Hank Greenspan: Femme boy plays only straight characters, but is he gay in real life? With bonus Brandon butt and Carlos cock

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Regan Burns: "Dog with a Blog," obstacle courses, gay erasure, and Big Dick Mitch. With an alpha male d*ck

 

Regan Burns, who plays Big Dick Mitch in Righteous Gemstones Episode 4.8, is best known as a comedic actor.  He has appeared in 3rd Rock from the Sun, Malcolm in the Middle, How I Met Your Mother, Weeds, and 2 Broke Girls.

His most substantial role is Bennett, the father of the family in the Disney Channel's Dog with a Blog (2012-15)

He's also a personal trainer and running coach.  He didn't say who his partner is.

He sells the Hyrox Physical Fitness Challenge, which caters your race to your physical fitness level. 

I filled out their questionnaire:

Hhow often do you work out (every day)

What distance do you like to run (5k)

How many pushups can you do in a set (30)

It said I should do a pro race, but I'm not doing nearly as much as someone with that physique.

Regan also enjoys obstacle course racing, like the Grit OCR, which you complete with a partner.  It involves obstacles like Dennis the Menace (using a slingshot), Flip this House (flipping giant boxes),  and Out of Gas (carrying heavy cans up mountains).

Regan's partner here is Aaron Cobia, a "husband, dad, and mountain climber."

I hate it when they brag about being heterosexual in their first line.  And it doesn't even work, Buddy: here are gay husbands and fathers.    

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Mark Povinella: Two circus performers, a Snow White dwarf, a gay-subtext boyfriend, Ibsen's "Doll House," and two dicks

Several years ago, we gave up on Modern Family, the comedy about three interrelated "modern families,"  somewhere around Season 5.  But now we're starting it up from the beginning.  Last night was Episode 2.12, "Our Children, Ourselves" (2011).  In the B plot, gay couple Mitchell and Cam run into Mitch's old high school girlfriend, Tracy. She's married now, and she doesn't want anything to do with Mitch. 

1.  He came out on the night of their senior prom, ruining it for her (poor heterosexual lady, gays are such a problem!).

2. Nine years later he had sex with her at their high school reunion, and then cut off all contact, refusing her calls and texts 

Hold on -- they had sex?  Mitch explains that he wanted to see if he could do it.  Apparently dude is bi-curious.   

After Tracey brushes them off, the guys see her getting ice cream for a male person, then kissing the top of his head.  From their brief, obscured view, he looks like an eight-year old boy with red hair -- obviously Mitch's son!  You didn't use a condom for your hetero experimentation?  

After the usual agonizing and recriminations (but he hadn't even met Cam nine years ago), they decide that they want to be part of the boy's life, and show up at Tracy's house. After an embarrassing conversation where they are talking about different things, they discover that the person they saw was not  Tracey's son -- he was her husband  (the 3.9" Mark Povinelli). Well, they really pushed the misdirection -- why didn't the guy get his own ice cream?  

Cam and Mitch unfortunately brought a gift: a "Little Slugger" baseball glove.

With my usual interest in short guys, I wanted to know more about Mark Povinella.  I discovered that:

1. He has an impressive physique, as seen here playing Torvald in Mabou Mines DollHouse, an adaption of the Ibsen classic (on stage, plus filmed in 2009).

2. From 2017 to 2023, he was President of Little People of America, an advocacy group with 7,500 members in 70 chapters.

3. He has 51 acting credits on the IMDB, including episodes of The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, Pushing Daisies, ANT Farm, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Criminal Minds, and Deadtime Stories, but he is most famous for:

Water for Elephants (2011): during the Great Depression, Jacob (Robert Pattinson) joins the circus, and rooms with Kinko (Mark), with whom he develops a strong gay-subtext friendship while pursuing a heterosexual romance.

Mirror, Mirror (2012): A postmodern retelling of the Snow White story, with Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen, Armie Hammer as the Handsome Prince, and seven dwarfs.

Are You There, Chelsea? (2012), based on the drunken-humor memoir of Chelsea Handler, with Laura Prepon as the recovering alcoholic.  She works at a sports bar, with Mark and Jake McDorman as the bartenders.

Left: There are several videos of Jake McDorman's j/o sessions online.

More after the break.

Gemstones Episode 4.8, Continued: We finally see Big Dick Mitch, the boy named Stacy, a serial killer, and a lot of tied-up guys

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.8: BJ's hookup, Corey's birthday blade, and Tyler's tree trunk

Earlier in the episode, we saw the homophobic Vance Simkins dragged offstage, BJ walking again, Teenjus in a dance competition, and Cobb gifting Corey with a very special knife.  

The Songs Aimee-Leigh and Lori Wrote:    The siblings are ending a very long board meeting.  They're anxious to go home, but Martin insists on bringing in one last visitor.  What is he, their receptionist?

It's Lori!  She needs to talk to Eli, but he won't answer her calls or texts.  They growl and posture, and yell about how much they hate her, until she proves that she loved Aimee-Leigh, and them.

 1. When Judy was a few months old, they had to drive to Nashville for a show, and Aimee-Leigh missed her so much that she couldn't stop crying.  So they wrote "Little Angels, Big Hearts." Why did you leave your three-month old baby at home? And by the way, that's an eight-hour drive.  You'd better fly.

2. When Kelvin was about 12, he was in a piano concert in Atlanta.  He forgot his lucky shoes, but Mama convinced him to play anyhow.  And they wrote "Barefoot and Praying."  Why does Kelvin's musical talent appear in flashbacks, but never in the present?  He doesn't even own a piano.

3. When Gideon was a baby, he got a fever, and they didn't know if he would make it.  Jesse stayed up all night, holding his hand, and they wrote "Heaven's Thunder," about finding the strength to never give up.  Hey, I'm tearing up. My dad stayed up all night with me once when I was sick.   

This actually proves that Aimee-Leigh loved them, not Lori, but the siblings are moved, and agree to help her contact Eli. 

Big Dick Mitch:  After their lunch,  Eli and Baby Billy get into their car.  Suddenly they get darted, and go unconscious!   In the middle of the afternoon , in the parking lot of a restaurant?  

They awaken several hours later, tied up in a concrete room, with a naked, collared man who says he was kidnapped.

Eli: "Are you Big Dick Mitch?"

Baby Billy: "That's an odd thing to comment on."  Dude can't help it if he likes dicks, Baby Billy. Remember, he dated Junior.

Notice that Big Dick Mitch is actually quite small. Lori would know this.  I think Cobb gave him the nickname to embarrass him, and told his son -- uh-oh, Corey is in on it, or at least aware of it and protecting Cobb.

Mitch is played by Regan Burns, an actor and comedian best known as the Dad on Dog with a Blog  He has 83 credits on the IMDB.

Cobb enters and introduces Mitch as "a good boy," using a taser to keep him cowering.  He explains that  "I keep Mitch alive because he entertains me," implying that he usually kills Lori's boyfriends.

He's not sure if he will kill Eli and Baby Billy, or break them down, "see how long it takes you to crack, make y'all my womans."  

"You ain't gonna make me a woman!" Baby Billy exclaims.

"I'll make you whatever I want."  He unzips and pulls it out (unseen).  Mitch whimpers as he starts to lower into position for sucking his dick.  Then suddenly Stacy pages him: "the police are here.  They'd like a word."

Stacy is actually a guy, played by Michael Berthold.  Cobb seems to be promoting traditional hegemonic masculinity with the contention that someone who plays a passive role in same-sex activity is a "woman," yet he doesn't seem bothered by a long-haired, androgynous boy with a girl's name?

Michael Berthold grew up in Apopka, north of Orlando, Florida, and as of this writing is a student at the University of Florida, Gainsville.  He has 28 acting credits on the IMDB, including Billy the Fetus (2016), for which he won a Young Actors Award, and  The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019), where he worked with Shia LaBeouf.

And he owns a Great Dane.

More after the break