Gemstones Episode 2.5: Yep, Kelvin is gay. But there's embezzlement and murder, too. and some accountant cocks

 

Previous: Episode 2.4, Continued: Patricide, incest, cake, and frolicking muscleboys

Title: "Interlude II."  Episode 2.5 is a flashback to Christmas 1993, shortly after Baby Billy abandoned his wife, son, and cat at a shopping mall in Charlotte.  Since two of the season's big questions are "Did Eli kill Glendon Marsh?" and "Is Junior trying to kill to get revenge?" I expect that we'll get some Eli-Glendon back story.

Knives or nunchuks? As the family is photographed at the Gemstone Christmas tree, Judy torments 4-year old Kelvin.  Jesse says that he's going to give him a weapon for Christmas, so he can defend himself: "Knives, or nunchuks."  Eli forbids him from giving his brother weapons.  Jesse complains that the kid going to grow up to be "a pussy": someone who doesn't like to do things and is afraid of everything.  Sounds sort of like a gay stereotype.

You have to think of the optics: Eli is planning to move the Salvation Center to a giant coliseum.  The church board complains that he can't afford it: he's already spent church money on a private zoo and amusement park.  Hey, that's embezzlement!  They also advise that "the rich pastor is not a good look."  But Eli won't listen: "I cannot imagine a more ridiculous comment.  Big means success. People want to see something bigger than life." Well, this is during the tail-end of the Reagan-Bush "wealth is virtue" era.

"But we're spending more than we have!" accountant Terry (Mike Ostroski) complains. Gulp: Eli fires him!

Get that boy some mousse: Baby Billy shows up unexpectedly, having abandoned his wife Gloria and son (he claims that they abandoned him, but Aimee-Leigh calls her and discovers the truth).  

We see a close-up of Billy's butt as he drinks a glass of water. Kelvin: "Dang, Baby Billy is thirsty."  He's referring to the water, of course, but viewers will be drawn to the phrase "thirst trap."  Does Kelvin think that his uncle is hot?  Remember that in Season 1, the adult Kelvin and Judy comment on the attractiveness of their grown-up nephew Gideon.  

Baby Billy tells Kelvin that his estranged wife said:  "You have the most boring haircut in the world.  Get that boy some mousse."  Kelvin is upset (concerned with his appearance, a gay stereotype). Remember that the adult Kelvin uses mousse to create that upward wave.

Later, Kelvin demonstrates that he can play the harpsichord blindfolded (um..big deal?  Nobody looks down at the keys while playing).  Baby Billy calls him a prodigy and hugs and kisses him, obviously looking for a brainy replacement for his special-needs son.  The siblings scoff.  This musical talent is never referenced again.

The Return of Glendon Marsh:  As Eli walks through the office, everyone smiles and says "Good morning, Dr. Gemstone."  Everybody.  It looks creepy rather than friendly. "Be nice, or he'll turn you into a toad." 

His new accountant, Martin, starts off on the wrong foot by sitting in his chair!  

 Glendon Marsh, Eli's boss when he was wrestling and breaking thumbs back in Memphis, shows up unexpectedly and asks him to take care of $3,000,000 that he doesn't want the government to know about, and he can keep $1,000,000 for his trouble.  Hey, that's money laundering!  But Eli has already been embezzling, so what's the difference?  Aimee-Leigh and Martin disapprove, and Eli finally refuses. 

The Sleepover:  Baby Billy and Kelvin are playing hide-and-seek or something on bunk beds, while Jesse lies in a sleeping bag.   The top bunk is fenced in, so you don't accidentally fall out.  This must be Kelvin's room. 

Judy enters with her own sleeping bag, angry that she wasn't invited to the sleepover.  Jesse explains that it was impromptu: nothing going on in his room, so he came in here, looking for action.  "What'd you find?" Judy asks. "Uncle Tickles molesting Kelvin? Flopping that little dong?" This is the first of three pedophilia references this season, and another of  the incessant digs about Kelvin's penis. 

Baby Billy tells her to "hush that kind of talk.  Ain't nobody playing dong pong in here."  But suddenly Kelvin doesn't want his uncle to sleep with them. Wait -- I thought they had a special bond.  Is it because of the pedophilia accusation?  Or is he self-conscious because Judy dissed his penis?

Muscle and Fitness: Holy sh*t, there's a cover of  Muscle and Fitness magazine taped to the wall!  It's only visible for a second before Judy turns off the light, but holy sh*t. "Mama, please buy me that magazine.  I know I can't read yet -- I want to look at the hot guys."

If it is meant to signify Kelvin's interest in muscle, why just a man on the cover?  I worked for Muscle and Fitness back in the day, and the cover always featured a man and a woman together or a celebrity bodybuilder like Lou Ferrigno.  The set dresser  chose  this one deliberately to signify that Kelvin likes men  (or had it made up. That cover did not appear on any issue from 1990 to 1995).

Christmas Day:  . I couldn't tell if Kelvin received any gay-coded gifts.  Baby Billy asks for Kelvin's help in unwrapping his present, and at the Christmas service they sing together and hug, so they are apparently friends again. 

That night, Jesse and Kelvin are playing their Double Dragon arcade game -- call back to Episode 1.1 -- while Eli and Aimee-Leigh discuss the move to the coliseum.  How can they afford it, when they're broke? 

Suddenly accountant Martin appears -- no security station yet, just a buzzer.  Eli lets him in -- and Glendon Marsh has him at gunpoint!  Glendon orders Eli to take the money, or he'll kill his family.   So, just take it, and give it to charity later. Then Eli's dad, Roy Gemstone, appears and shoots Glendon!  He has dementia, and has been running around in his underwear, asking "Are we going hunting?", so it is unclear whether he is saving Eli or just shooting. 

Martin and Eli bury the body under the site for the new rollercoaster at the amusement park, thus explaining the obsessive riding.   

In the present, we see Eli riding the roller coaster, looking grim, while Junior, Glendon's son, looks at old photos and plays with a gun. The end.

The Season 1 Interlude gave us a feel for Jesse's childhood: neglected by his father, jealous of his "miracle child" brother, trying to be a bad dude.  This Interlude is definitely about Kelvin.  Does anyone still doubt that he's gay? 

Accountant cocks after the break

Mike Ostroski, who plays accountant Vincent, frontal from the 2004 movie Slugs.

A real accountant, or at least a guy in a suit.

Coffee first, pants later

An accountant who has just taken off his suit.

See: Episeode 2.5 Queer Code: the muscle magazine

Next: Episode 2.6: Yep, they have sex.  Plus Judy grows a heart, Torsten a brain, and Amber the noive. With an orgasmic bonus