Steve Bond: Tarzan costar turned Playgirl model turned soap hunk, all in the steamy 1970s.

 The October 1975 issue of Playgirl featured several nude photos of model/actor Steve Bond.  They quickly became the most famous male nude photos in the world (not counting those of Christopher George)

Not because he was a man-mountain -- no bodybuilder, he had the tight, pleasantly muscled physique of a New Sensitive Man.

Not because of his size beneath the equator, though he was huge.

Because of the contrast.

The last time anyone had seen Steve Bond, the 14-year old Israeli actor, born Schlomo Goldberg, was making his screen debut: he played Erik in a Tarzan movie (1968) with Mike Henry.

Seven years makes a big difference.

After one or two more guest roles, Steve went back home to Israel, finished high school, and completed his mandatory military service.  Now he was in L.A. again, ready to hit the big time.  The nude photos came at a moment of desperation, when he was flat broke

Unfortunately, posing in your birthday suit was still controversial in 1975, and Steve found it difficult getting the attention of casting directors. During the next decade, he played some street toughs, some sexploitation studs, a Chippendales dancer, and a forest ranger investigating some teen murders (in The Prey, 1984). 

He showed his butt a lot, but only when he was sexing naked ladies.

Finally, hoping that the nude pictures were long forgotten, he landed one of the defining roles of his career, redneck Jimmy Lee Holt on General Hospital (1983-87).

No such luck.  In 1985, an eagle-eyed editor at Playgirl discovered the old photos, and reprinted them.  Steve was devastated.  What would happen when the General Hospital producers found out?  Would he be fired? 

Answer after the break

Lucien Laviscourt: Shirtless in soaps, romcoms, Shakespeare, Archie comics. With a j/o video

 

In 2020, during the COVID lockdown, everybody watched the Netflix series Emily in Paris, because they couldn't get to the real Paris. Surprise -- it's still streaming, with Season 4 coming up. The hapless social media content creator and her friends are still falling in love at the drop of a script, with Lucas Bravo, Charles Martins, Kevin Diaz, Paul Forman, and most recently Lucien Laviscount.

The British actor -- I know, I thought he was French, too -- has 43 credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with Clocking Off, 2002.

The interconnected lives of Manchester mill workers.  I wonder if they do a Full Monty.

Soap stud roles followed: 13 episodes of Grange Hill, 34 episodes of  Coronation Street, 18 episodes of Waterloo Road.  Plus guest spots on Life Bites, Father & Son, New Tricks, Shameless, Mount Pleasant...well, the list goes on and on.

I might want to see Still Star-Crossed, set in Verona shortly after the deaths of Romeo and Juliet, with new Montague-Capulet lovers investigating political machinations. Lucien plays Romeo in a flashback.

Plus a lot of modeling, here for Tommy Hilfinger.  I guess they're supposed to be very close teammates, not boyfriends.  But you never know.

The Bye-Bye Man, 2017, is Lucien's first starring role: "three friends stumble upon the horrific origins of a mysterious figure they discover is the root cause of the evil behind unspeakable acts."  

 Got all that? A bit overblown, with way too many adjectives, but I gather that we're working down from unspeakable acts caused by an evil caused by a mysterious figure who has horrific origins. 

Ulp. All you really need to know is it's all straight people, and Lucien shows his butt.

Another starring role in Snatch, 2017-2018, about...well, the IMDB description is suffering from adjective overload, but it's about con artists who get in over their heads.  The guys, Lucien and Rupert Grint, have a gay-subtext buddy-bond that gets ruined when they both fall in love with The Girl.

Katy Keene, 2020-21, was an ill-fated attempt to hit Riverdale gold by shoving minor Archie Comics characters like Alexander Cabot III into modern-day New York.   

More Lucien after the break

Alberto Ferreira: Not the gay guy in "The Other Side" or "Bad Education," but at least he has a big one

 

Do you want a profile of Alberto Ferreiro, star of the gay classic Bad Education, 2003?

How about now?

The guy is very difficult to research: no Instagram, no Facebook, no Twitter, a Wikipedia page in Spanish that only goes to 2006. 

Alberto Ferreiro, a professor at Seattle Pacific University, has just died and dominates Google searches with memorials.

Getty Images promises 31 pictures of Alberto, but delivers two.  The others are of a semi-naked woman gyrating.

So we'll have to make do with the IMDB.  

Alberto was born in Madrid in 1983, and began his acting career in 2000 with El Otro Barrio, "The Other Neighborhood" or "The Other Side," about the bond between a delinquent boy and a lawyer. Alberto stars in a boy-meets-girl subplot.

The frontal nudity comes from Nito, 2003, a 17-minute short about a bullied kid with learning disabilities.  He figures that the best way to fight back is to have sex with a lady.

Mala Educacion, Bad Education, 2004, has a filmmaker interviewing a trans woman, who tells the story of two boys, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Fele Martinez, falling in love in a Catholic school in the 1960s.  Torment, torture, angst, despair, and tragedy follow, as was common in gay relationships in movies in those days.  You gotta punish those gays.

Alberto shows his butt while sexing a lady.  I swear, until this moment, I thought he played the boy who fell in love with Gabriel Garcia Bernal.

Segundo asalto, 2005, released in the U.S. as The Good Boy, features the relationship between a failed boxer and a bank robber.  Alberto has a minor role Dienteputo.

Recurring or starring TV roles followed: Un lugar en el mundo, "A place in the world"

Mis adorables vecinos, "My lovely neighbors"

More after the break

Good Trouble: the Foster girls move to Los Angeles, get horrible jobs, and compete over a bi boy. With a lot of naked guys

 Good Trouble popped up on my recommendations from Hulu under the Pride Collection.  The icon shows two girls, so they must be a lesbian couple.  Maybe there are gay characters, too.

Scene 1: Two girls, who name themselves Mariana and Callie, squeal as they drive a U-Haul on an empty highway to L.A.  I can't tell who has which name, so I'll call them Long Hair and Short Hair.  One has just graduated from law school and found a job as a clerk for a federal judge, and the other, just graduated from college, has found a job as a software engineer. 

Scene 2: With those salaries, they could rent a condo in West Hollywood, but instead they're moving into a hippie commune at the Palace Theater downtown.  The manager gives them a tour: 

Communal bathroom, with a naked lady and a guy who doesn't wash his hands after using the urinal. Manager complains that everyone over-wipes. 

Kitchen, where a lady complains that everyone steals her stuff from the refrigerator.  

Lounge, where someone named Dennis is rehearsing a play about stealing books.

Dennis is played by Josh Pence, left, and below.

Their horrible bedroom, with sagging plaster, unfinished walls, and opaque windows. They can use the communal bathroom, or they can buy a chamber pot, but don't poop in it, because the rats will eat it.  I'm never going to get that image out of my head. Girls, just rent a decent apartment.

Scene 3: The girls complain, but they have no choice: they can only afford $1600 per month.  Ok, that might be a problem.  My old apartment in West Hollywood is now running at $3000.

Scene 4: Uh-oh, their U-Haul has been broken into, and everything was stolen!  How long were you looking at the horrible commune before coming down to unload?

They go to a bar to drink tequila. Short Hair notes that the male bartender is hot.  "Really?" Long Hair asks, annoyed.  "When was the last time you got laid?"  Wait -- I thought they were a lesbian couple. Why is this included in the Pride Collection?  Is there a gay minor character?

Scene 5: They have no clothes for work tomorrow, so they head to an all-night discount store for a montage of trying on clothes, playing with dolls, squealing,  and hugging. Then sleeping on separate mattresses, waking up late the next morning, and rushing out.  Hang on -- you planned to move into your new place the day before your first day at work?  What if you were delayed on the road?

On the way out, Short Hair gets a cliched jaw-dropping love-at-first-sight moment as the Boy of Her Dreams walks toward her in slow motion.  I don't see the attraction -- he's disheveled, shabbily dressed, hair askew, looking like how Hollywood portrays meth heads.  Long Hair knows him already, from when he interviewed at the software company.  Wait -- she hasn't gone to work yet, she doesn't work in human resources, and, and....what the heck is going on?  Anyhow, the takeaway of the scene is that they're sisters, both into the hunky Meth Head, and likely to sabogate each other's attempts to snare him.  . 

Or not.  I can't find him in the cast list.

Googling Callie and Medina, I discovered that they are from The Fosters, a soap opera about a lesbian couple raising a lot of foster and adopted kids. So that's the gay connection?    

The Fosters was a soap opera, so Good Trouble will probably have a lot of tragedy and angst. 

Scene 6:  That night, while mooning over Meth Head, Short Hair walks up to the balcony swimming pool ...in a seedy, decrepit falling-apart movie theater where they can't even afford to plaster the walls?  None of this makes any sense.  Just go with it.  

A hunk takes off his shirt and dives in. Beefcake alert: we see him underwater, swimming laps.  He notices Short Hair and introduces himself as Gael, played by Tommy Martinez, top photo and left.

Whoa, a sudden shot of Short Hair as a victim of a violent sexual assault.  Or maybe extremely energetic consensual sex -- on tv with no context they look identical.  According to the fan wiki, when Callie was living in the foster home before the Fosters, she reported that a guy named Liam raped her, but her previous set of foster parents didn't believe her and kicked her out of the house.  She must be getting a post-traumatic flashback.

They discuss their dreams and goals, smoke pot, and examine Gael's art. He does terrible sculpting in clay -- and invites her to caress the very phallic end of his piece called "Stasis." Short Hair notes that she wanted to study art, but couldn't hack it and tried law as a back-up. 

They feel more art, and the camera repeatedly zooms in on Short Hair's bare shoulder -- I wonder if she suffered an injury there during her rape on The Fosters. Then they kiss.

More Foster girls after the break.  And a few guys.

"Cucumber": Lots of cucumbers on display as gay life in Manchester gets increasingly dark.

 

Cucumber, on Amazon Prime, is like gay Revenge, with plot twists, hidden agendas, and people who are not what they seem.  It starts out as a comedy, but turns darker and darker.  The nonsensical title, by the way, comes from a measure of erectile hardness, from tofu (semi-soft) to cucumber (rigid).  

Instead of scene-by-scene, I'm going to summarize the various cocksploits and tearjerks.

1. Middle-aged Manchester insurance salesman Henry (Vincent Franklin) gets angry when his boyfriend Lance (Cyril Nri, top photo) brings an anonymous guy, left, home for a three-way.  Maybe if you'd asked first, and waited for him instead of just going down?

Henry calls the police and has the two arrested (on what charge? consensual sexual acts are legal in Britain.), 

2. Henry moves out and seeks refuge with a twink couple from work, Dean and Freddie (Fisayo Akinade, Freddie Fox, left).  And starts flirting with Freddie!  Wait -- you get all huffy when your boyfriend wants an open relationship, but it's ok for the twinks?

Freddie the Twink says "No, thank you, we're monogamous."

3. Henry is upset because Freddie the Twink rejected him, but then goes out and hooks up with another old guy, Cliff (Con O'Neill).

4. Meanwhile Ex-Boyfriend Lance tries to hook up with Straight Guy Daniel (James Murray, left).  He refuses: "Sorry, I'm straight."

5. Henry's Sister and her hot teenage son Adam (Ceallach Spellman, right) arrive to stay forever. Henry decides to make some extra money filming his nephew having sex with other guys.

Meanwhile Ex-Boyfriend Lance empties the joint checking account. Never leave much in that joint checking account, buddy. One tiff, and it's gone.



More cucumbers after the break