scene 4: While they book and strip Allen, Jeb watches, flashing back to someone he saw at church (was this a flash of same-sex attraction?).  They send a squad car out to check on the only brother whose address Allen knows: the others all moved to hide from the humiliation of having a brother who left the Church.

Scene 5: Jeb is too disgusted to continue the interrogation, so his Gentile Partner continues alone.  Stunt casting: he's played by Gil Birmingham, a bodybuilder who appeared in Diana Ross's music video "Muscles" in 1982.

Allen: if you want to know who did, check out the Mormon saints.  

Flashback to his future wife Brenda winning runner-up in the Miss Twin Falls, Idaho contest in 1980, then going to Brigham Young University, to stay away from the "Democrats and crazies," and studying broadcast journalism.  She meets Allen at church.  

Back at the interrogation, Allen blames the Church on his wife's death: "My only regret is that I didn't drive her out of Zion (Salt Lake City) to protect her from our people."  

Scene 6:  Jeb the Cop continues to ruminate about how evil Allen is, to do that to a baby (and an adult?).  They're still having trouble tracking down the addresses of his brothers and their wives/kids, so Jeb calls his wife -- they went to church with the Lafferty family, so maybe she has some of the brothers' addresses.  

He returns to the interrogation: Jeb: "So, you despicable monster, was there anyone besides you who hated Brenda enough to do it?"  Allen:  Everyone hated her because she was so perfect."  Yeah, I heard that a lot in high school.

Scene 7: Flashback to Allen introducing Brenda to the family at a picnic. "Just don't say much," he warns. Patriarch Ammon (Christopher Heyerdahl, Dick #2) wants to know why she abandoned Twin Falls, Idaho for the evil Big City (Provo, Utah?).  There are an endless number of boisterous brothers, Stepford wives, and staring kids to meet. 

More Lafferty boys after the break

"Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates": bulges and biceps, but where's the plot?

 

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016) gets a 36% on Rotten Tomatoes. A reviewer says that "It's definitely a movie to watch when you don't want to think too much." 

 I always want to think while watching a movie; structural analysis is the fun part. But it stars Adam Devine, whose jaw-dropping gorgeosity makes almost anything watchable, and his bromantic partner Zac Efron, who is also sort of cute, so here goes.

Scene 1:  Mike (Adam) is trying to sell his brand of tequila to a bar owner, using Dave (Zac) as a plant.  Except the bartender knows him -- they hang out! And the guys try this every couple of weeks.  He buys the tequila anyway.  The guys hug.  Zac is established as heterosexual in Minute 1.

Scene 2: Montage of the guys frolicking at parties -- trampoline, fireworks, kissing girls.. Beefcake shots of both. . Cut to them returning to their apartment to find two heterosexual couples -- Mom and Dad!  I'm guessing Mom and Dad got divorced and married other people, so there are four parents. 

They complan that the guys keep going to parties stag, htting on girls, and ruining things.  Wait -- in the montage, everyone was having fun. Nothing was ruined.  And the "hitting on girls" was a mutual flirtation, not a sleazy come-on.  Mom and Dad are being unreasonable.

Uh-oh, the montage was an unreliable narrator.  A lot of those parties turned into disasters. So Mom and Dad lay down the law: at the upcoming wedding, they must each bring a date (they specify a girl).  How will that keep the fireworks from destroying a camper, or grandpa from being pushed into his birthday cake?

Oh, and it turns out that the second couple is their sister Jeannie and her fiance Erik (Sam Richardson)

Character development: Mike is aggressive, easily-angered, and a schemer, while Dave is quiet, stable, and has to be talked into the craziness.  Mike saved Dave from bullies when they were in school. Shouldn't Dave be saving Mike?  Zac Efron is about twice as muscular as Adam Devine, and has a bigger dick, and everybody knows that you need a big dick to fight bullies.

Scene 3:  Betty and Veronica (um...I mean Alice and Tatiana) working in a sleazy bar. Alice gets drunk and dances on a table, so the boss fires them both.  They go home and watch a video of Alice getting dumped at the altar (by Kyle Smigielski, left), and exclaim "Fuck him right in the dick!"  I'm not sure a dick can get fucked by anothe dick.  Sounded, maybe. They reminisce about vodka brownies and wet t-shirt contests.

Meanwhile, the guys wonder where they can find nice, respectable girls to take to the wedding: Match.com, Tinder, Grindr (really?), Craigslist? 

They post their ad - "two incredibly gorgeous guys offer a free weekend in Hawaii" -- and the number of responses breaks the internet. 

Bob (Bob Turton) sees the ad. His friends tell him it's just for girls; he replies "that's not a dealbreaker," and goes to the interview in drag. He explains that he's new to drag, but he just got out of a divorce, and wants to fuck. They refuse graciously. 

Two lesbians respond: "I'm not really looking for a heteronormative relationship."  That's not what heteronormative means, ladies. 

Other responses: druggies, sleazoids, prostitutes, a racist. Check, please!

Scene 4: The guys discussing their plight on the Wendy show. She wants to know how two incredibly gorgeous guys have trouble finding dates. "Well, we only want nice, respectable girls." That doesn't explain it, dude. Sleazoids Tatiana and Alice, getting high in their underwear, see the show and figure that they can play respectable.

Later, the guys are in a bar, bemoaning their plight: because of Dad's "old tomato" (ultimatum -- these boys are dumb with a capital q),  they won't be able to attend their sister's wedding.  Cue the girls in ridiculous pink skirts and 1960s hairdos. How did they find out where the guys are?   Tatiana stages a meeting by leaping onto the windshield of a taxi and pretending to be hurt, so Mike can give her inept mouth-to-mouth.

Scene 5: In a bar getting to know each other, the girls make up jobs (school teacher and hedge fund manager) and back stories ("My ex died of cancer...in a plane crash.").  Veronica (I mean Tatiana) makes risque double entendres at Mike and gets him eroused. Dave shows his girl, Betty (I mean Alice)  his drawings of  anthropomorphized booze, including a unicorn with an erect penis-horn.  Like penises, Dave?  Minimal plot dump: he wants to be an artist, but is being held back by his low self-esteem. And before you know it, they're off to Hawaii.

Left: random naked Hawaiian guy

More after the break